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Hello all,

I am going to be very honest. I put in a long week at the office this week. When I say the office I mean the Rose Garden. I stayed longer than some league icons. I was at that outside bar longer than Dave Walter, Matty Ice, and Daryl Star Qb. I completely forgot the little details I planned on writing about for the games I watched this week. With that being said. I want to turn this wrap up into an education session for everyone in the league.

The Foot Ball Phantom presents: What Did We Learn This Week!

1.      We learned, D1 is the absolute worst. Normally I hear this and I always think “is it really that bad? Or is it just a couple people give the whole division a bad rap?”. Not going to speak for every week, but this week, IT WAS THE ENTIRE DIVISION! Just a bunch of ass hats semi good at football acting like there memorial day weekend would be ruined if they didn’t get the W. Here is a news flash to the men of the league. None, I repeat none of you will ever go higher than where you are now, to clarify,I mean recreational football. Maybe some of you were higher, and are trying to relive the good old days, GET OVER YOURSELF!!!! It’s not that serious and you aren’t that good. Maybe some of you played football or even still are playing semi-professionally, that’s great but football doesn’t pay your bills so don’t act like it. It doesn’t even pay Toppers and 60+ teams a year give him money to play in the league. Oh and ladies don’t think I forgot about you either. You are straight animals, not in a good way, out there. I saw a girl cheap shot another girl on a play she wasn’t even in. Then to top it all off I even saw, for the first time with my own eyes in the TSL, a HUGE PURPOSEFUL DIVE from a female. Literally wasn’t touched on a slant and fell down and looked at the ref for the flag. I just can’t with you people any more. DON’T RUIN SUCH A FUN THING FOR SO MANY PEOPLE! This week was brutal for you that division. I hope you all get it together and chill! I am all about watching two teams go to war out there but this past week more people’s mouths ran than the receivers did. PLEASE FIX THE NONSENSE. THIS LEAGUE IS FOR FUN!

2.      We learned, that there is no over time? There were several tie football games this week. Wait what? I don’t know about you but ties just literally suck. I for one am going to call 627-TOPP and log a formal rule amendment for next season. There needs to be sudden death over time. First team to score wins. Shit I don’t even care if the captains rock paper scissor at the 50 to decide who wins but I need a winner!

3.      We learned, Mattys Angels are the real deal. They have been basking in a early session push over schedule. I saw they played MA this week and got the W pretty easily. I think the D6 championship is cut and dry. Angels Vs ACE and I see ACE finally getting the trophy and moving up to D5.

4.      We learned, Tommy Hughes Experience is back. They came, they played, they had fun, they drank, and they went to the bar post game. God dam it’s a better league when The Tommy Hughes Experience has fun.

5.       We learned, Topper may still have a couple of championship trophies left in that old rag arm of his! He was winning left and right last week. Every time I looked over Topper was dropping a dime and his team was winning. Shocking, I know.

6.      We learned, Margo Pagano may be the crispiest route runner in history of the league male or female. You want evidence? Check Facebook. She ran a route for RSS ladies against some poor guy from Practice Squad and god she mangled him. I know this term is used a lot in the hyperbole since, but this time I am using it I am using it literally. I am 99% she broke his ankles, both of them!

7.      We learned, you cannot win if you don’t play. New D4 power house Full Throttle got beat 21-0. I get there to watch the game on there is no Full Throttle they could not field a team. I don’t think this loss will hurt them at all as I see them in the D4 championship conversation with Why So Serious and A&A.

8.      We learned 3^rd and shlong maybe the hottest to in Topper Sports History. The rise to stardom for nothing more than drunken antics rivals Carrie with K. Which I personally never thought could be matched. God I hope, no this league hopes, they continue the amazingness on and off the fields for the rest of the season.

Football Phantom Out!