Ladies and Gentlemen and whatever Joey Batts is of the TSL Universe, the TSL Fall 2023 season is already sitting at Week 4 of the season. How we’ve reached the halfway point of the season in what truly feels like “a blink of an eye” boggles the mind. It’s at this point we should really be starting to see the trends developing and what teams are the frontrunners in the Race For Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality. 

 

But this season, for whatever reason, we don’t know anything yet. Not that we ever really do, of course, since the playoffs routinely have the top seeds upset, etc. The schedule so far this season has brought us its share of oddities. For example, we have teams like BAADies (6 games played), Frodo (5), Losing Streak (5), GUCCI (5) and Balls Deep (5) while we have Freeballers who’ve only played ONE game so far this season and more than half of D4 has only played 2 games so far. 

 

It’s hard to get a handle on things when some teams just don’t have the same amount of data as others. Sure, the Legends LOOKED really good in their first two games with Sean playing QB, but what happens when they downgrade back to Joey? Yeah, PWI is 0-2 and at the bottom of D4, but they’ve apparently only played their games so far this season without Buddy at QB and others missing as well. 

 

It’s my job to separate what we DO know from what we DON’T, so let’s go division by division on this one. 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits 37, Losing Streak 18

Legends 48, Eyes Downtown 43

Legends 52, Frodo Swaggins 40

 

Sticky takes out Losing Streak to move to 2-0, but the bigger story is that the Legends finally get on the field and immediately squash out any idea that they aren’t the favorites in the best Social Co-Ed Football Division in the world. They won both games with their backup QB. 

 

What We DO Know:

 

 

• The Legends run the yard. All of the Eyes Downtown publicity was nice, but they couldn’t win when it counted. 

 

 

 

• Frodo is just simply overmatched, and might be looking at D2 in the Spring. They’ll be in the 4-5 matchup for sure. While they look to be playing Losing Streak, who now stand at 2-3, that isn't guaranteed. 

 

 

 

• The #1 seed isn’t going to matter. While getting to play the winner of the 4 vs 5 matchup in the playoffs is nice, there won’t be much of a difference between the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th seeds. 

 

 

What We DON’T KNOW:

 

 

• Can the Sticky Bandits hang? They’re 2-0, but they’ve only played Frodo and Losing Streak that was underpowered. It’s almost like they made the schedule just right for themselves. However, they weren’t a part of the “Grab all of the TEAM players” sweepstakes like Eyes Downtown and Legends were, which MIGHT put them behind. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits (+6) - I guess we’ll find out the answer right away. Sticky is getting its first real challenge of the season (hopefully) against the new look Eyes Downtown. To add to it, they just lost to the Legends, and will be looking to bounce back. I’m probably underrating Sticky right now, but…EYES DOWNTOWN BY 8

 

Legends vs Eyes Downtown (+3) - From what I was emailed, these two teams weren’t exactly at full strength last week. SO WE’RE DOING IT AGAIN. Eyes Downtown could pull off a huge 2-0 week, assert their dominance, and sit at the top of the D1 standings at 5-1 overall. But they won’t. Until someone actually beats the Legends at this point, it’s foolish for me to pick against them. LEGENDS BY 7

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

THREAD 47, The Untouchaballs 41

Mavericks 47, THREAD 20

Can’t Touch This 47, The Untouchaballs 41

 

If you needed to win in D2 last week, the goal was simple: Score 47 points. THREAD took down the Untouchaballs before losing to the Mavericks, moving them to 2-2. The Untouchaballs went to 0-2 on the day losing to the hottest team in the TSL, Can’t Touch This, who have really made D2 their own. 

 

What we DO know: 

 

 

• Can’t Touch This is FOR REAL FOR REAL. 4-0 record, wins against Untouchaballs and Mavericks. The sky's the limit for this team. They’ll have an even bigger test the next two weeks as they have a home and home series against Scared Hitless. Anyone who was concerned about their ladies can go eat paste. 

 

 

 

• The Mavericks won’t stay in 5th place for long. They’re 1-2, and yet they have more points for than against. They can SCORE. The issue has always been defense, and last week showed that they’re improving in that area. They’re too good of a team and much, much too fun to not be near the top soon enough. 

 

 

 

• Practice Squad continues to be overmatched in D2. They need another hot free agent signing or something. 

 

 

What we DON'T know: 

 

 

• Is Cle-avengers Assemble going to get it together? They’re not the same team that won D2 last season, and after a rough Week 1 start, we haven’t seen them since. Unless Travis retired from QB after his performance in Week 1, and the team folded, which would make sense. 

 

 

 

• What are the Freeballers going to be? They’ve played one game so far this season, and with Hogan at QB now, who knows what’s going to happen? Other than meltdowns. Hogan is kind of a perfect fit for this team. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Mavericks vs THREAD (+8) - We get a nice little rematch from last week which saw the Mavericks win by 27. This matchup is fun because both teams need this win. THREAD needs it to avenge last week’s loss and show it was a fluke. The Mavericks need it because two straight wins over a good team is promising and 2-2 looks a lot better than 1-3. This isn’t a 1-3 team. MAVERICKS BY 7

 

Scared Hitless vs Cle-Avengers Assemble (+7) - Two teams we haven’t seen in weeks return to the fields to face off against each other. Cle-Ass, in their defense, are 0-2 because they ran into Untouchaballs and CTT in Week 1. Now they get arguably the OTHER Top 3 team in Scared Hitless. SH got to 2-0 after slipping by THREAD and beating Practice Squad. It's pretty easy to see why the records are what they are here. This should be a good matchup. CLE-AVENGERS ASSEMBLE BY 8

 

Can’t Touch This vs Scared Hitless (+7) - A pretty big matchup this week, as the two remaining undefeated teams in D2 (Yes, I’m aware SH could lose 5 minutes before this game begins) take each other on. CTT has been on a heater, flying out of the gate in D2. Everything that hadn’t clicked for them in the past sure is now. It’s been great to see each week when Jeff sends me the results. Scared Hitless announced themselves as D2 contenders already, but a big win here would cement that. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 6

 

Freeballers vs Practice Squad (EVEN) - These teams have had some great games in the past, including PS’ playoff win over the Freeballers last session. Usually, I don’t know what to say about teams that are brand new. But this is a case where I don’t know what to say about two long running teams. Who are they? Both teams have been so up and down in recent seasons that it’s hard to get a read on either. But I just read a stat (in the QB Power Rankings article, up now!) that B hasn’t won a regular season game at QB (for his team) since October of last year. We’re almost at a full calendar year. That ends this week, no way is he going to let that keep happening. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8

 

Mavericks vs Freeballers (+8) - The George Lombardo bowl kicks off as his current team takes on his former team. And unfortunately for Freeballers, his new team is just a little bit better. MAVERICKS BY 12

 

The Untouchaballs vs Practice Squad (+10) - Jeremy Burr is having a roller coaster season. He looked, well, untouchable to start the season, but then proceeded to be juuuust not good enough in back to back 47-41 losses last week. The issue for UT is never going to be their offense, but their defense is going to need some work if they look to get back to the top of the mountain. This is a good team to start working out the kinks against. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 10

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club 42, 716 39

Vaspian 36, The Family 32

Let’s Get Reccked 36, 716 21

The Family 68, The Malones 46

Keller Whales 44, The Malones 34

Bullet Club stays on top of the standings, moving to 3-0 (with three different QBs) after a win over the new look 716. Vaspian quiets doubters (me) about their offensive prowess, putting up 36 points in a win over The Family. LGR finally got the whole gang together and walked to a victory over 716. The Malones put up 80 points in two games, yet still went 0-2 as they allowed 112 points in losses to The Family and Keller Whales. 

What we DO know:

 

 

• Nobody is going to be surprised at whoever wins D3. Once again, it seems to be the most competitive division top to bottom. 

 

 

 

• Any concerns about putting the new teams (The Family and The Malones) in D3 too quickly have been erased. The Family seemingly scores at will, and even though The Malones haven’t won a game yet, they average just over 37 points a game. The wins will come. 

 

What we DON'T know: 

 

 

• Is 716 any good? I’m not sure if they’re just shaking off rust and learning how to click, or if they might be overmatched here. 

 

 

 

• Will The Family learn how to play defense? Once they figure that part out (they allow 38 points per game) they’ll be one hell of a contender. 

 

 

 

• Is this Vaspian’s year in D3? They’re playing pretty good football after an early loss, and things seem to be clicking. Will it continue? 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club vs The Malones (+7) - On paper, 3-0 Bullet Club vs 0-3 The Malones seems like a Bullet Club victory. But, and I repeat, The Malones can SCORE. They’ve gotten at least 33 points in every game so far this season. The other side to that is they’re facing a Bullet Club defense that’s only allowing 21.6 points a game this season. BC is an older team, but that just means they’re smart. I don’t know if we’ll finally see Jeff Easton this week or not, but if we do, the offense will just get better. BULLET CLUB BY 10

 

Keller Whales vs The Family (+7) - Keller Whales will continue to just be that team that wins games, and has fun. With Damien at QB there’s going to be some growing pains, and with how The Family scores, it’ll be interesting to see if he can keep up. The Family has a speed advantage for sure, and they’re going to use it. They’re heating up, and this will be a signature win for this young team. THE FAMILY BY 12

 

Wanderers vs 716 (+10) - The Wanderers are going to take this down to the last drive, as always. I might say that every week, but I’ll be right 90% of the time. Nobody controls the flow of a game better than Frank, which happens with 5,243 career games under your belt. This will be one hell of a test for 716, and if they fail this one badly, maybe they’ll have to think about D4. WANDERERS BY 5 WITH 30 SECONDS LEFT. 

 

Wanderers vs Let’s Get Reccked (+3) - Every game for LGR, even when they were in D5, has been the question of “Which LGR is going to show up?”. A lot of times it’s the fun loving, lets just have a lot of fun team that’s missing people. But occasionally, they take it seriously and really do some work on the field. Getting Alex back at QB was a huge boon for them last week, and hopefully these two teams are at full strength this week. It should be a bit of a fun chess match. WANDERERS BY 3 WITH 7 SECONDS LEFT

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice 53, TMA 42

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 42, TMA 22

Cunning Stunts 27, ILF 26

Puckett All-Stars 40, Travis Henry’s Kids 20

The Boccio-Bernal era for TMA began with a loud thud, as TMA dropped both games to start off 0-2. ILF finally got into action for the TSL this week, winning once against TMA and then proceeding to drop a one point heartbreaker to the Stunts. Puckett manhandled THK in a 20 point win. 

Things we DO know:

 

 

• The Cunning Stunts are very, very good, and will be incredibly difficult to stop. Until the playoffs anyway. 

 

 

Things we DON'T know:

 

 

• Everything else. 5 teams in D4 have only played 2 games so far. Three of those teams: TMA, PWI, and Father Baker are 0-2, and there’s NO WAY they’ll go the entire season winless. That means shake ups all over the place. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs TMA (EVEN) - See? Someone has to win right here. I guess they could tie, but I doubt it. PWI has been one of the most consistent teams the last few seasons, and you have to assume they’ll be getting back on that path for the rest of the season. TMA might not have won last week, but they still put up 42 points against Buffalo Vice. ILF may have written the book on how to beat them last week though, throwing away from Boccio’s side of the field. We’ll see if teams follow suit. PWI BY 8

 

Buffalo Vice vs Puckett All-Stars (EVEN) - Shootout alert? These two teams can really put up some points, so it’ll be interesting to see how much defense is actually played in this one. Everyone knows Buffalo Vice is going to throw the ball as far as possible as much as possible. And when it stops working, good luck keeping up with the girls underneath. Puckett DOES have the horses to keep up though, which makes this a fun matchup. And in the end, Puckett reigns supreme. PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 3

 

Cunning Stunts vs TMA (+10) - Not the best backend of a double header for TMA this week as they get the Cunning Stunts who have been plowing through the league. While the Stunts were slowed down a little bit last weekend, I can’t imagine that happening here. CUNNING STUNTS BY 14

 

ILF vs Father Baker (+7) - ILF had an impressive first week, and ever since they found their QB in the middle of last season, things have been going pretty well for them. They just lost by one point to the Stunts, the longest tenured gender franchise the TSL has had. Now they get the newest version of that in Father Baker, a team that is chock full of talent, but still needs to work on the kinks everywhere. ILF BY 13

 

Cunning Stunts vs Father Baker (+10) - LETS GO. There is NOTHING better than a gender team battle, as we get the first ever meeting between the Stunts and Father Baker. I do believe FB has the horses to run with the Stunts, and the difference here will be in the QBs. Dave Baker is a brilliant football mind, but he still lacks a little experience in this type of game. Going up against Joey Batts, who has been humming along all year, puts him at a disadvantage. These two teams play each other again in Week 7, and I expect a much better game then when Father Baker has more experience overall. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

BAADies 44, Goatsack! 44 (Tie)

Spinelli’s Plumbing 26, Not So Sticky 20

BAADies 57, Spinelli’s Plumbing 52

Goatsack! 54, Not So Sticky 24

Spinelli’s Plumbing 45, GUCCI 14

Creekers 44, Come From Behind 32

Come From Behind 20, GUCCI 17

D5 had a huge slate of games there were all over the place last week. The BAADies went 1-0-1 as they Tied Goatsack!, and then won a shootout with Spinelli’s. Spinelli’s had a triple header and went 2-1, as they beat NSS and easily dispatched of a Kelly Kane-less GUCCI. NSS would drop to 0-2 on the day losing to the also 1-0-1 last week Goatsack!, who put up 98 points in two games. GUCCI would go on to lose to Come From Behind by only 3 points, right after CFB dropped a game to the Creekers. 

 

What we DO know:

 

 

• This isn’t the D5 we’ve been used to as of late. D5 for a couple of seasons has been pretty “top heavy” with the haves and the have nots. Not anymore. D5 currently boasts FIVE of the top ten teams in the Super Secret Topper Rankings. The competition is very fierce between the BAADies, GUCCI, Creekers, Come From Behind, and Goatsack!. And we still have Spinelli’s right there too. 

 

 

 

• Not So Sticky and Cobblestone are in trouble. NSS’ defense isn’t nearly as good as it’s been in the past, and with an offense that can only get them into the 20s every game (they currently average 17.6 ppg), this season might look to be a wash. Cobblestone hasn’t yet shown they can hang with the others as well.

 

 

 

• These top 6 teams can SCORE.  Every team averages at least 30 points, with Spinelli’s unsurprisingly, averages 41 points already. Expect LOTS of wild west shootouts here. 

 

 

 

• The Top 2 seeds (as of now) look to be advantageous for these teams to clinch, so the regular season games are going to matter from here on out. The difference right now between the 2 seed and the 3 seed is playing an 0-3 Cobblestone or the 2-1 Spinelli’s team with the insane offense in the first round. 

 

 

What we DON'T know:

 

 

• If the BAADies don’t figure out defense soon, they’re going to be in trouble. Or Garrett has to be perfect. 

 

 

 

• As the division with the most games played (34 of 72, nearly 50%) we have the biggest sample size here, so there’s not a lot we don’t really know. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Goatsack! vs Cobblestone (+9) - Goatsack! had a very nice week last week, coming back from 30 points down to salvage a tie with the BAADies before beating NSS by 30. After a rough-ish season in the Spring, where they came on later in the season, they’ve seemed to keep the good times rolling, finding themselves at 2-1-1 this year. However two of those wins were against NSS, so we’ll need to see how they fare against the “higher ups” in the division. Cobblestone is 0-3, but they’ve had a tough schedule so far. It does get easier the rest of the way. If they’re going to throw their name in the hat with the others, they need to take this game. Darryl magic is upon us. COBBLESTONE BY 3

 

Creekers vs Goatsack!(+6) - The Creekers continue to roll in D5, getting a big win over Come From Behind last week. Things are just clicking for this team now, and a big part of that has been their defense, which is tops in D5, only allowing about 20 points per game. They’ll continue that trend here and slow the Goatsack Attack. CREEKERS BY 8

 

GUCCI vs Come From Behind (EVEN) - The rematch from last week, where CFB took a 3 point win over GUCCI, who was without their star QB. Before the season, this would’ve been viewed as a championship preview, but with so much talent in D5 now, these teams are just fighting to get one of the Top 2 seeds. Getting Kelly back this week should be the difference. GUCCI BY 4

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Balls Deep 26, Blitzkrieg 7

Pit Harade 34, Balls Deep 32

Back That Pass Up 21, Two Tuddies 18

Two Tuddies 27, Mighty Drunks 14

 

Balls Deep beat Blitzkrieg handily before losing to Pit Harade. Back That Pass Up gets their first win ever, and they did it by beating the Two Tuddies, which is even more impressive. The Tuddies then go on to get their first win of the season, beating the Mighty Drunks. D6 doesn’t make any sense. 

What we DO know:

 

 

• The Sausage McMuffins still have great jerseys.

 

 

 

• Nothing else. I’m only half kidding, but D6 is a bit of a mess. The current 8 seed, Pit Harade, just beat the current 1 seed in Balls Deep. The Two Tuddies are 1-2, with losses to Balls Deep and BTPU, but they beat the Drunks? Just Get Open looked awful one week and then were juggernauts the next. The McMuffins beat Balls Deep and Just Get Open, but proceeded to lose to Blitzkrieg, who won a close one against Pit Harade and then lost badly to Balls Deep. The point is, like Jon Snow, we know nothing. 

 

 

What we DON'T know: 

 

 

• What’s wrong with the Two Tuddies? Worst offense in the division? Really? 

 

 

 

• Are the Mighty Drunks good? They beat a shorthanded JGO and a Pit Harade team that had everything go wrong for them Week 1, but proceeded to lose to JGO at full strength and then the Tuddies. 

 

 

 

• Like I said before, everything else. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Just Get Open vs Two Tuddies (+7) - The Tuddies aren’t favored, and that feels weird to see. Something had to be going on in these first two games. This game should be a good one. We’ll get to see if “full strength” Just Get Open is going to be a big problem for D6. The Tuddies need this one to get the season back on track. It’s not exactly “over” for them if they’re 1-3, but mentally the win is going to help a rough start to this season. JUST GET OPEN BY 10

 

Back That Pass Up vs Pit Harade (EVEN) - The bottom two teams from last year’s season seem to be showing signs of improvement. BTPU got that first win, and whatever coach Alex is doing is working. Pit Harade has gotten it together after a 52-6 drubbing by the Drunks Week 1. A last minute loss to Blitzkrieg and a win over Balls Deep followed. And they dusted off old The Bi-Polar Express QB Gordon to lead the team. Not to mention they have a D1 caliber female in Ray. Both of these teams look to be on the upswing. PIT HARADE BY 2

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Mighty Drunks (+3) - The McMuffins defense has been disgusting. 13.3 points allowed per game, and they haven’t played slouches either: JGO, Fall Blitzkrieg, and Balls Deep. They’ve played arguably the hardest D6 schedule so far, and it doesn’t get easier with the Drunks, who as I just said are confusing. They were world beaters in Week 1, but have since fallen to the Tuddies (which shouldn’t be a shame, but they aren’t 100% right now), and got clobbered by JGO. Give me the team that knows who they are right now. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• Who really needs a convincing win right now? Good question. For me, it’s Come From Behind. They’ve been the gold standard in D5 for a while now, but with the division itself getting better, they just feel “off”. The Creekers had no problem with them, and GUCCI, without Kelly, nearly beat them. They’re 3-1, but there’s a chance if they don’t fix what ails them, they could be 3-3 in two weeks after games with GUCCI and Spinelli’s. 

 

 

 

• Why are people going extra crazy with flipping out on the refs lately? It’s the most disturbing thing I’ve been hearing from people in the league. And I don’t know what it is. I know, people are competitive and they expect everything to be perfect. It never has been, and it never will be. Just accept that and act like an adult when you disagree with a call. Or maybe Mercury is in retrograde so everyone is extra nuts? That’s probably it. 

 

 

 

• What’s going on with Dog Day? Ah yes, the TSL has teamed up with The Buffalo Animal Shelter for “Tails on the Turf” this weekend. From my understanding, the BAS will be at the fields with adoptable dogs from 1-4. Yes, this means at least 3 TSLers will have too many High Noons and adopt a dog. Come say hello, and see what they have to offer. And if you have ANYTHING you’d like to donate to the shelter, bring it along! Have any “non-football” friends that want to come by and see the pups? Tell them to come! 

 

 

 

• What’s the most surprising thing this season so far? I think how easily Can’t Touch This has moved up in D2. They’re playing great. But overall, I think the most surprising thing so far is that all of the divisions seem “correct”. At the very least, half of the divisions seem like any of the teams in there could win the whole thing and you wouldn’t be surprised. No division has any teams that are too good for it (You could only argue the Stunts in D4, but they’ve been there forever) OR too bad for it (even with two 0-5 teams, Frodo is playing is a stacked D1 after dominating D2 and NSS is just having an off season so far after dominating in D6. I’m not going to say they aren’t where they should be). The TSL is better overall when more teams are in the mix, and this season sure has got a lot of them. 

 

 

 

• What’s the least surprising thing so far? The least surprising thing has to be that the Stunts are playing so well. They’ve done this before where they have a great start to the season, and end up 8-1 or 7-2. Or it’s that Spinelli’s finally came back to the TSL and they picked up right where they left off, scoring at will. Not a surprise. They can score with the best of them. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE SATURDAY

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions: 

• BDD 50, Blachuranus 20

• Dirty Dozen 30, Steph Infection 28

 

 

 

• The Angry Buffalo will have the following specials this week: There will be a Pink Lemonade (with Pink Whitney) and Coors Light Bucket Special for $15. 

 

 

 

• Games of the Week: 

• 10:00 - Mavericks vs Thread

• 11:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Legends

• 12:00 - Freeballers vs Practice Squad

• 1:00 - Come From Behind vs GUCCI

• 2:00 - Cunning Stunts vs Father Baker

• 3:00 - Let’s Get Reccked vs Wanderers

 

 

 

• According to my Weather Channel app, you’re looking at 74 degrees, but it’ll be cloudy. Might get a stray rain drop or two. Pretty good fall football weather still. 

 

 

 

• Again, if you’re looking for a new pup, or you know someone that’s thinking about it, have them stop out to the fields to find a new best friend! 

 

 

 

• I’ve been told the 24 team TSL Fantasy Football League has drafted teams and its 5th season is a go. The only information I was given? Topper decided to Auto-Draft his team on purpose, and it proceeded to pick Ja’Marr Chase - Joe Mixon - Tee Higgins as his first three picks. Topper is a confirmed Bengals fan. 

 

 

 

• Three teams on the upswing: The Family, Back That Pass Up, ILF

 

 

 

• Three teams on the downswing: Practice Squad, Mighty Drunks, Come From Behind

 

 

 

• Early rumors suggest that the TSL Banquet is going to be on Friday, December 8th. Nothing is confirmed but I’ve been told that’s the target date. Prepare accordingly. 

 

 

 

• This league has been around for so long, and the family atmosphere that’s been created by Topper, Lenny, and Rameer has stuck around. Sometimes I think that the reason we get people yelling at the refs/management, trying to skirt around the rules, playing dumb about sublist rules, etc is because we sometimes forget that it’s a privilege, not a right, to play in the World’s Greatest Social Co-Ed Touch Football League. Do yourselves a favor and don’t take it for granted. As someone who doesn’t get to play weekly anymore, losing the league can be rough. Don’t get yourself kicked out for something stupid. 

 

 

-GF OUT