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 Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe,

OK it looks like the reviews are back and I got picked up for another episode. I had a chance to have a nice 1 on 1 candid conversation with “Uncle Topper” this week. Uncle Topper told me he liked my article but wanted an update on “The TSL Love Affair” so without further adieu lets go.

Now let me just predicate I am not one to talk so you didn’t hear this from me but……

-Ok it looks like Katie Keller was none to happy when she saw herself outed as the “greatest TSL love affair of modern times” painted on the race car of none other than award winning Tommy Hughes. Things got interesting from there though and here’s why.  Apparently, Katie has a “friend” and she had to “explain” “the situation” to her “friend.” I can as of right now neither confirm nor deny if the “friend” is aggravated over the situation, happy or finally realizing he might have competition and might need to step his game up. I will have further details when I get them. OK not to be out done I have some news on 40 year plan guy. It looks like 40 year plan guy was first pick for the 18 hole miniature golf extravaganza with Molly Morgan after winning the week #1 prize or punishment wheel. A lil birdie told me that there is a chance that might not be the case as 3AS might just tap in the Poppa Bear Scott Sr to roll through 18 with Ms. Morgan. Now this could be a conflict of interest as I am hearing 40 year plan guy though still “ in love” with Katie Keller gazed across the bar and caught eyes with Ms. Morgan and said “wow she’s kinda cute.” Now this is where things totally come un-hinged. I heard from a guy on The McKenzie Agency who is friends with a chick on HK7 who has a cousin on Gryffindor who once was a college roommate of Blasé LaDuca who claims they saw Bobby playing darts with “non award” winning Tommy Hughes at a Applebee’s by the Airport while talking on the phone with “awarding winning Tommy Hughes “ (yes I know what you are thinking when Tommy calls Tommy does he go hey award winning Tommy this is non award winning Tommy. Or does he say hey Tommy this is Tom or does he say hey Tommy this is Tommy then award winning Tommy goes dude we both can’t be Tommy a-hole just pick one and lets just be done with this). So Bobby tells the guy, he heard a guy on the podcast was friends with another girl on a podcast who dated a guy on Celino Sewer Rats who  heard 40 Year Plan Guy might have a “thing” for another “mystery woman.” So now here’s where it gets interesting (please see the below picture as I try to artistically put this all into perspective). It looks like 40 year plan guy has a thing for Katie Keller who might have a thing for some guy in D1. OK He might also think Molly Morgan is cute but is deciding whether or not he has a “thing” for this mystery woman. Molly Morgan is preparing for mini golf with 40 year plan guy but Sr might just show up anyhow and totally crash the party. At that point Molly Morgan won’t stand a chance as Sr has more charisma in his little pinky finger than most men have in their entire body. Now I am not one to talk so you didn’t hear this from me but one must wonder if “the man with the 40 year plan” still has a glimmer of hope his heart finds its rightful way to a certain young lady on Team Topper. So it appears we have our first ever TSL Love Hexagon (as illustrated below)

-They were billing it as the “game of the decade” but it wasn’t as Matty’s Angels rolled past ACE 53-29. Let’s talk about the good and bad shall we. GOOD: Kellie Mazur is really really good. When the first drive started and I saw the female ACE corner on Kellie Mazur. I had my hand over my head and went “oh no this is going to be bad” and it was.” GOOD: People can say what they want about systems and plate O spaghetti offense but don’t let MA fool you that team knows what they are doing. BAD: ACE needs to scout opponents better. You do not put your 2^nd girl on Kellie Mazur that is not smart defense and they had to learn that the hard way. BAD: ACE was doing fine at 8-12 yards they got into trouble when they started going long which made literally no sense. BAD: If the only male safety is on the left side of your offense why are you running double guys to the left side of the field. When you see 1 guy only on the field and he’s on the left…wait for it….no wait a little longer…YOU THROW TO THE RIGHT AND MIDDLE KNUCKLEHEADS. C’mon ACE that’s Football 101. GOOD: Matty’s Angels were gracious in victory and post game tipped their hat to their opponents who were also classy in defeat. GOOD: Molly Morgan had quite a day. Earlier in the day girl had the “Immaculate Conception I mean Reception” and really played well in the big win. Looks like she might have got the “dropsies” out of her system. GOOD AND BAD: Even though he was just a spectator standing next to Gordon who was yelling profanities at ACE from the endzone really had me chuckling. He too couldn’t understand their game plan.

-I will try my best to get through this segment, and I so don’t want to use the “R” word but after losing (2) games this week by a combined score of 105-0 is it time for Relegation? It is breaking my heart but is Cobblestone ready for a move to D4?

-Yes there are those that will say that Puckett All Stars were in awe of Joey Batts greatness in a tough 32-14 loss this week but I think the story goes a bit deeper. I think I saw star QB TJ limping and it looked like he aggravated a hamstring and this , yes this, was the reason they could only muster 14 points. Joey Batts knew better than anyone after last weeks fluke he had to deliver this week and boy did he ever. The back to back MVP talk is back on people!!!

- I had a few “interesting conversations” Saturday with 2 women, one from Ultimate Warriors and one from Sticky Bandits. Please know it is not easy running a league of this size. This league is run well and we try our best to do what we think in our hearts is best for all (46) teams. I can tell you that for the past 3 seasons or so this league has been suffering from sub abuse. I along, with Rameer, made it our top priority to try something different to stop the abuse. When we figured out our plan we took it to Topper who was also on board with this course of action. Yes there are good people in this league who just want to play more. But for every 1 of those people I could easily cite 3 examples of teams trying to get player subs who are better than their normal girls thus giving them an unfair advantage in the game. How fair is that to the team you are playing that you bring your 3 girls and some other team brings 2 then uses a “sub superstar” that costs you a game. You might not think much about it but it is my job to think about it so that’s why we are doing what we are doing now. Sub requests through (3) weeks have been like 6. This time last season was about 35 so the system is working. As for players on different teams. It’s the same example. Yes there are really good and nice people who would work here and there but once again how do I tell the other 40 teams they can’t because 4 teams can. Yes there are those that cite other leagues but to me 300 people playing on 3 teams each just isn’t the right way to go. I would rather have more TSL members playing on one team. As I always say though at the end of the season Topper and I will sit down and talk and if it’s working it will continue if it isn’t we are always receptive to new ideas.

-BIG NEWS: Near the end of the last season Joe K and I came up with an idea to have some sort of “Ryder Cup” like tournament between Topper Sports League and Game On Sports. The thought would be to have a one day 5 team on 5 team tournament at say 3 or 4 o’clock. We would get a giant trophy and each year take turns moving between Topper Sports home field and Game on Sports home field. As luck would have it Lenny Synor of Game on Sports was at our fields Saturday and I pitched the idea to him. He as well as Jeff Krol who is on the Game on Sports podcast both loved the idea. I can also tell you I met with Lenny and Topper yesterday and Topper is also now on board. We are all now waiting on approval from Game On management to see if this idea is going to become a reality. I think this could be a really fun and interesting idea if it becomes a “thing”.

-I met 2 new friends on Saturday Joe and Jill from Jabronies. Both were very nice people. I was laughing late in the afternoon as Jill had a few pops in her and I trotted Topper over to her at which point she started taking him to task. “Why do D6 teams only play on Field #5. Why aren’t we special and get to play on Field #1” shouted Jill at Topper which had me dying. Topper didn’t know what to say as he was dying as well. Jabronies are off next week but I am proud to report after a talk with Topper that we will heed your request Jill and at some point this season we will schedule a game for Jabronies on Field #1. I love flex scheduling.

-Paul LoVullo returns and Come from Behind goes 2-0 in (2) big victories 41-12 over Witter’s and 37-30 over ACE. CFB is one tough out in this league when Paul is at QB.

-Slytherin the Endzone 57-8 over Uncle Rico’s is that right? Are we sure that wasn’t a mistake? Gary must be on cloud nine right now. Was Gary even at football Saturday?

-It looks like Coach Jay has once again been nice enough to hold a special Coach Jay Football Camp this Saturday September 29.  Last week Valerie Testa, Brent McKenzie and Brian Ferger attended and things went awesome. How awesome? The record of those (3) players Saturday 2-1. Coach Jay knows his stuff people. Put down the last drink go home one hour early Friday get up early and get to Coach Jay camp. You will learn techniques to get better. Right now we are working on offense. We can also do defense and all kinds of things. If you plan on attended please email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I see Witter’s and ACE on the 10 o ‘clock schedule this week if I was both teams I would trot some players to this camp if it were me. Uncle Rico’s I am looking at you too.

-Speaking of Coach Jay I walked away very impressed with the Angry Buffalo offense though they did lose to Public Enemy 50-36. Angry Buffalo is missing one safety. Once McGrath or Jay German gets back AB is the one team I do not want to play in Round #1 of the playoffs.

-Hootie and the Bro Fish yes that’s HATBF proved they are for real in a big 36-35 win over Eyes Downtown. They scored with little time left on the clock. They made the call to go for 2. They were throwing to Eric Kleckler they had to throw to Eric Kleckler right? WRONG. It is being called the “Immaculate Conception I mean Reception” Bro heeved a throw with all his might and it went directly to Molly F’N Morgan game over! Yes though she was struggling with dropsies HATBF went to Molly Freakin Morgan and she caught the freakin football. Yay Hootie!!!

- I had a few minutes to catch up with both Mo and Dave of Morning Wood this week. I am proud to report Dave eats lunch better than Mo and played way better than Mo this week. One of my favorite moments on Saturday was telling Mo once again that Dave can beat him at anything and Mo saying “Find anyone in this league to agree with you and tell me why.” Then Matty Ice just walked by going off on how much better Dave is at anything than Mo. I will say this though Mo does a great job writing the Godfather article each week. I can’t stress enough though if Dave wrote the Godfather article it would be so much better than what Mo writes. Yes I am slowly setting up a decathlon of sorts between both Mo and Dave. Mo isn’t aggravated enough yet for me to propose my idea to him. I will have driven him crazy enough in about 2-3 weeks time, then I will report back on if he agrees to the idea.

-Speaking of the God Father, I had a nice conversation with both Ben Stack and Dave Baker of Tight Ends in Motion on Saturday. Both agreed that GF should not have taken them to task for insinuating they are just all about Tiger and don’t have any other guys good on defense. I couldn’t agree more with them. Matter of fact I find myself disagreeing with a lot of the things the GF says. I also for the 100^th time (and something I tried to tell Ben and Dave) can not stress enough that I do not write the GF article. I was NOT EVEN AT FOOTBALL for like 4- 5 weeks last season. How did the article get written if I wasn’t even at football? That doesn’t make any sense! I don’t even like the guy. If I did write the article wouldn’t I be defending him? So I decided to write an article myself for the sole purpose of ultimately starting a fight with myself to throw the TSL Universe off the track? That too makes literally no sense. Right?

-Practice Squad vs Celino Sewer Rats is a big game I am looking forward to this week at 2:00.

-1 Todd too Many vs Sticky Bandits is always one of the better games on the schedule each season. Losing Kelly was a big blow to a 1TTM offense that needed her. It looks like the Clarke sisters will be needed more than ever now.

-Racks and Sacks lost again but they did score 21 so things are slowly improving. Incidentally it has been brought to my attention that the awards committee has told us that a player must play 3 games on defense to fully qualify for TSL Best Defensive Player. It has also been brought to my attention that Alex of TEIM has played 2 games on defense. If he plays on defense in just one more game he can qualify.

-I got a phone call at like 8 o clock Saturday from Topper it appears Jeff Krol has been appointed official TSL statistician. Jeff told Topper last night that in the past 3 seasons the team in D3 that has averaged the most points on offense has been none other than 1 Todd too Many.

-It is quadruple dog on this Saturday when (2) of this league’s brightest stars have at it. Joey Batts takes on Matty Ice as A&A has at it with Gryffindor at 1:00. Matty Ice also goes heads up with 1 Todd too Many at 12:00 so the stars will be out in D3 this week.

-I have been thoroughly enjoying the Mentalist article. I also have been enjoying the search for the writer. I have conducted interviews and begun an investigation. This week I have a theory. Ok here goes. In an effort to throw the TSL Universe off the track I write the Godfather article. Then I started to write an article as Lenny. My thought was to ultimately start a fight between Lenny and the GF which ultimately would end in a candid 1 on 1 interview between Lenny and the Godfather where I actually would be interviewing myself. While all this was going on…I actually was writing the Mentalist Article. I am not the Godfather and Lenny is actually NOT writing THIS article but instead throwing you all off the track by only writing the Mentalist Article. So, in closing, who is the Godfather and more importantly now who is Lenny? Think about that one for 30 seconds Dave Baker…….

That’s enough for this week. As I will continue to say if you keep giving me something to write about I will keep writing.

See you next week…..I think

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