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Another fall football season is upon us and so too was our first taste of fall weather which for some means high tailing it to the bar for their first jack fire shot (ahem, I mean first ten jack fire shots) and for others it means to their local Starbucks for their first PSL. Unfortunately, if you’re the latter, you suck because PSL’S are about as sad as our friends known as pAssless Chaps. Seriously, can any two things suck more? pAssless Chaps please do me a favor and attend Coach Bird’s skills camp and shock the world because you are one of the nicest teams in the league and you deserve to win. Furthermore, pAssless Chaps, someone owes you an apology for being the poorest of sports and that person goes by the nickname “Gronk” from CSR. “Gronk”, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that there is absolutely NO reason you need to be rushing and subsequently lay out the QB on a team losing 47-14 with only minutes left in the 2^nd half. “Gronk” this is the same team who have won a combined 3 games since entering the league, allegedly, so the first rain cloud sticker of the season goes to you and your emotional intelligence of a caveman.

 Unfortunately, the apology train doesn’t stop there. TEIM owes everyone an apology for forcing us to watch over and over Ben Stack fail to cover grey headband guy from Eyes Downtown and I’m not taking about Bobby’s bandana which I wonder if someone pulled that off would his head pop off like if you pulled that little white string on the back of a baby doll’s head as a kid? I mean what a nightmare that would be…or would it be a dream? Hm, I wonder. TEIM, you have so much talent on your roster so for the love of God, do better. Last apology of the day needs to come from Michael Corben aka Garbacz for making one of the worst calls as a ref, make that two calls, that I’ve ever seen and to be honest I don’t even know the rules. These potentially changed the outcome of the game and one call even has photographic evidence proving that our friend M.C. needed to call his local optometrist like yesterday and get his eyes checked. Maybe we can start a GoFundMe page and buy him Lasik eye surgery and save us all the trouble. I’m suspecting a potential secret alliance between Bobby’s Bandana, I mean Eyes Downtown, and M.C. I have three words for you M.C.; Rain. Cloud. Mothertruckin’. Sticker. Okay so that was 4 words, get over it. Luckily for everyone better times were ahead, and the theme was none other than wheels. People were spinning wheels, 40-year plan guy is about to wheel Molly Morgan for 18 holes of mini golf, and a new girl on crack emerged and blessed us all with an interpretive dance on and around her car’s wheels like she’s the next Stormy Daniels. It was AMAZING.

If you didn’t know or weren’t present at the bar at 2pm for some reason other than having a scheduled game well, you missed out on the inaugural spin of Toppers Wheel of Hope. Unfortunately, it took 6 spins for a team to be present at the bar and that team was 3^rd and Schlong. They collected their prize, a $100 Angry Buffalo gift certificate, and then what did they do? What they always do. Bought some drinks and made their way over to their secret society meeting next to field 5. I mean WHAT DO THEY DO OVER THERE? The world may never know. But, Scott Keller did grace us with the first spin of the TSL wheel of wealth or disaster. This is where fate truly stepped in and saved 40-year plan guy from potentially having to go through with his 40-year plan with Katie Keller. Seriously, K.K., have you never talked to him? If you haven’t, you should because he is so nice and has a really cute dog. You snooze, you lose K.K. Anyway, he’s on his way to 18 holes of mini golf with Molly Morgan and we all know how that will end. With ice cream. Get your heads out of the gutter people. Plus, finally were going to get a conclusion to all this mini golf talk that has been going on since the bachelorette, what ever happened to that girl anyway? Make sure you’re at the bar next Saturday at 2pm for your chance to win and my sources tell me that there will be opportunities not only for another $100 gift certificate but for everyone present at the bar to win a shot. Now this is about the time that I started to black out so sue me but it was an amazing first week nonetheless. Keep it up TSL and may the odds be ever in your favor on your race to football immortality and don’t forget, I’ll be watching.

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