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THE RANT: CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY EDITION

"I ain't TRYING to tell you sh**. I'll tell YO MAMA you ain't sh**!!!" - Bishop, Juice

"If there wasn't no fight, there wasn't no weekend." - O.J. Simpson

"You come at the king, you best not miss." - Omar, "The Wire"


An entire season has led us here to this point - Championship Saturday. The biggest moment in WNY co-ed sports, and it goes down twice a year (once in Spring, once in Fall). We've gotten this far, and we look to have some really great matchups. This is gonna be a really cool Saturday. Can't wait!

What to talk about, what to discuss? Hmm...well, The Rant really doesn't follow any format. I'm not going to recap all the games, The Sentinel does that. Not gonna preview all the game matchups for Saturday, that's The Godfather's bag. I think I'm just gonna do my regular bullet point thing, and whomever doesn't like it can cry in their Bud Lights for all I care. 

- My ideal championship scenarios are Public Enemy winning it all, Peachy Platoon vs. All We Do Is Qwinn for the title, and Matty's Angels vs. Cunning Stunts for all the marbles. The last 2 scenarios I have no favorite as to who I'd want to win. I'd also like to see Jeremy Burr win a title cuz we need a good villain story to end the session - and whether most of you will admit it or not, y'all would cry in the car if Jeremy won it all. And your tears would be delicious...

- Never conceived a scenario where End Game could lose in the first week of playoffs, but here we are. Contrary to what some people would presume, I've got nothing remotely bad to say about them. Upsets happen. They lost, and they were pretty classy afterwards in an end of the season email to Topper. I look forward to seeing you guys in the Fall, End Game - or maybe even this week to check out the games.

That's another thing - whether your team is in it or not, you should still come by and check out the games this Saturday. Weather will be nice, and you can chill and enjoy games. It's the last Saturday of TSL football for at least a month; come out and enjoy the games! Hell, - scout teams and grab new players for your own while you're at it!!

- It's VERY important that I acknowledge this - Katie Swan (I think that's her name, don't shoot me) from 5 Star Generals and Jackee from Uncle Rico's are the absolute best women in the league that no one talks about. They're both top tier talent. I'm not letting them slide under the radar ever again. Neither woman toots her own horn, but just watch them. They're both game changers. And they need to be on one of the ladies teams next session. ASAP. 

- You guys were really good this past Saturday, and the day went smoothly. PROPS TO YOU GUYS! That said - I'm still walking around Saturday. I will still toss anyone out who acts out of pocket. I will not be the cause of your team to lose, YOU will if you cross any lines. Keep that in mind. I don't want to do it. But I absolutely will. 

- In the event that it's needed, I will add myself as a 3rd ref for championship games should it warrant that. But don't plan on seeing me do it. The ONLY game I currently will be a 3rd ref for is the C1 championship, as the top division always gets a 3rd ref for it's title game. The other games? Silent observer. Well, maybe not silent. But spectator. I'm not about undermining my refs. 

- I know everyone will be talking about Colorado Mike from here to eternity after the kid lied about his college ranking (being on the Colorado Buffaloes is very different than trying out for them) and then face planted TWICE last week trying to show off his "killer speed" - but before you guys make him a "thing" and then get the rest of the league buying into it unsure of the joke? Let me help the innocent bystanders out - it is indeed a joke. Dude is clown shoes. Y'all probably think I'm mean for saying that. Yeah, mean - but honest.

- Uncle Rico's took a lot of heat when they lost to No Punt Intended earlier this season, but they won when it matters. And what I like best that only I know? Before the game, I walked past QB Tim Zielinski who smiled and said very quietly to me "I won't let you down today." He wasn't being cocky, and he said it so low that only I could hear it - but it was a confident proclamation. I LIKE THAT. Then he went out and backed it up. Bravo Tim and Uncle Rico's - that's playoff intensity. Although their win does knock out two of my favorite football folks - Kyle and Elena...

- Things I would've bet a year's paycheck that Id' never in the entirety of my life hear in the Topper Sports League - any white dude referencing Big L to me unprompted and completely out of the blue. 99% of y'all just read that and still don't know who or what Big L is. Which is why I'm flabbergasted I heard it Saturday from a player. BRA-VO. 

- Blind item #1: if you're going to try to make a move on a romantic target, sending a one word text like "hi" or "hey" is lame as f**k. Determining the depth of the meaning based on the response or lack of response is even lamer. Some of y'all really show us older cats y'all have no idea how to functionally communicate with each other. Holy crap. 

- Tight Ends In Motion's best chance to win is with Seth Molisani at QB. Period. 

- The Slytherin That End Zone/Morning Wood double-OT thriller was an instant classic. Props to Newman going for the kill shot firing it in to Kelsey for the win. That took onions! 

- DO NOT try to be slick and bring a ringer in to play for you this week. You'd better use players who are on your roster and who have waivers on file prior to this month. I've already done TWO roster checks on teams last week. They weren't found to be in the wrong - but if you think that ish where you sneak someone in is gonna fly like some of y'all tried during the regular season (again, you really think it went unnoticed, and that's humorous) - try me. Your game will be voided AND you'll get suspended for the next season. 

- Blind item #2: Stop crying to me about people you're attracted to but scared to approach. You're in the easiest social fish bowl experience you could ever be in - talking about how swell that man or woman is but never saying a word to them? That's some ish that should've died with The Little Rascals. Scratch that - even Alfalfa and Spanky would go cap to a girl...

- Topper is thinking of lifting the dog rule. Under certain conditions - if you bring a dog, it must be held by someone at all times and monitored, and it cannot be on the sidelines next to other dogs or children. you can have the dog(s) away of the far field not being used where you can watch from there. Those are his conditions. No exceptions. Also - the far field near the woods? If we run out of parking in the lot, park right by those woods on that field since it won't be being used. DO NOT PARK YOUR CARS OVER BY FIELD #5. I WILL TELL YOU TO MOVE THEM THIS WEEK. 

- If Emily Schilling's squad wins the Breakfast Club Championship...do I then permanently dub her Queen Em going forward, thus grabbing the title from the original Queen Em (Ms. Curry) for good? Oh, the dilemma!!

- Shout out to everyone who thinks my faded single tattoo that I got in 1993 is new. Y'all funny. 

- Speaker owners - I have Spotify Premium as well as Sirius/XM. Just an FYI, cuz commercials suck. 

- I tried to get a league legend to show up at the fields this Saturday, but they have a previous engagement. Think I'll keep them in my back pocket to trot out for the Fall, though. 

- If any teams need QBs for next season - both B and Ricky are currently reffing. And both of them have been to title games - I guarantees they're better than any options you've been suffering through...

- We're at that point of the session where everyone has "ideas" about rule changes and revisions. Then after the session is done, I'll ask people to email us - and then we'll get 2 emails at max. Save your suggestions, write 'em down, and send them to us in August, people. 

- Wine tourney. Early August. Y'all better not front - sign up at the first opportunity! No other league has any type of tournament like this. 

- I was really glad Topper dug up the first podcast we ever did. Now maybe some of you can stop telling me who was on it - like I somehow don't know that Topper, Lenny and myself started it in his basement. JUST US THREE. 

- Speaking of Lenny - you guys have done a phenomenal job honoring him and keeping his spirit strong throughout our league all Spring (and now Summer). Kudos. 

- Anyone interested in reffing for next session, make sure to reach out to me and Topper this Summer. I can always use more refs, and it's not hard money to make, honestly. All of the people who were new and reffed this session actually did a really good job...

- When you win Saturday, no matter how happy you are, now matter how special that victory tastes, never forget - I ain't doin' no shots with you. 

- We should have at least 2-3 unofficial league get-togethers during the month of July. I'm leaving it to you folks to organize these and let us know. Make it happen!

That's about all I got to say. I WILL say that this isn't the last article from me for the session - normally, the articles end after the final Saturday. But I WILL be writing an epilogue article, so check it out next week.

See y'all Saturday - as always, I'll be in the cut...

- Rameer AKA :The Build"

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