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THE RANT: WEEK 2 REVIEW

Category: The Rant
Created: Tuesday, 07 May 2019 12:36
Published: Tuesday, 07 May 2019 12:36
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2454

 

Ayo.

People, let me make something really clear here. For whatever reason, you guys like to come up to me and tell me what you did in your games, who proved The Godfather/Sentinel/Power Couple/Power Rankings/Dave Walter's Beard wrong. As though I'M your access to media in our league. You guys were coming to me telling me podcast stuff when I was literally 3 sessions removed from being on it regularly. Let me help y'all out - THIS. IS. THE. ONLY. ARTICLE. I. WRITE. The Rant. Dassit. Nothing else. I have always put my actual name on anything I write in this league so there's no guessing or mistakes. Yet some of you mealy-mouthed jabronies (not to be confused with the actual R4 squad) keep coming to me. Telling me "Yeah! You were wrong!" On anything that isn't in the rant is a dog barking at the moon. It don't matter, kids. Funny thing is, you're talking to me while the subject(s) of your reactions is/are standing adjacent. No, none of it is Topper, either. And no, if I do or don't know - I ain't talking. As many secrets as you guys KNOW I know about y'all - what makes you think I'm snitchin'??

Just be clear. This is THE ONLY dedicated article I write. 

Now on to other things. 

I was gonna review the week, as I saw a ton of games and got a real lay of the land. But this Sentinel character stole my thunder there, so that plan is out the window. F**k. I will say this - Title Shot is aptly named. But the thing is - none of you really know why. I tried to tell a few of you you're going to find out - and you will. Don't believe me. I ain't snitchin'. Just know that's time for y'all to pay the ferryman - and the ferryman looks and awful lot like Rogo...and Tommy...and DEVOTRON (let's be clear here - I made up that nickname originally, with additional props to Dylan and Paul Johnson)...

I was mad hyped to see more and more people show up this week! Big Mike was back reffing. Meg "MEGATRON" Scheeler made and appearance. Jill Iacono (sorry, I don't know her new last name yet). Pete! Jon McGrath! Big Paul! Jeremy Burr! Brian Ferger (that's my quarterback, y'all - my quarterback!)! Jess McAndrew! Sarah Donagher! TAYLOR PAGANO!!! Good to see so many people showing up week in and week out. That definitely makes me smile. 

Speaking of which - I'll smile more when the weather is warmer, and I don't have ref issues. So you guys can stop asking why the scowl - I don't even know I'm doing it. But if you want to know when I don't look that way - The Build doesn't look sour when his mind is at ease. Thus, one can deduce my mind hasn't been at ease. See how easy that was to figure out?

Since this Sentinel person likes to steal my intended topics, I won't talk about how awesome Dean from Peachy Platoon played - but I WILL note the diminutive little bottle rocket I saw running around for them. I don't know WHO that woman is, but she's tiny, fast and FIERCE. She could be the new Molly Morgan (meaning Molly was tearing it up quietly for a good number of seasons before the rest of you caught up with how good she is)...

I need to find out her name. For now, she's just Bottle Rocket

Where TF is Hitman Hearn??

 

Shout out to Todd Nixon for hearing me call out what a rule was, then highlighting said rule when players decided to argue it and showing that I said the rule almost word for word. Thanks for having my back, Todd - and guys, stop challenging me on rules I helped decide. SMH. 

Classy touch with Lenny's jersey on the chair, PE. Classy as hell. I love the jerseys, too. 

Shout out to Billy for telling me my interpretation of a rule was wrong - and being RIGHT. Yikes (the only people who tend to know the rules better than me consistently are refs).

There's a whole quiet little bumper crop of new ladies in our league who are all fast, petite and...quiet. Hmm. Where are you dudes finding these new players that we all can't scout until it's too late? Is there a softball or volleyball pool of women that are small speedsters I don't know about??

Talking about "B's Brother" more than B is like talking about the kid who got shot more than the guy who pulled the trigger. I'm old school - I always respect THE SHOOTER. 

I know some of you think your dogs are family. That's cool - leave your family at home where they belong. #nodogsallowed

I re-thought my position and truly examined the components. And I came to the conclusion that my good buddy Travis is out of his f**king gourd. #teamDEANNAforlife

Hey Bocc - when I say #teamdeanna, please recognize that Baby Bernal's name isn't spelled with an "e"...

Oh - we're just gonna ignore that Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown are about to play each other with both squads undefeated, huh? Okay. Shout out to Joey - broke my heart to see her in a cast. (Psst - I kinda adore Joey. She talks hella sh** and is really good. Don't tell anybody.)

Hey - when I tell you I don't watch the NFL or game of thrones? That isn't a cue for you to tell me more about either thing. I don't watch cuz I don't give a f**k - if you like hearing me tell you that in person, knock yourself out...

Ladies' teams are a combined 6-1 in the league thus far. Not too shabby. 

I'm cussing a lot more in this article this week, ain't I? Oh well...

Katie Salisbury is currently the frontrunner for female MVP in my way-too-early-to-tell award race. But there's an unstoppable force of nature that may challenge that if this past Saturday was any indication...

I'm not drinking any shots. I don't care what the occasion is, whose birthday it is, etc. Stop asking me. 

I miss the DJs soooooo much. You guys' taste in music is trash. You play the same playlist year in and year out. Billions of songs have been created, with an entire hot 100 chart that comes out weekly, and various algorithms on the different musical platforms we have at our fingertips - and yet you guys are stuck in backyard karaoke mode literally for the past 2 years. The only person who I've ever heard consistently play decent music off a speaker here is Cory Turner. This past Saturday was absurdly caca. 

I won't call any of you out by names. But Topper's got more heart and moxie than a bunch of you people who want to hide your teams in lower divisions because you're scared to compete. He hung right in there with the defending champs. Shout out to Topper for wanting to play the best to BE the best. 

I hope Alex is okay. A pulled groin is painful.

Blind item - I see some of y'all backsliding with your exes and ex-hookups. I just don't say nothin'. #gossip

Thank you guys for having fun without acting too crazy. I notice it and appreciate it. 

If you haven't joined the Telegram app yet, please do. It's easy, and it's the best way to find out about stuff going on with the league. Do it right from your phone. I'm honestly a bit addicted to it now. https://telegram.me/toppersports

See y'all Saturday. Look for me - I'll be in the cut. 

- Rameer AKA "THE BUILD"

THE RANT: WEEK 1 REVIEW

Category: The Rant
Created: Tuesday, 30 April 2019 12:50
Published: Tuesday, 30 April 2019 12:50
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2496

 

 



Man, this week was crappy in terms of the weather. At least 2 dozen people asked me at different points of the day "What's wrong? You look miserable/out of it/dumbfounded." What's wrong is it was 30 effin' degrees at the end of April and my toes and fingers were numb all day. I couldn't catch, I couldn't throw, and both of my teams lost. So yeah - The Build was not necessarily ready to do backflips. But overall, I WAS happy that the season started and happy to see all of you. 

So this doesn't turn into a bitch session, I've decided to turn this into a shout out compilation. Oh, you thought I was going to review games or something? Didn't I tell you I was freezing? WTF makes you think I was watching games that intently? I'll watch games closely when I can walk around with a drink and get some sun. Until then - ain't that what The Godfather is for? Whomever the hell that is??

SHOUT OUT to both of the ladies teams winning and going a combined 3-0 (yes, I took that from the poll - so what). This league runs better when the ladies are laying the smackdown on male-centered candy a$$ teams. 

SHOUT OUT to the refs. Y'all the real MVPs keeping the games under control and braving the elements.

SHOUT OUT to Sarah Hunt. Simply because she always makes me smile just by being herself. 

SHOUT OUT to my buddy Travis, who still needs to come to grips that it's Team Deanna ALL DAY. 

SHOUT OUT to Coach Jay, still one of the nicest, most genuine guys in our entire league.

SHOUT OUT my team The McKenzie Agency for being cool even though I'm like 5,000% the reason we lost our first game...

SHOUT OUT Stephanie from End Game, who apparently doesn't know that people like her. Lolz...

SHOUT OUT to Hollie and Kelly. Football is better when I see both of them in attendance. 

SHOUT OUT to Marisa effin' Gallo! It's the ghost of football's past! In fact, it will be real interesting to see her entire team go up against all the young guns - be afraid, young trouts. Be VERY afraid...

SHOUT OUT to the First Lady of the TSL, Val - and to Joe K. They're invaluable. 

SHOUT OUT to Beth from Eyes Downtown. You read that right - I heard no bitching at all from ED, and that includes from her. In fact, she was downright pleasant Saturday. True story. 

SHOUT OUT to Mo Saleh, and who flew into town at the last second Friday night to make sure he made his games and kept his reffing commitment. I owe you, my brother. 

SHOUT OUT to our new ref Karl Callahan. He did a great job, and he's a solid cot-damned ref. So glad he's on board with us - good guy. 

SHOUT OUT to Sticky Bandits. Cuz how could I not?

SHOUT OUT to Sal for scoring on Klecker. Eat it, Kleck!

SHOUT OUT to Jill and Joey Batts on the birth of their little bambina!

SHOUT OUT to all the teams yet to play. On the one hand, I want  to grill you for not being there for week 1. On the other - I can't, because at least you guys were warm...

SHOUT OUT to Paul Lovullo. Coed football living legend. 

SHOUT OUT to seeing old faces pop up again. I love seeing people I haven't seen in a while return to our league. I hope you guys never leave again. 

SHOUT OUT TO JOE Z, who needs to get back to having fun again in our league. #JZfunagain

SHOUT OUT to the fact that I actually drank no alcohol on Saturday. Not a drop. 

SHOUT OUT to Boccio. He knows why. 

SHOUT OUT to Topper not going for the banana in the tailpipe and making a Competitive Division. y'all muddacuffas ain't slick. 

SHOUT OUT to All We Do Is Qwinn. Love that team. 

SHOUT OUT to Peachy Platoon. I love that team as well. 

And finally, SHOUT OUT to the season to come. Hopefully we can get temperatures above 50 for the rest of the session, and we even are able to get a degree of warmth at some point. 

Y'all know where I'll be - at the fields and in the bar all day on Saturdays. Holla at me - I'll be in the cut. 

- Rameer AKA "THE BUILD"

 

THE RANT - SEASON PREVIEW

Category: The Rant
Created: Monday, 22 April 2019 15:30
Published: Monday, 22 April 2019 15:30
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2824

Welcome, denizens of the Topper Sports League. The time for talk is over, and we're ready to start this thing whether Spring gives us actual warm weather or not. How does this play out this session? We've never had a session begin this way, with the beloved heart of our league no longer with us in physical form. But in true TSL fashion (and as he would like it) - the show goes on, and there are games to play. But what do we make of the current TSL landscape? What can we expect? What will we see? What is there to know for the unseasoned player, team or bystander? Ah...read on, true believers. The Build (trademark pending courtesy of one Matthew "Matty Ice" Ditullio) has the goods for you...

COMPETITIVE DIVISIONS 1 & 2

Oh - you didn't think we'd let y'all slide on this one, did you? Lolz - nice try. Last session, we didn't even have a D2, this session - let's just say we noticed a lot of strong teams loading up for a D2 run instead of even attempting to give it a go at the top of the hill. Enter...The Competitive Division. Similar to what we do at the wine tournament, we placed the upper teams in one division,broken into 2 sub-divisions where they will battle it out for supremacy. When it comes down to it, we feel like any team can beat any team on any given Saturday - and we also feel like steel sharpens steel. Competing against each other and having FUN will be paramount. It is incumbent upon the players and teams to make our competitive division as fun as it can be, and we have faith that you will. 

It also won't hurt that The Build will be watching. CLOSELY. It should be noted that the top 8 teams in all divisions make the playoffs (this means every team in Rec D4 makes it). 

So...how does it play out? Well...


In Comp 1, the obvious favorite to win at the start of our season is the defending 2-time champions Public Enemy. This team was already impossible to corral, and somehow it looks as though they've gotten BETTER. Ah, but rosters on paper never won anything, and they've got PLENTY of competition from the likes of Eyes Downtown (their hated rival who have also upgraded), Marketing Mayors, Tight Ends In Motion, XTC and...1 Todd 2 Many? That's right - Topper ain't NEVA SCARED!!! The fact that he's willing to take his team up against the best of the best should make all teams and players who duck competition embarrassed. Topper leads by example here. 

Comp 2 will be super interesting. Energy Buff, Money Ball and Title Shot would all SEEM to be new teams to the naked eye - but a closer look at the rosters shows that all three teams have significant veteran presence amongst their ranks, and some real studs and legends. Bullet Club, Gryffindor and A&A all boast their own studs and legends. Comp 2 can truly go ANY way on paper - to quote The Commish..."it'll be a WAR"...

PREDICTION: PE, ED, MM and 1 Todd are top 4 in Comp 1; Bullet Club, Money Ball, Title Shot and A&A top 4 in Comp 2. 


REC DIVISION 1

The new "D1" is stacked. Who takes the crown here? Do we go with 3rd & Schlong, with the unstoppable Katie Keller and the undeniable strength of the Keller bloodlines? What about Morning Wood and Slytherin In That End Zone, 2 worthy competitors? Do the young guns of Peachy Platoon and All We Do Is Qwinn have the ability to stretch defenses like they have in the past, or will they find a rude awakening moving up the ladder in terms of competition? And is The Build giving Sticky Bandits, Ultimate Warriors and Frodo Swaggins bulletin board material by NOT bigging them up as much as the other squads?

While I think this could be wide open, I DO see some preseason favorites. 

PREDICTION: 3rd & Schlong, Morning Wood, Slytherin and Peachy are my top 4 here. 


REC DIVISION 2

Well - this should be fun. A special emphasis was placed on really trying to balance out the divisions this session, and I think you guys will be able to tell. As such, pretty much every division is toss-up status. Who pulls RD2 out? You can't knock Uncle Rico's Time Travelers. They consistently get it done in recent times. At this point, Lenny would say "But what about League Icon DARRYL?", to which I'd reply "What ABOUT him??" Alas, I love Darryl as much as anyone. But I've  yet to see any life in the ol' squad since Garrett Beesing headed for the door. Maybe he'll surprise me. Doubt it.

(Note - this is the part of the article where I tell people to not take a rec co-ed touch football league website article seriously, as I have no beef with anyone. So save the sensitivity for Ralph Tresvant, please.)

This division is just loaded with scrappy, tough teams that play hard. It's hard to choose the so-called "top" teams here - but I'll give it a shot...

PREDICTION: Your top 4 here are Uncle Rico's, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Puckett All-Stars and End Game (this is based solely on their choice of name - don't let me down, guys). 


REC DIVISION 3


You ready for some fun? cuz I'm ready for some fun! A division with Matty Ice, TWO ladies' teams, defending champ Hope 'N' Ruin AND Uncle Topper? How can you not love it? This was my toughest division to choose, as I'm sure these teams are going to be beating up on each other. I might as well throw darts blindfolded to choose the "top teams here. Still - you're not reading this for me to waffle on who I think will emerge as the cream of the crop. With that said...

PREDICTION: Matty's Angels, Cunning Stunts, Vandalay Industries and Hope 'N' Ruin could be top 4. I'm only confident about Matty's, though. 


REC DIVISION 4


Well - there's only 6 teams in this division. So picking 4 top ones might seem unfair and belittling 2 teams, but since the build knows he's not trying to belittle anyone and just telling it like I see it FOR FUN...eff it. Yes, this division lacks the speed and athleticism overall of the upper divisions, but it certainly keeps the FUN factor in mind when the teams take the field. Again, Topper put on his genius hat this off-season to make things competitive - so this division, like almost every one, can go in any direction. That all said...

PREDICTION: Practice Squad, The Bambs, TMA and pAssless Champs are as good a choice as any to be top 4 here. 


BREAKFAST CLUB


Ooo - what do we have here? This might have been the most fun Breakfast Club draft to date amongst the ladies; let's see if it translates to the field. Very quietly, Emily Schilling put together a super solid squad, and if they can gel - look out. Not to be outdone, Kelly Liddle was pretty measured in her selections too. Okay - BIAS ALERT, BIAS ALERT - I'm on Kate Keller's squad, and she chose Topper as QB with her first pick. The last time topper and I anchored a team together (which was back when Atlantis was still on the Earth) - we won a championship. So yes, that nostalgia is coming to mind for me.

Oh - you guys could give a rat's arse. You wanna know top 4. Gotcha. 

PREDICTION: Schilling 'Em Softly, Natural Born Kellers, Bern Them All and Peanut Butter Kelly Time rock out the top 4 here.


Now stop. Take a breath. Again, realize this is ALL FOR FUN. Some of you just read this and are gnashing your teeth I didn't give you enough "props" in this piece. A handful of you "get" it and will joke with me about this when you see me Saturday. Others of you will play it off, but keep it in the back of your mind all season and throw any win by your team and a loss by another in my face as though I care about anything other than having fun, making sure the league operates smoothly and having a hard apple cider with Taylor Pagano at some point in the day. The point is to understand all of this is for you guys to enjoy yourselves on Saturday and during the week leading up to each Saturday. We put in a lot of work each session, and I think we've done a good job for the past decade in putting out a good product. 

But it's up to YOU to uphold it and enjoy it. 

Let's make this session rock - and carry it out as our beloved Commish always intended every Fall and Spring. As always, you know where you'll see me - on the fields, every Saturday from about 8:30am to 6pm (yes, I spend a whole work shift there if you haven't noticed by now). Feel free to buy Topper a drink every Saturday, too - he kinda quietly busts his hump to make this thing run like a well-oiled machine. But don't tell him i told you to get him a drink - be like Mike and just do it. 

 

- Rameer AKA "THE BUILD"

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