Login Form




Category: The Rant
Created: Tuesday, 08 October 2019 09:13
Published: Tuesday, 08 October 2019 09:13
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2915



"Do You Know

Where you're going to?

Do you like the things

That life is showing you?

Where are you going to?

Do you know?"         - Diana Ross, "Do You Know Where You're Going To"

Week 8. Amazing we've made it this far. This is the point in the season where Lenny and I would usually start becoming sick of teams, sicks of players, sick of shenanigans, and pretty much sick of each other. But we'd buffer it off of each other to some degree, and push through. Well, I don't have Lenny around to buffer it, folks. So yes - that means I'm crabby as f**k. Not because I'm naturally that way - y'all are driving me nuts. And that means ZTR is making an earlier appearance than usual this Fall.

Who or what is ZTR? ZTR stand for Zero Tolerance Rameer. Congratulations! You guys did it. And please believe, this genie doesn't go back in the bottle. Once we're here, we're here until the season is over. So while this season there have been numerous warnings in this article and elsewhere - all I'll say is please don't be the one to be that example. Don't make me put you on that Summer Jam screen. And this doesn't mean I'm looking to mess with anyone - it just means exceptions and understanding are done with. Strict enforcement of the rules? That's what's for dinner now. 

"Talk is cheap and if talk got any cheaper

They'd be selling Nike tongues instead of sneakers..." - Queen Latifah, "Latifah's Had It Up To Here"

I want to send an apology out to Kasey of All We Do Is Qwinn. I feel partially responsible for bringing the circus to her backyard, and while I don't think she takes offense - I still should do better. I will. In the meanwhile - stay away from LDE, young Kasey. And continue to ball out. 

I also apologize to teams who have had questionable reffing decisions. While I didn't make those decisions, it's on me to put out the best guys to uphold the game and not hurt your team. Human error does occur, and most times it's not the ref(s) that cause you to lose - but I understand the frustration. And I'm trying to make sure we address things better for you all. 

Shout out to the ladies of A&A. Yes, we got blasted this past Saturday - with only 2 men from our entire roster present, we had to use subs and there was just no shot to win. But it wasn't on the ladies. They played hard and never got down. They honestly kept us in both games near the beginning. I love our women - I know many teams feel this about their teammates, but I really think we have some of the best ladies in the league in terms of talent AND attitude. 

An email was sent out to captains addressing substitutions. In summary, it says this - please don't try to sneak any players on to your roster, or try to be slick with subs in the playoffs, etc. If your plan is any of these things - you're done for the season. No exceptions. No negotiating. The rules are clear on this. You can read them on the Topper Sports page under "downloads" - rules #5 through #8 address substitutions, and Section G does as well. Oh, and if you're one of these teams that send emails/messages to Topper, myself, the sublist, etc. Friday night or Saturday morning thinking that allows you to grab someone?

Not our problem. PLAY SHORT. You've got all week to figure out who will be there for your team. Not our responsibility cuz you didn't start checking until Friday after work. I knew last week on Monday my team needed subs. Plenty of teams do things the right way - the wrong way will not be rewarded or aided. 

The cold war between the podcasts continues, but you know what? I'm at the point where I've stopped listening. That's not knocking either one - prior to this session, I hadn't listened to the podcast in about 2 sessions. This past spring, we obviously didn't have a podcast airing. Now we have 2 podcasts, and while I commend the effort put into both - I'm bowing out from the war. So don't ask me what I thought of whatever was in either one - I'm not gonna hear it. Burn out is real. 

I sincerely hope most of you who are now coming up to me WEEKLY crying about what rules need to be changed, thrown out, added, revised, etc. keep that SAME ENERGY prior to the Spring session when Topper and I begin asking people for what rules should be changed or looked at. A bunch of you love to lecture us on what we should do, but are quiet as a church mouse when we actually say "Give us your ideas." Which I did prior to this session. I hope those of you who engage in this practice take my numerous "eff yous" with the sincerity I give them out to you. Because by this point in the season, we're not changing rules, and we're not remotely giving a crap that you decided you don't like a rule that effected your team in a game that y'all didn't bother to care about when we had all those weeks of down time. And to be clear - I reached out to like 20 individuals in the offseason. Very few bothered to respond. 

Remember F, M, K? Lenny loved that game, and it used to appear on the podcast, at the bar, in multiple articles, etc. I thought it was really fun myself. But I dare not put it in my article, cuz I know the firestorm that would happen if I named names even in fun. I can do that in person, but not in print - y'all don't know how to act. But I'll still have a little fun with it - this Saturday (and this Saturday ONLY), if you can correctly tell me which 3 ladies in the league (above all the others) I would F, M, K? I will buy you food and drinks all day on my dime. Now, you're probably thinking that's unfair cuz of how many people there are in the league. Well...DUH. It ain't supposed to be easy. I'll say it ain't as hard as y'all think, cuz I think a good number of you can figure out the "K". It's the "F" and the "M" where you'd likely get stumped. So I'll give you this one hint, and it's the ONLY hint - they all have the same hair color. Not telling you if that's brunette, blonde or redhead. Just saying...THAT'S the only hint.

And no, I will not tell you when you have part of it right or wrong. You have to offer all 3 selections, and once you do - I will tell you if you were wrong or right. 

I'm gonna say this on the record, cuz I say it off the record all the time - Topper does a ton to make sure you guys have fun. A ton. Not gonna list it, it's evident. So as his friend, please stop coming up with ideas to use HIS dime. I feel like some of you love to come up with these grandiose ideas of what would be awesome to do that costs a pretty penny, but y'all NEVER offer to pony up or chip in yourselves. This ish costs money. All of it. And some of you lose track of that. I never do, and never did. But think of that next time you're suggesting "the league rent a Delorean for a day and get a marching band to play on field #1 at noon" - you going in your pocket for that? No? Then kindly shut the f**k up. 

Now that Deanna is gone (#teamdeanna!) I've discovered something Saturday - Nikki is the only bartender who can make an accurate Paulie J. I bought a pitcher and it was...aight. Wasn't up to snuff. Keep that in mind if you're buying it, true believers. 

Speaking of Nikki...her friend Ashley seriously needs to stop by the fields before the season is over. She said she would (lies!)...

It hasn't been discussed, by why not - you guys have any interest in a wine tour? TSL wine tours tend to be phenomenal events. If so, let myself, Topper, Joe K, Val or Emily know for the rest of the season. Based on interest, maybe we'll look into pricing. 

It was alleged that the league doesn't have women writers and never has. Again - know your history. The Godmother Marissa Mariano had an article for the league for a good while, and you mopes have no idea if The Power Couple, Godfather, Power Rankings, Sentinel or any number of past articles were written by men OR women. Factually speaking, the ONLY article where people have been 100% sure of the identity of the writer is MINE - purposely. Please tuck your assumptive sexism back in your upper lip and STFU. 

Similarly - Val is not the 1st "First Lady of the TSL". Hell, she's not even the first VAL that was the 1st First Lady!!! Chew on THAT, youngsters! Lolz! 

Apparently, this week is "E-ville", an event many of you look forward to yearly and go to, which means attendance may be a bit spotty on Saturday (although many will play their games and just leave to go afterwards).I've never gotten the E-ville thing and at this point, don't see myself ever partaking in it. Cultural differences - I have no interest based on the stories and pictures I've seen. But hey, those of you attending have fun. It's just not my bag. 

I think I should restate this so that everyone gets it, even though I already discussed it...once the playoffs start, you're playing with your team. No subs. No QB off the sublist, no men off the USL, no multiple women. You may use one non-rostered woman that the league will decide on, and you are absolutely not guaranteed to be approved just because you want someone as good or better as your missing player(s). You would do wise to keep this in mind. Also - if you think sneaking in a player during the playoffs is worth it? The only time a playoff game's result was negated in the TSL - it was me who made the call. Yes, Lenny made most of the hard decisions - that's the one I made. So yes, I will totally disqualify you for bringing in cousin Joey who used to play for Boise State and thinking you won't get caught. Again - your opponents ain't dumb. and they will ask for a roster check if they see some really good player(s) they didn't see all season. And I will check your roster right there in the moment - this season, that ish is ALL right on my phone. 

We've only got a few weeks left. Let's make 'em count, and let's have fun. This is not the time to up the shenanigans, it's time to get serious about winning and enjoying your teammates and fellow players in the league. If my article was a bit dour this week - well, it's a good thing there are multiple articles, ain't it? Listen to the podcasts - I'm sure they'll bring a smile to your faces. You know what brings a smile to my face?

"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!" - Conan The Barbarian

Holla at me - I'll be in the cut. 


- Rameer AKA Zero Tolerance

The Rant: Week 7

Category: The Rant
Created: Tuesday, 01 October 2019 12:41
Published: Tuesday, 01 October 2019 12:41
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2725


"What!? The kids better buy my rookie card now

Cause after this year the price ain't coming down..." - Yasiin Bey, "Oh No"

It's been an interesting season. Admittedly far more drama-free than last Fall, knock on wood. Although I did have to ban a kid from this league for the first time ever (usually Lenny handled ejections and bans and we backed his play). and when I say ban, I mean that kid is never playing in this league again. Trust. But enough about f**k boys - I wasted too many keystrokes already on people who ain't worthy enough to breathe the same air that I farted in. 

Let's talk about me for a second. If I may get my Joey Batts on...

You know - this past week was the first game that I didn't score a TD or extra point this season? The irony about that is, Matty Ice actually PLANNED for me to score this week. He wanted to make sure he ran plays for me to get some scores. But things changed, as we had enough horses to really play, and I went into coach mode instead of playing. I didn't play until the end of the game when it was well decided. But I've had a really fun time with A&A - how could I not? We're undefeated and Matty is going nuts all over the league. and letting y'all know about it. Matty told me after an very early comeback win this session "How does it feel to be on a team where you know if your QB has the ball last, there's a 100% chance you're going to win??" Some of you just read that and groaned or rolled your eyes. But you know what?

It feels GOOD. 

I haven't had confidence in a QB like this since Dylan was slinging bombs for Riley Street Station back when we owned this league (make no mistakes - RSS was the original showstoppers in terms of talking smack and backing it up in the TSL). That's no dis to QBs I've played with previously - I've played with a lot of good QBs. But I honestly see us with 6th down having like a 75% chance of punching it in when Matty's back there. The type of confidence feels awesome. And I love my teammates. Sadly, the big matchup this week with Tight Ends In Motion and Team Topper will be tainted - Matty won't be there, and neither will a good umber of our players. But we'll put our team out there and let the cards fall where they may. WE don't duck our fate like some teams (I won't name them - for now). 

Moving right along - let me save you guys the emails, phone calls, texts, in-person meetings, etc. NO, your male buddy who plays on a team in another division, or who plays in Game On weekly, or who hunts with you, etc. CANNOT sub for you. There is this growing epidemic that is happening of you guys asking me this really dumb a$$ question that I'm POSITIVE you know the answer to already. I'm positive cuz it's all people who have played for a while. The rule is you can request a woman from your division or lower, and you can request the male subs listed on the sub list. DASSIT. No exceptions. Especially with guys. The fact that you folks are even asking me to let guys who don't have waivers sub...

Get. This. Through. Your. Heads. It is not our jobs to help you put the best team on the field. That was your job when you constructed your team. If you're missing people, suck it up. Play short or request a sanctioned sub. We've gone way out of the way to make sure you guys can compete, and you're still trying to find loopholes. Oh - and please believe at this point of the season, I'm actually trigger happy to suspend someone sneaking in an illegal sub. I really am. Try me. 

"Just a warning, as usual some cats won't heed it

The hard-headed always gotta feel it to believe it..." - Yasiin Bey, "Oh No"

Y'all are funny - 11am, you're complaining to me that a specific ref sucks. By 2pm, you're requesting him to ref your games the following week. Lolz...

I told y'all B could do some things. Y'all see him out there leading Come From Behind to victory? With no warming up at all? Yeah, he was rusty and out of practice. He still put up almost 40 points and got the "W". But y'all don't want to listen to me - aight. Keep losing with your 3rd string receiver slinging when your regular can't make it...

I try not to ever really critique other articles or the podcasts in my own article any more. But I've got to say, the writers and creative forces behind those things need to reach out to me if they need to know info. Yes, no one can be the walking treasury of information that Lenny was. But I DO know a lot of stuff, and especially when it comes to history. Case in point:

- Matty's Angels has lost plenty of times to regularly constructed teams. To even ask that is silly. True, they've had winning records most of their existence - but them losing to a "regular" team is nothing new. 

- The oldest TD toss by QB to WR would be Paul Lovullo to one of several players on Come From Behind. Dubey to Stegs ain't even close. 

Sometimes, I listen to what is said to be "great" in our league and think the convos are similar to youngsters who watch pro sports who declare the best players of their generation are the best ever cuz they never bothered to find out about what came before them. While some of you make silly assertions of who the best woman may be, no woman has ever come close to Devotron in her prime. And if I have to go current, no current woman is as good as pre-mama Margo or Meg "Megatron" Scheeler in her prime. Get'chu some knowledge, fools! 

I'm not going to keep giving pub to this ish - but I will say that the QB for Frodo Swaggins is almost to the point where we need to take him out behind the shed and give him the Old Yeller treatment. Shame - some of us thought he was on the cusp of becoming a star. Now I just see that this could never occur, due to an abundance of LDE (trademark: Taylor Pagano) that permeates throughout the man's essence. Don't believe me? Here is a direct quote from him in an email sent to the league last week:

"2-0 this week on my mama Lisa Dro."

This was in response to criticism lobbied against him from - well, from everywhere. Podcasts, articles, convos on Telegram...The QB Who Shall Not Be Named thumbed his nose swearing he would "rectify" things with the apple of his eye (to date - NOT A WORD to her) and then called his shot and guaranteed he'd win his doubleheader. ON HIS MAMA. Then went out and got his Trent Edwards on in a loss to End Game. Where he looked anemic as a QB. 

Calling your shot and taking an "L" will get you clowned all day in this league. The moment is over - you lost. You lost it all. You only had one shot - and you missed your chance to blow. This opportunity only came once in a lifetime...

I have no influence over the other articles. but I'm going to have a fit if he doesn't drop down the QB rankings after that garbage performance on and off the field AGAIN. Let us not speak of him again in this article - and let's hope Mama Dro doesn't know her son is out there putting her good name on the line in losses...

 I need to shout out Emily 2.0 (Emily Schilling) for stepping up to the plate and inserting her Breakfast Club championship team in D2 (Schilling 'Em Softly) to replace We Back who folded - We Back became "they LEFT". She put in her team with a few additions (hello Hitman Hearn and Timothy Dove!) and they put up a much better effort in a close loss this week than the team the replaced did the entire season. Way to step it up, Em - I owe YOU the drinks this week. 

Shout out to Energy Buff for proper use of the sublist and sub rules this past Saturday. Instead of whining and crying about who they would or wouldn't have, they actually followed the rules and put together teams for their doubleheader that resulted in them splitting the games for the day. Well done Erik & company - other teams should take note. 

Shout out to ME for maintaining order and civility while Topper was gone the two Saturdays before this one. Since few were apt to give that recognition (thank you to those of you who did), I'll recognize my cot-damned self. Cuz things could definitely go left, and they didn't come close to doing so. No, I don't NEED any pats on the back, and Topper always recognizes everyone who helps minor or major. But this ish is a lot of work sometimes, and so I ain't got a problem tooting my own horn occasionally when others overlook work being done. 

Website recognition to Zack Attack, Buffalo Solar Solutions, No Punt Intended, TMA, Graves Bros., Over Compensators, Come From Behind and 3rd & Schlong. I see all of y'all trending in the right direction - and whether the other media sources in our league recognize or not, The Build sees y'all. #salute

My advice to those who have media platforms and contribute to the awesome TSL universe? Give shine to those who don't get it and who aren't courting it. The attention whores will always try to stay in the mix, but the Emily Peters and Mike Mckenricks of the league are out there, putting in work and not trying to get on every article and podcast. And while I appreciate some good grandstanding and the desire to be recognized - I also recognize that we can create monsters who feed off attention. Don't feed the TSL Kardashians - big up the folks who might actually smile at seeing their name once in a while cuz they see people recognize them without them having to dance for the spotlight. Cuz with the weeks we have left - you'll see certain names fail to get mentioned any more in MY article. 

Saturday will hopefully be as fun as ever. Holla at me - I'll be in the cut! 




Category: The Rant
Created: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 14:09
Published: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 14:09
Written by Super User
Hits: 2835

"Sit down...BE HUMBLE!!" - Kendrick Lamar

Citizens of the Topper Sports League - do you see the above image? This...is the agony of defeat. A picture of a broken man. He is at this moment reexamining life decisions. He sits alone in his sorrow, knowing that he done f**ked up, A-ARON. Running his mouth to any and all that could hear of what he and his teammates would do to their opponent...only to be curbed stomped by said opponent in the most disheartening of fashion. 

He should contemplate this...on The Tree of Woe...

You talk that yang, and you must face the music. We've all lost games, and many (myself included) have lost games after talking smack. But the level of smack coming from En Fuego about their matchup this past Saturday with Over Compensators was playoff-level, and if you're gonna bump your gums like that - people are gonna notice. and boy, did I notice. I noticed Crystal for OC doing whatever she wanted to En Fuego (I heard she got a pick, too?). I saw EF beginning to melt down under pressure. I saw the smirks and muffled laughs of OC as they must have surely been thinking "THESE guys?? THESE guys thought they could hang with US??" And I saw what ultimately wound up as a 58-25 obliteration. 

We all lose. But when you get your sh** pushed in that bad - methinks a modicum of humility may be in store going forward. We all feel good when we're winning - but on any given Saturday, the chips may fall in favor of someone else. You gotta keep a realistic view of yourselves - anyone can get it on any day. We'll see how they recover. Is this a galvanizing moment that puts this team on the path to a title? Or will this be the moment we say THIS is when the cracks began to show? Time will tell.

Meanwhile - Larry keeps putting up Matty Ice-like numbers. Congrats to the victors! And speaking of Matty Ice...

You guys realize dude is 9-0 combined this season between his two teams, averaging over 40 points per game? Look, I get it. Some of you are sick of Matty being Matty. But it's gonna be hella hard to not give this dude MVP if he continues this ish. A&A won our doubleheader (I didn't play that well - I was sick Saturday unbeknownst to most), and then Matty's Angels won a big matchup against Mountain Dew Me (one of my FAVORITE new teams) behind a big effort from Margo Jablonski. I can't even say that what she did was "amazing" - as I watched her get 3 Ints and throw for 2 TDs to her sister (amongst the MANY things she did), all I could say was "Margo gonna Margo." Like - she's been doing that ish for years. It's funny that we're at that time in generational crossover in the TSL where there are people who don't know how good Margo was for years. She took time off to become a mother - but that's still Margo. She will drink your milkshake! She will drink it UP!! 

There were a lot of good games, and I'll leave it to the other articles to chronicle what went down. But it was a good day, and things ran smoothly even without Topper. I personally was ecstatic to see DJ Jim out there, and he was playing a ton of great music. Must've been weird for those of you accustomed to playing the same 30 songs for 8 hours, but he was doing this weird thing called "deejaying" where you play current hot tracks across multiple genres, and some classic material mixed in as well. Jim is a GREAT DJ, and word is he'll be back this week as well. Can't wait. 

My favorite thing though is the Roguecast he's doing with Joey Batts (that's my name for it, and I'll only be calling it that or WCW Nitro). The cold war for the TSL eardrums between those guys and Joe K's "official" TSL podcast is the best development we've had in over year. We all win, cuz we get TWO podcasts to check out within a week's time! It's only been a short time - but I kinda favor the pace of the Roguecast. The TSL podcast has it's format, and maybe it's just a bit stale to me. I like it, don't get me wrong. But Joey Batts is like Kool-Aid Man bursting through your wall every week! True, that can get old real fast - but for now, I've been THOROUGHLY entertained. 

"Don't tell a lie on me - I won't tell the truth on you..." - Kendrick Lamar

A few people have tried to "joke" about what I've been doing for A&A. Problem is, they themselves haven't watched. Outside of this week, where I admittedly played lethargic - I've been holding my own. I average about a TD or two a game, and I sneak in my extra points. Don't worry about what I'm doing, kiddies - I'm just over here being undefeated and ish. What are YOU doing??

Blind item #1: Most weeks, you read about me bigging up my favorite on-the-field twins, The Peters Twins. But THIS week, even though All We Do Is Qwinn wasn't there (except for Rawdog - THANKS, Rawdog!) - they came up. Well, one of them did. Apparently Casey has been noticed. Now it ain't my business to tell, so you ain't hear this from me - but besides being a really good player and cool woman, Casey has caught the attention of an admirer. I'm no snitch, and I have no idea what Casey's status is - but let's just say there's a Charlie Brown looking for his own Little Redheaded Girl, perhaps...

"Why you babysittin' only two or three shots?
I'mma show you how to turn it up a notch
First you get a swimming pool full of liquor, then you diiiiiiiive in it
Pool full of liquor, then you diiiiiiiive in it..." - K.Dot 

Blind item #2: Okay, so that last one wasn't so blind. But THIS one is. People - be aware of yourself at all times. Many of you aren't as slick or subtle as you think you are. So if you dip in the woods for a little bit...someone probably saw you. I'll leave it right there with no further details. The person(s) who need to saw it know who they are...

Serious business for a second. People - please park in our lot near the bar and fields. DO NOT park in the little cul-de-sac by field 5. Those neighbors over there do not like us parking there, and have made it known in the past and caused headaches for our league. Thanks. 

Also - PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY. Specifically - news came to me and Topper that a player's car was dinged by another car that was parked next to it. The offender didn't ask anyone who owned the car, didn't leave a note - nothing. So the person had to come to their car with damage left to the door of their vehicle from someone's carelessness. NOT COOL. If you are the person in question who dinged someone's car, you can reach out to us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. so we can put you in touch with the person whose car you damaged and you can make things right. This is not an issue we should be having to worry about, folks. Us old timers used to leave out of the bar at midnight barely able to see after drinking all day, and we managed not to damage our fellow players cars. C'mon. 

Thank you to those of you who have gone out of your way to be more respectful in your dealings with the refs, and who have gone as far as to even compliment them. It's good to hear the positive instead of the complaining side of things. The refs are human, and they try hard, and they've been much tighter and smoother the past couple of weeks. It's hand-in-hand relationship, so we need everyone to work together to keep our league running smoothly. 

Man, I WISH I could get y'all as upset as The Godfather and QB Rankings articles got y'all last week! I'll admit, I'm a little jealous - I almost wrote this with the intent of starting ish to rile folks up. But I stayed true to what I do - I only write what's on my mind, whether that be something to upset folks or not. I will say this - after I saw the QB rankings? I agreed with 'em. 100%. 

Here's my midseason all underrated team:

QBs: Ryan, TMA; Joe Miano, Jabronies; B, We Back

Male players: Josh, Frodo Swaggins; Joe Z, A&A; Travis, DILFs; literally every dude on Over Compensators
Female players: Katie Swanson, The Replacements; Marissa Thompson, Peachy Platoon; Jess Cunningham, Slytherin In That End Zone; Misty, Public Enemy


Before y'all get up in arms - this is MY opinion of people who don't get mentioned in the "best" discussion or "good" level of player. Sure, a lot of you may see Travis' name pop up, for example - but how many times are you saying he's a complete, good player? Not often. To me, that qualifies him as underrated - as well as the other I listed. and you may be wondering why is B on this list, and he hasn't played in our league in a few seasons? B has won championships in rec football. I've been on a team where he was our QB and we lost a championship in overtime to Bobby (Eyes Downtown). Many of y'all haven't seen him play to know he's a good QB, and maybe he'll come out of mothballs and NOT be good. But I doubt it. Sun can still sling the rock. 

No one guessed correctly who my favorite active male and female players are in the league, by the way. And I'm not telling. 

Anybody remember the "King Of The Asses"? It was this dude who came for only one session to watch teams play. He dubbed himself KOTA and would walk around all day talking about which women had the best asses in the league. Lenny thought this dude was a hoot (and honestly, he was). Sadly, he was only around one session. If I knew how to bring him back, I would. He was instant comedy. The best part was watching women get competitive over how great their ass was/wasn't perceived by him...

Hey - please don't let me catch up sneaking and bending rules. This past Saturday, a number of "emergency player options" came up. Several teams can confirm that I bent the rules to assist them. As I've stated in the past - Topper and I are NOT hard line jerks. We enforce the rules, but tend to be accommodating to respectful teams every now and then. It's better to ask and get "no" then sneak and get suspended. Trust me. 

Topper won't be at the fields this week, so any questions on Saturday, please see me. I don't have a game scheduled to play, so I'll only be playing if a team needs a sub. But I'll be there all day handling things and making sure we're running smoothly as normal. Come say hi - don't be shy. You'll see - I'll be the one over in the cut. 

"I'm standing on a field full of land mines
Doing the moonwalk, hoping I blow up in time..." - K.Dot


The Rant Week 6

Category: The Rant
Created: Tuesday, 24 September 2019 14:37
Published: Tuesday, 24 September 2019 14:37
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 3332


The Rant: Week 6


First, let's get to the elephant on the field - yes, we had an "incident" at the fields with a player and a ref. No, regardless of what the Topper Sports TMZ Crew will tell you, it wasn't as crazy or over-the-top as you might think it was. Our ref addressed it, the game went on, and the league will handle it accordingly. Dassit. 'Nuff said. Let's move along to more important things.

I've got 3 things I need to address with you - PLEASE pay attention and respect these things:

1. DO NOT park on the street near field 5. Look, plain and blunt - those people in those houses don't like us, or our league. There's a history of them causing problems for us. Now some of you like to live in Make-Believe Land and talk about how it "should" be and "freedom of where to park" - I'm concerned with the well-being of the league. If they caused a problem that got us removed cuz you wanted to be a jerk and prove a point, guess who loses? EVERYONE in our league. We have ample parking ,and none of you should be so lazy that you can't walk. You're literally there to play football and be active. Park in the lot with everyone else. Period. If you can't respect that, then we will have no issue if you decide to play elsewhere. 

2. DO NOT get into it with the bar or it's employees. Look, we've had a back and forth relationship with the bar over the years, I get it. And when the bar is wrong, believe me - I let them know they're wrong. But do not yell at the employees, do not degrade them, do not call them names, and do not bring drinks that they don't serve to the fields and drink them in front of the bar! Some of you are awfully stupid at times to be full-grown adults. You'll probably think that's harsh, and I'll probably agree. It was meant to be. There's an intense lack of common sense going on with some of y'all at times, and nicely talking to you hasn't worked. So let me lay it out once again for you - if the bar decides you're not allowed there, there's nothing Topper or I can do. Nothing. Why risk that? You do realize the bar can ban you from the property? And they just haven't because they like our league overall and respect Topper? People - I don't bother or ride you guys about this stuff. When i say something, it means some of you have effed up. Knock it off. Please. 

3. Respect the refs. Some of you act like Topper or I don't get calls against us. WE DO. We just don't throw tantrums. We disagree, express our opinion, and move on. Sometimes, we even talk about which ref made a horrible call, just like the rest of you. But listen - if a ref recommends you to be suspended for a game, that recommendation is currently holding A LOT of weight. A LOT. Don't risk missing a week cuz you think you're the TSL
Antonio Brown. Where's he at - home? You can be too. 

That's pretty much it. But I DO have a message specifically to the ladies of the league...some of you are very slick about how you maneuver in our games when it comes to checking your fellow ladies. While a jersey tug here or a bump there is just regular football - some of y'all are mugging women. Enough. Going forward, I'm going to say something during your game if I see it. It could be just telling the ref to flag your a$$, or it could go as far as me literally walking in the middle of your play, stopping the game, and kicking you out. This is a rec league, and while I understand it's football and there's some physical interactions that occur - I'm seeing ladies pick themselves off the ground far too many times lately. And not "delicate" women either - women who are pretty solidly built. We've all got jobs and careers. Knock that ish the f**k off, cuz it ain't the men doing this bullsh** - it's y'all. 

 This hasn't been too fun of an article, has it? Yeah, hasn't been fun for me to write it, either. So I'd like to lighten it up and shout out all of you have been failing to name my 2 favorite people. Some good tries,though - but no one has nailed both the man and woman who are my favorites. Maybe you got one right and not the other, maybe you got none right - I won't tell. And you only get one try. Get it right - drinks all day non-stop on me. But I know NONE of you could possibly get both right. Nope - no hints are telling if you're on the right track.

So...last week, I had to call out Blase for bumping his gums and not being able to produce after all that yang he dropped. But this week - we have a much more egregious transgression. A mark against league history if ever there was one to be noted! Let the record show, that in an unsolicited rambling, one Scotty 2 Hotty decided to let the universe know that there was a woman in this league that he thought was "swell". Let the record also reflect that S2H kept this going to the extent of revealing in an article that it was he who had the "crush" on a woman I will refer to as The Little Redheaded Girl (Charlie Brown reference for you kiddies). Then, after all this hoopla and hype, LRG shows up with her team, balls out (she's a very good player, for the record) and S2H, who is not only there but literally playing on the field RIGHT NEXT TO HER AT THE SAME TIME, says nothing to her before the game, during halftime, or after the game when LRG and her teammates hung out for a little bit. 

I'm from the Kobe Bryant school of courtship. This means...if presented an opportunity, I believe YOU TAKE THE SHOT. 

If you miss, at least you TOOK THE SHOT. No one can say you cowered from the moment. But no shot was taken, not even a free throw. What was the end game? To put this all on blast, draw attention, and then recede like George Jefferson's hairline at the first opportunity? I mean - hitting her DMs probably would've been the better move. She's a really cool woman, but naturally quiet and reserved. She didn't want the attention, and as such - after this article, the only time I'll refer to her directly in the future is to talk about how sweet she is on the field (I talk all the time about the Peters Twins, but LRG is pretty dope as well. #respect). 

I don't run the podcast - but S2H? YOu are this week's LVP (Least Valuable Player). Normally, you're my dude. But you get the gas face for abject lame-ry and wanton bullsh**ting in the face of opportunity. The moment is gone. There is no recovery. The league shakes it's collective head in disgust, and awards you no points. 

Boo this man. 

You know who is GOOD? Caitlyn for Buffalo Solar Solutions. She's an under-the-radar star. Game recognize game, and you lookin' REAL FAMILIAR, Caitlyn...

And shout out to BSS for winning their doubleheader this week. They deserve recognition - they not only won 2 games, but one was against the juggernaut known as Matty's Angels! Lie and say you saw that upset coming. Go 'head. 

Oh, I want to send a huge eff you to anyone who wants to cry about the divisions this season. First off, go eff yourself if you're on any team that has ever whined about moving up a division. Secondly, I know how hard Topper and I work at keeping things even; y'all don't want to give us credit for the tighter divisions but want us to take the blame for D4 & D5 being top heavy. Yeah, eff you. We don't know who is going to have attendance issues, who is going to have players regress or improve, etc. We look at a lot of things and try to put the best stuff out there. And often times, we have to revise the divisions because a lot of you are scared to compete and take your lumps. And if you want me to name your team as one of those teams, please come complain to me at the fields. I'll happily remind you if you're team is one of the teams that cried about alignment. Here's a hint - it likely was...

Next season, D1 will have at least 8 teams. Ideally, I'd like most divisions to have 8 teams. This means that some teams will lose. In the old days, we'd take a season of losing to learn how to be better, come back the next season, and be a much improved team. Most of y'all don't want to do that. I know - I've already ranted about this earlier in the season. I'm ranting about it again, since some y'all chose to whine about it again. Step up and stop being feather-soft. 

Make sure you check out Tito's With Travis on our Facebook page every week. Well over 300 of you caught the premiere episode (uh, I'm not joking - I can see the analytics on the page for the posts). Hopefully, Travis will do it week in and week out - if he can actually stop being socially awkward and go grab his guest(s). Shout out to Katie Keller for doing his dirty work for the next episode - and shout out to the ladies of Vaspian for being such good sports. 

I find it really funny when people ask me how you get better players for their team to improve, while 5 feet over someone is literally poaching players from another team for next season. POACH. This is a poacher's league, and it's a poacher's market. always has been. Almost no team exists that hasn't poached SOMEONE from another squad. 

My personal all-poach fantasy TSL team (current players only)?

QB - Chris Cole
WR/DB - Paul Johnson
WR/DB - Pete Nguyen
WR/DB - Andy Smith
WR/DB - Margo Jablonski
WR/DB - Kat Peters
WR/DB - Jon McGrath
WR/DB - Jeremy Burr
WR/DB - Travis Cleavanger
WR/DB - Emily Peters
WR/DB - Katie Swanson
Emergency QB - B

Why this lineup, you ask? Well, first off - I didn't choose anyone currently on my team's roster cuz it's a POACHER roster - meaning I'd steal all of these players to form a new team. All of the guys I shouldn't have to explain except for B - why B? Cuz no top QB would be a backup, so I had to get a guy who isn't currently one of the top QBs but who could come in and sling if needed. That's B - he's won championships. I know a lot of you haven't seen him throw, but I'll take him as an emergency QB if Cole had to miss a game during the regular season. As for the ladies - Margo I shouldn't have to explain, I could never break up the Peters twins (and wouldn't want to), and I'll sing the praises of Katie Swanson all day every day if you give me a chance. 

Shout out to my many Jeremy Burr - you'll be back in no time, my friend. Much love to you, Amie and Baby Burr!

Shout out to Cory Turner for having rhythm and knowing how to actually line dance. Hold classes, Cory - hold classes. 

Shout out to Lindsay Stoddard for being a sweetheart. 

Topper will be back this Saturday. I'm hoping he'll also have DJ Jimmy here, as I missed him sorely this week. Although the music you guys played actually wasn't TOO bad for a change. 

If you had to start a team around a Kleckler, which one  would you build around? I'm going with Bro. They're both obviously good, but Bro - Bro has been playing lights out of late...

That's enough from me for this week. Holla at me - I'll be in the cut. 




Category: The Rant
Created: Tuesday, 10 September 2019 12:38
Published: Tuesday, 10 September 2019 12:38
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 3147



Week 3 was a good week overall in my opinion. The weather continues to be what I call "Fall perfect" (not too cold, not too hot). People are having fun. New teams are making their mark, and new stars are being born. And there's not one, but TWO league podcasts. If that last thing isn't the most Lenny thing one could conceive, I don't know what is. 

Let's just ponder this for a moment -
Joe K revives the dormant "official" TSL podcast. And then DJ Jimmy and Joey Batts go COMPLETELY WCW Nitro and steal his thunder with a bombastic, over-the-top rogue podcast that honestly had me smiling throughout. I encourage this MIGHTILY. Cuz no matter what each side might say about the other, the people who win are the people in the TSL. Plus, not gonna lie - I liked when WCW was going nuts and forcing WWE to step their game up. Same here. I was given the opportunity to appear on Nitro (that's what I'm gonna officially call the other podcast henceforth), but I turned it down for reasons I won't get into in this Rant (we're all about fun, so no one wants me to get too deep or "meta" here). But man, I hope both podcasts continue churning out product. 

STAR ALERT...STAR ALERT...so I'm checking out the noon games, and I see this yellow team pouncing all over Uncle Rico's. I take a good look, and I realize that outside of 2 people - the team has an average height of like 5 ft. 4. but these little rapscallions are FAST! They're all over the place! Plus, there's like 3 of them that look like cool 80s jocks. I'm DIGGIN' these cats. Then the cherry on top - they tell me that 3 of them are BROTHERS. Mountain Dew Me - welcome to the TSL spotlight. It's your time to shine - take the bull by the horns. What you guys do with the attention is on you now, but don't go quiet. Now's the time to TURN IT THE F**K UP. 

Speaking of turning it up -what's good with the Over Compensators? Look man - I don't do the QB Rankings thing, and I don't know the formula for how it works. But I DO know that ever since Larry took the reins at QB, Over Compensators is a different team and they are handling fools. That's some MVP-type ish right there, and I might know te guy who will handle those types of votes this session. Well done, y'all. 

I need more villains in this league. Surely, Jeremy Burr can't carry this load all by himself. Sure, Eyes Downtown is an easy assumption for that role, but outside of that one person (you know who she is), they're really NOT bad guys. I seriously like 'em. Burr's the only one who goes full Lex Luthor with it. Bring back Varsity Villains, I say. I need more fun villainy in our league. Who can step up?

Some people want to TRY to make my man Matty Ice a villain, cuz he talks smack. but the truth is, most of you folks who get upset at the smack talkers are just lames who don't know how to uphold good trash talk yourselves. so you get in your feelings when the Burrs, and Mattys, and Joey Batts of the world talk that talk to y'all. Oh well. Try as you might, Matty's just not a villain. It's funny, too - cuz he could be if he wanted to. He knows more about comic villainy than anyone in the league...

Speaking of which - we're undefeated on A&A. and we're having a ton of fun. We're also dropping like flies due to injuries. We may not have enough healthy bodies to finish the session if things keep up. But I know one thing - we're gonna be having fun! We've got a big doubleheader this week, too. Who will be there healthy? Your guess is as good as mine! Lolz! 

Speaking seriously for a moment - hoping Sal from We Back feels better. Guy made an incredible catch, but injured himself on the fall. Sal's a cool guy - hate to see him get injured. 

I don't want to jump on the bandwagon, but every time I see Pete doing Pete things, I just say to myself "Topper shouldn't be in D2"...

This is how it works - The Peters are my favorite on-the-field twins. The Clarkes are the toughest twins. And The Paganos are the twins I love the most. Got it? Good. 

Refs were good this week. Players were good towards the refs for the most part. See? You guys CAN get along. Now keep it up. And understand I'm cutting the horsecrap no matter WHO it comes from. 

So...pretty much all of D1 is sick of playing each other. Cool - I get that. But you guys don't get to cry like little b***hes and ignore reality. Last session, Topper and I combined divisions and made a super division. Y'all cried about that. Then y'all cried when we said the winner of each division would play the other winner for a super title. So Topper changed that to appease you babies. You cried when y'all played each other, and refused to do anything but pine for the old divisional arrangements. Welp - y'all got it. So now that you're crying - don't expect much sympathy from ME. 

Yes, I agree D1 needs to be bigger. Yes, I even agree with which teams should currently also be in D1. But y'all did this. I had a plan to make things competitive, and y'all cried - every single one of y'all cried. And now you get what you get. TOMA. Next session, we will likely try to expand D1. And you will cry. Because that's what y'all are good at. Y'all don't want to compete, you want to whine. And I'm calling it like it is. And the teams that we try to move up will whine, and try to duck, and threaten to not play cuz "D1 is so rough" (meanwhile, D1 has been more tame than other divisions for a full 2 sessions now). And no one will be satisfied. No matter what we do. But I'll say THIS - I already know how I'd align the divisions if every team came back. Has nothing to do with wins and everything to do with knowing who can do what and who can compete. None of y'all want to take your lumps and get better against top competition. Which is why you have grossly over-matched teams in lower divisions pounding on their foes. Remember when people were crying that we moved Peachy Platoon up? Now those same people are like "Hey, they could play D1." No sh**, Sherlock. But "how dare" we move them to D2, right? STFU. 

Oh - and stop scanning the rulebook for flaws. Some of y'all need a life. I love our league, but the calls to make our 13 page rulebook longer give me and Topper migraines. Y'all are not that stupid to need everything defined to the tiniest detail. Good f**king grief. 

There are some women with some really awesome physiques this session. And I'm not saying that in the "va-va-VOOM!" sense - I mean they look like they could demolish you in the gym. Damn. 

So DILFs played my homies Peachy pretty tight, huh? Peachy is good, but they're still learning. The old guys held in there with the young guns. Nice. And word to the wise - I know no one likes to give him his props. But Travis will go out there and ball and talk smack just like you will. Test him if you want - I always say he ain't GOT to look like the best athlete on the field. All he's gotta do is perform like it...

I love that folks are watching the ladies teams demolish opponents and saying "I should get a ladies team!" like simply making one guarantees you'll win. Go ahead - make one yourselves, guys. I can't wait to see your squad get blasted. All the ladies teams you see this session took time to develop their rhythm, chemistry and system. But don't listen to me - go ahead. Show me I don't know what I'm talking about (hint: I DO)...

Challenge - I'll give you one guess and one guess only. This Saturday, if you come up to me and can tell me who my favorite guy and favorite woman currently active in the league are - I'll buy you drinks all day. That's right - drinks on me. But you only get ONE guess, with zero hints. Clearly, I wouldn't be putting this bet out if I thought there ws any of you who could nail it. you might nail one of the two, but you'll never get both...

Shout out to Nicole Keller and Dave Wilbern for being the only people Saturday night who could actually line dance. Holy Rhythmless Nation, Batman...

Hey - guys. Stop asking me about what teams will win NFL matchups, who will get what fantasy stats, etc. I don't watch the NFL. It's going on 4 years now. I don't even know who the top players are at the positions any longer. Stop bringing it up to me. I don't know, and don't care. My Sundays are awesome not watching it. I know most of y'all can't conceive it - but I. Don't. Watch. The. N.F.L.

I miss Shari. See y'all Saturday - I'll be in the cut. 



twitter share
© 2022 Topper Sports
Joomla Templates by JoomZilla.com
Back to Top