Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’re off and running towards immortality! The TSL Fall 2025 season officially began last weekend on fields that can only be described as the way Topper likes it: dry and hard. We’ve already seen quite a few surprises, but I want to be very clear: the results of Week 1 RARELY follow suit by the time Championship Saturday rolls around. 

 

While the elements last week certainly played a small part (The “Scorched Earth” weather was quite the contrast from our average Spring 2025 Saturday), let me remind all of you (or allow me to give the newbies some knowledge) that we have very good teams that still had to shake the rust off, or were missing some players (because it’s early August and people still have summer vacations and/or weddings to attend), or they were assimilating brand new players to an existing squad, or they were brand new to begin with! 

 

It all adds up to the same result it does every season: You are NOT as good or as bad as you looked last week. So whether you were singing in the shower and feeling yourself Sunday morning or telling yourself “Man, this is how Show Me Your TDs must’ve felt.”, chances are you need to dial it in a little bit. Don’t get me wrong. SOME of the results from Week 1 will hold serve throughout the season and stay accurate. The question, as always, are which ones? Let’s dive in to the current trends: 

 

GOOD NOT BAD

 

 

• Sticky Bandits shake off a rough Spring, win 52-8

• Malones and CTT start on their probably championship collision course, win easily

• ILF on top of D3, D-Generation X, Y, and Z already off to a better start than last season

• Two Tuddies make roster moves, find themselves planted at the top of D4 already

• Puckett adds the “All-Stars” back to name, dunks on Mike’s Detailing

• Bridget already a Top 10 QB in the league, despite what half assed Power Rankings article says.

• Balls Deep wins first D5 game

• TMA whoops that ass, picks up where they left off

• Intentional Clowning doesn’t change name, but changes on field results going 2-0

• Flying Balls put up 54 points in debut, make Blue Ballers yesterday’s news

• The Chargers put up 49 points in impressive debut

 

 

NOT GOOD NOT BAD

 

 

• Sticky Laces remember how to win football games, promptly lose an hour later

• Jabronies get smacked, then put Scared Hitless in their place yet again

• Puck Bunnies lose by 7, get a pass because they’re already league darlings

 

 

BAD NOT GOOD

 

 

• Mavericks, Freeballers, Unit Ha Ha help D1 have eight teams, proceed to go 0-3, losing by an average score of 51-12

• Bullet Club and Practice Squad get hyped as preseason championship contenders, get smoked by opponents. 

• Cobblestone fields full roster from 2011, gets beaten like Spring 2025

• Blue Ballers get beaten by this year’s version of the Blue Ballers

• Three Tuddies proven to be not as good at football as Two Tuddies.

• Four Tuddies proven to be not as good at football as Three Tuddies, league wonders if this was the right team to “franchise” out.

• Raw Milkers en route to proving last season was a fluke, start off 0-2 as the first ever “12th Place Team” in TSL history

• Breakfast Club missed by all, Mimosa sales down 450% at the bar

 

But of course, these are just the opening week trends and come October, most of these won’t end up as your team’s narrative. Will your team be the one that keeps the train chugging along? Will your team be the one that changes the “not so great” trend it started off with? Only time will tell. 

 

D1

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Sticky Bandits 52, Mavericks 8

Legends 52, Unit Ha Ha 14

Eyes Downtown 49, Freeballers 14

What A Dump 28, Frodo Swaggins 27

 

Not exactly encouraging results for the new teams in the division, as the favorites all win big to get things rolling. In other news, What A Dump and Frodo played one of the best games of Week 1, with WAD earning a 1 point win. 

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

EYES DOWNTOWN VS STICKY BANDITS (+7) - Sticky Nation had just about everything go right for them last weekend, while Eyes Downtown just played a normal ED game. The Bandits can very easily prove that they’re back with a victory here, but until they do that, ED will still feel like they’re on a slightly higher level. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6

 

MAVERICKS VS UNIT HA HA (+2) - The Mavs find themselves as favorites in a game a week after getting a “warm welcome” to D1, mainly because HAHA got the same treatment. I don’t know much about the Big Units just yet, other than they have former kind of good D1 QB Matt Glowacki and they trot out one of the top females in the league in Amber. The Mavs have played together longer and that should give them the edge after they shake last week off. MAVERICKS BY 8

 

WHAT A DUMP VS FRODO SWAGGINS (EVEN) - There’s nothing quite like a rematch the week after a hard fought game, and that’s what we have here as WAD and Frodo run it back. It’s hard to beat a team multiple times in a season, so Frodo gets their win back I think. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

 

LEGENDS vs WHAT A DUMP (+8) - WAD still hasn’t done anything in the league that suggests they should be candidates to dethrone the Legends, right? I’m not saying it isn’t possible for them to pull this off, but they’re still fine tuning things while the Legends routinely win these games on autopilot. LEGENDS BY 14

D2

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Can’t Touch This 40, Grey Hair - Don’t Care 29

The Malones 38, Jabronies 12

Jabronies 38, Scared Hitless 23

New season, same results for D2. CTT and The Malones win rather easily while the Jabronies continue to own Scared Hitless. Grey Hair did put up a fight against CTT, that shouldn’t go unnoticed. GHDC thrives in this underdog role, so be ready for them to pull an upset or two this year. 

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

CAN’T TOUCH THIS VS THE MALONES (EVEN) - Ladies and Gents, here is your main event of the afternoon! These two teams have already given us some good moments and intense games, and I can’t imagine that this will be any different. Both teams are hungry for the D2 title, and the path to Immortality is through each other. CTT has bested The Malones more recently, but I think maybe this time The Malones get one back. THE MALONES BY 2

 

PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED* VS JABRONIES (EVEN) - This isn’t your father’s PWI. The lovable roster that worked their way up the divisions over the last few years finds themselves missing a lot of the familiar faces that got them to D2 in the first place, as the pressures to produce in the higher divisions caused PWI to add a bunch of players from LGR as there was a roster merge in the offseason. They kept the PWI name because “Let’s Pass Out While Getting Reccked While Intoxicated” was too long of a team name, thank goodness. It’ll be interesting to see how this version of PWI stacks up, but I think it’ll take them a week or two to get acclimated to each other. Meanwhile, the Jabronies already have two games under their belts, giving them the advantage. JABRONIES BY 10

 

PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED* VS SCARED HITLESS (+3)  If the Jabronies are even, Scared Hitless has to be slightly the underdog, as the Jabronies own them. Whatever kinks LPOWGRWI had to work out in the last game are more than likely worked out, and they’ll be arguably better in this game despite the doubleheader. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED* BY 8

 

GREY HAIR DON’T CARE VS SCARED HITLESS (EVEN) - I do think we’re in for a treat with this game though. Two evenly matched teams that kind of know each other pretty well? That’s usually a recipe for fun. I was strongly considering GHDC for this one, but there’s simply no way that SH goes 0-3 to start the year, right? RIGHT? SCARED HITLESS BY 9

D3

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Buffalo Vice 34, Bullet Club 14

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 36, GirthQuakes 13

D-Generation X, Y, and Z 33, Practice Squad 16

 

A very un-D3 like slate of D3 games last week, as none of the games were particularly close at all. Buffalo Vice had a field day against Bullet Club, walking to an easy victory, ILF took the perfect “first D3 opponent” behind the woodshed, and Team Keller had little to no trouble with the Squad. Of all of the things that won’t “Stay the same” during the season, D3 having all non-close games is at the top of the list. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

BULLET CLUB VS GIRTHQUAKES (+8) - Bullet Club found themselves on the receiving end of a defensive clinic last week, throwing four interceptions and forcing none of their own against Buffalo Vice, uncharacteristic of the team that made their run to the finals last Spring. The Girthquakes got beat up on by the D4 champs, who trotted out their backup QB as well. The GQs are a good squad, even if the results don’t show it. Playing QB is hard, and for Matt Kieta to attempt to learn the position while playing in D3/D4 is actually impressive. However, he’s still prone to mistakes because of it. I bet the GQs win 3 games this season. This won’t be one of them. BULLET CLUB BY 10

 

WANDERERS VS INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS (+13) - Well ILF, last week was fun. This week is going to be the opposite. Arguably going from their easiest game to the most difficult game on the schedule, ILF gets the Wanderers in their first action of the season. We haven’t seen the Wanderers since their overtime playoff loss to Bullet Club, coming up empty yet again for the championship. They’ve got to have a chip on their shoulder. Despite their 47 minor league championships, they’ve yet to claim Social Co-Ed Immortality, even with being on the cusp of it multiple times. This year might be the year, right? Either way, it sucks to be ILF, because the Wanderers are going to be focused as hell in this one. WANDERERS BY 12

 

BUFFALO VICE VS PRACTICE SQUAD (EVEN) - Despite the results of last week, this is a marquee matchup between two really good, and evenly matched, teams. The Squad had a hiccup a week ago, and when that happens, they tend to come back stronger than ever the next week. Vice played a near perfect game last weekend, so you have to expect some regression to the mean. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 2

 

CUNNING STUNTS VS D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z (+3) - The Stunts make their return to the TSL after taking Week 1 off, looking to get started on the right foot. The roster is a little different but remains largely the same, which means DXYZ will have their hands full. However, it looks as though whatever ailed the Kellers last season has been fixed, and a win here would solidify last season was a fluke. D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z BY 3

 

D4

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Puckett All-Stars 36, Mike’s Detailing 21

Ready To Retire 36, Come From Behind 20

Two Tuddies 46, Cobblestone 14

Puckett gets off to a good start this season, knocking off Mike’s Detailing rather easily. Ready To Retire looks like there’s still a little magic left in those old knees, putting up 36 points against CFB. Lastly in D4, the Two Tuddies announced their arrival in the division by smacking around Cobblestone, much to everyone’s chagrin. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

POWERPUFF GIRLS VS READY TO RETIRE (+7) - Mommy’s home. The PPGs are the defending D5 champs, and they’re ready to add “D4 champs” to their resumes as well. They were too good for their division last year, and there’s already some rumblings that that may be the case for D4 as well. Until I see someone stop them, I’ll have to agree. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 16

 

POWERPUFF GIRLS VS COBBLESTONE (+14) - Cobblestone and Darryl Carr QB Superstar got the band back together, and that’s going to be a lovely story once they get on the same page. Last week wasn’t exactly that, and now they get their toughest game of the season already as they try to get on the same page. In a perfect world where Lenny would script the games, Cobblestone goes down early, only to mount a comeback and win on the last play. Sadly, this world isn’t perfect. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 12

 

TWO TUDDIES VS MIKE’S DETAILING (+3) - It’s hard not to favor the New Look Tud Buds (okay, they didn’t go full PWI, but they did make a couple of changes) after an impressive D4 debut, coupled with MD’s less than stellar opening game. Even if MD plays better, and they will, I’m not sure there’s a more dialed in team than the Two Tuddies right now. TWO TUDDIES BY 1

 

COME FROM BEHIND VS COBBLESTONE (+6) - Do NOT adjust your TV sets. This is NOT 2017. Two of the TSL’s oldest (literally and figuratively) franchises meet up for a rendezvous to see who won’t start out the season 0-2. This feels like we’re headed for an old school shootout, and I’m excited to see who wins. COME FROM BEHIND BY 2

D5

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Balls Deep 45, Blitzkrieg 37

Sausage McMuffins 26, Mo’ Chicken 14

Not So Sticky 21, Pit Harade 10

Bridget & Quit It 32, Stir The Sauce 20

D5 seemed like such an unknown heading into the season, but after one week, it looks like we may have a close knit division on our hands. Granted, you can’t trust Week 1, but there’s reason to believe it as 5 of these teams have played many close games over the years coming up from D6, Stir The Sauce has been around for a while now, Mo Chicken is improving, and Bridget (according to eyewitnesses) can SLING IT. Where oh where is Kelly Kane and GUCCI when you need them? Anyway, Balls Deep took out Fall Blitzkrieg in a hell of a battle, while the McMuffins calmly won over MO. NSS took a victory over a newer look Pit Harade, and Bridget made Wrestler Dan tap out, beating STS. 

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

STIR THE SAUCE VS PIT HARADE (+6) - These two teams didn’t have the best of seasons in the spring, nor did they win in Week 1. Both TSL franchises have had some significant roster turnover as of late, and while there are still some familiar TSL celebrities involved (Wrestler Dan, Joe K, The Most Honorable Prophet Dave Walter, etc.) there’s a lot of newer people to the league as well. Both teams are looking to get on track, only one can. STIR THE SAUCE BY 3

 

BALLS DEEP VS SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS (EVEN) - Another rivalry renewed. Balls Deep gets to play Sausage McMuffins after a season off, but this isn’t the same Balls Deep that SMM left behind. They exude confidence, and have had all of their ladies take a massive step forward on both sides of the ball. SMM are no slouches by any means, but the general feeling around the league is that Balls Deep has surpassed them in terms of talent. This should be interesting. BALLS DEEP BY 8

 

SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS VS MO’ CHICKEN (+10) - On the other hand for the McMuffins, they still have a talented team that knows how to play the game, which gives them a distinct advantage over Mo’ Chicken, who is dealing with a little bit of roster turnover alongside learning how to play the TSL game. Once it clicks for them, look out. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 16

 

BRIDGET & QUIT IT VS MO’ CHICKEN (+8) - QB Bridget wants to be great, by all reports. That’s all I need to know after hearing about her arm cannon as she diced up Stir The Sauce last week. MO will need a serious gameplan if they want to stop BQUIT, and nothing they’ve done YET has suggested that they can do that. Remember, it takes time. BRIDGET & QUIT IT BY 16

 

D6

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Flying Balls 54, Blue Ballers 44

Sticky Laces 28, Puck Bunnies 21

Intentional Clowning 34, Three Tuddies 15

Intentional Clowning 30, Sticky Laces 28

The Chargers 49, Raw Milkers 35

TMA 39, Four Tuddies 6

Select 28, Raw Milkers 14

 

Welcome to the league Flying Balls! The FBs put up 54 on the Blue Ballers, who put up 44 of their own, and announced themselves to the rest of the division. This 12 team division is going to be wild. Sticky Laces got off to a much better start this season than last, putting the Puck Bunnies down quietly, before losing a close one to Intentional Clowning. IC went 2-0 on the day after also beating up on the Three Tuddies, not to be confused with the Four Tuddies, who got a mudhole stomped in them by TMA. But wait, there’s more. The Chargers (not exactly the model NFL franchise to base yourself off of, by the way) put up 49 points en route to a Week 1 victory over the Raw Milkers, who let me down twice after losing again later on, this time to Select. All of this fun in D6, and that’s without the Irish Giants, who SHOULD be one of the better teams in the division, yet to play a game. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

THE CHARGERS VS INTENTIONAL CLOWNING (EVEN) - An early season big time game? Sure is. The Clowns brushed off whatever last season was (it felt uncharacteristic of them) and reestablished themselves as contenders while The Chargers just simply established themselves as contenders as well. At this point though, all teams not named “Tuddies” look to be contenders in D6 it seems. I’d love to know more about both of these teams (email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. please!) so I can give proper shoutouts to them. This one should be fun, let's go with the new guys. THE CHARGERS BY 4

 

SELECT VS PUCK BUNNIES (+8) - The Puck Bunnies had a solid start as our all women’s team may have lost, but they’re winning over the hearts of the league. They’re having fun and they’re only going to get better as the season goes on. Select started out the season on the right side of the scoreboard, beating up on the Raw Milkers. The key to beating a gender team (the PBs still qualify as that even without any jerk boys playing) is to match them with 8 point TDs of your own, but Select has enough TSL Vets on the roster that they’ll know how to not only defend against the PBs but they’ll be able to exploit the PB Defense as there are girls learning how to play positions they’re not used to. SELECT BY 8

 

RAW MILKERS VS FOUR TUDDIES (+7) - Whatever the Raw Milkers did last week, they need to just move on from it. They’ve shown they’re a much better team than that, and now they get a brand new-ish Four Tuddies team that struggled hard a week ago. It could be the perfect fix for what ails them. RAW MILKERS BY 8

 

BLUE BALLERS VS RAW MILKERS (+10) - The Blue Ballers got kind of surprised by the Flying Balls last weekend, but they still put up 44 points, which was more than any other team except The Chargers. I’m not sure if the BBs took the brand new opponent lightly or whatever happened, but I feel like it was a learning experience for them and you’ll see them a bit more dialed in this week. The Milkers should beat the Four Tuds earlier on, but 1-3 after two weeks looks like their reality. BLUE BALLERS BY 18

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• WILL THE NEW LOOK PWI* ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO COMPETE WITH CTT AND THE MALONES? In a word, yes. The players they added from LGR aren’t just geeks off the street, they know how to play the game. Plus have we learned yet to never count out a Buddy Lee quarterbacked team? 

 

 

 

• IS D1 GOING TO STAY TOP HEAVY AND JUST CRUSH THE LOWER TEAMS EVERY WEEK? In a word, no. There’s veteran talent all over the place on the Mavs, HaHa, and even the Freeballers. My concern for the Freeballers is that they don’t have a D1 QB yet again after Jordan had to leave to lead the Mavs. With him under center last season, the Freeballers might’ve lost a lot of games, but they were in most of the games, and of course had a good playoffs with the upset over Frodo. Now they lose that, but that’s also why I think the Mavs will be just fine. The back to back D2 champs didn’t have a great Week 1, but if Jordan played that well last season with the Freeballers, a team he had to get used to, imagine how he should do with the Mavs, a team he knows inside and out. The Mavs overall are arguably more talented top to bottom than the Freeballers as well, so expect them to right the ship a bit. Unit Ha Ha has the talent, just look at the roster. It’s only a matter of time before they figure it all out. 

 

 

 

• WHAT RESULT FROM WEEK 1 DO YOU THINK IS MOST LIKELY TO BE A THEME FOR THE ENTIRE SEASON? D-Generation X, Y, and Z will remain a D3 title contender and stay near the top of the division all year. And for one “bad’ one, I’m SURE the mimosa sales at the bar will increase back up to normal levels, Breakfast Club or not. 

 

 

 

• RIGHT NOW WE HAVE THREE CHAMPIONS SITTING AT THE TOP OF THEIR NEW DIVISIONS IN ILF, TWO TUDDIES, AND BALLS DEEP. HOW WOULD YOU RANK THEM RIGHT NOW FROM MOST TO LEAST LIKELY TO STAY THERE? Good one. I think that Balls Deep has the best chance to stay atop the D5 standings for the entire season. They’re just playing so well. The Two Tuddies aren’t far behind, as they’re so locked in, but they have their bugaboos coming for them in the PowerPuff Girls. ILF comes in last for this exercise, but that’s mostly because they’re in the division that’s the definition of “Any Given Saturday”, and the range of their final record is much greater. You could tell me they went 8-0 and I wouldn’t be completely surprised, and you could tell me they ended up 1-7 and I wouldn’t be surprised either. I think we’ll see them at 3-5 when it’s all said and done, but then they’ll win a playoff game. 

 

 

 

• EVEN THOUGH IT’S EARLY, DOES ANYONE ‘NEED’ A WIN THIS WEEK? If you ignore the fact that all of the teams make the playoffs, so nobody ever “needs” a win technically, just for vibes for the rest of the season, I’d say the Raw Milkers need a win more than anyone this week. If they lose both games this week, and start out 0-4 (which they might have done last season?), that’s just a rough record to try to overcome in the 12 team division, and they more than likely won’t earn one of the four byes in D6. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• I’m in town for a wedding this weekend, and I expected the worst in terms of heat after the reports I got from my spies last week. But the weather has been very cool the last couple of days, especially in the morning, and it feels a lot like, well, football weather. This Saturday looks to be a solid 80 degrees, which is usually perfect weather. 

 

 

 

• And yes, there’s a chance I’ll be making my appearance at the fields, especially if I can get Topper to come. No, you won’t know who I am, but it’s always fun to watch people guess and to overhear the conversations about it at the bar/on the fields. 

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Sticky Bandits vs Eyes Downtown

• 11:00 - The Malones vs Can’t Touch This

• 12:00 - Jabronies vs PWI*

• 1:00 - Frodo Swaggins vs What A Dump, Part 2

• 2:00 - Come From Behind vs Cobblestone (The Corona Bowl)

 

 

 

• It’s kind of neat that despite having multiple divisions of different sizes, every single division has exactly 4 games this week. 

 

 

 

• I was glad to see the TSL podcast was back for another season, if you want to listen it’s on Spotify or on the website at the bottom. I didn’t get to hear all of it, but there’s always some good banter about the league on there. 

 

 

 

• Please continue to respect the refs, and clean up your garbage on the fields. It’s just the right thing to do. 

 

 

 

• I’m still pretty excited about the TSL’s newest teams: Flying Balls, Bridget & Quit It, and The Chargers all won their games last week, and they did so convincingly. I HOPE this narrative is one that sticks around all season. 

 

 

 

• I heard that a couple of teams bailed on the TSL during the week before Week 1. There’s some crappy things to do to people in this league but to make others think they have a team to play on and then pull the rug out from under them at the last minute like that is some next level lame. Be better. 

 

 

 

• Can someone ask B’s Brother for his predictions on who will win the championships this season and email them to me? Thank you. 

 

 

 

• I keep hearing there’s a good chunk of people in the league that don’t know about the Facebook, or the website, or the podcast, or the articles, etc. These things tend to make our league stand out from the lesser leagues, so be a good leaguemate and let everyone know! 

 

 

-GF OUT