WEEK 6 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 26 May 2023 12:31

Published: Friday, 26 May 2023 12:31

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 11

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’re somehow just a few days away from June football. That’s right, after this weekend, we’re at one more month of TSL football. We’re in the stretch run, a time where teams that haven’t figured it out just yet probably won’t, and those that have are looking to keep it together. Speaking of keeping it together, the TSL went through another medical emergency during play, and once again the league came together and helped save a life. The amazing work of those on hand will never go unnoticed, and I wanted to take a second to shout out Amanda Scholz and Ashley Bower for their selflessness during this event. I know for sure that there were more out there that helped during the situation, and I apologize for not having your names, but I can only go on what was told to me. 

 

The point is that everyone was amazing once again, and you all prevented a much bigger tragedy from occurring. Thank you. This league is chock full of amazing people that often go unnoticed or are underrated with their contributions. In fact, every single Division has a team that is going completely overlooked or ignored. So it got me thinking: Who are the most overlooked teams in each division? Well, I’ll tell you: 

In D1, the answer is easy. It’s Scared Hitless. The oddsmakers basically left them for dead (100-1 odds before last week), and for good reason. They weren’t scoring, and they sure weren’t stopping anyone. But as it's been said before, they had the HARDEST POSSIBLE SCHEDULE to start the season, and it's even more of a surprise they didn’t actually do worse. So how did they respond last week? They won, 26-23 against a 1-6 Grey Hair Don’t Care, and all of a sudden SH is 1-3 with games against Frodo, Eyes Downtown, Tight Ends, and Grey Hair one more time to go. Don’t be surprised to see them sitting at 4-4 going into the playoffs. 

 

In D2, well, it's hard to pick someone that hasn’t gotten a lot of credit, because quite frankly there’s only 5 teams here. I’ll go with Freeballers though. Most people were writing them off after Dylan went down with his season ending injury, but early reports (and a 27-23 close loss to NPI) show that maybe the new QB won’t be that bad at all. 

 

In D3, ironically, I wanted to say the team getting the most overlooked is actually the team sitting in first place. The Jabronies haven’t gotten the publicity of a Wanderers, Bullet Club, or even the just as hot Can’t Touch This. But they aren’t the answer. The real answer is the last place 0-4-1 Vaspian. I know what you’re thinking: How? Well, if we throw out the 37-12 loss to Bullet Club to start the year, here are the rest of Vaspian’s games: loss by 2 to Wanderers, loss by 5 to Can’t Touch This, loss by 1 to Jabronies, tie LGR 27-27. Yeah, they went 0-3-1 in those games, but with a point differential of -8. Vaspian could very easily be 4-1 and the talk of the league right now. Don’t sleep on them. 

 

In D4, Buffalo Vice finds themselves a little overlooked. When you’re in a division that has the juggernaut that is Puckett, the constant drama of THK, two iconic gender teams, a very good PWI team, Darryl Carr QB Superstar, and a team with Mullet Guy, it's understandable to be the forgotten team. A long time franchise that has their big armed QB back, and a plethora of talented females can do JUST fine in D4. I think they’re fine being under the radar though. 

 

In D5, the answer is very clearly the Long Balls. They’re sitting at 2-2-1, fourth in the division. They’re a bit newer to the league, and you really only know Buddy Lee on the roster. But they just tied the Tater Tots, and last week they beat TMA, so they’re on the rise. Long Balls, nobody knows who you are, so why don’t you introduce yourself to me? Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or something. Who ARE you? 

 

In D6, Balls Deep is just casually hanging out at 3-2. The former Punt Cakes added some Spinelli’s talent, and they’re the only team to beat super power Southside this season. They played the McMuffins VERY tight (a 12-6 loss), beat Pit Harade and the Mighty Drunks, and got blown out by the Tuddies as well. They’re having a pretty good season, and with a remaining schedule of Back That Pass Up, Grass Eaters, and Blitzkrieg on the way, they COULD end up 6-2, though 5-3 feels more likely. Even still they’re right in the thick of things. 

 

So there you have it, some of the most underrated teams in the TSL right now that come June could surprise a lot of teams. If you’re looking for teams to bet on to pull an upset or two in the playoffs, I think this is the list. It’s going to be very interesting to see what happens over the next 3 weeks. But let’s just focus on Week 6 for now. 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Legends 22, Losing Streak 19

Scared Hitless 26, Grey Hair Don’t Care 23

Eyes Downtown 19, Tight Ends In Motion 8

Losing Streak 37, Grey Hair Don’t Care 16

 

The Legends sneak by Losing Streak, who would go on to dismantle Grey Hair Don’t Care later on. Scared Hitless gets in the win column with their own victory over GHDC as well. Eyes Downtown wins a dogfight against TEIM as well. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits vs Tight Ends In Motion (+10) - I remember when this used to be a marquee rivalry matchup. However these two teams find themselves in different stages of the franchise right now, with Sticky the one as a top contender for the title, and TEIM on the outside looking in. TEIM keeps it within a score. STICKY BANDITS BY 6

 

Sticky Bandits vs Frodo Swaggins (+13) - Frodo finds themselves at the bottom of the standings after the Scared Hitless win last week. A game against Sticky Bandits isn’t exactly what the doctor ordered for this team that’s still figuring it out. STICKY BANDITS BY 20

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Scared Hitless (EVEN) - Here’s a fun matchup! Scared Hitless, finally getting a win last week, against a Frodo team that’s in a similar spot to them. I know, they’re both 1-3 right now (with Frodo probably 1-4 going into this one), so it doesn’t LOOK exciting on paper, but they’re both going to be playing for some respect. Scared Hitless has been here before. They’ll get it done. SCARED HITLESS BY 9

 

Legends vs Eyes Downtown (+7) - The Legends are still playing really good football, and now that they’re clicking, they’re going to be hard to shut up on the field AND off the field yet again. Eyes Downtown continues to lurk behind the division leaders, and a win here would vault them into the top tier of championship contenders. They can’t hang with this All-Star team though. LEGENDS BY 14

 

Eyes Downtown vs Scared Hitless (+10) - This is SH’s real winnable test, and I believe they’ll perform well. Just not well enough. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 8

D2: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

No Punt Intended 27, Freeballers 23

Mavericks 30, No Punt Intended 20

The Untouchaballs 35, Practice Squad 0

 

No Punt Intended fights off a very game Freeballers squad before losing their first game of the season against the Mavericks. The Untouchaballs absolutely demolished Practice Squad, in a game that had B contemplating retiring forever on the spot, or so I’ve been told. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

No Punt Intended vs The Untouchaballs (+3) - The Untouchaballs are the hotter team coming into this game after the stomping they put on PS last week. NPI finally lost a game, which is fine since they weren’t going undefeated anyway. These two played a fantastic Week 1 game where NPI won 32-31. This is the only D2 game being played this week, and it's easily the best game we could have from this Division. Get ready for another shootout. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 2

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Degeneration Sexy 23, Bullet Club 21

Can’t Touch This 49, Itches and Ohs 19

Jabronies 38, Wanderers 27

Let’s Get Reccked 27, Vaspian 27

Degeneration Sexy helps Bullet Club’s slide continue (0-3 after a 3-0 start) with their first win of the season. Can’t Touch This continues to be one of the TSL’s hottest teams, winning AGAIN, destroying the Moser-less Itches and Ohs by 30. The TSL's other hottest team, the Jabronies won their 4th straight, taking a victory over the Wanderers and claiming 1st in the division. Finally, Vaspian gets its first non-loss of the year in a 27-27 tie with Let’s Get Reccked. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Can’t Touch This vs Vaspian (+6) - Yes, CTT is the hottest team in the league right now. But heavy is the head that wears that title. I just spent a whole paragraph earlier talking about how sneaky good Vaspian has been, even though they don’t have the wins to show it. Right now, it feels like nothing can go wrong for CTT though, which for some reason makes me feel like they’re due. This is probably dumb, but it's hard to beat a team twice. VASPIAN BY 2

 

Let's Get Reccked vs Degeneration Sexy (+3) - D-Sex finally got in the win column last weekend, and they’re looking for more. LGR is all over the place as usual, tying Vaspian. Both teams are really figuring things out for themselves more and more each week, and for whatever reason I just feel that the Keller clan is about to get hot. DEGENERATION SEXY BY 7

 

Jabronies vs Itches and Ohs (+12) - This would’ve been a cooler matchup if everyone was going to be there, but instead the Jabronies get an easier game to hold onto the #1 seed in the division. I’m looking forward to when these two meet up in June. JABRONIES BY 10

 

D4: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice 44, Creekers 14

BAADies 41, Cobblestone 13

 

Just a couple of blowouts in D4 last weekend. Buffalo Vice continued making it a long season for the Creekers, and the BAADies easily handled Darryl’s team that was cobbled together last weekend. The marquee matchup of PWI - Puckett was, of course, canceled and will be played at a later date. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Buffalo Vice (+13) - The line isn’t really indicative of anything Buffalo Vice is doing, it's just more about how dominant Puckett has been. These two get to play each other twice in the last couple of weeks, so we’ll really see just how underrated Buffalo Vice might be. Puckett has looked awesome, averaging over FIFTY points per game. But, other than a thrashing of THK, they’ve beaten the “worst” teams in the division with monster wins over a BAADies team that was just learning to play together, the Stunts which only have 3 games this season, and the Creekers, who are “The Replacements” level of “in the wrong division”. PAS was actually losing to PWI before the game was called. Perhaps they’ve just had an easy schedule so far? This game will tell. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 6

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs Cobblestone (+10) - I don’t envy PWI. I’m sure it’s going to be some level of difficult to play in this one after last week. But the one thing this team has shown since they started here has been perseverance. They’ve played in a lot of games where they were thought to be a huge underdog and won, they had a title perhaps stolen from them with an eye injury, they came back and won it the next season. They’re performing in D4. If there’s any group that can bounce back quickly, it's them. They get first ballot Hall of Famer Darryl Carr QB Superstar though, so they better be as focused as possible. Last week was an aberration for Darryl, and Cobblestone should be much better this week. I don’t think it’ll matter. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 12

 

Cunning Stunts vs Creekers (+10) - The Creekers’ -111 point differential is easily the worst in the league, and things aren’t going to get easier playing the Stunts. Or will it? The Stunts have only played THREE games together this season, and they were uncharacteristically beaten soundly by Buffalo Vice and Puckett. They handled business against Cobblestone, but they don’t feel very “Stunty” right now. This is a hell of a “get right” game for the ladies. CUNNING STUNTS BY 20

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs BAADies (+8) - THK is sitting in 2nd place, a marked improvement from last season. They’re 3-1, and other than a bad loss against PAS, Langley’s gang has done everything right this season. Now THK gets a BAADies team that’s finally rolling, in the first part of a THK vs the gender teams double header. The BAADies can score, but they also have to figure out a defensive plan for “Langley throws it deep to Pistol Pete”. I think they’ll make enough stops to do it. BAADIES BY 8

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Cunning Stunts (+10) - …but I don’t think that the Stunts will be able to do the same. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 17

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Tater Tots 20, Not So Sticky 13

Long Balls 18, TMA 15

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 43, Goatsack! 23

GUCCI 35, Come From Behind 34

 

The Tater Tots take a win over Not So Sticky that gets them back on the winning track, Long Balls get a signature win over TMA, ILF really looks like they’re starting to figure things out offensively in a win over Goatsack!, and GUCCI nails down their claim to the D5 championship with a big win over Come From Behind. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tater Tots vs Goatsack! (+7) - The Tots season is finally looking to balance itself out and get on the right path as they’re 1-0-1 in the last couple games. It’s a start. They get a Goatsack team that is still finding their own way in the division. This feels like a team trending upwards vs one that’s just treading water right now. TATER TOTS BY 10

 

TMA vs Goatsack! (+3) - Maybe we should pump the brakes on TMA a little bit. After beating GUCCI in the rain, and demolishing the Tots, TMA has since been smacked around by ILF and lost to the Long Balls last week. They’ve only scored 22 points in those games, and the offense has looked rather lost. They’re ripe for an upset. GOATSACK! BY 6

 

Come From Behind vs TMA (+8) - And things don’t get any easier for TMA after that, as they get a CFB squad that’s coming off a loss to GUCCI. CFB still sports one of the top offenses in the division, but they also have a nice defense too. I don’t think TMA can keep pace with CFB. COME FROM BEHIND BY 14

 

GUCCI vs Not So Sticky (+10) - GUCCI has been playing some excellent football as of late, and they’re averaging just over 32 points per game so far. NSS hasn’t been great on offense at all this season, averaging just over 18 points per game this season. NSS seems to need a “Division 5.5” to compete the way they want to. Never scoring more than 23 points in a game this year is a problem. GUCCI BY 10

 

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons vs Long Balls (+7) - Well, here’s another test for the Long Balls. If they’re going to be taken seriously at all in this division, they need to start racking up a couple more signature wins. A win over the Falcons would do exactly that. ILF has been righting the ship after losses to NSS and CFB, and they’re looking more in sync than ever. This is going to be a good one. INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 7

D6: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg 27, Back That Pass Up 16

Two Tuddies 40, Grass Eaters 20

Sausage McMuffins 39, Pit Harade 18

Southside 27, Mighty Drunks 18

 

Nothing shocking happened in D6 last weekend. The teams you expected to win won. Blitzkrieg handled BTPU, the Tuddies beat up on the Grass Eaters, the McMuffins walked to 5-0 over Pit Harade, and Southside handled the Mighty Drunks. There’s a clear talent line in D6 between the contenders and the pretenders forming. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Southside vs Grass Eaters (+8) - It’s going to be hard to see how the Eaters stack up against Southside without their QB this week. Southside hasn’t looked as strong the last two weeks, losing to Balls Deep and then only beating the Mighty Drunks by 9. They’re going to look to get back on track this week. SOUTHSIDE BY 13

 

Balls Deep vs Back That Pass Up (+8) - If Balls Deep truly is going to be a contender this season, they’ll need to make sure they handle business against a not very good BTPU team. I want to think that Balls Deep can be a contender. They have the talent for sure. BTPU is the only team that hasn’t scored 100 points yet in the division. They also struggle on defense as well. Never a good combination. BALLS DEEP BY 14

 

Two Tuddies vs Blitzkrieg (+6) - Blitzkrieg just seems to be a bit off this season. Something isn’t clicking right, and their on field results show that as well. They’ve struggled with the contenders of the division so far this year, and it's not going to get easier with the Tuddies. Meanwhile, the Tud Buds have settled into contender status, as they’ve secured easy wins over Balls Deep, BTPU, and now the Grass Eaters. This game could represent a “changing of the guard” in D6. TWO TUDDIES BY 12

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Mighty Drunks (+16) - The Drunks have been playing teams tough, but not tough enough. They’re closing in on their first win, but it isn’t going to be this week. This is a classic trap game for the upstart McMuffins, who need to make sure they’re not caught looking ahead to next week’s double header against Southside and the Two Tuddies. The #1 seed matters in D6, as they’ll end up playing the 8-9 seed play in winner. Alex will keep his team focused. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 14

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• How will the Memorial Day weekend affect the games? Usually pretty substantially. A lot of teams will be shorthanded with players out of town or camping. That usually means it’ll be a wild week for games. 

 

 

 

• With all of the rain this season, can we trust what the current standings are right now? No, we can’t. But that’s not even because of the rain itself. Lots of teams end up missing players and not really finding their stride during the regular season, and then they get it together for the playoffs. It’s part of why it’s a wild ride every Playoff Saturday. 

 

 

 

• So, does the Regular Season even matter? Since all teams are making the playoffs this season, the regular season matters a little less for sure. But teams love winning their division and getting a game against the bottom seed. Or what about in D2, where winning the division gets you a bye to Championship Saturday? In D4, the #1 seed gets you the Creekers, which is basically a bye week. In D6, the #1 seed gets to play the winner of the two teams that are currently both 0-5. So, it matters a little bit for those looking to finish first in the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality. 

 

 

 

• Who needs a good week this weekend? The doubleheader teams. I think TMA needs to go 2-0 and get back on track or the season could spiral. The Cunning Stunts need to remind everyone who they are. Going 2-0 would do that. If Blitzkrieg wants to be taken seriously again in D6, they need to beat the Tuddies. 

 

 

 

• Who are we really forgetting about this season? Tight Ends In Motion. They can’t actually be THAT bad, right? They feel like a good team that’s just been caught by teams at the right times this year, and when they’re at full strength in the “games that matter”, they’ll be upsetting someone in the 4-5 playoff game en route to giving whoever wins the #1 seed fits on Championship Saturday. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• After suffering through another rainy week, this weekend looks PERFECT for football in Buffalo. Sunny and 76 degrees. 

 

 

 

• Top Games to watch this weekend: 

• 10:00 - No Punt Intended vs The Untouchaballs

• 11:00 - TMA vs Goatsack!

• 12:00 - Can’t Touch This vs Vaspian

• 1:00 - Blitzkrieg vs Two Tuddies

• 2:00 - BAADies vs Travis Henry’s Kids

• 3:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Jabronies

 

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions:

• Steph Infection 44, The ASS 37

• BDSM 38, Komosexuals 31

• Liddle Dubs 30, The VaJennas 17

 

 

 

• Speaking of Breakfast Club, did you know that playing in BC is the only way to get onto the sublist? So if you want to be on the sublist, sign up for Breakfast Club in the fall! 

 

 

 

• Shout out to long time TSL Legend Jim Hearn who has been reportedly always rocking at the bar this season and keeping the party going. 

 

 

 

• Every week on the TSL Podcast, the guest’s final thoughts usually center around people not picking up their garbage at the fields every week. Be better people. Pick up your trash. Thank you to everyone that takes a second to pick up the fields, even when it isn’t your mess. 

 

 

 

• Extra shout out to the referees this week. They stuck it out in awful conditions last weekend to make sure you guys could play your games. 

 

 

 

• With that said, stop screaming at the refs. I’ve gotten too many reports of teams or individuals getting a little too “mouthy” at the fields again. The referees are being instructed to kick people out of the games if they keep it up. Repeat offenders will be suspended. 

 

 

 

• Three teams that aren’t as good as they look right now: Puckett All-Stars, Sausage McMuffins, The Untouchaballs.

 

 

 

• Three teams that aren’t as bad as they’ve looked lately: Practice Squad, Bullet Club, Blitzkrieg. 

 

Happy Memorial Day weekend TSL! Go out and have yourselves a great Week 6. 

 

-GF OUT

WEEK 4 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 12 May 2023 13:48

Published: Friday, 12 May 2023 13:48

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 24

 

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, and welcome to Week 4. You read that right. The TSL is entering the midpoint of the season, and the action has been fast and furious. By all reports, last week was a truly fantastic Football Saturday as the weather was awesome, the bar was hopping, and the games were (mostly) pretty great. It was a mixture of everything that makes this league great: B’s Brother, nice weather, old friends hanging out, new friendships being made, lots of drinks at the bar being crushed, and of course some football being mixed in. Those are the days that I miss the most, as of course I now live in my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa and am unable to make it to the fields often. From the sounds of things, however, it seems as though things are running smoothly and the league is in a good place. 

 

So good of course, that we have some pretty nice storylines setting up for us as we enter the meat of the season. What are they? Well, I’m glad you asked! 

 

-Losing Streak has defeated Eyes Downtown to get to 3-0, and life doesn’t get any easier for them as they take on the also 3-0 Sticky Bandits in a matchup that could actually be considered a D1 championship preview. 

-Meanwhile, Scared Hitless has scored 24 points on the season, and someone really needs to tell them that tanking doesn’t work in the TSL. There is no draft, and they won’t be able to get a new QB that way. I’m sorry, but the league will not be able to put you in D2 midseason, no matter how hard you try. 

 

-The top 4 teams in D2 (there are only 5 mind you) are currently all in the Top 13 overall in the Super Kool Topper Rankings System, sitting at 5, 9, 10, and 13. That means they’re all playing great football and beating up on each other. 

 

-The 5th D2 team is Practice Squad, and yes, they’re 0-3, but they’re OH SO CLOSE to winning these games. They don’t get blown out. Their point differential is only -14. Multiple outlets have reported that they’re only one or two plays away from winning every game. B, figure it out. This is on you.

 

-D3 is looking like it’s separating into the contenders (Bullet Club, Wanderers, Itches and Ohs, Jabronies, maybe Let’s Get Reccked) and the pretenders (maybe Let’s Get Reccked, Vaspian, Can’t Touch This, and The Kellers) pretty early. 

 

-Puckett is on a mission to destroy everyone in their way in D4, as they have 110 points in two games. I don’t think they’ll keep up the 55 points per game average the entire season, but with a game against the Creekers this week (and the Stunts too), maybe I’m wrong. 

 

-The BAADies might be saddled with Garrett Beesing being a huge problem, but their defense isn’t anything to write home about overall either. Most of these ladies played fantastic defense on the Angels just a few seasons ago, so it’s not like they don’t know how to do it, but perhaps the rust is still needing to be cleared all the way off. 

 

-TMA is sitting at 2-0 and running the show in D5 despite all of the losses they had this offseason. A big part of that is the play of the ageless wonder Dorene Major and Raena O’Neil who have both been excellent since joining the squad. 

 

-On the other side of D5, the Tater Tots and ILF aren’t exactly having the seasons anyone envisioned when things kicked off a few weeks ago. Injuries and inconsistencies overall have both teams sitting at 1-2 and things aren’t looking up. On the plus side, these two franchises have been around long enough that they know to keep their heads cool and there’s plenty of football left. I hear ILF should let Becca QB though, so they can have better results than the apparent “bum” they have throwing currently. 

 

-D6 is wild, and Southside is just pummeling the competition. They dropped a 52-6 win on Blitzkrieg last weekend to show that they’ll be in D5 next season whether they win or not. Southside is averaging nearly 42 points a game, and only allowing just under 13 points a game. When your average score is 42-13, it’s time to move on. (For reference, the next best offense averages 30 points per game, and that’s the team Southside just held to 6 points, Blitzkrieg. The next best defense allows 22 points, The Tuddies)

 

-The Sausage McMuffins are also 3-0 in D6 and are quietly one of the best TSL stories so far this season. I’ve heard nothing but good things about this team, and they apparently have cool jerseys (which I’ll need someone to send me a picture of them to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. please). We’ll see if they’re for real this week when they play Blitzkrieg, who should be looking to right the ship after last week’s disaster.

 

-The rest of the new teams in D6 need to figure things out a bit more as Pit Harade, Back That Pass Up, and the Mighty Drunks are a combined 1-7 on the season so far. And the one win was PH beating the Drunks last week. 

So there you have it, some really cool storylines developing, and there’s nothing better than looking back at this article in about a month and seeing just how much everything changed. That’s the one thing about the TSL: anything can happen, and it usually does here. A team could figure things out and go on a run, someone can look mighty awesome all season and blow it in the playoffs. Like you, I’m excited to see it all play out. We’re on to Week 4: 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits 30, Grey Hair Don’t Care 27

Tight Ends In Motion 27, Frodo Swaggins 21

Losing Streak 39, Eyes Downtown 38

Legends 40, Scared Hitless 12

 

D1 was mostly fantastic across the board this week, as we saw three great games and then the usual “Who beat the crap out of Scared Hitless?” game that we’re going to seem to get each week. This week it was the Legends, as Melanie helped her new team put a few nails in her old team’s coffin. The rumors of the demise of Grey Hair (and Frodo) were unfounded even though both teams lost. Grey Hair losing by 3 to Sticky is nothing to be upset about, and the same goes for Frodo losing by 6 to Tight Ends. And then Losing Streak stays atop the mountain of D1 with a thrilling one point win over Eyes Downtown. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits (EVEN) - The Game of the Day is at 10:00am on Field 1 as the two undefeated teams in D1 will do battle to see who will be in the driver’s seat for the Week 1 bye in the playoffs (that just means they’d play Scared Hitless). This one can go either way, and I hope both teams aren’t missing anyone this week. LOSING STREAK BY 1

 

Legends vs Tight Ends In Motion (+3) - This should be an old fashioned slobberknocker itself. We still don’t know if TEIM can score enough to keep up with the Legends (TEIM has only played 2 games), but if anyone can slow the Legends down, it's the TEIM defense. TEIM is really flying under the radar this season, they’re basically a championship afterthought. LEGENDS BY 8

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+7) - TEIM will be coming off a highly competitive game (hopefully) against Legends, only to be thrown right into a second game with a very spry Grey Hair team. Grey Hair has shown they can hang with the big boys (and girls) in D1, but they’ve got a LITTLE more work to do before they can be considered true contenders. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3

 

Legends vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - Things don’t get any easier for Grey Hair on this day. LEGENDS BY 14

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Mavericks 41, Practice Squad 37

Freeballers 50, Mavericks 41

Well, the Mavericks certainly enjoyed scoring 41 points last week. It proved to be enough to sneak by Practice Squad, but then it wasn’t enough to beat the Freeballers. That pretty much sums up D2 at this point. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

No Punt Intended vs Practice Squad (+7) - NPI hasn’t lost a game yet, and Practice Squad hasn’t won a game yet. Logically, this would mean it should be an easy call to take NPI here. However, Travis is long overdue for a bad game, and Practice Squad is hungry. They’ve been so close to winning, and I think it's time. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8

 

Untouchaballs vs Mavericks (EVEN) - Yes, the Mavericks can score (37 points per game so far), but they can’t stop anyone either (35 points allowed per game). Their very weak defense will more than likely be their demise, and if there’s any team that can exploit that Mavericks’ D while also slowing them down on offense, it's the Untouchaballs. Jeremy Burr is going to continue slinging the rock all over the place here. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 12

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Wanderers 20, Vaspian 18

Can’t Touch This 19, Let’s Get Reccked 12

Itches and Ohs 22, Bullet Club 21

Jabronies 41, Degeneration Sexxy 28

The Wanderers continue to win, and they continue to keep games close, taking a 2 point victory over Vaspian. Can’t Touch This finally gets in the win column, beating LGR. Steve Moser and company engineers a comeback victory to hand Bullet Club their first loss of the season. And the Jabronies ended up being the only D3 team to score over 30 points last week, taking out D-Sex.

This Week’s Games:

 

Can’t Touch This vs Degeneration Sexxy (+6) - It’s hard to pinpoint what’s wrong with D-Sex right now, because they should be better than 0-3 with that roster. It seems there’s issues on both sides of the ball for them. CTT is improving each week, and if they truly think they’re a D3 contender, they have to win this game convincingly. They won’t. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 4

 

Can’t Touch This vs Vaspian (+3) - …but they will here. I’m not quite sure what Vaspian is just yet, but I think they’re more the team that lost 20-18 than the team that got blown out the week before. Vaspian has always been a great defensive team that struggles to score. CTT won’t struggle to score. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 4

 

Bullet Club vs Let’s Get Reccked (+7) - Speaking of teams I have no idea about, Let’s Get Reccked is on that list. Sometimes they look just awesome, other times they look lost. What I do know is that over the last 10 years, the Easton-led Bullet Club teams have always had great battles against the Buchlis/Baker teams in the past so this should be a doozy. Look out for BC’s new girl Kelsey by the way, she can play. BULLET CLUB BY 1 WHEN LGR GOES FOR TWO AT THE END TO WIN

 

Wanderers vs Itches and Ohs (EVEN) - Two D3 contenders square off as these ball control offenses do battle. Both teams march down the field and score, which means we’re looking at a low scoring game here. I’m not entirely sure who’s going to take this one, but I do think it’ll be by 2 points. I flipped a coin. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

 

Jabronies vs Vaspian (+7) - Jabronies have been much better since a Week 1 loss to LGR in the wind and rain. They’ve averaged a 42-28 win in their games since, albeit against the bottom teams in the division. The Jabronies are essentially climbing the D3 ladder, they get Vaspian this week before getting to play Wanderers, Itches and Ohs (twice), and Bullet Club for a rough end to the season. They’ll need this win. JABRONIES BY 12

D4: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Passing While Intoxicated 43, Buffalo Vice 25

BAADies 28, Creekers 21

Puckett All-Stars 48, Travis Henry’s Kids 18

Cunning Stunts 35, Cobblestone 26

PWI might just be good at this football thing. The reigning D5 champs moved to 2-1 on the season with an impressive win over a good Buffalo Vice team. Take away a Week 1 loss to THK, and we’re looking at a 3-0 PWI team. The BAADies did it! They won! And apparently Garrett did his best to blow that game at the end too. The Stunts also snuck by Cobblestone to give us a double gender team victory weekend. Finally, Puckett dominated THK so badly that we had reports of the “Langley blames an injury that isn’t there for his bad performance” move. Yikes. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice vs Cobblestone (+3) - Buffalo Vice looks to get back on the winning track this week against Cobblestone. There’s nothing wrong with Vice losing to a very good PWI team, they’re still on track for a great season. I haven’t heard from Dan yet to give me the skinny on anything (Dan: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. now, thanks) Vice related yet. Cobblestone actually looks good. Darryl has a team of athletes, and when he has that, he can beat anyone. The man with the perfect hair is getting in sync with everyone on his squad and once they click, look out. But not this week. BUFFALO VICE BY 14

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Creekers (+17) - If there’s one thing THK has done over the years, it’s bounce back big after a loss. The fact that they’re getting the brand new Creekers team is only going to make that worse. This one has “Blowout of the Day” written all over it. THK has their weaknesses, namely one of the weakest female groups in the TSL, but none of that should matter here. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 20

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Creekers (+17) - Wait, I lied. THIS has “Blowout of the Day” written all over it. I hope for the Creekers’ sake it isn't true, but they only scored 8 against Cobblestone and then only got 21 against the BAADies’ porous defense. Now they get back to back games against teams that can score at will when they want? That 99-0 forfeit score isn’t looking too bad here. Puckett is just on fire. That’s it. That’s the tweet. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 30

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Cunning Stunts (+8) - Last year, the Stunts beat PAS in Week 1, and PAS never forgot about that game. They still think about it. I get the sense they’ve been waiting for this one. They’re going to look to crush the ladies here. But they won’t. The Stunts are still a smart team and with Joey Batts at the helm, they’ll consistently play smart football. As long as Joey is on, it’ll be a close game. But even still, PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 6

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

GUCCI 33, Goatsack! 27

TMA 51, Tater Tots 12

Goatsack! 24, Not So Sticky 22

Come From Behind 34, ILF 12

GUCCI 35, Long Balls 15

I was instantly told by Jeff Krol after last week’s article was released that he got a text stating that the GUCCI-Goatsack game was indeed the first meeting ever between these two long standing franchises, which I find impressive since it feels like they were playing well before I moved to Iowa. The first time they crossed paths was a good one, with GUCCI taking a 6 point win to keep Goatsack out of the win column this season. Until an hour later anyway, when they beat Not So Sticky to get that W. TMA wiped the floor with the Tater Tots, which was sort of unexpected. Come From Behind wiped the floor with ILF, which was sort of expected. And then GUCCI made it 2-0 on the day with a nice 20 point win over the Long Balls.

This Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind vs Not So Sticky (+6) - These two teams played some fun matches a couple of seasons ago, and now they’re back to reignite the rivalry. NSS has been good, but not great in their D5 return, and CFB has been great, not good this season so far. The NSS offense will have no chance to keep up with the CFB offense, even though both teams play great defense. Give this one to the veterans. COME FROM BEHIND BY 8

 

Tater Tots vs Long Balls (+7) - The Tots seemed to have had a bad week last time out, but I’m sure they’ll put that behind them quickly. The Long Balls have had mixed results so far this season, looking bad against NSS, good against Goatsack!, and then bad again against GUCCI. Logically that means they’ll look good this week, right? No. TATER TOTS BY 10

 

TMA vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+7) - TMA is just doing TMA things this season, which means scoring points and playing great defense. They get an ILF squad that, all jokes aside, got blindsided by their QB leaving them, and now they’re working hard to figure it out. An offense that is learning how to be an offense vs a defense that’s been a top defense for a long time isn’t a good matchup. TMA BY 13

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sausage McMuffins 37, Grass Eaters 31

Southside 52, Blitzkrieg 6

Pit Harade 54, Mighty Drunks 30

Two Tuddies 41, Balls Deep 14

The Sausage McMuffins continue to be a fun story in the TSL, as they moved to 3-0 with a win over the Grass Eaters. Southside rocked Blitzkrieg in a 46 point thrashing that may have Alex considering coaching in the spring too. Doesn’t seem like the real Light Red Hoodie Guy backed up his gloating email to me very well either. You hate to see it. Pit Harade looked pretty competent against the Mighty Drunks, getting their first victory. And we wrap it up with the Tud Buds just smacking around Balls Deep in an easy win. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) - I don’t know what happened to Blitzkrieg. Someone mentioned they might have new jerseys that are cursed. Either way, they’re going up against a completely not cursed Sausage McMuffins team that gets their first big test of the season. If the McMuffins handle business here, that matchup against Southside will be one to watch. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 8

 

Two Tuddies vs Back That Pass Up (+7) - How great is the Tuddies story? They joined the league a couple of seasons ago, and things didn’t go well at all. They almost folded. Then they got a new QB, new females, and things just started to click. Now they’re an outside title favorite! The Tud Buds are yet another TSL success story. They take on Back That Pass Up, which looks like someone just googled “kind of funny football team names”, but they trot out Jeff May at QB so they have some stability to start. BTPU is learning how to play offense together, and they remind me a lot of how the Tuddies started out. TSL life is cyclical like that. TWO TUDDIES BY 7

 

Pit Harade vs Back That Pass Up (EVEN) - BTPU gets a double header, but this time it's against Pit Harade, another new team that got their first win last week. PH is following the blueprint for how to start a team: get a bunch of nondescript guys who are okay-fine, get one good guy (Tall Bearded Guy), get a veteran QB (Nick Hawes), and then get girls who are all better than most of the guys. Rayanna, Ashley, and Jen have combined for a lot of touchdowns (Rayanna throwing three touchdowns was my most emailed information to me last weekend) and they're playing excellent defense. PH will go as far as these ladies take them. PIT HARADE BY 6

 

Grass Eaters vs Pit Harade (+7) - Despite the new team praise, PH then finds themselves against a Grass Eaters team that might just be too smart for D6. I know that this team is pretty much “Steve and Rylee Moser doing Steve and Rylee things” but that’s all they need in D6. If they get anything out of the rest of their roster, it's a bonus. GRASS EATERS BY 10

 

Balls Deep vs Mighty Drunks (+10) - The Drunks are still figuring things out but they’re led by “Kinda Tall, Good Hands” Kid, who is reported to continually make plays. Balls Deep is a little all over the place so far this season, Looking good in their win over Pit Harade, but not good at all in their loss to the Tuddies. They also hung with the McMuffins in Week 1. I don’t know what to really make of them, but the Drunks shouldn’t give them an issue. BALLS DEEP BY 17

 

Southside vs Balls Deep (+20) - …..but Southside sure will. Southside is too good for this division. I’m aware that historically, whenever we say that about a team after Week 3, they don’t win the title, but this team FEELS different. That bloodbath over Blitzkrieg felt like a declaration of sorts, that D6 runs through Southside and whoever steps foot against them will be punished accordingly. Balls Deep, it's your turn. SOUTHSIDE BY 22

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• Can you be at the fields by 10? I’m serious, the game of the day will be Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits, and you’ll want to watch this one. Who will be 4-0? Can Jordan continue to climb the power rankings? Lots of intrigue here. 

 

 

 

• Why haven’t we been using the original Field 2? Well, there was apparently a huge rock that was sticking out, which can only be one thing: dangerous. To avoid anyone getting hurt, we weren’t using that field. But TRAVIS gets a gold star, as I was told he single handedly dug that rock out of the ground, and filled in the hole himself. Great work TCB!

 

 

 

• What’s Next? Horses? Okay, shout out to the pet pig that was at the fields last weekend. And I know people have been bringing their dogs to the fields too. First off, more pictures. Secondly, remember to watch your pets. Last time we had a bunch of pets at the fields, there was an incident, and pets were banned for a bit. They’re back, so let’s make sure our furry friends can keep coming. 

 

 

 

• Is Topper going to finally make an appearance at the fields? The rumors are rampant that the one and only Patrick McGovern, the true Godfather of the TSL, will be back at the “THE HOUSE THAT TOPPER AND LENNY BUILT” this weekend. It isn’t finalized yet, but if he’s there, you better give him a drink. 

 

 

 

• WHEN IS B’S BROTHER’S HOTTEST TSL FEMALES LIST GOING TO DROP? The most important rankings that the TSL has to offer, B’s Brother’s Top 10 list, is allegedly in the works. This man is an artist, and we can’t rush him, but Jeffrey, the entire league can’t wait to see what you have cooked up. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• Good work to everyone refereeing this season. I haven’t been informed of one ref controversy yet, which means you’re doing great. 

 

 

 

• Speaking of good reffing, I heard Coach Jay has been around the fields again, which is probably why everything is running so smoothly. Shout out to Coach Jay, who was huge in helping the league continue on after we lost Lenny and Rameer. 

 

 

 

• Speaking of Rameer, man I miss talking to that guy. There was nothing better, more informative, or more long-winded than a Rameer e-mail about the day’s events for my next article. He was a huge reason I’ve been writing this thing from afar for so long. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go click on “The Rant” and read some of his old articles. Fuck Cancer. 

 

 

 

• Social media is important to the league to get the word out about us, and to get our current league members more up to date on the happenings around the league. So please, take a few seconds to follow us on Facebook (www.facebook.com/TopperSports) and Instagram (@toppers_sports_league). Tell your friends! 

 

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions:

• Komosexuals 38, The VaJennas 22

• The ASS 40, Liddle Dubs 36

• Steph Infection 47, BDSM 44

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits

• 11:00 - Mavericks vs Untouchaballs

• 12:00 - Back That Pass Up vs Pit Harade

• 1:00 - Tight Ends In Motion vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

• 2:00 - Bullet Club vs Let’s Get Reccked

• 3:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Wanderers

 

 

 

• The current forecast for Buffalo tomorrow is looking like 75 degrees and sunny. Perfect football weather. Use your sunscreen, but also make sure you stay hydrated. That’s very important. It’s supposed to be thunderstorming with tornado warnings here in Des Moines, so I’m very jealous of you guys this week. 

 

 

 

• Just a reminder for the new teams out there: Don’t bring your own alcohol to the fields. I didn’t hear any reports of this happening, but it's just a reminder.  If you get caught, league officials will be forced to dump it out in front of you and ban you for a week. 

 

 

 

• It appears the TSL podcast will always need some guests, so if you want to be on the show, let Joe K and Jeff Krol know asap! 

 

 

 

• If there’s one thing you can do every week, it's to go up to a new team or some new players and make friends with them. Have a drink with them, and get them really into the spirit of the TSL. This league thrives on getting new people and characters into the bar/league and the more that people show their personalities, the better we all are. Go make friends, it’s what Lenny used to do every single week. 

 

Week 4 is here, and it’s shaping up to be one of the best weeks of the season weather wise, and game wise. If there were ever a week to bring new people who might want to start playing next season to the fields, this is the time. Have fun this time around.

 

If you need me, I’ll be in the cut. 

 

-GF OUT

WEEK 5 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 19 May 2023 12:57

Published: Friday, 19 May 2023 12:57

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 14

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, when you descend upon the Lenny Alba Fields at the Rose Garden this Saturday, May 20th, in the Year of Our Lord 2023, it will officially mark the beginning of Week 5 of the season. Why is this significant? Well dear reader, it means that we’ve officially played half of the Spring 2023 season already! Four weeks have passed, and of the 46 Non-Breakfast Club teams in the league, all but nine of you have played at least 4 games already. With most of the league having played half their schedule already, it's time to take a look at the updated Championship Odds this season! 

D1:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Legends (4-1)

Sticky Bandits (4-1)

Losing Streak (5-1)

Eyes Downtown (7-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (10-1)

Grey Hair Don’t Care (25-1)

Frodo Swaggins (50-1)

Scared Hitless (100-1)

Some clear lines have formed in D1 between the haves and the have nots, haven’t there? Despite the Sticky Bandits being the team that gave the Legends their only loss this season, these two come in with even odds. The Legends have been rolling as of late, getting better as the season has gone on. Sticky has stayed largely even keeled, systematically rolling through D1 like a well-oiled machine. Meanwhile, Losing Streak is just a hair behind the two, having just lost to Sticky, and they get to test their mettle against the Legends this weekend. A Losing Streak victory over Legends truly makes this a three horse race. Eyes Downtown sits just behind them, having only played 3 games so far this season. A 1-2 record isn’t what Bobby trained for for 8 months, so you know he’s pulling his hair out over it. A 7 point win over Grey Hair, and a loss to Frodo makes you wonder if the end is near for ED or not. Tight Ends In Motion is in the middle of it all, too good for the teams below them, and a step or two behind the ones ahead of them. If they get hot, the teams above them need to look out, but we haven’t really seen anything from them (YET!) to suggest they will. Grey Hair Don’t Care deserves some type of award. I mean, these guys might be the best 1-4 team I’ve ever seen in my time writing this article. They play you very, very tough, and you can’t sleep on them. I look forward to picking them to upset someone in the first round of the playoffs. Frodo Swaggins isn’t lighting the world on fire just yet, and a win over Eyes Downtown is the lone bright spot in a rough season. Life doesn’t get easier for them with games against Sticky (x2) and Losing Streak coming up. Scared Hitless has been getting slammed in the media for constant losses, and rightfully so. Yes, the schedule makers did them no favors giving them Sticky Bandits, Losing Streak, and Legends right out of the gate. Even if they aren’t on that level, that’s no excuse for only putting up 24 points (8 points per game) with the talent they have. With the easiest remaining schedule in D1 (GHDC x2, Frodo, TEIM, ED) we’ll see just how much they belong or if they go QB shopping in the offseason. (Someone tell Jeremy Burr to ref 4 games quickly, just in case).

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits 34, Losing Streak 20

Legends 43, Tight Ends In Motion 14

Tight Ends In Motion 54, Grey Hair Don’t Care 25

Legends 42, Grey Hair Don’t Care 18

Sticky puts a stop to Losing Streak’s momentum (for now), the Legends drop big time points on TEIM and Grey Hair to remind the TSL who runs this show, and Tight Ends lets out their frustrations on no longer being a top D1 contender on Grey Hair Don’t Care this week. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Legends vs Losing Streak (+6) - Well, Losing Streak got their first shot at really proving they were top dogs last week against Sticky and came up short. Their prize? A Legends team that has been on fire recently. If LS wins this one, nobody cares about last week. Another loss however will show them that there’s still work to be done. LEGENDS BY 12

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Scared Hitless (+7) - The biggest question for Scared Hitless is going to be just how mentally tough they are. They got through the brutal schedule, but are they still positive? Do they believe in themselves? Do they remember that Johnny F’N Football is on their team? Both teams need a win. Grey Hair has been oh so close all season and are better than 1-4. The Dylan Day redemption tour starts this weekend. Watch Hitless put up more points in this one game than they have all season. SCARED HITLESS BY 10

 

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) - I don’t think a win for Tight Ends pulls them out of the “middle of nowhere” in D1, but it more or less pulls Eyes Downtown down into the “Former D1 Contenders Group”. The more I think about it, the more I realize D1 really is a 3 team race, and these two aren’t part of that. Prove me wrong Eyes Downtown. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3

 

Losing Streak vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - No matter what happens in the Legends game before this, Losing Streak will go into this one ready to dunk on a GHDC team giving up 33 points a game. There’s too much of a talent disparity here. LOSING STREAK BY 20

D2: 

 

Championship Odds:

 

No Punt Intended (4-1)

The Untouchaballs (4-1)

Mavericks (4-1)

Practice Squad (5-1)

Freeballers (10-1)

D2 continues to be the TSL Thunderdome this time around, as all of these teams are beating up on each other playing some VERY close games. No Punt Intended has been very good with Travis at the helm, but not great, and they still could use some work on defense. The Untouchaballs? Same thing. Burr has been good, not great, they have Mel and Matt Helm, and could win any game they play in. The Mavericks have the best offense in the division, but their defense is so brutal that they shoot themselves in their own foot. Practice Squad is only a hair behind these three, even at 0-4, as (say it with me now) “Every game has been a close game”. They can easily figure this out and become a true contender. The Freeballers bring up the rear here, and despite me ragging on them for what feels like ten seasons now, I’m not putting them last because of that. They were right in the thick of this division, but an unfortunate injury to super nice guy QB Dylan Jaloza derails the season. 

Last Week’s Games:

 

No Punt Intended 44, Practice Squad 30

The Untouchaballs 22, Mavericks 18

Not much to write home about here. NPI scores late to put away Practice Squad, and The Untouchaballs completely shutdown that Mavericks offense to take a four point victory. 

This Week’s Games:

 

No Punt Intended vs Freeballers (+10) - NPI continues to roll, as the hardest working 4-0 team left in the league gets a slight breather against a Freeballers squad that has some kinks to work out. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 8

 

No Punt Intended vs Mavericks (+3)  - Whatever that showing was by the Mavericks last week, it wasn’t them. They average nearly 40 points a game otherwise, so to be held to 18 feels more like that was an anomaly than anything else. Of course, the same could be said about their defense holding a team to only 22 points as well. MAVERICKS BY 6

 

The Untouchaballs vs Practice Squad (+7) - When we last had these two teams meet, UT walked away with a 28-23 win. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this league, it’s not to give B another shot at you. PS finally gets in the win column. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3

D3:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Bullet Club (4-1)

Wanderers (4-1)

Itches and Oh’s (6-1)

Jabronies (7-1)

Let’s Get Reccked (7-1)

Can’t Touch This (10-1)

Vaspian (15-1)

Degeneration SeXy (15-1)

Bullet Club started the season off 3-0, but a 1 point loss to Itches and Ohs and a 2 point loss last week to LGR brought them back to the pack. They’ve still been scoring at a pretty high rate, but its been their defense that’s been the story for them this season. The Wanderers are the current “co-favorites” with BC as they sit atop the D3 standings with a 4-1 record. The one loss, of course, was to Bullet Club on the last play of the game that ended in controversy. It feels like these two teams are on track to run it back again in the championship. But first, a big Week 8 rematch looms. Itches and Oh’s is largely overlooked because they don’t really score a lot, they methodically work the clock, and force teams to play their game. Once you make a mistake, they’ll jump on you. It's even more impressive that they do it with next to no bench depth. The Jabronies are still figuring out what they are, but when they click, they click, as we saw in big wins over CTT and D-Sex. But they also got beat up on by LGR, and snuck out a one point win over Vaspian. So who knows what they are? This week against Wanderers should really show us. Let’s Get Reccked is also all over the place. They blew out Jabronies, snuck out a win over Bullet Club, just missed a close one against Wanderers, and looked lost against CTT. Much like their namesake, you just never know what you’re going to get. Can’t Touch This turned around an 0-2 start to remember how to play football again, winning 3 in a row. Besides the aforementioned win against LGR, they also beat the two worst teams in the division in Vaspian and D-Sex. Winning the games they “should” win is a great start for CTT, but at the end of the day their defense (or lack thereof) is going to be what bites them. Vaspian is absolutely hanging around in their games. Throwing out a bad opening game against Bullet Club, they’ve lost by 2 to Wanderers, 5 to CTT, and 1 to Jabronies. They could easily be 3-1 and the talk of the league right now. Degeneration SeXy is sort of a mess right now, after a 3 point loss to Wanderers in the Rainy Week 1, the other games have been double digit losses. They’re too talented to keep losing though. 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Can't Touch This 42, Degeneration Sexy 32

Can’t Touch This 38, Vaspian 33

Let’s Get Reccked 24, Bullet Club 22

Wanderers 26, Itches and Ohs 20

Jabronies 27, Vaspian 26

 

D3 gives us lots of fun, close football games yet again as CTT takes care of business to keep both D-Sex and Vaspian winless on the season, as they climb the standings. Let’s Get Reccked takes a come from behind victory against Bullet Club in a hard fought contest. The Wanderers keep doing Wanderers things, winning another low scoring, ball controlled affair. Finally, the Jabronies barely hold off Vaspian, walking away with a one point win. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club vs Degeneration Sexy (+10) - Bullet Club has lost their last two games by a total of 3 points, and could easily be 5-0 right now. They take on a D-Sex team that, as I said earlier, just can’t seem to put anything together. Both teams could really use a win here, and I think this will be a very close contest. BULLET CLUB BY 2

 

Can’t Touch This vs Itches and Ohs (+10) - Itches would normally be favored here, but with word coming down that Steve Moser will not be available due some of his old habits, someone else has to QB Itches. I’m not sure who that’s going to be, but they won't be able to replicate what Steve does for this team. They’re built to play a certain way, and without him it could be disastrous. It's like having a really nice car that doesn’t have an engine. Can’t Touch This really catches them at the right time, and they should continue this winning streak they’re riding. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 8

 

Wanderers vs Jabronies (+3) - If the Jabronies are going to solidify themselves as contenders, a win here would do it. Every game the Wanderers play is close, but that’s how they like it. They control the ball and the clock. They’ve been through every single football situation that there’s ever been, so they always know what to do. It’s impressive. They’re exactly what’s been advertised for all of this time. The Jabronies’ season has been up and down, and dialing it in for this game will really tell us how they’ll do in about a month. WANDERERS BY 3

 

Let’s Get Reccked vs Vaspian (+3) - Vaspian is getting close to that first win of the season and they can feel it. LGR is too smart so they’ll always keep a game within a score. They like to have fun, and I’m not entirely sure a 3pm game is the best for this roster. VASPIAN BY 2

D4;

 

Championship Odds: 

 

Puckett All-Stars (3-2)

Travis Henry’s Kids (6-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (8-1)

Buffalo Vice (10-1)

BAADies (10-1)

Cunning Stunts (10-1)

Cobblestone (12-1)

Creekers (1000-1)

This is Puckett’s world and we’re all just living in it. Puckett is the story of the season so far, averaging 50.5 points a game so far. Someone strongly considered calling the police for the amount of abuse they’re putting on the rest of D4. They aren’t playing slouches either. They’ve beaten THK, and both gender teams too. They FEEL like they’re trying to right the wrongs of the past and well, good luck stopping them. Travis Henry’s Kids is building on what was a great end to last season. Say what you want about Langley at QB, he’s been one of the smarter ones the last few seasons. Pistol Pete is a monster, but THK will only go as far as their girls take them. They’re the big weak point of this squad, and while adding Jenna from TOX has helped, that’s not exactly a game changer. Passing While Intoxicated just keeps rolling. They ended last season very strong, won the title, and they look nice in D4. A loss to a good THK team is nothing to shake your head at, and they’re firing on all cylinders. Big test for them this week against Super Puckett. Buffalo Vice started off 2-0, now they’re on a little slide. They’re a good, smart team that, when the team is all there, will be a very tough out for any opponent. Don’t ever sleep on them. The BAADies are adapting to life with Garrett, and they’ll only get better as time goes on. Their defense has been brutal, and if they shore that up a bit, the wins will come. The Stunts have the opposite problem. In 3 games this season, the Stunts have only scored 78 total points. That used to be a one game output for them. Once their offense starts clicking again, look out. Cobblestone is playing good football with Darryl Carr QB Superstar directing them. The talent has always been there on this team, it's getting them on the same page to win. Lastly, the Creekers are good people from all of the reports I’m getting. I hear there’s a really awesome Mullet Guy on the team. All good things. The football, however, leaves a LITTLE to be desired, and it would take a miracle for them to pull off a championship at this point. 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Cobblestone 34, Buffalo Vice 32

Travis Henry’s Kids 42, Creekers 24

Puckett All-Stars 46, Creekers 18

Puckett All-Stars 46, Cunning Stunts 17

 

Cobblestone pulls out a close win over Buffalo Vice, in a very good game. THK kind of just did what they wanted to against the Creekers, who were then handed Puckett as the next opponent. Not the best doubleheader for them. Puckett would go on to dominate the Stunts as well, as the TSL considers PED testing the entire team. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Passing While Intoxicated (+8) - Both of these teams are about to face their greatest tests all season. Puckett has just been simply awesome, PWI has been very good. If any team is going to slow the Puckett Train down, it’ll be PWI. But they won’t. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 14

 

Buffalo Vice vs Creekers (+10) - The Creekers get things a little easier this week after a hellacious back to back last weekend. Even still, they’re going up against a Buffalo Vice team that’s been doing this for decades. The experience pays off. BUFFALO VICE BY 12

 

BAADies vs Cobblestone (EVEN) - If there’s a game Garrett isn’t going to mess up for the girls, it has to be the game against his old team, right? There are no guarantees in life, but I do think the Angels will continue their winning way. BAADIES BY 9

D5:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Come From Behind (3-1)

Not So Sticky (6-1)

TMA (8-1)

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (8-1)

Tater Tots (10-1)

GUCCI (12-1)

Long Balls (17-1)

Goatsack! (20-1)

 

Death, Taxes, and Come From Behind winning football games. The only guarantees in life. CFB is rocking a 52 man NFL roster, but it doesn’t matter. Paul is slinging it like he’s 55 again, as CFB is the only team to score over 100 points so far in a competitive D5. Not So Sticky is performing well at the bar, at least. NSS has been keeping games close, but they’re not scoring enough to hang with CFB, as shown by their 11 point loss last weekend. TMA suffered their first loss of the season, but they’re still a deep team that you can’t ever count out. ILF seems to be figuring out the whole “Andrew playing QB” thing, as they’re 2-2 on the season and they look like contenders. The Tater Tots look disjointed and all over the place right now. They’re better than their 1-2-1 record suggests, but they need to find an answer on defense, which used to be a strength for them. GUCCI is 2-1, and they’re looking good. Here’s hoping they continue that momentum into this week and really make some noise in the division. The Long Balls have been doing well for their first season as they’re 1-2-1 and putting up just as many points in the division as anyone else. The problem for them is more on the defensive side of the ball, as they’re figuring out how to stop teams consistently. Goatsack had that not so welcoming first game of the season, a 32-0 loss in the rain. Since then they’re 1-2, beating NSS and having two one score losses to GUCCI and Long Balls. They’re going to be just fine. 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind 34, Not So Sticky 23

Long Balls 36, Tater Tots 36

ILF 34, TMA 7

 

Three games, three interesting outcomes overall. Come From Behind beats Not So Sticky rather comfortably, and they’re proceeding to be the class of the division. The Long Balls and the Tater Tots tie in a game that showcased the two similarities of these teams: Nice offense, Not So Nice Defense. And in a shocking result, ILF smacked TMA around the fields in a nice 34-7 win. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Not So Sticky vs Tater Tots (+7) - If the Tots are going to “right the ship” this season, this is a good place to start. NSS is a good team, but they can be beaten, and they’re vulnerable. Not sure what’s going on for the Tots this year, but it doesn’t seem good. NOT SO STICKY BY 8

 

TMA vs Long Balls (+7) - TMA is out to show last week was a fluke, as they take on a Long Balls team that is starting to “get it” in the TSL. The problem for the Long Balls is that I just essentially said they were the Tater Tots. TMA beat the Tots by about 100 points two weeks ago. TMA BY 16

 

Interdimensional Lighting Falcons vs Goatsack! (+7) - ILF is riding high after a big win, and the team is starting to find their identity this season. Goatsack continues to improve on the season as well, and they’re looking for a statement win here. Look for ILF to falter after a big win a week ago. GOATSACK! BY 8

 

Come From Behind vs GUCCI (+6) - Gucci is the next team to take a shot at CFB, and hopefully the talented squad can find a way to solve the CFB defense. They have an interesting wrinkle with QB Kelly Kane, and it could potentially disrupt CFB. But I have a feeling it won’t. COME FROM BEHIND BY 7

D6:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Southside (3-1)

Sausage McMuffins (5-1)

Two Tuddies (6-1)

Blitzkrieg (8-1)

Grass Eaters (10-1)

Balls Deep (10-1)

Pit Harade (17-1)

Back That Pass Up (20-1)

Mighty Drunks (25-1)

Southside, their loss last week notwithstanding, has been the class of D6 in the first four weeks of the season. They’ve scored 139 points to tie Pit Harade for most in the Division, but with one less game played. They’ve allowed one less point than Two Tuddies for least in the division, but with one more game played. QB Tyler can be a little rough around the edges during the game, but he can PLAY. There’s not a person on the squad who can’t hurt you in some way on the field. They’re good. The Sausage McMuffins are the fun, feel good story from the first half of the season. This mostly new team figured out what they’re doing VERY quickly, jumping out to a 4-0 record, tops in D6. Great jerseys, great attitude, and seemingly great people as Alex Hill came off as a really nice guy on the podcast this week. They’ll probably be 6-0 going into June when a double header with Southside and the Two Tuddies looms. The #1 seed is looking like a good regular season prize, so all of those teams will be gunning for it. Speaking of the Tuddies, they’re 2-1 and life seems good for the Tud Buds. They played Southside well (only losing by 10) and they’re handling business against newer teams the way a veteran team should. Crazy to think they were getting blown out not too long ago. This team is gelling the way a new team should, and you’re seeing first hand what happens when you do that. It's always Blitzkreig’s year, until it isn’t. Their defense is “fine”. Their offense is “fine”. As a result, they’re just “fine”. They started off hot against two new teams in Week 1, but since they they got obliterated by Southside and lost to the McMuffins. It seems like they’re just “fine”. The GrASS Eaters are just “Itches and Oh’s Lite” where Steve and Rylee play catch all day with other people around. Don’t get me wrong, it works. They might take an extra loss or two the next two weeks, but this team will be around when it counts. Balls Deep is sort of good but sort of bad? On the one hand, they’re 3-2, second in the division, and they just upset Southside somehow. On the other hand, they’re allowing the most points of any “contender”, and they have a negative point differential, which is indicative of probably being not that good. This team is going to be D6’s wild card that pulls off some random playoff upset. Pit Harade is off to a decent start in their TSL careers, sitting at 2-3. They can score, but they struggle to stop anyone. They have a brutal schedule of the McMuffins, Tuddies, and Southside to finish the season, but they should be a tough out in the playoffs. Apparently they represent well at the bar though, so they have that part down. Back That Pass Up continues to go through some growing pains, most notably on offense, where they only average about 20 points a game. Their defense is coming along however, and they have a good test this week against a very “fine” Blitzkrieg team. Lastly the Mighty Drunks have gotten very close to a win a couple times this season, but they have some issues on both sides of the ball that they need to work on. With a pretty tough schedule on the horizon, it might be a long month for them. 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sausage McMuffins 23, Blitzkrieg 15

Two Tuddies 28, Back That Pass Up 16

Pit Harade 24, Back That Pass Up 18

Grass Eaters 49, Pit Harade 30

Balls Deep 34, Mighty Drunks 33

Balls Deep 21, Southside 14

The McMuffins take out Blitzkrieg to show they’re not a fluke. The Tuddies cruise to a victory over BTPU, who dropped to 0-2 on the day after a loss to Pit Harade. PH proceeded to stay balanced with a loss to the Grass Eaters. Balls Deep barely squeaks by the last place Mighty Drunks, before upsetting the then first place Southside. Clearly how everyone figured it would go. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg vs Back That Pass Up (+10) - Blitzkrieg knows they’re better than what they’ve shown the last two weeks, and this is the time they get back on track in the second half of the season. BLITZKRIEG BY 10

 

Two Tuddies vs Grass Eaters (+10) - No idea who will be throwing for the Eaters this week, but whoever it is will be a downgrade. Going through these changes against a Tuddies team that is rolling is not the best call. TWO TUDDIES BY 12

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Pit Harade (+14) - The McMuffins have high hopes coming into the second half of the season and they seem locked in as much as any other team in the TSL. There’s nothing more dangerous than a team that’s playing well and having fun. Pit Harade doesn’t seem to have much trouble scoring, but they’re not going to go anywhere in D6 if they don’t figure out how to play defense. Giving up 34.6 points per game won’t cut it. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 17

 

Southside vs Mighty Drunks (+17) -  The Mighty Drunks have kept up good spirits during a tough first half of the season. Their last game was easily their best yet, and they have a real problem for other teams in “Cam”. However they get a Southside team that’s coming off an upset loss, so you know they’re going to be as dialed in as ever. That’s just bad timing. SOUTHSIDE BY 13

FIVE QUESTIONS BEFORE SATURDAY:

 

 

• Will It Rain? It certainly seems so. The Buffalo forecast is looking like 60 degrees, rainy, and windy too. A beautiful May Saturday. The “rainout” procedures are the same as when Jeff emailed your captains earlier in the season: He’ll get to the fields, and make the call then. 

 

 

 

• My captain is awful and doesn’t inform us of anything! How can I know what’s going on? Well, you should 100% be following the league on Facebook at facebook.com/toppersports. You could also join Topper’s Super Kool Telegram App here: https://t.me/toppersports and that will alert you to any immediate updates the league makes. Follow the TSL on instagram too since we’re here: topper_sports_league. 

 

 

 

• With the new odds, who are you betting on to win the divisions? Legends, Mavericks, Wanderers, Puckett All-Stars, Come From Behind, Southside. 

 

 

 

• What about longer shots? Tight Ends In Motion, Practice Squad, Can’t Touch This, BAADies, GUCCI, Grass Eaters

 

 

 

• Can you rank the divisions from easiest to toughest to guess? D4 - It’s Puckett’s World, D5 - Its CFB’s world, D6 - Southside probably but the McMuffins and Tuddies loom, D1 - one of the top 3 get it, D3 - Could be 5 teams going for this, D2 - It's anyone’s guess. No clue. Good luck to them. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• Topper made it to the fields, dispelling rumors of his demise. It was great to hear he was there and on such a nice day too. 

 

 

 

• Lots of teams are more active at the bar than ever from what I’ve been told. It’s good to see that there’s a mix of new teams and old vets merging together. 

 

 

 

• Shoutout to everyone that brought Jeff Krol diapers for his diaper party. Good to see that we took care of someone that takes care of all of us. 

 

 

 

• Lenny and Rameer day is coming, June 10th, BE THERE. I will. 

• Breakfast Club Predictions: 

• BDSM 34, Liddle Dubs 23

• The ASS 42, The VaJennas 30

• Komosexuals 27, Steph Infection 26

 

 

 

• Speaking of Breakfast Club, it's the closest one I’ve seen in years. 4 2-1 teams, a 1-2 team, and the 0-3 team has lost close games. BC is doing awesome, and everyone should join it. Remember, you can’t be on the sublist unless you play in Breakfast Club. 

 

 

 

• Three teams that need to get it together: Eyes Downtown, Tater Tots, Degeneration Sexy

 

 

 

• Three teams that are overperforming right now: Jabronies, Cobblestone, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

 

 

 

• Three teams that will have a big second half of the season: Scared Hitless, Vaspian, Both Gender teams.

 

 

 

• It should really go without saying, but pretty please, try not to be a huge asshole when you’re on the fields. I don’t know why it seems so difficult for some of you. 

 

And with that, we’re ready for football tomorrow. You should probably bring a change of clothes. Remember, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let me know how your games went. Thank you to the bunch of you that do weekly. 

-GF OUT

WEEK 3 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 05 May 2023 13:34

Published: Friday, 05 May 2023 13:34

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 22

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’re already at Week 3 of the Spring 2023 session. As the calendar turns to the month of May in the Year of Our Lord 2023, it seems that the excellent football conditions are finally going to make an appearance at the fields. My super cool weather app tells me that you’ll be looking at a sunny, 67 degree day (it’ll be 81 degrees here in Des Moines, Iowa, but I’m not gloating) at the fields, which is a far cry from the windy/sort of rainy season we’ve had so far. And it arrives just in time for us as, 

historically, in my years of writing this article for the league, Week 3 is the time where things really ramp up and we truly start to see who teams are this year. The rust from winter should all be gone as most teams have played a couple of games already. Add in one of the great weekends at the bar with Cinco de Mayo (someone explain to Scott Klussman that this means “May 5th”) and the Kentucky Derby and this has all of the makings of a fantastic Football Saturday. 

 

But what about what we’ve seen so far? Who has surprised? Who has already disappointed? Who is completely confusing? Let’s take a look at that so far. 

GOOD NOT BAD:

 

-Legends with Travis throwing

-Sticky Bandits taking a 2-0 record and looking like D1 favorites

-No Punt Intended with Travis throwing

-Bullet Club jumping out to a 3-0 start

-Wanderers fitting right in

-D3 overall looking pretty great

-Stegmeier still being incredibly handsome despite reports he’s actually 72 years old

-Buffalo Vice getting off to a 2-0 start

-Puckett All-Stars just casually tossing up 62 points

-Travis Henry’s Kids if they ever find a quarterback 

-The BAADies Ladies 

-Not So Sticky doing significantly better than the last time they were in D5

-Southside killing D6 in Week 1

-Blitzkrieg killing D6 in Week 2

-Any Breakfast Club team that scores 38 points

BAD NOT GOOD:

 

-Legends with Joey Batts throwing

-Sean throwing in Breakfast Club (these two are related)

-Bobby allowing his team to not show up, makes them run more laps at both practices this week

-The TSL QB Power Rankings Committee for ranking Jordan too low

-B’s Brother not coming up with a brand new TSL’s “Hottest Ladies” list despite promising it

-Scared Hitless already trying to drop to D2 midseason (allegedly) 

-Tight Ends In Motion. That's it. That’s the tweet. 

-The Freeballers, unsurprisingly.

-Scotty Dro bailing on Degeneration Sexxy for them to get to 0-2

-The BAADies Quarterback

-Gender teams overall (0-4 so far, mostly Garrett’s fault)

-The lower half of D6

KIND OF NOT SURE YET:

 

-Losing Streak. Looks good, but have only played bums so far. 

-Mike Thomas as the #1 QB overall? 

-Practice Squad figuring it out for playoffs again?

-Let's Get Reccked a D3 contender? 

-Should Vaspian have jumped up to D3? 

-Literally everything about D5

-Is D6 just going to be Blitzkrieg vs Southside? 

-Will any of the “New Teams” emerge?

-Is Jeff Krol ruining the TSL already? 

As you can see, there are a lot of things still undetermined so early in this season, but we’re really starting to get a sense of where things are headed, which can only mean one thing: By June, all of this will be completely different, as it always is. 

 

Before we get into the games, I wanted to put this out there for people as well. As most of you know, Breakfast Club is our fun little draft league that plays at 9am every week. We have female captains that draft the teams and it's a TON of fun. These captains make lots of bets on the games every week to add to the fun. This week, when BDSM takes on The Ash Slinging Slashers, the losing captain is going to donate $50 to the Center for Handicapped Children (www.chclearningcenter.org) and already people on their teams and in the league are joining in the donation. If you’d like to be a part of the TSL donation here and chip in, you can find Ashley or Becca and tell them you want to be a part of it. If you have absolutely zero idea who those two ladies are, you can find Jeff Krol, Travis, Joe K, or really anyone you think might be “important” to the league and they’ll make sure whatever your donation is gets to the right place. This isn’t mandatory or expected, but the league asked me to let everyone know in case others wanted to help out as well. Shout out to Ashley and Becca for turning a fun BC bet into something good for others. 

Onto the games…

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games: 

 

Sticky Bandits 29, Legends 22

Frodo Swaggins 37, Eyes Downtown 29

Losing Streak 48, Scared Hitless 12

D1 was plenty interesting last weekend. Sticky Bandits assert their dominance over the Legends, and get a big win that will definitely play a role in playoff seeding. Eyes Downtown was a bit short handed apparently, which led to a quite surprising Frodo victory. Meanwhile, Losing Streak does Scared Hitless no favors, and quadruples their score on the way to an easy victory. 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Sticky Bandits vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - Sticky is on a roll. They won indoor. They beat the Legends. They haven’t seemed to miss a beat despite losing two top females. Mike Thomas is ranked #1 overall in the QB rankings. What can’t they do? Well, I’ll tell you. They can’t lose to Grey Hair Don’t Care. GHDC had an awesome Week 1, and they’ll make this a game, but Sticky is too hot right now. STICKY BANDITS BY 8

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Tight Ends In Motion (EVEN) - A true TSL “Pick ‘em” game, as both teams are still finding themselves this season. TEIM looked discombobulated the last time we saw them on the field, and I don’t think a week off helped that. Frodo shook off a rough Week 1 to get a marquee win over Eyes Downtown (regardless of who ED had there), and they’re looking kinda nice. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 2

 

Eyes Downtown vs Losing Streak (+3) - I’m assuming that Eyes Downtown will have everyone in attendance this week, and they should be ready to play their best after last weekend’s “hiccup”. Okay Jordan, here it is. You want that respect? You want to move up the QB rankings? Win this one. It’ll go a long way for you. After that, all you have left to do is beat Sticky and Legends. Should be easy, right? No, it won’t be, but I’m still a believer anyway. LOSING STREAK BY 7

 

Legends vs Scared Hitless (+17) - The Legends should be good and mad about last week’s loss to Sticky, and they’re going to take it out on poor Scared Hitless. I’m not trying to be too hard on SH, because they’ve proven that the regular season doesn’t matter once you get to the playoffs. I was just really hoping to not have to see them struggle through another season before turning it up. This game against a bitter Legends won’t help them. LEGENDS BY 20 IF TRAVIS THROWS, BY 3 IF JOEY PLAYS

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Untouchaballs 28, Practice Squad 23

No Punt Intended 38, Freeballers 20

Mavericks 40, Freeballers 25

Not much to write home about. Despite me thinking all D2 teams were going to compete, It’s looking more and more like a No Punt Intended - Untouchaballs - Mavericks kind of division. Practice Squad is close, and we’ve learned that they “figure things out”, so don’t be surprised if they’re there by season’s end. Freeballers are already 1-3, and it looks like another typical “Freeballers have talent but never put it together and they disappoint” type season from them. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Mavericks vs Practice Squad (+7) - Practice Squad is 0-2, but they’re keeping games close. That tends to mean a team is a play or two away from turning things around. The Mavericks have looked quite comfortable in D2 so far, and they’re keeping pace with NPI in the Points For department. It’s very reasonable they win this whole thing. Big Mike already has 4 touchdowns (Thanks Jordan!) and let’s give a shout out to Kira, who’s speed rushing had kept QB’s in check. MAVERICKS BY 3

 

Mavericks vs Freeballers (+7) - On the plus side, the Freeballers get a Mavericks team that’s coming off a game, so they’ll be fresher. I want to believe that the Freeballers will use my words as inspiration and show up here, but I’ve come to realize that they never do. MAVERICKS BY 16

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club 37, Vaspian 12

Jabronies 43, Can’t Touch This 28

Wanderers 39, Let’s Get Reccked 38

Itches and Ohs 38, Degeneration Sexxy 21

Bullet Club continues to roll in D3, easily dispatching of Vaspian in their debut. The Jabronies rebounded from a Week 1 loss to LGR with a nice win over Can't Touch This who continue to be OH SO CLOSE to breaking out I feel. I said before the season the Wanderers were must see TV, and it was supposed to be because they’re a flowing offense that knows each other. It wasn’t supposed to be because every single game they play is incredibly close and coming down to the wire. Big win yet again for the Tie Dye Terrors. Itches and Ohs show up and defeat DX, quieting the preseason rumors that they’d be lost without Laura. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Wanderers vs Vaspian (+10) - Lose by 4, Win by 3, Win by 1. That’s a hell of a start for the Wanderers who get to take on a Vaspian team that just had a pretty rough start. Vaspian is including new pieces on offense, and once they get more reps, they should be fine. But today is not that day. Fire up Dion on the jukebox. WANDERERS BY 14

 

Let's Get Reccked vs Can’t Touch This (+7) - LGR moved up to D3 because of Baker and Alex joining the team. Those two players alone have arguably 12,503 combined games played in their careers, and they’ve seen it all. It’s because of that experience that they know how to shift defenses to shut down and offense, and vice versa. They’re just simply hard to play against, and Can’t Touch This might just be too “new” (even after what? 5 seasons now?) to overcome that. LETS GET RECCKED BY 12

 

Bullet Club vs Itches and Ohs (+8) - After their win last week, perhaps it's time for us to stop talking about who Itches and Ohs don’t have, and remember who they DO have. Steve Moser is still one of the best football minds in the game. He takes his time and can slow down an opposing offense with his own offense. Bullet Club has been good, but a mistake or two could lead them to an upset. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

 

Jabronies vs Degeneration Sexxy (+3) - Here are two teams that are still trying to figure things out overall, but last week everything clicked for the Jabronies while DS had a rough go of it. These two teams match up pretty well, but in the end I think the matchup advantage of the DS ladies will be the difference. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 7

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Travis Henry’s Kids 32, Passing While Intoxicated 26

Passing While Intoxicated 41, BAADies 36

Buffalo Vice 48, Cunning Stunts 26

Puckett All-Stars 62, BAADies 24

Cobblestone 36, Creekers 8

THK nearly blows a lead to PWI but holds on for the victory as they sit atop the standings in D4 despite playing John Langley at QB still. PWI responded to the loss with a big win of their own over the BAADies, who would proceed to get trounced by Puckett later on in the day. Don’t worry ladies, everyone knows it's your QB. Speaking of bad QBs, Joey Batts looked awful (according to eyewitness reports) in a Stunts loss to Buffalo Vice who are on a nice little roll to start the season. Finally, Darryl and friends gave a rude welcome to the league to the Creekers with a masterful quarterbacking game to give Cobblestone the win. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice vs Passing While Intoxicated (EVEN) - This is going to be a pretty great game, and it's one to make sure you watch if you’re at the fields. PWI has looked right at home in D4, and they’re getting another test with Buffalo Vice. Vice has looked dominant at times this year, but they also only beat the gender teams who are not at their best just yet. A good test for both teams, but give me the defense of Vice to slow PWI down. BUFFALO VICE BY 8

 

BAADies vs Creekers (+10) - Despite all of the mocking of Garrett, at the end of the day he knows how to win games and his girls are superstars. Losing to Vice, PWI, and Puckett isn’t actually unheard of. The Creekers are brand spankin’ new to the league, and going up against a gender team full of stars isn’t a recipe for new team success. The Angels dust off the losses and pick up a big win here to get on the right track. BAADIES BY 22

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+3) - A potential D4 championship preview in Week 3? Nice. Puckett walked onto the fields last weekend shouting “ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF” before dropping 62 on the BAADies. They’re locked in and ready to run through D4 for this title. Not so fast. THK has figured some things out too, and with Pistol Pete on their side they can beat anyone. This should be a good game, but in the end, I foresee THK’s Achilles heel (their ladies) not being able to keep up and Puckett pulling away late. PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 9

 

Cunning Stunts vs Cobblestone (+7) - An absolute whopper of a QB matchup with Darryl Carr QB Superstar taking on Joey Batts. Darryl’s team looks better than it has in recent years, and at some point the talent he surrounds himself with is going to have to step up and make themselves known in the league. However, all jokes aside, Joey has been the best QB in the TSL under 5’3 of all time. He’s getting older now, so last week, I assume, he had to shake off his own rust. The Stunts are never happy when they lose, so look for them to really get it together this week. CUNNING STUNTS BY 18

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Long Balls 35, Goatsack! 28

Tater Tots 32, Come From Behind 24

Not So Sticky 15, ILF 14

 

D5 gave us some close contests across the board in some really even matchups. The Long Balls just snuck by Goatsack, in a battle of two new (to us) TSL teams. The Tater Tots figured out whatever was wrong the week before and took it to Come From Behind, re-announcing to the division that they’re here to take the crown and last week was an aberration. Not So Sticky used former ILF player Carly (who was deemed not good enough for his team by Andrew Kicak) to score the game winning point over the Falcons. 

This Week’s Games:

 

GUCCI vs Goatsack! (EVEN) - I don’t know for sure, but I’m assuming this isn’t the first time these two teams have met, given their long histories elsewhere. If it’s the first time ever, someone let me know. Two co-ed football flagship franchises face off at the Rose Garden for the first time ever, and it’ll be great to watch. So if you’re at the fields at 11:00, pull up a chair and hang out. You’re witnessing history. I predict both teams put on a show. GUCCI BY 1

 

Tater Tots vs TMA (+3) - Two long time rivals clash yet again as the Tots and TMA battle it out on the field this week. Granted, this rivalry has lost some of its luster this time around (see: no Prim to make people mad) as the Tots have new players, and TMA has lost half of theirs this season. Either way, we’re going to see some good football and that’s what matters here. TATER TOTS BY 3

 

Not So Sticky vs Goatsack! (+3) - Not So Sticky might be 2-0, but they’re not doing it by wowing people on offense, as they’ve only scored 18 and 15 points in their victories. Throwing out the pouring rain game, Goatsack looks pretty efficient on offense so far, but their defense leaves a bit to be desired. If Goatsack can shore up that defense, they can take this game, but I have to see it first before I bet on them. NOT SO STICKY BY 2

 

Come From Behind vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+10) - CFB is coming off a close loss last week against the Tots, but at the end of the day their offense (and defense!) is still top notch in D5, while ILF is lacking in the offense department. Unless ILF can force 2+ turnovers, CFB should walk away with this one. COME FROM BEHIND BY 13

 

GUCCI vs Long Balls (EVEN) - The Long Balls were impressive in their win last week over Goatsack, as they’re starting to “figure things out” in the TSL. Their reward is going up against another long time Social Co-Ed Football Franchise in GUCCI, and their All-World/All-Awesome QB Kelly Kane. GUCCI will provide the Long Balls with a different dynamic than they’ve seen so far and it’ll depend on how well they adjust in game if they’re going to win. My guess? They won’t. GUCCI BY 9

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sausage McMuffins 38, Back That Pass Up 34

Blitzkrieg 41, Pit Harade 8

Blitzkrieg 43, Mighty Drunks 19

Balls Deep 35, Pit Harade 23

Last week’s D6 action was telling, as Blitzkrieg made their season debut and proceeded to wipe the floor with some of the new teams in the TSL, averaging 42 points scored, as they have stability at QB with long time stud Alex back for the Spring. Sausage McMuffins moved to 2-0 with a solid victory over the Jeff May-led BTPU. Balls Deep went up against Pit Harade and after some early back and forth, they pulled away as Payton Spinelli grabbed the victory over his former QB in Nick Hawes. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Grass Eaters vs Sausage McMuffins (+3) - A battle of some early undefeated teams here, as the McMuffins take on what is essentially “Steve and Rylee”. That's a pretty good combo to have in D6 however, and I’ll give GE the nod based on that alone. GRASS EATERS BY 2

 

Blitzkrieg vs Southside (EVEN) - Well, we’re getting this juicy matchup early. Southside got to 2-0 by beating up teams in Week 1, and Blitzkrieg got to 2-0 by beating up teams in Week 2. Its an early season matchup that will probably decide the #1 seed later on. This game matters. If Southside wants to win, they’ll need to slow down Light Red Hoodie Guy who had a whopping 7 TDs last week WITHOUT THE HOODIE. He is NOT to be confused with “Light Red Hoodie Decoy Guy” who wore the magical hoodie for reasons I still am working on figuring out. More on this deception as it becomes available. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

 

Mighty Drunks vs Pit Harade (EVEN) - Both teams are 0-2. Both teams have similar points for (34 for MD, 31 for PH) and similar points against (81 for MD, 76 for PH). Both teams are pretty new with some veterans sprinkled on the rosters. Both teams have had a couple of bright spots. Both teams have looked completely brand new to sports at times. This is about as even a game as you’re going to get in D6. I’m contractually obligated to pick one, so give me the one with the QB who routinely throws up 40+ points in Nick Hawes. PIT HARADE BY 3 BUT THEY’LL PROBABLY TIE. 

 

Balls Deep vs Two Tuddies (EVEN) - The Tud Buds are back after a week off, and they’ll be getting a Balls Deep team that looked pretty good last week. The Tuddies held their own against Southside in Week 1, and if they keep playing how they have been since the second half of last season, they should be able to beat a team that is still gelling a little bit. TWO TUDDIES BY 7

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• With the weather finally not a factor (hopefully), who should look better than they have? Truthfully, Scared Hitless isn’t as bad as they’ve looked. Roster changes in D1 are harder to just “deal with” as fast, and when you add in terrible weather, you get exactly what you’ve been seeing. Don’t underestimate them. 

 

 

 

• Who’s going to make a statement this week? It’s gotta be Losing Streak and Jordan right? It feels like a movie: he goes to D1 a few seasons ago, it goes poorly, he goes on sabbatical and recollects himself, and makes his glorious return looking better than ever. I’m just not sure if this is the “triumph” or the “hiccup along the way”. Also, look out for the gender teams to really get things going this week. 

 

 

 

• Who’s been the biggest surprise so far this year? These hot starts typically end poorly for teams, but I think we’ll go with Buffalo Vice. They’ve just handled business very well for themselves and already got over the issues they sometimes have had with gender teams. I don’t think they’re going anywhere in D4. 

 

 

 

• So then, way too early but at least you’ve seen some games now championship predictions? Of course. Sticky Bandits, The Untouchaballs, Let's Get Reccked, Travis Henry’s Kids, Tater Tots, Blitzkrieg. All of these will be wrong. 

 

 

• Team with the bad start that should turn it around for sure? The BAADies are currently ranked 52nd out of 52 teams. They have a collection of some of the best girls in the league. They have the core of some amazing Matty’s Angels teams that used to routinely dunk on people. They’ve scored 31 points a game on average. Once they get their groove back on defense, look out. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• You’re going to get sunburned. Prepare accordingly. 

 

 

 

• Breakfast Club predictions: 

• Steph Infection 38, The VaJennas 33

• Komosexuals 38, Liddle Dubs 30

• The Ash Slinging Slashers 38, BDSM 20

 

 

 

• Here are your Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Buffalo Vice vs Passing While Intoxicated

• 11:00 - Tater Tots vs TMA

• 12:00 - Blitzkrieg vs Southside

• 1:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Losing Streak

• 2:00 - Balls Deep vs Two Tuddies

• 3:00 - Puckett All-Stars vs Travis Henry’s Kids

 

 

 

• Fun heads up: ROSTERS ARE OFFICIALLY LOCKED. You can’t add new people, so don’t ask. 

 

 

 

• If you’re trying to get your 4 games in for reffing so you can play on two teams in the fall, don’t wait. Expecting to get 4 games the last week of the season is going to go terribly for you.

 

 

 

• Captains, get better at informing your players of league happenings. Topper/Krol have always just emailed you with the expectation that you’ll inform your players of things like “if you want to play on two teams, you can ref 4 games”, “we’ll be having a dunk tank this week”, “there’s a website that has weekly articles and a league podcast for you to check out”, etc. We’re finding more and more people aren’t getting informed of league happenings. We can’t email all 600 players, so it's up to you to help. 

 

 

 

• Shoutout to the Angry Buffalo bar staff for being incredibly accommodating (so I’ve heard) to the league so far this season. It’s great hearing that brand new teams are hanging out for a while. At the end of the day, that's what this is all about anyway. 

 

 

 

• I have yet to hear one real complaint about people being jerks or anything this season so far. Obviously this has to do with Topper not being around causing trouble. 

 

 

 

• Three teams that really need a win this week: Freeballers, Goatsack!, and BAADies. 

 

 

 

• Remember, if you want your team to get its due, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Let me know who’s rocking out on your team. And apparently you’re supposed to send me QB Power Rankings stuff too now, which is new. 

 

The Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has entered May! We’re in full swing, and I’m excited to see how this week shakes out. 

 

What’s YOUR Ranking? 

 

-GF OUT