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The Final Picks, Thoughts, Questions, and stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 24 June 2022 12:49
Published: Friday, 24 June 2022 12:49
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 45

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality kicked off last weekend, and as always, it was quite the adventure chock full of twists and turns that you can only really get during Playoff Saturday in this league of ours. 

 

When the sun rises tomorrow morning over the Rose Garden, 26 teams will go to battle for 7 championships. The dreams of April are now so close to reality for these teams as they try to realize their goal of being absolute winners together. Half of our teams have now seen their seasons come to an end, as the hopes and dreams of being TSL champions have been extinguished, at least for the summer. 

 

This means it’s my job of course to tell you just exactly who will be standing tall after the oncoming war. Since that task is difficult to do sitting in my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa, I proceeded to poke the TSLQBRC and get their thoughts on the upcoming playoff matchups to see just how aligned everyone’s thoughts might be for these predictions. Enjoy the email correspondence as we navigate these playoff waters together. 

 

GF: Hey there TSLQBPRC! It's that time once again that I don’t allow you guys to lay around for the last week of the season and we go through and give our competing predictions for the final weekend of the TSL Spring 2022 season!

Grab a couple of committee members and send me your consensus ideas. 

Before we get into the predictions, let's dive into how we got here a little bit. Naturally, last weekend was bananas, as we saw the usual ridiculousness in upsets, perhaps none more shocking than Passing While Intoxicated eliminating TMA from the D5 playoffs. What results surprised you guys? 

 

TSLQBPRC: Godfather of the TSL, always a pleasure to talk playoff football!

So there were four "upsets" where a higher seed fell to a lower seed.  In order of least shocking to most shocking, we'd probably say:

·  Itches over 4th & Something (we predicted this in our Division Analysis... 4th & Something had the better record, but statistically, Itches was the better team)

·  Zack Attack over Vaspian (these two always play close games, and their stats were almost identical)

·  Can't Touch This over Cunning Stunts (the Stunts were a full +10 PPG better on average... they should win this game 8 or 9 times out of 10, right?)

·  Passing While Intoxicated over TMA (this is the BEST point differential in D5 losing to one of the worst... TMA should win this 97 times out of 100!)

 

The only other result that surprised us was that there weren't MORE upsets!  This season the higher seeded teams went 16-4 against the lower seeded teams.  Last Fall the higher seeded teams only went 11-9 in the first round.  You think that means anything?

 

GF: All that I think it means is something we've known about the TSL for over a decade: The weather is always the great equalizer. I hear Buffalo had near perfect football weather this past weekend, which resulted in less randomness happening in the games. In the fall sessions, the league is more prone to cold, wind, rain, and in some years, even snow playing a factor. With a 90 degree day on the horizon for Championship Saturday, the heat will play a factor across the board, but especially in the title games, with players on their second straight game (and some could be playing in 4 straight games if things break their way!). I'll always tell people to wear sunscreen, but everyone better bring water and Gatorade this week too. Hell, the TSL should invest in a lot of Liquid IV packets for the players just for safety/hydration reasons. We don't need a "Matty Ice dying of Heatstroke on the sidelines" type of scenario. This is especially true for anyone playing on two teams. 

 

TSLQBPRC: "Matty Ice"?  Sounds kind of familiar.  A little loud, never wore an appropriately fitting shirt?  Yeah, that's a great point about the weather.  Hopefully the bulk of the games wrap up before we hit that peak heat, but players NEED to take care of themselves on Saturday.  We know it's distracting thinking about the champagne and bragging rights, but heatstroke is very real, and it'll beat you harder than Untouchaballs.

 

GF: Oh, that's the guy, you've got him. Speaking of the Untouchaballs, D3's top team looked completely dominant this weekend when it comes to 1 seeds. Practice Squad beat Spinelli’s too but allowed 38 points. And then there was Cobblestone who blew a 22-0 lead to Not So Sticky, before needing to escape at the end. Could you imagine if D5 lost its top two teams in one weekend? Chaos, as always. Before we get in depth on the individual divisions, what games overall are you looking most forward to this week? 

 

TSLQBPRC: The one that stands out most to us is Scared Hitless vs DILFS.  We consider these two the betting favorites to win D2, and they're somehow meeting in the semi-finals as a "1 seed vs 4 seed".  No disrespect to Grey Hair - Don't Care (who have been hotter than anyone lately) or Passed Our Prime, but we would pick the winner of Scared Hitless vs DILFS to take that division, assuming either team is at full strength (and you never know for playoffs which critical players will be missing).  Other games we think will be really fun to watch: Frodo Swaggins vs Freeballers (you could argue they're playing for the right to lose to Untouchaballs, but the Finals brings out the best in teams that play hard for each other, and Frodo and Freeballers are both tight-knit groups who play hard for each other...) and Travis Henry's Kids vs Southside.  Okay, that last one only happens if both teams win their semi-finals games, but we think they will, and that's a game we want to see.

 

GF: As always on Championship Saturday, the best of the best (and the Freeballers) remain, so we should see some great games. So, let's start at the top: D1. The right to be called the Undisputed Champions of Social Co-Ed Football in WNY, or even the world really, is on the line and it's about as up for grabs as it can be. 

 

D1: 

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

Legends (3-1)

Eyes Downtown (4-1)

Sticky Bandits (7-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (20-1)

 

The Story: D1 didn’t get this here last week, so here it is. This season, D1 has only been a 4 team division. And with how things have gone for TEIM, it’s basically been a 3 team race for the top of the mountain in Social Co-Ed Football. The Legends were supposed to stomp everyone, but they’ve looked at least slightly beatable. Eyes Downtown started off a little shaky but they’ve figured it out. Sticky Bandits, largely an afterthought in this division, played the best football in their history, and have proven that at the very least, they belong in the D1 championship discussion. 

 

#1 Legends (7-2) vs #4 Tight Ends In Motion (2-7)

Points For: Legends 37.11 (3rd), TEIM 27.11 (4th)

Points Against: Legends 24.78 (1st), TEIM 33.11 (3rd)

TSL Rank: Legends 6th, TEIM 47th

Past Games: Legends 31 - TEIM 20, Legends 38 - TEIM 16

Line: Legends (-12)

 

GF Prediction: The Legends were the preseason favorites heading into the season and there's not much that's happened over 10 weeks to make me think that they shouldn't still be, although I'll argue the gap is much smaller. Anytime you can trot out Sean, Chris Nelson, Heather Cepuchowski, and just, all of them, it’s hard to not pick them. On the other hand, there's a Tight Ends In Motion team who are arguably the most battled tested D1 playoff team we have in the field. Sure, they had the worst season they've had since 1943, but there’s something to be said for having been there before. Sadly, for TEIM, Emily, Robin, Bro, and Lindsey aren't showing up to the fields Saturday. LEGENDS BY 17

 

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: This isn't the 2021 Tight Ends in Motion vs the 2022 Legends.  THAT would have been a great matchup.  At this point, it's just hard to pick against Legends given that Tight Ends in Motion have been nothing but question marks all season and haven't established any continuity or momentum.  We expect a pick from Boccio, three touchdowns from Sean, and about 10 minutes of ranting from Joey about how great he is.  LEGENDS BY 19

 

#2 Sticky Bandits (6-3) vs #3 Eyes Downtown (6-3)

Points For: SB 39.33 (1st), ED 39.00 (2nd)

Points Against: SB 32.89 (2nd), ED 34.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: SB 8th, ED 12th

Past Games: SB 54 - ED 46, ED 49 - SB 48

Line: Sticky Bandits (-2)

 

GF Prediction: This is going to be fun. Eyes Downtown and Sticky Nation meet up in a rubber match from the regular season (the teams split the season series 1-1). They score about the same, and Sticky has allowed slightly less points. Eyes Downtown has arguably been slightly hotter for the second half of the season after an early season slip up. Sticky has just been good all season, even though they've really been living on the edge with one score games. Both sides ooze talent like Razor Ramon oozed machismo, so it's going to just come down to the quarterback for me. And the running storyline all season has been "How will Bobby perform in a world without a clear nemesis?". So far, so good. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Mike Thomas does seem like way too nice a guy to be anyone's "nemesis", we'll agree with that.  These are two perfectly matched teams right now based on how their seasons went.  They combined to go 102-95 against each other in two regular season games with Sticky Bandits getting the slight edge there.  Bobby has that D1 playoff experience, having won the division before, but these aren't the Sticky Bandits of old.  We kept waiting for them to have a "crashing back down to earth" moment this season, and it never happened.  They seem to win or lose all their games by a point, so we'll take the higher seeded team here by the slimmest of margins.  STICKY BANDITS BY 1

 

D1 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: This leaves me with Legends vs Eyes Downtown. Two fantastic teams who have had 3 really big battles this season. The Legends won the season series 2-1, but that doesn't say much. I expect another high scoring showdown, but once the dust settles there's only one answer I keep coming to: The Legends taking a D1 title, and everyone having to listen to Joey Batts (and Travis!) all offseason about how great he (they) is (are). LEGENDS BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Our predicted finals leaves us with Legends vs Sticky Bandits, two teams that each beat each other by a point in the regular season.  It's tough to ignore the talent on Legends, and they finished with the best record and point differential in the division.  They're the favorites, and they deserve to be.  But like each of their previous meetings, we think this will come down to the last possession.  And yes, Joey will be talking about it for months.  LEGENDS BY 3

 

D2: 

Last Week’s Games: 

#2 Grey Hair Don’t Care 35, #7 Bullet Club 25

#3 Passed Our Prime 39, #6 When Dove Cries 14

#4 Dilfs 29, #5 The Notorious BNB 28

 

Nothing but chalk in D2 last weekend, as all of the higher seeds made it out of the round. Grey Hair got a slight scare from Bullet Club before pulling away, Passed Our Prime put their foot on the gas and ran right by When Dove Cries, and the Dilfs had to survive a very “up for the task” Notorious BNB. 

 

#1 Scared Hitless (8-2) vs #4 Dilfs (5-4

Points For: SH 30.70 (3rd), Dilfs 32.78 (1st)

Points Against: SH 26.00 (2nd), Dilfs 25.11 (1st)

TSL Rank: SH 3rd, Dilfs 22nd

Past Games: SH 31 - Dilfs 20

Line: Even

 

GF Prediction: Scared Hitless has just been so good from top to bottom, week in and week out. The Dilfs continue to underperform in the regular season record wise, but they've always shown up when it matters. This is almost a pseudo-championship game (as you guys alluded to earlier) based off the numbers, where most people are surprised Dilfs are the “underdog” since they’re better on paper. I was going to go with Scared Hitless here by a slim margin, but reports are coming in that Scared Hitless will be down one of their spectacular females although I'm unsure which one (mainly because Topper doesn't know their names) and that's enough for the needle to swing the Dilfs way for me. DILFS BY 6

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: With no disrespect to their quarterback or male athletes (who are all very good), the "spectacular females" are the stand-out strength of Scared Hitless.  If they're missing one of them, they'll still be a great team, but will they be the favorites in this game?  Probably not.  This was already going to be a "flip a coin" type pick for us, but if Scared Hitless is down a girl, DILFS feel like the pick.  DILFS BY 4

 

#2 Grey Hair Don’t Care (5-4) vs #3 Passed Our Prime (5-4)

Points For: GHDC 31.11 (2nd), POP 30.33 (4th)

Points Against: GHDC 29.44 (3rd), POP 30.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: GHDC 17th, POP 19th

Past Games: POP 30 - GHDC 29, GHDC 24 - POP 23

Line: Grey Hair Don’t Care (-1)

 

GF Prediction: Grey Hair Don't Care has done nothing but rise and rise since the start of the season. They've looked pretty good in most of their matchups, although it appears they didn't look as dominant as one would've hoped in the first week of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Passed Our Prime got their studs to show up, and those horses just ran by the defense of WDC. These two teams split the season series 1-1, with both teams winning by a single point. This is going to be spectacular football, but, if POP has everyone again: Sean, Keyon, Kyle in particular, and Hogan doesn't "Hogan" anything, POP will pull off a slight "upset" if you can even call it that. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 2

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: We love the way Grey Hair - Don't Care battled back from a rough start to earn the #2 seed in this division.  Passed Our Prime is an exceptionally good team, but as you point out, some of these studs play in D1 in the morning, and Saturday will be a brutal temperature to play three or four games in a day.  Plus, won't Sean start pounding shots as soon as Legends wins D1?  Grey Hair has the momentum and the fresher players, so we'll take them.  GREY HAIR DON'T CARE BY 7

 

D2 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Passed Our Prime vs Dilfs - The 3 seed vs the 4 seed. That feels just about right for D2. This should be a great one. Passed Our Prime beat the Dilfs in the final week of the season 25-24. The Dilfs did a great job of slowing down that POP offense, but they forgot to take advantage of that porous defense. They won't get shut down by that defense twice in a row. DILFS BY 8

 

TSLQBPRC prediction: We've got Grey Hair - Don't Care vs DILFS for the D2 championship.  Grey Hair would be the higher seed, DILFS would be the easy choice based on stats.  Our pick is the DILFS, but this will likely be Travis's fifth game of the day (in the heat, on a bad ankle) and we're not expecting his best, so this could be a close one in the end.  DILFS BY 2

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 The Untouchaballs 34, #8 Sleezin Szn 6

#2 Frodo Swaggins 28, #7 Show Me Dem TDs 19

#3 Freeballers 27, #6 Buffalo Vice 23

#5 Itches and Ohs 29, #4 4th & Something 28

 

Hey, we got our first upset, but it’s not much of one. Itches and Ohs slide by 4th & Something in the 4-5 matchup. Buffalo Vice continue to hang well in D3, just losing out to the higher seeded Freeballers. Meanwhile Frodo and The Untouchaballs cruised on to Championship Saturday with some easier victories. 

 

#1 The Untouchaballs (8-1) vs #5 Itches and Ohs (4-5)

Points For: UT 39.22 (1st), Ohs 30.33 (4th)

Points Against: UT 24.22 (2nd), Ohs 33.78 (7th)

TSL Rank: UT 1st, Ohs 32nd

Past Games: UT 40 - Ohs 32

Line: The Untouchaballs (-8)

 

GF Prediction: It's obviously awful and not fun at all that we're agreeing all of the time, and man I just feel like D3 won't be different. The Untouchaballs have been leaving everyone beaten and bruised this season, which hasn't made D3 super fun, from an outsider perspective. Jeremy Burr has proceeded to abuse defenses by unleashing Matt Helm, Greg + Meg, and Mel Linsmair to perfection. Itches and ohs historically win games because they're dominating the QB and Female battles, but Untouchaballs go toe to toe with them in both aspects. When it comes down to it, I expect the Untouchaballs Defense to get one or two more stops than the Ohs, and that'll be that. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Yeah, we'd love to disagree with you on some more outcomes just to play devil's advocate, but so far it's hard to pick against the favorites.  The only disagreement we might have in this game is the final score because we do NOT anticipate this one being close.  Sure, Untouchaballs only won by 8 in that first matchup, but that was way back in April.  Untouchaballs have looked untouchable since then, and Itches have been inconsistent at best.  THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 17 

 

#2 Frodo Swaggins (5-4) vs #3 Freeballers (5-4)

Points For: Frodo 34.56 (2nd), Freeballers 30.78 (3rd)

Points Against: Frodo 33.56 (6th), Freeballers 22.22 (1st)

TSL Rank: Frodo 18th, Freeballers 21st

Past Games: Frodo 28 - Freeballers 21

Line: Freeballers (-3)

 

GF Prediction - Frodo and the Freeballers have had very boring, 'meh' seasons this year. Both went 5-4 and had some ups and downs. These two teams are pretty closely matched, as shown by Frodo's 28-21 win over the Freeballers in Week 1. Freeballers went on a bit of a tear in the middle of the season before tripping all over themselves down the stretch. None of that matters for either team now though. Garrett Beesing's offense has put up a bunch of points, as he correctly utilizes Tammy, Emily, Sarah, and Kristen effectively. They have strong male talent, but nobody is heads and shoulders above the rest either. Meanwhile Freeballers are the same way: Solid top to bottom in all facets of the game. The one thing they do better than anyone is play defense though. I think the Freeballers slow Frodo down enough to take home a win. FREEBALLERS BY 4

 

TSLQBPRC predictions: Freeballers are the only team to beat Untouchaballs this season, and we'd love to see a rematch in the Finals.  So why are we betting against it?  Since that Freeballers vs Untouchaballs game, Freeballers have gone 2-3, and both of their wins were against Buffalo Vice (one of which was last week in the playoffs).  Okay, they match up well against one team.  Other than that, they're not exactly peaking at the right time.  Frodo has been living on the edge all season, with their first seven games all being within one score.  We think they'll handle the stress of a playoff nailbiter better than most teams.  FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

 

D3 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: The Untouchaballs vs Freeballers. The worst thing the Freeballers could've done this season was upset The Untouchaballs during the season. This does two things: Give them irrational confidence against a better opponent, BUT it also means they can't surprise Untouchaballs this time. Now, UT is looking for revenge from the loss earlier on. And they're going to get it. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 12

 

TSLQBPRC prediction: The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins.  Round 1 when these two teams battled it out back in April was close, with Untouchaballs winning by only 7.  Round 2 a couple weeks ago was not, with Untouchaballs winning by 26.  Let's split the difference, and it's still Untouchaballs by two scores.  This is their season to win D3.  It would take a heroic effort by Frodo (or an utter collapse by Untouchaballs) to pull off this upset, and we just don't see it.  THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 16

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Practice Squad 49, #8 Spinelli’s Plumbing 38

#7 Zack Attack 28, #2 Vaspian 22

#6 Can’t Touch This 36, #3 Cunning Stunts 25

#4 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 20, #5 Puckett All-Stars 10

 

Practice Squad takes care of business, giving the TSL its first Championship Saturday without Spinelli’s in a long time. Zack Attack takes advantage of Vaspian’s QB situation and pulls an upset to move on. ILF catches Puckett on the right day to claim a victory, and in the surprise of the weekend (almost) Can’t Touch This backs up what they’ve been saying all season to knock the Stunts out of the playoffs. D4 is ridiculous, and it’s a ton of fun. That’s probably why everyone registers for it. 

 

#1 Practice Squad (8-1) vs #7 Zack Attack (5-4)

Points For: PS 32.50 (4th), ZA 23.11 (10th)

Points Against: PS 21.13 (3rd), ZA 19.89 (2nd)

TSL Rank: PS 2nd, ZA 29th

Past Games: PS 34 - ZA 24

Line: Practice Squad (-8)

 

GF Prediction: Ah yes, the wild west that is D4. It's literally anyone's game here. Practice Squad has been very, very good, and very, very healthy this season, and because of that they're on a tear. They dispatched of Spinelli's last week pretty easily. Nobody is throwing the ball better than B is, and the defense has been top notch. Zack Attack scored a "upset" of Vaspian last week, but it was pretty predictable given the QB injury situation. While Zack Attack is looking closer to the team I remember from recent seasons, I'm not sure they're on par to pull this upset. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 15

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: No one on our Committee is picking Zack Attack here.  Maybe they can use that as "nobody believed in us!" fuel to shock the world on Saturday.  Wouldn't that be exciting?  But we don't believe in them because Practice Squad is just a better team at this point in the season, and we don't see them losing a game.  At least, not in the semi-finals.  PRACTICE SQUAD BY 10

 

#4 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (6-3) vs #6 Can’t Touch This (5-4)

Points For: ILF 32.00 (6th), CTT 26.11 (7th)

Points Against: ILF 31.22 (8th), CTT 25.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: ILF 14th, CTT 25th

Past Games: ILF 37 - CTT 33

Line: Even

 

GF Prediction: ILF took advantage of a historically weak playoff effort by Puckett to move on in the playoffs. Sure, some of that is attributed to the ILF defense, but even still, 10 points isn't much at all. They come to play against Can't Touch This, who shocked the TSL world with their defeat of the Cunning Stunts last weekend. Joe Miano vs Ryan Dougherty is somehow a QB matchup that's must see tv. CTT won last week based off the strength of their girls, who were complete unknowns before last week. Now, I’ve found out that at least one girl is named Ryhan, and she’s marrying Ryan. I feel like Lenny set this up somehow. These teams had a banger of a matchup earlier this season, and this is going to be the best game of the first round. When it comes down to it, I think Can't Touch This has played a lot better competition and they'll continue to rub that awful schedule in Topper's face. CANT TOUCH THIS BY 2

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: For the fourth division in a row, we'll agree with your first game prediction and disagree with your second.  ILF is playing their best football of the year.  Can't Touch This absolutely has the guns to beat them, but the Falcons seem to average a pick-six per game, and we think that'll be the difference.  INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 3

 

 

D4 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Practice Squad vs Can't Touch This for the D4 World Championship is not a thing a single person had guessed back in April. CTT is very up for the task at hand, but in the end, Practice Squad has slightly better talent overall, and they've done this a lot longer. Can’t Touch This will win many TSL championships in this league, it's just not this season. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Practice Squad vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons will be a great finals, but we're not sure how ILF has any edge in this game.  Joe Miano is great.  Isn't B a little better?  The Falcons men are great.  Aren't Practice Squad's a little better?  Christina Nelson is a monster for ILF.  Aren't Renee and Ashtin a little better?  We expect the Falcons to play a good enough game to give them a shot at the end, but Practice Squad is so well rounded.  Looks like we're picking the same division champ yet again, Godfather.  PRACTICE SQUAD BY 5

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Cobblestone 34, #8 Not So Sticky 32

#7 Passing While Intoxicated 28, #2 TMA 20

#3 Tater Tots 33, #6 Come From Behind 30

#4 Red Zone Mafia 39, #5 716 20

 

Cobblestone survives Not So Sticky after going up big early. PWI proceeded to upset TMA on the strength of Colorado Mike. The Tots avenged a loss to CFB, figuring out their defense to move on. And the Red Zone Mafia continues to lurk in the shadows, taking out 716. 

 

#1 Cobblestone (7-2) vs #7 Passing While Intoxicated (3-6)

Points For: Cobblestone 28.33 (5th), PWI 18.89 (8th)

Points Against: Cobblestone 20.78 (3rd), PWI 25.56 (6th)

TSL Rank: Cobblestone 4th, PWI 39th

Past Games: PWI 28 - Cobblestone 12

Line: Cobblestone (-7)

 

GF Prediction: Passing While Intoxicated put TMA right back into the world of "not getting to championship games when they're favored to do so". As much fun as that was last week, the other results of games really boned them. Not only did they get on the map as shocking the world with the win, Cobblestone looked like buffoons after talking lots of smack to Not So Sticky and promptly getting humbled. Granted, Cobblestone came through at the end, but that just goes to show you there isn't anything Darryl Carr can't do. Either way, PWI can't sneak up on Cobblestone (as they did in the season when they beat them), and Cobblestone *better* keep their mouths shut and just play football this time around. It'll keep them focused and keep them moving to the title game. COBBLESTONE BY 12

 

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  It's hard not to read into the results of last week when Cobblestone looked VERY beatable and Passing While Intoxicated looked like heroes.  We've got to think the truth of each team lies in the larger sample size of the entire season, and over the course of the season, Cobblestone was a significantly better team.  COBBLESTONE BY 16

 

#3 Tater Tots (6-3) vs #4 Red Zone Mafia (6-3)

Points For: TT 24.33 (6th), RZM 31.44 (1st)

Points Against: TT 18.22 (2nd), RZM 21.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: TT 10th, RZM 13th

Past Games: TT 25 - RZM 20

Line: Red Zone Mafia (-3)

 

GF Prediction: The Tater Tots and Red Zone Mafia meet in what should be a fantastic matchup. These two teams have both played tremendously. Blake Fisher has emerged as a very good QB, and he's essentially a 20 years younger Jeff Easton, who throws the ball for the Tots nowadays. Both teams have talent all over the place, and the Tots defense is going to be what decides to keep them in games. However, the Red Zone Mafia have had a very good team on both sides of the ball, and quite frankly when it comes down to it, there's no way that Lenny Alba doesn't fix the games so we get a Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia final. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 6

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Would you look at that, this will be the first time we've picked the same Finals game in a division!  We're also going with Red Zone Mafia.  They just drive down the field so effortlessly and get those gender points more often than not.  The Tots are a good team, and we think they're going to put up an awesome fight, but we don't see that being enough.  RED ZONE MAFIA BY 5

 

D5 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia. A big time battle against former teammates. Red Zone Mafia took the regular season matchup, although Cobblestone wasn't at 100%. This game is going to be a blood bath that comes down to the wire, but in the end we're going to see Red Zone Mafia win on a late Sam Lattuca TD pass. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 4

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia.  This is the way D5 is destined to end.  Red Zone Mafia knows Darryl all too well, but do the Cobblestone defenders know how to stop Blake and Sam?  We doubt it.  RED ZONE MAFIA BY 3

 

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#3 Blitzkrieg 40, #6 Lenny’s Ladies 24

#4 Woodpeckers 21, #5 Lettuce Win 6

 

Nothing too surprising here in D6. Blitzkrieg pulls away to beat Lenny’s Ladies, and the Woodpeckers handle Lettuce Win without much of an issue. 

 

#1 Travis Henry’s Kids (7-1) vs #4 Woodpeckers (4-5)

Points For: THK 37.63 (1st), Woodpeckers 21.57 (5th)

Points Against: THK 21.63 (1st), Woodpeckers 27.14 (4th)

TSL Rank: THK 5th, Woodpeckers 34th

Past Games: THK 20 - Woodpeckers 12, THK 40 - Woodpeckers 33

Line: Travis Henry’s Kids (-7)

 

GF Predictions - Travis Henry's Kids shouldn't be in this division, and yada, yada, yada. We get it, John Langley and Pete Wallbrandt get to play pitch and catch while the rest of the Woodpeckers struggle to keep up with them. Woodpeckers are lucky enough to trot out Handsome Wrestler Dan and a pair of Buscaglias, but they don't have much else in terms of firepower to keep pace with the juggernauts that THK truly is. TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 17

 

TSLQBPRC Predictions: We've never understood these "shouldn't be in this division" comments about Travis Henry's Kids.  They were 5-4 in D6 last session.  They were 5-4 in D6 the session before that.  They've been an average team in their division two years running, and then D6 lost TMA, Graves Bros and Victorious Secret this past offseason session.  Travis Henry's Kids doesn't have to apologize for their opponents leaving, they had nothing to do with that.  They can only beat the teams that line up to play them, and in this case it's Woodpeckers.  TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 11

 

#2 Southside (6-3) vs #3 Blitzkrieg (4-5)

Points For: SS 28.88 (3rd), BK 22.88 (4th)

Points Against: SS: 27.13 (3rd), BK 28.25 (5th)

TSL Rank: SS 15th, BK 31st

Past Games: BK 21 - SS 0 (forfeit), SS 25 - BK 18

Line: Southside (-7)

 

GF Predictions - Blitzkrieg finds themselves in familiar territory, Good enough to win, but just on the outside looking in. This hasn't been the best season for the Blitz, as roster turnover and whatnot led to some poor performances. They seem to be picking things up at the right time though! Of course, the issue is that they're running into a Southside squad that has been consistently good regardless of who they put on the field. There's not much Blitzkrieg can do here to keep up with Southside, as they look destined to play THK in the battle for D6. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Blitzkrieg was 3-6 last session, and they're 4-5 this session.  Improvement, sure, but not championship material yet.  Southside on the other hand is built to win right now.  SOUTHSIDE BY 14

 

 

D6 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Travis Henry's Kids vs Southside - The way it was always meant to be since Week 1 when Southside stomped on THK. THK, of course, returned the favor in a 65-14 thrashing. The rubber match was a 33-29 THK win in the most recent contest, and that's more than likely the type of game we're going to see here. It all comes back to the usual thing in D6: John Langley vs himself. Langley gets himself too amped and gets too cocky about his D6 chances and then proceeds to have a meltdown and blow it. Southside has nothing to lose here, and everything to gain. THK will 100% be in D5 next season, but it won't be because they won the title. Langley crumbles mentally, and Southside wins. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: "Langley crumbles mentally, and Southside wins".  For a team with the best +/- per game in the TSL, it's amazing how possible that sounds for Travis Henry's Kids.  Southside IS very good, and very capable of winning this game after all.  THK is very capable of imploding.  But we think they hang on and win a game that's more stressful than they were expecting.  TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 2

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY:

 

Which #1 seed is most likely to NOT win their division on Saturday?

 

TSLQBPRC: Well, our Committee picked ALL the #1 seeds to win their divisions except for Scared Hitless and Cobblestone, so probably one of those two, right?  We'll say Cobblestone.  We really like Red Zone Mafia's chances, and Scared Hitless still has excellent odds to win their division.  In order of least likely to most likely for the #1 seeds, we'll say Cobblestone, Scared Hitless, Legends, Practice Squad, Travis Henry's Kids, Untouchaballs.  Does that sound about right?

 

GF: I can’t argue that order, maybe flip Practice Squad and THK. Overall, yes, I’d probably say Cobblestone at this point. D5 is still very good, and they didn’t exactly wow me with the effort against Not So Sticky. Even if they get past PWI, who beat them before, the winner of the Tots/Red Zone Mafia matchup is going to give them hell. 

 

 

2) Who is the most unlikely champion you could imagine winning on Saturday?

 

TSLQBPRC: Tight Ends in Motion are the most athletically gifted football team everyone has already written off, so we'll take them.  It's not impossible that they pull off a couple upsets to take D1.  And then Woodpeckers have played Travis Henry's Kids close a couple times already.  Why not a wild upset win here and then cashing in on that momentum to win a championship?  Is that SO unlikely?

 

GF: PWI would be the most unlikely champion I can see winning. The path is there for them. They’ve already beaten Cobblestone before, so who’s to say they can’t make the title game and then get a bounce or two? 

 

3) Which team is under the most pressure to perform well?

 

GF: Scared Hitless needs to win D2. Think about it, they’ve been the D2 darlings since the season started. They WON a crossover game. They’re going to D1 regardless of if they win the title or not this weekend. If they walk out of Saturday without a title, that’s going to be deflating after a great season. 

 

TSLQBPRC: It's Legends, right?  They built an all-star team but if they can't win twice on Saturday people will start pointing fingers and asking what happened.  That's a lot of pressure that no other #1 seed can really relate to.  Travis Henry's Kids would be another team that everyone just expects to win because they've been in D6 a while now and it's assumed to be "their time" (like TMA of last season).  Also, a lot of pressure on those guys, John in particular.

 

 4) Who is the best remaining QB from each division?

 

TSLQBPRC: What, don't you read our Power Rankings?  D1 has three contenders, but Joey finished the season as the highest ranked, so as much as people may disagree (Mr. Godfather, Joey's Stunts teammates, his Legends teammates...) we're sticking with him.  Dylan Day is our choice for D2 with Hogan just a hair behind him, unquestionably Burr for D3, without a doubt B for D4, Darryl for D5 edging out Blake Fisher, and John for D6.

 

GF: What a terrible question for me when the committee is right here. Bobby is the man in D1, and you’re forgetting about Dubey in D2. How dare you. Hard to argue Burr in D3, or B in D4. Obviously Darryl in D5, don’t be silly. And it has to be Langley in D6 . 

 

5) Which non-QB do you expect to be the MVP for each division on Saturday?

 

GF: I think Mike Boccio shows up and reminds everyone just who he is this weekend in D1. For D2, Jonny FN Football is going to ball out on some fools. In D3, its time more than just The Sentinel (RIP) know about Matt Helm. D4 is going to give you all a brand new Can’t Touch This player to learn about, I just don’t know who they are yet. I’m sure if Cobblestone wins the whole thing, it’ll be because of someone that the league will say “who is THAT guy and when did Darryl get him?” prompting immediate roster checks. And in D6, it’s just Pistol Pete. That guy is fantastic. 

 

TSLQBPRC: Sean Weisensal will do something ridiculously athletic in D1 whether Legends win it or not.  We don't know if Passed Our Prime is going to win any games, but we'll take Kyle Conniff in D2.  Mel Linsmair (Untouchaballs) is our pick in D3 if she's not one of the missing Scared Hitless girls we talked about earlier.  Renee Lantz is going to light it up for Practice Squad in D4, it feels like a big day is coming for her.  Sam Lattuca is always terrifying to play against for Red Zone Mafia so she's our pick for D5.  And finally, we'll take Dan Farinacci from Woodpeckers in D6, he's always a highlight reel waiting to happen.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY: 

 

1) Whatever happened to the indoor facility the Angry Buffalo was going to start building this session?  Wasn't that supposed to start construction mid-season?

 

2) Breakfast Club is pitting Liddle Deaks against Steph Infection, in a battle of the top 2 seeds. These teams went 1-1 against each other this season, so the game itself is going to be pretty great. Liddle Deaks 37, Steph Infection 31

 

3) As always, major credit should be given to Travis for his management of the sublist this session.  It's the single least rewarding job in bar league football, and he does it with a smile (okay, he does it, maybe he doesn't smile that much).  Travis always has to be the bad cop telling people "no, you can't have this person, no, we're not going to reward you with a great player just because you're asking five minutes before gametime".  Whether people appreciate it or not (and they don't, at least not enough) this makes the League WAY more fair and fun for everyone.  If he's stopping YOU from grabbing bullshit subs, remember, he's stopping your opponents from doing the same thing.  To loosely quote A Few Good Men, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want Travis on that wall, you NEED Travis on that wall.

 

4) It’s going to be 90 degrees tomorrow. Seriously, wear some sunscreen. AND Topper has informed me that he’s acquired a slip and slide for the day so people can cool off. Dress accordingly! 

 

5) Officiating has been fantastic this season, so Coach Jay is going out on a high note in his final season as Head of Officiating.  Thanks again for all the work you've done the past few sessions.  Crazy that we've gone from "the dirtiest player in the game" Rameer to "basically Captain America" Coach Jay and those two very different personalities were both able to be so effective.  Hopefully Jay isn't a stranger around the fields in future sessions.  Best of luck in fatherhood Jay!

 

6) The wine tournament is August 13th and signups are coming VERY soon. Topper wanted me to express that the T-Shirt guy from Lenny and Rameer Day will be there this year, and there will more than likely be some “wine tournament” themed merchandise as well. 

 

7)  The Rose Garden staff were fantastic this session.  They really know how to hire friendly, hardworking people that make our Saturdays at the bar all the more special.

 

8) Even if you’re one of the unlucky people who are no longer in the Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality, you should STILL come to the fields this weekend. Championship Saturday is always a party, and with slip and slides and people popping champagne all over the place, it’s a great way to say goodbye. Come to the fields and party! 

 

9) Is it bad luck to say "it's been a while since we've had an ambulance on the field"?  We had a rocky start to the season with medical emergencies but since then, it's been smooth sailing.  Not sure if Topper ever did that exorcism/field blessing he was planning or whether B's Brother cast some kind of protection spell, but we've been pretty lucky to have no incidents the last few weeks.

 

10) It’s very disappointing that B’s Brother would abandon the TSL for Championship Saturday, but he’s on Official TSL business scouting playing sites for the potential expansion into Georgia. He’s been a rockstar this season, it’s always good to have him back. 

 

 

And there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen. The Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is about to reach the finish line. Nobody knows how it’s going to go, and I guarantee you we’ll have multiple surprises on the fields. Good luck to everyone out there and remember not to freak out on the refs. 

 

-GF OUT

Playoffs Round 1 Thoughts, Predictions and Stff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 17 June 2022 16:13
Published: Friday, 17 June 2022 16:13
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 39

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday, June 18th in the Year of Our Lord 2022, at 9:00am Eastern Standard Time, at The Rose Garden, with the temperature projected to be at 66 degrees while it’s partly cloudy and the wind will be coming from the Northwest at about 16 miles per hour, The Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality will officially begin.

 

On this day, 45 of the TSL’s 52 teams will be taking the field with the same goal in mind: To be one of the TSL’s 7 champions left standing on Championship Saturday. But to even be able to have that opportunity next weekend, you have to win the biggest game of your season this weekend. This is it. This is the time to put up or shut up. Some teams (The Untouchaballs, Scared Hitless, Practice Squad, Travis Henry’s Kids) spent the entire season dominating the regular season (Those teams were a combined 31-5) but none of it will matter if they blow their first game and end up titleless. Some teams (Tight Ends In Motion, Bullet Club, Sleezin Szn) spent the last 9 weeks tripping over their own excuses (they combined for an “NFC East” like combined record of 4-22-1) and trying to get themselves to buy in that “its okay because everyone makes the playoffs so we’ll shock the world then!”. And if they pull off the upset this weekend? The demons of the last 9 weeks are immediately exorcized, and nothing else matters.

 

For those of you that are newer to the TSL, allow me to be the one that informs you that the first weekend of the playoffs routinely has upsets and buzzer beaters. The only thing in sports that compares to the excitement of Playoff Saturday in the TSL are the first two days of the March Madness NCAA tournament. There will be upsets (We’ve had seeds 5-8 move on to Championship Saturday in the same division before), there will be heavy championship favorites going home early. There will be Cinderella 6 seeds in the championship games. It’s incredibly bananas. It’s worth showing up to the fields early to watch the games all day. Also, it’s smart of you to brush up on the Overtime rules, just in case.

 

But before we dive into the playoff matchups, let’s take a second to remember those teams that are no longer with us, as bad luck, poor play, and various other factors caused them not to qualify for the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality.

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

XMD (3-6, 9th in D4) - PF: 35 (3rd), PA: 36 (11th), Topper Ranking: 38th, D4 SOS: 8th Future Projection: D4

XMD made their return to TSL after a few seasons off with mixed results. The scoring was on point, as they ended up 3rd in their division, but a very leaky defense led to their demise. They boasted the 8th toughest schedule in D4 this season, and they were very good against the teams below them in the standings, competed with those just above them, and things didn’t go too well with the better teams. A solid season, but I’d bet its a bit unsatisfying for them as well.

 

 

Today’s Feast (2-7, 10th in D4) - PF: 23.56 (9th), PA: 37.56 (12th), Topper Ranking: 43rd, D4 SOS: 10th, Future Projection: D5

Today’s Feast started off slow, got everyone to start watching them with a couple of midseason wins, and then fell off the Earth yet again. Even with 10th “hardest” schedule, they became the gold standard for “this team looks like they should really be pretty good but they always fall short” in D4 this season, Today’s Feast should strongly consider a drop back to D5 next season, just to figure out how defense works a bit better and get their confidence up.

 

Varsity Has Beens (2-7, 11th in D4) - PF: 24.89 (8th), PA: 34.67 (10th), Topper Ranking: 44th, D4 SOS: 7th, Future Projection: D4

VHB’s first season in the TSL had them in the playoff race right into Week 9, they fell short obviously, but I hope this doesn’t deter them from sticking around. There were some growing pains this year, but they got better each week, and just a little improvement on both sides of the ball will have this team in the playoffs next season. Having a star female in Maddie Norton goes a long way in the lower divisions, so they have the firepower to make some moves in the Fall.

 

 

TOX (2-7, 12th in D4) - PF: 17.33 (12th), PA: 34.56 (9th), Topper Ranking: 45th, D4 SOS: 5th, Future Projection: D5

TOX’s move to D4 proved to be a little premature, but they showed flashes of life at the end of the season. The future “Best at The Bar” finalists (I heard multiple reports of funnels with locals, for instance) struggled on both sides of the ball, but mostly on offense. Of course, the scheduling gods did them no favors by giving them the 5th toughest schedule in the division (the others that missed the playoffs in D4 were no higher than 7th), but a drop back to D5 to work on a few things while competing for a title there seems like the smart move.

 

 

Two Tuddies (0-9-1, 9th in D5) - PF: 12.70 (9th), PA: 39.50 (9th), Topper Ranking: 51st, Future Projection: D6

The Tuddies, according to multiple sources, just “get it” with the TSL. They show up, have fun, and from what I hear they want to be involved in the shenanigans. In fact the only thing they don’t really get is how to play football just yet. I’ve been informed they’re already back for the Fall and planning to “figure it out” a lot better in D6, which makes a lot of sense. There’s no shame in the “drop down”, and this team can only go up from here.

 

 

 

And that’s it for the teams that are no longer with us this season. They brought us fun, they brought us suspense, and hopefully they’ll be sticking around to prove to everyone (and themselves) that this was just a hiccup on their individual paths to stardom.

 

One quick note before we dive into the games: When I post the numbers for PF and PA for teams, that number in the parenthesis means its their overall DIVISION ranking, and not for all of the TSL. And as a special “D4” only thing, I’m giving their strength of schedule from this season because when you have 12 teams and only 9 games, not everyone plays everyone so it’s a fun indicator when picking those games.

 

And now it’s time to handicap the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality! I know you’ve all been waiting for it, and it’s my favorite article to write each season. Let’s get to it. . .

 

 

D1:

 

Byes:  EVERYONE.

The bonus to playing in D1 with only 4 teams is that you get a guaranteed ticket to Championship Saturday, and an extra week to rest any aching joints. We’ll get into it a bit deeper next week with these ones.

 

D2:

Odds To Win The Championship:

Scared Hitless (3-1)

DILFs (4-1)

Grey Hair Don’t Care (6-1)

Passed Our Prime (10-1)

The Notorious BNB (12-1)

When Dove Cries (40-1)

Bullet Club (100-1)

 

 

Teams On Bye:  #1 Scared Hitless (8-2)

The Story: Scared Hitless looked dominant this season, even winning a D1/D2 crossover game. The rest of the division beat up on itself, with When Dove Cries and Bullet Club looking out of place all season.

 

#2 Grey Hair Don’t Care (5-4) vs #7 Bullet Club (0-9)

Points For: GHDC 31.11 (2nd), BC 20.44 (7th)

Points Against: GHDC 29.44 (3rd), BC 41.00 (7th)

TSL Rank: GHDC 17th, BC 52nd

Past Games: GHDC 55 - BC 24

Line: Grey Hair Don’t Care (-20)

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care started off the season a bit slowly, but constantly got better each week as Dave Eickoff and company produced some excellent late season games. His chemistry with Nick Voss and George Lombardo are off the charts, and having Mike Rawdog on the team doesn’t even hurt them as much as you’d think it would. Add in a star female in Amber Hay to a core of above average females and you have a D2 title contender. Bullet Club had a bit of a roster shakeup in order to fix the issues of seasons past. Despite adding Public Enemy players in Paul Johnson and Tommy Hughes along with getting Dylan Jaloza to bring stability to the QB position, just about nothing has clicked for Joe K’s crew. Perhaps Father Time has caught up to most of the players on this team. Unless they pull out some old playoff magic they have lying around, this might be the least fun game of the day. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 17

 

#3 Passed Our Prime (5-4) vs #6 When Dove Cries (2-6)

Points For: POP 30.33 (4th), WDC 23.44 (6th)

Points Against: POP 30.89 (4th), WDC 31.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: POP 19th, WDC 48th

Past Games: POP 32 - WDC 25

Line: Passed Our Prime (-6)

 

Passed Our Prime had a pretty disappointing season when you consider the roster touts Sean Weisensal and Kyle Conniff. Hogan’s team is known more for their scoring but the offense has been down this time around while the defense is relatively average. Still, they ended up as the 3 seed in a very close division. When Dove Cries has had an up and down season due to Topper needing to take off the first half of the season, and added in getting a brand new female core on top of it. WDC got a big boost from the D2 emergence of Talia Calabro, and when Topper is on the same page as Drew and Aaron, they can put up some points. WDC can pull the upset if they capitalize on the guaranteed Hogan INT they’ll get. And if they get a second one? Look out. But you can’t bet on that happening. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 4

 

 

#4 DILFs (5-4) vs #5 The Notorious BNB (4-5)

Points For: Dilfs 32.78 (1st), BNB 29.78 (5th)

Points Against: Dilfs 25.11 (1st), BNB 32.44 (6th)

TSL Rank: Dilfs 22nd, BNB 36

Past Games: Dilfs 41 - BNB 14, Dilfs 45 - BNB 21

Line: DILFS (-9)

 

Tell me if you’ve heard this one before. The Dilfs underachieve throughout the season, lose 2-3 more games than they probably should’ve, and end up in the 4v5 game before making the championship game. D2’s #1 ranked offense and defense (with apologies to Scared Hitless, who had to not only play a 10th game, but it was a D1 crossover game to boot) ended up as the 4 seed this season. They end up playing a Notorious BNB team that they’ve already played twice this season, and they blew them out both times. The Dilfs are primed to make a run at another title, even with Travis Cleavenger-Bernal injured in the final week of the season (and he’s going to probably play when he maybe shouldn’t). BNB hasn’t had the season they write movies about, and attendance has been part of the issue. Of course, it’s hard to blame your QB when he’s missing games because he had a child. You can’t count them out of any game because of the talented players on the roster, but this matchup is the worst case scenario for them. DILFS BY 13

 

 

D3:

Odds To Win The Championship:

The Untouchaballs (2-1)

Freeballers (4-1)

Frodo Swaggins (4-1)

Itches and Ohs (8-1)

4th & Something (10-1)

Buffalo Vice (15-1)

Sleezin Szn (25-1)

Show Me Dem TDs (40-1)

 

 

The Story: The Untouchaballs are the TSL’s #1 ranked team and for good reason. Jeremy Burr has been fantastic throwing to Mel Linsmair and Matt Helm, and they’ve been a machine since Week 1, despite a hiccup along the way. Frodo, Freeballers, 4th & Something, Itches and Ohs, and Buffalo Vice all are capable contenders in any other season, but each team has a weakness that more than likely will show up at some point in the playoffs. SMDTDs and Sleezin just could never get going this year, and look to right the ship in the playoffs. And in a weird quirk, every first round matchup in D3 features teams that already played each other twice in the regular season, giving a unique familiarity in every game.

 

 

#1 The Untouchaballs (8-1) vs #8 (Sleezin Szn 2-6-1)

Points For: UT 39.22 (1st), SS 30.00 (6th)

Points Against: UT 24.22 (2nd), SS 33.22 (5th)

TSL Rank: UT 1st, SS 41st

Past Games: UT 38 - SS 25, UT 42 - SS 25

Line: The Untouchaballs (-15)

 

There’s not much else to say about The Untouchaballs that hasn’t already been said. They’re primed to go to D2 regardless on if they blow it this season or not, and they’re just simply the best team in the D3 playoffs. Sleezin has the talent to win football games, they’re just not for some reason. Newman is a more than capable QB, and they have fantastic females running all over the place for them. Their problem just seems to be not having a standout male on the roster, just a handful of “very good” players. They’re a better team than the record shows, but I don’t think they’re “Pull the upset” better. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 15

 

#2 Frodo Swaggins (5-4) vs #7 Show Me Dem TDs (2-6-1)

Points For: Frodo 34.56 (2nd), SMDTDs 22.11 (8th)

Points Against: Frodo 33.56 (6th), SMDTDs 31.78 (3rd)

TSL Rank: Frodo 18th, SMDTDs 40th

Past Games: Frodo 31 - SMDTDs 27, Frodo 37 - SMDTDs 15

Line: Frodo Swaggins (-8)

Frodo Swaggins has done this season what they always do. Score some points, blow some games they probably shouldn’t, and look like a D3 title contender. Their offense is saving a defense that hasn’t been great all year, and if Garrett has a bad game in these playoffs, I don’t know if the defense can bail him out. SMDTDs has had a very good defense this season, but they’re still working out the many, many kinks on the offensive side of the ball. Even with a suspect defense to play against this week, I’m not sure they’ll be able to keep up. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 10

 

 

#3 Freeballers (5-4) vs #6 Buffalo Vice (4-5)

Points For: FB 30.78 (3rd), BV 28.44 (7th)

Points Against: FB 22.22 (1st), BV 32.33 (4th)

TSL Rank: FB 21st, BV 33rd

Past Games: FB 36 - BV 12, FB 34 - BV 21

Line: Freeballers (-10)

 

 

The Freeballers had a huge week in the middle of the season where I had to apologize to them, and they’ve responded by being terrible since. Just when it looks like this team is going to take off, they stay average. That’s not always a bad thing. They have good players on the team, and the team cares about each other, as I’ve stated before. There isn’t a “weakness” on the team, they just don’t have a super standout player on offense, and they’re fantastic on defense. They play their best with a chip on their shoulder, for sure. Buffalo Vice started out unsure if they should even be in D3, and then strung together some nice wins to prove they belong. The Seth-Caitlyn-Dan-Frank combo continues to be very good, but the problem for them tends to be getting everyone to show up. This game will come down to if Vice can figure out how to solve that FB defense, and in two games this season so far, they really haven’t. FREEBALLERS BY 6

 

#4 4th & Something (5-4) vs #5 Itches and Ohs (4-5)

Points For: 4&S 30.11 (5th), Ohs 30.33 (4th)

Points Against: 4&S 34.33 (8th), Ohs 33.78 (7th)

TSL Rank: 4&S 26th, Ohs 32nd

Past Games: 4&S 49 - Ohs 32, Ohs 45 - 4&S 41

Line: EVEN

This is going to be the most even game of all time it seems. Both teams have had up and down seasons, as tends to be customary for 4&S. Both teams score 30 points and both teams allow 34 points. This game is going to be a great QB duel between Scotty Dro and Steve Moser. It features top tier females in Katie Keller and Laura Streeter. It has terrible defenses. And that’s going to be the key honestly, which defense makes a play first. I have no idea what it’s going to be and this game feels destined for overtime. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

 

D4:

Odds To Win The Championship:

Practice Squad (3-1)

Cunning Stunts (4-1)

Zack Attack (8-1)

Spinelli’s Plumbing (10-1)

Puckett All-Stars (12-1)

Can’t Touch This (14-1)

ILF (15-1)

Vaspian (25-1)

 

 

The Story: It’s anyone’s title in the TSL’s version of the wild, wild west. Practice Squad has been the top team all season, and they’re reminding everyone what they can do when they’re healthy. The Stunts might’ve lost a few more games than we’re used to but they’re still dangerous. Vaspian’s great start to the season fell apart and now I’m being told QB Brian is injured and won’t throw. Huge blow for the playoffs. Zack Attack mightve snuck into the playoffs, but they’re trending upward. Spinelli’s and Cant Touch This have had solid up and down seasons, ILF took advantage of having the easiest schedule in D4 to cover up their blemishes, and Puckett just keeps right on being Puckett.

 

#1 Practice Squad (8-1) vs #8 Spinelli’s Plumbing (4-5)

Points For: PS 32.50 (4th), SP 35.11 (2nd)

Points Against: PS 21.13 (3rd), SP 30.44 (7th)

TSL Rank: PS 2nd, SP 35th

D4 SOS: PS 4th, SP 3rd

Past Games: PS 35 - SP 18

Line: Practice Squad (-8)

 

Practice Squad has been awesome all season. They’re the 2nd ranked TSL team overall, B has been lights out at QB, and the defense has been otherworldly led by Kyle Geertman and Jaime McCabe. It’s amazing what being healthy can do for a team, and they did it all with the 4th hardest D4 schedule, which is even more crazy when you realize they didn’t get to play themselves which would’ve bumped up the difficulty. Spinelli’s started the season off on fire, dropping tons of points just like they have for the last few seasons. Then they started wearing the cursed jerseys, and the wheels really fell off. They should really just wear black again this week to get the mojo right. But, they also were a victim of the division’s 3rd most difficult schedule, which means this game could be a lot closer than you think it will be. Spinelli’s best defense is their offense, and if they’re clicking right out of the gate, an upset could be brewing. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 6 IF THEY WEAR BLACK, PRACTICE SQUAD BY 12 IF SPINELLI’S WEARS THE CURSED JERSEYS.

 

#2 Vaspian (6-3) vs #7 Zack Attack (4-5)

Points For: Vaspian 21.22 (11th), ZA 23.11 (10th)

Points Against: Vaspian 17.78 (1st), ZA 19.89 (2nd)

TSL Rank: Vaspian 9th, ZA 29th

D4 SOS: Vaspian 9th, ZA 1st

Past Games: ZA 18 - Vaspian 12

Line: EVEN

It’s not too often you see a 2 seed be this close to a 7 seed, but this D4 was no ordinary season. Vaspian started hot out of the gate, winning their first 5 games before losing. The team that beat them? Zack Attack. That would start a 3 game losing streak for Kevin Hurley’s boys, that would also see QB Brian get injured. These teams are very similar in that they boast tremendous defenses, but their offenses just couldn’t get it going. Losing your QB isn’t going to help Vaspian. Meanwhile, Zack Attack was “blessed’ by the schedule gods with the hardest D4 schedule, which could very much explain the season they had (Hint: it was subpar by their standards). With ZA peaking (they beat the Stunts last week 27-26), and Vaspian with too many questions, this upset doesn’t even feel like an upset. ZACK ATTACK BY 13

 

#3 Cunning Stunts (6-3) vs #6 Can’t Touch This (5-4)

Points For: Stunts 39.56 (1st), CTT 26.11 (7th)

Points Against: Stunts 28.44 (6th), CTT 25.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: CS 11th, CTT 25th

D4 SOS: CS 2nd, CTT 6th

Past Games: CS 52 - CTT 14

Line: Cunning Stunts (-10)

 

The highest scoring team in D4, the Cunning Stunts, ran roughshod over the league for the most part, which is more impressive when you consider they had the second hardest schedule in D4 this season. Other than a surprising loss to Vaspian, a last second loss to Zack Attack, and a not so good game against Practice Squad, its been par for the course  for the Stunts yet again. Cant Touch This started off pretty awfully, before blaming Topper’s tyrannical scheduling and going on a 5-1 run to end the season. The only loss was a 4 point game against an overrated ILF team, and the wins were against the teams that finished 7th-11th in the standings. Basically, for a first season team, they beat the teams they should’ve beaten, and fell on their face against the cream of the crop. This is their first chance to really prove themselves against a top D4 team since the end of April, but I’m not sure they have the female talent to keep up with the Stunts. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

#4 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (6-3) vs #5 Puckett All-Stars (5-4)

Points For: ILF 32.00 (6th), PAS 32.22 (5th)

Points Against: ILF 31.22 (8th), PAS 24.67 (4th)

TSL Rank: ILF 14th, PAS 23rd

D4 SOS: ILF 12th, PAS 11th

Past Games: First Meeting

Line: Puckett All-Stars (-6)

 

ILF rode the weakest schedule in D4 to a 6-3 record, so they’re overachieving a bit here. Granted, Puckett only played the 11th hardest schedule (see: 2nd easiest), so they’re not exactly world beaters here themselves. ILF QB Joe Miano is playoff tested, and D4 All Star Brett Fiend is also playing well on defense. Not to mention Andrew Kicak himself might be the most talented player on either team. So there are positives, for sure. But we’ve seen this 400 times before. Puckett plays about .500 football during the season, and then TJ takes them on a ride in the playoffs. While we don’t have a regular season matchup between the two to go with, Puckett has a slightly better offense, and a much better defense, AND played a slightly harder schedule. Add in that PAS playoff magic, and, well, PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 4

 

D5:

Odds To Win The Championship:

 

 

TMA (3-1)

Red Zone Mafia (5-1)

Cobblestone (6-1)

Tater Tots (10-1)

716 (20-1)

Come From Behind (20-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (25-1)

Not So Sticky (100-1)

 

 

The Story: There’s a pretty clear line between the top of the division, and the lower half. Darryl put together a very good team this season, and as a result Cobblestone finds themselves sitting on top of the standings at 7-2. The issue is that the teams they lost to are the #2 and #4 seed, TMA and Red Zone Mafia. RZM also beat TMA, but an uncharacteristic loss to 716 midway through the season dropped them in the standings. The Tater Tots also find themselves in the mix as well, although they’re a step behind the big contenders. 716 started hot and fizzled a bit, and Come From Behind started cold and have been heating up. PWI had a decent first season in D5, and Not So Sticky, well, they’re in the playoffs.

 

#1 Cobblestone (7-2) vs #8 Not So Sticky (1-7-1)

Points For: Cobblestone 28.33 (5th), NSS 21.22 (7th)

Points Against: Cobblestone 20.78 (3rd), NSS 29.11 (8th)

TSL Rank: Cobblestone 4th, NSS 49th

Past Games: Cobblestone 24, NSS 0

Line: Cobblestone (-13)

 

Darryl Carr QB Superstar got his team on the same page this season, building a talented roster that includes former Peachy Platoon member Leseaon Washington who is definitely too good for D5, and the same goes for Ade Dunn too. But even with that talent around him, they’ve let Darryl down before, as he can do wrong. Not So Sticky has the football minds to win the game, but as usual, they’re more focused on fun than anything. It’ll take quite the game for this one to be an upset. COBBLESTONE BY 17

 

#2 TMA (7-2) vs #7 Passing While Intoxicated (3-6)

Points For: TMA 28.44 (4th), PWI 18.89 (8th)

Points Against: TMA 17.67 (1st), PWI 25.56 (6th)

TSL Rank: TMA 7th, PWI 39th

Past Games: TMA 26 - PWI 21, TMA 26 - PWI 12

Line: TMA (-14)

 

TMA’s long awaited move to D5 has gone about as well as they could’ve expected. They’ve been arguably the best team all season, still hang out at the bar, and once again find themselves playing tremendous defense. Not to mention they’ve done it largely without the former “twin towers” back at safety. QB Ryan has adapted pretty nicely to the jump up in opponent, and the three headed monster of Diana Bernal, Val Testa, and Lauren O’Brien continue to improve on both sides of the ball. PWI’s first foray into the TSL has had its ups and downs. Colorado Mike put together a fun team and I’m excited to see them improve in future season. TMA BY 14

 

#3 Tater Tots (6-3) vs #6 Come From Behind (5-4)

Points For: TT 24.33 (6th), CFB 31.44 (T-1st)

Points Against: TT 18.22 (2nd), CFB 27.78 (7th)

TSL Rank: TT 10th, CFB 28th

Past Games: CFB 21 - TT 8

Line: Tater Tots (-3)

 

 

The Tater Tots had a season chock full of ups and downs, mostly due to losing QB Mark to injury early on. Even for having QB issues, the Tots stayed above water before Dave found Jeff Easton off the waiver wire. The Tots are 3-1 since the Easton signing, including big wins over Red Zone Mafia and 716. The loss? Last week, against Come From Behind. Paul LoVullo has got the offense going well (we’ll ignore that he didn’t play last week) in the second half of the season, and Harlan proved to be spectacular on defense, shutting the Tots down in the red zone. I can’t imagine a repeat of last week’s game, since I’m assuming that the Tots learned from their mistakes, and CFB will be even better on offense. It’ll be higher scoring on both ends for sure. But the result will stay the same. COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

 

 

#4 Red Zone Mafia (6-3) vs #5 716 (5-4)

Points For: RZM 31.44 (T-1st), 716 28.56 (3rd)

Points Against: RZM 21.89 (T-4th), 716 21.89 (T-4th)

TSL Rank: RZM 13th, 716 24th

Past Games: RZM 27 - 716 21, 716 19 - RZM 6

Line: Red Zone Mafia (-3)

 

The Red Zone Mafia proceeded to have quite the good season, beating D5 favorites TMA and Cobblestone along the way. They ended up with the best offense in the Division, which is a testament to the growth of QB Blake Fisher and everyone who’s ever played in the league knows the name Sam Lattuca. 716 has some real talent themselves, as QB Derek Pew continues to improve. Of course, its a lot easier to do that when Nick Voss is on your team. When you add in Jessie Kieta and Meriah Dishaw, they can make any QB look good. 716 is on the way up, but I’m going to lean in the other direction here. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 5

 

D6:

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

Travis Henry’s Kids (3-2)

Southside (5-1)

Blitzkrieg (12-1)

Lettuce Win (15-1)

Woodpeckers (17-1)

Lenny’s Ladies (20-1)

 

Teams on Bye: #1 Travis Henry’s Kids (7-1), #2 Southside (6-3)

 

The Story: Travis Henry’s Kids runs rampant over the division, Southside still looms as a potential championship upset. Everyone else kind of exists. There’s not much of a story here in D6 this time around, a far cry from the days of old.

 

 

#3 Blitzkrieg (4-5) vs #6 Lenny’s Ladies (2-6)

Points For: BK 22.88 (4th), LL 19.43 (6th)

Points Against: BK 28.25 (5th), LL 32.42 (6th)

TSL Rank: BK 31st, LL 46th

Past Games: BK 34 - LL 33, BK 30 - LL 0

Line: Blitzkrieg (-8)

 

Blitzkrieg stumbled into the 3 seed after a down year for them. 4-5 isn’t anything to write home about, but when you’re a division with THK and Southside, 3rd place is a nice consolation prize. They haven’t clicked the way they were hoping. Some of it was injuries, others were about who showed up. They’re missing some pieces of their past, but what they have is still really good. Alex looks more comfortable behind center each week, Light Red Hoodie Guy is still a beast, and more people should really know the name Cassie Schwach. Mackenzie Neary is an emerging star in the league as well. Lenny’s Ladies have been in a lot of games this season, they just couldn’t bring it home. They have an uber talented roster with Caitlyn Mason, Jaimie Warren, Misty Himes, and Katie Swanson (just to name a few). Joe K has improved a bit at QB, but we’ve seen a carousel of QBs for them once again this season. Blitzkreig beat LL twice this season, although one was on the last play of the game, but they more recently blew the Ladies out 30-0. This should be a fun one that’s going to based off which LL’s roster shows up to play. BLITZKRIEG BY 14

 

#4 Woodpeckers (4-5) vs #5 Lettuce Win (3-6)

Points For: WP 21.57 (5th), LW 30.38 (2nd)

Points Against: WP 27.14 (4th), LW 26.50 (2nd)

TSL Rank: WP 34th, LW 37th

Past Games: WP 28 - LW 16, WP 21 - LW 0 (Forfeit)

Line: Woodpeckers (-3)

 

 

Even though the stats say that Lettuce Win is a superior team, they’re very misleading. Lettuce Win bulked up their PF and PA with 3 games against LLs. Either way, Lettuce Win lives and dies by the play of the mountain of a man known as Iceberg. His legend grows while his name nobody knows. The Woodpeckers were stuck with some tough scenarios early on, and they were given two forfeit wins this season, so one has to wonder just how ready they are for the playoffs. I’m sure Joe and Mark have some trick up their sleeves for this one. WOODPECKERS BY 6

 

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1.            What’s happening in Breakfast Club? The playoffs are underway, and Dominatrix, under the play of Topper and Katie Salisbury, got their first win of the season over the EsCourts when it mattered the most. Jennatalia took the win over Trish’s Tiny Disasters to move on as well. That sets up Liddle Deaks vs Dominatrix and Steph Infection vs Jennatalia. With the injuries to Deak and Travis for LDs, while Dominatrix is healthy finally, we’ll see Dominatrix take on Steph Infection next week.

 

2.            Which #1 seeds are most likely to win their championships? In fact, I’ll rank them in terms of most likely to least likely. The Untouchaballs, Travis Henry’s Kids, Scared Hitless, Legends, Practice Squad, Cobblestone.

 

3.            Which is our most likely upset? Upsets are common in the TSL playoffs. Other than Zack Attack over Vaspian (A 7 over a 2 seed), the most likely upset would be Come From Behind over the Tater Tots (a 6 over a 3)

 

4.            Which #1 seed would you bet on losing this week, if you had to? Since 3 of them have byes, that makes things tougher. I can’t imagine The Untouchaballs losing. So that pretty much means we have Practice Squad against Spinelli’s Plumbing, or Cobblestone over Not So Sticky. Both are possible, neither are probable. I’d have to put my money on Spinelli’s in this scenario, regardless of the curse. They can still score in bunches if they get it all together this week.

 

5.            Can you predict a champion from each division that ISN’T a #1 seed? Of course I can. #3 Eyes Downtown, #4 DILFS, #3 Freeballers, #7 Zack Attack, #4 Red Zone Mafia, #2 Southside.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

1.            I can’t believe how fast the season flies by. It still feels like we just started. But here we are, about to embark on the Race For Social Co-Ed Immortality.

 

 

2.            The weather in Buffalo is supposed to ideal for football, but a little windy. Naturally this will have an effect on the games. We can’t control the weather people, I’m sorry.

 

 

3.            Rumor has it now that the Rose Garden is building TWO indoor fields instead of the planned one. Winter League at the Rose Garden keeps looking more and more probable.

 

 

4.            Best Games To Watch:

a.            10:00 - 4th & Something vs Itches and Ohs

b.            11:00 - DILFs vs The Notorious BNB

c.            12:00 - ILF vs Puckett All-Stars

d.            1:00 - Tater Tots vs Come From Behind

e.            2:00 - Woodpeckers vs Lettuce Win

 

 

5.            The questions about the wine tournament registration are flooding in. Remember, it's at the Black Willow Winery on August 13th. We have room for 16 teams. It’s going to be a ton of fun.

 

 

6.            I’m still really curious how Travis’ injury is going to affect some championships in the TSL if he can’t play through it. The Legends will be fine without him, but the DILFs could really use him and if he can’t go, its a one and done. And don’t forget that the Liddle Deaks looked like the best team in Breakfast Club before he went down. Having a hurt Travis at QB that can’t scramble isn’t going to help that.

 

 

7.            I’m being told the plan is to make sure the divisions are going to be more even next season. No more 12 team D4s and 4 team D1s. A lot will depend on which teams come back, which teams don’t, and whatever new teams will appear.

 

 

8.            There were rumors that D1 would play their semi-final games this week and just play the final on Championship Saturday. I’m glad Topper still kept it so that any team in any division will have to win two tough games to win a TSL championship. It’s one of the best parts of the league.

 

 

9.            Make sure you follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Spofity to get all of the news about the league as soon as it happens.

 

 

10.         I keep hearing rumors about a potential TSL Golf Scramble Tournament. Perhaps that will become a reality if there’s enough interest.

 

 

And that’s it for this week. The Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has begun! Stay safe out there, and don’t be a jerk to the refs. Good luck to our participants. Remember, nothing is guaranteed.

 

 

-GF OUT

Week 8 TSL History Review, thoughts, picks, advice and stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 03 June 2022 13:17
Published: Friday, 03 June 2022 13:17
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 51

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday, June 4th you will converge on the Fields at the Rose Garden to play in what is already Week 8 of the TSL Spring 2022 season. While the games will be fun and competitive, they will undoubtedly take a backseat to the first ever Official TSL Holiday: 

 

Lenny and Rameer Day! 

 

This is one of the hardest and easiest articles I ever have to write. You see, I’ve been informed that not everyone in the league knows WHY we have a Lenny and Rameer Day. So while the action on the field will be fantastic, I’m going to take a second to explain why Saturday is so important. This is mostly for the newcomers to the league, of course. The rest of you already know who we’re celebrating. 

 

I’ll try my best to keep it brief. I’ll most likely fail. 

 

To those that don’t know, Lenny Alba was the Commissioner for Life of the TSL. He was Topper’s best friend and he was a huge catalyst in why we even have a league in the first place. It’s pretty safe to say that there’s no TSL without him. Lenny had a larger than life personality, and he spoke about as fast as Speedy Gonzales on cocaine. Lenny would seek out TSLers, especially newer ones, to talk to and get to know. To make you feel included. He was the puppeteer of the TSL, creating storylines and making people “TSL Famous” for no reason other than he saw “She’s All That” the night before and figured he could do the same. And he did, just ask Mike Boccio. He had a knack of knowing what was going on in just about every TSL game, and he would talk about it. The reason the TSL banquet is so ridiculous? Lenny. The reason B’s Brother is a National Treasure? Lenny. He’s the reason we have a podcast, just so more people can get involved with the league (and maybe so he could further his own story lines). He had a big heart, and once he got to know you, you were in trouble. Many TSLers reading this have been assaulted by rapid fire text message conversations with Lenny, who described himself as a “14 year old girl” when it came to texts. Even more TSLers have had a moment where they looked at their phone to see who was calling, saw it was Lenny, and immediately cleared their schedules for the next two hours, because there was no such thing as a short phone call with Lenny Alba. He loved this league like no other, especially his Public Enemy family. The joy in his voice when we’d have our weekly conversations for this article when it came to them was nearly vomit inducing. I’m sure some of you will read this on Friday. Don’t ever forget how much he loved you guys. For me, as life took me away from the league that I enjoyed and moved me to Des Moines, Iowa nearly a decade ago, Lenny still kept in touch. He had me write this article, and every week we’d talk forever about the games so I’d have enough info. Did he occasionally tell me who to write about? Maybe. Did he suggest that I write like a rabid 7 year old so that people would think he was doing it? Perhaps. Remember, The Godfather doesn’t wear glasses. Lenny did. He couldn’t have been me. But a lot of you sure believed he was. And that was the beauty of Lenny. He toed the line of what people thought things were and what they really are so perfectly. He was a generous human being that pulled off enough stunts in the TSL’s history that even over three years since his death, there’s a glimmer of uncertainty in many TSLers’ minds whether or not he faked his own death just to see if he could do it. It can’t be ruled out. 

 

The Yin to Lenny’s Yang, however, was Rameer Green. Whereas Lenny would be loud and boisterous, always laughing and smiling, Rameer would be a bit more tame, and he’d wear his signature scowl as he roamed the sidelines or hung out at the bar. But don’t get that confused with him being a full on curmudgeon (although, he has told me before that he can indeed be one). Rameer earned his nickname of “Dirtiest Player in the Game” by perhaps taking liberties with some of the rules while he was on the field, and he’d be the first person to steal a great player for his team. Rameer would work his way into becoming the Director of Officiating for the league, and he became the all important ‘3rd man’ in the TSL management world, often casting the deciding vote in the various Topper vs Lenny debates on anything from rules, to suspensions, to if we should have limbo contests to determine who gets the ball. He was a cool head in a sometimes chaotic world, who would be reasonable most of the time. He cared so much about making sure the refs were up to date that anytime there was something wrong or a change that was made, the refs knew that they were going to open a 20,000 word email about something that could’ve been explained in 20 words. Ask them. But where Rameer excelled the most was with the people. Rameer worked his way into being the TSL’s unofficial welcoming committee. A very, very high percentage of TSLers’ “first person they met that they didn’t know before coming to football” is Rameer. He would find players who were “balling out” in the lower divisions in order to get to know them, or more than likely try to get them on his team. Sometimes it was because they could play, other times it was because they looked really good in yoga pants, but either way he reached out to many people. Rameer also went out of his way to make people feel included. But where Lenny would be a huge personality about it, Rameer would have that lowkey one on one with you. He’d really connect with you on a deeper level. Behind that scowl lied a heart of gold, and he truly got to know someone. When “league drama” would occur, Lenny would make a spectacle of it to make people laugh and we move on from it. Rameer would sneak in behind the scenes while the others were distracted to make sure you were okay. He was as genuine as they come. 

 

Their styles may have been nearly direct opposite most of the time, but the goals remained the same: be invested in the people. Take care of them. The whole reason the TSL is a family is largely because these two men made it that way. 

 

Sadly, tragedy struck the TSL in March of 2019. Lenny had some health issues he was working on, and while the prognosis was improving, he passed away in his sleep. It was the lowest point in league history, and a blow not many people were 100% sure we’d survive. But we did. The TSL as a whole stepped up to help try to fill the void Lenny left. Rameer would assume ‘#2’ duties and become an even bigger voice in the league. He did an amazing job with that, and despite everything that happened with Lenny, the league was stronger than ever because of Rameer’s efforts. We had survived our darkest days. I got to know Rameer a lot better during these days as he took it upon himself to feed me information to keep the article going strong, and I’d like to say it did. And just when things seemed to be getting back to normal for us, we found out Rameer had cancer. He had to have some surgeries, and he even lost an eye in the process. But he fought and he fought it hard. Covid had just started, and we had to cancel the Spring 2020 football season. It took away the ability for most of us to see Rameer when he needed us the most. Sadly, on June 4th, 2020, Rameer lost his battle with cancer. It was Lenny’s birthday. 

 

So that’s why tomorrow is so important to the league. We’re celebrating the two most important “Non-Topper” people in league history. Celebrating their lives, their friendship, and the lasting impression they’ve left on all of us. Neither of them would want this attention, which is exactly why Topper is giving it to them. 

 

When you’re listening to the band, or getting B’s Brother’s autograph, or eating ice cream, or hopefully getting some drink specials at the bar, or whatever else Topper has planned for the day, just remember to raise a glass to Lenny and Rameer. Even if you never got to know them personally, their presence is all around this league. Have fun, because that’s what they’d want you to do. 

 

With that, ‘get to this week’s action. Remember that with the many, many crossover D1-D2 games, we’re just combining them. 

 

D1/D2:

 

Last Week’s Crossover Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion 34, Dilfs 23

Sticky Bandits 48, The Notorious BNB 14

Legends 43, When Dove Cries 14

Eyes Downtown 49, Bullet Club 16

 

Well, there goes any chance the league has of adding multiple teams to D1. In a perfect world, we would’ve seen a few upsets to show that D2 teams can absolutely hang with D1 teams. That isn’t the case here at all. Despite a valiant effort from the Dilfs, the other teams have lost in some sort of 40+ points to two touchdowns fashion. While I had been told they all start close, the D1 teams put their foot on the gas and rocked the second half. Not the best day for management. 

 

Last Week’s D2 Games: 

 

Gray Hair Don’t Care 24, Passed Our Prime 23

Scared Hitless 29, When Dove Cries 24

 

Scared Hitless remains the class of D2, putting up another win within their division to pull closer to the 1st overall seed. The problem is that the team right behind them is Grey Hair now, who, after a 4th straight win this season, is the only D2 team to beat Scared Hitless. That means they hold the tiebreaker, and they only sit one game behind. Exciting stuff brewing in D2. 

 

This Week’s Crossover Games: 

 

Eyes Downtown vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - The hottest team in D1 takes on the hottest team in D2. Grey Hair needs this game in order to chase down Scared Hitless for the #1 seed in D2, and a loss to ED would clinch it for SH. Eyes have been so good lately, and they’re dialed in. Grey Hair’s win streak looks less impressive when you see they’ve been winning by one point. They’re not ready for this one. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 14

 

Legends vs Passed Our Prime (+14) - The “Sean” Bowl. I’m not sure which team he’ll decide to play for, but POP needs him more. There’s a world where POP can win a multi-team tiebreaker for the #1 seed. The Legends can win the #1 seed themselves, but their “bye” comes in the form of playing Tight Ends In Motion. There’s just a talent disparity here. LEGENDS BY 10

 

Scared Hitless vs Tight Ends In Motion (EVEN) - The worst D1 team vs the best D2 team is a very intriguing matchup here. I’m quite interested to see how these two match up. SCARED HITLESS BY 8

 

This Week’s D2 Games:

 

When Dove Cries vs Bullet Club (+8) - If Bullet Club is going to avoid going winless on the season, this would be the game for them to do it in. Neither team has been impressive, they’re a combined 1-13 on the season, and the win was WDC beating BC in their previous meeting. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 12

 

DILFs vs The Notorious BNB (+7) - Both teams are coming off crossover losses, but one team looked competent while the other looked a bit rough. BNB might have a backup QB throwing for them as Alex had a child (congrats!), which means it doesn’t look good for BNB here. DILFS BY 14

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sleezin Szn 34, Freeballers 26

The Untouchaballs 46, Buffalo Vice 21

Show Me Dem TDs 36, Sleezin Szn 34

Frodo Swaggins 38, 4th And Something 28

Itches and Ohs 36, Show Me Dem TDs 35

 

Naturally, the Freeballers have a huge week and fall on their face immediately after, giving Sleezin their first win. Sleezin would go on to lose a nail biter to SMDTDs, who would then go on to lose a nail biter against Itches and Ohs. The Untouchaballs bounced back nicely with a big win over Buffalo Vice, which gave us our #1 vs #2 female matchup in Melanie vs Caitlyn. Fun fact, most people gave the edge to Caitlyn. Perhaps we need a new ranking sooner than we thought. Finally, Frodo Swaggins helped 4th&S continue their slide, walking away with a win. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Itches and Ohs vs Sleezin Szn (+3) - Both teams still feel a little shaky this season, so this is a big game on both ends as they look to head into the playoffs with a bit of a win streak. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

 

The Untouchaballs vs Sleezin Szn (+10) - Getting this juggernaut of a team heading into the back half of a double header just doesn’t sound fun for anyone. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 17

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Show Me Dem TDs (+10) - Don’t look now, but SMDTDs is starting to play good football, and the results are due to turn in thier favor, right? Add into the fact that Frodo is getting too close to the top of the standings again, and that usually means they’re in for a let down. SHOW ME DEM TDS BY 4

 

Freeballers vs Show Me Dem TDs (+8) - The high of winning against Frodo (maybe) won’t matter here. After suffering a let down last week, look for the Freeballers to fix what didn’t work last time and get it moving in the right direction this time around. FREEBALLERS BY 19

 

Itches and Ohs vs 4th And Something (+6) - I think the trash talk in this game could be top notch, but right now there’s nothing that makes me want to pick 4th and Something in a game. Not until the playoffs anyway. ITCHES AND OHS BY 10

 

Freeballers vs Buffalo Vice (+20) - Okay, I have inside information that Vice is going to be super shorthanded from Dan. It was going to be close but I’m not sure Vice can come anywhere near Freeballers very short handed. FREEBALLERS BY 17

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

TOX 28, Varsity Has Beens 27

Can’t Touch This 35, XMD 34

ILF 38, TOX 23

Spinelli’s Plumbing 22, Vaspian 16

Puckett All-Stars 48, Today’s Feast 19

Practice Squad 34, Zack Attack 24

 

TOX needed a big win to stay alive for the playoff race and got it! But then they fell short against ILF and I believe that eliminated them from playoff competition. Can’t Touch This remains the TSL’s hottest team with ANOTHER victory, this time over XMD. Spinelli’s got a win in those cursed jerseys to end the losing streak over Vaspian, who’s starting a losing streak of their own. Puckett just dominated Today’s Feast as they round into shape of being the first round underdog that wins in the playoffs. Finally, Practice Squad wins again, putting Zack Attack in their place, and currently out of the playoffs. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Varsity Has Beens (+10) - VHB has played well for a brand new team, but not quite well enough. Here’s hoping they’re learning and will be back in the fall. They need to win out to go 4-5 and have a shot at the playoffs, but it doesn’t look likely when you consider just how good PAS has been. PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 10

 

Can’t Touch This vs International Lightning Falcons (EVEN) - A very even matchup pitting the 22nd and 23rd ranked teams in the TSL. CTT has a Differential of +2, ILF is at -6. They’re both 4-3. This is going to be a great game, and one that will determine which of these teams is actually for real. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 2

 

Zack Attack vs Today’s Feast (+10) - This is a true “Loser leaves town” match, as both of these teams need a win to keep their playoff hopes alive. A loss would give the winner the tiebreaker edge and almost certainly prevent the other from passing them in the standings. There’s a bunch at stake here. ZACK ATTACK BY 12

 

Cunning Stunts vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+7) - Spinelli’s COULD keep pace with the Stunts but there’s nothing they’ve been doing lately that suggests that they will. We haven’t seen SP struggle to score and win games like this since 2020 or so. The Stunts roll on. CUNNING STUNTS BY 3

 

Vaspian vs TOX (+8) - TOX is playing better for sure, and they’re catching Vaspian at the right time as Vaspian has looked a bit shaky the last few weeks.  On the other hand, maybe TOX is the cure for what ails them. VASPIAN BY 3

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

716 15, Passing While Intoxicated 14

Not So Sticky 77, Two Tuddies 16

 

Only two D5 games last week, and they were something. 716 picked up another win over PWI in a game where both offenses really struggled. On the other side of the coin, Not So Sticky scored 77 points with Christine Krol playing QB, which is a real fantastic story there. I guess both teams played with female QBs for fun. Looking forward to their probable 8-9 matchup in the playoffs. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind vs Passing While Intoxicated (+9) - PWI just feels a bit off here, and their offense hasn’t done too much at all this season. It’s common for a new team to struggle as they acclimate to the TSL life. CFB, meanwhile, has played in this league since the beginning of time. They know how to play the game. COME FROM BEHIND BY 19

 

TMA vs Two Tuddies (+16) - The worst thing for a team that’s finding their way on offense is to have to play a team that’s been known for their awesome defense for like 6 seasons. TMA BY A MILLION (or 17). 

 

716 vs Tater Tots (+7) - The Tots’ biggest weakness this season has been their offense, which was marred by injury early on. 716 hadn’t really had a problem scoring until last week’s 15 point output. If the Tots can slow the 716 offense, they’ll be able to pull out a victory. TATER TOTS BY 1

 

Red Zone Mafia vs Not So Sticky (+8) - Word is that NSS will be completely Krol-less this week, which means the inmates are running the asylum there. With no direction, look for RZM to keep up their nice season so far. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 17

 

Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia (+12) - Darryl Carr, QB Superstar is ready to take on some of his former teammates of the past here with his new superteam. I’m not sure I like RZM’s chances here. COBBLESTONE BY 20

 

D6: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Woodpeckers 28, Blitzkrieg 22

Travis Henry’s Kids 40, Woodpeckers 33

Lenny’s Ladies 45, Lettuce Win 38

Southside 25, Blitzkrieg 18

 

You know when you break up with someone and you don’t want to see them thriving after? That’s sort of how I feel when I see Blitzkrieg losing two more games this week. It hurts a bit because I still care, but until they change for me, I have to watch from afar. The Woodpeckers beat BK and then gave THK a run for their money before ultimately losing. Lenny’s Ladies got a win over Lettuce Win in the 3rd game those teams have played. Finally, Southside scraped together a win of their own against Blitzkrieg. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Southside (+40) - The last time these two teams played, THK won by a landslide and the game had to stop early. After that performance only a few weeks ago, it’s hard to believe in Southside here. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 27

 

Woodpeckers vs Lettuce Win (EVEN) - The Peckers have been playing some decent football this season, even if they weren’t all translating to wins. Lettuce Win has been doing the same too, and it appears they have a new league superstar in the making with “The Iceberg” who is apparently 6’7, can jump 12 feet in the air, and catches everything. The Woodpeckers do have Dan Farinacci who can cover him though, so that could be a fun matchup. WOODPECKERS BY 8

 

Lenny’s Ladies vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) - There’s always close games with these two, including earlier this season. However it’s seeming like BK usually pulls it out as of late. Hard to go against that. BLITZKRIEG BY 18

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1.      What will Lenny and Rameer Day entail? While i’m sure there’s more that Topper didn’t even tell me, there will be a band playing from 12-4, he’ll have some TSL merchandise available for sale (including some “surprise stuff”, whatever that means), there’s an ice cream truck coming, I believe the wheels will be spinning for shots, and I’m sure there will be a dunk tank. He also claims Thurman Thomas will be at the fields as well. It’s going to be so much fun. 

 

2.      Who’s the hottest player in the league? Let me tell you about Johnny F’N Football, who took it upon himself to email me and let me know that he’s on the hottest team in D1 AND in D2 and he’s called his shot that he’s going to win both titles. Who can stop him? 

 

3.      Have you subscribed/followed our Social Media yet? Remember, the TSL Podcast is now on Spotify, and we can use more follows and likes on Facebook (Topper Sports, LLC), instagram (@topper_sports_league), and Twitter (@toppersportsllc). The more you interact with the league, the more we’ll know what you want. 

 

4.      I’ve heard rumors that B’s Brother is doing his own Top Females List, is this true? B’s Brother was the originator of the Top Females In The League list, and from what I hear he’s allegedly working on his own list. Genius like this takes time, so we must wait for him. 

 

5.      Can I be on the podcast? Many people want to be on the podcast I hear, but it seems like guests have been harder to come by. Talk to Joe K, Topper, Krol, Trish or whoever and get on the show! 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1.      Breakfast Club Predictions: 

a.      Trish’s Tiny Disasters 37, Dominatrix 34

b.      Jennatalia 35, The Escourts 24

c.      Liddle Deaks 41, Steph Infection 38

 

2.      Here are the Top Games this week: 

a.      9:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

b.      10:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Sleezin Szn

c.      11:00 - When Dove Cries vs Bullet Club

d.      12:00 - Tight Ends In Motion vs Scared Hitless

e.      1:00 - 716 vs Tater Tots

f.       2:00 - Lettuce Win vs Woodpeckers

g.      3:00 - Red Zone Mafia vs Cobblestone

 

3.      I’ve heard reports that Cookie and Elmo are currently on strike and are in intense negotiations with Topper on new contracts. Will they show up to the fields? 

 

4.      Your Lenny and Rameer Day weather forecast looks to be about 65 degrees and sunny! Perfect football day! 

 

5.      The Wine Tournament is August 13th and teams are starting to form up. It’s limited availability so don’t delay in signing up whenever Topper opens registration!

 

6.      Again, if you have more to say about your team’s games and can give info about your players, hype them up like the others do and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. !

 

7.      Also, I want to do a “mailbag” type article next week, so take a second to fire off some questions to me about the league and see if you make the article! I want to know what’s important to YOU. 

 

8.      I see we have even more TSLers stepping up and refereeing this weekend, thank you all for helping make this league the best in the business. 

 

9.      The Race for Social Co-Ed Football immortality is going to be intense as we get closer and closer to playoffs. Please remember to not be a “Travis” and yell at the refs, or other players, or be a bad sport in general. Nobody wants that. You’ll be punished accordingly. 

 

10.  If everyone brings a lawnmower to the fields this week, we’ll probably be able to have the grass properly cut for such a big day. Just to be safe. Bring a lawnmower, get a beer from Topper.

 

And that will do it for this week, everyone go out and celebrate Lenny and Rameer Day as best as you can this Saturday. Drink, laugh, and tell stories. That’s what they would’ve wanted: everyone together, as a family. Who knows? Maybe I’ll show up for it. 

 

-GF OUT

Week 9 Picks, Thoughts, Insights and stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 10 June 2022 12:23
Published: Friday, 10 June 2022 12:23
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 46

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, it’s time to get serious. 

 

After a picture perfect Lenny and Rameer Day last weekend that saw great football, hilarious antics, and a lot of fun being had by the TSL, this week is completely different. You see, this is the final week before the playoffs. The Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality is about to begin, and some of us will be left behind at the starting line. 

 

Week 9 is upon us. It’s the last chance for teams to make a statement, put some wins together, and for some of us, punch their entry into the playoffs. There’s a lot at stake for most of our teams this week. Who has to win to get in? Who’s out? Who needs help? Let’s go over it now so we can get a much clearer idea of what we’re watching for this week. 

 

D1: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Eyes Downtown 53, Grey Hair Don’t Care 37

Legends 49, Passed Our Prime 19

Scared Hitless 35, Tight Ends In Motion 31

 

All of the games listed above were crossover games. Grey Hair gave Eyes Downtown a little run for their money, but it wasn’t as close as the score indicated. Legends walked all over a Hogan-less POP, and Scared Hitless showed that even if they don’t win the D2 title this session, they’re playing in D1 in the fall anyway as they beat Tight Ends In Motion. 

 

What’s At Stake: 

 

Not a lot to write home about in our Top Division. We only have 4 teams, and all will make the playoffs. Tight Ends is locked into that 4th spot after what has easily been the hardest season of their existence. Sticky Bandits are locked into the 2v3 game. The only thing at stake is the #1 seed heading into the playoffs and who gets the “easier” game against TEIM as the Legends and Eyes Downtown battle for it this week. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Legends vs Eyes Downtown (+1) - Both of these teams have been pretty good, as their 6-2 records suggest. They both have D1 Championship aspirations, and both teams are fully aware that playing Tight Ends In Motion in Round 1 of the playoffs is a lot more appetizing than playing Sticky Bandits. This game means a lot more than most realize right now. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 7

 

Sticky Bandits vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) - It hasn’t been the world’s best season for Tight Ends, as a change in QB and a complete overhaul of the females on the team really set them up for failure. Every year we get a few teams that have the ‘season from hell’ and this just seems to be TEIM’s turn. Sticky, on the other hand, continues their rise up the Social Co-Ed Football rankings. Very rarely do we see the “team that sticks together and climbs all the way to the top from lower divisions” anymore, but they’ve done it pretty nicely. This game doesn’t mean much for either team, as they look to avoid injury to their stars. STICKY BANDITS BY 10

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Eyes Downtown 53, Grey Hair Don’t Care 37

Legends 49, Passed Our Prime 19

Scared Hitless 35, Tight Ends In Motion 31

When Dove Cries 38, Bullet Club 26

Dilfs 45, The Notorious BNB 21

 

We already spoke on the Crossover games, but last week also saw Topper getting a win over Bullet Club to finally notch his first victory of the season (And WDC’s second win overall, both against BC) while the Dilfs dominated BNB to move into 2nd place in the division. 

 

What’s At Stake:

 

With their big win in the D1/D2 Crossover game, Scared Hitless has locked down the #1 seed for the D2 playoffs, which means they get the bye week. But after that, we have a lot of seeding to get through. The Dilfs currently have the 2 seed, which means they’d play Bullet Club, which is essentially a bye week anyway. If the Dilfs lose to Passed Our Prime, chaos may reign for the seeding. That would put both at 5-4, where a Grey Hair win over Bullet Club (likely) also puts them at 5-4. But wait! A Notorious BNB win over WDC (probable) AND an upset of Scared Hitless (not as probable, though they don’t have anything to play for) also would put them at 5-4. A 4 way tie pretty much leaves it up to Topper’s wacky calculations for his standings, and it’ll be interesting to see that play out. Also, a WDC win over BNB, coupled with BNB losing to Scared Hitless would get WDC up to 5th, and BNB slides to 6th. Not a single first round matchup is determined, as is customary in D2. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Bullet Club (+10) - Bullet Club lost their best chance to get a win last weekend, in a matchup that sounds like it was full of subs last week anyway. It can’t be a great game if the teams involved don’t even want to show. They now have their last chance to notch a win before the playoffs, but it comes in the form of a Grey Hair team that has really been putting it together as the season progresses. Dave Eickhoff is a sneaky MVP candidate (and potential Ref of the Year!) as he’s used his weapons to their fullest extent. They didn’t beat Eyes Downtown last week, but they showed they could hang with them. GREY HAIR DON'T CARE BY 14

The Notorious BNB vs When Dove Cries (+3) - It’s not the season either of these teams were hoping for when they signed up, but they can’t do much about it now. Team Topper is starting to get hot, riding a very tall and talented lineup to the end zone. But the emergence of Talia Calabro to really show she can play in D2 has also been a fantastic development, especially when she’s paired with Cheryl Julicher. BNB has all the talent in the world, but they’ve struggled recently as key players haven’t been there and the usual nonsense has taken its toll on them. This game means something for seeding. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 6

 

Dilfs vs Passed Our Prime (EVEN) - As we stated above, if the Dilfs win, they get the 2 seed and date with Bullet Club in the first round. If they lose? Chaos. Passed Our Prime was beaten up without their fearless leader last week, but Hogan should be back and ready to make things interesting against a Dilf’s team that looks to be without an injured Travis Cleavenger-Bernal. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 5

 

Scared Hitless vs The Notorious BNB (+10) - Just because a game means nothing to Scared Hitless, they’re still going to play like it does. D2’s dominant team this season doesn’t want to go into the playoffs taking a “week off”, and the reason they are the top seed is because they treat every game like it's the biggest game of the year. They’re impossible to stop right now. SCARED HITLESS BY 17

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sleezin Szn 22, Itches and Ohs 8

The Untouchaballs 42, Sleezin Szn 25

Frodo Swaggins 37, Show Me Dem TDs 15

Show Me Dem TDs 22, Freeballers 20

Freeballers 34, Buffalo Vice 21

Itches and Ohs 45, 4th & Something 41

 

Sleezin Szn gets a big win, shutting down Itches completely before getting beat up by The Untouchaballs after. Frodo didn’t have Garrett throwing, which means things were easier for the offense as they cruised to a win. Show Me Dem TDs lost to Frodo, but came back to beat up the slumping Freeballers who have been below average since forcing me to apologize to them. As usual, I was right. The Freeballers would then go onto beat a shell of Buffalo Vice, who was missing a ton of people, per my weekly email from Dan. And then Itches and ohs followed the trend of “lose a game, win a game” in D3, finding their offense en route to a win over 4&S. 

 

What’s At Stake: 

 

Another division that has everyone making the playoffs, but there are no bye weeks to be earned here in the TSL Thunderdome this division has become. Anyone can beat anyone just about this time around. The Untouchaballs are the #1 seed and are easily the class of D3. After that, we have a whole bunch of seeding going around. Frodo could lose to Untouchaballs, sending them to 5-4, where a 4&S win over Freeballers, and an Itches win over Vice gives us a 4 way tie for 2nd. Tell me if you’ve heard this before. A Buffalo Vice loss might cause them to tumble to 7th depending on who wins the Sleezin Szn/Show Me game, where the loser of that game is guaranteed to play the buzzsaw that are The Untouchaballs. Chaos, again. Just how Topper likes it. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins (+7) - This game is a big measuring stick for Frodo, because if they get blown out here, it’ll start to creep in their minds yet again that they’re always just the bridesmaids, but never the bride in D3. A win here would be massive, and put some doubt into the uberconfident Untouchaballs. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

 

Freeballers vs 4th & Something (+6) - Freeballers. Guys, what happened? I’m sure there’s a litany of excuses, but as always it starts at the top. The word I’m receiving is that 40 Year Plan Guy is once again focused more on his game at the bar than on the field, and his team is suffering because of it. Meanwhile, this is the time 4&S really starts to get going so they can win a playoff game or two. 4th & SOMETHING BY 8

 

Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice (+7) - A great D4 matchup last season, a great D3 matchup this season. Buffalo Vice is looking to avoid finishing lower in the standings and end up with a harder game next week, meanwhile with a big win Itches could slither up to 2nd overall with some help. This should be interesting. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

 

Sleezin Szn vs Show Me Dem TDs (EVEN) - 2-6 is not what either team envisioned here at this point in the season, but there’s nothing they can do about it now. Both teams have shown flashes of life during the season, especially recently. There’s nothing appetizing about finishing 2-7 and having to play the Untouchaballs next week though. This game is big for both. SLEEZIN SZN BY 8

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Varsity Has Beens 32, Puckett All-Stars 26

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 37, Can't Touch This 33

Zack Attack 47, Today’s Feast 15

Practice Squad 21, XMD 0 (forfeit)

Cunning Stunts 45, Spinelli’s Plumbing 40

TOX 27, Vaspian 14

Varsity Has Beens pick up a HUGE win over Puckett that keeps their playoff hopes alive. ILF shuts down Can’t Touch This and ends their hot streak. Zack Attack figured out offense a bit, walking all over Today’s Feast while shutting them down on defense. The Stunts and Spinelli’s went head to head in a war, with the Stunts just pulling this one out. And TOX gets another win, as Vaspian continues to trend downward this season. 

 

What’s At Stake:

 

Of the 12 teams in this division, only 8 will make the playoffs. That makes for a lot of meaningful games as we head into our final week. Practice Squad has clinched 1st overall, as only the Stunts can catch them in record, but PS won the head to head matchup. So we know that, and we also know that TOX and Today’s Feast are both going to be on the outside looking in for the playoffs. Varsity Has Beens can go 2-0 this weekend to get to 4-5, and XMD can also beat ILF to go to 4-5. Spinellis plays Practice Squad where a loss could put them at 4-5. Zack Attack gets the Stunts that could put them at 4-5. Oh, and Varsity would have to beat Can't Touch This to go 2-0, which would put them at 4-5. If TOX upsets Puckett? You guessed it, they’re 4-5. We could conceivably have 6 teams at 4-5, where two of them would miss the playoffs. Every. Game. Counts. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Can’t Touch This vs Varsity Has Beens (+8) - CTT has been really good since a slow start to the season, and last week just feels like a small hiccup. While a win would have clinched them a playoff spot, instead they have a potential “play in” game this week where Varsity can get a pretty key head to head tiebreaker win here. IF CTT wins, they have nothing to worry about. I think I’m going to trust Ryan to get it done. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 8

 

Puckett All-Stars vs TOX (+7) - TOX has been spry lately, as things seem to be coming together for them just a little too late. But they can still play spoiler against a Puckett team who put themselves into a tougher scenario than they needed to be in this week after the loss to Varsity. A loss to TOX would open them up to missing the playoffs, but this team is known for making it hard for themselves before succeeding. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 9

 

ILF vs XMD (+7) - An unfortunate forfeit last weekend to Practice Squad put XMD on the outside looking in heading into this week. They’re the “They need to win and get some help” team this week, so all they can do is focus on this game, and see where the chips fall. ILF has an outside shot at the #2 seed with a win, but they’ve already clinched a playoff spot. XMD BY 4

 

Cunning Stunts vs Varsity Has Beens (+10) - Here’s the hard part for Varsity’s unlikely run to the playoffs. The Stunts are just superstars in every sense of the word, so not only will it be hard for VHB to beat Can't Touch This, then they have to beat the Stunts just to HOPE things go their way. It’s a tall order, and new teams always struggle with gender teams (Hint: have your guys step out at the 1 and go for girl TDs. Don’t get male TDs). CUNNING STUNTS BY 18

 

Vaspian vs Today’s Feast (+12) - I don’t know what’s happened to Vaspian, arguably the coldest team in the league right now. But, Today’s Feast is a great remedy for them to shake it off and get their heads on straight. TF has shown flashes of promise, but a midseason surge kind of fizzled out as of late as they’re running for the bus here. Vaspian gets back on track. VASPIAN BY 10

 

Practice Squad vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+8) - Not quite the end of the season Spinelli’s envisioned before they started to wear their cursed new jerseys. They’re currently in the playoff picture, but they get the best team in the division now, and if they don’t win to clinch a spot, they could be placed into tiebreaker hell with a few other 4-5 teams. They’ll know if they’re in or not before the game starts (VHB and XMD will have played already), so it might not be a “MUST” win, but it very well could be. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 13

 

Cunning Stunts vs Zack Attack (+9) - Zack Attack did this to themselves after a weak middle of the season. Even with things turning around and looking up, they're still fighting for their playoff lives still against a Stunts team that is just very, very good, as we all know. An XMD win coupled with a Zack Attack loss could knock ZA out of the playoffs. That just doesn’t feel right. ZACK ATTACK BY 3

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind 40, Passing While Intoxicated 26

TMA 31, Two Tuddies 0

Tater Tots 44, 716 14

Red Zone Mafia 41, Not So Sticky 23

Red Zone Mafia 34, Cobblestone 14

 

CFB is back into cruise control, winning easily over PWI and looking good heading toward the playoffs. TMA trounced the Tuddies on their way to an easy win. The Tater Tots continue to look very promising with another big win, this time over 716. And Red Zone Mafia went 2-0 on the day, stomping out NSS before getting a pretty big win over Cobblestone in a rivalry game of sorts. 

 

What’s At Stake:

 

Not much. NSS and the Tuddies are guaranteed to play in the game. Everything else is seeding based. TMA and RZM’s seasons are over, so they’re going to stay at 7-2 and 6-3 respectively. The interesting part comes in where Cobblestone could beat 716, and the Tater Tots could beat Come From Behind AND Two Tuddies and we have a three way 7-2 tie, that also pushes RZM into the 4v5 game. If that happens, I believe Cobblestone would end up as the #1 seed (They’re 2-0 against TMA/Tots), with TMA at #2 (they beat the Tots), and Tots at 3. Of course, this is assuming I know the tiebreakers and things work out how they should. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Cobblestone vs 716 (+5) - Darryl Carr QB Superstar has a shot at the #1 seed, which means he’s going to be slinging it all over the place to his players. 716 has been a little off in recent weeks, and while they’re looking to get it together for the playoffs, I’m not sure it’s going to happen. COBBLESTONE BY 12

 

Tater Tots vs Come From Behind (+1) - CFB is slowly becoming that “team nobody wants to play in the playoffs” once again. A less than ideal 1-4 start has been erased, and Paul has been looking great throwing the ball as they get to 4-4. The Tots have overcome a rough start of their own by their standards, losing their QB to injury (and getting a good replacement in Jeff Easton) to go 2-0 against some top teams. The Tots’ defense has been very, very good as well, and they’ll need to be to slow down CFB. COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

 

Tater Tots vs Two Tuddies (+16) - A lot of “T’s” in this one. Try saying “Tater Tots Two Tuddies” five times fast. It’s harder than you think. The Tuddies have been great people to have around this season, but it seems like it's not quite translating to the football field just yet. There’s always next year. TATER TOTS BY 12

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Travis Henry’s Kids 33, Southside 29

Woodpeckers 21, Lettuce Win 0 (forfeit)

Blitzkrieg 30, Lenny’s Ladies 0

 

Travis Henry’s Kids look to not exactly be the slam dunk we thought they were a few weeks ago, as Southside gave them a run for their money this week. Woodpeckers pick up a forfeit win, and Blitzkrieg gets a win over a Lenny’s Ladies team that had trouble holding on to the ball in the endzone last weekend. 

 

What’s At Stake:

 

Everyone makes the playoffs, but two teams get a bye. THK will finish 7-1-1 (as they tie Lenny’s Ladies in a game that can’t be made up) and they’re the clear cut 1 seed. As for the #2 seed, Blitzkrieg currently sits in that position at 4-5, but Southside has two games to get one win to overtake them. The Woodpeckers are sitting at 3-4 with games against Southside and Lenny’s Ladies that could vault them into the #2 seed if they go 2-0. Or, of course, all 4 teams could end up 4-5 and we go to tiebreakers for the bye. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Southside vs Woodpeckers (+7) - Southside has been better as of late, and the ship seems to have righted itself from whatever was going on with them before. The Woodpeckers had their own issues early on, but they’ve also seemed to have corrected those as they’re very competitive. This game should be a good one. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

 

Woodpeckers vs Lenny’s Ladies (+3) - When these two teams last met, they were in the second half of a 9-8 defensive battle before unfortunate circumstances ended the game early. Now they’ll get to meet again to see if they can recreate the offensive ineptitude that was on display early in the season. WOODPECKERS BY 7

 

Southside vs Lettuce Win (+8) - Lettuce Win has had an up and down season, and you just never really know what to expect from this team each week. Going against a locked in Southside isn’t the best thing for them right now, especially since they’ll be going for the bye. SOUTHSIDE BY 19

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      Did you enjoy Lenny and Rameer Day? Our Official TSL Holiday went off without a hitch last week, and everyone had a blast from what I hear. Topper paid bagpipers to follow Dave Walter around, the reggae band was awesome, people really liked getting their own shirts made (including a classic Prim t-shirt Topper came up with). There was free ice cream, the weather was nice, and there was some very good football. Hope you had a blast. 

 

2.      What’s going on in Breakfast Club? The playoffs start this week, with the Liddle Deaks and Steph Infection getting the bye weeks. These two were the class of the league from the start, but with apparently Liddle Deaks losing Deak and Travis to injury in consecutive weeks, and The EsCourts getting an upgrade with Emily Schilling’s return, the BC title picture is as murky as ever. 

 

3.      What ARE the tiebreakers you keep talking about anyway? I’ve said this for years: Topper punches numbers into his very complicated standings machine and it spits out where people end up. I know head to head matters, but once you have 3 and 4 way ties, it gets nuts after that. Don’t worry yourself about the tiebreakers, and just win your games. Control what you can control. 

 

4.      Where are the playoff schedules? Topper ran into an issue last year by releasing the playoff schedule and times really early so we were committed to them, which made moving games around harder. He should be releasing the schedule (at least for Playoff Week 1) soon if he hasn’t already done so. 

 

5.      Is anyone going to slow down the counts? They’re out of hand. The biggest complaints in my inbox as of late have been how ridiculous the counts have been. I know that we have people who have been turning 6 seconds into 2.5 for years now, but it seems like they’re not getting warned enough. Word is the referees are being informed to pay a bit more attention to this this week and in the playoffs. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1.      Breakfast Club Playoff Predictions:

a.      The EsCourts 45, Dominatrix 27

b.      Jennatalia 44, Trish’s Tiny Disasters 43

 

2.      Games Of The Day Schedule:

a.      10:00 - Legends vs Eyes Downtown

b.      11:00 - The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins

c.      12:00 - Freeballers vs 4th & Something

d.      1:00 - Southside vs Woodpeckers

e.      2:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice

f.       3:00 - Sleezin Szn vs Show Me Dem TDs

 

3.      Three teams that have been pretty bad as of late: Vaspian, Bullet Club, and Freeballers. What happened to these teams?

 

4.      Three teams that have been pretty awesome as of late: Tater Tots, Red Zone Mafia, Come From Behind. And they’re all in D5. That’s going to be a great playoff tournament. 

 

5.      The Wine Tournament is coming! It’s August 13th! Mark your calendars now. Registration will be here before you know it. 

 

6.      Shout out once again to all of the people that are refereeing and stepping up to the plate to help this league stay the best Social Co-Ed Football league of all time. There’s a lot of new names on the ref sheet, which means more and more of you are helping out. Thank you!

 

7.      It’s getting harder and harder to see any of the probable #1 seeds in D2, D3, and D6 lose. On the flip side, it looks like D1, D4, and D5 are all up for grabs, which should make for some very exciting playoff games. 

 

8.      It was exciting to hear about the TSL Hall of Fame being a real thing, with inductions happening at the banquet. I think this will be a really fun way to honor the people who helped make this league what it is today. I think it’s obvious what 2 (maybe 3) people should be on the first ballot. The people who, if not for them, the league wouldn’t even exist today. If you’re not immediately thinking Cookie Monster, B’s Brother and Moh as well, you’re just not in touch with the league anymore. 

 

9.      I’ve been informed that many TSLers are going to be headed down to the EA Music Fest this weekend, to which I can only say be safe and don’t drink and drive! 

 

10.  Finally, with the playoffs coming up, and many teams feeling the pressure this week of potentially not making them at all, combined with some brand new refs who are helping out, remember to not lose your mind on a potential bad call and to keep your cool. We don’t need another #Travisty on our hands. Be kind to each other. 

 

It’s bittersweet to already be at the end of the TSL Spring season, it feels like we just started. The weather looks like it’ll be perfect, so get out there and enjoy yourself. 

 

Next week, the Race begins. 

 

-GF OUT

Week 7 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 27 May 2022 10:30
Published: Friday, 27 May 2022 10:30
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 57

 

Sorry Freeballers, my bad.

 

Okay, with that nonsense out of the way, Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’re heading into the final stretch of the preseason for the Race To Social Co-Ed Football Immortality! This is historically a “wacky” week in the TSL because when Memorial Day weekend comes, weird things happen. Most of that is attributed to the fact that a good chunk of the league will be out of town on vacations and whatnot, so it's impossible for anyone (besides myself, of course) to predict what is going to happen. 

 

Alright fine, I owe the Freeballers a *little* more than that. I owe them a “you’re welcome”. I’m very clearly the magical inspiration that brings this team together. My words poofed whatever a Jake Valley is into existence. I made 40 Year Plan Guy play some of his best football ever (if we had Madden ratings, he’d be up to a 72!). My words somehow cause a renaissance for Talia and Jessie. And let’s not even talk about the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde experience that is the D2 vs D3 version of Dylan. The rest of them are just average dudes so I don’t know their names. Rachel Grampp is legit though. Your big wins? I did that. And you’re welcome. 

 

But also, it’s good to see a team come together and succeed. These guys and gals have been at it for a while and based off the emails I’ve received, and the messages sent my way on the podcast, it’s clear that they play for each other. The best teams in this league do. I didn’t think there was any way in hell that they’d pull off a huge 2-0 week last week, and they did it. How you ask? Well first off, I forgot that whatever team the Keller’s/Scotty Dro put together are paper tigers who look tough for 4 games and then fall of the face of the Earth. Right on cue, when I needed them most, they vanished. And then unfortunately, the sun was very clearly in Jeremy Burr’s eyes, and I can’t predict that type of stuff. So, they owe a shout out to “the sun” as well. Jokes aside, congrats Freeballers. I’m sorry I doubted you. 

 

But I look forward to betting against you in the playoffs. 

 

Speaking of interesting times in the TSL, did anyone see this “Best Males in the League” list? I know I haven’t been at the fields consistently for years, but it feels like just about everyone on that list hasn’t done anything of note. Look at this: 

 

Sean - What has this guy done besides be really athletic? He’s like that guy you take off the board early in fantasy leagues because he SHOULD be good, but in reality, he ends up as the 10th best WR overall. His teams are under performing. How is he #1? 

 

Boccio - This is a good pick, if it were three years ago. This is just a shell of the performer we all used to love. He misses games now, and he looks as though he’s only playing on the team because Diana told him he had to just so Travis would shut up and stop asking. 

 

Derek - Tight Ends In Motion is 1-5. Just because you’re tall and handsome doesn’t mean you’re a top player in the TSL. Look at Topper. 

 

Adrian - Thank god they didn’t take QB play into account here. 

 

Chris Nelson - What’s the point of #FreeingChrisNelson when he doesn’t do shit on the fields if he even shows up at all? Someone misses D4, I’m sure. 

 

Stoner Dave - Oh, the ACTUAL top player on TEIM appears on the list. 

 

Nick Voss - What the hell is a Nick Voss? Seems like a sneaky good pick. Guys with short names always are.

 

Kyle Conniff - Get real. The only thing that disappeared faster than the days of Kyle controlling a D1/D2 game has been his hair. 

 

Drew Colosimo - We get it, he’s tall. Hampered by Topper, probably. 

 

Andy Smegma - Couldn’t make the NFL, couldn’t make Cobblestone (which is like an NFL practice squad at times) and is somehow the 4th best player on a team that’s 1-5 that also has 4 “Top 10” players? THEY’RE 1-5. I’m assuming all of TEIM voted on this list. 

 

Eric Delecki - Finally, someone good. 

 

Dave Baker - Oh, a FIFTH TEIM player in the Top 12? One for every loss this season. We’re not even sure he’s the Best Baker in the league anymore, much less a Top 20 player. 

 

JOHNNY F’N FOOTBALL - TOP 3. ANYTHING LESS IS A JOKE. 

 

Kevin Zack - There is nothing bad to be said about this man. He deserves to be higher. 

 

Keyon Elias - Who? Oh, Hogan’s Sidekick. 

 

Travis Cleavenger-Bernal - TCB is a lot of things, but he’s the 5th best option on his own team, so a Top 20 WR isn’t it. I’d say his defense got him on this list, but I’ve seen him play safety so that’s out. And it sure as hell ain’t because of his time management skills. 

 

Ron Webber - Absolutely yes. Just a class act on and off the field. 

 

Mike Rawdin - He’s just a discount Anthony Deak, and Deak shouldn’t be on this list either. They got that much right. 

 

Matt Helm - This is apparently the guy who makes the Untouchaballs good. JK, everyone knows that’s Melanie and Burr. But sure. 

 

George Lombardo - Isn’t this the guy that wasn’t very good in D5? Feels more like he’s having a career year than it being a consistent thing. 

 

Pete Wallbrandt - The biggest fish in the smallest, D6 pond. Get in a real division and let’s see where you stand. 

 

Well, there you have it TSL, your “Top 20” males, allegedly. It’s clear the only people who voted for this list are all of TEIM with a sprinkling of others in there.

 

Is this the best we can do as a league? I know that not nearly enough people vote, but are we that low on talent that this is our actual Top 20? I think we had way too many people overlooked. This is yet again a prime example of what happens when TSLers don’t participate. We get this nonsense. I’m surprised Topper didn’t make the list based off of his one catch in Breakfast Club last weekend. Maybe we can do better, maybe we can’t. It’s worth trying.

 

With that said, let’s get to the games! 

 

D1/D2: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 35, Legends 34

Eyes Downtown 28, Tight Ends In Motion 16

 

I’m combining D1/D2 simply because we have a lot of crossover games this week, so it’s a little weird on how to format that. Anyway, D1 shows the Sticky Nation rising up and taking down the Legends in a pretty fun comeback win that has the world wondering if the Legends have the QB to win it all this year. Meanwhile, Eyes Downtown keeps on rolling as they valiantly defeat “5 of the Top 12 guys in the league” TEIM. 

 

Scared Hitless 42, When Dove Cries 20

DILFs 41, The Notorious BNB 14

 

Not a ton of D2 action last week, but we saw Scared Hitless regain their momentum after a bad week, and the Dilfs put a beatdown on BNB to really stake their claim at a D2 title. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

D1/D2 Crossover Edition: 

 

Sticky Bandits vs The Notorious BNB (+6) - What a fun story line! The Sticky Bandits vs the Sticky Bandits rejects that got left behind for not being “good enough” for Jeff Krol’s vision of a D1 team. Sticky is thriving, so it’s hard to imagine things going BNB’s way, but if anyone knows how to beat Sticky, it’s going to be BNB. UPSET TIME. THE NOTORIOUS BNB BY 1. 

 

Dilfs vs Tight Ends In Motion (+6) - Yeah, TEIM is so far removed from being a good team (I imagine the texts flying out to Robin, Katie’s doctor to let her come back early, and trying to convince Emily it’s really okay to play football pregnant) that they aren’t even favored. It’s not hard to see why. Dilfs have been pretty good as of late. DILFS BY 3

 

Legends vs When Dove Cries (+10) - I’d want nothing more than Topper to dial it back to 1987 or whenever it was that he was last in shape, and just drop Dimes all over the Legends. But sadly, WDC is in the middle of an off year, and the Legends need a win, which I never expected to really say until now. LEGENDS BY 16

 

Eyes Downtown vs Bullet Club (+20) - I’d make this line higher, but I’ll expect Bobby to slow things down in the second half so that nobody gets hurt for ED’s “real games” they’ll have to play in the future. A week off might’ve helped BC but playing arguably the hottest team in D1 isn’t the best test for that. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 24

 

D2:

 

Passed Our Prime vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+3) - Grey Hair has been improving each week, and with POP seemingly missing games every other week (seriously, who has 4 byes in a 9 week season?) give me the team that’s getting their reps in. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 8

 

Scared Hitless vs When Dove Cries (+10) - The miracle of wine and scheduling give us a rematch one week removed from an easy SH win. Everyone is well aware of how good the SH girls are, and for WDC and their new group of ladies, it’s a complete mismatch. SCARED HITLESS BY 17

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

4th And Something 47, Sleazing Szn 46

Buffalo Vice 41, Show Me Dem TDs 15

Freeballers 47, 4th And Something 0

Freeballers 42, The Untouchaballs 34

 

The reign of the Freeballers as the D3 championship favorites has begun. They went 2-0 (as my apology from earlier stated) against their best competition. Now, this doesn’t guarantee them anything, as I’m sure they’re aware that The Untouchaballs are coming for them. Should make for some good football. Speaking of fun, remember when Andy Clark left Buffalo Vice for “greener pastures”? Well, instead, he got a beat down put on him courtesy of his old mates. And in the other matchup, 4th and Something slipped by Sleezin Szn, who just can’t quite get it done this season. It feels like they could use a veteran player or two to help them out. Hmm. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Freeballers vs Sleezin Szn (+7) - Logically, based off last week, Freeballers should win this games 48-0. But let’s be real here. Sleezin can play, but they just haven’t learned how to finish. Historically, once a team hits the highest of highs, they can look at an 0-4 opponent and underestimate them. They’re going to think I’m just being salty, but I’m actually inspiring another victory for Freeballers with this: SLEEZIN SZN BY 14

 

The Untouchaballs vs Buffalo Vice (+6) - The TSL’s top 2 women face off in a battle for the ages. Buffalo Vice hasn’t lost since Dan started emailing me weekly, and news flash: He did it again. Caitlyn vs Melanie, Burr vs Seth, Helm vs Gonzalez/Pizza. It’s going to be a fun one. Both teams have been hot, and this is a game of the week for sure. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 3

 

Sleezin Szn vs Show Me Dem TDs (EVEN) - Two 0-4 teams come stumbling into this week’s matchup. One of them will more than likely get their first win, but who? Honestly, this is a tale of two different 0-4 teams. SMDTDs feels discombobulated, and nothing is clicking. Sleezin just feels like if a few plays go differently, they could be 3-1. Which means: SLEEZIN SZN BY 7

 

Frodo Swaggins vs 4th And Something (+6) - Garrett vs Scotty in what can only be considered Must See TV for the smack talking alone. Frodo has been consistent. 4th And Something is starting a hell of a slide. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3 ON THE LAST PLAY

 

Itches and Ohs vs Show Me Dem TDs (+10) - Quite the slow, quiet start for Itches and Ohs this season, but now that the hyper accomplished ladies have put school behind them (congrats!) it’s time to really focus on football. The season starts now for Itches and Ohs, and they got a good, soft opponent to whoop on to get it going. ITCHES AND OHS BY 19

 

D4: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

Can’t Touch This 43, Today’s Feast 12

Cunning Stunts 50, XMD 20

Zack Attack 18, Vaspian 12

ILF 36, Varsity Has Beens 33

Practice Squad 45, Cunning Stunts 25

XMD 26, TOX 14

Puckett All-Stars 30, Spinelli’s Plumbing 23

 

So much D4 action last week! Can’t Touch This drops another big win, this time over Today’s Feast, who got feasted on. The Stunts smacked around XMD before getting smacked by Practice Squad themselves. XMD rebounded from their Stunts loss to beat TOX in a close one. Zack Attack handed Vaspian their first loss of the season in an 18-12 barnburner that was a true battle of the defense. ILF snuck out an incredibly important victory over Varsity Has Beens that would’ve truly put them behind the 8-ball in terms of making the playoffs. And finally, Spinelli’s go to 0-3 since getting some awful new jerseys that have been very clearly cursed, dropping a close one to Puckett, who’s been awesome lately. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Can’t Touch This vs XMD (+7) - I’m not sure I’d be here making CTT a favorite, but here we are. Ryan Dougherty might be my new favorite TSLer. He sent me a VERY fired up email that his team should no longer be disrespected and the completely unfair schedule the EVIL Lord Topper gave them only made them stronger. “Topper must be sick watching our success now.” I love it. I love him. I love the fire. If this team has some talented males and an alcoholic attractive girl or two, this team has ALL of the makings of a TSL favorite. Welcome to the league Ryan, you’ve finally arrived. CANT TOUCH THIS BY 18

 

Varsity Has Beens vs TOX (+6) - A lot of things on the line here, believe it or not. First off, despite what the media tells you, TOX can still make the playoffs. But it’s imperative they win 3 of their 4 games. And a loss to VHB will put them behind them in the tiebreakers, and potentially end the season early. VHB had a big win against ILF taken from them last week. They were so close! They HAVE to win this one to sneak into the playoffs. VARSITY HAS BEENS BY 2

 

ILF vs TOX (+10) - TOX’s “yeah we have to win” games continue right here against ILF, who has been shaky at best. ILF can get to 4-3 with a win here, and considering we have a lot of 3-3 teams, a loss would be devastating. ILF BY 2

 

Vaspian vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+3) - Vaspian finally tasted defeat last week, so they’re looking to get back into the win column asap. Spinelli’s has been looking to get into the win column ever since they first put on their awful new jerseys, which again are very clearly cursed. If Spinelli’s wises up and wears black again, they’ll win. If they’re stubborn and keep these rags, they’ll lose. I think they’ll be stubborn. VASPIAN BY 8

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Today’s Feast (+7) - Today’s Feast had been showing signs of life before getting mauled last week. Puckett has been maulers for weeks now. It’s a bad combo for TF, that’s for certain. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 19

 

Practice Squad vs Zack Attack (+10) - Practice Squad arrived for real last week with a big win over the Cunning Stunts. Now they get a Zack Attack team that just took down the top team in the division. PS has a real shot at the division’s #1 seed, but they have to win this one. They boast the top point differential as well. Scoring against ZA will be difficult, but not impossible. At the end of the day, they’ve got B’s Brother’s Brother throwing for them and that may be all they need. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Come From Behind 42, Two Tuddies 16

Cobblestone 24, Not So Sticky 0

TMA 28, 716 22

Tater Tots 25, Red Zone Mafia 20

716 19, Red Zone Mafia 6

 

Come From Behind continues to get it together, easily dispatching the Tuddies. Cobblestone continues to rock and roll in the league, shutting out Not So Sticky. 716 goes 1-1 on the day, losing a hard fought battle to TMA but they got to get into the win column with a victory over the Red Zone Mafia, who ended up 0-2 on the day as the Tater Tots brought Jeff Easton out of retirement to QB them to a victory. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

716 vs Passing While Intoxicated (+8) - 716 isn’t getting quite the love they should be this year, but they’ve been scoring a lot, and playing really good defense. PWI isn’t quite on this level yet. 716 by 7

 

Two Tuddies vs Not So Sticky (EVEN) - These teams are going to tie again, aren’t they? The Tuddies have their best shot at win this season, and I think they’re going to get it! TWO TUDDIES BY 1

 

D6: 

 

Last Week’s Games: 

 

Blitzkrieg 44, Woodpeckers 14

Travis Henry’s Kids 65, Southside 14

Lettuce Win 34, Lenny’s Ladies 25

 

Blitzkrieg remembered how to play football and beat up on the Woodpeckers. THK really, really wanted to get some revenge and just simply poured it on a Southside team that has apparently gone through another roster reconstruction after the team bailed. Lettuce Win took a fun game from Lenny’s Ladies as well. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Blitzkrieg vs Woodpeckers (+10) - Not much to say here. BK just blew the Peckers out, kind of hard to not see history repeat itself. BLITZKRIEG BY 15

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Woodpeckers (+17) - THK is just burying the division and that’s not even fun anymore. At this point, with only 9 teams in D5, we should just bump them up to play in the D5 playoff tournament after the season. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 30

 

Lettuce Win vs Lenny’s Ladies (+10) - Another rematch from last week, although I believe the Ladies will have Joe K back instead of George throwing for them, which means things are only going to get worse for them. LETTUCE WIN BY 20

 

Blitzkrieg vs Southside (+10) - I don’t know much about the new new look Southside, but it didn’t look great against THK. Blitzkrieg is finding their game at the right time though, and this could be a big 2-0 week. BLITZKRIEG BY 12

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1.      Who’s Winning Breakfast Club? As I said last week, I’d have more in depth chatter about this this week. Now that everyone has played each other once, it seems like the Liddle Deaks and Jennatalia are headed towards an awesome BC final. They just standout over the others. 

 

2.      Could we actually put THK in the D5 playoffs? It’s Topper, so anything is possible. D5 only has 9 teams, so putting THK as the 10 seed could give us a fun 7-10 and 8-9 opening round to get into the playoffs there. It would definitely add some fun and intrigue. I can already hear Prim complaining, and he didn’t even read this yet. 

 

3.      Why aren’t the Legends dominating? You’d like to think that they would be, given their talent. The rumor mill this week has been all about how horrible Joey Batts is, and he’s the problem there. All of this, of course, is false. Joey Batts is one of the best QBs to ever do it. The issues clearly are with a shoddy defense, and these overrated receivers running the wrong routes. 

 

4.      Are you ready for Lenny and Rameer Day? I can’t stress enough how much fun June 4th will be at the fields. Topper has already told me that he has a band, and the dunk tank. Now Thurman Thomas is going to be there. He claims he’ll get drink specials! Once again, if you’re ever going to stay at the fields all day and have fun, this is the time to do it. 

 

5.      Who could use a win more than ever this week? Well, our winless teams for sure. Bullet Club and Sleezin Szn stand out more than the others. But with Two Tuddies taking on Not So Sticky, we’ll get one team their first win (unless they tie again), and Sleezin is taking on Show Me Dem TDs so TWO teams should get their first wins this year. TOX has a very winnable game against Varsity Has Beens as well. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY: 

 

1.      It’s supposed to rain in the morning, so get prepared for the mud and the fun that comes with that. Here’s hoping the grass is cut. 

 

2.      Here are the best games to watch this week: 

a.      10:00 - Dilfs vs Tight Ends In Motion

b.      11:00 - Passed Our Prime vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

c.      12:00 - Buffalo Vice vs The Untouchaballs

d.      1:00 - Two Tuddies vs Not So Sticky

e.      2:00 - 4th And Something vs Frodo Swaggins

f.       3:00 - Zack Attack vs Practice Squad

 

3.      Breakfast Club predictions:

a.      Liddle Deaks 50, Dominatrix 14

b.      Jennatalia 37, The EsCourts 20

c.      Steph Infection 43, Trish’s Tiny Disasters 37

 

4.      Shoutout to Jordan Lawson for coming in to referee for us. It’s always telling when the first thing someone does when the minor leagues close to run right back to where they should be. You know he’s looking at D2 right now thinking he could’ve won that title again. See you in the Fall. 

 

5.      I’m really enjoying listening to the podcast on Spotify now. It’s much easier for sure. If you have Spotify, search “Topper Sports Report” and subscribe. We need more new guests though, last week’s show felt too quick. 

 

6.      The three hottest teams in the TSL: Freeballers, Practice Squad, Sticky Bandits

 

7.      The three teams I would bet on having a fantastic next few weeks: Itches and Ohs, Grey Hair Don’t Care, Puckett All-Stars

 

8.      The three most fun teams in the TSL currently: Can’t Touch This, Travis Henry’s Kids, Cobblestone

 

9.      The three most disappointing teams in the TSL currently: Legends, Tight Ends In Motion, Bullet Club

 

10.  Early MVP votes: D1: Bobby McConnell, D2: Jonny Football, D3: Jeremy Burr, D4: Brandon “B” Ford, D5: Darryl Carr, D6: Pete Wallbrandt. But again, it’s early. 

 

Enjoy the last week of TSL football in May, as always email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to whine about whatever I said (or actually support your team), be nice to Jeff May, buy B’s Brother a drink (on Topper’s tab), vote on these power rankings lists so they aren’t terrible, and have a fantastic Memorial Day! 

 

-GF OUT

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