Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, are you ready? I said ARE. YOU. READYYYY? We’ve made it. On Saturday, October 11th in the Year of Our Lord 2025 the TSL Universe will descend upon the Leonard T. Alba III Fields behind the Rose Garden with only one thought in their minds: Immortality. After 8 grueling weeks of competition to determine seeding for today, our TSL brothers and sisters will step to the starting line as the Race for Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality begins.
This is what you worked for. This is why you put in those extra training sessions. This is why you cut your friends to make your roster better. This is why you’re already side-eyeing some others on your team to wonder “Are we asking them back?” OR “Do I want to come back to this?”. The drive to be the best, to get your picture taken, to make your teammates get random tattoos on their bodies, to beat those jerks on that team you don’t like; that’s why you’re here. There WILL be hard fought battles. There WILL be absolute blowouts. There WILL be upsets you didn’t see coming. There WILL be at least one, maybe two Kieta blowups (but which one?). Over the next two weeks, when the smoke clears, 6 TSL teams will stand tall, and they will be the Undisputed best Social Co-Ed Touch Football teams not just in the area, not just in the state, but the WORLD.
Despite how confident you’re feeling, things will more than likely NOT go to plan for you. There will be missed throws. There will be easy catches dropped. There will be touchdowns by players you thought you didn’t have to worry about. There will be unexpected injuries. There will be players cracking under the pressure as they want to be the very best, like no one ever was. There will be teams shorthanded because Billy, Ronnie, and Susie had to go to Fall Fest instead. There will be sub requests denied because you didn’t prepare properly for this moment. Most of the TSL will be sad when this is all over, trying to talk themselves into how its okay they lost because it was a good game or “Man, if one or two plays went a different way, we would’ve won” (and then they tell everyone they see about those plays 15-20 times before they leave the fields).
But that’s why Playoff Saturday is one of the best sports days of the year. It’s just as good as the first two days of March Madness. The playoffs never go chalk. There will be upsets. There could very well be overtime games (more than likely in the first round of D6, so everyone who plays at 2:00 has to wait even longer and Jeff Krol will pull out all of his hair as we get way behind schedule). This is going to be one of the most exciting days of the year. There’s only one question that really remains:
Will you survive?
(The following Vegas Odds were based off of 10,000 simulations that B’s Brother put into Madden ‘26 and ran for us. All of the rankings are based on the division, not the league, except of course for the super secret Topper TSL Ranking system only he still knows about.)
Legends:
Legends — 2-1
Contenders:
Eyes Downtown — 5-1
Sticky Bandits — 7-1
Pretenders:
Frodo Swaggins — 14-1
What a Dump — 28-1
Mavericks — 75-1
Unit Ha Ha — 166-1
Freeballers — 232-1
Times Won In 10,000 B’s Brother Madden Simulations:
Legends — 5,069
Eyes Downtown — 2,220
Sticky Bandits — 1,378
Frodo Swaggins — 701
What a Dump — 378
Mavericks — 152
Unit Ha Ha — 59
Freeballers — 43
The Story: The Legends just keep Legending, as they’ve had little to no trouble with anyone this season. Honestly, if they didn’t exist, we’d have a pretty exciting and competitive playoffs to watch between the other teams. But the story becomes “Who can beat the Legends?”, as it usually does. The last time they felt this dominant was in the fall of 2023. Fun fact, they lost that title to Eyes Downtown. Right now ED feels like the only team with a shot at taking them down, and chances are they won’t. Sticky has a chance, but they’ve been bitten by the injury bug a bit too much this season, and they hadn’t had Mike Thomas nearly as much this season, which has resulted in a few more losses.
#1 LEGENDS (8-0-0) VS #8 FREEBALLERS (1-7-0)
PF: Legends 43.00 (1st) – Freeballers 23.25 (8th)
PA: Legends 22.00 (1st) – Freeballers 37.62 (6th)
SOS: Legends .420 (8th) – Freeballers .578 (1st)
TSL Rank: Legends 2nd – Freeballers 44th
Past Games: Legends 31-30
Line: Legends (-18)
I’m pretty sure the Legends played their second stringers in the earlier 31-30 win. The Freeballers took a step back this season, so another year of an amazing upset seems VERY unlikely. LEGENDS BY 20
#2 EYES DOWNTOWN (6-2-0) VS #7 MAVERICKS (3-5-0)
PF: Eyes Downtown 37.75 (3rd) – Mavericks 29.88 (5th)
PA: Eyes Downtown 26.12 (2nd) – Mavericks 37.62 (6th)
SOS: Eyes Downtown .422 (7th) – Mavericks .516 (3rd)
TSL Rank: Eyes Downtown 8th – Mavericks 37th
Past Games: Eyes Downtown 36-32
Line: Eyes Downtown (-10)
Eyes Downtown has had a pretty nice season overall, but they still seem a step behind where they need to be to beat the Legends. They get a Mavericks team who’s built a bit of an identity on winning games they “shouldn’t” in the playoffs as of late. The Mavs still need things to go a little perfectly for them, but as the 4 point loss earlier in the season shows, they can hang here. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 2
#3 STICKY BANDITS (4-4-0) VS #6 UNIT HA HA (3-5-0)
PF: Sticky Bandits 38.75 (2nd) – Unit Ha Ha 25.50 (7th)
PA: Sticky Bandits 32.88 (5th) – Unit Ha Ha 40.25 (8th)
SOS: Sticky Bandits .484 (5th) – Unit Ha Ha .578 (1st)
TSL Rank: Sticky Bandits 25th – Unit Ha Ha 33rd
Past Games: Sticky Bandits 51-18
Line: Sticky Bandits (-10)
Sticky limped to the finish line like no other team did this season, and what was once a promising season early on now has a few question marks. But that’s for next week. They played Unit Ha Ha very recently and absolutely torched them. HAHA doesn’t have the horses to keep up on offense or defense, but it was still a good first season for them. STICKY BANDITS BY 17
#4 WHAT A DUMP (3-4-1) VS #5 FRODO SWAGGINS (3-4-1)
PF: What a Dump 27.75 (6th) – Frodo Swaggins 35.57 (4th)
PA: What a Dump 29.25 (3rd) – Frodo Swaggins 32.71 (4th)
SOS: What a Dump .500 (4th) – Frodo Swaggins .429 (6th)
TSL Rank: What a Dump 29th – Frodo Swaggins 30th
Past Games: What a Dump 28-27 | Tie 22-22
Line: Frodo Swaggins (-2)
These two teams meet for the third time this season, where we’ve already seen a 1 point win for WAD and a tie. This is shaping up to be quite a matchup that has Game of the Day potential. Perhaps overtime is on the way this time? FRODO SWAGGINS BY 1
Contenders:
Jabronies — 3-1
Passing While Intoxicated — 3-1
The Malones — 5-1
Can’t Touch This:
Can’t Touch This — 9-1
Pretenders:
Scared Hitless — 48-1
Grey Hair – Don’t Care — 100-1
Times Won In 10,000 B’s Brother Madden Simulations:
Jabronies — 3,508
Passing While Intoxicated — 3,417
The Malones — 1,150
Can’t Touch This — 989
Scared Hitless — 246
Grey Hair - Don’t Care — 690
The Story: The rise of the new contenders is the biggest theme of D2 as The Jabronies added some real firepower and PWI got such a face lift that you can’t fully recognize them anymore. Both of these teams are quite on fire, and with that they earned the byes, leaving the usual suspects (The Malones, Can’t Touch This) in the dust. Scared Hitless and Grey Hair are a little behind the pack, but what we’re getting is a pretty interesting 4 team playoff with a potentially spry 5th that COULD do some damage if things go right.
#3 THE MALONES (5-3-0) VS #6 GREY HAIR - DON’T CARE (0-8-0)
PF: The Malones 37.50 (2nd) – Grey Hair - Don’t Care 21.12 (6th)
PA: The Malones 34.12 (4th) – Grey Hair - Don’t Care 39.25 (6th)
SOS: The Malones .547 (2nd) – Grey Hair - Don’t Care .594 (1st)
TSL Rank: The Malones 19th – Grey Hair - Don’t Care 47th
Past Games: The Malones 39-29
Line: The Malones (-11)
The Malones did everything they could to not get a bye week, and they achieved that goal over the last few weeks of the season, losing enough games to let PWI slide on through to the bye. Perhaps they just wanted to play more football? GHDC might have won more simulations than Scared Hitless, yet have way worse odds, but it just doesn’t matter here. They’ve been running for the bus just to get to the offseason for a couple of weeks now. THE MALONES BY 13
#4 CAN’T TOUCH THIS (4-4-0) VS #5 SCARED HITLESS (3-5-0)
PF: Can’t Touch This 34.50 (4th) – Scared Hitless 29.75 (5th)
PA: Can’t Touch This 25.88 (1st) – Scared Hitless 39.00 (5th)
SOS: Can’t Touch This .438 (5th) – Scared Hitless .469 (4th)
TSL Rank: Can’t Touch This 23rd – Scared Hitless 38th
Past Games: Scared Hitless 25-19 | Can’t Touch This 44-6
Line: Can’t Touch This (-9)
Scared Hitless feels like they’re THIS close to popping off, but they really haven’t hit their potential yet this season. If anything, they’re planting seeds for the Spring. Can’t Touch This went from top favorites to afterthoughts after a rough start to the season, but since then they’ve found their, ahem, touch. Top defense in the division and peaking at the right time? Hmm. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 14
Contenders:
Wanderers — 3-1
Bullet Club — 4-1
Interdimensional Lightning Falcons — 7-1
Cunning Stunts — 7-1
D-Generation X Y and Z — 11-1
Buffalo Vice — 18-1
Practice Squad — 20-1
GirthQuakes:
GirthQuakes — 131-1
Times Won In 10,000 B’s Brother Madden Simulations:
Wanderers — 3,590
Bullet Club — 2,716
Cunning Stunts — 1,455
Interdimensional Lightning Falcons — 1,210
D-Generation X Y and Z — 709
Buffalo Vice — 574
Practice Squad — 399
GirthQuakes — 347
The Story: There isn’t a name on this list that would shock the TSL to its foundation if they were named D3 champions. Except the GirthQuakes. But then again, their only win is against the Wanderers. So who knows anything? Bullet Club is a #2 seed with a negative point differential, ILF has fit right in in D3, the Stunts just score a crap ton of points, DXYZ has that veteran savvy, Buffalo Vice has boom or bust potential, and Practice Squad has Playoff B. Good luck trying to figure this one out.
#1 WANDERERS (6-2-0) VS #8 GIRTHQUAKES (1-7-0)
PF: Wanderers 40.88 (2nd) – GirthQuakes 22.00 (8th)
PA: Wanderers 34.75 (5th) – GirthQuakes 39.38 (8th)
SOS: Wanderers .484 (5th) – GirthQuakes .562 (1st)
TSL Rank: Wanderers 10th – GirthQuakes 45th
Past Games: GirthQuakes 35-33
Line: Wanderers (-12)
You’re reading that correctly, the GirthQuakes actually beat the Wanderers this season. They struggle on offense, and on defense, but for some reason they can give the Wanderers a tough matchup. However, this feels more like an anomaly than anything, and now they don’t have the element of surprise this time. The Wanderers will be ready for them. Right? WANDERERS BY 3
#2 BULLET CLUB (5-3-0) VS #7 PRACTICE SQUAD (3-5-0)
PF: Bullet Club 28.62 (6th) – Practice Squad 25.38 (7th)
PA: Bullet Club 30.88 (3rd) – Practice Squad 32.38 (4th)
SOS: Bullet Club .469 (7th) – Practice Squad .516 (3rd)
TSL Rank: Bullet Club 13th – Practice Squad 36th
Past Games: Practice Squad 23-14
Line: Bullet Club (-2)
Practice Squad took care of business against Bullet Club not too long ago, and NOW they get Playoff B throwing for them? Seems unfair, but it just feels like we’re going to have a very close game, and Bullet Club is 5-0 in one score games. They have a slightly better offense and defense, which is why they’re favored, but this game should be a pick ‘em. I expect a close game. BULLET CLUB BY 2
#3 INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS (5-3-0) VS #6 BUFFALO VICE (3-5-0)
PF: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 32.50 (5th) – Buffalo Vice 37.50 (3rd)
PA: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 26.50 (2nd) – Buffalo Vice 36.62 (6th)
SOS: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons .438 (8th) – Buffalo Vice .531 (2nd)
TSL Rank: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 16th – Buffalo Vice 31st
Past Games: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 34-30
Line: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (-3)
Buffalo Vice comes in as a spry #6 seed, and they may be a bit better than their record reflects. They can score in bunches, and have talent all over the field. ILF came into D3 with a decent start and while the 5-3 record is impressive, they also had the advantage of getting the GQs twice. If you remove those two games, they’re averaging a negative PD as well. If Andy Clark is on… BUFFALO VICE BY 3
#4 CUNNING STUNTS (5-3-0) VS #5 D-GENERATION X Y AND Z (4-4-0)
PF: Cunning Stunts 44.88 (1st) – D-Generation X Y and Z 32.62 (4th)
PA: Cunning Stunts 37.75 (7th) – D-Generation X Y and Z 26.12 (1st)
SOS: Cunning Stunts .516 (3rd) – D-Generation X Y and Z .484 (5th)
TSL Rank: Cunning Stunts 18th – D-Generation X Y and Z 24th
Past Games: Cunning Stunts 52-47
Line: EVEN
The best offense in the division takes on the best defense in the division in a classic 4-5 matchup. Granted, defense didn’t matter in the 99 points they combined for in their meeting this year. The Stunts pretty much need one stop to win this one, but there’s no guarantee they can get it. DXYZ has the ability to pull this one out, but there’s no guarantee they can do it. Go watch this one if you’re at the fields. CUNNING STUNTS BY 4
Contenders:
Two Tuddies — 2-1
Puckett All-Stars — 4-1
Just On the Outside:
PowerPuff Girls — 8-1
Mike’s Detailing — 10-1
Pretenders:
Ready to Retire — 15-1
Come from Behind — 29-1
Cobblestone — 93-1
Times Won In 10,000 B’s Brother Madden Simulations:
Two Tuddies — 5,245
Puckett All-Stars — 2,268
PowerPuff Girls — 883
Mike’s Detailing — 729
Ready to Retire — 469
Come from Behind — 294
Cobblestone — 112
The Story: The Two Tuddies sold their souls or something to absolutely dominate this season. Or everything went their way. They have a VERY game Puckett All-Stars nipping at their heels, and in the playoffs they tend to go up another level. The PPGs had a rough go of it, but word is that was “we didn’t have Kyle a lot” related. Mike’s Detailing looms as a threat as well, while Ready To Retire, Come From Behind, and Cobblestone all had seasons to forget.
#2 PUCKETT ALL-STARS (6-2-0) VS #7 COBBLESTONE (0-8-0)
PF: Puckett All-Stars 27.00 (4th) – Cobblestone 19.43 (7th)
PA: Puckett All-Stars 20.50 (2nd) – Cobblestone 38.57 (7th)
SOS: Puckett All-Stars .531 (3rd) – Cobblestone .643 (1st)
TSL Rank: Puckett All-Stars 9th – Cobblestone 48th
Past Games: Puckett All-Stars 34-12
Line: Puckett All-Stars (-13)
The Cobblestone reunion didn’t go too well this year. Although they DID have players for every game, so that's an improvement? Puckett’s return to being All-Stars went a lot better as they’ve played really, really well this season. There’s not much to really discuss here otherwise. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 23
#3 POWERPUFF GIRLS (5-3-0) VS #6 COME FROM BEHIND (1-7-0)
PF: PowerPuff Girls 26.00 (5th) – Come from Behind 20.75 (6th)
PA: PowerPuff Girls 27.14 (4th) – Come from Behind 35.00 (6th)
SOS: PowerPuff Girls .482 (5th) – Come from Behind .547 (2nd)
TSL Rank: PowerPuff Girls 21st – Come from Behind 43rd
Past Games: PowerPuff Girls 26-6
Line: PowerPuff Girls (-7)
Something wasn’t clicking for the PPGs when they tend to be a ridiculously talented squad. Unsure if the buzzsaw lost it’s bite, or they’ve just been sharpening it for the playoffs. Like most teams, they’re a different squad without their QB, and getting him back for the playoffs against a team that is without their own gorgeous haired, rocket-armed QB this season is a recipe for disaster for CFB. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 18
#4 MIKE’S DETAILING (4-4-0) VS #5 READY TO RETIRE (4-4-0)
PF: Mike’s Detailing 32.62 (2nd) – Ready to Retire 28.00 (3rd)
PA: Mike’s Detailing 29.12 (5th) – Ready to Retire 27.12 (3rd)
SOS: Mike’s Detailing .484 (4th) – Ready to Retire .469 (6th)
TSL Rank: Mike’s Detailing 22nd – Ready to Retire 26th
Past Games: Mike’s Detailing 45-6
Line: Mike’s Detailing (-1)
Mike’s Detailing is on the outside looking in for the championship here, and they get the hardest matchup for any potential contender because of it. Ready To Retire isn’t a bad team, at all. They’re pretty good on both sides of the ball, but they don’t FEEL like they have the 3rd best offense and defense in the division. At the end of the day, that 45-6 score looms large in my mind. MIKE’S DETAILING BY 6
Contenders:
Balls Deep — 2-1
Blitzkrieg — 4-1
Bridget & Quit It — 5-1
Not So Sticky — 9-1
A Little Spicy:
Stir the Sauce — 15-1
Pretenders:
Pit Harade — 21-1
Sausage McMuffins — 41-1
Mo’ Chicken — 203-1
Times Won In 10,000 B’s Brother Madden Simulations:
Balls Deep — 5,140
Blitzkrieg — 1,985
Bridget & Quit It — 1,451
Not So Sticky — 722
Stir the Sauce — 367
Pit Harade — 192
Sausage McMuffins — 115
Mo’ Chicken — 28
The Story: Balls Deep showed up and showed out, being the best team in D5 from start to finish. D4 is in their future regardless, but they’re pretty big favorites to win D5 here. Blitzkrieg (Fall Version) is putting up points like they usually do, but their defense has been suspect, and that can only lead to disappointment. Bridget & Quit It started off pretty hot but they’ve slowed a little the last couple of weeks. Not So Sticky is also there, doing what they always do. Stir The Sauce is kind of stuck in the middle on their own, not too good, not too bad. Pit Harade has been improving as the season has gone on, while the McMuffins have gone the other way. Mo’ Chicken is around too.
#1 BALLS DEEP (7-1-0) VS #8 MO’ CHICKEN (0-7-1)
PF: Balls Deep 39.38 (1st) – Mo’ Chicken 13.00 (8th)
PA: Balls Deep 18.00 (1st) – Mo’ Chicken 32.00 (8th)
SOS: Balls Deep .469 (6th) – Mo’ Chicken .531 (1st)
TSL Rank: Balls Deep 5th – Mo’ Chicken 46th
Past Games: Balls Deep 44-6
Line: Balls Deep (-20)
Balls Deep is the best at everything in the division, Mo’ Chicken is the worst at everything in the division. What else is there to say? BALLS DEEP BY 24
#2 BLITZKRIEG (5-3-0) VS #7 SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS (2-5-1)
PF: Blitzkrieg 33.88 (2nd) – Sausage McMuffins 20.50 (6th)
PA: Blitzkrieg 31.50 (7th) – Sausage McMuffins 29.00 (6th)
SOS: Blitzkrieg .531 (1st) – Sausage McMuffins .469 (6th)
TSL Rank: Blitzkrieg 14th – Sausage McMuffins 40th
Past Games: Blitzkrieg 45-35
Line: Blitzkrieg (-5)
I simply do not understand why these two teams simply can not quit each other. Even in a down year for SMM, they still played BK to a 1 score game. Blitzkrieg’s defense DOES help teams stay in games, but I’m not entirely sure that the McMuffins can score nearly enough to keep pace, similar to the regular season meeting. It would be amazing if SMM can win, but this isn’t the Spring. FALL BLITZKRIEG BY 14
#3 BRIDGET & QUIT IT (5-3-0) VS #6 PIT HARADE (3-5-0)
PF: Bridget & Quit It 31.38 (3rd) – Pit Harade 20.88 (5th)
PA: Bridget & Quit It 22.25 (3rd) – Pit Harade 26.62 (5th)
SOS: Bridget & Quit It .484 (5th) – Pit Harade .531 (1st)
TSL Rank: Bridget & Quit It 15th – Pit Harade 35th
Past Games: Bridget & Quit It 45-22
Line: Bridget & Quit It (-7)
BQUIT took the league by storm a little bit, as the spunky, cannon armed lady came out firing and dicing up defenses. It doesn’t hurt that she’s coached by one of the best QB’s of all time either, and his knowledge in general can help the squad in all D5 scenarios pretty easily. Bobby does give them the mental advantage in any game. PH got together and absorbed some of Vaspian’s finest, but it took a couple of weeks to get it on the same page. They’ve improved every week, as shown by last week’s win over NSS. There’s also rumors Bridget won’t make the game, which changes things no matter what. BRIDGET & QUIT IT BY 7 IF SHE SHOWS, PIT HARADE BY 10 IF SHE DOESN’T.
#4 NOT SO STICKY (5-3-0) VS #5 STIR THE SAUCE (4-4-0)
PF: Not So Sticky 25.88 (4th) – Stir the Sauce 19.25 (7th)
PA: Not So Sticky 20.25 (2nd) – Stir the Sauce 24.50 (4th)
SOS: Not So Sticky .469 (6th) – Stir the Sauce .516 (4th)
TSL Rank: Not So Sticky 17th – Stir the Sauce 28th
Past Games: Stir the Sauce 26-21
Line: Not So Sticky (-5)
Stir The Sauce does hold a win over NSS, but that may have been the highlight of their season. Seriously, that was the most points they scored all year, and their overall lack of an offense will be their downfall. Not So Sticky has three losses this season. Losing to Bridget? Okay makes sense. But STS and Pit Harade show they’re a little inconsistent to say the least. But I can’t imagine them losing to STS twice. NOT SO STICKY BY 7
Contenders:
Flying Balls — 2-1
The Chargers — 2-1
Blue Ballers — 4-1
Pretenders Tier 1:
Irish Giants — 23-1
Intentional Clowning — 54-1
Pretenders Tier 2:
TMA — 269-1
Select — 269-1
Pretenders Tier 3:
Sticky Laces — 624-1
Raw Milkers — 832-1
Three Tuddies — 908-1
Four Tuddies — 3332-1
Puck Bunnies — ∞-1
Times Won In 10,000 B’s Brother Madden Simulations:
Flying Balls — 4,047
The Chargers — 3,372
Blue Ballers — 1,842
Irish Giants — 444
Intentional Clowning — 183
TMA — 36
Select — 29
Raw Milkers — 14
Sticky Laces — 17
Three Tuddies — 13
Four Tuddies — 2
Puck Bunnies — 1
The Story: 12 teams of mayhem was the goal, and that’s what we got from D6 this season. We’ve had two teams in The Chargers and the Flying Balls both show up and dominate this season. The Blue Ballers and the Irish Giants both had really good seasons, even if they’re a bit overshadowed. And then you can just throw the rest of the teams in a blender because that’s essentially what D6 was this season, and it was wild.
#5 INTENTIONAL CLOWNING (5-3-0) VS #12 PUCK BUNNIES (0-8-0)
PF: Intentional Clowning 28.25 (4th) – Puck Bunnies 17.50 (11th)
PA: Intentional Clowning 26.25 (6th) – Puck Bunnies 40.25 (12th)
SOS: Intentional Clowning .500 (5th) – Puck Bunnies .484 (10th)
TSL Rank: Intentional Clowning 20th – Puck Bunnies 49th
Past Games: Intentional Clowning 34-0
Line: Intentional Clowning (-12)
Despite the Puck Bunnies being a feel good story of an all female team, there’s a lot of work to be done with them. Intentional Clowning has been steady all season, there’s next to no chance of an upset here. INTENTIONAL CLOWNING BY 27
#6 TMA (4-4-0) VS #11 STICKY LACES (2-6-0)
PF: TMA 24.75 (7th) – Sticky Laces 21.38 (8th)
PA: TMA 28.12 (8th) – Sticky Laces 27.38 (7th)
SOS: TMA .547 (1st) – Sticky Laces .406 (12th)
TSL Rank: TMA 27th – Sticky Laces 42nd
Past Games: TMA 42-27
Line: TMA (-1)
TMA ended up the 6th seed after a .500 season, but this is where the SOS really comes into play here. TMA played the hardest schedule in D6 this year, which actually means something in this division. It should prove helpful in the playoffs. Sticky Laces has seemed to kind of cruise along this year. They actually have had the easiest D6 schedule, and they were only 2-6. Yikes. TMA BY 13
#7 THREE TUDDIES (3-5-0) VS #10 RAW MILKERS (2-6-0)
PF: Three Tuddies 19.00 (9th) – Raw Milkers 27.12 (5th)
PA: Three Tuddies 30.88 (9th) – Raw Milkers 36.25 (11th)
SOS: Three Tuddies .531 (2nd) – Raw Milkers .531 (2nd)
TSL Rank: Three Tuddies 32nd – Raw Milkers 41st
Past Games: —
Line: Raw Milkers (-1)
These two teams didn’t meet this season, and they’re similar in a lot of ways. They both had hellacious schedules, and as a result they struggled a bit. However, the Raw Milkers have a better offense than the 3Tuds and that’s going to propel them to victory. RAW MILKERS BY 3
#8 SELECT (3-5-0) VS #9 FOUR TUDDIES (3-5-0)
PF: Select 18.38 (10th) – Four Tuddies 14.62 (12th)
PA: Select 23.12 (4th) – Four Tuddies 31.75 (10th)
SOS: Select .500 (5th) – Four Tuddies .484 (10th)
TSL Rank: Select 34th – Four Tuddies 39th
Past Games: —
Line: Select (-6)
It’s astounding that the 4Tudz won 3 games the season averaging just over FOURTEEN points. The Flying Balls just scored 14 points in the time it took you to read that sentence. Select struggles a bit on offense themselves, but they have a lock down defense that may pitch a shutout this week. SELECT BY 6
ROUND 2!
(I’ll be using my predictions here, of course)
#1 THE CHARGERS (7-1-0) VS #10 RAW MILKERS (2-6-0)
PF: The Chargers 41.38 (3rd) – Raw Milkers 27.12 (5th)
PA: The Chargers 19.62 (2nd) – Raw Milkers 36.25 (11th)
SOS: The Chargers .500 (5th) – Raw Milkers .531 (2nd)
Past Games: The Chargers 49–35
Line: The Chargers (-15)
The Raw Milkers are really going to have a great time in the 10 minutes between winning their first game and this game starting. After that? Pain. THE CHARGERS BY 20
#2 FLYING BALLS (7-1-0) VS #8 SELECT (3-5-0)
PF: Flying Balls 45.12 (1st) – Select 18.38 (10th)
PA: Flying Balls 18.50 (1st) – Select 23.12 (4th)
SOS: Flying Balls .516 (4th) – Select .500 (5th)
Past Games: Flying Balls 37–20
Line: Flying Balls (-16)
Select did okay slowing the Flying Balls down in the regular season, as they “only” scored 37 points. I like Select a lot, but this is just the FB’s are too damn good. FLYING BALLS BY 17
#3 BLUE BALLERS (6-2-0) VS #6 TMA (4-4-0)
PF: Blue Ballers 44.62 (2nd) – TMA 24.75 (7th)
PA: Blue Ballers 26.12 (5th) – TMA 28.12 (8th)
SOS: Blue Ballers .500 (5th) – TMA .547 (1st)
Past Games: Blue Ballers 50–8
Line: Blue Ballers (-11)
The Blue Ballers feel like the little brother of The Chargers and Flying Balls right now, but that’s still impressive to be listed with them. This team can SCORE with anyone, they just have more trouble stopping them than the others do. They didn’t have much trouble with TMA last time, but I expect TMA to give them a much closer game this time. I think if TMA didn’t just play a game before coming to this track meet, I’d be tempted to take them. But they did, so. BLUE BALLERS BY 9
#4 IRISH GIANTS (6-2-0) VS #5 INTENTIONAL CLOWNING (5-3-0)
PF: Irish Giants 26.00 (6th) – Intentional Clowning 28.25 (4th)
PA: Irish Giants 19.88 (3rd) – Intentional Clowning 26.25 (6th)
SOS: Irish Giants .500 (5th) – Intentional Clowning .500 (5th)
Past Games: Irish Giants 36–29
Line: Irish Giants (-2)
The Irish Giants had a great season and they were rewarded with a bye, now they get IC in a playoff game where it’s going to be a dogfight. IC does a little better job of scoring, but the Giants’ defense is allowing less than 20 points a game. Expect them to get some stops to make the difference. IRISH GIANTS BY 3
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY
Legends vs Freeballers — ML: Legends -950 / Freeballers +950 — O/U 63
Eyes Downtown vs Mavericks — ML: Eyes Downtown -400 / Mavericks +400 — O/U 66
Sticky Bandits vs Unit Ha Ha — ML: Sticky Bandits -375 / Unit Ha Ha +375 — O/U 69
Frodo Swaggins vs What a Dump — ML: Frodo Swaggins -120 / What a Dump +120 — O/U 63
The Malones vs Grey Hair – Don’t Care — ML: Malones -420 / GHDC +420 — O/U 66
Can’t Touch This vs Scared Hitless — ML: CTT -340 / Scared Hitless +340 — O/U 65
Wanderers vs GirthQuakes — ML: Wanderers -500 / GirthQuakes +500 — O/U 69
Bullet Club vs Practice Squad — ML: Bullet Club -130 / Practice Squad +130 — O/U 59
Interdimensional Lightning Falcons vs Buffalo Vice — ML: ILF -145 / Buffalo Vice +145 — O/U 67
Cunning Stunts vs D-Generation X Y and Z — ML: Even (–110 each) — O/U 71
Puckett All-Stars vs Cobblestone — ML: Puckett -560 / Cobblestone +560 — O/U 53
PowerPuff Girls vs Come from Behind — ML: PowerPuff -240 / CFB +240 — O/U 54
Mike’s Detailing vs Ready to Retire — ML: Mike’s Detailing -115 / RTR +115 — O/U 58
Balls Deep vs Mo’ Chicken — ML: Balls Deep -1400 / Mo’ Chicken +1400 — O/U 51
Blitzkrieg vs Sausage McMuffins — ML: Blitzkrieg -190 / Sausage McMuffins +190 — O/U 61
Bridget & Quit It vs Pit Harade — ML: BQI -250 / Pit Harade +250 — O/U 58
Not So Sticky vs Stir the Sauce — ML: NSS -185 / Stir the Sauce +185 — O/U 45
Intentional Clowning vs Puck Bunnies — ML: IC -500 / Puck Bunnies +500 — O/U 55
TMA vs Sticky Laces — ML: TMA -115 / Sticky Laces +115 — O/U 51
Three Tuddies vs Raw Milkers — ML: Raw Milkers -115 / Three Tuddies +115 — O/U 56
Select vs Four Tuddies — ML: Select -210 / Four Tuddies +210 — O/U 38
There’s going to be some high scoring games this week.
Balls Deep - Legends - Two Tuddies - Jabronies - The Chargers (just because of the Flying Balls) - Wanderers.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR PLAYOFF SATURDAY
-GF OUT