Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday, June 6th, in the Year of Our Lord 2026, the TSL world will yet again descend upon the Rose Garden to partake in the Greatest Social Co-Ed Touch Football League in history. While it may seem like just another week before we ramp up the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality (it’s “only” Week 7), the first weekend of June holds more significance to the TSL than any other time of the year. Why is that, you ask?
It’s Lenny And Rameer Day.
Well, it’s Lenny And Rameer Day (Observed). The only “Official” holiday in TSL history is June 4th, as it was named after a meeting by the TSL Supreme Court of Topper, Cookie Monster, B’s Brother, Punkin The Clown, Elmo, The Lead Singer Of the Mariachi Band, and Girl On Crack. June 4th, for those who do not know, is Lenny’s birthday. June 4th, for those who also do not know, is the day we lost Rameer.
I understand that paragraph has a whole bunch of names that a good portion of the TSL doesn’t know. The league vets, of course, know all about each of those names. But as the league continues on and time passes, more and more TSLers appear, and they simply don’t know the lore of this place. Even from my log cabin here in Des Moines, Iowa, it irks me that there are TSLers that are going to wonder why there’s a wheel to spin, or an ice cream truck hanging out at the fields tomorrow, or whatever else the league has cooked up and they’re going to utter the words “Who are Lenny and Rameer?”.
Simply put, Lenny and Rameer are the reasons you’re playing football tomorrow.
Okay fine, Topper had something to do with it too. But the quick version is that the TSL was founded by Topper and Lenny. Lenny Alba was the TSL’s Commissioner For Life. Topper’s best friend and perhaps the most unique human being you’d ever come across. He was loud, boisterous, charismatic, and pretty much a cartoon character brought to life. He had the vision that football should be fun first, football second. Yes, he could be incredibly serious if you got on his bad side, but Lenny believed that everyone could be a character in the ever changing story that is the “TSL Universe”. He believed that people deserved second (and third, and fourth if they showed up in his music video idea) chances. He was a larger than life individual who made everyone he came in contact with feel special, like they were a part of something. That’s why he built his empire the way that he did: being ridiculous, getting me (and others) to write articles for the website, he took the TSL podcast and ran with it, he encouraged crazy bets on games, he did makeover videos for B’s Brother, he bought a 20 foot minion just because it popped into his head one time and you’re not going to not buy a 20 foot minion. Yes, he knew football, and yes he loved being a “consultant” for struggling teams while also helping lead Public Enemy to some of the greatest heights in Social Co-Ed Touch Football history. But he had just as much fun with the social aspect of this league, and did his best to make sure that even the worst player on the worst team in the league felt included and that they could be a character in Lenny’s world.
And then there was the Yin to Lenny’s Yang, Rameer.
If Lenny had a character flaw, it was that he was always going bigger and more ridiculous, mostly just to see if he could. However when you were running a Social Co-Ed Football Empire, that wasn’t always the best way to go. Topper and Lenny would have some disagreements on league matters because of this, and eventually they brought in Rameer as the “Third Man”. Rameer became the trusted deciding vote whenever Topper and Lenny couldn’t agree on important league matters such as rule changes, suspensions, which TSLers to put on the M&Ms at the banquet, where to get the next Cookie Monster costume from, which TSL female would make a better TSL Queen for Topper if they got married, what the perfect hair length is for Darryl Carr QB Superstar, and other various topics along the way. And also, they needed Rameer because both of them got sick of dealing with the referee scheduling, and more importantly the 10-200 people per Saturday that would come whine to them about how “unfair it was that a ref thought they stepped out of bounds when they super swear that they really didn’t and they lost because of that one single play and now their season and maybe career is over”. Lenny and Topper didn’t want to have to hear it, nor did they want to be mean. But Rameer did.
Rameer was there to be the exact polar opposite of everything I said about Lenny. He had NO problem to immediately call you out on your bullshit. He didn’t really care about the “circus” aspect of the league that Lenny cultivated (Although underneath his damn near permanent scowl when it came to “Official League Nonsense”, you always got the feeling that he did like it, but he wouldn’t dare show it). Rameer was there to be “the bad guy”, and he played that role excellently. For a man who sure hated the “characters” Lenny would make, he had no problem being the “enforcer” character anyway.
Don’t get it twisted, Rameer LOVED the TSL as much as anyone else. He just went about it in a different way. As fun as Lenny’s loud, in your face, ridiculous style existed to keep people included in that way (and to keep himself entertained, sure), Rameer sat back and observed people. Rameer had absolutely no problem walking up to a random TSLer he didn’t know and saying ‘who the hell are you?’ and introducing himself. Or he’d notice that maybe there was someone sitting by themselves at the bar, perhaps overwhelmed by “the circus”, and he’d walk over to them and talk to that person, realizing that not everyone wants to be a part of “the show”. Rameer would make you feel included by genuinely getting to know you, asking you questions about your life, telling you to play Breakfast Club and then drafting you so you met more people but you at least had ONE person you knew on the team. If you seemed “off” on a random day, he’d make sure to check in with you as soon as he felt different vibes (before ‘vibes’ was a thing people said regularly).
Lenny and Rameer were two sides of the same coin. At the end of the day they both wanted the same things for the TSL: to create a family-like culture where everyone who steps on those fields felt included. Like they were a part of something. The paths they both took to achieve that goal simply could not have been more different. But that’s what made it work so well. Yes, there were definitely times that they wanted to kill each other, and they’d both probably scoff at hearing how alike they were at their core, but this league simply wouldn’t have been what it became if it didn’t have both of them in it.
When Lenny unexpectedly passed away in 2019, Rameer was there to step up and do his best to assume the role of “#2” in the TSL. The loss of Lenny was absolutely massive in terms of the league. Things were adjusting well, and then it was discovered that Rameer had cancer. And the world was shutting down because of Covid at nearly the same time. Despite his fight (because there was ZERO way that man wouldn’t fight it), Rameer would pass away on June 4th, Lenny’s birthday.
Coincidence? Yeah, sure, maybe.
But the symbolism there does not go unnoticed by the legion of TSLers out there that were lucky enough to know two of the greatest people that ever lived.
When you step on the field this Saturday, whether you knew them personally or not, do what they would’ve done: talk to someone new, make a new friend. And most importantly, try to take a moment to look at the world around you. People playing football, the sound of a whistle, the cheers from a great play. Just for a second, take a deep breath and whisper “thank you”.
They’re listening.
D1
LAST WEEK’S GAMES
STICKY BANDITS 40, EYES DOWNTOWN 33
LEGENDS 23, STICKY BANDITS 19
THE MALONES 61, MAVERICKS 39
D1 keeps getting more interesting. The Legends stayed perfect, The Malones dropped 61 and officially forced everyone to stop calling them a nice story, and Sticky Bandits split a brutal doubleheader by beating Eyes Downtown before falling just short against Legends. The Mavericks are still winless, but they are at least losing in ways that make you think they can ruin someone's day soon.
THIS WEEK'S GAMES:
MAVERICKS VS WHAT A DUMP (+4) - At some point the Mavericks are going to win a football game. They're 0-4, but unlike a lot of 0-4 teams, they haven't looked hopeless. They nearly came back against both the Legends and Sticky Bandits before running into a Malones offense that appears to have been assembled in a laboratory. Meanwhile, What A Dump continues to exist in a strange limbo where nobody is quite sure how good they are because they seem to play about once every presidential administration. Somebody has to get a much-needed win here, and the Mavericks finally get it done. MAVERICKS BY 6.
LEGENDS VS WHAT A DUMP (+14) - WAD has only played 3 games so far this season, which gives them two weeks to get 5 games in. I’m assuming that the Mavericks game that was postponed ends up in a tie, but who knows? It’s been a season to forget so far for What A Dump, and while they technically would be able to “turn things around” if they sweep their doubleheader this week (including a fun wrinkle where they have two games left against the Legends, but they’re just going to count the results of this game twice) I’m not sure they’ve worked out whatever is ailing them just yet. LEGENDS BY 14
FREEBALLERS VS STICKY BANDITS (+3) - Here’s one people didn’t have on their Spring season bingo card: The Sticky Bandits are GETTING points against the Freeballers. It makes sense - The Freeballers have the better record and they won against Sticky earlier in the year, even in a monsoon. Things have been going quite well for the Freeballers this season, but they’re due for a hiccup, right? STICKY BANDITS BY 6
THE MALONES VS EYES DOWNTOWN (+8) - There was a time in the TSL when Eyes Downtown would easily be the favorites here against The Malones, but boy have the times changed. ED has the horses to turn things around, and historically they do. The only problem is that they’re running into a buzzsaw of epic proportions right now. THE MALONES BY 12
EYES DOWNTOWN VS MAVERICKS (+5) - The Mavericks are THIS close to getting it together and pulling off a win, Malones massacre aside. Eyes Downtown are about as vulnerable as they’ve ever been, which is still weird to say. If there’s one thing Lenny would want, it’s a little chaos. MAVERICKS BY 2
D2
LAST WEEK’S GAMES
CAN'T TOUCH THIS 45, BUFFALO VICE 6
CAN'T TOUCH THIS 45, D-GENERATION XYZ 25
JABRONIES 29, FRODO SWAGGINS 25
Can't Touch This continues to look like the class of D2, and they did nothing last week to change that. The Jabronies survived Frodo, which matters more than it looks because Frodo is still weird enough to make every game stressful. Buffalo Vice is still searching for its first win, and DXYZ continues to look better than its record while still not getting enough actual results.
THIS WEEK'S GAMES:
CAN'T TOUCH THIS VS FRODO SWAGGINS (+12) - Can’t Touch This couldn’t be more on cruise control at this point. That MIGHT mean Frodo can catch them sleeping a little, but to be able to get a jump on them and keep the lead is a task I don’t think they’re capable of. They DO turn some heads in D2 when they keep it close though. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 8
D-GENERATION XYZ VS BUFFALO VICE (+4) - It’s not great here, as the only win for either team here comes from the game they played against each other that DXYZ won. DXYZ struggles to score as the young Keller QB is still developing, which many people forget. There were always going to be some growing pains. They’ll see some progress from this brutal season today. D-GENERATION XYZ BY 10
FRODO SWAGGINS VS BUFFALO VICE (+3) - There’s not much to say here, Vice is also going through the growing pains that come with jumping up to D2, arguably before they were really ready to. They’re definitely another top tier male and another stud female to going along with All-World TSL Talent Caitlyn Mason for them to really compete. I hope that they stay in D2, and in doing so, acquire the talent needed to make them more competitive. The bones are there, they just need a few tweaks. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 9
D3
LAST WEEK’S GAMES
INTERSPACIAL SQUALLING HARRIERS 21, LET'S GET RECCKED 0 (FORFEIT)
INTERSPACIAL SQUALLING HARRIERS 22, BQI 16
BULLET CLUB 30, GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE 22
BULLET CLUB 67, TWO TUDDIES 14
ISH is still unbeaten, and beating BQI was their biggest statement yet, unless you count making LGR so terrified of them they had to forfeit. Bullet Club may have had the strongest week in the division, especially after hanging 67 on Two Tuddies. BQI is still very much alive in the title picture, Grey Hair remains annoying, and D3 somehow continues to get more confusing as the playoffs get closer.
THIS WEEK'S GAMES:
LET'S GET RECCKED VS WANDERERS (+6) - The Wanderers finally get to play football again after some time off, and they’re looking for their first win of the season. LGR seemed to be a team on the rise, although forfeiting doesn’t help that continue very much. The Wanderers’ little break helps them reset just before the playoffs. WANDERERS BY 1
BULLET CLUB VS PRACTICE SQUAD (+10) - Bullet Club gets another double header, and while they start off against a Practice Squad team that’s been struggling that doesn’t mean it’ll be a cake walk for them. Practice Squad could be catching BC at the right time as they’re coming off making the Two Tuddies look like the Three Tuddies, and could be looking ahead to the Stunts game later that day. Except historically, these two teams have this game circled on their schedule, so I don’t think that will be the case, especially on Lenny and Rameer Day. BULLET CLUB BY 7
BULLET CLUB VS CUNNING STUNTS (+4) - There’s a chance that right now the Stunts’ 2-0-2 record is a little misleading. One of the ties was a rainout tie against ISH. Their other three games were against the bottom three teams in the division. They tied the Wanderers, and blew out the Tuddies and Practice Squad. They haven’t quite played anyone who’s been playing well yet this season, and that may come with a little bit of a rough start to the hardest part of their schedule. BULLET CLUB BY 4
BQI VS GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE (+8) - One of these teams feels like they’re a bit of “smoke and mirrors” and the other one is for real. And I’m not sure which is which. This should be a close game overall, but BQI pulls it out in the end. BQI BY 4
BQI VS CUNNING STUNTS (+6) - BQI negates the biggest advantage the Stunts have, as they always get an 8 point TD as well. This should be a chess match of sorts, and it’ll come down to which defense makes a play first. I think it’ll be BQI. BQI BY 2
ISH VS GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE (+9) - ISH is rolling. Grey Hair is looking like a “pretender” in “contenders” clothing. I’m not sure anyone can beat ISH anyway. ISH BY 12
TWO TUDDIES VS PRACTICE SQUAD (+5) - A battle of two teams who have everything going wrong for them. Both can really use a win of any type at this point. I expect both teams to go hard for the win. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3
D4
LAST WEEK’S GAMES
BALLS DEEP 34, SHOW ME YOUR TDS 16
PUCKETT 46, TATER TOTS 31
COOCHIE MONSTERS 27, NOT SO STICKY 21
POWERPUFF GIRLS 34, COBBLESTONE 18
NOT SO STICKY 33, TATER TOTS 15
POWERPUFF GIRLS 28, SHOW ME YOUR TDS 24
MIKE'S DETAILING 36, FLYING BALLS 12
SHOW ME YOUR TDS 17, FLYING BALLS 15
D4 was chaos again. Puckett stayed undefeated, but Tater Tots at least proved someone can score on them. Not So Sticky had a massive week by beating Coochie Monsters and Tater Tots, PowerPuff Girls quietly swept their doubleheader, and Show Me Your TDs finally got into the win column. Flying Balls, meanwhile, have officially entered emergency meeting territory.
THIS WEEK'S GAMES:
TATER TOTS VS SHOW ME YOUR TDS (+11) - So the Tots didn’t beat Puckett, but they sure did give them something to think about. Now they get SMYTDs, who finally got into the win column and have shown some improvement. They’re getting better, but I don’t think they’re on the Tots’ level just yet. TATER TOTS BY 18
MIKE'S DETAILING VS BALLS DEEP (+6) - Balls Deep has been rolling, but so has Mike’s Detailing. This gives us a heck of a game, and a measuring stick to see just how close to (or far off) Balls Deep is to the championship contenders. BD should give them a run, but in the end I suspect we’ll see MIKE’S DETAILING BY 9
NOT SO STICKY VS FLYING BALLS (+8) - Not So Sticky inserted themselves into the championship contender status after a week that showed them beating the Tots and pushing the Coochies to the limit. Meanwhile the Flying Balls are in disarray and are starting to wonder if they were too confident in jumping up to D4. They’re talented enough to figure it out. It just might be next season when they do. NOT SO STICKY BY 12
PUCKETT VS MIKE'S DETAILING (+4) - Here’s your potential Game of the Day between two of the best teams in the division. If anyone is going to derail Puckett, it’s going to be MD. But as of right now, I don’t think anyone can. PUCKETT BY 10
COBBLESTONE VS FLYING BALLS (+3) - If the Flying Balls are going to win a game, this is going to have to be it. The problem is that Cobblestone still has a TON of experience, and that goes a long way in this joint. COBBLESTONE BY 8
COOCHIE MONSTERS VS POWERPUFF GIRLS (+7) - Another interesting test for the Coochies as they get a whole bunch flying at them in the form of the PPGs, who are starting to click a bit at the right time. A win here would shake up the division even more. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 1
PUCKETT VS COBBLESTONE (+14) - This might be like purposely watching a car speed through a pet shop. PUCKETT BY 20
D5
LAST WEEK’S GAMES
BLITZKRIEG 27, WET BANDITS 12
CALL THE DOCTOR 21, SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS 6
WET BANDITS 33, PIT HARADE 32
BLUE BALLERS 64, SBG 0
BIRDS OF WAR 58, SBG 0
COME FROM BEHIND 39, PIT HARADE 12
COME FROM BEHIND 31, MO' CHICKEN 31
BIRDS OF WAR 48, 716ERS 13
D5 remains the division of offensive violence. Blue Ballers scored 64, Blitzkrieg stayed unbeaten, Call the Doctor kept rolling, and Birds of War had a monster week with two huge wins. Wet Bandits continue to be impossible to explain, Come From Behind had a solid week despite the tie with Mo' Chicken, and SBG had the kind of Saturday you delete from the group chat.
THIS WEEK'S GAMES:
BLUE BALLERS VS MO' CHICKEN (+16) - The good news for Mo' Chicken is that they've looked more competitive lately. The bad news is that their reward for that improvement is getting the most explosive offense in the TSL. Blue Ballers have scored 52, 50, 42, 51, and 64 in their five wins, and they're starting to separate themselves as one of the league's true heavyweights. Mo' Chicken has enough offense to keep this from becoming a complete disaster, but asking them to keep pace for an entire game is another story entirely. BLUE BALLERS BY 30
SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS VS PIT HARADE (+2) - Old rivals meet up in this one as neither team has had a season to be proud of so far. I know that anything can happen in the playoffs, but as of right now these teams are looking like speed bumps on other teams’ road to the title. Both teams have shown signs of life recently though, so it’ll be interesting to see who wants this one more. I’ll flip a coin. PIT HARADE BY 3
COME FROM BEHIND VS WET BANDITS (+3) - The Wet Bandits are starting to emerge as a consistent threat each week, and now they get a team they may not match up too well against in Come From Behind. IF CFB is on, they should have no real trouble here. COME FROM BEHIND BY 7
MO' CHICKEN VS SBG (+7) - SBG might actually stand for “Stop Bullying, Godfather!” but at this point I’m just saying it needs to stand for “Start Being Good”, because they simply are not right now. Mo’ Chicken is a bit all over the place as usual, and they were essentially SBG only a couple of seasons ago. MO’ CHICKEN BY 18
CALL THE DOCTOR VS 716ERS (+6) - The 716ers’ finally got beat up a bit after a good start, and it’ll be interesting to see how they respond to that. As of right now, they’re not on the same level as CTD. CALL THE DOCTOR BY 10
BLUE BALLERS VS BIRDS OF WAR (+9) - Hey, here's a good one. The Blue Ballers have decimated everyone they’ve played so far, and Birds of War are really starting to figure things out themselves. This is a top tier matchup. If anyone can handle the Blue Ballers, it might be BOW. But that’s still a tall order. BLUE BALLERS BY 3 AND THEY DON’T SCORE OVER 50 POINTS
D6
LAST WEEK’S GAMES
TMA 18, RAW MILKERS 13
TMA 34, STICKY LACES 14
INTENTIONAL CLOWNING 22, SELECT 8
INTENTIONAL CLOWNING 27, IRISH GIANTS 24
SELECT 33, STICKY LACES 15
D6 is now basically Intentional Clowning and TMA staring at each other from across the room. IC stayed undefeated, TMA went 2-0 and continues to get less attention than they deserve, and Select finally broke through with a win over Sticky Laces. The Irish Giants are still dangerous, but the consistency just hasn't been there.
THIS WEEK'S GAMES:
INTENTIONAL CLOWNING VS TMA (+5) - BIG GAME ALERT. Clowning has already beaten TMA this season back in the beginning of the season. Since then, both teams have won all of their games and have positioned themselves as the favorites to meet in the D6 championship game. This should be fun to hear about. TMA BY 1
RAW MILKERS VS SELECT (+3) - The bottom two teams in this division meet up in what I can only assume will be a fun game. Why? The Raw Milkers are still all over the place, so you never know what you’re going to get, which is fun and exciting. And Select just continues to improve week by week, which can only mean good things for them too. SELECT BY 8
GF vs GPT
WEEK 6
AGAINST THE SPREAD
Topper's Super Computer: 20-10-1
The Godfather: 15-15-1
STRAIGHT UP
Topper's Super Computer: 24-6-1
The Godfather: 23-7-1
OVERALL SEASON
AGAINST THE SPREAD
Topper's Super Computer: 75-50-4
The Godfather: 67-58-4
STRAIGHT UP
Topper's Super Computer: 88-34-7
The Godfather: 82-40-7
THE GPT'S PICKS
MAVERICKS VS WHAT A DUMP (+
LEGENDS VS WHAT A DUMP (+14) - LEGENDS BY 18
FREEBALLERS VS STICKY BANDITS (+3) - FREEBALLERS BY 4
THE MALONES VS EYES DOWNTOWN (+8) - THE MALONES BY 10
EYES DOWNTOWN VS MAVERICKS (+5) - EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6
CAN'T TOUCH THIS VS FRODO SWAGGINS (+12) - CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 14
D-GENERATION XYZ VS BUFFALO VICE (+4) - D-GENERATION XYZ BY 6
FRODO SWAGGINS VS BUFFALO VICE (+3) - FRODO SWAGGINS BY 5
LET'S GET RECCKED VS WANDERERS (+6) - LET'S GET RECCKED BY 7
BULLET CLUB VS PRACTICE SQUAD (+10) - BULLET CLUB BY 18
BULLET CLUB VS CUNNING STUNTS (+4) - BULLET CLUB BY 3
BQI VS GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE (+8) - BQI BY 9
BQI VS CUNNING STUNTS (+6) - BQI BY 4
ISH VS GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE (+9) - ISH BY 11
TWO TUDDIES VS PRACTICE SQUAD (+5) - TWO TUDDIES BY 7
TATER TOTS VS SHOW ME YOUR TDS (+11) - TATER TOTS BY 14
MIKE'S DETAILING VS BALLS DEEP (+6) - MIKE'S DETAILING BY 7
NOT SO STICKY VS FLYING BALLS (+8) - NOT SO STICKY BY 11
PUCKETT VS MIKE'S DETAILING (+4) - PUCKETT BY 6
COBBLESTONE VS FLYING BALLS (+3) - COBBLESTONE BY 4
COOCHIE MONSTERS VS POWERPUFF GIRLS (+7) - COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 8
PUCKETT VS COBBLESTONE (+14) - PUCKETT BY 19
BLUE BALLERS VS MO' CHICKEN (+16) - BLUE BALLERS BY 21
SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS VS PIT HARADE (+2) - SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 3
COME FROM BEHIND VS WET BANDITS (+3) - COME FROM BEHIND BY 4
MO' CHICKEN VS SBG (+7) - MO' CHICKEN BY 10
CALL THE DOCTOR VS 716ERS (+6) - CALL THE DOCTOR BY 8
BLUE BALLERS VS BIRDS OF WAR (+9) - BLUE BALLERS BY 12
INTENTIONAL CLOWNING VS TMA (+5) - INTENTIONAL CLOWNING BY 3
RAW MILKERS VS SELECT (+3) - SELECT BY 1
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY
-GF OUT