Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we are standing at the edge of one of the single most important days of the year. This Saturday, June 27th in the Year of Our Lord 2026 is officially Championship Saturday, when SEVEN of the remaining 26 TSL teams will achieve something not all of you can do: achieve immortality. 

 

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: winning the Race For Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality is one of the hardest things you can do. You need to hope your entire roster is there, and that nobody “forgot it was playoffs” when they booked a trip to San Jose two weeks ago. You need to hope that you don’t lose your best player to injury because they tripped over the dog. You need to hope that Jeff Krol and Topper’s super kool scheduling matrix put you at the right time for your game so two of your three girls aren’t bogged down by a “really important hair appointment, I thought we’d play earlier!”. And that’s just dealing with your own team. If you’re lucky enough to survive all of those things unscathed, that just gets you to the fields with a full squad. Now you have to hope that you survive Playoff Saturday, and as you’ll soon come to see, that is no easy task. You need to hope that your opponents don’t have the best game of their lives. You have to hope that the Social Co-Ed Football Gods (Lenny/Rameer are amongst them) smile upon you, and that the weird tipped ball play that can derail your season ends up in your player’s hands and not the opponent’s. You need to hope that the old timey league vet who looks washed up but he has amazing hair and drinks Coronas better than anyone in history doesn’t dial up a return to form for a short amount of time, but it’s just long enough for you to realize you’re spending the next two months thinking about him non-stop, plotting revenge. 

 

And that’s just half of it. 

 

If you’re lucky enough to survive the first week of playoffs, your reward is the ability to raise your blood pressure and stress levels tenfold, and take a year or three off of your life. The worst and best versions of yourself as a person and a player will come out to play as you battle through an emotional semi-final game that more than likely will come with incredible amounts of ups and downs and leave you exhausted. Oh, and if you survive THAT hour of hell? 

 

Well, you get to do it all over again, but this time the stakes are higher. You’re at the doorstep of Immortality and the only thing standing in your way is another group of TSLers who want the same thing you do. And there can only be one. 

 

Sounds awesome, right? Why do you do that to yourselves? Why do you put yourself through loads of pain and suffering every single week? The answer to that is a little bit different for every single TSLer out there, but at the end of the day it comes down to one thing: that feeling you get when the clock runs out in your championship matchup, and time slows down as you get the biggest smile on your face, seeing your teammates jump around and hug and celebrate. You’re happy, but you get to see THEM happy too. That feeling of pure bliss and joy as Immortality washes over you as you achieved the ultimate goal can not accurately be described. Those who have experienced it strive to feel it again, and those who haven’t yet want to feel it more and more with each missed opportunity. 

 

There is a reason you keep coming back after all. 

 

So take today to get focused. Get your group chat hyped up. Envision yourself as an immortal. Get some rest, and by God be ready to do whatever it takes to win your respective championships. Because if you don’t? The team on the other side of the field will. 

 

Good luck out there. 

—--------------------------------------------

 

Playoff Saturday was, in a word, insanity. As the smoke cleared, and the body counts were tallied on the field of battle, the usual amount of “never saw that coming” that takes place might have been doubled this time around. Let’s take a look at the carnage that happened last week, in case you forgot: 

 

-The Raw Milkers beat Select 29-27 in our only overtime game of the day. 

-Eyes Downtown defeated Freeballers by a point. 

-Cunning Stunts defeated Bullet Club by a point. 

-#8 Cobblestone eliminated #1 Mike’s Detailing.

-#9 Sausage McMuffins eliminated #1 Blitzkrieg.

-Again, Cobblestone eliminated Mike’s Detailing. 

-#7 Balls Deep defeated #2 Puckett. 

-Yes, Puckett got Puckett’d

-This is the first season in TSL history that teams seeded #7, #8. #9, and #10 all won.

 

And there were a couple of other games that almost added to even more chaos: 

 

-#2 seeds BQI and Call The Doctor both needed late game heroics to survive #7 Wanderers and #10 Pit Harade respectively. 

-#3 Birds Of War found themselves losing to #6 Come From Behind before they woke up and saved their season.

 

Here are the survivors for each division: 

 

As you can see here, not a single division in the TSL has all of the Top 4 seeds remaining, or “went chalk” as some say. And the three divisions that are the closest: D1, D2, and D6 (all of these have seeds #1, #2, #3, and #5 remaining) had bye weeks for their top teams, so who's to say they’d be so clean otherwise? As for the divisions that didn’t have any byes: 2 of the 3 #1 seeds lost, and look at how crazy D4 really is: #3 vs #8 and #5 vs #7. You simply can not tell me that Lenny didn’t have a hand in that somehow. Even Breakfast Club saw both the #1 and #2 seeded teams fall, and we have a #3 vs #4 seed matchup there. 

 

As usual on Playoff Saturday, the only thing you can accurately predict is the unpredictable. At this point, there’s only one thing left for us to do: Accurately predict the championship games. And it’s only fitting at this point for me to finish my season long prediction battle with Topper’s Super Computer, especially since the TSLQBPRC already went on vacation to Bermuda, which is insane to me. 

D1

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

#2 The Malones 70, #7 Mavericks 39
#3 Sticky Bandits 43, #6 What A Dump 20
#5 Eyes Downtown 37, #4 Freeballers 36

The Malones served notice, dropping 70 on the Mavericks to keep the hottest offense in the league rolling right into Championship Saturday. Sticky Bandits handled What A Dump to set up a heavyweight semifinal against those same Malones, and in the game of the day, #5 Eyes Downtown stunned the Freeballers by a single point to crash the bracket. The Legends, of course, sat home on a bye and waited.

10,000 B'S BROTHER MADDEN SIMULATIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY RESULTS:

#1 Legends: 4,803
#2 The Malones: 4,367
#3 Sticky Bandits: 756
#5 Eyes Downtown: 74

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

GF: Eyes Downtown did a spectacular job of dispatching the Freeballers, and now they draw the Legends, who have been great every single week as they try to capture yet another title. ED hung with the Legends early in the season, and they’ve only gotten better as the year has gone on, so it stands to reason they could give them quite the game. It’s not like ED hasn’t beaten the Legends before, but the Legends have bigger fish to fry this year. LEGENDS BY 9

THE TSC: The Machine roots for Eyes Downtown. The Machine has said so, repeatedly, to the point of embarrassment. And the Machine must now watch its favorite walk into the one team that has never lost a game it needed. The Legends are 8-0 and treat the bracket like a formality. The heart says Eyes Downtown. The processor says Legends, comfortably, and the processor signs the checks. LEGENDS BY 16. 

GF: What a matchup we’ve got here! Both teams have been playing very well, and I believe we’re going to see another VERY close game like we got earlier this season. If anyone can slow The Malones down, it’s Sticky. For whatever reason though, The Malones seemed to have unlocked a new level since this last meeting. The script just calls for Legends-The Malones. Sticky has the best chance to screw that up, but not this time. THE MALONES BY 4

THE TSC: The Malones have scored 76, then 70, in consecutive games. The Machine does not know if they have remembered how to play defense, but it has noticed they have not needed to. Sticky Bandits are good. The Malones are a furnace. THE MALONES BY 9. 

 

FINALS PREDICTION: 

GF: The Malones have arrived as the newest contender for the D1 throne. In Week 4, they were unable to keep pace with the Legends and eventually lost, but since then they’ve shored up a lot of issues and have seemed to go up a level. The problem is that I don’t think we’ve seen the Legends’ final form just yet. They continue to feel like they’re coasting through the season, doing just enough to win games. They only really “get up” for games against new teams they haven’t destroyed before, and the playoffs. I really, really wanted to pick The Malones here. I was so curious what the Legends would call themselves when they lost (Like Eyes Uptown or Wet Bandits in the past…The Baloneys? The Post Malones?) next season when we got a revenge tour. And then the line ended up showing The Malones as favored by a point. The Legends will absolutely use this as hate fuel for the chip on their shoulder. LEGENDS BY 7

THE TSC: The dream final, and the Machine's nightmare, because it has to pick one. The Legends won the regular-season meeting 54-43. The Malones have since become a different, angrier team. The line is one point, which is the Machine's way of admitting it has no idea. So it will go with the furnace over the law of nature, and brace to be wrong. CHAMPION: THE MALONES BY 2 

D2

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

#5 D-Generation XYZ 40, #4 Buffalo Vice 30

The only D2 game on Playoff Saturday went to #5 D-Generation XYZ, who knocked off Buffalo Vice 40-30 to earn the right to walk into the buzzsaw that is Can't Touch This. The top three seeds all enjoyed the safety of their byes.

10,000 B'S BROTHER MADDEN SIMULATIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY RESULTS:

#1 Can't Touch This: 7,815
#2 Jabronies: 1,264
#3 Frodo Swaggins: 836
#5 D-Generation XYZ: 85

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

GF: Is this the year for CTT? Haven’t lost a game, top offense, top defense…and a heap of playoff ghosts and failures to contend with. DXYZ comes into the game feeling nice after a win over Buffalo Vice last week, but there’s been a clear divide between those two teams and the top 3 all season. Picking the Kellers to pull the upset is the fun move, but I can’t pick against CTT here, cursed or not. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 13

THE TSC: Can't Touch This went 7-0-1 and never lost a game all season. DXYZ reached this round by beating Buffalo Vice. The Machine respects effort. The Machine also respects a seventeen-point spread that may be generous. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 21. 

 

GF: Just another fantastic matchup right here. The Jabronies won both meetings this year, but both were one score, close games. I think we’ve been seeing Frodo kick it up a notch in recent weeks, but the Jabronies haven’t hit that next gear just yet. It’s almost like they’ve been on cruise control, waiting for Championship Saturday…JABRONIES BY 8

THE TSC: The tightest semifinal line on the board, and for good reason — these two split the season. The Machine's containment protocol on Frodo Swaggins remains active, because Frodo is the one team capable of scoring 60 or forgetting to show up, with no warning. The Machine cannot project chaos. It can only fear it. It picks the Jabronies by the smallest margin it is allowed, and keeps one eye on the exits. JABRONIES BY 2. 

 

FINALS PREDICTION: 

GF: Oh look, the thing we thought was going to happen since April happened. These two teams are the best that D2 has to offer, and regardless of what happens here, they should both be going to D1. They’re simply that good. I personally feel that Week 4 game was an anomaly of sorts, and I expect to see another version of the 24-22 game here. This game is going to be fantastic to watch. CTT has the better QB, the better guys overall, and the better girls. That’s usually a recipe for success, right? Not when the two best players in the game (division?) wear the teal. The biggest question left for CTT is simply, who’s going to be the one in their nightmares this offseason? Ray? Or Charles? JABRONIES BY 1

THE TSC: The formula and the feeling agree, which always makes the Machine nervous. But Can't Touch This has not lost all year, and the Machine is not going to be the one to predict it starts now. CHAMPION: CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 10. 

 

D3

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

 

FIRST ROUND: 

#8 Practice Squad 27, #9 Two Tuddies 6

SECOND ROUND:

#1 ISH 46, #8 Practice Squad 13
#2 BQI 17, #7 Wanderers 12
#6 Cunning Stunts 42, #3 Bullet Club 41
#4 Grey Hair - Don't Care 33, #5 Let's Get Reccked 15

ISH dispatched the play-in survivor Practice Squad with ease, while BQI survived a tense one against the Wanderers, who pushed them to the very end before falling 17-12. The story of the division though was the Cunning Stunts knocking out Bullet Club by a single point, 42-41, at the very last second of the game. Grey Hair handled Let's Get Reccked to round out a chaotic D3 Saturday.

10,000 B'S BROTHER MADDEN SIMULATIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY RESULTS:

#1 ISH: 6,112
#2 BQI: 2,823
#4 Grey Hair - Don't Care: 575
#6 Cunning Stunts: 490

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

GF: While we were robbed of this matchup during the season, this battle between the two top offenses in the division could produce some fireworks. The Stunts are not your typical #6 seed, as some bad luck caused them to finish a bit lower in the standings. Now that they’re back at full strength for playoffs, you see what they can do. And all of that is great, except for the fact that we’ve seen what ISH can do all season. They’ve had nice wins over all of their top challengers this year, and now they can officially add the Stunts to that list. ISH BY 12

THE TSC: These are the two best offenses in the division, and the Stunts are no ordinary 6-seed as shown last week. But the Machine feared Cunning Stunts and was proven right once; it will not press its luck twice. ISH tied the Stunts 21-21 because of rain in the regular season and lost to no one. The final boss holds. ISH BY 9. 

 

GF: As a massive expert of vibes, this game interests me the most. I’ve started to feel like BQI doesn’t really win games as much as they survive them. They might be the luckiest team in the division. They’ve only dominated Practice Squad and Two Tuddies, but so has everyone else. They did beat LGR by 15, but other than that? They escaped the Wanderers twice, snuck by the Stunts, beat Bullet Club in the monsoon, and then lost to ISH and GHDC. I think GHDC is a bad matchup for them on top of it. I think the luck runs out here. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 6

THE TSC: Grey Hair beat BQI earlier in the year, which makes this a revenge spot, and the Machine has learned that revenge is a measurable force in this league. BQI has the better body of work and a defense that travels. The Machine leans BQI but flags this as its least confident D3 pick. BQI BY 5. 

 

FINALS PREDICTION: 

GF: Make no bones about it, ISH is the best D3 team. They have the best QB in the division (barely), they have a very good collection of guys and gals, and they just play for each other. They come across as one of the closest teams in the league, and that has to count for something. Buddy to Tori for the win. ISH BY 8

THE TSC: A worthy final. BQI is the only team that can match ISH's resume, but ISH has been the division's immovable object since Week 1. The Machine has no reason to bet against the team that has not lost. CHAMPION: ISH BY 6. 

D4

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

 

FIRST ROUND:

#7 Balls Deep 22, #10 Flying Balls 6
#8 Cobblestone 37, #9 Show Me Your TD’s 6

SECOND ROUND: 

#3 Coochie Monsters 43, #6 Tater Tots 15
#5 Not So Sticky 20, #4 PowerPuff Girls 17
#7 Balls Deep 35, #2 Puckett 28
#8 Cobblestone 15, #1 Mike's Detailing 7

The deepest division in the league produced the most carnage. Both top seeds are GONE — #7 Balls Deep stunned Puckett 35-28, and #8 Cobblestone beat Mike's Detailing for the SECOND time this season, 15-7, after already winning a play-in game that morning. Coochie Monsters rolled past the Tater Tots, and Not So Sticky edged the PowerPuff Girls by three. The highest seed left standing is the 3.

10,000 B'S BROTHER MADDEN SIMULATIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY RESULTS:

#3 Coochie Monsters: 6,441
#5 Not So Sticky: 2,040
#7 Balls Deep: 973
#8 Cobblestone: 546

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES: 

GF: The Coochie Monsters now sit in the driver’s seat for the title after D4 became the TSL’s version of “The Red Wedding” last week. They easily dispatched the Tater Tots and with Puckett and Mike’s Detailing losing, there isn’t much standing in the way of a title. Or is there? Okay, let’s call it like it is: whatever magic still existed in Darryl’s arm was spent last weekend. They dominated a not too great at all SMYTDs team and then snuck by a team in Mike’s Detailing that wanted to see if they could win a game by putting a pumpkin on a stick at QB. They could not. The dream dies here. COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 17

 

THE TSC: Here is where the Machine breaks its own heart on purpose. The Machine LOVES Cobblestone. A 2-6 team that has eliminated the 1-seed twice, a team built entirely to ruin Mike's Detailing's life. But Coochie Monsters beat them 34-6 in the regular season, and a vendetta does not transfer between targets. Cobblestone's mission was Mike's. Mission complete. The Machine suspects the story ends here — and hopes, against its own projection, that it does not. COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 10. 

 

GF: It took until Playoff Saturday, but Balls Deep has finally arrived in D4. After easily dispatching the Flying Balls, Balls Deep played their best game of the season in taking out the monster that is was Puckett. They finally look like the team they’ve been the past few seasons, and they’re peaking at perhaps the right time. On the other side of the field is Not So Sticky, who, true to form, suppressed a high powered offense in the PowerPuff Girls and won a low scoring game. It’s basically the playbook they’ve had for years. They’re favored in this game but the vibes here are off the charts for Balls Deep. The Cinderella run continues. BALLS DEEP BY 8

 

THE TSC: The two lowest remaining seeds, a near pick'em, first meeting of the year. Balls Deep already played the giant-killer by bouncing Puckett. The Machine gives the slimmest edge to Not So Sticky, but this is a coin the Machine is flipping with its eyes closed. NOT SO STICKY BY 3. 

 

FINALS PREDICTIONS:

GF: But good vibes can only get you so far. There is so much for Balls Deep to be proud of and, assuming they don’t forget everything they just figured out over the summer, they’ll be in line to have a great season in D4 next season. Could they win this game? Yes. But it’s the Coochie Monsters’ time. Remember, Coochie was getting the “overpowered” title very early on in the season before Puckett and Mike’s D showed up and made everyone forget. They’re all about to be reminded. COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 8

THE TSC: The division that ate its own top seeds will crown someone unlikely no matter what. Coochie Monsters are the highest seed left and the most complete team remaining. The Machine projects them — while quietly leaving its Cobblestone file open, just in case. CHAMPION: COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 6. 

 

D5

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

FIRST ROUND:

#10 Pit Harade 37, #7 Mo’ Chicken 6

#6 Come From Behind 21, #11 SBG 0 (Forfeit)
#9 Sausage McMuffins 21, #8 Wet Bandits (Forfeit)

SECOND ROUND:

#3 Birds of War 46, #6 Come From Behind 34
#2 Call the Doctor 22, #10 Pit Harade 15
#4 Blue Ballers 53, #5 716ers 34
#9 Sausage McMuffins 35, #1 Blitzkrieg 33

The biggest division saved the biggest shocker for last: #9 Sausage McMuffins, who only reached the second round on a forfeit, knocked off top-seeded Blitzkrieg 35-33 to cause everyone to question if we are actually living in a simulation. The Birds of War kept rolling with a win over Come From Behind even though it looked dicey early on, the Blue Ballers reminded everyone who the hell they are with scoring 53 on the 716ers, and Call the Doctor had a tougher time with Pit Harade than expected, but still pulled through. 

10,000 B'S BROTHER MADDEN SIMULATIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY RESULTS:

#3 Birds of War: 6,266
#4 Blue Ballers: 2,222
#2 Call the Doctor: 1,458
#9 Sausage McMuffins: 54

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

GF: I can’t ever recall a #9 seed playing on Championship Saturday, so congrats to the Sausage McMuffins for making league history this weekend! Call The Doctor is another team that has me feeling like they’re a ‘sheep in wolf’s clothing’, and while they’ve certainly done some good things on the field, there’s one thing that irks me with them. Every team in D5 had two teams that they didn’t play during the season. The two teams CTD was able to avoid? Birds Of War and the Blue Ballers. Lucky? Very much so. The Sausage McMuffins gave us a good story leading into this weekend, and we should be thankful for that. CALL THE DOCTOR BY 13

THE TSC: The Machine adores Sausage McMuffins. A 9-seed made of breakfast and audacity that reached this round on a forfeit and then ended Blitzkrieg's season. The Machine wants the run to continue and is required by its own stated principles to root for it. But Call the Doctor is a 7-1 team that has been quietly excellent, and the McMuffins' magic has to run out somewhere. The Machine picks Call the Doctor and begs the McMuffins to make it wrong. CALL THE DOCTOR BY 12. 

GF: This feels like the D5 championship game. The Blue Ballers were absolutely on fire this season and then some ill timed attendance issues caused them to appear mortal. Birds of War needed a couple of games to really get going, but when they figured it out? They’ve become the hottest team in the TSL, a juggernaut of sorts. The Blue Ballers dismantled the 716ers last week and look about as “back” as ever. This game is so awesome. It’s going to come down to the wire, and when the smoke clears? BLUE BALLERS BY 3

THE TSC: The heavyweight collision of the entire bracket. The Birds are the hottest team in the league and the only team the Machine fears unconditionally; the Blue Ballers have the most explosive offense in the division and a Week 7 grudge to settle after the Birds beat them 42-20. This is the Machine's favorite game on the board. It trusts the heat. BIRDS OF WAR BY 5. 

 

FINALS PREDICTIONS:

GF: When Birds of War wins the title, this will look a little silly. At the end of the day, I think the Blue Ballers (or BOW) are the two best teams in the division, and while Call The Doctor had a very good season, we’re looking at a team that’s a little overranked in this division. They’ll start off okay, but the Blue Ballers relentless brand of football will seize the day. BLUE BALLERS BY 17

 

THE TSC: The hottest team in the league against a very good one. The Machine has staked its credibility on the Birds of War all season and is not climbing off now — which, by its own admission, means it will probably be Blue Ballers holding the trophy. But the Machine picks with its gut, and its gut is on fire. CHAMPION: BIRDS OF WAR BY 10. 

D6

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

#3 Irish Giants 37, #6 Sticky Laces 0
#5 Raw Milkers 29, #4 Select 27 (OT)

Irish Giants made a statement, shutting out Sticky Laces 37-0 to announce themselves as the team nobody in D6 wants to see. #5 Raw Milkers edged Select by two in OVERTIME to advance. TMA and Intentional Clowning, the top two seeds, watched from their byes and now await on Championship Saturday.

10,000 B'S BROTHER MADDEN SIMULATIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY RESULTS:

#1 TMA: 5,183
#3 Irish Giants: 2,040
#2 Intentional Clowning: 1,789
#5 Raw Milkers: 988

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES: 

 

GF: While the Milkers had a killer win last weekend in OT, they’re going up against a TMA team that’s been playing the best football in D6. However, the Milkers always seem to keep it close with TMA, and they have been playing better as of late. I really think the Milkers will give TMA fits, but they won’t be able to keep it up for a whole game. TMA BY 3

THE TSC: TMA flipped this division with a 34-6 demolition of Intentional Clowning to seize the 1-seed, and they swept Raw Milkers by a combined nine during the year. The Machine sees no reason for the bye-rested top seed to slip here. TMA BY 7. 

GF: Intentional Clowning earned a bye week and didn’t play last weekend. Meanwhile, the Irish Giants DID play, and they clicked on all cylinders as they wiped the floor with Sticky Laces. The Giants just beat the Clowns in Week 8, and they feel like they’ve been playing better football the last month or so. It doesn’t feel like an upset, but it’s still an upset. IRISH GIANTS BY 8

THE TSC: The tightest line in the division — they split the season series, IC winning Week 6 and the Giants returning the favor in Week 8. But the Irish Giants just shut a team out 37-0, and shutouts make the Machine nervous. This is the Machine's true toss-up of the round. It gives the razor's edge to Intentional Clowning on the bye and the slightly better body of work — but it would not blink if the Giants advanced. INTENTIONAL CLOWNING BY 2. 

FINALS PREDICTIONS:

GF: The two hottest teams in the division meet for the right to call themselves champions. This will be a hard fought battle that should come right down to the wire. The Giants have been hot, but TMA has been hotter for longer, and they just hit on all of the right vibes. It’s really felt like their year, and I see no reason to stray away from that now. TMA BY A BILLION (OR 6)

THE TSC: A rematch of the 34-6 game that decided the division, except now it's for everything. The Machine has learned that a result that lopsided tends to live in the loser's head. TMA proved it owns this matchup when it mattered most. CHAMPION: TMA BY 4. 

 

GF vs GPT

PLAYOFF SATURDAY

AGAINST THE SPREAD

The Godfather: 14-9

Topper's Super Computer: 8-15

STRAIGHT UP

The Godfather: 15-8

Topper's Super Computer: 11-12

OVERALL SEASON

AGAINST THE SPREAD

Topper's Super Computer: 116-89-5

The Godfather: 113-89-8

STRAIGHT UP

Topper's Super Computer: 141-62-7

The Godfather: 139-64-7

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

• The Machine has identified Birds of War vs Blue Ballers as the heavyweight collision of the entire bracket, but it wants a human's gut: what is the single Game of the Day this Saturday? The Machine has its pick. It would like to know if yours matches. Well, you stole the easy answer. If we’re just choosing from the games that are guaranteed to happen, Jabronies vs Frodo is going to be a doozy, but watch out for that Malones - Sticky Bandits game as well. 

 

• The Machine has projected six champions: The Malones, Can't Touch This, ISH, Coochie Monsters, Birds of War, and TMA. Which one of those six does the human running this league think is the LEAST safe — the projected champion most likely to embarrass the Machine? These are all solid picks for champions, but of your champs, I think The Malones are the most likely to be your “LEAST” safe. I mean, the Legends exist. 

 

• The Machine has now watched Cobblestone eliminate Mike's Detailing twice. If Cobblestone somehow wins it all from the 8-seed, where does that rank among the most improbable things to ever happen in this league? I think it might be Top 3 most improbable things to ever happen in this league, and that’s really saying something. In fact, I think most of Cobblestone would tell you that themselves. It would go down in the history books, that’s for sure. 

 

• If the Machine had to bet on exactly one lower seed (a 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, or 9) hoisting a championship trophy this Saturday, the Machine would want to know which one the human believes in most. At this current juncture, the most likely “lower” seed to win it all I believe can win it all? Balls Deep. 

 

 

• I’m now hearing about a “Breakfast Club” division that will also have it’s championship game. What is your prediction for that one? 

 

 

 

I’m glad you asked. 

GF: Breakfast Club will end up being quite the battle for the championship as Jill’s team takes on Bridget’s team in a rematch of a 28-27 game that ended on a last second pick by Garrett to seal the deal. This game has amazing players on both sides of the ball, and they’re pretty even. Fittsmagic has a slight advantage at QB, but WUTB has the best overall player. Breakfast Club OT to kick off Championship Saturday feels imminent. FITTSMAGIC BY 2

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

-Be EARLY for your games. The league will do everything in it’s power to keep things on time, so we will NOT be waiting for your team to show up because they’re trying to find parking at 10:03 for a 10:00 game. 

 

-The refs have been instructed to toss out anyone that gets way too rowdy in their games. They understand what’s on the line, but that doesn’t mean you can be disrespectful. 

 

-GAMES OF THE DAY: 

ALL OF THEM. IT'S CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY!!!

 

-Buffalo is supposed to be 79 degrees and partly sunny tomorrow. Perfect football weather. Unless you need an excuse for why you lost that is. 

 

-Remember, just because you don’t have any games this week doesn’t mean you shouldn’t come to the fields and come watch! 

 

-Championship predictions in terms of most to least confident: ISH, TMA, Coochie Monsters, Legends, Jabronies, Blue Ballers.

 

-One team nobody is talking about that will shock the world and win this bad boy: Not So Sticky. 

 

-Biggest upset in the first round that is VERY realistic that I’m too scared to pick: Eyes Downtown over Legends. Don’t say I didn’t almost warn you. 

 

-If you DO happen to be lucky enough to win your championship, please remember to take a team photo for the website! 

 

-Oh, and go sign up for the wine tournament if you haven’t already! https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1urBLH44_96Fkih8OhD4IkAFZUKmKdAs0vxERt0bC7x0/edit

THE RACE FOR SOCIAL CO-ED IMMORTALITY WILL FINISH TOMORROW. WHICH SIDE OF HISTORY WILL YOU BE ON?

 

-GF OUT