Hello and welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  


Last week we looked at the Greatest Female Players in the TSL, and this week we'll take a similar look at the Greatest Male Players (Non-QB) in the TSL.  If you thought you hated our rankings of the ladies, wait til you see how badly we screwed up this one!  We also have a new "Team Defense" graph if you want to see how you're doing compared to other teams, and our usual QB ranking write-ups as well.





#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 28-16


#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 35-34 (Legends), beat XMD 50-20, lost to Practice Squad 45-25 (Stunts)


#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Legends 35-34

The three quarterbacks at the top of our Power Rankings get one combined write-up this week since the difference between them is virtually nothing right now.  There are three teams in D1 that have gone 1-1 against each other after two laps through that small division, and every QB listed above has now beaten every other QB above.  Since we don't do "ties" in our Power Rankings (our millions of readers deserve better than a cop-out like that!) here's how we ranked them: 

Up to this point in the season each teams' schedule has been more or less the same, as they've each played each other twice and the Sticky Bandits have played one D2 crossover game.  It's about to get a little wacky though as the next two weeks are exclusively D1 vs D2 Crossover games, which means the stats could shift drastically with either blow-out wins or an upset loss.  Before that happens, let's take a moment to appreciate the parity in the TSL's top division (if you're into that sort of thing).


#4 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Lost to DILFS 41-14

The Notorious BNB had their first awful game of the season on Saturday and got killed by the DILFS.  It happens.  They put up only 14 points and they're STILL the highest scoring team in D2 at 35.8 PPG (7th best in the TSL).  It was a bad day, but we still expect them to be in the D2 championship mix in a few weeks' time.  


#5 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Is it just us or do the fields feel a little more quiet when Hogan's not out there?


#6 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 42-20

Scared Hitless resumed their winning ways with a 42-point beatdown of Team Topper on Saturday.  Dylan is 5-1 against his division but only fourth in scoring behind BNB, Passed Our Prime and DILFS.  It helps to have the number one defense in your division (Crossover game excluded).  


#7 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Beat Notorious BNB 41-14

Some days it's a real struggle and you have to rally the troops and dig deep to pull out the W.  Saturday was not one of those days for DILFS.  Their defense gave Dubey great field position all day and he took advantage.  DILFS are now 4-2 but one of those losses came when Dubey was missing, and we bet if he were there a couple weeks ago he would have gotten that last snap off in time against Grey Hair - Don't Care...


#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 42-34

There are no more undefeated teams in the TSL this season as Burr scored 34 for Untouchaballs in a losing effort against Freeballers.  It seems more and more likely that these two teams are destined to meet in the D3 championship game, as they're the only two teams in that division with both winning records AND a positive point differential.  


#9 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 42-34 (Freeballers)

The Jewish Prince slayed a giant this week leading Freeballers over previously undefeated Untouchaballs.  If the Freeballers win out, they'll be the #1 seed in D3 for playoffs.  We wonder who would win a game between Freeballers and Bullet Club right now with Dylan playing all-time QB?


#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Number ten in our QB rankings, maybe number... five in our ref rankings?


#11 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Did Garrett ever end up getting that TSL tattoo, or did we not raise enough money?  Remind us how that story ended...?


#12 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Beat Sleezin Szn 47-46, lost to Freeballers 47-0

What the absolute fuck happened here?  How do you score 47 in one game (winning by a single point) and then score 0 in the next (losing by 47)?  Say what you will about the inconsistency of the QB made famous for "throwing picks and sexting dicks" but at least their defense was consistent... consistently bad, giving up 46 and 47 in consecutive games.  


#13 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 28-16 (TEIM), beat Show Me Dem TDs 41-15 (Buffalo Vice)

It feels like we're evaluating two entirely different guys every week with Seth.  TEIM is averaging 17.8 PPG in games Seth has started (all losses), while Buffalo Vice is on a three-game winning streak during which they're averaging 39.7 PPG.  Our Committee is split on how to reconcile those two facts, with some of us wanting him higher and some of us wanting him lower.  #13 is the compromise here.


#14 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 45-25

In the words of Scotty Dro, "B is a winner and winners win.  Tbh idk how he's ranked so low.  It's 2022, leave your prejudices in the past you piece of shit".  Can't argue with that!  A 20-point win over the Stunts has Practice Squad tied for first place with Vaspian.  In a division with six 3-3 teams scratching and clawing to make playoffs, B's leadership has Practice Squad a step above the rest.


#15 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 30-23

Spinelli's scored a combined 108 points in their first two starts as we anointed them the darlings of D4.  They've scored a combined 52 points in their last two starts, both losses.  The new jerseys look incredible, but they were dominating in black.  Time to rack up some wins in the new colors Nick.  


#16 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Did Not Play

It seems like there hasn't been a good Moser controversy this season yet.  It's coming, right?


#17 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Beat Spinelli's Plumbing 30-23

Puckett has recovered nicely from their three-game losing streak to drop back to back W's against Zack Attack and Spinelli's Plumbing.  This is what they do, right?  Underperform all regular season, then turn into world beaters for playoffs?  The formula seems to work for them. 


#18 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Lost to 4th & Something 47-46

Sleezin Szn can't seem to win a game despite scoring an obscene amount of points this week.  This is their second 40+ scoring game that they've lost already, and we wouldn't be shocked to see another high scoring loss to Freeballers again next week.  Look, these guys are WAY too good to go winless.  They ALSO play Show Me Dem TDs next week, and if that isn't a guaranteed win, we don't know what is.


#19 Jeff Jenkins - XMD

Last Week:  Beat TOX 26-14, lost to Cunning Stunts 50-20

Allegedly Jeff missed the Stunts massacre, and then showed up to beat TOX in their second game of the day.  XMD is the lowest 3-3 team in our standings (we will never understand website tie-breakers) and if the playoffs started today, they'd be on the outside looking in.  We'd bet a bucket of High Noons that they make the Big Dance in the end.


#20 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 42-20

Well look who finally decided to show up.  After skipping half the season with an injury, Topper has now tested out that ancient arm of his and decided to give it a go.  The results have not been what you'd call "great" as When Dove Cries has gone 0-2 with their QB1 under center.  We still think he's the 20th best QB in the League right now though, rust and all.


#21 Joe Miano - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Beat Varsity Has Beens 36-33

How many of these 3-3 teams in D4 are we going to have to cover?? Seems like an endless string of middle-of-the-pack contenders in this division.  What do the stats say about ILF, let's see... well, they're 7th in their division in scoring and 8th in their division in defense.  Also, of the six .500 teams in this division, the Falcons are the only team with a negative point differential, which doesn't bode well for future success.


#22 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 24-0

Darryl was missing half his team on Saturday and still could have won by 50 if he wanted.  Cobblestone is alone in first place in D5 right now with a 6-1 record and OH BY THE WAY they also have the second-best defense in the entire TSL, allowing only 17.3 PPG.  This is your time, Cobblestone, you've waited long enough for a championship.


#23 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week:  Beat Southside 65-14

Speaking of teams that could have won by 50 if they wanted, this team DID win by 50 on Saturday and could have made it much worse.  Travis Henry's Kids just annihilated Southside in every way possible on Saturday.  They're the class of D6 right now and they're ready to move on and show that they can win D5 next season also.  Langley cannot be stopped.


#24 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This 

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 43-12

Can't Touch This scored 33 total points in their first three games, all losses.  They've scored 110 in their last three games, all wins.  It takes some time for new teams to figure out how to win.  Looks like Ryan Dougherty got there in about three games.  This team is certainly trending up and ready to break away from the rest of the pack in the middle of the D4 standings.


#25 Blake Fisher - Red Zone Mafia

Last Week:  Lost to Tater Tots 25-20, lost to 716 19-6

This was not a great week for Red Zone Mafia, losing both games of a doubleheader and scoring only 26 total points in the process.  Sounds ugly.  We're just assuming they were missing people, because this looks nothing like the Red Zone Mafia that we'd seen in previous weeks.  One bad week is okay, two bad weeks is a trend, so we'll see what kind of team shows up against top ranked Cobblestone next week.


#26 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian

Last Week:  Lost to Zack Attack 18-12

Vaspian finally suffered their first loss of the season, though they're still in first place in their division.  Every week we wonder if Brian is too low in the QB Rankings, but their offense is 37th in the TSL and their defense is 1st at an amazingly low 16.3 PPG.  Defense is carrying this team today, but Brian is plenty good enough to give them a boost in the playoffs.


#27 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack

Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 18-12

Zack Attack won the defensive battle of the season last week against Vaspian to move to 3-3 on the season.  They're the third best defense in the TSL at 17.3 PPG allowed but their points for is only 18.3 PPG, so a pretty narrow margin to work with every week.  If Zack Attack can get something going on offense (suggestion: more throws to Misty) they could really make some noise in the playoffs.


#28 Derek Pew - 716

Last Week:  Beat Red Zone Mafia 19-6, lost to TMA 28-22

We have shamefully neglected Derek Pew in our QB Rankings so far this season despite the fact that 716 is leading D5 in scoring at 32.7 PPG.  Sorry Derek!  716 also leads their division in point differential at +15.0 PPG, so we should be giving them a little more credit all around as championship contenders too...


#29 Andy Clark - Show Me Dem TDs

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 41-15

Andy Clark has a cannon for an arm and he has played some great football in the TSL in the past.  Having said that, it hasn't translated into much so far THIS season for Show Me Dem TDs, who are averaging 16.0 PPG (last in their division by a mile).  In fact, they could score 75 points in their next game and STILL be last in D3 scoring.  Since we've seen Andy light it up in the past, we have to assume it's his receivers' fault.  Get it together, TDs!


#30 Kyle Sims - Today's Feast

Last Week:  Lost to Can't Touch This 43-12

We don't know a lot about Kyle Sims.  This is what happens when teams don't write to us to tell us about their QBs.  But we hear he's the quarterback for Today's Feast, who are doing much better this season than last.  Sure, they're only 2-4, but D4 is a tight division and they're still very much in contention to make playoffs.  Kyle has more points per game than four other QBs ranked ahead of him on this chart, so their win-loss record is probably more on their defense (10th in D4) than their offense.  





Graphs and Stats of the Week

We're clearly pretty fond of this colorized "points scored per game" graphic we've shown a couple times already this season, so we're going to give you the same (updated) graph this week.  BUT we'll also show you a "points against per game" graph this week so you can see how bad your defense is too.  No, we didn't include the Buffalo Bills SuperBowl seasons in the defense graph... listen, these "Male Receivers" type rankings we're about to get to take up a lot of our time, and Topper doesn't give us the interns we need to get all this done each week by Thursday.  You're lucky you're getting any of these graphs honestly.




Why does your team's defense look so bad?  Have you tried batting away the other team's passes?



The Greatest Male Players (Non-QB) in the TSL


Oh boy.  If last week's Greatest Female Players rankings were any indication, it seems like no one is ever happy with their ranking (unless they're #1...  Hi Melanie!).  We expect more of the same from this week's Greatest Male Players rankings.  We'll try to recognize you by pointing out how great you are (that is the point of this segment after all), you'll complain we didn't recognize you ENOUGH by ranking you ahead of everyone else, and then you'll bitch about how we don't know what we're talking about, how this is all just a popularity contest and biased against you because blah blah blah.  Oh, and you probably didn't even respond to our numerous requests to send in your votes and let your voice be heard, did you?  You had your chance.  We're sorry your peers don't think you're as good as you do.  Just keep in mind when you're whining to your friends and teammates about your rank, they're probably thinking "at least he GOT ranked, why does no one ever notice me?".


With that said, here's a reminder of what we're looking for on our "Greatest Male Players (Non-QB)" list:


So that's our criteria.  First, some honorable mentions of people that were suggested by MULTIPLE Power Rankings Committee members and/or write-in votes.  Sorry if you wrote to us to suggest someone we didn't include; if you were the ONLY one that mentioned him, you won't see his name below.  The following honorable mentions are not ranked, but in alphabetical order by last name:


And now... your top Twenty Male Players (Non-QB) in the TSL (actually 21 because we had a tie in our voting for the last spot):


T - #20: Pete Walbrandt - Travis Henry's Kids

"Nobody knows about Pete because he plays in D6!"  That was probably true once, but not anymore.  Pete is a D1 talent playing for Travis Henry's Kids, and he's John Langley's go-to guy.  Just a fantastic athlete with the speed and athleticism to shine on both sides of the ball.  THK will be winning championships soon and if you haven't had your ass kicked by Pete Walbrandt yet, just wait, because it's coming.


T - #20: George Lombardo - Grey Hair - Don't Care, Freeballers

George is a natural athlete and a tremendously versatile player that can do whatever his team asks of him.  He is the perfect combination of size, speed and playmaking ability, and he'll rip a contested ball out of the other team's hands on one play and then make a one-handed touchdown catch on the next.


#19: Matt Helm - The Untouchaballs

Matt is the Untouchaballs top option, and a big part of the reason Jeremy Burr looks halfway decent out there.  When Burr gets in trouble and he needs a play, Matt is usually the look.  It’s no surprise that Untouchaballs seem to struggle when he is out of the lineup like he was last year in the playoffs.


#18: Mike Rawdin - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Mike has grown from a young D5 player into one of the better two-way athletes in the league. He holds himself to a very high standard and works hard every year to better himself, morphing from "just an athlete" to an instinctive and intelligent player.  He doesn’t just play the game, he understands the game, and he puts his body on the line to make the difficult catch.  Rawdog wants the ball in his hands when the game is on the line, and routinely delivers.


#17: Ron Webber - TMA

Ron is one of the most underrated players in the league that people who play in higher divisions don't know about (yet).  The newest D6 Champ, Ron Webber is TMA's go-to player.  When they need a play or a touchdown on sixth down, Ron is usually the guy.  When he drops a ball, the team goes quiet in disbelief (which doesn’t happen often).  Mr. Reliable is constantly open and constantly making plays.  Something every team needs.


#16: Travis Cleavenger - Legends, DILFS

When Travis isn't busy screaming at Garbacz or running circles around pass rushers in Breakfast Club, he moonlights as one of the best defensive players in the TSL.  He has the field vision and instincts to understand what an opposing offense is trying to do and then the speed and athleticism to take it away.  He's no slouch offensively either and always seems to find cracks in the other team's defense (whether Joey sees him or not).


#15: Keyon Elias - Passed Our Prime

Keyon has been Hogan's most reliable weapon over the years on Passed Our Prime.  His combination of speed and hands is tough to beat as he just needs the smallest crack in a defense to explode into an open spot and make the catch.  His strength is definitely on the offensive side of the ball but he's a very capable defender also with the instincts and closing speed to make a play on any ball that comes his way.


#14: Kevin Zack - Sticky Bandits, DILFS

Kevin Zack is a matchup nightmare, and impossible to defend.  You just cannot play man defense against him with his speed, and he is the best underneath and traffic route runner in the league.  When the ball is in his hands you need an army of defenders to catch and corral him or he'll run circles around a defense.  Effort is never a question with Kevin as he is routinely going all-out diving around the field to make catches or break up passes.


#13: Johnny Yioulos - Eyes Downtown, Scared Hitless

Johnny Football was an "honorable mention" when we did our Greatest Male Players ranking last season, but he's vaulted up to the #13 spot this session.  Every time we reach out to the League and ask which players are really standing out to people, they always tend to mention Johnny's name.  Speed, route running, hands, Johnny is the total package and just an excellent football player who makes his teams flat out better.


#12: Dave Baker - Tight Ends in Motion, Notorious BNB

Dave has been in the "Top Male Players" mix for at least the last decade.  He has a well-deserved reputation as the smartest player in the game, and he routinely finds ways to beat players who are taller, younger and faster than he is.  No one sees the field like "Daddy Dave" and knows exactly how to attack the other team.  Even when he's not making the big play himself, he's drawing up the scheme that opens up one of his teammates to have success.  There isn't a team in this League that wouldn't benefit from his play-making instincts.  


#11: Eric Delecki - Eyes Downtown

Eric Delecki is one of the driving forces of Eyes Downtown's success.  He is "the guy" his defense relies on to make a play, and opposing offenses often have to gameplan around him if they want to have any success.  His instincts are incredible, and he often makes a play when the other team is least expecting it, completely changing the complexion of a game in the blink of an eye.  When Bobby needs a big play, Delecki is no slouch on offense either, finding a hole in a zone or just running past the poor defense.


#10: Andy Smigiera - Tight Ends in Motion

What else do you expect when a guy allegedly gets a tryout for an NFL team?  He has speed and athletic ability that could take it to the house at any point.  Andy has only been playing in the league for a few sessions, but he has become a household name already for Tight Ends.  This is a guy you don’t want to throw the ball anywhere near when you're on offense, and a guy you game plan for on defense.  You have to know where he is at all times or he'll embarrass you.


#9: Drew Colosimo - When Dove Cries, Sticky Bandits

Once the Intern, Drew has become a fixture on Topper's teams over the years and now the Sticky Bandits in D1.  You can see his goalie instincts in the way he plays the game of football.  Drew has big hands, long arms, and his catch radius is ridiculous (which you need when Topper is throwing the ball).  He shines more on offense than defense but even there he has the speed and instincts to jump a route and make a quarterback look silly.


#8: Kyle Conniff - Tight Ends in Motion, Passed Our Prime

Kyle is another two-way player that just shouldn’t come off the field, as he is too vital to his team on both sides of the field.  As good is he is on offense (precise route running and making great catches look routine) he is probably even better on defense.  He's impossible to shake and can man just about anyone in the league and shut them down.  He knows his zone, and his communication is top notch.  Kyle is a guy you want on the field captaining a last-minute defensive stand.


#7: Nick Voss - Grey Hair - Don't Care, 716

The MVP of D3 has moved up to D2 and hasn't slowed down a bit.  He used his speed (and anonymity) to beat players in D3 and now that he's in D2 he has become the #1 go-to player on his team.  Nick is the person that teams now gameplan against when they play Grey Hair, and yet he still gets it done.  He has the speed and athleticism to make difficult catches look easy, and the anticipation and speed to make up and close down passing lanes.  Nick is the first person on this list to have been named on every QB Committee member's ballot.


#6: "Stoner" Dave Gdaniec - Tight Ends in Motion

Stoner Dave is the perfect combination of speed and intensity for Tight Ends in Motion.  He routinely makes difficult catches when the ball is thrown anywhere near him, and he has the speed on both sides of the ball to make plays that you didn't think he'd be even close to.  Stoner is a cannabis fueled Terminator who never tires and leaves it all out on the field every week.


#5: Chris Nelson - Legends

Chris is the best pure athlete in the TSL.  You've seen him play, you know how fast he is and that his catch radius is seemingly endless.  Every opponent Chris plays against has to account for him at all times on both sides of the ball.  He may not have the weekly consistent productivity of the players ranked above him as he seems to coast through games sometimes, but in terms of raw potential on any given play, there is no one in the League who is better than Chris Nelson.  


#4: Adrian Cannon - Sticky Bandits, TOX

Adrian is a relative newcomer in the league who is just getting started.  Every opponent says the same thing after every game: he's not just fast, he seems to "glide" around the field.  He always gets the defense taking three steps back before the ball is snapped because they're terrified that he's going to run right past them.  Adrian is a terrific route runner and equally capable in man coverage.  A couple years down the line this guy may be the next “Boccio” that the League uses as it's standard for greatness.


#3: Derek Bongiovanni - Tight Ends in Motion

Derek is like 6’4” (we're guessing), runs fast as hell and just routinely gets behind the defense.  Teams try to gameplan for him but are consistently surprised and caught off guard by his deep speed.  Just when you think you've shut Tight Ends in Motion down, it's Derek for a deep ball that you ALMOST had covered but he pulls it down out of nowhere.  He isn't particularly known for his defense, but he's very capable on both sides of the ball.  Also one of the nicest guys in the League, Derek is universally respected by teammates and opponents alike.


#2: Mike Boccio - Legends

What can we say about Boccio that you haven't heard before?  This guy has won countless MVP’s in the highest division.  He is a true two way player with the brainpower to make his physical attributes even more dangerous.  He has speed, intelligence, and route running to make him a nightmare to cover, and he has the speed and intelligence on defense to make adjustments and make up speed when he is beat.  His instincts can be game changing, and although this season he lost the Cole-to-Boccio connection that made him famous, he's still one of the best players in the game.


#1: Sean Weisensal - Legends, Passed Our Prime

Pound for pound Sean may be the top athlete in the game today.  He is a nightmare on offense with the speed, power, height and jumping ability to catch any ball thrown his way, even when coverage is perfect.  If you need a play on offense and you need one of your guys to GO GET THAT BALL, he is the guy you want to be throwing it to.  Defensively he has the range and the instincts to make plays all over the field, and despite his reputation he still tends to be underestimated a bit because teams don't think a guy his size will move that quickly.  He's currently the #1 non-QB Male Player in the TSL, and if you have any questions feel free to ask him, he'd be happy to tell you why he's the greatest.



So now that you've seen our Greatest Male (Non-QB) Players rankings and decided it's all bullshit ("I've never even heard of these guys!  I'm so much better than all these other players!  And since when does Stoner Dave have a last name?") we'll take this time to remind you that you HAD your chance to weigh in on these Rankings and you probably didn't.  We've been advertising this for months and sent a reminder on Facebook as well.  At this point there's nothing you can do about it... BUT you still have a chance to weigh in on our next "Rankings".  Next week we'll be looking at the Division All-Star Teams, which are 10 man rosters constructed from the best of each division (each team will have at least one player represented, except D4 which has a dozen teams).  If you've got thoughts and want to highlight who your team's all-star(s) should be, let us know this week before it's too late.

Categories for the rest of the season are as follows:




That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team's QB should be ranked higher?  you had a good game in D6 last week and you think it's not fair that D1 athletes get more coverage than you?  you find Scotty Dro's "throwing picks and sexting dicks" line offensive?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!


What’s YOUR ranking?