Week 7 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 10 June 2021 18:45

Published: Thursday, 10 June 2021 18:45

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 13

"The more difficult the victory, the greater the happiness in winning." - Pele

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Only ONE WEEK remains in the 2021 Spring Session, and the playoff picture is coming together.  If we're looking at the Standings correctly, it SEEMS like only four of our teams have been eliminated from playoff contention (Scared Hitless, Not So Sticky, Woodpeckers and Juiced) with one week to go.  For everyone else, dreams of playoff glory survive for at least another week.  

This is what we have for you below:

• The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 35 in the League, our most expansive Power Rankings in the history of this article.  More QB coverage than ever!
• Stats and Charts - Earlier this season we took a look at the "Best and Worst" of the TSL in terms of offense and defense.  Now that the season is almost over, let's check back in on who our most dominant (and least dominant) teams are.
• Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Seven TSL QB Power Rankings:

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 31-26

There's no asterisk next to this one as TEIM once again beat Public Enemy.  Yes, we know that P.E. didn't have ALL their players, we know that Cole had to play defense.  But they had enough, and Tight Ends in Motion (who were missing plenty of their own stars) STILL pulled it off.  It looks like the days of "TEIM can't beat Public Enemy" are in the past.  Tight Ends in Motion is now the team to beat this session in D1, and if you didn't agree that Bro belonged in this spot before, he should have changed your mind this week.

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 31-26

Public Enemy is 0-2 against TEIM this session and they're 26th in the League in scoring.  No one is going to remember either of those things a month from now if they win the D1 championship for the tenth time (No, we don't actually know how many they've won... we wish we had better records.)  The playoffs are all that matters for this team (what more do they have to prove in the regular season?) and barring a complete collapse next week, Public Enemy will have a first round bye.  

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 42-31, beat Sticky Bandits 33-22

Eyes Downtown are the only team to have beaten TEIM this season, and they lost to Public Enemy by a single score.  The "narrative" of D1 this session might be Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown, but there IS a third contender capable of beating both of those teams, and they've got one of the sharpest QBs in the game in Bobby McConnell leading the charge.  Don't be surprised if Bobby flips the script in the playoffs and makes this season the one where he takes back his crown.

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 41-16

Peachy Platoon wasn't rattled last week when they had to win with three girls; they weren't rattled this week when they fell behind early just to rattle off 41 unanswered points in a dominating comeback win.  These guys have now won six in a row since starting 0-1-1, and it starts with their human highlight reel Quarterback.  We're expecting Dean to finish the season with his seventh win in a row... and then maybe to run it up to ten with a D2 championship later this month.

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin that end zone 43-28 (Losing Streak), lost to TMA 54-8 (Victorious Secret)

Still the highest scoring team in D2 (and fifth highest scoring in the TSL), Losing Streak is on a five game winning streak of their own and on a potential collision course with Peachy Platoon in the D2 finals.  Jordan hasn't lost (at least not with Losing Streak) in over a month, and has their team confident in their playoff prospects going into the last week of the regular season.  A win over XTC next week would wrap up a 7-2 campaign, which is pretty remarkable for a team in its first season in the TSL.

#6 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 41-36, beat Scared Hitless 34-22 (Mountain Dew Me), lost to Itches and Ohs 51-24

Cunning Stunts is no longer undefeated NOR are they the highest scoring team in the League anymore (we'll get to that team later) but M.D.M. picked up a pair of wins and Joey scored 99 points on the day (sounds exhausting), so not a terrible Saturday for our former (and future) Villain of the Year.  Mountain Dew Me and Cunning Stunts should both be strong contenders to win their divisions this year, and we're certain Joey will be as graceful as ever in victory.

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 51-16, lost to Eyes Downtown 33-22

The Sticky Bandits are 4-1 and have an average point differential of +18.6 PPG against teams NOT named Public Enemy or TEIM.  They're also 0-4 and have an average point differential of -25.3 PPG against teams that ARE named Public Enemy or TEIM.  This was a great debut season in D1 for Sticky Nation, and Mike has surprised many with how well he's adjusted since making the leap from D2.  They're going to need some tricks up their sleeves if they want to compete with the top dogs in the playoffs though.

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Alex has the week off, and Sloppy Seconds falls to Eyes Downtown for the third time this season.  His Power Ranking remains unchanged.

#9 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 57-56, beat Show Me Dem TDs 34-0

What's more impressive: a 34 point shutout win, or a 1 point shootout win where you needed to score 57 to narrowly pull off the W?  Whatever you prefer, Travis had them both this week, so he rises three spots in the Power Rankings.  Is A&A planning on giving Matty the job back for playoffs, or is this Travis's team to lead now?  We have no idea, but either way Travis will be throwing for at least ONE team that's expected to make a serious playoff push.

#10 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 39-21, beat Vaspian 37-6

TopShot is the last undefeated team in the League, the fourth highest scoring offense in the TSL, the best defense in the TSL, and the best point differential in the TSL.  Not a bad team!  A pair of wins over Frodo and Vaspian this week has TopShot one game away from an undefeated regular season, and that looks to be an immediate rematch against Frodo Swaggins (who will presumably have their quarterback this time).  Win or lose, Dylan has easily locked up the #1 seed for TopShot with playoffs looming.

#11 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play (after Breakfast Club)

The TSL's favorite shoe-less shorts-less Quarterback (sorry Travis) left the fields early on Saturday so didn't get to play beyond Breakfast Club.  Next week's Frodo Swaggins vs. TopShot rematch should determine which D3 Quarterback finishes with the better spot in our final Rankings of the year.

#12 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No action from Dubey this week as XTC has the week off.

#13 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 36-6

Topper made excuses for his losses when he "had to play four games in a day" (even though he makes the schedules)... so what's his excuse for scoring only 6 points in one game this weekend?  Too much chlorine in his eyes from the dunk tank?  TOX looks unlikely to win a playoff game this session, but When Dove Cries still has a little more life in them.  They could finish as high as 6-2-1 next week, or as low as 4-4-1, so we'll see what kind of team they really are.

#14 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 41-16

Bullet Club loses their sixth game in a row and falls to 2-6 on their once promising season.  What happened here?  Allowing 35.5 PPG certainly isn't helping Bullet Club, but the offense isn't performing as well as it needs to either, as their 26.8 PPG are only 8th in the division.  It's not impossible that they miss the playoffs, which would have been unthinkable when they were sitting at 2-0.  Does Bullet Club get Scotty some more help next season... or are they looking for his replacement instead?

#15 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 57-56, lost to Mountain Dew Me 41-36

Passed Our Prime is 7th in the entire TSL in offensive PPG, and yet they have a 1-6 record.  They scored 92 points this week, and went 0-2.  Excluding P.O.P., the rest of the Top Twenty best offenses in the league have a combined record of 109-36, while Passed Our Prime, once again, is 1-6.  What we're trying to say here is that the defense is letting this team down HARD, with a League worst 49.0 PPG allowed (by FAR the worst in the TSL).  Olsen can play.  His defense cannot.

#16 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 43-28

Slytherin's mediocre defense (5th in their division) is "carrying" them to a 3-5 record in spite of their struggling offense (9th in their division).  Did they lose people in the off-season?  Someone will have to explain to us how this prolific offense suddenly fell apart, because we don't get it.  Newman's still a great QB... right?  

#17 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 46-20, beat Buffalo Vice 32-23

The Jabronies are heating up at the right time, as Joe picks up wins over the Woodpeckers (yawn) and Buffalo Vice (impressive!).  This team struggles with attendance it seems, but when they have a full roster of capable athletes, Miano makes them absolutely dangerous.  They're not the "favorites" for D4 in most peoples eyes... but maybe they should be.

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 34-7

B picks up a dominating win this week and Practice Squad run their record to 6-2, tied for second best in their division.  There are six teams with winning records in what looks to be a pretty wide open field in D4, but B gives Practice Squad that veteran edge that could prove to make all the difference in tight playoff games.  We can't wait to see the Godfather's playoff odds for each team next week, but Practice Squad shouldn't be far behind anyone.

#19 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 32-23

Buffalo Vice is right in the thick of the D4 playoff race, and this week's loss to Jabronies didn't help their cause.  The #1 seed is guaranteed an easy first round matchup with TOX, the #2 seed is likely to play Cobblestone, and then the #3-6 seeds are going to be a bloodbath as there are so many talented two-loss teams in this division right now.  Andy still has three games to play next week (if they're all scheduled) and how he plays will determine how difficult the Buffalo Vice playoff path becomes.

#20 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Lost to Wolfpack 31-20

The Top Ten in our Power Rankings seems like a lifetime ago for Vince Taverna, as Quinn drops to 3-3 on the season with a loss to Wolfpack.  AWDIQ have scored 2 more points than they've allowed on the season, and they look like the definition of mediocrity at this point.  Difficult to imagine them pulling off the upset of TopShot or Frodo Swaggins, but stranger things have happened.

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 34-22

Scared Hitless won't be winning back-to-back championships this season as they were eliminated from playoff contention by Mountain Dew Me this week. It was a rough adjustment season for Dylan and Co this year, as it often is when you move up a division.  But although they lost more than they won, they actually had a lot of close games this season, nearly beating some top contenders along the way.  Scared Hitless gets one more chance for glory against A&A this week, and then the offseason gives them some time to reflect and retool for next season.

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat the Bambs 32-0

ILF crushed a short handed Bambs this week for an easy win, and Dave Baker keeps his spot in the QB Power Rankings.  The Falcons finish their season against Puckett All-Stars, who beat them just a couple backs back.  Dave understands that confidence is everything heading into the playoffs, so expect him to pull out a gutsy performance to lock up a 6-3 season as the Falcons soar to their best record yet.

#23 T.J. Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Wasted Potential 34-33, beat the Bambs 42-40

We always seem to neglect someone super talented until WAY too late in the season.  Last week we finally recognized Zack Elphick, and this week we are LONG overdue in covering T.J. Ferguson in our Power Rankings (thank you Sentinel for pointing this out).  Puckett All-Stars are one game out of first place in D5, and they are the highest scoring non-gender team in the division as well.  Why haven't we ranked T.J. until now?  Our mistake, but we've corrected it now.  This team has more wins than anyone in D5 (Breast Friends keeps collecting forfeit wins) and they'll likely be the favorites once playoffs start in a couple weeks.

#24 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 34-33

Wasted Potential started the season 3-1 and have since dropped four straight games.  We still think they're a good team (no team with Coach Jay leading the charge will ever NOT be a "good team") but if the playoffs started today their first round matchup would be against Puckett All-Stars, against whom they've already lost twice.  A five game losing streak is going to be tough to overcome in the playoffs, so look for Coach Jay to find a way to pull off the win against the Bambs this week.

#25 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No action from Darryl this week as Cobblestone has the week off.  Darryl presumably spent the weekend shooting Corona endorsements instead.

#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Lost to University Wealth Management 37-8

Okay.  We need to talk about this.  How does a 7-0 team lose BADLY to an 0-7 team that it beat BADLY just the week before?  There must be a story here, because if this is "real" (i.e. no missing players, no sub shenanigans) then this is one of the most shocking upsets we have ever seen in touch football.  You know the betting line we gave to the Godfather last week was Zack Attack by 33?  And the Godfather predicted it would actually be 40?  We were wrong by 62 and 69 points.  Unheard of.  

#27 Nolan Perry - the Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 38-25

The Untouchaballs beat Frodo Swaggins this week!  Those wins are always more impressive when Garrett is actually present, but you can only beat the players that show up to play you, as we always say.  Untouchaballs are 3-5, but in D3 that's actually right in the thick of the playoff race, as they're essentially only one game out of third place (only two teams have winning records).  Nolan's playing well and getting better every week.  It's not impossible that the 'Balls (gross nickname) can make some noise in the playoffs this year.

#28 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Beat the Angels 33-28

Beating the Angels doesn't have the same luster it used to when Matty was under center, but it's still an incredible group of athletes to come out on top against.  Grey Hair - Don't Care is 4-4 and in third place in D3 right now, a game behind Frodo Swaggins for second place.  Eickhoff's a savvy vet and should be a difficult out in the playoffs... but we're not sure that they (or anyone else in D3) have got the consistency to take out TopShot.

#29 George Lombardo - Freeballers - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

George was not available this week for Freeballers, who won 36-6 in his absence.

#30 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat Lenny's Ladies 38-16

Finally, we reach the #1 highest scoring team in the entire TSL at 41.4 PPG.  Yes, Nick is Power Ranked 30th despite scoring more points than anyone else, which is what happens when you play in D6.  But we're not convinced he couldn't beat a lot of other QBs in higher divisions with the way he's been playing lately.  Spinelli's and Tater Tots are FINALLY set to battle it out for the #1 seed in D6 next week, and we'll spoil it for you right now: whichever QB wins that game will be the higher ranked in next week's final Power Rankings.

#31 Mark Harzynski - Tater Tots - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat Graves Bros 22-20

Tater Tots win again, and although Mark doesn't have the same stats as Nick (Tater Tots are 19th in the League offensively) he DOES have them sitting at the same 7-1 record heading into the final game of the season.  We'll copy and paste from the above: "Spinelli's and Tater Tots are FINALLY set to battle it out for the #1 seed in D6 next week, and we'll spoil it for you right now: whichever QB wins that game will be the higher ranked in next week's final Power Rankings."  Should be a great battle.

#32 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #32)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Brian didn't play this week, but Vaspian remains one of the more underrated teams in the League.  They play in a challenging D3 so their 1-6 record doesn't reflect it, but they're really not a bad team, and if they dropped down to D4 they might be right in the thick of that playoff race.  If they choose to stay in D3 next session they'll probably need a couple more pieces around Brian to be competitive, but they're not that far off.  Brian is a good player and remains in the #32 spot in the Power Rankings this week.

#33 Ward Blewitt - Wolfpack - (Previous Rank #36)

Last Week:  Beat All We Do is Quinn 31-20

Wolfpack struggled early in the season, but they've got two wins in a row now over AWDIQ and Grey Hair - Don't Care, and were three points away from a win over the Angels before that.  If they're figuring out how to win at this point in the season against some pretty decent teams, that's encouraging for their playoff chances.  Also, can we talk about how much everyone LIKES Ward?  If you don't know him, he's one of the nicest guys in the League, which makes him easy to root for.

#34 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #35)

Last Week:  Beat the BiPolar Express 38-24

John Langley, our D6 Division All-Star choice at QB, is finally getting his recognition in our QB Power Rankings this week.  John has one of the strongest arms in the League, and has led Travis Henry's Kids to some impressive comeback wins this season.  THK still seem like they're a half step behind Spinelli's and the Tots in D6, but John is a good enough QB to potentially pull off the big upset in the playoffs.  Keep an eye on these guys.

#35 Mike Boccio - Not a Starting QB, Anywhere - (Previous Rank: Not Ranked, of course)

Last Week:  Beat the Stone Cold Kellers / Keller Whales 43-8

What the hell is Mike Boccio doing in our QB Power Rankings?  He's not even a "real" quarterback.  We can only assume he was inspired by his selection to the D1 All-Star Team in last week's article and tried QBing in Breakfast Club this week in a desperate attempt to get mentioned again.  Regardless... he actually did (surprisingly) really well, scoring 43 points against the Stone Cold Keller Whales (we're using their full, unofficial name) and leading Drive Me CURRazy to a big win.  No, we don't think he's good enough to hold on to the job (Brian > Bocc)... but maybe he's good enough to take Tommy's back-up QB job on Public Enemy?  

***

Stats and Charts: The Best and Worst of the TSL

A few weeks ago we gave you a chart with the Top Ten Best (and Worst) offenses and defenses in the TSL.  We're going to give you something a little bigger this time... the full ranking of EVERY team's Offensive and Defensive rankings so far this season.  There are 52 teams excluding Breakfast Club, so you may have to zoom in quite a bit to find your team, especially if (like most of you) you're reading this from your phone.

We've color coded the chart to make it easier (we hope) to see not only how you stack up against the rest of the TSL, but also your own division rivals.  As always, we've removed forfeit wins and losses from each team's totals.

Enjoy!

What did we learn from this?

Spinelli's Plumbing vs Tater Tots will be the battle of elite offense vs elite defense this week

TopShot and Tight Ends in Motion are in first place for a reason, as they rate well on both charts.

Passed Our Prime's defense is just SO much worse than everyone else's.

In prior years we've seen a division be REALLY offense heavy (see: last year's D4 with the Angels, Stunts, Buffalo Solar and Uncle Rico's) or really defense heavy, but this year it seems like a much more even distribution, as each division has some great teams on each side of the ball.  Take a look at the average points each team is scoring by game in each division below:  D3 is the lowest scoring and D2 is the highest, but the difference is negligible.

Look at your division above - if you're scoring more points per game than your average, your QB is probably doing a decent job and you should stop blaming him for your bad record.  If you're scoring WAY fewer points than that... well, maybe you start thinking about free agency for a new QB next Fall.

**

Final Observations

• There were three undefeated teams last week... and two of them lost this week!  Your LAST remaining undefeated team is TopShot in D3.  Maybe they should have tried D2 after all?
• There were three winless teams last week... and one of them actually won last week!  Your two remaining winless teams are Why So Serious? (D1) and Juiced (D6).  One chance for glory left next week.
• The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Top Shot at 8 games in a row.  
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious at 9 games in a row, dating back to last Fall.  University Wealth Management previously HAD the longest losing streak in the League (15 games, dating back to last Fall) but pulled off the stunning upset over undefeated Zack Attack this week.  Amazing. 
• There have been 8 shutouts so far this season, including Public Enemy over Sticky Bandits (33-0), Freeballers over Woodpeckers (30-0), Tater Tots over Lenny's Ladies (52-0), Cobblestone over Woodpeckers (30-0), Freeballers over Itches and Ohs (51-0), Zack Attack over University Wealth Management (38-0), ILF over Bambs (32-0), and Breast Friends over Show Me Dem TDs (34-0).  This does not include 3 forfeits this season (which are marked as 21-0 scores), including Bambs to Breast Friends, Show me dem TDs to Breast Friends, and Why So Serious to Sticky Bandits.
• Freeballers are the only team with two "legitimate" shutout wins (Breast Friends somehow has two forfeit wins and one actual shutout win, so three of their games with "zero points allowed"), and Woodpeckers are the only team with two "legitimate" shutout losses (the Bambs have a forfeit shutout and an actual shutout).  The Sticky Bandits have a true shutout loss, and a forfeit shutout win.   
• How would our Power Rankings change if we included Breakfast Club?  Does Travis get more respect as the only undefeated Breakfast Club QB1?  Does Garrett Beesing take a hit for the winless Steph It Up a Notch season?

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you think our charts are a letdown after last week's controversial Division All Star teams?  you want more/less coverage of Boccio's quest to be #1 in the QB Power Rankings?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 5 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 26 May 2021 18:22

Published: Wednesday, 26 May 2021 18:22

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 18

"Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it." – George S. Halas

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  We're 156 combined games into the season with 78 left to go, and by now we've got a pretty good sense of who's the BEST of the BEST, and who's... well, not in our Power Rankings.  This week we're going to look at the following:

• The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 25 in the League
• Division by Division Point Differential Analysis - Separating favorites from contenders to pretenders
• Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Five TSL QB Power Rankings:

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 35-1, beat Why So Serious 40-23, beat Wolfpack 35-32 (subbing for The Angels)

Bro is now the #1 quarterback in the TSL Power Rankings.  Is this a controversial choice?  Some will say it is, and argue that he STILL hasn't beaten Cole, which is true.  They'll say he has an amazing surrounding cast, an incredible defense, and he's not doing it all by himself.  Of course, those statements are all true of Chris Cole as well.  But it was impossible NOT to rank Bro #1 this week, because he has the complete trifecta right now:  Best record in D1?  Check.  Best offensive points per game in D1, and best offense in the entire TSL excluding gender teams?  Check.  Head to head win over his strongest rival team?  Check.  You can put an asterisk next to that last one if you want - Cole wasn't there this week when TEIM annihilated Public Enemy.  But Bro doesn't have to apologize to anyone.  He beat the team that showed up, smoking the sixth best defense in the League in the process.  He's earned this.

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Did Not Play (Public Enemy lost to Tight Ends in Motion 35-1)

The only thing that can defeat Cole in the Power Rankings apparently is his own absence.  He loses the top spot after a near record 8 consecutive weeks at #1.  The record he was chasing was of course his own, from when he once held the #1 ranking for 10 consecutive weeks.  Hell of a run, and what a bullshit way for this one to end, as he STILL hasn't lost a game this season.  Many will still consider him "the best" until Bro can beat him him head-to-head.  That's fair.  There's a ladder match coming up on June 5th though that pits the #1 seed against the #2 seed, so both top QBs will have a chance to definitively stake their claim as king of the mountain by winning that game.  Until then, Cole sits at #2.

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 36-26

In the first upset in an otherwise boring and predictable D1 this year, Eyes Downtown dropped a shocker to "second tier D1 team" the Sticky Bandits.  Although he didn't have his full complement of players, it was still surprising to most viewers to see Bobby lose a game to a team NOT called Public Enemy or Tight Ends in Motion.  A regular season loss by itself may not mean anything for Eyes Downtown as a team - Bobby is still one of the absolute best there is, and they're still capable of beating any team in the League on any given week.  But only two teams will get a first round bye in the D1 playoffs, and by losing to a team they're not "supposed" to lose to, Eyes Downtown may have just lost the inside track on one of those byes.  Bobby drops a spot in the Rankings but is still clearly a Top Three QB in the League (for now).

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No QB action from the Peachy Platoon star this week, although according to the Sentinel he played a big part in beating the QB ranked directly above him in the Eyes Downtown/Sticky Bandits game as a receiver.  Dean stays at #4 this week, but he's not out of reach of the "Big Three" if he continues his strong performance for the last few weeks of the season.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 44-36, beat Not So Sticky 44-41, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 35-1 (subbing for Public Enemy)

No Mountain Dew Me game this week, but Joey continues to guide Cunning Stunts to an undefeated record and the highest scoring offense in the TSL (the ONLY offense better than #1 ranked Bro Kleckler).  Tough to say how his subbing performance for Public Enemy should affect his ranking this week.  We tend to think subbing is harder than usual games, as the QB isn't as familiar with his receivers, so maybe getting shut out on offense is attributable more to lack of chemistry with Public Enemy than any poor performance on his part.  On the flip side, this is one of the best rosters in the TSL in recent memory, and Joey guided them to zero offensive points, so couldn't you kind of hold that against him?  Well, we don't.  He stays at the #5 rank this week.

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 36-26

That was unexpected.  After scoring a combined 6 points in the first two weeks of the season, the Sticky Bandits have won a forfeit game, won their first "real" game against a D1 opponent, and then beat a D1 powerhouse in Eyes Downtown this week.  Their 3.0 points per game was dead last in the League (by a lot) those first couple weeks; their 45.0 PPG the last two weeks would make them the #1 offense in the League (if we conveniently ignored those first two weeks).  Seems like their slow start is behind them.  Any time you can outduel Bobby McConnell it's going to improve your stock in the Power Rankings, and Mike jumps from 10th to 6th with the biggest win of his QB career.  Do the Sticky Bandits have the legs to make some noise in the D1 playoffs?  Stats and conventional wisdom would suggest no, but we've been wrong about these guys before.

#7 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 39-16

Sloppy Seconds' win was hardly unexpected, as they've generally been competitive in games this year (and Why So Serious has been an attendance mess) but it's good to see Buchlis and his new crew of teammates pick up that first W of the season, and in dominating fashion.  Sloppy Seconds are currently fourth in D1 points per game, but they're less than a point behind Public Enemy for third (and don't give us "Cole wasn't there this week" - Buchlis is seemingly picking up new subs off the street every week for his team).  If they can get their full crew together in time for playoffs, they can be a very dangerous team.

#8 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 22-20 (Losing Streak), lost to Graves Bros 51-34   

A 22-20 win over Scared Hitless isn't exactly the "statement week" that Jordan had previously, but a win's a win we suppose.  Losing Streak now has a winning record in the TSL's most exciting division, and they still hold the best offense in the division at 36.4 PPG (although the gap between them and the second best team shrank considerably this week).  We don't typically "reward" a QB in our Rankings for a modest win over a struggling opponent, but several other top QBs lost this week (or got injured) and Jordan didn't, so hey, he slides into the #8 spot this week.  

#9 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 46-40

Having Dubey outside of the Top Ten never felt right.  Fortunately XTC's 46-40 win over When Dove Cries pushes Dubey back where he belongs, as the suddenly competitive team is back to a .500 record and now boasts the second highest scoring offense in D2.  Should we hold it against Dubey that he missed one of XTC's two games this week and they still won handily with another QB under center?  Nah.  He's one of the most respected quarterbacks in the game, and XTC will always be better when Dubey is guiding the offense.

#10 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 38-19, beat All We Do is Quinn 40-14

From Tater Tots to the Top Ten (alliteration is fun!) Dylan's rise to glory has been swift and exciting.  TopShot is the only undefeated team left in D3 after humbling Quinn and the Untouchaballs, and Dylan is passing for 37.6 PPG (sixth in the TSL).  Was he always this good when he played in D6, or is he just reaping the benefits of Blase's roster stacking?  Either way, TopShot has emerged as the new team to beat in D3 and as long as they stay healthy and hungry it'll be hard for anyone to stop them in the playoffs.  We say it every session, and we'll say it again: if you want to climb the QB Power Rankings, try your luck in a higher division.  Dylan is a perfect example of a talented QB who is finally getting his due as he plays against better competition.

#11 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Kind of bullshit to see Garrett drop three spots just for taking the week off, as Frodo Swaggins is still undefeated when he plays.  But his fall this week is more because of what Dubey, Thomas, Buchlis and Dylan did than anything Garrett did wrong.  He'll be back, he'll win games, and he'll push himself back into the Top Ten, we have no doubt.

#12 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 44-10 (A&A), beat Bullet Club 40-32 (subbing for XTD)

The biggest single week rise in the Power Rankings this season belongs to Travis, who jumps from 23rd to 12th this week.  There are really two reasons for that: 1) with Matty now on the injured reserve, it SEEMS like Travis will be the man for A&A for at least the rest of the regular season, and so far the results are encouraging.  A&A destroyed Bullet Club 44-10, so the drop-off from losing an all-time great like Matty to Travis doesn't appear to as big as the rest of D2 probably hoped.  2) Travis was ALWAYS better than 23rd if we're being honest, but we had a hard time justifying ranking him above QBs that played in higher divisions.  Now we don't have that issue anymore.  He's also undefeated in Breakfast Club, if anyone's keeping track.

#13 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 40-32, lost to A&A 44-10

Tough week for the gunslinger from Bullet Club.  After beating the two teams with the worst records in D2 the first couple weeks of the season, Scotty has since gone 0-4 against better teams, and seen Bullet Club slide to 8th in the division in both the standings AND offensive PPG. We think they'll probably still make the playoffs... but that isn't a lock anymore.  Bullet Club needs a win this week against Losing Streak to stop their... slide (we told you we wouldn't do any more "losing streak" puns, and so far we've kept our word) but that's going to be a tough game and Scotty's going to need to play his best to give the Club a shot.

#14 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 46-40, beat Slytherin 36-22 (When Dove Cries), lost to Cobblestone 32-8, lost to Practice Squad 40-24 (TOX)

Maybe Topper's getting too old to play four games in a day anymore.  He beat Slytherin, lost with a very respectable 40 points against XTC, and got beat by Practice Squad.  None of this matters though, as Topper clearly only cared about his rivalry game with Darryl, which did NOT go well for TOX.  At 1-5 TOX seems likely to hold on to the last playoff spot in D4 (Woodpeckers and Not So Sticky aren't catching anyone, as both teams only victories this season strangely enough come against D6 teams) but they can't be feeling too confident right now.  When Dove Cries has fared much better, and Topper has already clinched a non-losing season in D2.  Topper clings to the 14th spot in our Power Rankings on the back of their 4-2-1 record.  Hey, he has a better record than Bullet Club AND more offensive PPG.  Why isn't Topper ahead of Scotty?

#15 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Passed Our Prime 43-21, lost to When Dove Cries 36-22

Newman must have read our article last week about his "always scoring between 30-31 PPG" and vowed to prove us wrong... by scoring only 21 and 22 in losing efforts to Passed Our Prime and When Dove Cries this week.  What's wrong with Slytherin right now?  These guys have been a great team the past couple of years, and now they're 2-4 and losing to previously winless teams.  Are they missing people?  Injuries?  Old age?  We would love to know.  Newman falls one spot in the Power Rankings this week as he looks to right the ship next week against XTC.

#16 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 40-14

This isn't the AWDIQ we know and love.  Team Quinn gets destroyed by the new D3 darlings TopShot as they fall to 2-2 on the season.  How is a Vince led team only fourth in their division in scoring?  We'll copy/paste the Slytherin commentary from above: "Are they missing people?  Injuries?  Old age?  We would love to know"  We always imagined they'd claw their way up to D2 eventually, but that looks less and less likely at this point in the season.  We're still rooting for them, but it's hard to imagine them beating the top D3 teams right now.

#17 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin that end zone 43-21

Passed Our Prime was long overdue for a win.  Do other teams in D2 realize that Olsen has been scoring 33.6 PPG, good for third in the division?? Offense has never been the problem, as Passed Our Prime has the single worst defense in the entire TSL by a whopping 7.4 PPG.  We sound like a broken record, but this is a different team when people actually show up, and Olsen is capable of keeping them in any game when he has even a halfway decent roster present.  He rises to 17th in the Power Rankings this week, and still has a very realistic chance to crack the Top Ten this season if he can finish it up with a few more wins.

#18 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No action for Buffalo Vice this week.  Andy drops a spot as Olsen surges past him.

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 33-23, beat TOX 40-24

Poor B wins two games, including one against a QB ranked higher than him, and gets rewarded by DROPPING a spot in the Power Rankings.  Fair?  Not really, but what can we do?  Andy is scoring almost a TD per game more than B in the same division, and both teams have one loss (B's comes head-to-head against Andy too).  Who would you have us rank B above right now?  The Power Rankings are more stacked than ever with top level QBs.  It's hard enough to crack this list, let alone climb above most of the legends included here.  We imagine Practice Squad probably cares more about their spot in the standings (they're one of only a few real contenders for the D4 title) than they do about the disrespect we show their QB in these Rankings.

#20 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Joe Miano gets the week off, drops a spot in the Rankings.  That'll teach HIM to have a bye week.

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 22-20

Losing by two points isn't a terrible week, and we aren't dropping Dylan too far in the Power Rankings for Scared Hitless's performance this week.  They remain last in their division in offensive PPG though, despite having some of the most talented female receivers in the game.  Three of Hitless's five losses this season have been by a single score - They're not THAT far away from contending, they just to have figure out a way to get about 10% better.  The pressure in these situations usually seems to fall on the QB (fairly or not) so Dylan's going to have a tall task ahead of him this week when Scared Hitless takes on Peachy Platoon.

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat University Wealth Management 34-14

There are no teams really running away with D5 this session, so why not the Interdimensional Lightning Falcons?  Dave Baker guided his young team to another win this week keeping ILF right in the thick of the playoff race.  Other than their one encounter with Zack Attack's ridiculous defense, Baker has scored 33, 34, 40, 42 and 46 points in his other five outings this year.  These guys can play, and Dave has the athleticism and the football genius to give them a shot against anyone. Dave rises two spots in the Power Rankings this week as Puckett All Stars (Topper's betting favorite to win D5) are up next for ILF.

#23 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 42-8

Coach Jay had led Wasted Potential to 30+ points every game this session... until a 42-8 thrashing at the hands of Puckett All-Stars.  That came out of nowhere.  We don't know if Wasted Potential were playing with a full roster this week, but the loss drops them to 3-3 and fifth place in the division.  If anyone can make the adjustments needed to come back from a loss like this, it's the Coach.

#24 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 30-0, beat TOX 32-8, lost to Cunning Stunts 44-36

Rivalry game massacre vs Topper, check.  Shutout massacre vs Woodpeckers, check.  Upset win vs Cunning Stunts... okay, two out of three isn't bad.  Darryl Carr makes his Spring 2021 TSL QB Rankings debut this week (we should have had him on here from Week One) with a strong performance in his triple header.   Cobblestone has moved up a division and they're already back at a .500 record.  These guys invincible and nothing can kill them.  Like cockroaches, but with way better hair.

#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Itches and Ohs this week.  Steve stays at the 25th spot this week.

***

Division by Division Point Differential Analysis

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  The most efficient way to look at the WHOLE picture of team performance (strength of schedule and attendance quirks aside) is average point differential per game.  In other words, by how many points are you winning (or losing) games by on average?

Using this data, we're going to assign each team into one of the following categories:

1) Favorites - there can be more than one "favorite" in a division, but these are teams that no one would really be surprised if they won their division championship.  So Eyes Downtown for example might not be THE favorite to win D1, but they are certainly ONE of the favorites.

2) Contenders - these are teams that have the potential to surprise the TSL Universe and win some playoff games... but it's hard to imagine them actually winning three in a row to take home a championship

3) Pretenders - these are teams that we would be shocked to see win the championship, much less make it to a championship game.

What's interesting is that when we've done this in years past, we've noticed that there's sort of a natural cut-off in the graphs, and that teams with 6.0+ average point differentials tend to be favorites, and teams with -6.0 or less average point differentials tend to fall into the pretenders category.  We don't ALWAYS find that to be the case, but generally speaking the rule of thumb kind of works, so that's how we're going to label them on our graphs below (with our own biased commentary on whether we agree or disagree with the classifications for each division).  

Green is "favorite", yellow is "contender", and red is "pretender".  Enjoy!

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Exactly accurate for D1. Three favorites, one "contender" that's slightly better than the rest (we've removed Sticky Bandits' 21-0 forfeit win from the stats above; their average point differential is positive if that is included), and two that will struggle to beat the top teams in the division.

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Mountain Dew Me is a one loss team - we imagined they would be in the "favorites" class, but the chart suggests they might not be top tier.  We don't believe it.  Otherwise this looks about right to us.  Worth noting, if you strip out Losing Streak's 55 point win against short handed Passed Our Prime, they would go from "favorites" to a negative point differential.  But strip out ANY team's biggest win and it probably changes which grouping they fall under, so we're fine with leaving them as is.

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Yup.  One big favorite, a handful of contenders (Untouchaballs slightly surprising to us, but okay) and a couple teams that don't have much of a shot.  

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Five alleged "favorites" makes D4 one of the hardest divisions to predict this season.  Cobblestone and Jabronies look a bit inflated to us as "favorites" - both teams have lost all their games against other favorites, and all of their wins (including some stat skewing blowouts) come against the four teams with negative point differentials, so we tend to think they're more "contenders" than "favorites".  Not So Sticky and Woodpeckers are correctly NOT in the "contender" class.

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Maybe Topper is right about Puckett All-Stars.  The point differentials say they're the only favorite in D5, followed by six contenders (and one Keller team).  Not sure we would agree with that.  Zack Attack by the way is UNDEFEATED so crazy how they're not the favorites (they keep winning close ones... good for the standings, bad for their math).  We would have thought Breast Friends, Zack Attack and ILF would all be "favorites", but maybe not.  This is a pretty wide open division too.  Unless, of course, you're University Wealth Management.

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Yes, exactly right.  The Tots vs Spinelli's Plumbing SHOULD be your D6 finals.  TMA, Travis Henry's Kids, Graves Bros, BiPolar and Blitzkrieg are good enough to ruin that and crash the Finals (TMA in particular has handed the two "favorites" their only two losses on the season!), but the other three teams don't look ready to make a run yet.

**

Final Observations

• There were five undefeated teams last week, and two of them lost this week.  Your three remaining undefeated juggernauts are: TopShot (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D1, D2 or D6.
• There were five winless teams last week, and two of them won last week.  Your three remaining winless teams are: Why So Serious? (D1), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D2, D3 or D4.
• With Public Enemy's 35-1 loss to Tight Ends in Motion this week, there are no longer ANY undefeated streaks stretching back to last season.  The longest winning streak in the League NOW belongs to four different teams who are tied at 5 games apiece: TopShot, Zack Attack and Cunning Stunts (who are all 5-0) and also Practice Squad (who lost their first game of the season, and have won five in a row since).
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (7 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (14 games, dating back to last Fall).

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you demand actual Passer Ratings for each QB?  you wish we had the balls to show a Receivers Power Ranking?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

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Week 6 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 03 June 2021 18:19

Published: Thursday, 03 June 2021 18:19

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 17

“It’s almost exciting to think about all the room for improvement that we have” ~ Geno Smith

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  There are only two weeks left in the regular season and then the quest for playoff immortality begins.  Do you feel good about where your team is today? (You can be honest... you thought they'd be better.)

This is what we have for you this week:

• The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 30 in the League, our most expansive Power Rankings of the season (so far!)
• Division by Division All-Star Teams - We'll pick a TSL All-Star team for each division... finally, some recognition for non-quarterbacks!  Did YOU make your division's All-Star Team??? Find out below!
• Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Six TSL QB Power Rankings:

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 51-24

Bro's six wins this season have come by 17, 27, 32, 32, 34 and 45 points.  Did we mention he's doing this in D1?  If there's a knock on Tight Ends in Motion right now (and there really isn't) it's that we haven't seen them pull off a win under pressure yet... because they've rarely been under pressure.  This is the highest scoring team in the TSL that doesn't exclusively score gender TDs.  So what do we do next week if TEIM loses to Public Enemy and confirms that they can't REALLY win the big one against their biggest rival when P.E. is at full strength? 

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 43-34, beat Sloppy Seconds 44-43

Two incredibly close wins over teams that Public Enemy was expected to blow out was a bit shocking to watch, but don't blame the offense for those near collapses: Cole scored 87 points in putting on an offensive clinic last week.  Public Enemy hasn't been nearly as dominant this season as Tight Ends in Motion, and yet the prevailing wisdom is that they'll step it up a notch and win when it matters in the playoffs.  Will they though?  And will Public Enemy pull out all the stops this week to lock in the #1 seed, or will they hold something back for playoffs?

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 34-33 (Eyes Downtown), lost to TopShot 56-25 (subbing for the Angels)

Why So Serious came one two point conversion away from a huge upset for their first W of the year, and some say it was not without controversy on that final play.  Regardless, Eyes Downtown walk away with the thrilling win and a realistic shot at a first round bye for the playoffs still in sight: if Bobby wins his last two games of the season (he should) and Public Enemy beats TEIM (they could) then Eyes Downtown should leapfrog TEIM for the #2 seed and earn a week off.  Not bad for a team that has been the afterthought "third best" team in D1 this season despite having stud athletes across the board AND one of the best QBs in the game.

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 24-19

A five point win over the last place team in your division isn't usually cause for celebration, but Peachy Platoon pulled this one off with three girls playing iron man when two of their guys cancelled at the last minute.  Dean not only got the win but did it in dramatic fashion, hitting his wife Marissa for a deep route on a drawn up play for a walk off toe-tap-slide-out-of-bounds TD.  Incredible call, incredible throw, and an even better catch.  A huge effort by Marissa, Teresa and Joy on the day, and Peachy's fifth win in a row since starting the season 0-1-1.  Some teams make excuses when they're short handed - Peachy just wins.  This may be the team to beat in a crowded D2 field.

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 38-26, beat Mountain Dew Me 55-22 (Losing Streak), lost to Spinelli's Plumbing 58-24 (Victorious Secret).

That 55-22 win over Mountain Dew Me is an impressive statement win for Jordan Lawson as the D2 playoffs approach.  When Losing Streak was 1-2 and getting murdered by A&A in Week 3, many wrote them off as contenders.  They're 4-0 since then and have outscored their opponents 199-97, scoring nearly 50 PPG over that stretch.  Losing Streak is 6th in the TSL in PPG, and 1st in their division, and Jordan has this team surging towards the playoffs with confidence.  Victorious Secret is... not exactly "surging towards the playoffs with confidence", but their June 12th matchup with BiPolar Express could be their ticket to MAKING the D6 playoffs.  The TSL crowds should absolutely love that one.

#6 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat A&A 44-37, lost to Losing Streak 55-22 (Mountain Dew Me), beat Practice Squad 43-32

Not really a BAD week for Joey Batts, as he takes down A&A (who would be leading D2 right now if not for this loss) AND Practice Squad (who would be leading D4 right now if not for this loss).  Seems odd that we drop the QB of Cunning Stunts (the single highest scoring team in the TSL) in the Rankings this week after the previous sentence, but that Losing Streak loss was a tough one, and slots Jordan slightly above Joey in the Power Rankings after Week Six of the season.  Joey has been a two time champion before.  Can he do it again in 2021?

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 43-34, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 51-24

Mike Thomas started the season against Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion and scored a combined 6 points in those games.  This week he faced both in a rematch, and although the Sticky Bandits defense hasn't made many steps forward, the offense certainly has, as Mike put up a combined 58 and nearly pulled off an upset win against the defending Champs.  These guys looked brutally out of place in D1 when the season started, but whatever adjustments they're making seem to be working, as Sticky Nation has been much more competitive the past month.  Mike drops one spot in the Power Rankings with the double loss... but how high would he have risen if he'd scored 10 more points in that Public Enemy game?

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 44-43

Public Enemy is a Top Ten defense in the entire TSL (they'd be a Top Two defense if we took into account what division they play in, which of course we don't) and Sloppy Seconds just dropped 43 points against them and nearly pulled off the upset win.  Sloppy's defense by the way is sixth WORST in the entire TSL, so the fact that they're going toe to toe with the Champs is a huge credit to Buchlis and the way he has the Sloppy offense rolling right now.  Alex has to score just about every drive to win games, and he very nearly did.  

#9 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 27-23 (Frodo Swaggins), beat the Angels 56-25 (subbing for Top Shot)

Here's an argument for why Garrett should be the highest ranked QB in D3: for all of TopShot's success this year (and we'll get into that later) their BEST offensive showing this year came when their division rival Garrett Beesing subbed for their team and scored 56 points.  Oh and Garrett is still undefeated as the QB of Frodo Swaggins this year too.  Oh and he raised a ton of money for MS research this week.  There are many reasons Garrett Beesing is awesome but the guy is just an absolute winner and has really developed into a top level QB this season (after being a top level everything else previously).

#10 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Lost to Slytherin that end zone 20-17

Scoring only two TDs and losing against a Newman-less, Coach Jay-less Slytherin isn't the type of performance we would have expected from Dubey, as his up and down season continues.  They're still middle of the pack in D2 for scoring and they still hold on to one of the last playoff spots in the division (prior to this week's loss they had won three in a row) but consistency is the name of the game for XTC as they wrap up the Spring 2021 season: if they find it they'll be contenders, and if they don't they're bound to flame out in the first round of playoffs. 

#11 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Dylan this week as TopShot won with Garrett subbing under center.  TopShot is fourth in the League in offense, first in the League in defense, first in the League in total point differential, so they've been a huge success any way you look at it.  It's not really fair to hold someone's defense against him, but with the SINGLE BEST defense in the League and a sub QB leading TopShot to their highest point total this season, just how much of TopShot's success is Dylan vs his surrounding cast?  Just asking...

#12 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 44-37

With Matty on the I.R. and Travis leading A&A, can we please rename them "T&A" so Travis can lead TWO teams with hilariously classless names?  No game for Breast Friends this week as they pick up another forfeit win (Travis has two thirds of all League-wide forfeit wins this season and he's in charge of the sub-list... coincidence or controversy?) but A&A dropped a close one to Mountain Dew Me in the battle of the scrambling QBs.  No shame in scoring 37 in a losing effort against MDM, so Travis keeps the 12th spot in our Power Rankings this week.

#13 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Every five years or so, Topper gets a day off.  Good for him, that aging arm of his needs the rest.  Now get back to work, your next day off isn't until 2026.

#14 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 38-26

Bullet Club and Losing Streak should trade names, as B.C. has lost five in a row since starting the season 2-0.  With the exception of a bad A&A loss (and who hasn't had one of those?) Scotty has kept Bullet Club in just about every game this season, losing by 1, 4, 8 and 8 points along the way.  Crazy to think they're only 25 points away from being 6-1, but it doesn't work that way, so they're 2-5 instead.  Hopefully they turn things around this week with a nice easy win against... oh God, they're playing Peachy Platoon on Saturday.  Good luck Scotty!

#15 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Slytherin beats XTC 20-17 with Seth as QB, and Newman nowhere to be found.  Far be it from us to drum up QB controversies...

#16 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat the Untouchaballs 30-24

All We Do is Quinn win their first game since... May 1st?  That can't be right.  Vince gets the Quinners on track and picks up the Q (get it? all they do is quinn?) against the Untouchaballs.  They've absolutely had a rough month losing to TopShot and Frodo Swaggins, but if Vince has learned anything over the years, it's that the regular season is easily forgotten once the playoffs start.  So maybe this is their year to flip the script, get all their lumps in now, and make a playoff run?  Stranger things have happened.

#17 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 42-37

Andy keeps the fifth highest scoring team in the TSL rolling this week with another win against Not So Sticky.  Buffalo Vice aren't the "favorites" to win D4 as they're still a half a step behind Cunning Stunts for that honor, but man, are they close.  Andy jumps to the 17th spot in the Power Rankings this week and continues to be the highest ranked pure D4 Quarterback on the charts for a reason.  

#18 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Passed Our Prime is one of only a handful of teams to play only 5 games to this point in the season, and it feels like they've been short handed in nearly all of them.  We STILL have no idea how good these guys are in Week Six of the season, and the playoffs are just around the corner.  Olsen didn't play this week but interestingly enough Passed Our Prime jumped to second in their division in Offensive PPG during their week off as other teams who DID play scored fewer points.

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 43-32

Last season Practice Squad was the plucky challenger to Mountain Dew Me in D5, and this season they're plucky challengers to Cunning Stunts and Buffalo Vice.  Maybe the "B" stands for "B List QB" and not "Brandon"?  (Just kidding B you know we love you).  Smart team, great athletes, SERIOUS contenders to win their division - Practice Squad just needs to find a way to win their biggest games, because they are absolutely taking care of business against everybody else.

#20 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 27-23

The Jabronies have a winning record and they're fourth in D4 in offensive PPG.  Why aren't we talking about Joe Miano more?  Big Game Joe beats Cobblestone this week and reminds the TSL that he's a proven winner and deserves more respect as a contender.  When their whole team is present, Jabronies is absolutely STACKED with talent (and no, that's not a pun about how they lost Ben Stack this season).

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 24-19

The bad news: Scared Hitless loses another close one, this time against a short handed gender-heavy Peachy Platoon.  The good news: their defense has held Losing Streak and Peachy Lite to 22 and 24 points respectively in the past two weeks, so one side of the ball is playing pretty well?  It'll be an uphill battle for Scared Hitless to make the playoffs as they've already lost tiebreakers to every other team at the bottom of the standings.  Their only hope is to go 2-0 against Mountain Dew Me and A&A, and hope Bullet Club goes 0-2 against Peachy Platoon and Mountain Dew Me.  We wouldn't bet on it, but what do we know?

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 43-30

Losing apparently doesn't hurt your position in OUR charts when none of the other QBs around you in the Power Rankings picked up wins this week, but man, this was an opportunity blown for ILF in the actual TSL standings.  Winning would have pushed them to second place in their division and labeled them as legit D5 contenders.  Losing has dropped them to the middle of the pack.  Dave is the savviest player in the game and impossible to write-off in any big game situation so we're convinced these guys will be a force to be reckoned with in the playoffs... but they're winning by about 1 PPG on average for the season, so their margin for error is razor thin right now.

#23 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Coach Jay this week - Wasted Potential gets smacked around by the Bambs in his absence.  No change for Jay's #23 ranking this week.

#24 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 27-23

The League's most relaxed superstar QB with great hair just lost to... another relaxed superstar QB with great hair.  Darryl doesn't care, he's probably TIED more games than most of us have won at this point.  Cobblestone clinched a D4 playoff spot this week with Not So Sticky and Woodpeckers losses, so even when Darryl loses, he finds a way to win.  What a life.

#25 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Beat University Wealth Management 38-0, beat the Bambs 31-22

Alright, alright, you're still undefeated and we have no choice BUT to talk about you in our Power Rankings now.  Zack Attack is the last standing undefeated team in D5, and Zack Elphick (if he reads this article... does anyone?) probably can't understand why we haven't ranked him higher.  Fair point, but... you're the 7th best offense in your own division, and frankly you're not even that close to the 6th best team either.  But man, does this team play defense: Zack Attack is third best in the TSL at a mind blowing 16.1 PPG allowed.  Zack doesn't need to score 30 PPG when he's got that kind of help on the other side of the ball.  Great D helps you win games... but doesn't help you in the Power Rankings unfortunately.

#26 George Lombardo - Freeballers - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 51-0*, beat Cobblestone 30-22

It doesn't even feel right calling that Itches and Ohs game 51-0 because they quit with 16 minutes left.  At that pace the final would have been 75-0, so can we pretend it was 75-0 please?  George Lombardo was fantastic in his 75-0 win, and he also beat TSL legend Darryl Carr on the same day as the Freeballers coasted to a 4-2 record.  George rises four spots in the Power Rankings this week.

#27 Nolan Perry - the Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Lost to All We Do is Quinn 30-24

A close loss to AWDIQ is nothing to hang your head about.  Nolan Perry is the QB for Untouchaballs this year and by all accounts he's a great athlete with a great arm who's still getting used to QBing the co-ed touch football game.  None of us are great at this when we first get started (most of us aren't "great" even after years of doing this) but Nolan has his team believing in him and his potential is tremendous.  Untouchaballs is just 15 points away from being 5-2 this season with some close losses standing in the way of their climbing the D3 standings.  With another season under his belt, Nolan might have the Untouchaballs contending for a D3 championship... we just don't see that happening this season.

#28 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Lost to Wolfpack 32-23

We can't figure out Grey Hair - Don't Care.  They have stretches where they look dominant (remember winter session?) and stretches where they can't seem to score a point (remember the second half of last Fall?).  Eickhoff likes to keep us guessing, apparently.  With a loss to the previously 1-5 Wolfpack, it doesn't look like GHDC is gearing up a deep playoff run this session.  They need to go back to the drawing board and bring back HK43 (or whatever they're up to these days) to turn this slide around.

#29 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Victorious Secret 58-24

For the first time this season, we get to show a pure D6 quarterback in our Power Rankings.  Spinelli's Plumbing is the third best offense in the entire TSL (41.9 PPG) and Nick Hawes has the team looking like real contenders as the playoffs draw closer.  How does one describe Spinelli's QB1?  We'll let their team do that for us: "Nick has had little to no prior experience with football as he realized at a young age that he didn’t have the rugged toughness and agility to be of any use on the pee-wee football field. It wasn’t until his mid-twenties where he really honed his skills with several adult-league sports. Through the support of his bangin’ girlfriend, his other low level athletic friends, and a wicked work out regimen, Nick has become quite an asset to Spinellis. To ensure talent on the field, Nick maintains an 18-hour sleep schedule and a weekly diet of protein shakes, intermittent fasting, and Taco Bell. His arm strength and accuracy is accredited to his prior career as a collegiate baseball player. Nick continues to grow in talent and we expect nothing but good things from him for the rest of the season."  They had us at "18 hour sleep schedule".  Great season so far Nick, and don't let that bangin' girlfriend distract you on the road to playoff glory!

#30 Mark Harzynski - Tater Tots - (Previous Rank #32)

Last Week:  Beat Juiced 44-12

And here's your OTHER contender for the D6 championship, the only other team we can realistically see taking home the title this season.  Mark Harzynski has led Tater Tots to the best record in the division (tied with Spinelli's Plumbing of course) after taking over from Dylan Jaloza as the team's starting QB this session.  Mark has only gotten better throughout the season, and his understanding of the passing game / defenses has continued to improve week to week.  Does it help that Tater Tots has the #2 defense in the entire League?  Absolutely, but these guys are no slouches on O either, as Mark has led the Tots to the 11th best offense in the League as well.  In looking up that stat, we just noticed that the top two defenses in the League are the two teams that Dylan Jaloza plays on.  Is that a coincidence, or is he some kind of secret defensive guru?

--

And there's your Top Thirty Quarterbacks in the League this week!  NOT featured above you'll notice is Steve Moser (formerly #25) who threw a temper tantrum after getting blanked by Freeballers and then proceeded to complain to League officials that they don't know what they're doing... and how losing his team would somehow be "bad P.R. for the League" if we don't get our act together.  Let's all take a second to collectively laugh at that notion.  Steve: you were losing 51-0 EARLY in that game, the refs did not cost you a thing.  You should really take a step backwards and evaluate your life decisions: you might just be too angry a person for bar league football.  Our sincere recommendation to you: apologize to everyone you yelled at last week, and hope that the League still wants YOU next season, because believe us, the TSL will be just fine if you decide not to come back and scream at our officials, refs, other teams, and frankly your own teammates.  That kind of behavior doesn't deserve a spot in our Power Rankings, and it's not welcome in our great League, period. End of rant.  Rameer would have done it better, we know.  

***

Division All-Star Teams

So let's try something different!  Every winter (in non-COVID times) the TSL throws the most ridiculous banquet and names MVP nominees to recognize the best in each division.  This will be similar, but we are NOT trying to replicate those awards right now.  Instead we thought it would be fun to build an All-Star team for each division as a way to recognize more of the Non-QBs in this League.

A few ground rules first:

• We're going to borrow the Major League Baseball rule that each division All-Star Team must have at least one player from each team.  So no, your D3 All-Star team cannot be "every guy on Top Shot and every girl on the Angels".
• No TSL teams will get three players on their own division's All-Star team, although many will get two; the goal is to spread this around as much as possible.  
• Each team is going to have 10 players, which will most likely be either 6 men and 4 women or 7 men and 3 women (D6 may have more women than that just because of their three gender teams).
• If a player plays in more than one division, he or she is eligible to be on either division's All-Star Team, but as soon as they make their highest division's team, they become ineligible for the lower division they play in.  In other words, if Sean Weisensal is named to the D1 All-Star team, he immediately becomes ineligible for D4.
• Each player is only eligible for their division's All-Star team for the position they play in that specific division.  So Coach Jay and Dave Baker are eligible for the D5 All-Star team (provided they don't ALSO make a higher division's team, per the rule above!) but they are ONLY eligible as quarterbacks, since that's the position they play in THAT division.  No adding them to play other positions in D5.
• People that are "on rosters" but haven't played this session, or people that are currently injured, are ineligible for consideration.  Maggie Lamantia, Derek Bloomfield, Ryan Baroudi, Matty Ice... great players, all ineligible. 

The "at least one person per team" rule makes it interesting in divisions with 10 teams, because we CAN'T select more than one player from the same team.  Think about D2 for a moment: want Jordan on your team?  Then you can't have Chris Nelson.  Want Coach Jay?  Then you can't have Taylor Pagano.  Now you see our challenge: this format forces us to make tough choices, so we might not end up with the highest ranked QB in each division on their All-Star team (see D1 below), because we just HAD to pick another player from their team instead.  In a sense, you're competing against your OWN teammates more than you're competing against your peers on other teams.

There are no right or wrong answers to any of this, but we figured we'd give it a shot anyway.  Apologies if your name is spelled incorrectly here; we've written it however it appears on your official team roster, which is probably riddled with errors.

Here are the "TSL All-Star Teams" by Division:

Don't like it?  Think you can do better?  Send us a BETTER combination of players from any Division (using the same rules we did) at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.... we will be happy to debate why you're wrong.

**

Final Observations

• There were three undefeated teams last week... and not one of them lost this week.  Your three remaining undefeated juggernauts are: TopShot (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D1, D2 or D6.
• There were three winless teams last week... and not one of them won last week.  Your three remaining winless teams are: Why So Serious? (D1), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D2, D3 or D4.
• The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Zack Attack at 7 games in a row.
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (8 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (15 games, dating back to last Fall).
• There have been 6 shutouts so far this season, including Public Enemy over Sticky Bandits (33-0), Freeballers over Woodpeckers (30-0), Tater Tots over Lenny's Ladies (52-0), Cobblestone over Woodpeckers (30-0), Freeballers over Itches and Ohs (51-0*) and Zack Attack over University Wealth Management (38-0) .  This does not include 3 forfeits this season (which are marked as 21-0 scores), including Bambs to Breast Friends, Show me dem TDs to Breast Friends, and Why So Serious to Sticky Bandits.
• Freeballers are the only team with two "legitimate" shutout wins (Breast Friends somehow has two forfeit wins), and Woodpeckers are the only team with two shutout losses.  The Sticky Bandits have a true shutout loss, and a forfeit shutout win.   

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you HATED our choices on the Division All-Stars?  you're angry that Topper took last week off and you'd like to file a formal complaint about his QB Ranking?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 4 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Friday, 21 May 2021 15:22

Published: Friday, 21 May 2021 15:22

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 22

“I love me some me.” – Terrell Owens

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  We have a good amount of movement in our charts this week as we hit our halfway point of the season.  Some QBs are in the midst of thrilling rises up the Rankings while others are experiencing humbling falls.  This is what we have in store for you this week:

• The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 25 in the League (our most expansive rankings so far this season)
• Pointless Power Ranking of the Week - We're actually skipping the Pointless Power Ranking this week due to time constraints (we're publishing these Rankings on a Friday AFTER the Godfather, so you know we're behind schedule!)
• Best and Worst of the TSL - for the first time this season we'll take an in depth look at which teams have the best (and worst) offenses and defenses in the League.
• Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Four TSL QB Power Rankings:

For each Quarterback this week we'll play devil's advocate and argue amongst ourselves why they should be higher or lower in the rankings (higher meaning "better" in this context, not a higher numbered rank, which of course would be worse):

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

"Rank him higher!":  Well, he can't be any higher than #1

"Rank him lower!":  Public Enemy is 15th in total offense and 3rd in offense in D1.  Shouldn't the #1 QB be #1 at... SOMETHING?

Final verdict:  Of course he should be #1, he's the last undefeated D1 QB and he does enough to win every game.  Public Enemy still boasts the longest active winning streak in the League, so they're #1 at that.  Moving on.

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 48-29

"Rank him higher!":  Eyes Downtown is averaging a full 6.4 PPG better than Public Enemy on offense, and a whopping 11.6 PPG worse on defense.  This isn't a "Team" Power Rankings, it's a QB Power Rankings, and Bobby is putting up more points than Cole.  

"Rank him lower!":  If we're going to argue Bobby deserves the #1 spot because he scores more points than the other guy... then shouldn't it matter that he's scoring FEWER points per game than #3 Bro Kleckler?

Final verdict:  Eyes Downtown is 4-1 in Division 1, and they've beaten every team they've faced EXCEPT for the one quarterbacked by the man in the #1 spot today.  Easy decision, Bobby is #2 this week, and will be until he (or someone) beats Cole.

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 48-29

"Rank him higher!":  Tight Ends are still the most prolific offense in D1 at 43 PPG, and less than 1 PPG behind Cunning Stunts (who score 8 points per TD) for the best offense in the TSL.  Best offense in the best division should be ranked higher than third, right?

"Rank him lower!":  Tight Ends were clearly outclassed by the first great team they faced this season.  They had built a 3-0 record beating up on the second tier of D1, and then failed their first big test when it mattered.  Is this a preview of the playoffs?

Final verdict:  Where else would you rank Bro but third right now?  He lost to Bobby, who in turn lost to Cole, who in turn lost to nobody.  The top three are exactly what they should be right now.  What happens if TEIM manage to upset Public Enemy this week though?  If each top QB can go 1-1 against each other, wouldn't the next tiebreaker be points per game?  The Committee will agonize over that next week... if Bro can get that W.

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Beat A&A 26-20

"Rank him higher!":  He's the best athlete on the board, plain and simple, and he has led his team to the best record in D2 at this point in the season.  We realize it's a tough sell that he should be "higher" than the three D1 quarterbacks above him, but if you put Dean on Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown or TEIM... isn't it possible he'd have led each team to the same record (or better)?

"Rank him lower!":  He's the highest ranked quarterback in D2, but Peachy Platoon is second to Losing Streak in offensive PPG in the division, and they actually LOST to Losing Streak head to head.

Final verdict:  D2 is such a tight division, but Dean has earned the #4 rank this week.  He's narrowly ahead of nearly every team in his division in offensive PPG, and he hasn't really had one "bad" game yet.  He has also beaten Joey and Matty in consecutive weeks, which must be some kind of record.  Peachy's slow start is in the rearview mirror now, and they've emerged as potential favorites to win the division.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 36-22, beat Slytherin that end zone 36-30

"Rank him higher!":  Here is the complete list of D2 quarterbacks who have won 75% of their games AND scored an average of 30+ PPG: Joey Batts.  Newman and Topper are a combined 5-0-1 against QBs NOT named Joey Batts in D2 this season, and 0-2 against the former Alt Podcast star.  Oh, and he QBs the single highest scoring offense in the entire TSL right now with Cunning Stunts.  Why didn't we lead with that?

"Rank him lower!":  How could he be worse than fifth, when he's a combined 6-1 and averaging nearly 38 PPG between both of his teams?

Final verdict:  Joey is good enough to be ahead of every other D2 QB... but not good enough to beat out that Peachy guy with slightly better numbers AND the head-to-head win this season.

#6 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 26-20 (A&A), lost to Frodo Swaggins 45-33, lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 42-27 (The Angels)

"Rank him higher!":  No Quarterback in the League has more TOTAL points scored this season than Matty, and although his win/loss record isn't necessarily better than all other two-team QBs, no one else is attempting to play in two divisions as high as D2/D3 (all on one gimpy leg as well, if rumors are to believed).

"Rank him lower!":  To stay on top of the Power Rankings you have to have either the wins or the stats (preferably both) and right now Matty has 3 losses and the seventh best offense in D2.  Seems charitable to rank him ahead of so many other teams in his divisions with better points and records.

Final verdict:  One bad day does not make a bad Quarterback.  Prior to this week, Matty was undefeated with teams in both D2 and D3.  He's absolutely going to take a hit by going 0-3 this week, but he didn't suddenly become mediocre overnight.  Time (and his health) will tell whether he's still a great QB who had a bad week or an aging athlete on the decline, but we expect the former.  Dean and Joey both shoot past Matty this week (Dean by virtue of a head-to-head win) but Matty will have his chances to catch up.

#7 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Slytherin that end zone 30-26

"Rank him higher!":  Well, he's scored more points per game than the guy ahead of him while playing in the same division, that feels like a decent reason why we should have ranked him higher.

"Rank him lower!":  Bullet Club has zero "signature wins" to date this year: they're 2-2 (every QB ranked above Scotty has a winning record) with a pair of one-score wins over the teams with the two worst records in the division.  Was their early success a product of a soft schedule?

Final verdict:  This is a brutal division and Scotty has Bullet Club right in the thick of it.  We don't think he's at that "Dean/Joey/Matty" tier quite yet, but to be fair he hasn't played any of those guys yet.  How he fares in the big games will determine whether he's on the path to superstardom or just another "middle of the pack" D2 QB (not that there's anything wrong with that).

#8 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat The Angels 45-33

"Rank him higher!":  Frodo Swaggins is the third highest scoring team in the TSL, and Garrett now has head-to-head wins over the mighty Angels and the "suddenly mortal" All We Do is Quinn.  

"Rank him lower!":  No question that Garrett has played exceptionally well, but he's currently ranked above three D1 quarterbacks and six D2 quarterbacks.  Has he been THAT good?  

Final verdict:  He's been that good.  This has been an incredible (and not to be insulting, but somewhat surprising) start for Frodo Swaggins this season.  The wins, the stats, the "eye test", Garrett's cleared every hurdle this season, and he's only getting better.  That's not our opinion either, he's literally getting better at scoring points every week, as he has 37, 39, 41 and 45 in his last four games.  

#9 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 84-29 (Losing Streak), beat Juiced 43-42 (Victorious Secret)

"Rank him higher!":  After scoring 14 total points two weeks ago, Jordan rebounded with an absurd 127 this past week.  He's now the highest scoring quarterback in D2 by a mile (40.0 PPG, a full touchdown ahead of Dean's 33.2 PPG) and yet he's sitting behind four other quarterbacks in his own division in the Rankings?  That doesn't sound right.  Also as the Sentinel pointed out... that Victorious Secret walk-off TD was the stuff of legends.

"Rank him lower!":  Okay, the ass kicking he laid on Passed Our Prime wasn't exactly against their best talent, as we hear they played short handed with only three guys, but that's not Jordan's fault.  You can only beat the team that shows up to play you.  But it DOES inflate his absurd scoring a bit, so we have to take the numbers this week with a grain of salt (especially since Losing Streak apparently had several defensive touchdowns at the end to run up the score, which has nothing to do with their QB).

Final verdict:  Jordan makes his TSL QB Power Rankings Top Ten debut this week, jumping seven spots in the process.  Losing Streak has a meaningful win over a top contender in Peachy Platoon, a humbling loss against another top contender in A&A, a close loss to Team Topper, and a blowout victory over a winless team.  They're right in the thick of the D2 race, and Jordan still has yet to play Scotty or Joey, both ranked above him.  Those will be big opportunities to climb the Rankings even more.  

#10 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 54-16

"Rank him higher!":  Thomas is a D1 quarterback with a .500 record, who just dropped 54 points against an opponent.  Read that sentence again.  Of course he deserves to be higher than 10th on this list, come on.  The only reason he isn't is clearly because he's being punished for having the balls to try our highest division (which others on these Power Rankings go to GREAT lengths to avoid).

"Rank him lower!":  We said earlier that one bad day didn't make Matty suddenly a bad quarterback... but one good day against a winless opponent doesn't suddenly make Thomas a top tier quarterback either.  Ignoring their forfeit win from a couple weeks back, Mike's point totals this season are 6, 0, and 54.  Yes, he probably would have had a great day against Why So Serious if those teams had played, but the Sticky Bandits are STILL the sixth worst offense in the TSL even AFTER a 54 point explosion.

Final verdict:  It's impossible to effectively rank quarterbacks based on wins and scoring when their schedules seem to Tight Ends in Motion and Public Enemy every week.  We're ranking the sixth worst quarterback in the TSL at scoring points as the tenth BEST in our Power Rankings, which is a testament to the competitiveness of that division.  Don't like it?  Move up to D1 and see if you can beat Thomas with your team.

#11 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 54-16

"Rank him higher!":  Alex Buchlis actually has more points per game than his former team, and while they got the best of him this week (Sloppy Seconds was missing several key players) his offensive output has actually been pretty good.  The big knock on Buchlis is that he's 0-5 right now, but it's tough to win games when you have the second worst defense in the TSL.

"Rank him lower!":  Alex is one of only two winless quarterbacks in the Top Twenty Five this week, and by far the highest ranked.  Sloppy Seconds may be scoring more points than Alex's former team (although that's a pretty low bar right now) but they're still only 42nd in the League in scoring.

Final verdict:  Same commentary as Mike Thomas's above.  Just copy and paste it and change the numbers a bit.  This is Division 1, dear readers.  If you thought you could win games there... you would have entered your own team in D1.

#12 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 36-22 (When Dove Cries), Lost to Buffalo Vice 28-27 (TOX)

"Rank him higher!":  He's STILL 3-1-1 in D2.  The guy loses one game and we immediately demote him out of the Top Ten?  The two QBs ahead of Topper are a combined 2-7.  Hell, Scotty and Jordan play in the same division as Topper and they both have more losses than him.  Is this a conspiracy by our Committee to enact revenge on Topper for not paying us enough?

"Rank him lower!":  When Dove Cries is the 8th best defense in D2, and yet Topper is the 6th ranked quarterback from his division.  Dubey and Olsen are both outscoring Topper in PPG, and sit below him in the QB Rankings.  Is this a conspiracy by our Committee to help promote the guy whose League is named after himself? (Real diva move there, Topper.  You couldn't have called it "The Rose Garden Sports League"?)

Final verdict:  The WDC ladies definitely make him look better than he is, but ol' Topper's the real deal, and still a contender in our most competitive division.  We like his odds against every QB below him on this list.  We don't like his odds against every QB above him on this list.  That makes us feel pretty sure we got this one right.

#13 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

"Rank him higher!":  We essentially punished Vince for having a bye week, by dropping him two spots.  Bullshit.  He's better than this.

"Rank him lower!":  He WAS better than this at least.  Quinn is currently fourth in D3 for points per game, and feeling less and less like the division favorites as Frodo and TopShot (and some say the Angels as well) have overtaken them in recent weeks.  The days of Vince's domination seem more and more like an old memory now. 

Final verdict:  Not fair to lose two spots in the Power Rankings on a bye week, but a D1 quarterback scored 54 points in a win, and a D2 quarterback scored 84 points in a win.  We can't NOT reward them.

#14 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 30-26, Lost to Mountain Dew Me 36-30

"Rank him higher!":  Barely lost to the #5 ranked quarterback in the League.  Barely beat the 7th ranked quarterback in the League.  Doesn't that mean Newman should be about sixth, instead of, I don't know, FOURTEENTH?  And didn't he used to beat the guy ranked directly above him, until he won D3 and moved up a division?  Newman is the only quarterback in D2 to score 30+ points in every outing this session.  The only other guy to accomplish that in an equal or higher division is ranked #1, so what is Newman doing at 14th???  

"Rank him lower!":  Newman might be the only quarterback in D2 to score 30+ points in every game, but he's somehow also the only quarterback in D2 NOT to score 32 points or higher in a game yet.  That's right: he's scored 30 or 31 points in every game so far this season.  Consistent... but not spectacular.  And while he didn't play the first game of the season (for reasons we have no idea) shouldn't that count against him?  Slytherin LOST without him, so now they're 2-2 with a QB that can't score 32 points in a game.  

Final verdict:  Teams should generally win when they score between 30-31 points, so we think that's more of a credit than drawback for Newman.  It's still early in the season - if we're underrating him, he's got plenty of time to prove us wrong.

#15 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 38-30

"Rank him higher!":  Dubey is kind of an all-time legend.  Maybe he's earned the benefit of the doubt despite XTC's slow start?  He was ranked #2 overall in our Power Rankings at one point, an honor only six Quarterbacks in the history of the Power Rankings can claim.

"Rank him lower!":  XTC just doesn't look very good right now.  Their only win is by a single score over a nearly winless Scared Hitless, and it's tough to climb the charts when you're not winning or putting up big points.

Final verdict:  XTC is 8th in the standings and 6th in their division in points scored.  Dubey is the 8th ranked QB in his division.  We feel like we got this one right.

#16 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

"Rank him higher!":  Five teams have undefeated records at this point in the season, and three of the other four quarterbacks are ranked in the Top 8.  TopShot is the 9th highest scoring offense in the TSL right now.  If the formula is "score points and win games" then why isn't he ranked better than sixteenth? There sure as hell aren't 15 quarterbacks with better records and stats than Dylan.

"Rank him lower!":  Chalk this one up to strength of schedule.  The combined record of TopShot's three opponents is 4-10.  You can't crack the Top Ten without a single quality win.  

Final verdict:  Dylan is the third highest scoring quarterback in his own division.  He's Power Ranked third amongst quarterbacks in his division.  The rest is all "how does a D2 QB compare to a D3 QB" and that's an argument with no answer.

#17 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat TOX 28-27

"Rank him higher!":  Andy is the 5th highest score QB in the TSL right now, and his only loss is to the 1st highest scoring QB.  Three of his first four games were against an undefeated team, and two other teams that WOULD be undefeated IF they hadn't played against Andy!  Tough schedule, big wins, gritty wins, points, only loss to Cunning Stunts.  Okay, that's a great resume.

"Rank him lower!":  Stop me if you've heard this story before.  Pure D4 QBs struggle to get ranked very highly.  It is what it is.  Andy is ranked above two D2 quarterbacks right now.  Is he really better than Dylan Day or Jeremy Olsen?  

Final verdict:  Andy is the highest ranked pure D4 quarterback on the charts, and he deserves to be.  Buffalo Vice has to already be thinking about what they'll do differently against Cunning Stunts if they see them in the playoffs...

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 43-20

"Rank him higher!":  Practice Squad jumped up a division despite NOT winning D5 last session (which was absolutely the right move) and they're off to a great start.  3-1 record, scoring 30+ PPG, and they just beat an army of 6'5" football machines!! 

"Rank him lower!":  Okay that 6'5" army isn't as good as we thought they'd be.  Practice Squad has had one big test against a top D4 team this season, and wow, did they flunk it.  The road to redemption runs through Cunning Stunts, as they'll need a signature win to put themselves back on the map as contenders.

Final verdict:  B is a stud and Practice Squad are one of four teams sitting a game behind the Stunts in D4.  Are they good enough to win the division?  Probably... but that doesn't mean they will.  

#19 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 34-13

"Rank him higher!":  Well, Joe has scored more point per game than the division rival ranked directly above him, so that's a pretty compelling argument why he's underrated right now.  Yes, the Jabronies have lost two games, but only by a combined five points.

"Rank him lower!":  Good teams WIN close games, and the Jabronies have lost both of theirs.  Sure, they're beating up on D4 cellar dwellers, but if they can't actually win a big game, they won't be taken seriously as contenders.

Final verdict:  Joe is an excellent QB but we can't put him ahead of B with his head-to-head loss. Jabronies still has great players even without Ben Stack and Eric Kleckler.  Top Fifteen isn't out of reach for Joe if he can put a winning streak together. 

#20 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 46-40, lost to XTC 38-30

"Rank him higher!":  He has a win in D2!  Half a dozen QBs above him can't make the same claim that they've won a game in a division that high.  

"Rank him lower!":  Dylan's only win this year comes against Passed Our Prime's shorthanded team... and Scared Hitless almost lost that one too.  Oh, and they're dead last in points scored in D2.

Final verdict:  Scared Hitless is off to a slow start this season which can feel very discouraging.  But there's always growing pains when you move up a division, so that's to be expected.  Better than beating the same times in D3 again, right? At least, we think so.

#21 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 84-29, lost to Scared Hitless 46-40

"Rank him higher!":  As a quarterback, Olsen has actually done very well this season.  He's scoring points with virtually no receivers showing up to his games (other than Keyon, who would be an MVP candidate this season if his team weren't 0-4).  But it's worth pointing out he is STILL outscoring Matty, Topper, Dubey and Newman, ALL of whom are ranked ahead of him.  We're not supposed to punish QBs for bad defenses, but isn't that what's happening here?

"Rank him lower!":  As a team captain, Olsen has not done nearly as well this season, since his team never seems to be anywhere near full strength.  We're not supposed to hold that against him for a QB Ranking probably, but it's hard not to when attendance issues directly lead to a winless start.  It doesn't matter if the talent starts showing up in June, if Passed Our Prime is already eliminated from the playoffs.

Final verdict:  His numbers are more impressive than Dylan's, but Dylan has the head-to-head win regardless of circumstances, so we can't rate Olsen any higher than 21st. We're still expecting a breakout week where everyone shows up and they just steamroll a team, but it will probably be too little too late for Passed Our Prime's season.

#22 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 55-33, lost to Zack Attack 31-30

"Rank him higher!":  Coach Jay has the highest scoring team in D5 by a good margin, and just smoked the Lightning Falcons for a big win.  He's also the best ref in the game (although that helped him 0% in the Power Rankings to be fair).

"Rank him lower!":  Zack Attack is undefeated and BEAT Wasted Potential head-to-head this week.  Why are we ranking THREE D5 quarterbacks this week and not the only one leading an undefeated team?? #zackattackgotrobbed

Final verdict:  Well for starters "Zack Attack" is winning on the strength of their defense, as they have only the 7th best offense in their division, 9th worst in the whole TSL.  Wasted Potential is winning on the strength of their offense, and Jay is carving up defenses like they're nothing.  We mentioned they have the best offense in their division, but did we mention that they're also 8th overall in the League?  Jay is the Top QB in D5 right now, though the next guy on our list probably won't like that...

#23 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat University Wealth Management 43-28

"Rank him higher!":  Don't most girls teams (Lenny's Ladies, Victorious Secret) typically struggle in their first couple seasons?  They also usually start in D6, which Travis had no interest in doing, jumping right into a situation he thought (correctly) they could be competitive.  Their girls are stars to be sure, but it's obviously a testament to their quarterback that they've started from scratch and are already one win away from clinching a winning season.  

"Rank him lower!":  Didn't Breast Friends lose a game against the guy directly below Travis in the QB Rankings?  And not including forfeit wins, they have ALMOST the same offensive stats as ILF too.  Shouldn't the tie go to the winner?

Final verdict:  It was very close between Travis and Baker, but Travis has ONE more point scored than Baker, and the more significant tiebreaker here is that he's doing it with (stop us if you've heard this already) a brand new gender team.  Kudos to Travis and his tastelessly named team for getting another successful gender team up and running.  Oh and another tiebreaker: we don't typically count Breakfast Club, but who's QB of the only remaining undefeated Breakfast Club team?

#24 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Wasted Potential 55-33

"Rank him higher!":  The Lightning Falcons are allowing 34.6 PPG on defense.  The combined record of other teams giving up at least that many points per game: 11-42.  ILF though has a winning record on the strength of their offense (which seemingly needs to score constantly to have a shot) and no one rises to the pressure like Dave Baker.  This is also Dave's first season as quarterback of a team, which makes him the highest ranked "Rookie" on the charts... if you can really consider a man of Dave's advanced age to be a "rookie"

"Rank him lower!":  The guy directly below Dave in the Power Rankings has a better record in a higher division.  We're no experts or anything, but... no wait, we are the experts, he probably DOES deserve to be ranked above Baker!

Final verdict:  ILF struggled last season with consistency, and Dave seemingly righted the ship and made them contenders in D5 immediately.  Considering this is his first effort quarterbacking, we think that's pretty damn impressive.

#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 32-30

"Rank him higher!":  He has a 3-1 record in D4!  This is a no brainer.  Sure, his offensive stats aren't quite as good as the D4 QBs ranked above him, but they're not far off either: Steve is only a few points behind B and Joe Miano... so why isn't he directly behind them (or even ahead of them... he beat Joe head-to-head) instead of being dropped behind three QBs in a lower division?

"Rank him lower!":  Roster shenanigans aside (and we hear there were some real SHENANIGANS) Itches and Ohs don't seem to have a big statement win yet.  Their three wins are by a combined 5 points, and their one loss was by a whopping 35.  Nice that they've won the close ones we suppose, but that negative point differential tells us this team might be more "lucky" than "good" so far.  

Final verdict:  Itches and Ohs are the fifth highest scoring offense in D5 right now, and Steve is ranked sixth among D5 quarterbacks.  Only Topper, on the strength of his D2 performances, is behind Steve in D5 PPG yet ahead of him in the Rankings.  We feel like we got this one right.

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Best and Worst of the TSL

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, it's finally time!  We're deep enough into the season that we feel like these stats are actually meaningful, so here's our first team chart of the year, highlighting the ten best (and ten worst) teams in the TSL on both sides of the ball so far this season:

Teams that made both Ten Best Lists: Tight Ends in Motion, TopShot

Teams that made both Ten Worst Lists: University Wealth Management, Lenny's Ladies, Not So Sticky, Why So Serious?

Teams that somehow made one of each List: Zack Attack (best defense, worst offense)

**

Final Observations

• There were nine undefeated teams last week, and four of them lost this week.  Your five remaining undefeated juggernauts are: Public Enemy (D1), TopShot and Frodo Swaggins (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D2 or D6.
• There were ten winless teams last week, and five of them won last week.  Your five remaining winless teams are: Sloppy Seconds and Why So Serious? (D1), Passed Our Prime (D2), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D3 or D4.
• Only one of last season's champions (Public Enemy) remains undefeated this season.
• The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Public Enemy (8 games, dating back to last Fall).
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (5 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (13 games, dating back to last Fall).

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you miss the Pointless Power Rankings?  you think charts are fine, but graphs are better?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?