Week 8 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Friday, 09 October 2020 14:07

Published: Friday, 09 October 2020 14:07

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 39

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid” – Terry Bradshaw

Welcome back to Week Eight of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

• QB Power Rankings - Our most comprehensive rankings YET - yes, we've expanded AGAIN to show the Top 30 QBs this week
• League Offenses - All Divisions (Chart)
• Final Observations/Questions

QB Power Rankings

As much as we love expanding this to include more and more QBs (we're Power Ranking a record setting 30 this week), there's always the danger that the bad outweighs the good and we start offending people.  "What do you MEAN they're showing 30 Quarterbacks now and I STILL didn't make the list?!?!"  Sorry bro.  Send us an email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and plead your case if you think we've short changed you.  Having said that, we feel pretty good about our picks this week.

Note: "Next Week's Games" below are based on current schedule and subject to change; may not include all make-up games

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 49-48

Highlights:  Scoring 49 points in a W is a pretty solid day at the office.  Especially when your defense is suddenly terrible, and you need every one of those points to beat a new QB on a team that hadn't won a game all year before Saturday.  A win's a win, on to next week:  PUBLIC ENEMY VS EYES DOWNTOWN - WILL IT FINALLY HAPPEN?? 

Next Week:  Eyes Downtown

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  DNP

Highlights:  Surviving COVID is a pretty good highlight.  Bobby's been gone so long we almost forgot Eyes Downtown is still undefeated when he plays... ALMOST forgot.  If he beats Public Enemy next week (assuming he's healthy enough to play), he'll reclaim the throne of TSL's Greatest Quarterback.  Unless of course the Angels somehow lose to Freeballers (they won't, but we'd have no idea how to rank Bobby if they did).

Next Week:  Public Enemy (Eyes Downtown), Freeballers (The Angels)

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Lost to TEIM 29-28

Highlights:  Marketing Mayors are now in fifth place after losing to D1 rookie QB Bro Kleckler and Tight Ends in Motion.  Attendance seems to have been an issue all season with these guys.  When they're all there, they can beat anyone (MM are the "1" in Public Enemy's "6-1") but they don't seem to be fielding their "A Squad" most weeks.  If they can get it together and win out next week, the #3 seed is probably theirs for the taking.

Next Week:  Gryffindor, Tight Ends in Motion

#4 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to The Angels 53-35

Highlights:  Another high scoring loss for the Cunning Stunts.  Remember when they beat (Matty's) Angels in the title game a couple sessions ago?  They're 2-5 now with the second worst defense in the TSL.  Not Joey's fault (they're also the third best offense in the TSL) but we miss the days of D4 Girl Power.

Next Week:  Marketing Mayors, Why So Serious? (Gryffindor), Over Compensators (Cunning Stunts)

#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin That End Zone 33-30

Highlights:  Do the Sticky Bandits really have the highest ranked QB outside of D1?? They have the second highest scoring offense in the division at 34.9 PPG (Jabronies lead with 35.2).  They have a VERY mediocre point differential (+2.6 PPG, fourth in their division).  But there are only three other teams with winning records in D2 between Slytherin, Jabronies and Dilfs... and Mike Thomas has now beaten them all.

Next Week:  Dilfs

#6 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 33-30, beat Peachy Platoon 48-42

Highlights:  If TSL had an ESPN Top Ten Plays of the Week segment (the Sentinel needs a full camera crew to record these; can we all agree to raise our fees by $6000 per team to make this happen?) half of them would be from Slytherin games this week.  SITE lost to the Sticky Bandits on a failed Hail Mary, then beat a DEAN THOMPSON led Peachy Platoon on a Hail Mary in the NEXT game.  Or maybe it was two Hail Mary's in that Peachy game... there were so many lead changes in the last two minutes it's hard to keep to track.  Huge, quality win for Newman.

Next Week:  Jabronies

#7 Brandt Dubey - Dilfs - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 49-34    

Highlights:  After dismantling Hofbrauhaus, the Dilfs are in prime position for the top seed in D2.  5 of their 6 wins so far this year are by double digit leads... and that would jump to 6 out of 6 if we included the 21-0 forfeit win over Marketing Mayors.  These guys aren't just winning, they're dominating.  A win (or even a tie) this week would lock up the #1 seed for the playoffs.

Next Week:  Sticky Bandits

#8 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 44-18 

Highlights:  The Jabronies were simply the better team this week, demolishing Bullet Club and reclaiming the highest PPG in D2.   Beating the #6 ranked QB next week would push Miano to his highest Power Ranking yet, but Slytherin is as complete a team as Jabronies.  We're expecting a classic.

Next Week:  Slytherin That End Zone

#9 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  DNP

Highlights:  No, Vince didn't play this week, so Quinn's 22-20 loss to Vaspian is a LITTLE more understandable (Joe Schwab did his best as the backup, but it's tough to win when half your team gets injured).  We're not punishing Vince because AWDIQ lost, we're "punishing Vince" because two D2 QBs had 40+ point double digit wins this week.  There's no way we can't reward them for that.  We expect Quinn to be dominant again with Vince back next week, but will the loss of one of Kasey open the door for a Frodo playoff push?

Next Week:  Buffalo Solar Solutions (Crossover game)

#10 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 16-13

Highlights:  The Moose has led the highest scoring team in the TSL all season, until now.  With a VERY un-Scotty-Ballgame-like 16 point game (albeit a win) Frodo drop behind Uncle Rico's and the D4 gender teams to become the FOURTH highest scoring team in the League.  Still pretty good, we know.  With all the cancellations that have happened recently it's been a few weeks since we've seen a Swaggins offensive explosion.  Expect two of them this week.

Next Week:  En Fuego, The Untouchaballs

#11 Tim Zielinski - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Over Compensators 46-40

Highlights:  Speaking of the highest scoring teams in the League... Uncle.  Rico's.  Time Travelers.  At 42.9 PPG Tim is now your League leading QB in terms of offensive production.  URTT have scored 28 and 32 points in their two losses... and 44, 45, 46, 52 and 53 points in their five wins.  These are insane numbers.  Oh, and next week they play the single worst defense in the TSL.   Bet the "Over" on this one.

Next Week:  Family Feud and Some Dudes

#12 Andy Clark - Buffalo Solar Solutions - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Family Feud and Some Dudes 46-32

Highlights:  Andy still lags behind three other D4 QBs in PPG (all of which are, fairly or unfairly, ahead of him in the Rankings) but Buffalo Solar Solutions might be the most balanced team in the division.  They're the only ones that can play defense, and they're STILL undefeated when Andy plays.  The D4 playoffs are going to be a bloodbath, but BSS have GOT to be the betting favorites right now.  We'll see if the Godfather agrees next week.

Next Week:  All We Do is Quinn (Crossover game)

#13 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat Marketing Mayors 29-28, Eyes Downtown 47-30

Highlights:  D1 midseason replacement QB Bro Kleckler made his first starts for TEIM, and immediately beat two of the best teams in the top division.  Sure, apply whatever asterisks you want.  Eyes Downtown was missing Bobby and others.  Marketing Mayors didn't have a full squad.  All true (which is why he's not in the Top 10 right now), but who cares?  Winning in D1 is hard, and Bro made it look easy.  Defensive play doesn't factor into our Rankings, but Bro is also the best two-way QB in our Rankings since Dean Thompson's "retirement".

Next Week:  Marketing Mayors, Why So Serious?

#14 Ricky Austin - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 44-18

Highlights:  Not a great week for Ricky Austin and Bullet Club.  Although they FINALLY got Joe K back after a long recovery period, they've now lost Zach to his own injury, which is the last thing this team needs as it tries to establish some kind of momentum before playoffs. Bullet Club can STILL finish with a .500 record this season, with only Morning Wood standing in the way (twice).

Next Week:  Morning Wood (twice)

#15 Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious? - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 31-22, lost to Public Enemy 49-48

Highlights:  Who IS this guy?  Apparently "T-Time" is a former D5 QB who's now throwing for Why So Serious (Pete's services are, understandably, needed at receiver).  The jump from D5 to playing D1's best two teams looked like no problem for Bolden, as he beat the still-Bobby-less Eyes Downtown and then scored 48 in a losing effort against Public Enemy.  People will make excuses and talk about who he DIDN'T face on Saturday, but who he DID face were some impressive athletes, and he looked fantastic.

Next Week:  Tight Ends in Motion, Gryffindor

#16 Aaron Ertel - Morning Wood - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Peachy Platoon 50-29

Highlights:  Morning Wood are a much better team when the unsackable Aaron Ertel is in there, and they proved it by blasting Peachy Platoon for a big win this week.  These guys are flying under the radar a bit in D2 this session, but if they can sweep Bullet Club on Saturday, they'll finish with a winning record and a shot at a high-ish seed, depending on tiebreakers.  

Next Week:  Bullet Club (twice)

#17 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  DNP

Highlights:  Cody took the week off to avoid a Practice Squad rematch and keep all their fancy stats and streaks intact.  It worked!  Still undefeated, with a juicy game against Intentional Pounding on the schedule for this week.  Wait til you see the betting line on that one.

Next Week:  Intentional Pounding

#18 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - Hofbrauhaus Buffalo / TOX - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Lost to Dilfs 49-34 (Hofbrauhaus Buffalo), beat Intentional Pounding 36-23 (TOX)

Highlights:  Topper continues to struggle against D2 competition, with his only win this season coming against the short-handed three girl Peachy Platoon squad a couple weeks back.  Remember when Hobrauhaus was in D1 for like five minutes?  Really there's no shame in losing to Dilfs, they're killing everyone lately.  And Topper DID get a win with TOX this week, although the final score would have looked more impressive if he hadn't thrown a pick two to Scott Keller Jr.  Perfect passer rating, defensive highlight machine... is there anything SK2 CAN'T do?

Next Week:  Peachy Platoon (Hofbrauhaus Buffalo), Practice Squad, Cobblestone (TOX)

#19 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat En Fuego 44-30

Highlights:  Scared Hitless is one of three D3 teams with a winning record, and they're only three points away from having the best point differential in the division.  We've highlighted before in this article how skewed that last metric is after their 52 point annihilation of D4 Freeballers, and there are other reasons to think they MAY not be as good as their record suggests (debatably their greatest accomplishment this season was somehow avoiding playing both All We Do is Quinn AND Frodo Swaggins... how did that happen??).  But Dylan led Hitless to a big win over En Fuego this week, and that's enough for him to leapfrog Blase in the Power Rankings this week.

Next Week:  Vaspian

#20 Blase LaDuca - En Fuego - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 44-30

Highlights:  En Fuego fell behind big this week before clawing their way back into the game against Scared Hitless.  The end result was a lot closer than the score makes it look, as this one came right down to the wire.  Blase still has En Fuego at .500 with one week left in the regular season.  Grey Hair - Don't Care might be spiraling downward right now, but Frodo is still Frodo.  What a statement win that would be if Blase could take down Scotty Ballgame himself.

Next Week:  Frodo Swaggins, Grey Hair - Don't Care

#21 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week: Lost to Frodo Swaggins 16-13 

Highlights:  From September 5th until this past Saturday, Grey Hair - Don't Care have scored 41 points (W), followed by 30 points (W), 24 points (L), 21 points (L), 14 points (L), and 13 points (L).  The way it's trending we're half expecting a Pick-1 on an extra point to be their only score against En Fuego this week.  Losing to Frodo by 3 points is nothing shameful by itself, but what happened to the offense?  Not sure what's wrong with with the former Holy Kielbasans/HK7s/End Gamers this season, they just don't look as sharp as we're used to seeing.  

Next Week:  En Fuego

#22 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Intentional Pounding 26-6

Highlights:  We wonder how Practice Squad gets themselves psyched up for games at this point.  They know they're better than everyone outside of the McGregor family, and B is just going to beat up on whoever crosses their path until the Mountain Dew Me showdown in the finals.  Sucks to be TOX or Zack Attack right now.

Next Week:  TOX, Zack Attack

#23 Darrick Castronova - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  DNP

Highlights:  Looked like Sam and Dean saw action for the Platoon this week, so Darrick drops in the Rankings.  That was an easy one.

Next Week:  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo

#24 Lucas Kramer - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat All We Do is Quinn 22-20

Highlights:  Vaspian hangs on after running up a big lead and hands a depleted AWDIQ their first loss of their season.  Vaspian is trending up with two wins in a row after an 0-4 start (really 0-3 with a forfeit).  This was a team that many thought would take a big step forward this season, and for whatever reason it hadn't happened.  Maybe we're seeing it now?  Kramer and Co can still finish the regular .500 with a pair of winnable games on the schedule this week.

Next Week:  The Untouchaballs, Scared Hitless

#25 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat Zack Attack 28-15

Highlights:  Zack Attack had no answer for the seductive power of Darryl's hair, and the best looking team in purple (sorry Quinn, sorry Family Feud) notches another big win this season.  Cobblestone's combined record against D5 powerhouses Mountain Dew Me and Practice Squad: 0-2, outscored 62-2.  Cobblestone's combined record against every other team in D5: 4-0-1, outscoring their opponents 140-84.  Darryl's playing great... but are Cobblestone really contenders?

Next Week:  TOX, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

#26 Larry Chruscial - Over Compensators - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Lost to Uncle Rico's Time Travelers 46-40 

Highlights:  The 6 point loss to Rico's can't FEEL good, but a one score game against a top contender in your division?  We've seen worse.  Sometimes when you move up a division you have to take a step backwards before you can take two steps forward, and this season looks like O.C.'s step backwards.  [TSLQBPR Committee Note: although we wrote about Larry in last week's article, we mistakenly included an early draft of the Power Rankings chart at the top with Joe Buscaglia in the 25th spot.  Our bad, Larry.]

Next Week:  Cunning Stunts

#27 Steve Moser - Family Feud and some dudes - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 46-32

Highlights:  The bad news for Family Feud?  They gave up another 46 points in a losing effort this week.  The good news?  That actually helped their average points per game against, which now sits at a League worst 50.8 PPG.  Steve has looked fine though on offense.  We wonder how this team would be doing if they'd entered D5 instead.  They'd be losing to Mountain Dew Me we're sure, but could they compete with Practice Squad?  Maybe?

Next Week:  Uncle Rico's Time Travelers

#28 Joe Buscaglia - Pteratacos - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 43-10, lost to Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 39-26

Highlights:  Pteratacos lost by 13 points, then beat the same team by 33 points a couple hours later.  Football is funny like that.  It should surprise absolutely no one to hear that the Dew Crew and Practice Squad are #1 and #2 in points per game in D5.  #3?  That would be Pteratacos, who have improved tremendously since last year when they won their only game of the season in the final week.  Also, uh, what is the combined age of QBs in D5?  Asking for a friend...

Next Week:  Zack Attack

#29 Steve Miller - Graves Bros - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat the Bambs 46-32

Highlights:  Steve Miller makes history as the first ever D6 QB to be featured in our Power Rankings (or at least, the portion we share on the website every week).  And why not?  Graves Bros are in first place, no one can catch them, and they lead the division in offensive points per game (33.0).  This is a TIGHT division but Graves Bros hold a slight edge, due in large part to their quarterbacking.

Next Week:  The BiPolar Express

#30 Andrew Kicak - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat Pteratacos 39-26, lost to Pteratacos 43-10

Highlights:  See: Pteratacos description above.  A win and a loss for Andrew Kicak this week as he makes his TSL QB Power Rankings debut.  Andrew has QBed four games this season, and he has beaten every team he's played against so far (he also has a 33 point loss against one of those teams, but we're stressing the positives).  The Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (the greatest name in sports) were 0-4 to start the season, and it seems like a QB change was all they needed to find their mojo.

Next Week:  Cobblestone

League Offenses - All Divisions (Chart)

Alright, so we're a little lazier than last week.  Below is just ONE chart for all 44 teams in the League, sorted highest to lowest on offensive PPG.  We've colored each division to make it easier to see where you stack up against your peers.  As always, forfeit games have been removed from the math below:

Immediate thoughts (besides that you hate these graphs)?

D4 is unreal.  They have 5 of the top 6 offenses in the League, with one middle of the pack team (Over Compensators) and one offense (Freeballers) we'll say is "struggling", to be charitable.

D5 is where offense goes to die.  Mountain Dew Me is, of course, pretty good, 7th in the League.  Practice Squad is decent.  Pteratacos... respectable.  Then they have 5 of the 8 worst offenses in the League.  

D1 is more or less what you'd expect, except... how many people would have guessed Tight Ends in Motion were the top offense in the highest division?  Between Bro (2 games) and Alex Buchlis (4 games) they've put together some impressive numbers.  

The Bambs seem to have the highest scoring offense (16th in the League) of any team NOT recognized in the QB Power Rankings above.  And you thought YOUR team was unfairly disrespected by our Rankings!

What's the WORST offensive team above that we think has an outside shot at winning their division?  Hmmm... if Dean makes a miracle comeback we would say Peachy Platoon, but let's assume that doesn't happen for now.  Probably Practice Squad (low in the rankings but still second in their division) or Marketing Mayors if they bring their best squad (plus they're second in D1 in defense).  For teams below them on the chart?  We're not optimistic.

Final Observations/Questions:

• Last week we had three remaining undefeated teams, including Eyes Downtown, Mountain Dew Me and All We Do is Quinn, and TWO winless teams, including Freeballers and Why So Serious?  Now we are down to ONE of each going into the final week of the season.  Mountain Dew Me is your last undefeated team.  Freeballers are your last winless team.  Last season there were NO teams that finished without at least one win or one loss.  Will 2020 be different?
• The longest active winning streaks in the League belonged to Mountain Dew Me (7 wins) and Freeballers (5 losses) and neither team played this past week.  There are no other teams that tied either streak this week.
• Excluding two forfeit results, any guesses on how many shutouts there have been this year?  The answer is four.  Mountain Dew Me has two (30-0 over Zack Attack, 53-0 over Intentional Pounding), Scared Hitless has one (52-0 over Freeballers) and Practice Squad has one (30-0 over Cobblestone)
• What would our Top Ten look like if we ranked them based on speed instead of Quarterbacking?  Joey Batts #1 and then maybe Vince Taverna or Mark Dalfonso at #2?  What about if we ranked them on receiving ability?  Would Joey Batts or Mike Thomas be #1?  What about strongest arm?  Best looking?  Most likely to offer to drive you home when you drink too much at the bar?  Rankings are fun.
• Where would Travis be ranked if he consistently started for any one team in the League instead of subbing?  Top Ten, right?  Where would Joe Z rank, with his 0-1 record for Eyes Downtown?  Top Sixty?

That's it for this week.  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? we never finished drawing our fourth face on Mount Rushmore? not enough Tater Tots coverage?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.  

What's YOUR ranking?

Week 6 Power Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 23 September 2020 19:15

Published: Wednesday, 23 September 2020 19:15

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 56

"There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa" - John Madden, certified football genius

Welcome back to Week Six of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

• QB Power Rankings - Top 20 QBs ranked this week
• Team Stats - broken out by division this week
• Stats and Observations
• TSL QB Power Rankings vs the Godfather

QB Power Rankings

Here are the Week Six Rankings, with a Bonus #11-20 shown in the chart below.  More movement than usual this week: 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin That End Zone 28-14

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Seriously?  We're going to push someone into the #1 spot when they haven't played and beaten the previous #1 yet this season?  Cole beat a D2 team in Crossover week, hardly the statement win needed to be #1 in the Power Rankings.

Why It's Not:  Chris has the best record in D1 at 5-0, and he's shown up and won with depleted rosters the last two weeks.  Not enough guys a couple of weeks ago?  No problem, W.  Not enough girls this week?  No problem, W.  The reigning champ show up every week.  Which brings us to #2 in the Power Rankings...

Next Week: Eyes Downtown, Marketing Mayors

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Beat Jabronies 29-28... without Bobby (Eyes Downtown), lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 40-26 (The Angels)

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Bobby is STILL undefeated in D1 this year, and has more PPG than Chris.  How do you lose your #1 ranking with that kind of resume?

Why It's Not:  For starters, skipping your game isn't going to help.  Bobby did show up for the very end of the Jabronies game, which Eyes Downtown ALMOST lost without their star QB.  Attendance matters!  That, along with The Angels losing their first game of the season, is enough to demote Mr. McConnell to the #2 spot for now.  Don't like it?  These two teams play each other at 9 a.m. this week, so we will have a definite answer on who the undisputed king of the TSL Power Rankings is... unless, of course, that game ends in a tie.

Next Week: Public Enemy, Why So Serious? (Eyes Downtown), The Untouchaballs (The Angels)

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Forfeited their D2 Crossover game against Dilfs

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Bobby McConnell gets punished for skipping MOST of a game his team actually WON, and Mark gets a free pass to keep his #3 spot after forfeiting a game?  Who comes up with this bullshit??

Why It's Not:  Well, Bobby was a little different, because he was a 1A with a 1B right on his heels.  There is no one right on Mark's heels.  He seems like the clear #3 in the League right now, and there's no one we're going to push ahead of him just for skipping one game.  We're not happy about the forfeit though, as it costs us the chance to see what Dilfs could have done against a D1 team if they'd moved up after winning D2 last year.

Next Week: Public Enemy

#4 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#7)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 52-45 (Gryffindor), beat Freeballers 37-21, Over Compensators 53-42 (Cunning Stunts).

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Wasn't Joey ranked 10th just two weeks ago?  Who has Gryffindor beaten this year, besides a D2 team in Crossover week and a winless D1 team that couldn't even win its own D2 Crossover game?

Why It's Not:  Strength of schedule is not working in Joey's favor for Gryffindor, but the fact remains that they are 2-1 in the highest division, and they now have THE highest PPG in D1.  Between Gryffindor and Cunning Stunts, Joey-led teams scored 142 points on Saturday.  28 of the 44 teams in the League haven't even scored 142 points all year.

Next Week: Tight Ends in Motion (Gryffindor), Uncle Rico's Time Travelers (Cunning Stunts)

#5 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#4)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 28-14

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  For the sake of argument?  Slytherin are 3-1 and averaging 27.3 PPG, and Marketing Mayors are 1-3 and averaging 17.3 PPG, yet Newman sits two spots below Dalfonso.  Unfair?  Yeah, that's a stretch.

Why It's Not:  This is one that we're pretty confident we've got right for the time being.  The highest ranked QB in D2 has the best record in his division and sits behind only four D1 QBs in our Rankings.  He throws a concerning amount of picks, but still, #5 feels about right.

Next Week: Morning Wood, Dilfs

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#5)

Last Week:  Lost to Gryffindor 52-45

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Mike's only losses this year have been to #4 ranked QBs - first Dean, and now Joey.  45 points in his first D1 Crossover game would be good enough to win, if Sticky had bothered to play defense.  We understand ranking him below the D1 guys (especially the one who just beat him head to head) but Sticky is outscoring Slytherin by more than 7 PPG - does Mike really belong behind Newman?

Why It's Not:  Newman's been doing it longer than Mike, so he gets the benefit of the doubt for now.  Sticky can't afford to look ahead to that Slytherin Game, with rivalry games against Jabronies and Bullet Club on their schedule for this week.

Next Week: Jabronies, Bullet Club

#7 Alex Buchlis - Tight Ends in Motion - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 58-20

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Tight Ends in Motion are still winless in D1 play, with their only W coming against a struggling D2 team in Crossover action.  How is that enough to justify Buchlis rising in the rankings at the expense of players like Vince and Scott who ALSO won this week?

Why It's Not:  If you're going to hold TEIM's schedule against them when they win, then you should keep it in mind when they lose too.  Their first two games were against the #1 and #2 ranked QBs in the League - what team WOULDN'T have started 0-2 against that lineup?  (Yes, your team would have lost both games too.  They would have.  Shut up.)  Even with two thirds of their games against D1 powerhouses, somehow Buchlis and Co are only ONE point behind Gryffindor for being the highest scoring offense  per game in D1 right now.  Not bad for a guy that allegedly can't throw a ball more than 15 yards.

Next Week: Gryffindor

#8 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 42-21, beat Untouchaballs 32-28

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  It's 100% bullshit that Vince drops TWO spots in the rankings this week after going 2-0, including a 21 point win over a previously undefeated Grey Hair - Don't Care squad.  There's no logic that will make this okay.

Why It's Not:  Vince, it's not you, it's... Joey and Alex.  They both scored more points in wins against higher division teams.  You took care of business, but damn, so did they.  AWDIQ has mowed down two of the best teams in D3 this session, AND handed the hottest team in D4 their only loss.  #8 might feel harsh after being #6 last week, but Vince is still the highest rated QB in his division.

Next Week: Scared Hitless

#9 Joe Miano - Jabronies - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 29-28

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  This might be the single most bullshit Ranking of the season so far.  Jabronies are the single highest scoring offense in D2 right now, yet somehow Miano is the third ranked D2 QB in our Power Rankings?  Plus Joe came within 1 point of beating Eyes Downtown this week!!  Yes, we ALL know Bobby wasn't there and that makes a huge difference, but remember, Bobby doesn't play D.  That team is stacked with defensive talent, and Joe STILL put up 28 points against them.  It's insane that he is ranked this low.

Why It's Not:  The Jabronies are 3-2, but one of those wins came against a Dean-less Platoon, and another win came with Bro Kleckler at QB.  Take them away and Joe is 1-2 with a quality win over Dilfs, and losses to Slytherin and Eyes Downtown.  Jabronies face off against Morning Wood and Sticky Bandits this week - two more wins and it'll be impossible to hold Miano down in the Power Rankings with these weak "who has he beaten" arguments anymore.

Next Week: Morning Wood, Sticky Bandits

#10 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#8)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 30-24

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  The highest scoring QB in the League at 44 PPG is the tenth QB in our Power Rankings this week, dropping two spots for BEATING a team that began the day undefeated.  

Why It's Not:  See: Vince Taverna, above.  Higher division QBs with bigger wins displaced Scotty and Vince.  Fair?  Debatable, but to quote a useless expression, "it is what it is".  After dropping the AWDIQ game last week, Scotty's already working on his next winning streak, with En Fuego in his crosshairs this week.  Expect another 40+ points for Swaggins.

Next Week: En Fuego

A few quick hits on the QBs on the verge of cracking the Top Ten... but not quite there yet:

#11 Brandt Dubey - No, you don't get credit for a "D1 Crossover win" when it comes via forfeit.  Shame on Marking Mayors.  If Dilfs had won an actual game against the #3 QB in the TSL Power Rankings, Dubey would be skyrocketing up the chart right now.  Assuming of course that he was the QB for that game, which is always a question mark with Dilfs. 

#12 Tim Zielinski  - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers go 1-1 this week with a 44-30 win over Family Feud and Some Dudes (hey, the Godfather was right about our line on this game being too high) and a 44-28 loss to Buffalo Solar Solutions.  Tim is still the highest scoring nongender team QB in D4, a division where offense is king and defense is apparently nonexistent.

#13 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care began the day undefeated with games scheduled against the two best teams in D3 and a chance to firmly take over #1 in their division standings.  They finished the day with two losses and a negative point differential on the season to date, proving that they're not QUITE in that top tier of great teams in their division yet.  Eickhoff is better than he gets credit for, but he's still chasing Vince and Scotty in the Power Rankings for a reason.

#14 Pete Nguyen - Why So Serious was the only D1 team to play and lose to a D2 team in Crossover Week.  Morning Wood are no slouches, but to only put up 16 points in a lower division game?  The rough start for WSS continues, and they don't seem likely to turn it around this week with a game against Eyes Downtown.

#15 Andy Clark - D4 has been the battleground of gender team superpowers The Angels and Cunning Stunts for so long, it's easy to forget that there are other teams in the division.  The team at the TOP of the standings right now?  Buffalo Solar Solutions at 4-1 after a 40-26 victory over the Angels this week (really 46-26 we're told, but the refs didn't mark the final TD as time expired).  Andy Clark remains undefeated this year for BSS, as their only loss for the season (a Crossover Game against D3's best team, we should point out) was when he was injured way back in Week One and didn't play.  Bobby McConnell, Joey Batts, and Tim Zielinski are all above Andy in our Power Rankings, and he has beaten them all this season.  Andy might be battling Joe Miano for the title of most underappreciated QB in the League right now.

#16 Ricky Austin - Ricky's attendance is going to start killing him in the Power Rankings, as Bullet Club continues to ride the QB Carousel with three different starters in four games so far.  Travis filled in for Bullet Club in their D1 Crossover game this week, so nothing to say about Ricky Austin except that he falls in the Rankings due to his many absences.

#17 Aaron Ertel  - Is Morning Wood being overlooked here?  They were the ONLY D2 team to play and beat a D1 team in Crossover Week, so why isn't the elusive Aaron Ertel shooting up the Power Rankings this week?  Must be because a) they scored only 18 points in the win, which isn't great, and b) it's tough to know how good Why So Serious actually is until they win a game.  #17 feels about right for now.

#18 Blase LaDuca - The Godfather's Pre-Season review of En Fuego: "En Fuego is in D3 for some reason. When we last saw them, they were losing to Cobblestone in the D5 playoffs and crying about it. Somehow that warrants a jump to D3. These are strange times we’re living in. I admire Blase’s trust in his team, but I don’t see them dominating like they did before".  We suppose he was right, in the sense that they're not dominating, but they're also holding their own right now with a 2-2 record after a two division jump this season.  Blase may not be lighting the world on fire yet (En Fuego has the second worst PPG in the division so far) but he's hardly looked out of place in D3 either.  Give them some more time to adjust to the better competition, and En Fuego could be a real contender, if not this season then next.  Beating Frodo Swaggins this week could be the big confidence boost these guys need right now... but coming out on top against Scotty "The Moose" Drosendahl is easier said than done.

#19 Cody McGregor - For starters, you're in the wrong division Mountain Dew Me.  You SHOULD be a D3 team.  MDM have the 11th best offense in the League (37.3 PPG) and by FAR the best defense (6.3 PPG).  Add it up, and you've got the #1 Point Differential in the League at 31 PPG... yes, the Dew are winning games by an average of 31 PPG.  The second best team in the League?  The Bambs, at 15.8 PPG.  Mountain Dew Me have been absolutely Baja Blasting their opponents this season, and all of D5 is on Code Red until someone steps up to challenge them.  Yes, those were terrible Mountain Dew jokes, and no, we are not sorry.

#20 Darrick Castronova - The Peachy Platoon QB factory has churned out another winner this week, as Darrick Castronova got his first start beating Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 30-17.  We're told that Darrick is the father of Sam Castronova (who got the start for Peachy last week) and that the senior Castronova immediately had a huge game, consistently moving his team down the field and actively getting his girls involved.  For other D2 teams thinking they didn't have to worry about Peachy anymore in the post-Dean era, they may have to think again.  

Team Stats

Here are the full rankings for ALL divisions (broken out separately) for Offense, Defense, and overall Point Differential (+/-).  

What a nauseating sea of colors.  Oh we're sorry, did we get your team's color palette wrong in the chart above?  Half the league chooses black or blue as their "official" colors, so we had to improvise so everyone didn't look the same.  Why is no one bold enough to choose pink?

Also note that while forfeits are shown in the standings above, they're NOT factored into the offense, defense and point differentials we've calculated, as that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to include.

Stats and Observations:

• Why So Serious is dead last in offense, defense and point differential in D1, and Marketing Mayors is second to last in all three categories even excluding this week's forfeit.  
• Defense seems to matter more than offense in D1, as the top offenses are middle of the pack in the standings, but the top defenses are #1 and #2 in the division.  Compare that to D2, where the top three offenses are the top three in the standings, and Defense doesn't seem to matter as much.  What does that mean??  We have no idea.
• All We Do Is Quinn aren't #1 in either offense OR defense in D3, but they're #2 in both categories, and that balance is enough to keep them undefeated.  No other D3 team is in the top three on both sides of the ball.
• Last week we pointed out that Family Feud and some Dudes had such a commanding lead for "worst defense in the League" that the gap between them and the second worst defense (12.08 PPG) was larger than the gap between the second worst defense and the 22nd worst defense.  Things have improved slightly for the Feud this week, as they've dropped their average points against from 53.8 to 51.8.  Now the gap between them and the second worst defense (10.2 PPG) is only... well, larger than the gap between the second worst defense and the 20th worst defense.  Progress?
• Cunning Stunts have the 2nd best offense in the entire League at 41.4 PPG... and the 2nd worst defense in the entire League at 41.6 PPG.    Bet the "over" on Stunts games this season.  
• The Bambs and Mountain Dew Me are the only teams in first place in all categories in their division.  Vaspian, Why So Serious and Intentional Pounding are the only teams in dead last in all categories in their divisions.
• As the Sentinel pointed out, there are only four undefeated teams left in the League (Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, All We Do is Quinn, Mountain Dew Me) and four winless teams (Why So Serious, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Vaspian, Freeballers).  The winning teams don't have any obvious similarities beyond consistently scoring more points than they give up (that's how you win games folks!), but if you look at the losers, outside of Freeballers a pattern is developing... Drew plays on two of these teams, and Pete used to play on Hofbrauhaus too.  Are they all connected by the Curse of Topper?  TOX would be in this group too if Topper hadn't benched himself this week to break the curse for that team... our former Top 10 QB is just poisoning any team he touches lately.
• The longest current winning streak in the League belongs, once again, to Public Enemy.  How many do they have?  We're not exactly sure.  At LEAST 7 in a row going back to last year's playoffs, and probably more if they were winning at the end of last Fall's regular season.  It's impossible that any other team has a longer streak, since all of last year's other division champs have lost at least one game this season.  Can someone on Public Enemy let us know so we can get your records right?  Might be a moot point if they lose on Saturday to Eyes Downtown though.
• The longest current losing streak in the League belongs to either Hofbrauhaus Buffalo or Vaspian, depending on how they finished last year.  We're looking into it, but either way: Drew definitely has the record

TSL Power Rankings vs The Godfather:

Finally, each week this season, the TSL Quarterback Power Ranking Committee Analytics Team (TSLQBPRCAT for short) provides betting lines to the Godfather for each game.  We're not sure whose picks have been better on the year (all these stats are exhausting to churn out each week, give us a break) but we DO know the results of last week (excluding games that were cancelled, postponed, or rescheduled and a betting line wasn't provided):

TSLQBPRCAT:  18-6 record strictly for picking winners

Godfather:  15-9 record strictly for picking winners

Of the 24 games above, the TSLQBPRCAT was closer on the point spread for 16 games, the Godfather was closer on 6, and 2 were equally close.

Your article may be 10,000 times better than ours (yes, even our Committee agrees), but our math is PRETTY solid.

That's it for this week.  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  we TOTALLY got your team's color wrong on our charts?  it's unfair to compare ONE week of picks against the Godfather when he probably CRUSHED us the previous few weeks?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.  

What's YOUR ranking?

Week 7 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 30 September 2020 16:38

Published: Wednesday, 30 September 2020 16:38

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 58

"I have two secret weapons: my legs, my arms and my brain" - Michael Vick

Welcome back to Week Seven of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

• QB Power Rankings - Our most comprehensive rankings yet
• Division Breakdown - Graphs of all teams in the League and where they stand in their divisions: Favorites, Contenders, and Pretenders
• Final Observations

QB Power Rankings

Here are the Week Seven Rankings below.  We've shown the Top Ten every week since we started doing Power Rankings (this is our third season) and we've expanded to show the top 15 or 20 from time to time in the past.  This will be the first time showing the Top 25 though, for our most inclusive Power Rankings yet.

Due to the League's COVID protocols several games were cancelled this week, and in some cases QB's for games that weren't cancelled were told that they were unable to play in the interests of League safety.  As a result, there are a few top level quarterbacks that didn't get the chance to play this week.  Generally we've adopted a "your Ranking doesn't change if you didn't play" philosophy this week so less movement than usual, although (SPOILER ALERT) inactive Vince Taverna did jump up one spot in the rankings this week as a result of an injury to Alex Buchlis that we're told may put Alex on the shelf for the rest of the season.  Tight Ends in Motion were just getting their momentum back after a rough schedule to start the season, so the timing couldn't be worse.  Best of luck and a speedy recovery to Alex, who is one of the best quarterbacks in the League when healthy.  

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Lost to Marketing Mayors 37-26 (Eyes Downtown game cancelled this week)

Summary:  Last week we said Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown "play each other at 9 a.m. this week, so we will have a definite answer on who the undisputed king of the TSL Power Rankings is... unless, of course, that game ends in a tie."  We did not anticipate a COVID incident that would cancel half a dozen games this week.  Interestingly this is the SECOND time this year that the Public Enemy vs. Eyes Downtown showdown has been cancelled, as they were scheduled to go head-to-head back in August during "the Shutdown" as well.  Maybe this is just the Football Gods' way of saying that the regular season is too small a stage for this game, and that they shouldn't meet until the Finals?  THE REMATCH ONE FULL YEAR IN THE MAKING... Topper could charge admission to watch that one.  But we're getting ahead of ourselves.  Public Enemy didn't play Eyes Downtown this week, but they DID play Marketing Mayors, who upset the defending champs, handed them their first loss of the season, and broke the League's longest active winning streak.  Public Enemy still has a better record than Marketing Mayors and even a better record head to head (1-1, outscored them a combined 67-52) so Chris keeps the #1 spot for now, but the whispers about Bobby deserving the top spot grow a little louder this week...

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Beat Gryffindor 49-15, beat Public Enemy 37-26

Summary:  Dominant performance by Mark this week.  Marketing Mayors crushed a short handed Gryffindor team, then snapped Public Enemy's latest undefeated streak.  There's a reason Cole, McConnell and Dalfonso never seem to fall out of the Top Three in the Power Rankings.  Mark seems stuck in a Rankings rut unfortunately, because he's too good to drop to #4, and he's still stuck behind Cole and Bobby, each of whom he has lost to once this season.  If Marketing Mayors can stay hot for playoffs in October, then Mark can prove us wrong when it matters most.  

#4 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#4)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 30-23, lost to Marketing Mayors 49-15 (Gryffindor), lost to Uncle Rico's Time Travelers 53-44 (Cunning Stunts)

Summary:  A loss to a higher ranked QB in the Marketing Mayors game?  Sure.  A win against a Tight Ends in Motion team who were playing without their injured starting QB for much of the game?  Yep.  A high scoring game with Cunning Stunts where they put up a boatload of points and lost because they can't play defense?  Again... no surprises there.  Minus the injury to Buchlis, we could have predicted all of this last week.  Gryffindor and Cunning Stunts are both dark horses for their respective divisions, and both teams need Joey to get hot at just the right time to have any chance in the playoffs.

#5 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#5)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 38-35, beat Jabronies 39-28

Summary:  We predicted that the Sticky Bandits would go 1-1 last week, but we expected Mike to beat Bullet Club and then come up short against Jabronies.  Instead Sticky Nation collapsed on the last defensive play of their first game, letting Bullet Club escape with a walk-off TD, and then took down one of the best teams in D2 a couple hours later.  The Sticky Bandits are now 4-3 and have surpassed Jabronies for the highest scoring offense in D2.  If Newman is available to play next weekend, Sticky Bandits vs SITE (yes, that's the agreed upon acronym, doesn't make any sense to us either) will be a battle for the #5 slot in the Power Rankings as well as a possible D2 Finals preview.

#7 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#8 Brandt Dubey - Dilfs - Previous Rank (#11)

Last Week:  Beat Peachy Platoon 43-19, beat Slytherin that End Zone 35-22

Summary:  The D2 defending champs are suddenly leading their division again after two resounding wins this weekend.  Tough to tell how much of this is skill and how much of it is just the easiest schedule of all time.  Their last three games: 1) a Slytherin team missing both its QB and top female.  2) a Peachy team that could only field three guys (none of which are named Dean) and played with three girls all game.  3) a forfeit win over a D1 team.  Even Topper could have gone 3-0 over that stretch (well, at least 1-2... he would have won the forfeit game, we think).  Still, the Dilfs are exactly where they want to be, and control their own destiny as they chase the #1 seed.  Regardless of their opponents, Dubey is killing them, and the Dilfs are probably the favorites in their division right now.

#9 Joe Miano - Jabronies - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week:  Beat Morning Wood 35-24, lost to Sticky Bandits 39-28

Summary:  The Jabronies had a shot at first place, the #1 offense, and the #1 point differential in D2 this weekend.  They finished their double header in fourth place, the #2 offense, and the #2 point differential.  Although they beat Morning Wood as expected (Jabronies had about 57 picks in that game, give or take), they dropped their grudge match vs the Sticky Bandits, making the D2 standings that much more crowded.  Joe had a clear shot at passing Mike Thomas in the Power Rankings this week, but that's tougher to justify now that Mike has the head to head win AND a higher points per game.  

#10 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#11 Tim Zielinski - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers - Previous Rank (#12)

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 53-44

Summary:  Another day, another shootout in the "D4 Wild West" of the TSL.  Uncle Rico's are now averaging 42.3 PPG, second in the League behind only Frodo Swaggins.  Dominant, right?  Nope, the Stunts and the Angels are both less than two points behind.  Last year Uncle Rico's didn't find their groove until the second half of the season, and then they were steamrolling opponents every week.  God help the rest of D4 if they find another gear at the end of this season too.

#12 Ricky Austin - Bullet Club - Previous Rank (#16)

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 53-44

Summary:  Ricky jumps up four spots this week by upsetting the Sticky Bandits 38-35.  Just when we're ready to write off Bullet Club, they come back with a statement win like this to remind everyone why they were in the Finals last year.  Ricky has great chemistry with his receivers, but is it enough to beat the top teams in D2?  Well, Bullet Club beat Sticky Bandits, who beat Jabronies, who beat Dilfs, who beat Slytherin, who beat Morning Wood, who beat Hofbrauhaus, who beat Peachy, so anything is possible.  

#13 Andy Clark - Buffalo Solar Solutions - Previous Rank (#15)

Last Week:  Beat Over Compensators 42-20

Summary:  Andy remains undefeated this year, and the QB of the #1 team in D4 somehow remains the fourth rated QB in our Power Rankings this week.  There's no justice in the world.  True, Buffalo Solar is fifth in their division in offensive points per game, but they're #1 in point differential per game.  Someone should really make a graph of this to illustrate it better... (we call that "foreshadowing")

#14 Pete Nguyen - Why So Serious? - Previous Rank (#14)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#15 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - Previous Rank (#13)

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 26-14

Summary:  Grey Hair - Don't Care is in a full on nosedive in the D3 standings.  After starting the season 3-0 and looking like a potential championship contender, they've lost a double header to the top two teams in the division (understandable) and then followed up with a loss this week to previously winless Vaspian (less understandable).  No disrespect intended to Vaspian who have all kinds of talent, but Grey Hair is supposed to be the veteran team that wins games like this.  A 14 point showing in a losing effort is not going to do Eickhoff any favors in the Power Rankings.

#16 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me - Previous Rank (#19)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 32-6

Summary:  Whatever line we're providing the Godfather for Mountain Dew Me games never seems to be enough.  Their team stats in D5 are beyond ridiculous, and Cody's showing no signs of losing momentum now.  Not really QB related, but our favorite MDM stat seven games into their season is that they've allowed only 44 points so far for the YEAR.  9 teams allowed at least that many points in a single game on Saturday.  Can they keep it up, or will they go 2007 Patriots on us and crumble under the pressure of being the undefeated favorites in the playoffs?

#17 Aaron Ertel - Morning Wood - Previous Rank (#17)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#18 Blase LaDuca - En Fuego - Previous Rank (#18)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#19 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - Hofbrauhaus Buffalo / TOX - Previous Rank (#22)

Last Week:  Beat Peachy Platoon 48-8 (Hofbrauhaus Buffalo), lost to Practice Squad 45-26 (TOX)

Summary:  Topper gets his FIRST Quarterbacking win of the year this week against a short handed Peachy Platoon team that could only field three men.  Someone give him a trophy, we don't want this achievement to go unrecognized.  Unfortunately his "winning streak" lasted only three hours, as he reverted to form against Practice Squad in the TOX game that afternoon.  Topper claims he was missing two of his "speed guys" for that game, but he wasn't exactly lighting the world on fire when he had them either...

#20 Darrick Castronova - Peachy Platoon - Previous Rank (#20)

Last Week:  Lost to Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 48-8, lost to Dilfs 43-19

Summary:  Normally getting outscored 91-27 would be cause for a real beating in the Power Rankings, but we understand Darrick didn't have his usual weapons (or hardly any weapons) at his disposal this week.  Plus we heard that his son Sam  QBed some of the games as well, so not really a week to draw any conclusions about Castronova Senior.  It's weird seeing Peachy Platoon towards the bottom of the standings though isn't it?  They had such a meteoric rise from the lower divisions up to D2, and they were debatably the best team in that division for most of last season.  The Platoon will rise again we have no doubt... but we're not sure it'll be this season.

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - Previous Rank (#21)

Last Week:  Did Not Play... but we only showed 20 spots in our Power Rankings last week when Dylan just missed the cut, so we didn't get to talk about him then.  Scared Hitless is one of only three D3 teams with a positive point differential, and Dylan has been a big part of their success to date.  We're told he's been battling an ankle injury for the past couple months, but in spite of that he's been improving every week and he's quickly picking up the co-ed football game.  Fairly or not, Scared Hitless will naturally be compared to Grey Hair - Don't Care since the teams have a shared history, so it's worth pointing out that Dylan is currently scoring 28.2 PPG while the veteran QB on Grey Hair is scoring only 27.7 PPG.

#22 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - Previous Rank (NR)

Last Week:  Beat TOX 45-26

Summary:  Practice Squad has been riding the QB Carousel all season, starting four different quarterbacks in five games.  Brian Stoldt has only been able to play one game this season due to coaching conflicts with UB football, and the team was looking for stability at the most important position. Enter B.  Not just another pretty face, not JUST your favorite ref, B is a VERY capable QB who had a nice tune-up game beating up on TOX this week.  Practice Squad is a very talented team.  With B taking snaps for the rest of the season, does the Squad have a shot at taking down the Mountain Dew Me juggernaut?  Their odds aren't great... but every other D5 team's odds are effectively zero.  

#23 Steve Moser - Family Feud and some dudes - Previous Rank (#23)

Last Week:  Did Not Play... but like Dylan, we haven't gotten a chance to write about Steve yet, so we'll do it now.  Family Feud has been mentioned in this article before mostly to highlight how historically terrible their defense has been (51.8 PPG... do they have ANY defensive stops on the year yet?) but the flip side of that is that the offense is actually playing pretty well.  They're the fifth highest scoring team in the entire League right now, which sounds a lot more impressive than saying they're the fourth highest scoring team in their own division (both statements are, weirdly, true).  Steve's sisters Rylee and Laura are two of the more underappreciated girls in the League, and they've got the Feud putting up big numbers on offense.  Eventually that has to translate into wins, we think?

#24 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - Previous Rank (#24)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 32-6

Summary:  It's taken us THREE SEASONS of Power Ranking quarterbacks but we're finally here.  Darryl Fuckin' Carr, TSL Legend, Global Shampoo and Conditioner Icon (we assume).  Cobblestone is 3-2-1 and chasing only D5 powerhouses Mountain Dew Me and Practice Squad in the standings.  Sure, Cobblestone got destroyed by the Dew this week.  No shame in that, the Green Bay Packers couldn't beat the Dew Crew right now.  But Cobblestone has a winning record and TSL fans worldwide are rejoicing.  

#25 Larry Chruscial - Over Compensators - Previous Rank (#25)

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 42-20

Summary:  Remember last year when Over Compensators were murdering everyone in D5?  They did the right thing by moving up when they won the division, but we're a little bit shocked at how they're struggling right now.  A 2-4 record and the second worst offense in D4 doesn't sound like the team we know and love.  Old rivals En Fuego raised a few eyebrows by skipping D4 entirely and making the jump to D3, but they've somehow managed a winning record.  There's got to be something going on with the O.C.  Do they still have all the same people from last year?  Inquiring minds want to know.  Larry is a former Top 10 QB in our Rankings, and it feels wrong to have him down at #25 right now.

Division Breakdown - Favorites, Contenders & Pretenders

Has it really been seven weeks without ANY graphs in this article?  We've let our faithful readers down FAR too long, so it's time to fix that.

For each division, we've graphed average point differential per game, per team.  This includes all games that teams have played, including Crossover weeks with other divisions (which yes, skews the data a bit, since not all teams have played Crossover games yet).  Forfeit games are NOT included below.

Teams highlighted in GREEN are your division favorites, YELLOW are your contenders, and RED are your pretenders.  We did NOT make any subjective decisions as to which team belongs in which category, so don't send us any angry emails - this is strictly math.  If your team is one of the dozen in this league that are winning by an average of more than 6 points per game (one male TD), congrats, you're a favorite in your division.  If your team is one of 11 in this league that are losing by an average of more than 6 points per game, sorry, you're a pretender in your division.  The other 21 teams that are either winning or losing games by less than 6 points on average fall into the contender bucket.

Let's get to it!

The "+/- 6 PPG" cutoff seems to work perfectly in D1.  You have two favorites to win the division, three teams that are clearly underdogs but could still conceivably get hot and make a playoff run, and one team that is going to be one-and-done in the playoffs (sorry WSS).  Can't really argue this division.

Our "+/- 6 PPG" system isn't nearly as strong in D2.  Truthfully any of these teams can beat any other team in the division, and if you throw out Peachy's two short handed games this week, both Dilfs and Peachy Platoon would fall into the "Contenders" bucket (and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo would fall into the "Pretender" bucket after you strip away their 40 point win over Peachy Lite).  We tend to think of this division as mostly Contenders, but our system says otherwise.

Quinn and Frodo Swaggins are D3 superpowers.  No surprises there.  Vaspian doesn't look ready to contend this season, but we think of all the other teams as Contenders.  The only real outlier in this graph is Scared Hitless, who are averaging +10 PPG... however this would drop to -0.5 PPG if we threw out their 52-0 Crossover game against the D4 Freeballers, which is BADLY skewing their data here.  So take that "favorite" with a grain of salt.

D4 is really spot on, isn't it?  Three teams seem to be a notch above the rest, Cunning Stunts is dangerous but flawed with their nonexistent defense, and then the other three teams aren't really expected to compete for the championship.  If you're one of those three pretenders, don't blame us, that's the graph talking.

There are two contenders in D5, and one of them is much better than the other.  The "eye test" says it's true, and the graph confirms the hell out of it.  A few teams have respectable point differentials and you never know, they could make some noise in the playoffs, but it would be a shock if our finals was anything other than the Dew vs the Squad.

One of the reasons we love graphs so much is they tell us stories we might not have known otherwise.  D2 somewhat deservedly has a reputation as the most wide open division this year, but take a look at D6.  We did NOT realize there was this much parity.  If the Bambs had scored one fewer touchdown in ANY of their games this season (or allowed one more touchdown on defense), we would be looking at 8 teams ALL within 6 PPG one way or the other.  There would be no favorites, no pretenders, just a division of 8 contenders.  And we think that's pretty awesome.  But hey, good for the Bambs for ruining this graph by being SLIGHTLY better than their peers.

Final Observations:

• Last week we had four remaining undefeated teams and four remaining winless teams, but this week Public Enemy suffered their first loss while Vaspian and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo won their first games.  There are now THREE remaining undefeated teams, including Eyes Downtown, Mountain Dew Me and All We Do is Quinn, and TWO winless teams, including Freeballers and Why So Serious?
• With Public Enemy's loss this week, there are officially NO division champions remaining from last year that are still undefeated in 2020. 
• The new longest active winning streak in the League belongs to Mountain Dew Me who are currently at 7 games and counting.  The longest active losing streak belongs to Freeballers at 5 games and counting.
• Chris Cole is our highest ranked QB of the season so far, and Garrett Beesing leads the highest scoring offense.  But who has the highest passer rating in the League?  That may belong to Scott Keller Jr. of Intentional Pounding with a 158.3 perfect rating.  This "next generation" Keller QB is 1 for 1 this season for a full field TD.  Unless there's someone out there whose only throw was a full field GENDER TD, we think Scotty's record is safe.

That's it for this week.  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? graphs are for nerds? you wish we'd expand to Top 30 next week but you're KIND of nervous you won't make the cut for that either?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.  

What's YOUR ranking?

Week 5 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:52

Published: Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:52

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 71

"You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the end zone" - John Madden, certified football genius

Welcome back to Week Five of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

• Weekly News
• QB Power Rankings - Top 10 in detail, and a blurb on the next 5 as well
• Team Stats - our first charts of the 2020 season!
• Final Observations

Weekly News

The Godfather already broke the story last week (TSL QB Rankings had unfortunately already gone to press) but our Rankings will look a little different this week without Dean Thompson of Peachy Platoon fame.  The #4 ranked QB in the TSL now has work commitments on Saturdays and we hear he won't be back until Spring.  Tough loss for the League, as Dean was not only a top QB but an elite defender and one of the nicest people to play the game.  He'll be missed this session, though maybe not by the D2 teams that had to play against him.  Dean's replacement's name is Sam, and we don't know much about him yet.  You won't see his name in the Rankings below (losing your debut 52-23 is not the best way to get ranked) but he's surrounded by some of the best young athletes in the League so might just be a matter of time.  Best of luck to Sam and the rest of Peachy - Dean's going to be a tough one to replace.

We're starting to think there's something cursed about that #4 spot.  First Matty leaves, and now Dean.  Does no one want to step up and complete the Mount Rushmore of TSL Quarterbacking??  We're not sure anyone else in the Top Ten is really ready to etch their face into the mountain quite yet, but time will tell.

QB Power Rankings

Here are the Week Five Rankings, with a Bonus #11-15 shown in the chart below.  Without Dean, all the other active QBs (the winning ones, at least) generally slotted up a spot this week in the Power Rankings. 

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Beat Marketing Mayors 38-21 (Eyes Downtown), beat Over Compensators 53-32 and Family Feud and Some Dudes 51-30 (The Angels)

The Headline:  The number one QB in the Power Rankings remains unbeaten - top spot unchallenged this week

The Stat:  Bobby is now 6-0 between both of his teams this season, and is averaging 43.5 ppg

Next Week: Jabronies in D2 Crossover Game (Eyes Downtown), Buffalo Solar Solutions (The Angels)

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Beat Marketing Mayors 41-13, beat Tight Ends in Motion 30-29

The Headline:  Public Enemy overcomes significant personnel absences, remains undefeated atop the D1 standings

The Stat:  Chris and Bobby are still 0-0 against each other this season, as the national sporting community holds its collective breath for the eventual clash of titans

Next Week: Slytherin That End Zone in D2 Crossover Game

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 38-21, lost to Public Enemy 41-13

The Headline:  Marketing Mayors does NOT overcome personnel absences in brutal schedule against top two D1 teams; Dalfonso not punished in Rankings for losing to QBs already ranked ahead of him

The Stat:  Marketing Mayors are scoring only 23 PPG, worse than every other D1 team but newcomers Why So Serious?  Is it the schedule, or is something wrong here?

Next Week: Dilfs in D2 Crossover Game (which would just be a D1 game if Dilfs had moved up when they won the D2 title...)

#4 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#5)

Last Week: Beat Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 31-22

The Headline:  Winners keep winning as SITE remains the only undefeated D2 team, and losers keep losing (Topper 0-8 on the season, plummets in QB Rankings)

The Stat:  Slytherin third in D2 in scoring behind Jabronies and Sticky Bandits, but first in defense.  Winning because of Newman or in spite of him??  Critics want to see more before engraving his face on Mount Rushmore of TSL QBs.

Next Week: Public Enemy in D1 Crossover Game

#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week: Beat Morning Wood 37-31

The Headline:  Sticky Nation is (surprisingly?) one of three teams in D2 with a winning record, and their only loss came against a now-inactive Dean Thompson.

The Stat:  Every Sticky Bandits game this season has been within one score, proving these guys can hang with (or potentially lose to) anyone.

Next Week: Gryffindor in D1 Crossover Game

#6 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#7)

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 40-38

The Headline:  Quinn wins the Frodo Swaggins grudge match/D3 Championship preview, remains undefeated.  Vince looks fantastic in winning effort, plays other unbeaten D3 team Grey Hair - Don't Care next week.  

The Stat:  This balanced AWDIQ team has the second best Offense, second best Defense, and the very best Point Differential in D3.

Next Week: Untouchaballs, Grey Hair - Don't Care

#7 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week: Beat Why So Serious 44-26 (Gryffindor), beat Vaspian 36-26, lost to Family Feud and Some Dudes (Cunning Stunts)

The Headline:  Gryffindor re-writes early season team narrative with win, now owns third best offense, defense, point differential, and record in D1.  Stunts go 1-1, including surprising loss to TSL newcomers Family Feud and Some Dudes.

The Stat:  Gryffindor wins their first ever pure D1 regular season game. We looked it up - they had previously won two D1/D2 crossover games, including a win over D2 Dilfs on August 31st 2019 (while Gryffindor was in D1) and a win over D1 #XTC@Angry Buffalo on June 8th 2019 (while Gryffindor was in D2).  And they beat Marketing Mayors in the first round of the Fall 2019 Playoffs, which is when you want to be winning games anyway.  But this was the first regular season D1 vs D1 win we could find.  The new Gryffindor is trending up.

Next Week: Sticky Bandits (Gryffindor), Freeballers, Over Compensators (Cunning Stunts)

#8 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#8)

Last Week: Lost to AWDIQ 40-38

The Headline:  Quinn wins the Frodo Swaggins grudge match/D3 Championship preview (yeah, we copy/pasted that from above).  Somebody had to lose that game, and unfortunately for Scotty, it was Swaggins.

The Stat:  Frodo Swaggins is still the highest scoring team in the League at 48.7 PPG.  They are also the 35th ranked defense at 35.7 PPG allowed.  To quote Scotty Ballgame himself, "we're handing out 36 PPG like I'm dong this shit for charity.  IT ENDS NOW".  No comment from defensive scapegoat Garrett Beesing as of yet.

Next Week: Grey Hair - Don't Care

#9 Alex Buchlis - Tight Ends in Motion - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week: Lost to Public Enemy 30-29

The Headline:  TEIM couldn't get past a short handed Public Enemy team for their first win of the season (although how "short handed" can a team really be with arguably the league's best QB AND best non-QB in Boccio?) 

The Stat:  The Tight Ends defense is second worst in D1, and only 0.3 PPG better than newcomers Why So Serious?  Is something wrong here, or is that just a product of starting their season against Eyes Downtown and Public Enemy?  If TEIM doesn't right the ship defensively, it's going to put a lot of pressure on Alex and the O to keep up.

Next Week: Bullet Club in D2 Crossover Game

#10 Joe Miano - Jabronies - Previous Rank (#13)

Last Week: Beat Dilfs 36-20, beat Peachy Platoon 52-23

The Headline:  Jabronies vaulted from middle of the pack to second best record in D2 by beating the reigning champ Dilfs and crushing the Dean-less Peachy Platoon.  Their reward - a juicy D1 ladder match against Eyes Downtown next week.

The Stat:  It's a little skewed from dropping 50+ against a suddenly vulnerable Peachy team, but Jabronies are now the highest scoring team in D2 at 36.75 PPG.  Joe Miano was QBing in D6 literally two sessions ago, and now he's leading D2.  Don't be afraid to swing big, kids.

Next Week: Eyes Downtown in D1 Crossover Game

A few quick hits on the QBs on the verge of cracking the Top Ten... but not quite there yet:

#11 Brandt Dubey - FINALLY we get to rank a Dilfs QB.  They've always been good, they just seem to shuffle around too much for us to commit to one in our rankings.  Dubey went 1-1 this week, dropping the Jabronies game 36-20 and then beating Bullet Club 27-15.  Dubey is one of only five QBs in the history of our Power Rankings to ever crack the Top Two.

#12 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care are still undefeated and they play BOTH of the D3 Superpowers this week in AWDIQ and Frodo Swaggins.  Win them both and Eickhoff will absolutely punch his ticket back to the Top Ten.

#13 Pete Nguyen - Didn't see Pete at the fields on Saturday.  Absence makes him drop one spot to #13 this week.

#14 Tim Zielinski  - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers were the hottest team in the TSL the second half of last Fall, and even though it's nearly a year later they've picked up right where they left off.  URTT are the third highest scoring team in the TSL behind only Frodo Swaggins and The Angels, and Tim has been described as "a prolific pocket passer [with] great accuracy. He utilizes all of his receivers and is a great game manager".  The Time Travelers are also 2-1 in a very competitive division.

#15 Ricky Austin - Ricky lost a heated game to Dilf's this week, and Bullet Club is middle of the pack in D2 right now.  They'll need Good Ricky next week if they want to have a shot of winning a D1 Crossover Game.

Team Stats

Here are the ten best and ten worst teams in the League across ALL divisions for Offense, Defense, and overall Point Differential (+/-).  We'll do a divisional breakdown some other week.

Final Observations:

• Mountain Dew Me is now 3-0, with the fourth best offense in the League, the best defense, and by FAR the best total point differential.  They're averaging a 42-6 win per week.  They've allowed three total scores on the season, and they have given up exactly zero extra points.  Mountain Dew QB Cody McGregor has been described as "the youngest of the four brothers, made from the leftovers.  Fueled by Bud Light and McChicken Sandwiches.  Moved from receiver to QB due to lack of speed in his legs, that he makes up for with power in his arm".  Can we push them up a division mid-season?  We'd say they have D5 locked up already... except Practice Squad is ALSO undefeated, and is second in the League to Mountain Dew Me in both defense and point differential.  
• Other than Mountain Dew Me, All We Do Is Quinn and Eyes Downtown were the only teams to make all three Top Ten lists at this point in the season.  TOX, Why So Serious?, Intentional Pounding, and Interdimensional Lightning Falcons made all three Bottom Ten lists.
• Although they've done well enough on the offensive side of the ball, Family Feud and Some Dudes have given up nearly 54 PPG on defense.  That means the gap between them and the second worst defense (12.08 PPG) is larger than the gap between the second worst defense and the 22nd worst defense.  Yikes.
• There are 9 undefeated teams left in the League.  There are 7 winless teams remaining.
• Poor Intentional Pounding.  Second worst offense in the League.  Tied for second worst defense in the League.  Unsurprisingly, worst point differential in the League.  Can't be fun losing games by an average of 26 points per week.  And yet somehow they're not on the winless list, having beaten TOX already.  Damn, Topper, get your shit together.

As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  the green/red coloring on that chart was gaudy and you expected better of us?  you demand more Mount Rushmore artwork?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.

What's YOUR ranking?