Week 7 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 07 October 2021 14:40

Published: Thursday, 07 October 2021 14:40

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 98

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

One week of regular season football remaining in 2021.  Excuse our language for a second (look away if you have sensitive eyes) but pretty fucking exciting, right?  Unless you're one of six teams in D3 or D4 you already have a playoff spot locked up, BUT it's still important to finish strong.  Pride, momentum, playoff seeding, or even one final F.U. to a division rival.  This week is your last chance to get it in before playoffs start and legends are born. 

This week we have the following for you:

• QB Power Rankings - the Top 30 quarterbacks in Western New York touch football (sorry other Leagues, but the TSL is where the best come to play!)
• Overachievers and Underachievers - we're taking a look at which teams have outperformed expectations this year and which have failed to meet our expectations.  If the receiver rankings have taught us anything, it's that you'll be insulted either way: it's either "I can't believe they didn't think we'd be this good!" or "I can't believe they're saying we suck!"

Enjoy!

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 42-30

Copy and pasting from the past two weeks: Chris Cole and Public Enemy are still undefeated and still have the best offense (now 45.0 PPG) in the TSL.  Not only are they the best offense in the League, but they've actually been the best offense in the League from Week One of this season.  This Saturday they'll play the last regular season games in the storied history of their team (future comeback not withstanding) against Eyes Downtown and Sticky Bandits.  An undefeated championship swan song is what they've been picturing ever since Tight Ends dropped them in the Finals a few months ago.  Can they go the distance?

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 44-34, beat Slob Kabombs 36-35

Just a reminder that Eyes Downtown was given 8-1 odds to win D1 by the Vegas casinos (as reported by the Godfather in Week One of this season)... worse than Tight Ends in Motion, and worse than Losing Streak.  How do we keep forgetting that Bobby McConnell will ALWAYS be in the Finals picture?  Eyes Downtown is clearly the second best team in the League right now, having been thoroughly outclassed by Public Enemy back in Week Five and pretty much unstoppable the rest of the season.  Second best offense in D1, BEST defense in D1 ("Defense carries Eyes Downtown to championship" was not a headline we ever imagined writing).  The first round playoff bye is theirs for the taking.

#3 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 49-16 (A&A), beat Cobblestone 45-38, beat Freeballers 48-23 (the Angels)

For 15 weeks in a row, the Top Three in your TSL Power Rankings have been some combination of Chris Cole, Bobby McConnell and Bro Kleckler.  That streak is now over, as Matty Ice crashes through the glass ceiling to take the #3 spot.  We don't like to hand a ranking this high to anyone who plays outside of D1, but it's impossible to ignore what Matty is doing: 8-0 with A&A, 6-2 with the Angels, including a 6 game winning streak (okay, really five and a forfeit).  That's 13 wins in a row against some VERY good competition.  Two of the Top Ten offenses in the League are QBed by the Crop Top Kid, and a Championship double isn't out of the question for A&A and the Angels.

#4 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 44-34, lost to Losing Streak 30-20

The reigning world champions are now 4-4 and only fifth in their division in scoring.  Tight Ends' attendance issues are absolutely killing their team right now as Bro seems to be throwing to subs every time we catch one of his games.  This might be the most talented roster in the TSL when they're all present, but they're not going to repeat as champions like this.  We like to think they'll rally together for playoffs and bring back the fire they showed when they beat Public Enemy last year, but man, it's getting tough to picture that right now.

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 30-20, lost to Public Enemy 42-30 (Losing Streak), lost to Lenny's Ladies 50-26 (Victorious Secret)

Losing Streak's two wins this season have both come against Tight Ends skeleton crews.  Not that Jordan has to apologize for the fact that his team is showing up and theirs isn't, but you'd love to see a full strength game between those two teams.  Maybe we'll get it this week, as the Ladder Match schedule has them facing off for the third time this season.  Has anyone ever gone 3-0 against the defending champs and 0-6 against everyone else?  We have to imagine that would make some history.  Victorious Secret is doing a little better as they've moved into third place in D6.  That division is anyone's for the taking, so even if D1 eludes him, Jordan has a chance to win championships in his first two seasons in the TSL.

#6 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 36-35

Slob Kabombs went 0-2 this week after showing up an hour late and forfeiting a game against the Sticky Bandits, and then dropping an incredibly close finish against Eyes Downtown.  This team isn't the most organized in the world (see: scheduling mishaps) but the talent is undeniable.  Whoever draws Slob Kabombs in the first round of the playoffs is going to have a tougher out than we all figured a few months ago.

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for the Sticky Bandits after Slob Kabombs no-showed this week, but the forfeit win keeps them even with the Slobs and Losing Streak in the standings.  There's definitely a "second tier" in D1 this session but the good news for those teams is they've all played the top teams pretty well and games have rarely been blowouts.  

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 40-35

Scared Hitless goes to 6-2 and they're scoring 35.5 PPG, good for third in their division.  We can't say enough about the turnaround this team has had this session after struggling their first season in D2.  They do everything right, they have great guys, phenomenal girls, and the right QB under center to take them to a championship game.  Dylan moves up one spot in the Power Rankings this week.

#9 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Dylan for the second week in a row.  He gets passed by the other Dylan in the Power Rankings based solely on attendance this week.

#10 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 42-22

Topper gets destroyed by 20 points and STILL backs into the Top Ten??  Sounds suspicious, considering he owns the website that publishes this article.  3 pm games are obviously not where Topper does his best work, but we looked at the stats and he has both a better record, better points per game and yes, better attendance than Alex Buchlis, so the two League icons swap spots in the Power Rankings this week.  This makes it official: the only three QBs to make the Top Ten in all five seasons of our Power Rankings are now Topper, Cole, and McConnell.  That makes them the three "best"... right?

#11 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Buchlis was not at the fields this week and a bare bones Notorious BNB crew fell to TopShot with Travis quarterbacking.  Where has Alex's dad been lately?

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 40-35

Last season Passed Our Prime was the 9th best offense in the TSL and they won only a single game.  This season Passed Our Prime is the 9th best offense in the TSL and they've won two games.  Progress!  At this rate they'll be the 9th best offense in the TSL and winning their division in about five years.  Although he couldn't get passed Scared Hitless in D2 this week, Hogan did fill in for Lenny's Ladies and immediately found a win in D6 against Victorious Secret, so the day wasn't a total loss.  

#13 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Super Freaks 40-27

The Untouchaballs are the third best offense in their division... the third best defense in their division... and the third best point differential in their division.  Guess where they are in the standings?  Yes, they're in third place, in the TSL's third highest division.  We don't think they'll finish the year in third though, as Untouchaballs have wins over the two teams ahead of them (Angels and Grey Hair - Don't Care) which bodes well for their playoff chances.

#14 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 42-22

Dubey's back this week (feels like it's been a while) and XTC put the hurt on When Dove Cries 42-22.  14th in the Power Rankings might be a little low for Dubey considering he has more points per game than three of the QBs ranked ahead of him in our charts. Alas, a 3-5 record and spotty attendance don't help.

#15 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 45-43, lost to Vaspian 32-24

Tough to argue with the website poll ("Brian > Travis > Joey") but we're going to give it a shot anyway.  Breast Friends is 4th in the TSL in scoring.  Vaspian, while having a great season, is 34th, and the Cunning Stunts are 6th.  Brian has the best record, Travis has the best stats, and Joey is in between both.  We feel pretty good about our final Ranking here.

#16 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat Titsburgh Feelers 42-22, lost to Breast Friends 45-43

See: Travis (#15) above.  Cunning Stunts scored 85 points this week in an offensive clinic and somehow didn't walk away with two wins.  If Joey had the chance to trade places with Travis (move up a spot in the Power Rankings, move down four spots in the D4 standings) we suspect he'd rather keep his extra two wins.  Hey whatever happened to Mountain Dew Me?  Did their athletes disperse and find new teams, or did they just fade away and leave the League?  

#17 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Show Me Dem TDs 27-14

Grey Hair - Don't Care sits on top of the D3 standings right now moreso on the strength of their defense (best in the division) than their offense (7th in the division) but Eickhoff is obviously doing something right or they wouldn't be 6-2 right now.  Grey Hair's pedestrian point differential (+2.6 per game) doesn't give us a TON of faith in them as postseason favorites but we don't see them getting blown out of any games either.  This is a good team that wins games without dominating them.

#18 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Breast Friends 32-24

We'll continue to call Brian "the Undefeated Brian O" until he gives us a reason not to... and he hasn't yet.  Vaspian's Cinderella season continues after a solid win over Breast Friends, and they now sit alone atop the D4 standings with a 7-1 record (we'll keep reminding you, the one loss was when Brian didn't play).  Vaspian are absolutely the favorites to win their division right now, which we couldn't imagine typing a few short months ago.

#19 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Scotty is apparently stuck out of town and didn't play this week.  His teams didn't exactly thrive in his absence either - Bullet Club and 4th & Dong are on a combined 12 game losing streak this season.  Free agency will be key this offseason as Scott will need a little more help if he wants to compete for a championship in either D2 or D3 next season.

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to the Angels 45-38

Despite a 38 point effort from Darryl this week against the Angels, Cobblestone is on a three game losing streak.  They finish the season against top seeded Grey Hair - Don't Care and it LOOKS like Cobblestone has already done enough to make the playoffs: They have a one game lead and a head-to-head tiebreaker against Show Me Dem TDs so the 8th spot in the D3 postseason should be theirs win or lose this week.  A win over the #1 seed would give them a lot more confidence for the big dance though, wouldn't you think?

#21 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 43-27

A week after scoring only 9 points against Vaspian, Joe Miano rights the ship and the Falconies put up 43 in a winning effort against Buffalo Vice.  The Falconies have a bit of a "second tier" feel to them in D4 right now but they're one of only four teams with 5 wins to their name, and they boast the third best point differential in their division, so they should absolutely be considered contenders.  Miano is used to flying under the radar a bit, and he probably doesn't care at all that we just described his team as "second tier".  He'll have his Falconies ready when it matters.

#22 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Beat Wasted Potential 40-30, beat TOX 50-42

Spinelli's becomes one of only two teams to already play all 9 games this session and they wrapped up their regular season with an 8-1 record.  This squad seems destined for bigger and better things, and we're certain we'll see them in D3 (or higher) some day.  Spinelli's is third in the TSL in scoring and more importantly third in total point differential as well... and yet they're not even the best point differential in D5 with Come From Behind having a slight edge there.  If those two teams don't meet in the D5 finals, we've been robbed of a classic.

#23 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Lost to Zack Attack 34-33

Itches and Ohs falls to Zack Attack in their lowest scoring effort since Week One of the season.  They're still fine at 4-3-1, and they could lose their last game of the season against Today's Feast (they won't) and still make the playoffs.  The fact that they're 8th in their division in point differential though makes us think they might not last too long in the playoffs, but stranger things have happened.

#24 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to GUCCI 41-27

Practice Squad is clinging to that last playoff spot in D4 and a loss to 10th place GUCCI was the last thing they needed.  Fortunately for them they finish the season against the Titsburgh Feelers / Breakfast Club / Random team conglomerate, AND they have the tiebreaker over Puckett All-Stars, so they'll likely make playoffs in the end (just to lose immediately to Vaspian).  B and the Lantz family will be stronger next season, but we don't think they'll be hoisting any championship trophies at the banquet this year.

#25 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 34-33

The Attack are 3-1 in their last four games and getting hot at the right time.  They're a little weaker offensively and a little stronger defensively than Itches and Ohs, but the two teams have nearly identical records and point differentials, so of course they played to a one point finish this week with Zack Attack taking the W.  Zack plays Vaspian and their #18 QB in the League next week which will be a big litmus test to decide if they're real contenders this season. 

#26 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 28-22

Puckett All-Stars got the win over Today's Feast... but it looks like that probably won't be enough to make playoffs.  They need to beat GUCCI (possible) and the Falconies (harder, but possible) AND have Practice Squad lose to Titsburgh Feelers (very unlikely).  Might be time to start thinking about next season for TJ and company.

#27 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 40-6

Come From Behind has outscored Not So Sticky 76-12 over the past two weeks, and if the playoffs started today their first round opponent would be... Not So Sticky.  Sounds like a free ticket to the D5 semifinals to us.  As we noted in Nick Hawes' write-up above, Come From Behind has the second best point differential in the LEAGUE right now.  These guys are absolutely rolling. 

#28 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat Graves Bros 59-36, beat Lenny's Ladies 37-32

Last week we noted that Travis Henry's Kids were 4th in the TSL in scoring at 41.4 PPG.  After scoring 59 and 37 in a pair of wins on Saturday they now sit at SECOND in the League in scoring at 43.3 PPG.  Incredible.  They may not be the most complete team in the League (8th worst defense) but man, can John throw the ball.

#29 Kelly Kane - GUCCI - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 41-27

It might be too late to save their playoff chances but Kelly Kane is finding her stride after a slow start this season, scoring 41 in a big win against Practice Squad.  GUCCI is still mathematically alive (we think); they'll pass Puckett All-Stars by beating them this week AND having Puckett fall to Falconies, and then GUCCI can pass Practice Squad by virtue of the tiebreaker they hold IF Practice Squad loses to Titsburgh Feelers.  Yeah, that's asking a lot.  More likely than not, GUCCI will play their last game of the season this weekend.  They've been a fun team on the fields and at the bar (Kelly in particular is great if you haven't met her yet), so we hope they're back next session.

#30 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Lettuce Win 37-6, lost to Spinelli's Plumbing 40-30

The Coach is back in the TSL QB Power Rankings after missing much of the start of the season with his coaching conflicts.  Wasted Potential is obviously a better team when their QB and leader is present, and although we keep talking about D5 like it's a two team race between Spinelli's and Come From Behind, Wasted Potential ACTUALLY has the second best record in the division right now, so it would be foolish to count them out yet.

***

Overachievers and Underachievers

Everyone has expectations that their own team will be world beaters every session.  "We added Jim and Jen this season, we'll never lose!"  And yet, half the teams lose every week (we're ignoring ties, because we hate them) so half of you are always wrong with your delusional hopes of football glory.

But we don't care about YOUR expectations of your own teams, we care about everyone ELSE'S expectations of your teams.  Some teams are expected to be good, and they are.  No one is "shocked" that Public Enemy is 7-0 right now.  The teams below though either overachieved or underachieved this season in the eyes of the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee.  Congrats if you're on the overachievers list, condolences if you're on the underachievers list!

Top Ten Underachievers Who We Thought Would Do Better

10.  When Dove Cries - elderly Quarterback aside, this is one of the more talented rosters in the League.  Drew, Devin, Aaron, the Clarke twins, Kelly... you'd be hard pressed to find a better group of veterans.  These guys should be in that A&A, TopShot, Scared Hitless tier of D2.  Why are they sitting at .500?  

9.  XTC - these guys are some of the savviest veterans in the League.  Their QB is a living legend, Katie Keller is TOP notch, and they have the (sorry everyone, we're going to say it) UNDERRATED Joey Batts running routes out there as well.  They should have a winning record.  They don't.  That's underachieving right there folks.

8.  Losing Streak - it's not really fair to call Losing Streak "underachievers" in a sense.  They've played every other D1 team to within a one score game, so it's not like they're getting killed.  The fault is really with us, for having such high expectations of that roster.  The Godfather gave them the third highest odds to win D1 in his preseason review, which in hindsight was probably too much to ask for a team in their first season in D1.  They're good, but it was too early to expect THAT much of this roster this quickly.

7.  Practice Squad - we're told that injuries are what's killing Practice Squad this season as they're not the same killers we've been used to the past couple of seasons.  Whatever the reason, they were preseason favorites (along with Stunts, Buffalo Vice and Itches and Ohs) to win the division and now they'll be lucky to make the playoffs.  If it's just injuries, we assume they'll be back in the Spring at full strength and ready to contend again, but this has been an underachieving session for this great Squad.

6.  Graves Bros - two years ago Graves Bros were 7-1 and on the top of the D6 standings.  Today they sit at 2-5 and have the worst point differential in their division.  This was a team on the rise, and we imagined they'd be competing for the D5 title by now.  Why the regression?  They've got athletes, they should be doing better than this.

5.  Tight Ends in Motion - the most talented collection of athletes to play football in this League are 4-4 this session after going nearly undefeated in D1 last season and winning the whole League.  It's not their play that's underachieving so much as their health and their attendance.  We still think they're the team to beat when their full team is present, but we expected more from The Champs than .500 this season.

4.  Bullet Club - Bullet Club has been in D2 forever now.  Yes, they're obviously getting a little older (aren't we all) but we think they should be a hell of a lot better than 0-8.  Todd "bag of dicks" Halas and Zach Newberry alone should be good enough for one win right there.  These guys often surprise us by "showing up" in the playoffs and scoring an upset, and maybe that'll happen again this year, but where we stand right now Bullet Club look like big underachievers, and there's nothing "too sweet" about that.

3.  Frodo Swaggins - it's not their fault that their QB broke/separated/sprained his shoulder, but this was a team that we all expected would be pushing for a D3 title this session.  We wrote earlier this year that "Frodo Swaggins should be favored to win very game they play this season" and the Godfather agreed, giving them the highest odds to win their division.  They're still doing fine by the way: they've only lost two games and tied a third, and we're talking about them like they're yesterday's news.  But... they're in fifth place now, and without Garrett, we just don't believe they'll hit the lofty expectations we had for them in the offseason.  

2.  TMA - TMA is the best team in D6!  How dare we call them underachieving!  Well, we dare, because they've been in D6 forever without winning or moving up, and this was their chance to absolutely dominate the division with Spinelli's moving up and Tater Tots taking the session off... and they haven't.  They're winning games, but they're only +17 on the SEASON, which means they're in first place winning games by an average of only 2.4 PPG.  You had 3-1 odds to win this division in the preseason TMA... don't blow it!

1.  TOX - we hate to kick them when they're down, but let's finish with an 0-8 team.  Losing Topper and Tommy Hughes was always going to hurt this team so our expectations weren't very high to begin with, but we DID think they would win a game by now.  Last year there was only one winless team and that was "Juiced"... who folded and merged with TOX this season.  There are people on this team who have never won a game in the TSL yet, and man, that makes us sad.  We don't want to be sad.  Let's look at Overachievers instead!

Top Ten Overachievers We Didn't Believe In Who Are Proving Us Wrong

10.  Come From Behind - Even when you know an athlete is very good, it's hard NOT to underestimate them when they reach a certain age.  We continue to think Tom Brady is going to fall apart any minute because "that's just what athletes do" when they get to that age.  Like Brady and his obnoxious annual SuperBowl appearances, we continue to underestimate Come From Behind based on their average age, and wow, do we continue to be wrong.  These guys are having a GREAT season and playing as if they're all 25.  

9.  The Untouchaballs - We didn't think Untouchaballs would be GARBAGE this season, but when we thought about the D3 title picture we were imagining Frodo, Freeballers or Last Dance stepping in to fill the void that TopShot left when they moved up.  Preseason polls had them at 7th in their division with 12-1 odds of winning.  And we'll be honest, adding Burr as QB seemed like a step backwards at the time (if he can throw, how come he's never done it before?) but yeah... we were very wrong.  These guys are playing GOOD football, they're 5-2 and they're real contenders to win D3 now.  

8.  Eyes Downtown - No one who has won multiple D1 championships should ever be dismissed as a contender, and somehow we did that to Bobby F'n McConnell (that's his actual middle name).  In hindsight, terrible decision.  Eyes Downtown can't catch Public Enemy for the #1 seed, but they've all but locked up the #2 and a first round bye (our knowledge of tiebreakers isn't perfect so don't quote us on that).  In a division where it was supposed to be P.E. and T.E.I.M. and no one else, that's a pretty big achievement.

7.  Breast Friends - Clearly Travis can throw (or "scramble, scramble, scramble throw" would be a more accurate way to put it) but we didn't expect Breast Friends to be the fourth best offense in the League.  Come on, you didn't either.  D4 is one of the most competitive divisions this year with Buffalo Vice, Cunning Stunts and Vaspian making life a nightmare for opponents, but Breast Friends is hanging in there at 4-4 and they haven't lost a game this season by more than one score.  It's hard to establish new gender teams lately since most of the elite female athletes in the League are already committed to the Angels, Stunts, Ladies etc but Breast Friends has defied the odds in 2021.

6.  Victorious Secret - Speaking of gender teams overachieving, Victorious Secret went 2-7 last season with the worst point differential in D6, and this year they're 4-3 with a positive point differential (okay, it's -1 when we remove their forfeit win).  They seemed like afterthoughts in the division race last year, and now they're suddenly one lucky weekend away from a first round bye?  Jordan and his ladies are killing it this year, and the League is always better off when gender teams are having success.

5.  Grey Hair - Don't Care - Inconsistency is what has killed Grey Hair - Don't Care over the past couple of years.  They'd come out and have a dominant showing against a good team and we'd think they're ready to take that leap to championship contender... and then they'd score 8 points in a losing effort the next week.  We're not sure what the difference is this season, but 6-2 doesn't happen by accident (and we suspect Cobblestone will make that 7-2 this week).  The #1 seed in the D3 playoffs??? Eickhoff and team have exceeded our expectations this season.

4.  The Angels - Of course the Angels were always going to be competitive.  Of course they were.  Emily Curry.  The Pagano twins.  Val Bernal.  Casey Lawler.  Hell, the rich got richer when they added Robin "#1 female receiver in the TSL" Makula this offseason too!  But we did NOT expect a six game winning streak and a shot at the #1 seed going into the last game of the season.  Sorry if you're offended ladies: we knew you'd be good, but we didn't think you'd be THIS good.  What happens if they win D3?  Do the Angels move up and try D2?  We desperately want to find out.

3.  Slob Kabombs - The Godfather's preseason review gave Slob Kabombs 100-1 odds to win D1 this session.  A slight exaggeration maybe, but still, they were LONG shots, and we all agreed with our friend in Iowa.  Word on the street was that these guys were going to get killed against the top teams in the League, and guess what... they haven't.  Take away their forfeit losses (bad management, sure) and their first two losses of the season to Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion and what have they done since?  They've beaten Sticky Bandits by a point, beaten Losing Streak by ten points, and lost by a point to Eyes Downtown.  They're a competitive D1 team!  Oh, don't say you saw it coming.  You didn't.

2.  Scared Hitless - We were torn over the #1 overachieving team this session between two teams, and Scared Hitless was one of them.  Their first season in D2 went poorly with a 2-7 record and second last place in the standings.  We did note in this article several times that although their record wasn't great, it wasn't like they were losing games by a LOT, and they were very close to being competitive.  Maybe Melanie was all they needed to put them over the top?  Whatever the reason, they've already tripled their win total this season with a game to go, and surpassed all of our expectations in the process.

1.  Vaspian - These guys were 1-7 last season in D3, dead last in the standings.  They've moved down to D4 this session, lost one of the VERY best athletes in the TSL, and now they're 7-1 and in first place.  We hoped that they would be competitive in D4, but we were thinking .500 MAYBE.  Instead they're the team to beat and on the longest winning streak in team history.  Had they ever won THREE in a row before this current seven game streak?  Amazing.  Vaspian: you are the biggest overachievers in the TSL this season.  Congrats.

***

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you wanted defensive player rankings and we never delivered?  you THOUGHT you hated our graphs but now that you don't see any this week you realize you kinda sorta miss them?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 5 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 23 September 2021 16:22

Published: Thursday, 23 September 2021 16:22

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 106

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings... with a heavy emphasis on the "Quarterback" part. Maybe we SHOULD stick to ranking passers after all the feedback we got on our Male Receiver Rankings last week!  The common theme that emerged was "you ranked me as one of the best receivers in an entire League of talented athletes, but I STILL choose to be offended that I wasn't ranked higher".  We knew it was coming of course, but it still always surprises us that people choose to dwell on the negative instead of the positive.  It is no insult to say there are a handful of people who MIGHT be better than you at getting open and catching a football.  Oh, and your friends that you're complaining to about how you should be ranked higher? They're probably thinking THEY belong on the list ahead of you, so you're probably not getting as much sympathy from them as you think...

But that'll be the last receiver ranking for the year, male or female, so whatever your Power Ranking was (or lack of Ranking if you didn't make the list) you're stuck with it for the rest of 2021.  Sorry you weren't ranked #1.  Try playing better.

With that, we're back to the Quarterback Power Rankings, including Matty Ice's "NFL Comparison QBs" that he shared on the most recent TSL Podcast, for at least the top QBs (you should listen to the Podcast if you haven't already).  Then we'll share our first team offense/defense charts of the year below, now that we're far enough into the season that we feel the data is meaningful.

Enjoy!

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #2)

NFL QB Comparison:  Tom Brady

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 29-22, beat Eyes Downtown 47-14

Look who's back at #1 with a record setting third reign as TSL Top QB (and a record setting 19th overall week atop the chart).  People ask us all the time what our criteria is for judging QBs.  What division do you play in?  Cole is D1.  What's your win-loss record?  Cole is undefeated in a division where every other team has at least two losses.  How easy/difficult has your schedule been so far?  After this past week, Cole has played and beaten all the best teams in the League.  What's your offensive production?  Cole is not just the highest scoring QB in D1, he's the highest scoring QB in the TSL at 46.0 PPG.  Checks every box, zero debate.

#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

NFL QB Comparison:  Russell Wilson

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 29-22

Bro had only one loss last year.  He has only one loss this year.  The sky isn't exactly falling for Tight Ends in Motion, and they're still "the Champs" until they lose a playoff game.  But at this time last season their stats were just incredible as they were leading the League in just about every category.  This season they're +14 after five games.  That's not bad of course (they're one of only two teams with a positive point differential in D1) but it's not the domination we've seen from them before.  They used to be the hungry challenger trying to prove to the world that they were better than Public Enemy... and now it looks like the roles might be reversed.

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

NFL QB Comparison:  Philip Rivers

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 36-17, lost to Public Enemy 47-14

Eyes Downtown are exactly where we thought they'd be at this point in the season, a step above the bottom teams in D1 but a step below the top two teams.  They win the games they're supposed to but they're also losing the games they're supposed to, and last week it wasn't particularly close: Public Enemy stomped them by 33 points, which has to be a little discouraging for Bobby if he's planning to get past these guys in the playoffs.  We're not ready to count him out yet though... there's still a decent chance that Eyes Downtown are playing in the D1 finals this session.

#4 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

NFL QB Comparison:  Aaron Rodgers

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 49-34 (A&A), beat Super Freaks 45-16 (The Angels)

The self-proclaimed Aaron Rodgers of the League had a pair of 45+ point games last week as he moves up to the 4th spot in the Power Rankings.  A&A is the last remaining undefeated team in D2 and they're a two point conversion away from tying Passed Our Prime for the highest scoring offense in the division as well.  Meanwhile the Angels have won three in a row in D3 since starting the season 0-2, with their latest W coming by nearly 30 points against some of the best pure athletes in the League.  We're not sure who would lead the TSL Most Hilarious QB Rankings, but it's some combination of Matty, Scotty, Garrett, Cole and Bro at the top, right?

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #4)

NFL QB Comparison:  Matt Ryan

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 43-42, lost to Slob Kabombs 48-38 (Losing Streak), lost to Travis Henry's Kids 38-32 (Victorious Secret)

Tough week for Jordan Lawson as Losing Streak and Victorious Secret combined for three one-score losses.  Losing Streak is now 1-4 in D1 with their sole win coming against a backup QB, but we still have Jordan ranked above the next two QBs who have both beaten him head to head.  No, that's not a mistake (although we DID furiously debate the order of the #4 through #7 spots this week) as Jordan still has the second highest PPG in D1 and the fifth highest PPG in the entire TSL.  It's the Losing Streak defense that seems to be letting them down as they are dead last in D1 and third last in the TSL on that side of the ball.  Wouldn't you think a team with Chris and Ralph would be dominant defensively?

#6 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #11)

NFL QB Comparison:  Josh Allen

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 48-38 (Slob Kabombs), beat Today's Feast 41-14 (Buffalo Vice)

Hard to imagine Seth started the season outside of our Top Ten, but just watch the guy play.  He's making phenomenal throws while scrambling at full speed, and he's got Slob Kabombs at 2-2 in their inaugural D1 season (okay, 2-3 if we count their forfeit loss, which we should).  We are very confident that there is no better athlete playing the QB position in the TSL right now than this guy.  Buffalo Vice also had a 40 point showing this week as they remained unbeaten on the season.  We don't KNOW this, but our guess is that Seth won't be allowed to QB a D4 team next session once the League learns how effective he is.

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

NFL QB Comparison:  Dak Prescott

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 43-42, lost to Eyes Downtown 36-17

Sticky Nation picked up their first win of the season on Saturday with a thrilling walk off extra-point over Losing Streak, but only got to enjoy the feeling for a couple hours until they were soundly beaten by Eyes Downtown.  What an unforgiving division.  Mike actually dropped in the Power Rankings this week which doesn't feel right, but Seth has the better record, the head-to-head win, AND a better points per game, so Mike becomes a victim of Slob Kabomb's success.  That 43 point offensive explosion should give the Sticky Bandits some confidence going forward though... and they're going to need that kind of production to beat Public Enemy this week.

#8 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #7)

NFL QB Comparison:  Baker Mayfield

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 33-32, beat Passed Our Prime 37-30

What more can we say about TopShot this week?  They've been as good as Blase said they would be this season (although to be fair, he says his teams are going to be invincible every season) as they run their record to 5-1.  Dylan's only loss this session came by four points against A&A, a game that easily could have gone the other way.  Don't take that as a sign that TopShot can't win close games though, as they've beaten Scared Hitless by 1, XTC by 3, and Passed Our Prime by 7.  Barring a complete collapse in the postseason (like, you know, last season) this team should already be thinking Finals.

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #8)

NFL QB Comparison:  Joe Burrow

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 49-34, lost to TopShot 33-32

From undefeated to 4-2, it was not a great day for Scared Hitless.  Whatever.  One bad day won't define their season.  And it wasn't even THAT bad, as they scored 32 and 34 points in their games, hardly an indictment on Dylan's Quarterback play.  Giving up 49 points is a little surprising given all the talent on this team, but if there's one team that can match Scared Hitless for female athleticism in D2, it's probably A&A.  Dylan drops one spot in the Rankings to 9th place (not bad for the "Joe Burrow" of the TSL).

#10 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #9)

NFL QB Comparison:  Ben Roethlisberger

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 29-28

Notorious BNB picked up their second win of the season this week over winless Bullet Club.  They still seem a step below the four teams with winning records in D2, but is the gap really that big between Team Buchlis and the top contenders in their division?  When their whole team is present and focused (ie letting Alex QB instead of his brother) they're as dangerous and capable as anybody.  This is the team you DON'T want to draw in the first round of the playoffs, because they've got the talent and the experience to pull off an upset.

#11 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #12)

NFL QB Comparison:  Drew Brees

Last Week:  Beat XTC 37-22

Patrick "Commissioner Topper DrewBrees" McGovern gets another win this week over XTC and is on the verge of cracking our Quarterback Rankings Top Ten for the thirteenth time in our five seasons of Ranking.  If he does, he will become one of only three QBs to make the Top Ten at least once in all five seasons.  Cole, McConnell, McGovern... what elite company.  Of course, he'll probably have to get past TopShot next week if he wants to move up a spot, and that's a tall task this season.  We think it'll be a close game at least, but we're not sure we'd bet on Topper...

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #10)

NFL QB Comparison:  Matt Stafford

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 37-30

Hogan's first failure to score 38+ points in a game this season led to a 37-30 loss to TopShot this week.  No word on whether or not they were missing people or whether it was a rare off game by the League's most ridiculous gunslinger.  Passed Our Prime is 4th in the TSL in offensive points per game, and 5th last in the TSL in defensive points per game allowed (which sounds really shitty until you realize what an improvement it is over last year's effort).  Can these guys just play Losing Streak every week so we can forget about defense for a while and enjoy some fireworks?

#13 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #14)

NFL QB Comparison:  Sam Darnold

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 31-22

Frodo Swaggins is 26th in the TSL in offense and 28th in defense.  They're a very balanced team right now having allowed 4 more points than they've given up, but we have to think they wanted better than "balanced" to start the season, given how good they played at times over the Spring session.  The schedule should get a little easier for the next few weeks as Frodo has only played teams with winning records so far this season (and gone 2-1-1 against them).  Eventually they'll pad their numbers with some games against cellar dwellers and start to look more like the Frodo Swaggins we expected.

#14 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to When Dove Cries 37-22

We're not sure what's a more hurtful: dropping a spot in the Power Rankings by losing to Topper, or becoming the first QB on our Power Rankings without an NFL Comparison from Matty Ice.  If WE had to choose one for Dubey it would be Eli Manning: former world champion, top ten all time in every meaningful stat in the TSL, doesn't get the proper respect from current QBs for all he's accomplished... and yet he's losing more games than he's winning at this stage in his career.  If he were 2-0 against Cole in Finals games that would really seal the comparison, but sadly our data doesn't go back that far.

#15 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for the Untouchaballs this week.  Burr moves up because Scotty went 0-2.

#16 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #15)

NFL QB Comparison:  Jameis Winston

Last Week:  Lost to Notorious BNB 29-28 (Bullet Club), lost to Show Me Dem TDs 49-40 (4th & Dong)

Last week we mentioned that Scotty was winless in D2 but undefeated in D3.  Sadly only one of those things is still true.  4th & Dong took their first loss of the season to an otherwise struggling Show Me Dem TDs.  Hmmm not sure how that went down.  And Bullet Club lost when Scotty slipped and fell in the mud at a pivotal time in an otherwise good game.  Not his best week, but Scotty Ballgame will rise again.  We still desperately want a Garrett vs Scotty grudge match in the D3 finals.  Is that too much to ask for???

#17 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #17)

NFL QB Comparison:  Cam Newton

Last Week:  Lost to Zack Attack 43-16

Cunning Stunts lost their first game of the season this week when they ran into the buzz saw that is the Zack Attack defense.  It happens to the best of us honestly; we've been writing about how good the Zack Attack defense is for a long time.  The Stunts are now 4-1 and they have the fourth best point differential in the entire TSL.  They're going to be fine.  There are five 4-Win teams in D4 right now, and in our opinion Cunning Stunts is maybe the second best of the bunch behind Buffalo Vice (who they have yet to play).  

#18 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 31-22

Eickhoff just doesn't seem to do very well against Frodo Swaggins for whatever reason, and yet he owns The Angels, who in turn seem to beat Frodo Swaggins.  It's a weird little Rock Paper Scissors game there... odd how some teams just match up well against others.  Eickhoff stays in the 18th spot this week as Grey Hair - Don't Care falls to 3-2, one of SEVEN teams in D3 with a winning record, and he can move even higher next week if he beats Scotty Dro and his division-leading 4th & Dong.

#19 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 44-39

Breast Friends have lost three games so far this season despite a point differential better than two of the 4-1 teams in their own division.  What does this mean?  They're PROBABLY due to rebound and win more games in future weeks.  The problem with gender teams is that even moreso than co-ed teams attendance can be a mixed bag as their players have conflicts with their "other" teams, so some weeks they just don't have the personnel they're used to.  We're not sure if that's the case here, just speculating.  Hey, what's the NFL comparison of a QB that scrambles around for 30 seconds every play?  Is Travis a dog-friendly Michael Vick?

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game this week for TSL living legend Darryl Carr.

#21 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Puckett All-Stars 38-23

Itches and Ohs are 4-1-1 despite having the 7th best point differential in D4.  Oh, their offense is doing great, third best in the Division behind Breast Friends and Buffalo Vice (which it really should be, with the all-world Moser sisters and very underrated Jeremy Streit catching passes), but their defense holds them back from being a more complete team.  They have the talent to make some noise in the playoffs, but will they stay focused enough to win three games when it counts the most?  

#22 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 24-15, beat Breast Friends 44-39

Vaspian remains undefeated when Brian O plays this season, which is KIND of an awesome story considering the struggles this team had the past couple seasons.  Moving down to D4 was the absolute right move for these guys and they're fitting in great (better than their competition would like, really).  Throw out their 30-8 loss without their starting QB the first week of the season and Vaspian's numbers look even better.  Are they good enough to win a stacked D4 this year?  Mmmmm we kind of don't think so.  Stunts and Vice are still the teams to beat, but Vaspian is showing strong improvement, so who knows?

#23 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Beat GUCCI 27-17

Each season follows the same formula: 1) Forget about Joe Miano 2) Check standings at mid-season 3) Marvel at how well Joe Miano is doing.  Of course it's not just Joe as the Falconies are second in D4 in defense right now, but with all their parts clicking this team is really capable of making a deep postseason run.  People aren't discussing them as contenders yet, but they're 4-1 and have the third best average point differential in the division.  With Joe's veteran experience, that should be enough to label them as real threats for the D4 title.

#24 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 24-15

Practice Squad is apparently going off the rails with injuries right now which is sad to see.  B and his squad have been such consistent winners over the past few seasons it's odd to look at the standings and see 2-4 next to their name.  You hate to write a team off and say "this just isn't your year" with three weeks left in the regular season (especially such a well respected team like Practice Squad) but it just isn't feeling like their year.  But hey, we said that about All We Do is Quinn last session, so clearly we're idiots!

#25 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 43-16

What a thorough annihilation of one of the best teams in D4.  Zack Attack is only 3-3 but as far as we're concerned that win over Cunning Stunts immediately puts them in the conversation as a force to be reckoned with in their division.  Yes, it's the same story as last season (Zack Attack's defense is stronger than its offense) but the discrepancy isn't as strong as it used to be.  Can they win D4 just one session after winning D5?  No one has won consecutive divisions since... well okay, that just happened last year with Sticky Bandits, but it's still impressive if they can pull it off.

***

No Receiver Rankings for y'all to hate on this week, so we're just going to leave you with these charts of the best (and worst) offenses and defenses in the league:

What tiny and nauseatingly colorful graphs!  Here's a cleaner chart with the Top Ten Best/Worst Offenses and Defenses if graphs aren't your thing:

***

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want more info on this League worst Titsburgh Feelers team?  you wanted to know who Josh Rosen's TSL equivalent is?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 6 Power Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 30 September 2021 17:46

Published: Thursday, 30 September 2021 17:46

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 97

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

Last week had it all.  You like explosive shootouts?  Six teams cracked 50 points, and three of them broke the 60 point mark this week.  Maybe dominant defense is more your thing?  Six teams were held to a single score, one of which was completely shut-out.  It was a hell of a week for good football... this is why we play the game.

The TSL QB Power Rankings Committee has the following for you this week:

• QB Power Rankings - we're up to a season high 30 QBs in our Rankings this week, so there's a DECENT chance your team is mentioned below!
• NFL Receiver Comparisons - last week we included Matty Ice's NFL comparisons for all the top QBs in the League; this week he looked at the TSL Male Receiver Rankings and added his NFL comparisons for some of those big names as well.  They're awesome, so we're publishing them.
• Division Analysis - we're looking at every division and sorting "Favorites, Contenders and Pretenders" by point differential.  Your team IS included on the graphs below, so take a look and see how you stack up against the rest of your division (and what that means for your playoff chances)

Enjoy!

Amazingly we have NO movement in the Top Twelve this week as the top guys either won, didn't play, or lost to great teams that really shouldn't hurt their Rankings (we don't change things just for the sake of changing things).  There is a lot of movement on the rest of the Rankings though, so let's get to it:

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 44-35

Everything we said last week is still true: Chris Cole and Public Enemy are still undefeated and still have the best offense (45.6 PPG) in the TSL.  Remember when they were randomly just sort of mediocre on offense last season?  Yeah, seems like a lifetime ago.  Their biggest potential threat to reclaiming the D1 title this season is that their main rivals (Tight Ends in Motion and Eyes Downtown) have both allowed fewer points per game defensively.  If P.E. goes down in the playoffs, it'll be in a shootout gone wrong.

#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 33-18

There are fifty teams in the League and Tight Ends in Motion is 26th in scoring.  They are a "below average" offense, and they have the #2 ranked QB in the League!  You can hate it all you want, but they're here because they keep winning - the only QB that's beaten Bro this year is the one that's ranked directly above him, and Tight Ends are on track to secure a first round bye in the playoffs for the second year in a row.  Still, at this time last year we were publishing graphs that showed them winning by an average of 23.5 PPG, and this season that's down to 4.8 PPG.  Cause for concern?

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 63-6

Sixty three to six.  Holy shit.

#4 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 40-30 (A&A)

A win's a win and A&A stays undefeated, but maybe our expectations of Matty are too high that this week seems like a failure.  No Angels games and a 10 point victory against a team still searching for its first win?  Where's the headline here?  Maybe Scotty was fired up after Matty compared him to Jameis Winston and that made the game closer than it could have been.  Ah well.  If not for winning a bunch of games in a day, Matty can still make headlines this week for his TSL vs NFL Receivers Comparison that we'll show below.  He's already pissed off half the QBs in the League, might as well piss off the receivers too!

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 63-6 (Losing Streak), beat Blitzkrieg twice 35-34 and 36-18 (Victorious Secret)

We won't dwell on the obvious disaster that was Losing Streak falling to Eyes Downtown by 57 points.  The two teams played to a 6 point E.D. win earlier this season, so the gap between these squads isn't as big as it appeared on Saturday.  But hey, Victorious Secret picked up a couple wins!  Looks like they were both against Blitzkrieg, which is always annoying when you have to play a team twice in one day but happens occasionally in smaller divisions.  The Victorious ladies are tied for the second best record in D6 right now so a championship doesn't appear out of reach for ONE of Jordan's teams.  

#6 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Slob Kabombs, no Seth for Buffalo Vice this week (they went 1-1 in his absence).

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 44-35, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 33-18

Another brutal doubleheader for Mike against the top two teams in the League and two more losses for Sticky Nation.  It's amazing how these guys seem to be in every game, just to have their hearts broken in the end.  If games were only 25 minutes long they might be like 4-2 right now instead of 1-5.  If anyone has proven they can adjust and find that extra gear for playoffs it's the Sticky Bandits so an upset isn't out of the question... but three playoff upsets in a row to claim a D1 title?  Betting odds will not be very high for that.

#8 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Dylan this week.  His team won by one score with a sub QB.

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Dylan this week.  His team won by one score with a sub QB (okay, we just wanted to copy and paste that for two QBs in a row).

#10 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 37-22

There's no shame in losing to a Joey Batts led XTC, but losing star receiver Garrett Beesing to injury is not something Notorious BNB can afford right now.  With TopShot coming up in this week's ladder match and Notorious BNB potentially without one of the best receivers in the League, Buchlis and team are going to have a hard time establishing momentum before the playoffs.

#11 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 39-34

When Dove Cries is clearly a very good team... but they're also clearly the fourth best team in their division, having lost close games now to A&A, Scared Hitless and TopShot.  The glass half full here is that they're one score away from beating every team in their division.  The glass half empty is that if Topper can't find a way to get it done now, what hope does he have in the playoffs?  That arm's not getting any younger.

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 38-30

Passed Our Prime is 2-5 after forfeiting a game and losing another to Scared Hitless this week.  They're also only -3 in point differential on the season (excluding that forfeit) and they haven't lost a game by more than 8.  Topper and Hogan are possibly complete opposites in terms of arm strength, but When Dove Cries and Passed Our Prime are both in the same boat right now: good enough to beat anyone in their division, wouldn't want to play them in the first round, mayyyybe not consistent enough to threaten for a D2 championship.

#13 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat 4th & Dong 29-22

Did anyone have the Jeremy Burr led Untouchaballs as 4-2 in Division 3 in their preseason predictions?  If so, good call.  Grey Hair - Don't Care have the most wins and Freeballers have the best win percentage, but Untouchaballs are right there with the leaders in D3 right now.  Burr is, by all accounts, playing really well in his first season at QB.  It probably helps having phenomenal female talent to throw to, but he's really taken to the position.  Can we consider him a Bobby McConnell protege?

#14 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Bad news with Garrett injuring his shoulder this week while playing receiver on his D2 team.  We're leaving him in our Power Rankings for now until we see if it's anything serious that causes him to miss time, but if he's done for the year that's probably the end of Frodo Swaggins playoff hopes.

#15 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 61-52

Crazy that Joey scored 61 points and it was only the third best point total of the week.  We DID say that the Stunts would rebound from that Zack Attack loss didn't we?  Cunning Stunts are now one of three 1-loss teams in D4, and Joey also QBed for D2 XTC this week in their win against Notorious BNB.  We took him out of our Top Ten at the beginning of this season when he stopped being a full-time QB in D1/D2/D3, but Joey will not be denied.  Is this the highest a full time D4 QB has ever been ranked?  We'd look into it, but that sounds exhausting.

#16 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 62-26

Not to be outdone by Joey Batts and his 61 points, Travis goes out and scores 62 in a huge win against Today's Feast.  Breast Friends are now the 2nd best offense in the League at 43.3 PPG, and they'd be #1 if we didn't remove Public Enemy's 21-0 forfeit win from our stats (but we never count forfeits).  They're only 3-3 so they're definitely getting overlooked a bit when it comes to D4 contenders, but the point differentials say they're as good as just about anyone.  Someone should show this in a graph... (spoiler alert: someone did! See graphs below) 

#17 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Another day another XTC game without Dubey.  His performances have been solid, his attendance, not as much.

#18 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Last Dance 27-26, beat 4th & Dong 27-24

Grey Hair - Don't Care are only 8th in their division in scoring, but somehow they lead D3 in wins.  Defense, luck, Molly Morgan, winning close games, whatever it is, their season has been an undeniable success so far.  We weren't sure they had much of a chance of winning D3 a few weeks ago.  Now we don't know... particularly if their kryptonite Frodo Swaggins is down a starting QB.  Eickhoff has been in the thick of the D3 race for a while now - maybe's it's just his time to win it.

#19 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 40-30 (Bullet Club), lost to Untouchaballs 27-22, lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 27-24 (4th & Dong)

4th & Dong were undefeated world beaters just a couple weeks ago and now they're tied for sixth place?  What in the name of Scotty Ballgame is happening here?  It's been a rough couple of weeks for Mr Dro.  Perhaps seeing his hero/mentor Garrett Beesing go down with injury this week just sapped Scotty's will to win.  Whatever the reason, 4th & Dong will look to bounce back against Freeballers this week, and Bullet Club will... well, they'll play A&A for the second week in a row and hope for a better outcome.

#20 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 40-6, beat Falconies 14-9

The undefeated Brian O continues to lift Vaspian from D3 afterthought to D4 juggernaught.  We hate to do the whole "Vaspian's stats would look even better if we throw out the game Brian didn't play" thing (since we have no idea which QBs have showed up for which games for other teams) but yeah, Vaspian would be undefeated and the best point differential in their Division if we tossed out their first game that Brian missed.  These guys were contenders a couple weeks ago.  Now they're favorites.

#21 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 54-35

Doesn't it feel like forever since Cobblestone last played a game?  We missed them.  Freeballers is rolling right now (we don't rank their QBs because it's seemingly someone different every week) but Cobblestone is sitting right at .500 too after moving up a division.  Great hair can't be stopped apparently.  We don't think we'll see a Cinderella run to the D3 championship from Cobblestone this season, but we can dream.

#22 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 61-52

Itches and Ohs couldn't keep up with Joey Batts this week, but there's no shame in losing 61-52 to Cunning Stunts, they're some of the most talented women (and a TSL Villain of the Year) in the League.  At least, there's no shame for Steve's QBing... the Itches and Ohs defense is now 6th worst in the League, so they should probably work on that.

#23 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat Zack Attack 38-25

Just when it looked like Practice Squad would never win another game (okay that's an exaggeration) B and team came through with a big W over Zack Attack.  Practice Squad might not make a deep playoff run (they might not MAKE the playoffs, as they're currently tied for 7th in a division of 12 teams) but they're not going down easy.  All they need is B to deliver one of those Tim Tebow "we got thirty minutes for the rest of our lives" speeches to fire up the troops and then they'll be unstoppable.

#24 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 14-9

Only nine points from Joey Football?  Yikes.  We know Vaspian is (suddenly) good and all but something about this squad hasn't exactly "clicked" so far this season.  They've scored 30 points only once since opening day, and that was in a losing effort to Titsburgh Feelers (Titsburgh's ONLY win of the season).  They have one of best QBs in the division, so what's happening here?  Does anyone have any insight?

#25 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 36-16

Okay Nick, we see you.  Spinelli's is third in the LEAGUE in scoring right now at 41.4 PPG.  They don't get a lot of love from our rankings because they're playing in D5 (Nick is the highest rated D5 QB in case you're wondering) but they're the real deal and they play like pros (well not PRO pros, but like, a bar league football team that's been doing this for a while).  They were the best team in D6 last session.  They're the best team in D5 this session.  Barring a collapse, we expect they'll be at least CONTENDERS in D4 next session.

#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Lost to Practice Squad 38-25

Zack Attack loses to Practice Squad and Zack Elphick drops one spot in our Power Rankings this week.  Maybe this was a trap game for them after crushing undefeated Cunning Stunts last week?  Whatever the reason, "the Attack" (no one calls them that) is now 3-4 and clinging to that final D4 playoff spot.  We think they'll make it.  Hey, if they get the 8th seed and Stunts earn the #1, that's got all the makings of a first round upset right?

#27 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat Titsburgh Feelers 42-12

Puckett All-Stars!  Remember how good these guys were last season?  Topper insisted they were the team to beat in D5, and then, well, they didn't win.  But apparently they picked up some All We Do is Quinn people, moved up to D4 anyway, and results have been... underwhelming.  Their only two wins so far are against Vaspian's backup QB and the Mike Boccio edition Titsburgh Feelers, so they haven't beaten a "real" QB yet.  Which is crazy, because they're REALLY a pretty good team (They do have a positive point differential, despite their record).

#28 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 36-6, beat Woodpeckers 38-26

Paul "the Rocket Launcher" Lovullo (if his arm has a nickname already, someone from Come From Behind please email us and let us know) has pushed his team into third place in D5 and probably bruised ALL of his receivers hands along the way.  CFB is second in their division in offense AND defense AND total point differential. Spinelli's and Come From Behind are destined to meet in the D5 finals right?  It's sad that upsets nearly always rob us of the Finals we want to watch the most.

#29 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #32)

Last Week:  Lenny's Ladies 52-35

Travis Henry's Kids are 4th in the TSL in scoring (41.4 PPG) and John is the highest ranked exclusive QB in D6, surprising exactly no one in that division.  These guys are really good!  Why don't they have a better recor... oh, it's their 4th LAST in the League defense that's holding them back.  It always amazes us when we run into teams like Passed Our Prime or Losing Streak or Travis Henry's Kids.  If you've got great enough athletes to score, shouldn't they be great enough to play both sides?  

#30 Kelly Kane - GUCCI - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 40-16

With respect to Sam "Icebox" Lattuca, Kelly Kane becomes our first full-time female QB in the history of our Power Rankings this week.  GUCCI hasn't lit the world on fire in D4 this session, but remember the pass rush is faster in this League than where GUCCI came from, and it always takes some time to adjust to receivers having less time to run their routes.  D5 might have been an easier starting point for this team (D4 is brutally competitive this season even moreso than last) but Kelly is a great athlete and GUCCI will be fine.  

***

NFL Receiver Comparisons

Full disclosure: The following was not written by the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee, it was submitted by Matty Ice in response to our Male Receiver Rankings a couple weeks ago.  For those who didn't listen to it (and shame on you for that) Matty spoke on the TSL podcast recently about our QB rankings and compared some of the top guys to their NFL equivalents.  This week he submitted the same about our top male receivers, so we're going to publish his thoughts (verbatim) below:

• Kevin Zack=Cole Beasely - Kevin is timeless. Kevin specializes in YAC. He is the last guy you want to see in front of you in the open field if you are on defense. The guy has more moves than a can of worms. He isn’t a deep streak down the field guy but, he can take a two yard check down to the house with ease.

• Garrett Beesing= Cooper Kupp - Cooper and Garrett are both great route runners. Garrett always seems to make himself available at the clutch moments. There may not be a better deep out route runner in the league. Garrett has the self-proclaimed best hands in the league and he isn’t far off.

• Todd Halas=Darren Waller - Here we go the guy no one hears from but continues to make plays each and every game. Todd is big strong and has hands like glue. When his QB is in need of a big play all he needs to do is throw it Todd’s direction and give him a shot. This is Carr’s strategy, this is Dro’s strategy. Easy match here. 

• Pauly J=Michael Thomas - Yes, both of these guys still play, yes both are still very very good. Michael Thomas wasn’t made by Drew Brees and Pauly wasn’t made by Cole. Pauly has been in the league as long as anyone and from his first game until now he is still a threat. Paul isn’t the speedster he used to be but man this guy still gets open.

• Dave Baker=Larry Fitzgerlad - Daddy Dave is probably the only person 10 years older then his NFL comparison, but don’t let that fool you. This guy is an animal. Dave like Larry, is never afraid to put his body on the line or do what needs to be done to win. Most importantly every one agrees Larry is a pros pro, and everyone in the TSL can agree Daddy Dave is a guy you want on your team!

• Ralph Finney= Stephon Diggs - Can you DIGGS it? Ralph sure can. This guy can flat out play. Doesn’t matter what team or who is throwing him the ball. Diggs isn’t the 6 foot 5 or a 4.2 speed guy but he plays bigger and faster than he looks, Ralph does the same. Ralph like Diggs can take the top off and run the drag routes turning them into big gains. 

• Keyon Elias=Jarvis Landry - Landry has led the NFL in catches in the past and has the most receptions by a player through six seasons. He is strong, he has speed, he is physical, and he can make the highlight reel catches. This to me screams Keyon. This guy is a QB’s dream, he bumps defenders off him to create space and if the space isn’t there, he is a great 50/50 guy. 

• Drew Colosimo=Justin Jefferson - First off Drew CANNOT dance like Jefferson but there play style is similar. Jefferson is a play maker and so is Drew. Kirk and Topper both love to have the option to throw it far down the middle of the field and let their guys go get it. They both find the end zone a lot and there QB’s number one option. 

• Sean Weisensal=D Hopkins - Alright, this guy right here is “Mr. Go Up & Get It”. We as Bills fans all remember the catch D Hop made on the Hail Murray. Sean made on of these to end the half this week, I was lucky enough to see it and to be honest it was DOPE. He makes the routine catches, he makes the low catches, and he high points the ball better then anyone in the league. Left hand, right hand, two hands if the ball is in his catch radius, he is more then likely to bring it in. 

• Derek B= Julio Jones - This is an easy comparison for me. Both these are both big, strong, fast, and love catching the deep ball. There quarterbacks love using them to take the top off the defense and just air it out down the field. When the ball is in the air Derek has a knack of tracking it extremely well and reeling it in. 

• Chris Nelson=Davante Adams - You want excitement? You want the total package? Well, here it is. Chris is one of those guys that doesn’t look like he is running hard but is blowing by you at the same time. The game looks easy to this kid. He knows where to be, when to be there and he can make every single catch in the book. There is not a route Chris can’t run comfortably and when the game is on the line that’s where the ball is going. The offense knows it, the defense knows it and you still cant stop it. 

• Mike Boccio= Julian Edelman - Easy pick here. First off, they both think they can play quarterback at the highest level. They are just hoping there coach gives them a chance to throw it on a reverse or something but it rarely happens. Stay in your lane kids. Second, most fans think both of them are cheaters which is fair. They are both super intense and will push off until the refs call it. Now that the obvious is over, time for a more serious take on this comp. They both can run all the routes; they both are physical and play with a passion. When Brady needed a big completion to move the sticks, he went to Edelman, Cole does the same. They both have made insane catches in the biggest game. Last but kind of least, both wil be hall of famers against most peoples liking. 

***

Division Analysis

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  The most efficient way to look at the WHOLE picture of team performance (strength of schedule and attendance quirks aside) is average point differential per game.  In other words, by how many points are you winning (or losing) games by on average?

Using this data, we're going to assign each team into one of the following categories:

1. Favorites - there can be more than one "favorite" in a division, but these are teams that no one would really be surprised if they won their division championship.  So Tight Ends in Motion for example might not be THE favorite to win D1, but they are certainly ONE of the favorites.
2. Contenders - these are teams that have the potential to surprise the TSL Universe and win some playoff games... but it's hard to imagine them actually winning three in a row to take home a championship
3. Pretenders - these are teams that we would be shocked to see win the championship, much less make it to a championship game.

What's interesting is that when we've done this in years past, we've noticed that there's sort of a natural cut-off in the graphs, and that teams with 6.0+ average point differentials tend to be favorites, and teams with -6.0 or less average point differentials tend to fall into the pretenders category.  We don't ALWAYS find that to be the case, but generally speaking the rule of thumb kind of works, so that's how we're going to label them on our graphs below (with our own biased commentary on whether we agree or disagree with the classifications for each division).  

Green is "favorite", yellow is "contender", and red is "pretender".  And if you're wondering if these classifications are at ALL accurate for predicting playoff success, let's look at last seasons Champs:

• D1 - Tight Ends in Motion: Favorite (in fact they were our #1 choice for D1 based on their point differentials)
• D2 - Losing Streak: Favorite (#1 point differential)
• D3 - All We Do is Quinn: Contender (and they were actually SIXTH in their division in point differential... the math got this one wrong!)
• D4 - Freeballers: Favorite (ranked #3 in their division in our math, but STILL a favorite with a +8.1 average point differential)
• D5 - Zack Attack: Contender (ranked #3 in their division in point differential, just below the 6.0 PPG cut-off)
• D6 - Spinelli's Plumbing: Favorite (#1 point differential)

So point differentials aren't a perfect indicator of post-season success of course, but four out of six divisions were won by favorites, two of out of six by contenders, and NONE of the pretenders went on to win a title.

Enjoy!

Tight Ends in Motion is a Contender and not a Favorite?  No argument with the classification of most of these, but we think there's a good portion of the TSL that would view TEIM as being a step ahead of Eyes Downtown in the D1 race.  The numbers say otherwise (although they may be slightly biased by the 63-6 beatdown Eyes Downtown just put on Losing Streak).

TopShot isn't a favorite but When Dove Cries is?  That's the only minor surprise here.  The graph shows a huge drop-off after the Top Four, and we tend to agree - barring an upset, those will be the teams in the D2 Semi-Finals this season.

We're surprised to see the Angels as high as they are, but maybe we shouldn't be (when they win, they tend to win big).  Grey Hair - Don't Care is on top of the standings, but they're only a middle of the pack contender according to the numbers.  And Last Dance are 2-4 and they're the second best point differential per game in the Division??  D3 is really hard to get a handle on.

The biggest visual standout of course is Titsburgh Feelers setting records for futility (they lost by 30 under Boccio, so apparently he's only made them worse...) but otherwise we actually agree with the favorites.  Stunts, Vice, Breast Friends and Vaspian are the top teams (though we may argue about the exact order) and then there's a bit of a drop-off between them and the next set of teams.

Spinelli's and Come From Behind deserve to be favorites, sure.  Wasted Potential and 716 seem like they're not THAT far back, but the math says the gap is bigger than we would have thought.  TOX is pushing Titsburgh Feelers for worst point differential in the League.  Bold prediction: they don't win D5.

The most interesting thing about this graph is the scale on the lefthand side.  Look how tight it is!  The best team is +6.2, the worst team is only -4.1.  There are no pretenders in D6, just a tight division where anyone in theory could win (but TMA probably will).

***

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  Matty lost credibility when he compared himself to Aaron Rodgers and you want no more of his shenanigans?  graphs remind you of high school math class and you hate us for reminding you of that?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 4 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 16 September 2021 21:08

Published: Thursday, 16 September 2021 21:08

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 119

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Although these days, it seems like we're "power ranking" just about everything.

Remember how much you loved our Female Receiver Rankings a couple weeks ago, and how you all agreed that list was perfect exactly as is?  Well you are in LUCK this week, as we're finally doing the long-teased-but-never-delivered Male Receiver Power Rankings.  Did you make the list??? (Spoiler alert: probably not)

But first, as always, your Week Four TSL Quarterback Power Rankings:

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 30-28

Tight Ends in Motion remain undefeated with their star QB present, as they narrowly escaped a potential loss to Eyes Downtown by 2 points this week.  Eyes Downtown was actually the last team to beat Bro, wayyyy back on May 15th last session, the only loss TEIM took that season.  These guys are pretty good at football.  When do they play Public Enemy again?  THIS SATURDAY, you say?  Should be a good one - Bro's #1 Ranking probably depends on it.

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 55-48

Last week we wrote "Public Enemy leads the TSL in points per game after three weeks, still riding the coattails of their dominant 53-point week one performance."  Well, they played their second game of the season against Losing Streak this week and somehow INCREASED their points per game to a League-leading 54.0 PPG... without the help of Osika, Paulie J or Jake Maryniewski.  It's almost like Cole is extra motivated to win this session for some reason...

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 30-28

Eyes Downtown were just a few points away from beating the defending Champs this week... it doesn't feel fair to knock Bobby down a spot in the Rankings this week, but Cole is scoring a billion points a week and he's still undefeated, so what choice did we have?  Every session we're hearing about how Eyes Downtown is remaking their roster and cycling through new people (that's the narrative anyway) but does it matter when they have Bobby?  They'll be contenders in every game, every time.

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 55-48 (Losing Streak), lost to TMA 48-28 (Victorious Secret)

No, Jordan is not dropping in the rankings for losing to Public Enemy.  Stop it.  He scored 48 points, which is still pretty great even considering all the defensive talent P.E. was missing (Cole is never going to make our inevitable "Best Male Defenders" Ranking, but he's still better than you think).  Losing Streak will be fine.  Victorious Secret ALSO had a tough draw this week against D4 team TMA (at least, that's the division we keep hearing they SHOULD have entered).  They, too, will be fine.

#5 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat TopShot 33-29 (A&A), beat Frodo Swaggins 33-18 (The Angels)

The highest ranked QB outside of D1 REMAINS the highest ranked QB outside of D1 this week with wins in both D2 and D3.  A&A are the only 5-0 team in the League, which means they also have the longest active winning streak in the TSL (no division champs from last session remain undefeated).  Once again it was a close game as A&A has won all five games this session by an average margin of victory of 3.6 PPG.  Amazing.  Oh and Frodo Swaggins was undefeated before the Angels smacked them around this week, so that's a pretty big win too.

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Slob Kabombs 26-25

The Sticky Bandits started last season 0-2 and were outscored by 65 points.  This season they're 0-2 and have been outscored by only 8.  Improvement?  Sure.  Mike continues to play well for Sticky Nation, but surely he was hoping to be at least 1-1 at this point in the season.  Next week is a double header against the #3 and #4 QBs in the League - win both, and the Sticky Bandits are right back in the thick of things.  Winning even one would be a move in the right direction.

#7 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 33-29

TopShot dropped what could be a D2 Finals preview to A&A this week in an unsurprisingly close game.  We don't hear Dylan's name mentioned enough in conversations about the League's top QBs.  Why is that?  It's not a fluke he's #7 in our Power Rankings right now, the guy can play.  No, he does not drop in the Rankings this week for losing to Matty Ice.  And yes, he remains the highest ranked Dylan in D2.

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Notorious BNB 30-20

The "other" Dylan is really shooting up the Power Rankings this session as he's guided the greatest female receiving corps this side of Tight Ends in Motion to an undefeated record at mid-season.  Scared Hitless is the surprise team of the season (there's always one...) and Dylan has to be glad they stayed in D2 this session.  If some combination of A&A, TopShot and Scared Hitless isn't playing for the D2 championship this season, it'll be a major upset.

#9 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 30-20

Notorious BNB dropped to 1-4 on the season, but Buchlis didn't QB the bigger loss of the day against When Dove Cries.  Uh, at least not THIS Buchlis, as Alex's brother came out of retirement to throw for BNB against Team Topper this week.  Alex apparently did QB the second game of the day though, losing to still undefeated Scared Hitless.  Seems like he could have used his #1 receiver Dave Baker, who was playing on the next field for Tight Ends in Motion.  

#10 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game this week.  Hogan drops a spot in the Rankings... even though he's still #2 in the TSL in scoring at 43.0 PPG.  How is that fair?

#11 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 26-25 (Slob Kabombs)

Seth Molisani led Slob Kabombs to their first D1 win this season, taking down the Sticky Bandits by a single point.  Didn't we say it was only a matter of time until Seth was in the Top Ten?  He's knocking on the door to Elite QB status already.  Oh and Buffalo Vice scored 46 points in his absence with Frank Pizza at QB... Seth, Frank, Andy, it feels like nothing can stop those guys from scoring points.  Dan Gonzalez for D4 MVP?

#12 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Notorious BNB 51-16

A dominant showing from Topper this week as he dropped 51 points on the Notorious BNB (against their backup QB of course).  Yes, his defense helped him out a ton with great field position all day, but that's why he surrounds himself with amazing talent - to hide his shortcomings as a QB.  The Commish also stepped in for Lenny's Ladies this week and won a 45-44 thriller against Graves Bros.  All in all a pretty good day for the man in charge.

#13 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 32-18

XTC finally wins a game and we reward Dubey by dropping him two spots in the Power Rankings.  Look: Topper's win was bigger, and Seth won in D1; that's why they passed Dubey, and it's that simple.  XTC is 1-4 but they're only -9 in total point differential.  Crazy to think that they're only 27 net points behind A&A, who are 5-0.  We wouldn't be surprised to see these guys win a playoff game and make it to the D2 semifinals.  We WOULD be a little surprised if they went further than that.

#14 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to the Angels 33-18

And just like that, Frodo Swaggins is no longer undefeated.  Tough loss to the Angels - they're a VERY talented squad it goes without saying, but aren't their wins usually shoot-outs?  We're a little surprised Garrett was only able to put 18 points on the board against them.  The Sentinel observed that his receivers had several drops which surely didn't help their cause.  Let's see how Frodo rebounds next week against Grey Hair - Don't Care.  Oh, and Garrett won a game against Show Me Dem TDs while subbing at QB for Cobblestone, so the day wasn't a complete loss.

#15 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 32-18 (Bullet Club), beat Last Dance 38-30 (4th & Dong)

Winless in D2.  Undefeated in D3.  That's Scotty for you.  (That was, unintentionally, a perfect Haiku, so you're welcome for the gift of free poetry).  It's a tale of two teams right now for Scotty as 4th & Dong are fourth in the TSL in scoring (40.5 PPG) and Bullet Club are fourth LAST in the TSL in scoring (20.6 PPG).  We can't explain it, but we'd be happy to let Scotty himself weigh in on his greatness/terribleness if he'd like.  

#16 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 34-14

Apparently Burr is a great quarterback now?  Who knew?  The Untouchaballs are 3-2 after beating Grey Hair - Don't Care convincingly this week, and the Untouchaballs are third in D3 in scoring.  It looks like their next scheduled game isn't for two weeks, but it should be a good one with undefeated 4th & Dong waiting for them.

#17 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 43-26

Look, clearly Joey Batts is better than the 17th best QB in the TSL.  The man has been in the Top Ten every week since we started Power Ranking until THIS season.  But he's only throwing in D4 now which we do factor into our Power Rankings.  It is what it is.  Having said that, Cunning Stunts are 4-0 right now and tied with 4th & Dong for fourth in the League for scoring (40.5 PPG) so no matter what division Joey throws in, it seems like he does alright.

#18 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Lost to the Untouchaballs 34-14

Adding Corey and Molly will make Grey Hair - Don't Care a stronger team in the long run, but these things don't happen overnight.  GHDC dropped their first game with their new teammates to the Untouchaballs and reminded us why it's always so challenging to rank Eickhoff - he looks incredible one day and then struggles to maintain that consistency the next.  Grey Hair is currently 7th in their division in offense and 2nd in defense which is why they're sitting at 3-1 today, but if they want to make a deep playoff run they'll probably need more from their offense.

#19 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat GUCCI 52-36

See: Joey Batts.  Another QB who we're going to struggle to rank because his only team is playing in D4.  Travis's numbers aren't quite as good as Joey's (seventh in the TSL in scoring at 39.75 PPG and 2-2 record) but his team isn't nearly as established as the Stunts either, so presumably they're still getting better.  If this week's 52-36 win over GUCCI in the "gender team vs gender QB" battle was any sign, Breast Friends are on the right track.

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Darryl didn't play this week, but let's take a second to point out that Cobblestone is 3-2 and tied for fourth in D3 (no matter what the Standings page says) after moving up a division this season.  Not bad Mr. Carr, not bad.

**

Male Receiver Power Rankings

Did you read ANY of the above about the QBs, or did you just skip straight ahead to see the Male Receiver Power Rankings?  We don't blame you if you did - it's exciting stuff!

A few ground rules first, much like the female receiver rankings a couple weeks ago:

• This isn't an "overall male player" ranking, this is a receiver only ranking.  Play great defense but you have shaky hands?  You didn't make this list.  You're a great QB also and you think your versatility should give you an edge in these Rankings?  It didn't.  We are evaluating receiver skills only.  Nothing else.
• The Committee voted on this list based on what we know about each receiver and his abilities today.  It is NOT intended to be a lifetime achievement award (you were great ten years ago?  cool story, but you didn't make the list) and it is NOT intended to be purely a "who's done the best so far four weeks into this season" ranking either (you have ten TDs through four weeks but you were ineffective for three years before that?  you didn't make the list).  In a sense it's just like the QB Rankings we do every week, in that we're trying to capture who we feel is really "the best" if you needed a guy tomorrow to help you win a big game.
• A player's worth as a receiver is not based SOLELY on one factor.  This isn't just speed.  This isn't just hands.  This isn't just route running or physicality or high football IQ.  It's all of those things and how each player puts them together.
• If a player is not active right now, he did not make the list.  Derrick Bloomfield, Dean Thompson, Andy Smith... none of these players make the list.  Micah Hanford for example received a couple votes, but we deemed him a "part timer" and excluded him from the Rankings.

A couple weeks ago we noted that this was INTENDED to be a fun exercise to shine the spotlight on some of the best female players in the TSL and not INTENDED to imply that any girls suck because they didn't make a list of the Top Ten Female receivers in the League.  

And yet people always find some kind of insult in their exclusion, or how high on the list they are.  

Do you think we sat around a room, specifically mentioned YOUR name, and then we laughed and laughed and laughed and agreed that you shouldn't be ranked higher because you suck?  

That's not how it went.  

We had members of the QB Committee each submit their Male Receiver rankings in order, and compiled it from there based on who appeared on multiple lists and how high they appeared on each.  There are twice as many male receivers in the TSL as female receivers, so for this list we're doing a Top Twenty.  

Think about that for a second - there are maybe 5-6 male receivers per team, times 45 non-gender teams, minus some people on more than one team.  That's MAYBE 240 male receivers in the League, and we're highlighting only the Top Twenty... the best 8% in the League.  You think you're in the Top 8%?  Most people aren't great with numbers, so let's put that in perspective: if we only showed the Top 8% of the League in our QB Power Rankings, it would be Bro Klecker, Chris Cole and Bobby McConnell.  That's it.  Top 8% is the elite of the elite.

So yeah, WE don't think it's terribly insulting if you didn't make this list, but hey, you're free to feel any way you want about it.  Go tell your buddies you got robbed and you're better than all these guys.  One or two of you might even be right.

Let's start with a few honorable mentions that received multiple votes but ultimately missed our Top Twenty.  Apologies of course if we butcher the spelling of your name.  In alphabetical (not Ranked!) order:

• Jon Allen
• Jeremy Burr
• Adrian Cannon*
• James Celotto
• Travis Cleveanger
• Anthony Deak
• "Stoner" Dave Gdaniec*
• Matt Helm
• Zach Newberry
• Greg Osika
• Mike Rawdin
• Jonny Yioulos

Now... on to the Male Receiver Power Rankings!  For added drama, we'll count down from 20th to 1st on this one.

20th: Kevin Zack* - Sticky Bandits

Kevin has insane quickness, veteran awareness of how and where to get open on every play, and an all-out effort that no in the League can beat.  He's won more championships in the TSL than we can count, and he seems to somehow be getting faster every year.  Kevin is a matchup nightmare for defenses with his speed and route running, especially in the end zone.

*TSL QB Power Rankings Committee Note: There was actually a three way tie for 20th place between Kevin Zack, Stoner Dave (Tight Ends in Motion) and Adrian Cannon (TopShot/Sticky Bandits), but Kevin gets the final spot because he appeared on the most ballots.

19th: Nick Wendt - Tight Ends in Motion

Nick would be higher on this list if we included his incredible defensive contributions as well, but as a pure receiver he's still good for 19th in the TSL.  Fast, smart, tough, and a natural playmaker, Nick is the total package, and he's also one of the nicest guys in the League too (although that didn't really help his Receiver Ranking).

18th: Garrett Beesing - the Notorious BNB

Garrett is transitioning to quarterbacking for Frodo Swaggins these days but don't let that fool you, he's still an absolutely elite wide receiver for Notorious BNB as well.  He's a perfect combination of size and speed and athleticism, and we've lost track of how many "that should have been impossible to catch" receptions he's made over the years.  

17th: Eric Delecki - Eyes Downtown

Delecki has been playing as long as most of us can remember, and he's a former D1 MVP candidate as well (we don't remember if we won it?).  His football IQ is off the charts and the guy is constantly finding ways to get open.  If the ball is thrown anywhere in his vicinity, he'll find a way to get there and get his feet in bounds.  

16th: Dan Gonzalez - Buffalo Vice

Dan doesn't get as much recognition as the others on this list because he plays for Buffalo Vice in D4, but they're another team that always puts up huge points, and more often than not it seems like it's just Dan outrunning the field to catch insane deep bombs.  When every one of our voters independently picks the same guy playing in the fourth Division, you know he must be pretty good.

15th: Todd Halas - Bullet Club

Todd was once described by his quarterback as "looks like a giant bag of dicks, but man he can actually play".  We don't know about the first part, but the second part is very true.  Todd has made a long career of getting open and making spectacular catches with a range that defenders somehow always underestimate.  He's as reliable as it gets for Bullet Club.

14th: Paul Johnson - Public Enemy

Paul Johnson is the model of consistency, and he's been one of the most precise route runners in the League for approximately forever.  His abilities in every facet of the game make it nearly impossible to cover him, and he's been one of the most reliable weapons over the years for the multi-time champions Public Enemy.

13th: Pete Nguyen - Public Enemy

If Paul is the model of consistency, his new teammate Pete is the model of explosive potential.  One of the top freak athletes in the TSL, Pete's upside is second to none.  Phenomenal speed, quickness and playmaking abilities.  The rich got richer when Public Enemy added "Asian Pete" to their team this session.

12th: Brian Stevens - Sticky Bandits

Brian Stevens has been the Sticky Bandits' top playmaker over the past few years and is another athlete who could be even higher on this list if we factored in defense.  He can run literally any route needed, he's consistent, and he'll fight for every ball that's thrown in his vicinity.  Brian is what happens when natural talent meets maximum effort.

11th: Ben Stack - Slob Kabombs

There are a lot of "fast" guys on this list, but there's a difference between fast and quick, and Ben Stack is both.  No one accelerates out of a sharp cut to full speed as quickly as Ben, and he's a nightmare to cover.  Every route is 100% speed and effort, and if he ever gets tired, we've never seen it.

10th: Andy Smigiera- Slob Kabombs

Andy Smigiera is a name that surely some readers don't know about yet, but if they stick around and watch a Slob Kabombs game, they'll leave asking who THAT guy was.  He's an insane talent: fast, great route running, doesn't drop a ball.  He looks like a pro playing against children out there.  Andy could be higher on this list if he played more often.

9th: Jordan Neidig - Eyes Downtown

Jordan is newer to the Topper Sports League but his football abilities are obvious as soon as the ball is snapped.  He's a huge deep threat for Eyes Downtown with a dangerous mix of speed, height and a ridiculous vertical.  We're told he has a college football background, which doesn't surprise us at all.  Great athlete, nice guy.

8th: Dave Baker - Tight Ends in Motion, Notorious BNB

The ultimate savvy veteran who has somehow gotten better with age.  Dave Baker isn't the tallest or fastest receiver on this list, but we feel pretty confident in saying he's the smartest.  Nobody has a knack for getting open like Dave, especially in the end zone.  He sees the field like a quarterback and always knows what spots to attack. 

7th: Ralph Finney - Losing Streak

Ralph doesn't say much at the fields because he doesn't have to - he's one of the few athletes that just lets his play do all the talking for him.  He may be one of the most well rounded wide receivers that you don't know about yet: size, speed, football IQ, athleticism, it's all there.  Chris Nelson is the bigger "name" on Losing Streak, but if you don't know who Ralph is too, you should.

6th: Keyon Elias - Passed Our Prime

Keyon was dominant for a bad (well, "absent" is probably a better word) Passed Our Prime in D2 last session, and if you haven't seen him play then you've definitely missed some highlight reel catches.  He's fast enough to blow the top off a defense and he's got great hands.  Passed Our Prime has been right at the top of the League in scoring both last session and this session, and the Hogan-to-Keyon connection is a big reason why.

5th: Drew Colosimo - When Dove Cries, Sticky Bandits

Who do you think has made Topper look so good (okay, "mediocre" is probably a better word) all these years?  Drew has the speed, crisp route running and the hands to make contested catches.  Universally respected by teammates and opponents alike, Drew was named on all of our ballots.

4th: Sean Weisensal - TopShot

One of the best pure athletes in the TSL, Sean is one of those unstoppable athletes that you're probably not able to cover in the first place, but will STILL make plays even if you're in perfect position against him.  Fast and physical, Sean makes any team he's on an immediate contender, from Freeballers (last season's D4 champs) to Eyes Downtown (last season's nearly D1 Finalists) to TopShot (this season's upper level D2 contender).

3rd: Derek Bongiovanni - Tight Ends in Motion

Tall and FAST and great hands.  Derek doesn't run EVERY type of route, but the ones he does are spectacular.  If he gets behind you, forget about it, the guy is scoring a touchdown and you're not going to stop him.  The D1 Champs' ultimate "break glass in case of emergency" plan, Derek always gives Tight Ends the upper hand on 6th downs.

2nd: Chris Nelson - Losing Streak

You knew he'd be right near the top of this list.  Chris Nelson is maybe the most dangerous receiver in the TSL.  His speed, quickness and catch radius make him about impossible to cover.  Just the ultimate athlete, with debatably the best physical skillset in the League.  If you were drafting a team for the next ten years, Chris would be the #1 pick.

1st: Mike Boccio - Public Enemy

The best receiver in the League.  Boccio was one of five men that appeared on every ballot (Chris Nelson, Derek Bongiovanni, Drew Colosimo and Ben Stack being the others, if you're curious) and he was right at or near the top of all of them.  The best player on the team with a million D1 championships shouldn't really be a surprise.  If you've played against him you know he's fast, smart, consistent, and just a playmaker.  We assume there will be SOME interest in him when Public Enemy retires and he becomes a free agent.

And those are the Top Twenty Male Receivers in the League!  You HATED it didn't you?  You thought you should have been higher, right?  SO insulting.  If you have any complaints, you can either send them to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., OR you can just complain about how stupid we are at the bar on Saturday.  That's probably easier.  

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And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  we spelled your name wrong in the Receiver Rankings?  we didn't include a single receiver from TMA?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?