POWER RANKINGS

 

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are 54 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 54 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 25, so we do try to be inclusive.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking, if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally, we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  We no longer have our own email address, so if you want to tell us about your QB, why not email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and introduce yourself?  And please, please be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Mike Thomas just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

 

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents, so if you're running up the score to try to get noticed... well, that only makes you an asshole!  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club and don't factor that into our Rankings.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official bold predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

 

• Come From Behind makes it to the D4 Finals… but lose the game
• What a Dump defeats Eyes Downtown in the regular season… but Eyes Downtown wins the playoff matchup (IF they meet in the playoffs at all)
• Every team in D5 loses at least two games.  Too tough a division to go undefeated (or even 7-1!)
• TSL Legend Joey Batts wins ZERO championships this Spring, after winning every single game in the Fall
• The Wanderers finally win their first TSL championship this Spring, winning by less than 6 points in the Finals game
• Out of the three truly “all new teams” (Show Me Your TDs, Mo Chicken, Raw Milkers), Raw Milkers will finish with the best record this season

 

But what do we know?  We went 3 out of 6 on last year's predictions:

• PowerPuff Girls take the #1 seed in the D5 regular season... but they don't win the D5 Championship game [NAILED it.  PowerPuff Girls DID take the #1 seed, and Come From Behind won the championship.]
• Bullet Club and Toppers All-Stars & Todd repeat this session as needing play-in games to make the D3 playoffs (and this time, Topper doesn't forfeit!) [Half right, but that doesn’t really count – Toppers All Stars & Todd were in the play-in game for D3 last year, but Bullet Club made fools of us all by finishing 5-4]
• Joey Batts wins exactly one championship this Fall session [Joey Batts didn’t lose a game last session, and we promised EXACTLY one championship, so we got this one very wrong]
• The Malones play in, but lose, the D2 Championship game [The Malones were one play away from WINNING the D2 championship game and proving us wrong… but Mavericks beat them on their final drive, which means we got this prediction 100% right]
• Day by Day will win the D6 Championship this Fall.  You heard it here first. [They did not.  Congrats to Blitzkrieg!]
• Cobblestone will forfeit at least one OTHER game this season (besides the one they forfeited on Saturday) [Sadly we got this one right too.  Darryl, man… build a more reliable roster!]

 

 

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Spring 2025 Season.  

 

As always, we do NOT overreact to one week's worth of games in our first Power Rankings of the season.  You also might not see MANY new people yet because we need a larger sample size to see how some of these changes play out.  Sorry if you don't like it, but if people are good enough, their stock will rise quickly and we'll get them Ranked over the next few weeks.  

 

Here are your Top Ten starting QBs in the TSL:

 

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Undefeated Fall (and Winter?) champion Joseph Battaglia starts on top of the Power Rankings of course.  No games for either of this teams this week – do we think he requested the bye week to ensure he’d stay on top of the Power Rankings for at least one more week?

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 30-17

Eyes Downtown had like 80% roster turnover since Fall season, but it doesn’t seem to have slowed Bobby down much.  Eyes Downtown rolled to an easy 14 point win their opening weekend, and they’re #1 in the D1 standings as well.

 

#3 Mike Thomas – Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 39-32

The reigning TSL D1 Quarterback of the Year started the season with a close win against Freeballers.  Why does Bobby McConnell start higher on the Power Rankings than Mike Thomas when they played the exact same opponent and Mike scored more points?  Sometimes these things don’t make any sense…

 

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Beat What a Dump 40-30

There has been a bit of a “Big Three” in the Power Rankings for the last year or so, but it might be time to expand that to a “Big Four”.  Frodo Swaggins leads D1 in scoring after one week, and they were on the cusp of making the Championship game last Fall.  Look for these guys to make the jump to serious contenders this Spring.

 

#5 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Show Me Your TDs 64-0

Let’s be clear: Ryan isn’t 5^th in the Power Rankings because Can’t Touch This beat the shit out of a brand new team in their first ever game.  Ryan is 5^th in the Power Rankings because he has evolved into one of the most complete quarterbacks in the League.  CTT plays in D2, but Dougherty HAS beaten the two QBs listed above him in these Power Rankings before…

 

#6 Jordan Lawson – Freeballers / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 39-30, lost to Eyes Downtown 30-17 (Freeballers)

No games for Mavericks yet.  Jordan chose to keep them in D2 this session, but is ALSO playing D1, so we can’t really play the “too scared to move up” card, right?  Either way – D1 is hard, especially throwing for a new team.  A doubleheader against two former champions didn’t help either.

 

#7 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 45-22, beat Let’s Get Recked 31-27

Every year we are convinced that the Wanderers will win D3 and make the jump to D2, and every year their season ends a little earlier than we thought.  We’re not afraid to call it again (just look at our bold predictions above!), they’re going ALL the way this season.  Frank is too good to not win this championship eventually.

 

#8 Rhace Colon – The Malones

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 38-17

We don’t like putting “rookie QBs” in the Top Ten until they’ve had a few more games to prove their worth, but The Malones looked PRETTY GOOD against a solid Scared Hitless team last week.  It sounds like Rhace is taking over from Andy Strug this session (who is moving to receiver).  That’s a bold move for a team that was on the verge of winning D2 last session with their last QB.

 

#9 Cody Stumpf – What a Dump

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 40-30

TWO “rookie QBs” in a row!  We don’t do this very often (if ever).  What a Dump is the Eyes Downtown offshoot team that has most of the “Eyes Downtowny” talent, with a new face at QB.  They lost their first game of the season, but Cody has thrown before (gender teams, wine tournament etc) and we’re betting that these guys will find their rhythm soon.

 

 #10 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to The Malones 38-17

“Scared Hitless lost to the Malones.  So has everyone else who has played them this year.  Probably not a big deal, we're thinking.” That’s what we wrote in Week One of last Fall’s Power Rankings, and it’s shockingly true several months later.  They lost Travis this season, and potentially new add George Lombardo as well, so not off to a great start… but we’ve counted Scared Hitless out before just to see them finish strong.

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  If you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?