Week 8 -Lenny Alba Appreciation Week

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 14 June 2019 12:54

Published: Friday, 14 June 2019 12:54

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 7671

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe!

On this Saturday, June 15th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019, The Topper Sports League will be holding one of its most important events it has ever thrown.

Lenny Alba Appreciation Day!

The fun starts on Friday Night, at the Vue Rooftop Lounge on top of the Curtiss Hotel. ALL OF YOU are invited to join Topper, Rameer, and other assorted TSL celebrities as we toast our beloved Commissioner. Be there at 7:30!

Then on Saturday, we’ll have the celebration at the fields. When talking to Topper about it this week, he said he thought to himself “What would Lenny do?”. Sadly, it wasn’t feasible to have a B’s Brother Burning Man on Field 5, and Cirque De Soleil doesn’t do private shows. However, we DO have an ice cream truck with free ice cream, some wheel spins, the burgers and dogs will be available for purchase, the Dunk Tank will make its appearance, and maybe a surprise or two.

I’m not here to talk about anything football related in the intro. Because, in the grand scheme of things, the rest pales in comparison to the importance that comes with Lenny Day. The man lived and breathed this league. He loved every single one of us. He took anyone members of this league considered “a villain” and went out of his way to talk to that person and find the good in them. He believed in all of us. Yeah, he may have gotten upset with certain people at times, but he’d move on from it faster than anyone else in history. Lenny appreciated YOU and this league more than any of us ever could. Now all of you need to show up to appreciate the hell out of him. Why? Because none of us are here, every Saturday, in the league that we love, meeting our friends that have become family, having a blast, meeting our future spouses, mothers/fathers of our children, or anything else if it wasn’t for Lenny Alba. Be there.

The league has been fun, as it always is, but we all know that it’s been missing something. Let’s go celebrate him.

LTA#56. We love you. We miss you. Forever in our hearts.

With that said, holy crap it’s Week 8. Playoff spots are secure, positioning is not, bye weeks are up for grabs, and there’s some more crossover games! Let’s take a look!

C1/C2 Crossovers

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 36, Bullet Club 30

Marketing Mayors 32, Money Ball 6

1 Todd Too Many 37, Energy Buff 16

A&A 37, Tight Ends In Motion 31

Eyes Downtown 21, Title Shot 0

Gryffindor 30, #XTC@Angry Buffalo 28

So first off, I was right. TWO victories for the D2C2 Squads! Thanks Matty Ice and Joey Batts! A&A received the good fortune of having TEIM struggle through its most recent QB issue (the ‘Seth Signal’ has been shining brightly in the sky to no avail) and Joey Batts took one of the hotter teams in the league and took out an #XTC@AB team that’s had its own struggles. No struggles for Team Topper though, as they disposed of Energy Buff rather easily, though EB was missing a QB as well I believe. The Mayors slapped around Money Ball, and Eyes Downtown won in a forfeit. Bullet Club tried its best to break the streak but found themselves in a 16 point deficit early on in the game. Despite a much better second half, they came up short.

We have another week of fun crossovers as well! Let’s see if there’s more upsets waiting out there for us.

Public Enemy vs A&A – Matty Ice is next up for potential “streak breakers”. He already owns one of the two D2/C2 wins this season, and if he could beat Public Enemy, we may never hear the end of it. This game should be lots of fun, and if we’re lucky, I’ll be able to hear the smack talk from Des Moines. Moderate Chance for the D2/C2 upset.

Eyes Downtown vs Gryffindor – Bobby vs Joey. We’re really getting some excellent QB matchups here. This is like Sting vs Stone Cold Steve Austin, but if it actually happened in 1998. Gryffindor slid by #XTC and ED didn’t even have to play their crossover game last week. Both teams need a win for getting bye weeks in their division. This should be a fun one. Low chance for a D2/C2 upset.

Marketing Mayors vs Bullet Club – This is like when NFL teams fighting for playoff positioning play at the same time. Marketing Mayors are battling Eyes Downtown for their bye, and Bullet Club is battling Gryffindor for theirs. They all play each other at 11:00. Brilliant work Topper!! BC lost to Public Enemy last week without their stud Chad Griffin, who is allegedly going to be in attendance this weekend. The Mayors had zero problem with Money Ball and lost to ED by a point last week. This is another game that should be pretty close. Moderate chance at the D2/C2 upset.

Tight Ends In Motion vs Energy Buff – This matchup should come down to who’s throwing for who here. Both teams lost last week but had QB issues. I’m not sure what to think of EB anymore this season. They’ve been so inconsistent. I’d like to think the Tight Ends’ defense can hold them. Low Chance of a D2/C2 upset.

1 Todd Too Many vs Money Ball – Team Topper is back baby! 1TTM gets back on the winning side of things, and they look to “prey” upon Money Ball this week, who looked all sorts of out of it against the Marketing Mayors. Now, 1 Todd isn’t exactly MM, but they’ve got to be feeling good, and they’ll be wearing their Lenny shirts on Lenny Day. Which means Lenny will most likely have Topper lose in comical fashion. Moderate Chance of a D2/C2 upset.

#XTC@ Angry Buffalo vs Title Shot – I don’t even know if Title Shot is going to show up for this one. What a fall from grace they’ve had this season. #XTC has been much better as Sooch finds his rhythm. When you’re chock full of handsome people like Joe Russell and Eric Stegmeier, you need to play as good as you look. This could be a good one if both teams are at full strength. Moderate chance at a D2/C2 upset.

I’m not claiming a number of wins for this one. If I had to pick two: Bullet Club and Energy Buff. But I wouldn’t bet on it.

D1/C1

Last Week’s Games:

Eyes Downtown 33, Marketing Mayors 32

Only one game on the docket, but it mattered for the playoffs. A one point win put ED in the driver’s seat for second place and a first round bye.

Playoff time! Here’s what we know: Public Enemy is first place and getting the bye. Currently, Marketing Mayors and Eyes Downtown both have 15 points and are tied for the bye, but ED has a game in hand and the head to head victory. As for the rest of the division, they’re all tied. TEIM has a game in hand on #XTC@AB and Team Topper. Seeding is going to change drastically this week.

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+10) – Tight Ends needs to really get it together heading into the playoffs. Eyes Downtown seems to be rolling along right now, and they know they can’t afford a slip up here so they can clinch the bye. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 10

D2/C2

Last Week’s Games:

None. Only had the Crossovers.

Playoff update: MADNESS. As of now, A&A and Gryffindor are in the bye week position. Bullet Club is sitting right behind them though. Unless A&A breaks PE’s streak, they’ll finish 5-4. Gryffindor and Bullet Club play each other. They’re both 4-3. Energy Buff sits a game behind them with an outside shot at the bye as well. Title Shot and Money Ball seem to be entrenched in the last two seeds, but who the hell knows anymore? This division has been crazy fun all year, and it only makes sense that nothing is making sense still.

Gryffindor vs Bullet Club (+1) – I should’ve made this game EVEN, but Gryffindor DID beat BC not too long ago. This game pretty much looks like a bye week “playoff” game, with the winner most likely getting the #1 seed. With the way this division has been though, look for, somehow, to have A&A, Gryffindor, and Bullet Club all end up 5-4 so Topper’s magic formulas can figure out who gets the byes. Which can only mean the result we’re not expecting will happen: GRYFFINDOR AND BULLET CLUB TIE.

D3/R1:

Last Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn 45, Ultimate Warriors 22

Slytherin That End Zone 36, Morning Wood 36

3rd and Schlong 38, Sticky Bandits 38

Frodo Swaggins 18, Peachy Platoon 14

So basically, Quinn is a bunch of a jerks and ruined Sam Lattuca’s QB start! We’ve learned nothing since everyone decided to tie this week, except let’s pay attention to the Frodo win over Peachy. That’s a big one, and it announces that Frodo needs to be taken VERY seriously in the playoffs.

Playoffs: Here’s what we know: Ultimate Warriors are the 8 seed. After that? No clue. AWDIQ plays SITE for what is essentially the #1 seed. A SITE win gives them both 6-2-1 records. 3rd and Schlong and Frodo battle each other as well, in another awesome matchup. It looks like 3AS isn’t going to get a makeup game in and only play 8 games, where if they’d have won both they’d be 6-2-1 as well. Because Sticky Bandits are also leaving a game on the table, Morning Wood may be able to pass them in the standings with a win over Ultimate Warriors. This is bananas. Peachy Platoon is in there somewhere too. My head hurts.

All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone (+3) – SITE has to be shaking their heads after giving up a tie to Morning Wood. That’s a game you need to win if you’re going to win your division. Quinn is still chugging along as the division leader. I’m not sure which team wants it more, but considering how they both played last week: ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 3

3rd and Schlong vs Frodo Swaggins (EVEN) – This game should be a lot of fun. 3AS has gone from the team making the most noise in recent seasons, to just being a quietly good team while the others get the press. That doesn’t matter to them, as they’ve still been putting the boots to teams. Frodo is a new team, they’re a fun team, and they’ve had some BIG games this season. They’re hard to beat. They have the best player in the league that nobody knows about in Josh Schnieder. As long as Garrett doesn’t over think anything, they’re a tough out. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 8

Peachy Platoon vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – Sticky is always a good, smart team but this season just hasn’t gone as well as they’d like it. Once considered favorites to win this division, they find themselves near the bottom of the standings. Of course, having an injury to your QB is always an issue, but Mike Thomas is more than capable and may secretly be the best backup in the league. For all of the pub Peachy gets, they’re only 4-4, and they’re losing the big games it seems. They lost to SITE, Frodo twice, and 3AS. They *did* beat Quinn though. They need more consistency for sure. PEACHY PLATOON BY 10

Morning Wood vs Ultimate Warriors (+7) – Just a nightmare of a season for the Warriors, but what better way for them to get some momentum for the playoffs than to get their first win? Morning Wood’s up and down season has them all over the place and it’s hard to figure out just what they are. Let’s go for it: ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 4

D4/R2

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 44, Hung Buffalo 27

Cobblestone 27, Full Throttle 22

GLBS 44, Cobblestone 19

Puckett All-Stars 59, Indecent Exposure 22

End Game 22, Indecent Exposure 21

Hung Buffalo 19, Puckett All-Stars 7

One week before playoffs and just about everything you expected to happen went down. Buffalo Solar came back to us, beating Hung Buffalo. Cobblestone won again, essentially knocking Full Throttle out of the playoffs. Puckett had a big win over Indecent Exposure, but lose to Hung Buffalo in a close one later on. And End Game ESCAPED Indecent Exposure.

Playoffs: What we know: End Game is the best team in the division, but Uncle Rico’s and No Punt Intended are knocking on the door. GLBS, Hung Buffalo, and BSS are all in the playoffs for sure, and I think Full Throttle is officially eliminated. Then we have a three way dance between Indecent Exposure, Cobblestone, and Puckett All-Stars for the last spot. Should be interesting, but I think IE and Cobblestone will make it.

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Cobblestone (+8) – Cobblestone has been money as of late, going 2-1 in their last 3 games. However, the loss to GLBS seemed to come pretty easy, and I think BSS’ win this weekend puts this one in their favor. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 7

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – Puckett had their big win last week, but even a tired BSS shouldn’t have an issue with them. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 8

GLBS vs Full Throttle (+16) – Full Throttle has just struggled to put a full game together all season. On has to assume they’re running for the bus here, while GLBS is playing for playoff positioning. Glenn Bird has had to assume QB duties as of late, and it looks like its so far so good. GLBS BY 12

End Game vs No Punt Intended (+3) – I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to let NPI hurt me again. I believed in them, they let me down, and when I was finally accepting it, they’re winning again. They’ve been hot as of late, and I think this game could go down to the wire. But End Game is just so good. I wish I knew who the guys on this team were. END GAME BY 4

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Indecent Exposure (+9) – It feels like we haven’t seen Uncle Rico’s in months. Did they quit after they blew the NPI game so badly? Either way, they’re back and they’re taking on a team in IE that just seems to be falling apart at the seams. Yeah, they were within a point of End Game, but they got smoked by Puckett. Just doesn’t feel like the right time for a blow up. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 13

D5/R3

Last Week’s Scores:

Matty’s Angels 61, Cunning Stunts 42

Over Compensators 33, HomeTech 29

Hope N Ruin 30, Come From Behind 21

Ugandan Warriors 32, vandalay industries 26

Cunning Stunts 34, Pink Pteratacos 26

Ugandan Warriors 33, Pink Pteratacos 20

Five Star Generals 58, vandalay industries 49

It happens every year. There’s a big gender game, and Joey Batts is the QB for one of the teams and he blows it. The Angels continue their D5 dominance, wiping the floor with Stunts. They still can’t play defense though. The Ugandan Warriors solidified their claim to the “best not gender team in D5” title with two big wins. Vandalay had a rough day at the office, losing to Five Star. The Pteratacos had a bad day in terms of record, but they hung in there with Ugandan and the Stunts, and that says something.

Playoffs: What we know: Matty’s is the best, the Stunts are second, and Ugandan is 3^rd. After that, its literally anybody’s game for seeds 4-10. HomeTech is currently 1-6 and at the bottom of things but two wins can flip them into the playoffs. Lots of good action here, no idea how it shakes out.

Hope N Ruin vs Over Compensators (+6) – both of the teams seem to be trending upwards here. Hope N Ruin has been more Ruin than Hope (love that gag) but the playoffs are coming, so let’s just pencil them into the D5 final now. HOPE N RUIN BY 3

Ugandan Warriors vs Come From Behind (+10) – Ugandan is a very good team. They’ve been winning games left and right and, as long they know much time is left on the clock, they may not lose again. Come From Behind didn’t have the best of luck last week, and while they’re a very good team, the Warriors are on a mission.  UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 7

Matty’s Angels vs vandalay industries (+10) – with Topper playing in C1, the non award winning Tommy Hughes is looking to lead vandalay against the unfair juggernauts that better enjoy D4 next session: The Angels. I just cant imagine Tommy being able to keep up with Matty and the girls. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 17

Five Star Generals vs HomeTech (EVEN) – Two teams that haven’t had the best of seasons meet up in what just might be essentially a playoff game. Five Star got a feel good win this past week, but if they want to make some noise in the division, they need to win this one to do it. HOMETECH BY 6

D6/R4

Last Week’s Scores:

pAssless Chaps 37, Practice Squad 26

Practice Squad 46, Jabronies 17

Jabronies 52, TMA 14

Yeah, somehow Practice Squad blew a game against the Chaps and then beat up on the Jabronies. I can’t explain it.

Playoffs: what we know: Practice Squad and Jabronies have the bye weeks. What we don’t know: seeds 3-6. Lots of matchups to be determined this week.

Jabronies vs pAssless Chaps (+10) – The Jabronies have been a very hot team as long as they aren’t playing Practice Squad. While it seems that the Chaps upset the very same Squad, I can’t imagine lightning striking twice.  JABRONIES BY 7

TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express (+3) – Everytime BPX plays TMA, they’re short girls. That’s the problem with three of your ladies playing on the enemy. Both teams need a win here, and I think we’ll see both teams play their best, as word is Gordon should have all of his other girls. I think they’ve played twice before, so third time’s the charm. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 5

Practice Squad vs The Bambs (+6) – I don’t know what the hell happened to the Bambs. When someone finds them, can you ask them? Practice Squad keeps rolling. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 5

The Bi-Polar Express vs The Bambs (EVEN) – BPX beat The Bambs a few weeks ago, and like I said in the last game, we still haven’t found them in a few weeks. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 7

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      How many more teams from D2/C2 win their crossover games this week? There were two last week, do you think they can do it again?

2.      How long until Topper buys the remaining hot dogs and hamburgers and lets everyone have them for free? 2:00?

3.      Will Vue Rooftop Lounge be packed with TSLers for Lenny Day on Friday? Seriously, if you’re able to go, get out there and meet Rameer and Topper!

4.      Who’s going in the Dunk Tank? There has GOT to be some new blood that wants to take their chances. If they’ve seen some of the QBs in this league, they won’t be scared.

5.      What crazy finishes will we have to the regular season? There’s a lot of playoff spots on the line this week. Do YOU want your team’s fate in the hands of Topper?

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      First off, Congratulations to Mark Buscaglia and Kim Mahoney on their engagement! Another awesome couple to add to the list of TSL marriages! We all know Katie Keller and a man that’s a plan are next.

2.      Shout out to Kenny Lantz of the Practice Squad for being the newest member of the ever growing TSL list of injured ankles! Get well soon!

3.      Since we’re having a DJ play all day this week, Travis, please leave your speaker in the car. Also, pay for Pandora premium for whatever. Nobody wants to hear the commercials.

4.      Breakfast Club playoffs this week! Give me the Hot TaMollys over Peanut Butter Kelly Time 36-20 and Natural Born Kellers over EmC HammerTime 24 -22.

5.      I’m not going to make this a big thing again, but seriously, stop putting your hands on refs people. That vein in Rameer’s head is about to pop.

6.      The best games to watch this week:

a.      10:00 – Field 2 – All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone

b.      11:00 – Field 2 – Marketing Mayors vs Bullet Club

c.       12:00 – Field 1 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Energy Buff

d.      1:00 – Field 3 – No Punt Intended vs End Game

e.      2:00 – Field 2 – Bullet Club vs Gryffindor

f.        3:00 – Field 1 – The Bi-Polar Express vs The Bambs

7.      Not to be the bearer of bad news, but its currently 50% chance to rain, and it might be windy. Nothing better than deciding playoff seeds in that fun stuff. Just kidding, Lenny won’t let that happen.

8.      Hopefully, with all of the Lenny Day festivities, people stick around the bar for some time! Let’s help Topper be drunk until Tuesday!!

9.      Whoever eats the most ice cream gets to spin the wheel. Just saying.

10.   This weekend is supposed to be about celebrating Lenny, but its also about celebrating each other. Be good people this weekend, as Lenny would’ve wanted you to be. Enjoy yourself, take pictures, and make a new friend. We miss you Lenny.

Week 6 Mid Season Review, Picks, thoughts, and stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Thursday, 30 May 2019 13:10

Published: Thursday, 30 May 2019 13:10

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 3860

So, let me get this straight.

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers have been BEGGING for more publicity. They wanted to know why Rameer wasn’t talking about them enough on the rant. Why wasn’t The Godfather giving them enough props? Why isn’t their QB in the Top 10 of the Rankings? They even went so far as to post on the Topper Sports Facebook page to ASK for more people to talk about them!

Ask, and you shall receive. But, be careful what you wish for.

Uncle Rico’s went out with the full intentions of proving themselves to be the run away contenders for D4(R2). They were sitting at 5-1, with a doubleheader last week against a completely lost Puckett All-Stars and a struggling No Punt Intended. They beat Puckett 39-20. They were up against No Punt Intended by a score, with the ball, with only 1:50 left on the clock. And then they got cocky. And they got what they deserved. Instead of casually running out the clock and winning the game, they tried to go for more points. Kyle Conniff picked off a pass on first down to give NPI the ball near the goal line. NPI ran down the clock, scored with no time left to win the game, and smacked Uncle Rico’s in the mouth. It was easily the most embarrassing loss a team has had in the TSL this season. I had my sources watch Uncle Rico’s so they could report back to me with who they had on their squad. I found out that they had Deak and Chris Nelson (a future star in this league that’s on every D1 team’s poach list, word is he’s already much better than his dad ever was) and that’s a big reason they’ve been so good. But now they’ve shown the entire division that perhaps they’ve been a bit overrated and that MAYBE there was a reason that they’re the only ones that really wanted to talk about their own team. Maybe.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Memorial Day weekend. While we were all busy remembering those who gave the Ultimate Sacrifice, I want everyone to remember that it was also the time for us to bury the “Uncle Rico’s is unbeatable so talk about us more” nonsense.

With that said, welcome back to another amazing week of our own little reality show we call the Spring 2019 season. Somehow, there’s only three weeks of regular season football to go before the playoffs, and the divisions are working themselves out to show us who has a realistic shot of achieving social co-ed football immortality, and those who need a few tweaks. So instead of just previewing games, lets take a look at who actually has a chance at their respective division titles and who, well, doesn’t.

D1/C1

THE FAVORITE

Public Enemy (6-0)

THE CONTENDERS

Eyes Downtown (3-1) , Marketing Mayors (3-2), Tight Ends In Motion (2-3)

THE PRETENDERS

#XTC@Angry Buffalo (1-5), 1 Todd Too Many (1-5)

Last Week’s Results:

Public Enemy 40, #XTC@AB 37

Eyes Downtown 56, 1 Todd Too Many 32

Public Enemy 29, Tight Ends In Motion 28

PE is on a 16 game winning streak, essentially becoming the TSL’s version of The Undertaker. Quite frankly, until they’re defeated, I’m not going to put them in a tier with anyone else. Of course, last week gave us some VERY close calls, as they only won by 3 points and 1 point respectively. And who comes to town this week? Eyes Downtown, who got their inspirational leader back. Bobby McConnell FINALLY graced the TSL with his aura this season, and it was poor Topper who had to be on the back end of a 56-32 loss. ED takes on PE in a rematch of “THE GAME” and while we all know that “ITS ON”, I don’t want to hype it up too much since last time I did that, things weren’t great. Tight Ends just missed out on breaking PE’s streak last week, but they still have to walk away happy knowing that they’ve been on the right track since Ricky Austin started throwing for them. The team just seems to have a bounce in their step around the fields now, and they’re finding their groove. Marketing Mayors didn’t play this week, but that doesn’t mean people should forget just how dangerous they really can be when all cylinders are firing. #XTC gets better each week as Nick Sooch gets more comfortable. I’m not ready to move them up in a ranking tier just yet, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t by season’s end. A 3 point loss to PE is something to be proud of. 1 Todd Too Many has had rough go of it since their opening season win. A couple of missed opportunities have caused them a few games, but some roster consistency would be a great first start towards figuring it all out. One thing’s for sure: They’re not going to give up, so don’t even THINK to consider them an “easy out”.

This Week’s Games:

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) – I think that the TEIM crew is really starting to click at the right time, and catching the Mayors after a week off might be perfect timing here. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3

Public Enemy vs. Eyes Downtown (EVEN) – Public Enemy has really been squeaking by as of late, and they look complacent. Bobby wants nothing more to the Brock Lesnar to this streak. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6

#XTC@Angry Buffalo vs 1 Todd Too Many – XTC is on the rise, and Team Topper is still trying to work out the kinks.  #XTC@ANGRY BUFFALO BY 4

D2/C2

THE CONTENDERS

Everyone.

Last Week’s Games:

Gryffindor 43, Bullet Club 36

Bullet Club 38, A&A 22

Energy Buff 34, Title Shot 31

Seriously, everyone is a contender here. Bullet Club currently leads the standings at 3-2. They had some awful halves last week, as they were behind Gryffindor 37-14 at halftime, and were behind A&A 22-0 at the half as well. They nearly came back against Gryffindor, and they shutout A&A 38-0 in the second half. And that’s just about the perfect way to explain their season so far. Title Shot is also 3-2, after a 3 point loss against Energy Buff. Dubey needs to show up more often (tell me if you’ve heard that before), and a very exciting rematch against BC is on the docket for this week. A&A? Also 3-2. Matty was struggling to get the girls to show up yet again this week, and that’s been too much of a consistent problem. Energy Buff checks in at 2-2, but they’re trending upwards as it seems that they’re starting to get it together. Maybe my early predictions that they’d win the division weren’t the worst ever. Gryffindor is 2-3, and I don’t even think they know what to expect from their team every week. Their game this week showed the good (a 37-14 first half) and the bad (a 22-6 second half). Perhaps they need to not get comfortable with a lead? Finally, Money Ball brings up the rear at 1-3, but they’re going to have a lot of games to play catch up in the next few weeks.

This Week’s Games:

Bullet Club vs Title Shot (+3) – Bullet Club won the first matchup, but will Dubey show up this week for Title Shot? Who will show up for Bullet Club? Expect another close game. BULLET CLUB BY 3, TITLE SHOT BY 3 IF DUBEY SHOWS UP.

Gryffindor vs Money Ball (+3) – Two teams that are fighting to stay out of the bottom of the standings. If Money Ball can keep it close in the first half, history suggests they can pull away in the second. MONEY BALL BY 7

A&A vs Energy Buff (EVEN, TWO GAMES) – This is an interesting scenario! These two teams play each other twice in a row at 1:00 and 2:00. That’s just how things worked out (the games this week were decided by ladder matches, so 3rd place plays 4th place). If there’s one thing that’s tough, its beating a team once. Doing it twice? I see a split happening. A&A BY 8 THEN ENERGY BUFF BY 1

Title Shot vs Money Ball (+7) – Money Ball will struggle to matchup with Title Shot’s girls. I’m not necessarily certain Title Shot needs Dubey for this one. TITLE SHOT BY 6

D3/R1

THE CONTENDERS

All We Do Is Quinn (5-0-1), Frodo Swaggins (3-2-1), 3rd and Schlong (3-2), Peachy Platoon (3-2)

THE ALMOST THERES

Slytherin That End Zone (3-2), Sticky Bandits (2-2)

THE PRETENDERS

Morning Wood (2-4), Ultimate Warriors (0-7)

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 31, Peachy Platoon 25

Frodo Swaggins 32, Ultimate Warriors 26

Peachy Platoon 30, Morning Wood 22

All We Do Is Quinn 28, Morning Wood 6

It’s becoming increasingly clear that Frodo Swaggins is officially a team to be reckoned with for D3/R1. Garrett Beesing and friends find themselves in second place in the division, thanks to an impressive win over Peachy Platoon. AWDIQ is still on top at 5-0-1, and they’re still the class of the division, but a looming matchup with Peachy awaits them this week. Peachy went 1-1 last week, keeping themselves in the thick of the race. 3rd and Schlong was off this past week, but they too have a big game against the Platoon this week. We’re really going to see who’s taking control of the division this week. SITE and Sticky find themselves just outside of contender status. Don’t get me wrong, both teams are good, but they’re missing that extra signature win to really give them a higher tier. Ironically, these two teams meet at 3:00, and both need the win. SITE gets a shot at Frodo Swaggins this week as well, and a victory there could be exactly what they’re going to need. Morning Wood isn’t a bad team, and they’re getting better each week. Heather and Jill show improvement every time they hit the field, which is a big plus for any team. But right now they feel more like a team still putting it together than one who can truly contend. The Ultimate Warriors might be the best 0-7 team in league history. They keep losing games by about one score, and honestly could be ripe for an upset of whoever they play in the playoffs. A couple of bounces go their way this season and they could be 3-4.

This Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon (+6) – Quinn hasn’t lost yet, and a lot of that has to do with their athleticism. In Peachy, they find a team that can match them on that front. This has HIGH Game of the Week potential. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 2

Peachy Platoon vs 3rd and Schlong (EVEN) – 3rd and Schlong is setting out to remind us that they’re the team we should all be talking about in the division. Catching Peachy on the second half of a double header may prove to be great timing. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 3

Frodo Swaggins vs Slytherin That End Zone (+7) – SITE needs a marquee win, Frodo has been cruising since getting Emily Schilling at the deadline. Give me the hot team. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 10

Sticky Bandits vs Morning Wood (+3) – If Sticky is going to make their climb up the standings, they need to win this game. STICKY BANDITS BY 7

Sticky Bandits vs Slytherin That End Zone (EVEN) – Two teams with a lot to prove this week. Both need this win over the other. A bit of a playoff atmosphere at 3:00. STICKY BANDITS BY 1

D4/R2

THE CONTENDERS

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (6-2), End Game (5-1), Hung Buffalo (4-2)

THE ALMOST THERES

No Punt Intended (4-3), GLBS (4-3), Buffalo Solar Solutions (3-3), Indecent Exposure (3-3)

THE PRETENDERS

Puckett All-Stars (1-5), Full Throttle (1-5)

THE RELEGATED

Cobblestone (0-5)

Last Week’s Games:

End Game 43, Buffalo Solar Solutions 22

Indecent Exposure 53, Full Throttle 12

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 39, Puckett All-Stars 20

No Punt Intended 50, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 43

GLBS 26, Hung Buffalo 8

No Punt Intended 33, GLBS 13

Joking aside, Uncle Rico’s looks to be on a collision course with End Game for the championship game. They were a brain fart away from being 7-1, but if anything, they learned from last week’s debacle and they’ll be a smarter team going forward. End Game hasn’t lost a step or looked weak all season, and their win against Buffalo Solar cemented the fact that the road to the D4/R2 title goes through them. Hung Buffalo lost against GLBS, sure, but I’m not entirely confident they had their whole team there because of the holiday, so I won’t drop them from “contender” status so quickly. After that, it gets a little murky. No Punt Intended went out and heeded my words. I told them they needed to “prove it” and a pair of wins against Uncle Rico’s and GLBS is a great start, but it doesn’t fully prove it to me. NPI didn’t beat Uncle Rico’s as much as Uncle Rico’s beat themselves, and in the game against GLBS, the Great Lakes QB hurt his knee so Glenn Bird had to step in. Still need a bit more proof they’re for real, but this is a start. Just as GLBS gets going, their QB may be injured. Hopefully things weren’t too serious, because they were one of the hottest teams in the TSL. Indecent Exposure hasn’t made a ton of noise recently, but then again, neither does a lion before it pounces on its unsuspecting prey. Watch out for this squad come playoff time. Puckett All-Stars and Full Throttle look to be battling for that final playoff spot, but both teams just aren’t clicking and they may have to consider some philosophy changes on both sides of the ball. Cobblestone has a lot going for them: amazing people, great new girls, sweet jerseys, a surefire hall of fame supermodel quarterback, great attitudes (mostly), but poor results. They’ve only scored 100 points so far, while they’ve allowed 214. Unless they have a miraculous turnaround, it might be better for them to drop to D5/R3 and get their newer players accustomed to the TSL.

This Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended vs Full Throttle (+10) – No Punt Intended appears to have gotten their groove back, but was that just a lot of good luck going their way? Full Throttle appears to be self-destructing, and I’m sure if they can stop the bleeding this season. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 7

Puckett All-Stars vs Cobblestone (+3) – If Cobblestone is going to turn things around, and its not impossible for them to make the playoffs, they need to win this game. Puckett is looking at this game as a must win scenario, and a loss here could stick the final fork into the season. Darryl works his magic. COBBLESTONE BY 2

End Game vs Hung Buffalo (+3) – If you’re doing something at 1:00, stop whatever it is, and go to Field 3. Hung Buffalo and End Game are going to slug it out in what should be one of the day’s best games. End Game is out to prove they’re still the best team in the division, and Hung Buffalo is out to prove them wrong. END GAME BY 3

D5/R3

THE CONTENDERS

Matty’s Angels (6-0), Cunning Stunts (6-1)

THE BEST NON GENDER TEAMS

Ugandan Warriors (4-1), Pink Pteratacos (4-1)

THE EXCITING MIDDLE OF THE PACK

Come From Behind (3-3), vandalay industries (2-3), Hope N Ruin (2-4)

THE NOT EXCITING END OF THE PACK

Five Star Generals (1-5)

THE RELEGATED

HomeTech (0-5), Over Compensators (0-5)

Last Week’s Games:

Matty’s Angels 45, Come From Behind 40

Ugandan Warriors 61, Five Star Generals 6

Cunning Stunts 46, Over Compensators 0

Vandalay Industries 22, HomeTech 15

Ugandan Warriors 27, Hope N Ruin 6

Who run the world? Girls. The Angels have been beating teams handily and have seemed destined to run to the title. Of course, they’ve seemed this way before and have blown it in the playoffs, so there’s always a chance history repeats itself. The Stunts are just as good offensively as the Angels, but they’ve been playing better defense. I can’t wait for these two teams to collide. Not to be outdone, the Ugandan Warriors have been ON FIRE, dunking on teams. They won their double header with an 88-12 combined score. Blasé has his team looking sharp, and this week’s battle with the Angels is a big one. The Pink Pteratacos have been good as well this season, and their biggest hurdle is themselves. If they can keep a cooler head, and stay focused, they pose a threat to the title as well. Come From Behind, vandalay, and Hope N Ruin are all very similar in that they’re smart, veteran teams that you just can’t sleep on. Any of these teams can beat you if you let them hang around for too long. The Five Star Generals are having an awful go in D5, but they’ve shown some flashes of improvement here and there. And I realize I’m saying that after they lost by 55 points. While I love HomeTech and the Over Compensators, both of these teams feel like they’d be better served “figuring it out” in D6/R4. That’s not meant to be a slight, for the record.

This Week’s Games:

Matty’s Angels vs Ugandan Warriors (+8) – The Angels vs Ace rivalry was one of the league’s fiercest for a second there in the TSL. Ugandan is essentially the Super Shredder version of Ace, and both teams want nothing more than to beat the other here. There’s more at stake here than just a football game. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 3

Five Star Generals vs Over Compensators (+3) – Both teams are feeling pretty low after last week. There’s no doubt in my mind both team’s group chats are saying the same things. “This is our week!”, “We have to win this game!”, “What field are we on again?”, etc. FIVE STAR GENERALS BY 10

Hope N Ruin vs HomeTech (+7) – Hope N Ruin is gearing up for another “Hey we didn’t see that happening!” playoff run. HomeTech is just hoping to score more than 1 point. HOPE N RUIN BY 7

Vandalay Industries vs Over Compensators (+7) – For what it’s worth, if the OC was going to go 2-0 in a week, this could be it. Team Topper Lite has struggled a bit at times and they tend to play to their competition more often than not. I just don’t see anything from the OC that says they can do it. VANDALAY INDUSTRIES BY 9

Pink Pteratacos vs Come From Behind (+3) – I just told everyone not to sleep on Come From Behind. For as intense as Mark can be, I think he knows that too, and he’s telling his team the same stuff. I think this will be a lowkey fun game to watch, and people should be talking about it at the bar afterwards. If the Pteratacos are for real, they need this one. PINK PTERATACOS BY 1

D6/R4

THE CONTENDERS

Jabronies (4-0), Practice Squad (4-0)

THE ALMOST THERES

The Bambs (2-3), TMA (2-3)

THE PRETENDERS

pAssless Chaps (1-4), The Bi-Polar Express (1-4)

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 34, TMA 6

Jabronies 41, The Bambs 27

pAssless Chaps 18, The Bi-Polar Express 0

The Bi-Polar Express 18, The Bambs 0

This division is shaping up to be a Jabronies – Practice Squad final. They’ve separated themselves from the pack, and have proven to be the top two teams in the division for sure. And on top of it all, we get a bonafide slobberknocker doubleheader this week! The race for D6/R4 supremacy is ON, and its going to be on Field 4 at Noon and again at 2:00. The Bambs and TMA are too inconsistent to be able to be placed in the same tier as the contenders. Once they find their groove though, they can absolutely compete. pAssless Chaps finally played a good game for its entirety and they were rewarded with their first victory of the season. The Bi-Polar Express proved their name, losing 18-0 before winning 18-0. The girls are improving though (Remember the name Sarah Palazza), and as long as Gordon’s foot doesn’t fall off (word is that he made a request with the league to have Tommy Hughes play for him if it does) they can continue to be a tough out for any team in the division.

This Week’s Games:

Jabronies vs Practice Squad (EVEN, DOUBLEHEADER) – The scheduling gods were kind to us for this week. I think we’ll see two amazing games, but in the end, I think we’ll see one team go to 6-0. JABRONIES BY 3 AND JABRONIES BY 7

The Bambs vs TMA (+3) – The Bambs aren’t thrilled with last week’s 0-2 record, though word is they were incredibly shorthanded. TMA’s roller coaster of an existence took a downturn last week, but historically that means it’ll be on the up and up this time around. TMA BY 6

pAssless Chaps vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – These two teams JUST played each other. BPX didn’t look too great last time, but that should make them hungry for this one. Can the chaps put together two solid efforts in a row? PASSLESS CHAPS BY 1

TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – TMA had a fantastic defensive plan for BPE last time these two met and rolled to a victory. This one should be closer but expect TMA to pull it out. TMA BY 7

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Will Dubey show up? Title Shot is clearly a better team with him than without him.

2.      Are people staying at the bar anymore? Reports have said it’s a ghost town around 6:00, unless we’re getting kicked out for a “private party”, then it’s earlier.

3.      Will Public Enemy finally lose? The return of Bobby McConnell combined with how off PE has seemed lately is making me think yes.

4.      Why is YOUR team the next team I should be talking about? Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me why.

5.      Will we ever have DJ’s at the fields again? It’d be nice to have them rocking some tunes for everyone instead of other people’s speakers blaring Pandora radio commercials.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      The path for a day of excellent games is as follows: 10:00 – Stand between Field 2 and 3 for All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon and Matty’s Angels vs Ugandan Warriors. 11:00 – Field 2 for Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown. 12:00 – Field 4 for Jabronies vs Practice Squad Part 1. 1:00 – Field 3 for Hung Buffalo vs End Game. 2:00 – Field 2 for Energy Buff vs A&A Part 2. 3:00 – Field 1 for Sticky Bandits vs Slytherin That End Zone

2.      Breakfast Club predictions: Emc Hammertime 27 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 20, Schilling Em Softly 38 – Bern Them All 35, Hot TaMolly’s 28 – Natural Born Kellers 24.

3.      Dave Wilbern not wearing a shirt is just not fair to the rest of the league.

4.      Sadly, we have to postpone our spring party, which was being known as “Lenny Day” until June 15^th. The Singing barbershop quartet couldn’t commit to this weekend.

5.      As games get more intense with playoffs approaching, its time for my friendly reminder for everyone to REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A GAME AND TO NOT BE JERKS TO EACH OTHER.

6.      My Game of the Week is going to be All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon. I can’t wait to see the results from that one.

7.      I must say, it’s a lot of fun to finally be on the other side of the “Who writes the article??” mystery when it comes to The Sentinel and the QB Rankings. I think I know who they are. No, I’m not telling.

8.      It was awesome to hear that the Neff family came around this past week. They’re awesome people, and league royalty.

9.      I miss the days people could bring dogs to the fields. Perhaps we can get a gated portion and make a TSL dog park? That’d be something.

10.   I’ll say it again, PLEASE don’t bring your own alcohol to the fields. It’s such a bad look for our entire league when people do it. Be respectful.

The league is entering the homestretch and it looks like its going to be a riot. Good luck to everyone and be safe out there. And wear sunscreen.

Week 7 Thoughts, Picks & Advice

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 07 June 2019 12:49

Published: Friday, 07 June 2019 12:49

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4038

It was supposed to be a nice, easy Saturday for me.

The winds were light, about 5 MPH, coming from the southwest. Things are little wet, but the temperature was in the 70s. I had absolutely nothing going on in Des Moines, Iowa for once. My life is busy you know, there’s more to it than just being the World’s Greatest Social Co-Ed Football Writer. I was going to have a nice, quiet “Me” Day. I fired up the smoker with my Hickory wood chunks, and got ready to slow cook a nice rack of ribs while I just relaxed.

And then, my phone went off. “No big deal” I thought, and I ignored it. And then another one. And another one. Before I knew it, my phone was lighting up non-stop. And why? Well, a lot of my friends at the TSL were informing me of a “happening” that was taking place. The way my phone reacted you’d have thought Lenny Alba had shown up to the fields and was passing out the thousands of friendship bracelets he’d been working on “this whole time”.

But no! Instead, we had a fight. A freaking fight. I received MULTIPLE accounts of the situation. I was fired up, and I wanted to just fly to Buffalo to smack the sense into some people. I still do, to a degree. But its later in the week now, and suspensions have been handed out. Good on Topper for showing the league that regardless of what you think you know, its never okay to abuse the officials.

No, I don’t know if the ‘Wet Bandit’ (not to be confused with Sticky) spit in our ref’s face on purpose or if it was just spray from his gums flapping 3 inches away. But here’s what I DO know: If you’re going to be that much of a jerk that you have to be IN A REF’S FACE SCREAMING DURING A SOCIAL CO-ED FOOTBALL LEAGUE GAME THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FOR FUN, you need to re-evaluate your life. If you’re going to get that close to someone to yell and be that much of a jerk that a person thought you DID spit on them, and you get beat up for it? You need to re-evaluate your life. If, after the fact, a good chunk of my messages were from other refs sharing their experiences and letting me know other times you were a jerk on the field and they had to warn you to calm down, kick you off the field for the series, or anything else? YOU NEED TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR LIFE. There’s a reason TMA, probably the BEST group of people in the TSL on one team (Seriously, look at this roster of beauties: Ferger, Brent, Web, Drunk Meg, the other Val, the other other Bernal, There’s that Rich guy that’s super cool but people don’t even know him, I’m going to ignore saying Prim or Rameer here because it doesn’t fully support my narrative, and there’s like 15 other cool people on their roster that show up every week) kicked you off of their team, and it was all about your on field attitude. It’s GARBAGE, and if you think anyone feels sorry for you outside of the Ugandan Warriors locker room: They don’t. Re-evaluate your life.

I’m not using his name because he doesn’t deserve the press. But, in fairness, I will say that I did get messages about him being a really good guy off the field, and they’re from sources I trust. So I guess you need to re-evaluate your on field persona. There’s a problem when a league of 600+ amazing human beings who treat each other (mostly) like family universally kind of go “Oh it was him? Well, I’m not surprised.” This isn’t the place for that attitude. You have some time to think, so do it.

No, this doesn’t excuse the referee from fighting. He made his mistakes too, and he was punished for his actions as well. But, 100% of the TSLers polled about this scenario all agreed that if someone was screaming in their face and they thought said person spit on them, well, they’d do the exact same thing. The situation NEVER should’ve gotten to that point. Again, its NEVER okay for any TSLer to get up in a ref’s face and SCREAM at them. Our referees donate part of their Saturdays to make sure that we continue to have the best league in WNY, and they don’t have to be there. It isn’t just a case of “we can find more refs easily” either. Rameer works hard to set up that schedule, and he has to re-do it twice weekly it seems. It isn’t as easy as you think. Just because you give them $20 doesn’t mean they work for you. Treat them with respect. (Except for Garbacz. Do what you want with that guy.)

With that out of the way, WELCOME TO WEEK 7 OF THE TSL SPRING 2019 SEASON!

There’s actually some exciting stuff happening in the league this time around! I’m going to give a shout out right now to an email I received from one of my informants that he (or she) forwarded to me with some super exciting news:

The Ultimate Warriors have made the switch. Starting at QB will be Samantha Lattuca, the Icebox, the face of the franchise no matter what their name has been. This is huge news! I love it! Straight from the mouth (hands?) of her husband T, “2 weeks ago she came in at halftime down 18 and tied the game. If she would’ve started we would’ve won as the other QB (myself) threw 3 bad picks that turned into scores.” This is fun stuff. He would also go on to point out that the other QB (named “Shane”) is the Ultimate Warriors’ fastest receiver and immediately gives Sam her best weapon. Yes, the Ultimate Warriors are 0-7. It hasn’t been the greatest season in terms of record, but they’ve still kept games close. On the other side of the field? All We Do Is Quinn. Well, nothing like trial by fire I guess! As of now, this is a first round playoff matchup. The Warriors could catch Morning Wood with two wins by season’s end, but I don’t think they will. Quinn could bomb out and lose first place, but I don’t think they will. So here’s hoping Sam can figure out the Quinn defenses and maybe even pull off the upset. If not here, maybe in the playoffs? We can only hope! Good luck Sam, I think everyone will be rooting for you!

The D1/D2 (C1/C2) crossover games start this week! Topper, in an effort to give teams someone else to play (those 6 team divisions can get a repetitive schedule wise), created this week to give these teams some fun. It’s also a nice way to show if the gap between the divisions is as wide as some of these scared-y cats in D2/C2 act like it is. Should be a fun litmus test for sure.

We’re getting closer and closer to the playoffs and every game counts. Who’s going to step it up in Week 7?

My normal games format isn’t really going to work for the crossover games, and I can’t really make official lines and predictions. But I’ll make the prediction that C2 teams will win at LEAST two of the games. But which ones? Let’s see: 

Public Enemy vs Bullet Club – Two teams of a lot of friends (and some maybe not so friends) come together to play a game that will absolutely have a lot of trash talking, drinking, hugs, and thoughts about Lenny. This game was originally supposed to be more for fun (I think there was talk about having a Tommy Hughes vs Gordon at QB matchup) but the Public Enemy 17 game winning streak has added a bit more spice to it. PE doesn’t want to lose the streak, and there’s nothing BC would like more than to be the ones that did it. Low chance to be the D2 upset here.

Tight Ends in Motion vs A&A – A very fun matchup between Emily Curry and Matty Ice is on the docket here as TEIM and A&A face off in what could be a close matchup if A&A actually gets their full roster to show up. Word is that JZ still won’t be available for A&A, so that actually helps them in this game. If Matty can solve the TEIM defense a few times, look out. Good chance for a D2 upset.

Marketing Mayors vs Money Ball – Electric Blue vs More Electric Pink. Wear your sunglasses if you’re going to watch this one. Money Ball has a 2-4 record in C2 and they got the unlucky draw of having to play the Mayors. We aren’t sure if the “Have Scott Pinto throw the ball as far as he can so Radon can go get it” offense is going to work as well against names like “Andy Smith”, but hey lets see how it goes. Low chance for the D2 upset.

1 Todd Too Many vs Energy Buff – The biggest question is going to be which team will NOT wear grey? Team Topper has fallen on hard times, but a game against Energy Buff could be what the doctor ordered. While EB has been much better as of late, with QB Tommy getting rid of his sleeves and figuring out the TSL game, that doesn’t mean they’ll run right by 1TTM. High chance for the D2 upset.

Eyes Downtown vs Title Shot – Eyes Downtown has Bobby back and is rolling. Title Shot was missing some people last week and it cost them, even with Dubey showing up. I know ED is fuming over their missed opportunity to break the PE streak last week, and I can’t see them losing against a Title Shot team that seems to be out of sorts last weekend. Low chance for the D2 upset.

#XTC@Angry Buffalo vs Gryffindor – These two squads have been both playing some good football as of late, and I think we may actually see a very competitive game here. Gryffindor was almost called up to D1/C1 before the season and #XTC@AB was almost sent down to D2/C2. It’s going to be fun to see this game, and it might be the best one of the bunch. Good chance for the D2 upset.

If I’m getting my prediction right of two D2/C2 wins, my best bets are probably the Gryffindor/Energy Buff parlay. I can still get decent odds on it.

D1/C1:

Last Week’s Scores:

Public Enemy 34, Eyes Downtown 25

Marketing Mayors 21, Tight Ends In Motion 12

#XTC@Angry Buffalo 22, 1 Todd Too Many 16

The Ladder Match positional round didn’t give us any upsets here, but we did get three close games. Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown actually gave us THE GAME we were hoping for a few weeks ago, but it makes sense that Bobby’s return was the catalyst for the whining, complaining, hard playing game from both of these teams. Marketing Mayors was having some trouble solving that great defense of TEIM, but Tight Ends struggled to move the ball and score and that’s going to be their biggest problem come playoff time. #XTC@AB has been improving weekly, and it shows, but their only wins have come against Team Topper. Team Topper, meanwhile, has been playing some close games but they just can’t quite figure out how to finish them off with a win. I don’t forsee the playoff standings looking too much different than they do now. The most interesting race is going to be who gets the second bye week for the playoffs: Marketing Mayors or Eyes Downtown? Funny we should say that…

Eyes Downtown vs Marketing Mayors (+3) – Let’s find out! This game is pretty big as I just mentioned for these two teams and their playoff spot. The winner will be in the driver’s seat to get the bye in the playoffs, while the loser is on track to play Topper in the first round. Maybe there are no losers here? This should be an excellent game. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

D2/C2:

Last Week’s Games:

Bullet Club 40, Title Shot 14

Gryffindor 32, Money Ball 14

A&A 27, Energy Buff 20

Money Ball 43, Title Shot 27

Energy Buff 30, A&A 23

It was a rough week for Title Shot, as they lost games to the division leaders and the last place team. Dubey was there, but they were missing people for both games (and they weren’t the same people either). The Energy Buff-A&A doubleheader gave us two close games where I wasn’t surprised to see these two split. Energy Buff is really coming on at the right time before the playoffs. I’m going to keep saying that until they fall apart. I believe in them! Money Ball is starting to live and die by the long ball. Yes, Radon is fast and talented and handsome. I get throwing deep to him a lot is alluring. But you’re not going to win in the playoffs by doing that stuff constantly. Bullet Club continued to hold the division lead by blowing out Title Shot, but they aren’t without their issues. They’re mostly roster related of course, and the lack of continuity week to week has yet to have them put together a complete game. Gryffindor is really finding their groove as well. They aren’t just winning, they’re scoring a lot. They’re peaking at just the right time, and Joey Batts is one of the hottest QBs in the league right now. This division is honestly up for grabs when it comes to the playoff byes. Bullet Club and A&A have them currently, but one slip up can really hurt any team’s chances. Every game in this division is a big one.

D3/R1:

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 35, All We Do Is Quinn 24

3^rd and Schlong 36, Peachy Platoon 34

Slytherin That End Zone 46, Frodo Swaggins 36

Sticky Bandits 32, Morning Wood 30

Slytherin That End Zone 27, Sticky Bandits 16

So what we’ve essentially learned is that we know nothing at all, except that Morning Wood is a continual disappointment and Dave deserves better. Peachy vs Quinn was everything we wanted it to be and more: entertaining for sure, close game, big plays. There was a nice contingent of fans on hand for this one as well. The main reason Peachy won this game is because their tall guy with long hair and a headband was better than Quinn’s. These types of things win football games. So Peachy established division dominance for about an hour, and then 3^rd and Schlong came along and reminded the TSL just exactly who the hell they are. Yes, Peachy just played their most emotionally exhausting game of the season and 3AS took advantage of it, but they showed they’re in the thick of things. Oh hold on, who the hell is 5-2? Oh, its SITE. SITE had the biggest weekend of all these teams last week, quieting the doubters with an impressive win over Frodo Swaggins, and then sticking the proverbial fork in Sticky Bandits at 3:00. All of a sudden, SITE and 3AS are our two hottest teams in the division, but after Saturday, who the hell knows anymore?

All We Do Is Quinn vs Ultimate Warriors (+10) – Yes, Sam is playing QB. But she’s playing a team that just tasted defeat for the first time and they’re going to be focused to get back on the winning track. The people’s choice is for the upset, but I don’t see it. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13

Slytherin That End Zone vs Morning Wood (+7) – SITE is very hot, and MW is very not right now. Historically, that means that Morning Wood should win 35-20 somehow. However SITE is playing with a chip on their shoulder, and they’re not a fluke. SLYTHERIN THAT ENDZONE BY 10

3^rd And Schlong vs Sticky Bandits (+10) – Sticky just isn’t the Sticky we know and love. I’m not sure what the deal is there. 3^rd and Schlong’s mission to win the D3/R1 title that started last Fall has been a forgotten storyline with all of the other things going on in this division. Don’t forget about them. 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 7

Peachy Platoon vs Frodo Swaggins (+6) – Peachy’s biggest problem is that while they can score, they still struggle on defense. If they ever figure that part of the game out, look out world. The problem with Frodo is that while they can score, they struggle mightily on defense. Oh boy. Two good offenses vs Two not so good defenses. The Over/Under is 60.5. Take the over. PEACHY PLATOON BY 3

D4/R2

Last Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended 39, Full Throttle 38

Cobblestone 37, Puckett All-Stars 36

End Game 43, Hung Buffalo 8

Two amazing games, and one rude awakening for Hung Buffalo. That’s what we saw in D4/R2 action last week. NPI continued their hot streak, but they ESCAPED Full Throttle, who gave it their best shot for sure. Multiple reports came in about “they had this one girl who was open in the end zone all of the time. She seems like a future star!”. Good work unnamed girl I don’t know! Maybe Lou or Luke can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me who she is. Cobblestone won! They played Puckett hard and they ended up getting a late go ahead score. Darryl’s magic is increasing, and Cobblestone is now in the playoffs instead of being on the outside looking in. Great to see that. End Game, we see you. You did what you’ve been doing all season and you smacked down another would be challenger to your divisional dominance. End Game’s defense is disgusting, and they may just walk to the championship without allowing any points. Seriously, take a look at the QB Power Rankings article. It has lots of awesome graphs and charts that show End Game is blowing away the competition. Uncle Rico’s either had the week off, or they just quit the league altogether after blowing that NPI game a few weeks ago. Just kidding, their wounds are properly healed and I expect them to come out in full force. There’s going to be a lot of positioning for playoffs in these next two weeks. I can’t even fathom how it’ll shake out.

Cobblestone vs Full Throttle (+1) – I had to make Cobblestone the favorite! They’re fresh off a big win and Full Throttle is fresh off another heartbreaking loss. This game means EVERYTHING for the playoffs. It’s essentially a playoff game. The winner is more than likely in, the loser is more than likely out. COBBLESTONE BY 3

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Hung Buffalo (EVEN) – I don’t know what happened to Hung Buffalo last week. I don’t know what’s happened to BSS the last few weeks. What I do know is that both of these teams really need this win. These two teams are both very similar in points scores, points allowed, and record. While they’ll both make the playoffs, they both need to get themselves on the right track and it’ll be fun to see who does it. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 1

GLBS vs Cobblestone (+8) – As awesome as Cobblestone’s win was last week, reality will come back to haunt them here. GLBS may be a bit out of sorts but hopefully the week off had them reset. What I do know is that Cobblestone struggles to score, and GLBS doesn’t allow anyone to score. Might be a tough game for Darryl. GLBS BY 14

Indecent Exposure vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – IE was off last weekend, while Puckett was on the receiving end of a finishing blow from Cobblestone. Puckett might just be running for the bus to get this season overwith. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 7

Hung Buffalo vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – Same as the game above, but this time Hung Buffalo is here with a little more urgency to win after losing last week. I’m sorry Puckett. HUNG BUFFALO BY 13

End Game vs Indecent Exposure (+8) – Here’s a fun game! Indecent Exposure gets their chance to see how they measure up to the best team in the division. IE is smart enough on offense to be able to solve the defense that End Game has been giving teams, but will they be able to force a turnover or two to pull it out? I think it’ll be close, but ultimately End Game prevails. END GAME BY 3

D5/R3:

Last Week’s Games:

HomeTech 33, Hope N Ruin 26

Matty’s Angels 51, Ugandan Warriors 43

Over Compensators 28, Five Star Generals 24

Vandalay Industries 32, Over Compensators 26

Come From Behind 24, Pink Pteratacos 14

The big one, of course, is how Matty’s Angels defeated Ugandan Warriors in a very good matchup. Matty’s scored the go ahead touchdown with about 28 seconds left (depending on who you ask anyway) to break the tie, and stay undefeated in the division. Come From Behind got a nice win against the Pteratacos that pulled them even with PP for some playoff positioning. Vandalay also kept pace with their win over the OC. The mid-tier teams in this division are very close. HomeTech wins! HomeTech Wins! They upset Hope N Ruin, who is just having a terrible season for their own standards. The win move HT into the playoffs, leaving the Over Compensators and the team they just defeated for their own first win, the Five Star Generals, on the outside looking in. There’s still lots of changes to be had in D5, including at the top….

Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels (+3) – That’s right, I said it. Matty’s may be undefeated, but as of right now they aren’t the hottest gender team in the TSL. That belongs to the Cunning Stunts, who have been on a tear lately. Field 4 is the place to be at 10am, as these two teams do battle for the D5 division lead. Both teams can score, but here’s the dirty little secret for Matty’s: They can’t stop anyone. They’re 8^th in defense in the division. This is another game to take the over.  CUNNING STUNTS BY 5

HomeTech vs Over Compensators (+3) – That’s right HomeTech! You win and you get favored in a game. This is essentially a playoff matchup, since the loser will more than likely be unable to catch the winner in the standings. I know the OC just won as well, but they did it against a pretty lost Five Star team. HOMETECH BY 7

Come From Behind vs Hope N Ruin (+8) – Hope N Ruin is a lot more Ruin than anything this season. Come From Behind won’t have to do so in this matchup. COME FROM BEHIND BY 10

Ugandan Warriors vs Vandalay Industries (+10) – Vandalay is a very solid team, but let’s face it: Ugandan is pissed they lost the rivalry matchup with the Angels and there’s a lot more that has them fired up at Team Topper Lite. I’m betting the Warriors go for 70 points alone. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 14

Cunning Stunts vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) – While the Pteratacos are having a good first season together, they’re just outside of the upper tier of D5. The Stunts, as we’ve said earlier, are that upper tier. Either the Stunts will be pumped from their win over Matty’s Angels, or they’ll be looking for revenge. CUNNING STUNTS BY 8

Ugandan Warriors vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) – Big, tough week to be a Pterataco fan. Facing two of the upper tier teams in a doubleheader with no rest should not make for a fun day. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 10

Vandalay Industries vs Five Star Generals (+10) – Five Star needs this win to stay alive in the playoff hunt, but nothing they’re doing recently shows that they can achieve a win against, well, anyone at this point. VANDALAY INDUSTRIES BY 4

D6/R4:

Last Week’s Games:

The Bambs 44, TMA 44

Jabronies 36, Practice Squad 16

Practice Squad 50, Jabronies 24

The Bi-Polar Express 50, pAssless Chaps 0

TMA 30, The Bi-Polar Express 17

Here’s what we learned this week in D6: NOTHING! Okay, we already knew that this has become a two horse race with Jabronies and Practice Squad. And what did that doubleheader show us? Nothing. The top tier of D6 teams (who should both look forward to D5 next season) split this doubleheader 1-1. Jabronies won by 20, and then Practice Squad won by 26. I have no idea who was/wasn’t there, but I can say that the D6 title game looks interesting. TMA went 1-0-1 on the weekend, but really shouldn’t have. The Bambs had only 5 players on the field due to a severe female shortage. They were winning the game rather easily for the most part as reporters have told me that “The one shaved head guy who was better than the other shaved head guy was killing it.”. And then tragedy struck, as Brooke, the only girl The Bambs had, broke her ankle. The Bambs were going to be forced to forfeit the game they were winning, and instead Ferger was a nice guy and suggested a tie. They didn’t want to win that way, and The Bambs pretty much were going to win if that didn’t happen. Solid move. Finally, The Bi-Polar Express showed up in a big way this weekend, avenging their 18-0 loss to the Chaps with a 50-0 win of their own a week later. However, girl shortages in the TMA game came into play (That’s the downside to having 3 girls from TMA on your gender team when you have to play them in your division) and they dropped a close one. It’s pretty clear who’s getting the bye in the playoffs, but where everyone else ends up is still in the air.

The Bambs vs pAssless Chaps (+8) – The Bambs have been sliding as of late, but that seems to be more due to a lot of attendance issues more than anything. There’s nothing like a game against the Chaps to cure what ails you though. THE BAMBS BY 10

Practice Squad vs pAssless Chaps (+16) – This might be the highest line I’ve ever given, but right now PS is on a roll and they’d love to keep pace with the Jabronies for the regular season crown. Not trying to hurt the Chaps’ feelings, but they’re in a rebuild right now with Coach Jay, and it’s going to take a little more time to really get it together. Have faith. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 13

The Bambs vs The Bi-Polar Express (+3) – I know, The Bambs just lost two weeks ago to BPX, and they’re on the downswing while BPX is playing some of their best football in team history. However, I still feel The Bambs have been shorthanded, and if the whole team shows up, I think they’ll look more like The Bambs from the first three weeks as compared to the last three weeks. THE BAMBS BY 7

Jabronies vs TMA (+10) – TMA struggled against a team with 5 people. They need to really figure things out, and a game against the Jabronies isn’t the best way to go about that. However, TMA DOES have an outside shot at the bye week still, and beating the Jabronies is necessary for that to happen. JABRONIES BY 7

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      How will the Ugandan Warriors respond after all of the ugliness that took place last week? Regardless of what happened, the Warriors need to recognize that they have a VERY good shot at the D5 title, and if they keep their focus, they’ll still be a force to be reckoned with.

2.      Will the D2/C2 teams get embarrassed by the D1/C1 teams? My magic 8-Ball says “No.” Watch for close games across the board, with perhaps only a blowout coming in the Marketing Mayors/Money Ball game. Like I said, at least TWO D2 teams are going to walk away with victories this week.

3.      Did you know about the TSL Universal Sub List? There were too many teams in need of a player this week that just completely ignored the Sub List. It’s literally there to make sure teams don’t play shorthanded! Rameer and Joe K cleaned up the USL this week and added a few more names to it to help out. Check it out.

4.      Who will win the Topper Wheel of Hope Spin? There’s some new rules for the wheel, which are as follows: We will no longer “spin until there’s a winner”. We will spin 5 times, and if there’s no winner, the money transfers over to the next week. There wasn’t a winner last Saturday, so this week’s bar tab is up to $100. There’s also some REALLY cool prizes coming to a Wheel of Hope near you.

5.      Who’s going to the East Aurora Music Festival? One thing I’ve been told is how much the league has been hanging out together after games, but not at the Rose Garden. People have gone out on Elmwood, to Hertel, to parties, etc. Its been pretty cool to hear. This week’s adventure has a lot of the TSL going to East Aurora for a fun time. If you go, let me know how it was!

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      I think the word is out that if you’re going to do anything stupid in terms of abusing the officials, you’re going to get in trouble. I’ll repeat this: They don’t HAVE to do this job. They do it because they love you/this league. Be civil.

2.      I have to give the shout out to Peanut Butter Kelly Time for winning their first game of the Breakfast Club season! Congrats! Predictions this week: Natural Born Kellers 27 - EmC HammerTime 26, Hot TaMolly’s 37 – Bern Them All 31, Schilling ‘Em Softly 34 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 22.

3.      Congratulations are in order for the Brunettes! They had a huge 68-24(ish) win against the Blondes in the 10^th annual Rivalz game to raise money for Alzheimer’s awareness. Just please, next year, schedule the game for ANY time that isn’t during Co-Ed football games. We’d all love to be there, I’m sure. And you’d raise more money with a cool game under the lights or something. Just a suggestion.

4.      What the hell Joey Batts? Topper goes out of his way to give your daughter a signed pair of championship cleats (something she’ll never get from her father, whoever he is) and you throw them back in his face? Come on man.

5.      I’m giving extreme credit to the QB Power Rankings article writers. (There’s more than one, believe it or not.) Those charts and graphs on how teams are doing are AMAZING work. Here’s some cool things I’d have never guessed:

a.      The Bi-Polar Express leads D6 in defense.

b.      End Game is MUCH further ahead of D4 then I once thought.

c.       Matty’s Angels is 8^th in D5 defense. I knew they weren’t great, but wow.

d.      Slytherin That End Zone is the best team in D3. Go look.

e.      A&A has the lowest ranked offense, yet the top ranked defense in D2.

f.        Marketing Mayors is secretly the second best team in D1. This week’s game is going rock.

6.      Here’s the best games to watch this week:

10:00 – Field 4 – Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels

11:00 – Field 2 - 1 Todd Too Many vs Energy Buff

12:00 – Field 1 – Marketing Mayors vs Eyes Downtown (Game of the Week)

1:00 – Field 2 – 3^rd and Schlong vs Sticky Bandits

2:00 – Field 2 – Peachy Platoon vs Frodo Swaggins

3:00 – Field 2 – End Game vs Indecent Exposure

               Just camp out at Field 2 it seems.

7.      Some people aren’t too thrilled with my betting lines and odds. Perhaps the QB Power Rankings people can use their fancy maths to come up with the lines for the games somehow? If that’s possible, I’d love to use someone else’s lines. What do you say?

8.      Sign up for the Telegram app, and get chatting with your league mates. Like us on Facebook. Word is we may even be getting our Twitter rocking soon. And rumors of the Joe K TSL Podcast are growing stronger.

9.      Keep your calendars clear August 3^rd! That’s the tentative date for hottest summer tournament: The TSL Wine Tournament! It’s one of the most fun days of the year for everyone, and all you have to do is play football and drink wine. Space is limited so when registration opens, have your team ready!

10.   The Lenny Alba Appreciation Day is June 15^th! Rameer has asked that I spread the word that on the Friday Night before, June 14^th, we’d like to get as many TSLers as we can to the Vue Rooftop Lounge for a night of fun, and we’ll have a big toast to our pal Lenny. His birthday was June 4^th, and we miss him every single day.

Here we are, 5535 words later. I love this league. Wear Sunscreen. Be nice to refs, and each other. But seriously, go out and have some FUN this Saturday. My googling says you guys will have 75 degrees and a GORGEOUS day to play in. Perhaps I’ll fly in to Buffalo for the championship day to see you guys. Maybe not.

And yes, the ribs were delicious.

Week 5, picks, thoughts, insights and stuff..

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Thursday, 23 May 2019 21:45

Published: Thursday, 23 May 2019 21:45

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4291

I’m not entirely sure how, but we’ve made it to the halfway point of the regular season in the Spring 2019 session of the Topper Sports League! So far, so good. We had a couple of “questionable” weather weeks (remember, it snowed Week 1), but for the most part things have been pretty good on and off the field. Lenny would be proud. All of the teams in our league have played between 3-5 games, which means for some teams, they’re going to have to catch up a bit. As the weather gets hotter, its not always a good thing for teams to have doubleheaders later on in the Spring session.

Its Memorial Day weekend here at the TSL, which means two things: 1. Lots of teams won’t be showing up/asked for a bye and 2. The teams that ARE playing most likely will be missing a few players. It happens every single Spring session. And sure enough, those doubleheaders are already coming into play: ELEVEN teams will be playing double headers this week (And there’s only 25 games this time around): Bullet Club, GLBS, Public Enemy, Frodo Swaggins, Peachy Platoon, Morning Wood, Uncle Rico’s, No Punt Intended, The Bi-Polar Express, The Bambs, and Ugandan Warriors all find themselves playing twice this week. It’s a big week that will shake up every division and really separate the contenders from the pretenders.

As much as I love making the predictions, just remember that the lines are based on the teams being at full strength. And really, don’t read so much into it. I love your emails, but please, keep the focus on your players that aren’t getting recognized more than “OMG WTF YOU SAID WE’D LOSE BY 12 AND WE ONLY LOST BY 3 SO HA!” I’ll tell you right now:  Nobody cares.

So, again, keep letting me know who’s a standout on your team and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Onto this week:

D1 (But some people want me to really stress that this is C1):

Public Enemy vs #XTC@AB (+10) – Hey! Nick Sooch shows up, slings the rock, and Coach Jay gets his first victory of the season with a 36-30 victory over Team Topper! Public Enemy, meanwhile, kept the streak going as they snuck by Marketing Mayors 40-32. The biggest hope here is that #XTC can keep up the momentum and catch Public Enemy sleeping on a holiday weekend. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 12

Eyes Downtown vs 1 Todd Too Many (+10) – The Team Topper Train was derailed yet again with a close 36-30 loss to #XTC, followed by Tight Ends in Motion getting some revenge in a 39-6 win. This puts our hero at the bottom of the standings. Granted, 1 Todd was without most of their team, so hopefully they can get the band back together this weekend as they face a rested Eyes Downtown team. I don’t know if Bobby is back yet, or if Chadwick will continue to lead ED. If Topper doesn’t have all of his horses, well, this Memorial Day we’ll be remembering him. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 7

Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion (No Line) – I can’t put a line on this game. First off, there’s still a brooding rivalry here between general loud mouth (Non Award Winning) Tommy Hughes and like, all of Tight Ends. Secondly, I don’t know who’s throwing for TEIM, as Ricky Austin lead them to a 39 – 6 win over 1 Todd Too Many in a “I can’t believe Topper beat us Week 1” revenge game. That gives TEIM a three headed QB monster between Alex, Ricky, and Seth. I think Seth gives them the best chance to beat Public Enemy, but who knows if he’s available. Expect some fireworks in this one. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 2.

D2 (Although my lawyers say that I have to acknowledge this is also C2):

Bullet Club vs Gryffindor (+3) – Gryffindor got into the winning mood this weekend after beating Money Ball 43-34 before losing later on to Energy Buff 40-28. Bullet Club ended up losing to the same Money Ball team 34-23, but word is that they “softened them up” for Gryffindor beforehand. Bullet Club has yet again shown that attendance issues are a problem, as they could only trot out Travis, Joe K, Todd, and Paul Nieman to go along with their girls. If they don’t start getting people to the games, a promising season could be ending poorly. These two teams have had some memorable battles over the years, and this weekend looks to be no different. BULLET CLUB BY 4

Bullet Club vs A&A (EVEN) – The Gordon Kus vs Matty Ice saga will write its next chapter as the two biggest non-female ‘frienemies” in the league go head to head. Will Gordon just show up to this game with a red shirt on? Will both do that weird “be overly nice to each other” thing? Who will show up for A&A? I have to assume they’ll have a packed roster for this rivalry game. Matty Ice is fresh off of his Italian vacation, and he’s recharged. This should be a barnburner. Take the over. A&A BY 3.

Title Shot vs Energy Buff (+7) – Title Shot was off last week, so it’s hard to really talk about how well they’re playing. This team of “The Ghosts of TSL Past” are out here scaring the pants off the competition. We last saw them lose a game, but that was without Dubey, who apparently only signs a 5 game per season contract. TS is still on top of the division, which is right where Energy Buff wants them. EB was the preseason favorite to win this division, but fell on some hard times to start the year. They got it together this weekend, beating Gryffindor 40-28. If they’re going to do well in D2 (C2), they had to go out and beat the weakest team in the division. They did just that. Now they have their sights set on the top of the mountain. I’m not sure they’re ready for them just yet. TITLE SHOT BY 8

D3 (However our corporate sponsors consider this R1):

Peachy Platoon vs Frodo Swaggins (+7) – I give you some of the best “Game of the Day” potential here, provided both teams all show up. Peachy has been torching the division since the Week 1 hiccup, and they’re coming off of a bye last week. Frodo Swaggins had the full crew in tow last week: Garrett, Nick, Josh, Tammy, and new signee Emily 2.0. Frodo walked up to 3^rd and Schlong last week, and slapped them in the teeth. They walked away with a relatively easy 48-35 victory that left 3AS looking for answers. These two teams both need a big win. If you’re not doing anything at 10:00, walk over to Field 3 and watch this one. PEACHY PLATOON BY 4

Frodo Swaggins vs Ultimate Warriors (+14) – Its just not a good year for the Warriors. They’re already sitting at 0-6, and 0-7 is staring them in the face. They hung tough with Quinn this week, losing 31-25. They’re getting it together late in the season, and that will make them a team you don’t want to play come playoff time. With Frodo focused on Peachy, look out for an upset here. ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 1.

Peachy Platoon vs Morning Wood (+7) – Morning Wood showed some fight this week in a 27-16 loss to SITE. Word is that they apparently only played with 5 players, and for them not to lose by that much in this type of game is impressive. Mo Saleh and Dave look pretty good in red (we have ANOTHER red team everyone), and that’s a loss you can rally the troops around. They’re going to need everyone to show up with week as the division’s hottest team is coming to play. PEACHY PLATOON BY 10

All We Do Is Quinn vs Morning Wood (+10) – This might be the worst case scenario for ANY team in D3(R1): a double header, with no break in between, against Peachy Platoon and then All We Do Is Quinn. I don’t care how good of an athlete you think you are, you’re going to be DEAD TIRED after running with these squads for two hours. Quinn continued to do Quinn things this week, getting by the Ultimate Warriors 31-25. They tend to play better later in the day anyway. I feel bad for Morning Wood this week. That’s a rough draw. I can’t see them being energized enough to play through two hours of this madness. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 14

D4 (But a court order from the State of Iowa tells me I must acknowledge this is also R2):

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs End Game (Even) – Well, what a difference a week makes. BSS was on fire in their division and were really looking like they were the favorites to win the title. Then they ran into Uncle Rico’s and lost 48-38. Okay, it was a good game and BSS was a little off. But then they ran into GLBS and lost again, 46-25. I don’t know if they were shaken up from the first loss, but if you’re going to contend for this title, you need to win one of those two. End Game is still reeling from losing Emily Schilling, and the fact that it appears they’re not thrilled that the guys on the team don’t get enough publicity on the site. Until someone learns who the hell any male on that team is, they’ll continue to seem like they only stars on the team are the girls. Why? Because they ARE. End Game did win last week, 23-12 against Full Throttle, winning a game they should’ve won. This game is huge for both sides, as both could definitely use the high profile win. Right now, I think End Game is hungier to prove they’re more than just a bunch of talented girls. END GAME BY 8

Indecent Exposure vs Full Throttle (+4) – Full Throttle always feels like they’re on the edge of breaking out in this division, and then before you know it they blow a game they really needed. They had two shots at a signature win, but the 23-12 loss to End Game and the 35-16 loss to Hung Buffalo prove that they have some work to do if they’re to be considered “in the hunt” for the title. Enter Indecent Exposure, a staple of the TSL that had some trouble of their own last week in the form of a 35-12 loss to GLBS. This game is big for both teams, as a loss by either could put them on the outside looking in of the playoff picture. I think both teams have similar defenses, but Indecent Exposure boasts a better offense. Look for Josh and company to pull out a win. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 7

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Puckett All-Stars (+14) – Uncle Rico’s is DESPERATE for attention, as though they haven’t already gotten some from me. Well, I definitely have to give them even more attention after last week’s statement win against Buffalo Solar Solutions 48-38. They also went out and did what good teams are supposed to do, and beat Cobblestone 44-24. Uncle Rico’s find themselves at 5-1 in the division, sitting at the top of what is our most competitive division. Granted, they played one more game than Hung Buffalo and End Game, who are right on their heels. Puckett All-Stars don’t feel like the team they used to be (which tells me that chances are they aren’t), and their 1-3 record just feels wrong every time I look at it. They were off last week, so here’s hoping they regrouped and are refocused coming into the season’s second half. Catching a potentially too cocky Uncle Rico’s could do wonders for them. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 14

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs No Punt Intended (+10) – File No Punt Intended in the same “not as good as they once were” folder as some of the other teams in this league. Kyle Coniff hasn’t been able to find the answers for his squad just yet, and right now they just feel lukewarm and “just kind of there” in this league. Uncle Rico’s is seriously staring down 7-1 and if they don’t slip up this week, they know they can win the regular season title. Hopefully we’ll get the NPI of old and have an awesome game. But, they have to prove it before I can believe in them again. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 14

Hung Buffalo vs GLBS (EVEN) – Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, if you’re around the fields at 2:00pm this week, get yourself to Field 2 and watch two of the hottest teams in all of the TSL square off against each other. Hung Buffalo is more than “Just a smart veteran team” as they’re putting up points on everyone. I’m sure it’s because everyone is too scared of Kate to actually cover her. She’s still terrifying. Hung Buffalo slapped around the teams you’d expect a title contender to beat, getting by Full Throttle 35-16 and then Cobblestone 26-14. Hung Buffalo looks to be the most dialed in team in the entire TSL right now. Except for GLBS, that is. GLBS took my words to heart it feels, and showed me, and the league, that OH BOY THEY SURE CAN SCORE. Glenn, Rachel, and Jay (they’re the only ones Ive been told about) are doing work, and they earned every bit of their wins against Buffalo Solar Solutions  (46-25) and Indecent Exposure (35-12). GLBS made a statement that they’re a contender last week, and this game is absolutely a “prove it” game for BOTH teams. HUNG BUFFALO BY 1

GLBS vs No Punt Intended (+8) – I already touched on both of these teams. Its going to come down to if NPI can solve the best defense in the division or not. I can’t believe they will yet. GLBS BY 14

D5 (There are Alien Overlords that DEMAND we refer to this as R3 though too):

Matty’s Angels vs Come From Behind (+14) – A week without the Angels and their record setting scoring pace is just a world I don’t want to live in. However, they’re back, and they take on Come From Behind, who lost to the Five Star Generals 42-31 last week. While the Angels boast some of the league’s most fun girls, they still don’t have Molly and Leslie, so they don’t have the top two. As much as we all love CFB, I just can’t imagine they’ll be able to keep up with the speed of the Angels. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 20

Five Star Generals vs Ugandan Warriors (EVEN) – This matchup should be a good one. Both teams average 30 points per game on offense and while the Generals aren’t as good defensively (according to the ALBA metrics) they have some nice momentum on their side, as evidenced in their 42-31 victory against CFB last weekend. The defense got torched by the Stunts in a 52-30 loss however. So its going to depend on how the defense for Five Star works against Ugandan. The Warriors (who are going to have to change their name because this Ugandan Warriors vs Ultimate Warriors thing is so annoying) beat up on the Over Compensators last week, 33-7. Blasé LaDuca has his squad focused, and they should be considered a threat for the title. I need to see a little bit more from them before I think they can stop Matty’s though. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 7

Cunning Stunts vs Over Compensators (+15) – The Stunts got back on track last week, notching wins against Five Star (52-30) and HomeTech (26-1). Joey Batts actually looked like a QB, allegedly, and the girls just rolled to some wins as they try to keep pace in the division. The Over Compensators started out with a bit of promise this season, but its been trending mostly downhill for them. A 33-7 loss to Ugandan dropped them to 0-4, and they’re only scoring 18 points a game, which is the worst in the TSL. The defense isn’t bad, but if you can’t score, you can’t keep up with the Stunts. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

Vandalay Industries vs HomeTech (+11) – I love HomeTech. I always have. I can’t believe Lenny isn’t here, because he may have been the only person to know if HomeTech is the ONLY team to have scored 1 point in a game in TSL history. A 26-1 loss to the Stunts provided that. QB Austin Weber improves weekly, but there’s still a little bit to be done here. Vandalay boasts a roster that would make any Universal Sub List jealous. They’re sitting at 1-3, fresh off a 47-38 loss to Hope N Ruin.  Team Topper Light is full of smart players that know what to do, just sometimes their bodies are unable to actually do it. They’re going to have to win this one if they hope to make any noise this season. HOMETECH BY 3

Ugandan Warriors vs Hope N Ruin (EVEN) – I’m giving the Warriors another game with no line, essentially, because I want them to show me something this week. Hope N Ruin is having an up and down season so far. Currently, they’re on the upswing with a 47-38 win over vandalay. Does that mean they’re due for a downswing this week? I’m going to play the trend here and say yes. Erica needs to get her squad consistent, and fast. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 2

D6 (However, some indigenous peoples call this R4):

Practice Squad vs TMA (+7) – TMA was off last week, so here’s hoping they’ll be keeping with the positive trend they showed us two weeks ago. (Moonshine helps). Practice Squad, well, they were also off last week. They’re sitting at 3-0, and look to boast a better offense and defense than TMA. But TMA’s numbers are skewed from the first two weeks. Bottom line, this game is a preview for what should be a crazy playoff run in the division. Practice Squad, to me, feels like the more consistent team right now. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 4

The Bambs vs Jabronies (EVEN) – Potential championship preview here! Both of these teams were off last week, as was all of the division actually, and it’ll be interesting to see which of these two teams can keep their momentum going. The Bambs did lose to Practice Squad already, but there’s a good chance they learned from that one. Jabronies haven’t had a tough test yet this season. THE BAMBS BY 5

The Bi-Polar Express vs pAssless Chaps (+7) – I can’t really consider the Chaps a favorite in any game just yet. Reports are they look incredibly disjointed and have some work to do (besides Ricky). Coach Jay is doing his best, but it doesn’t seem like his sage words are being heeded. BPX looks to retool after the bye week and if they’re going to get on the winning track, this is it. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 8

The Bambs vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – The Bambs aren’t quite pAssless Chaps here. Look for Bi-Polar to struggle a bit more here than they would an hour earlier. THE BAMBS BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Will it rain? The forecast hasn’t been looking too kind for everyone in the Buffalo area.

2.      What teams will take control of their divisions? Big weeks are in store for Uncle Rico’s, GLBS, Peachy Platoon, and Bullet Club. Whether it’s a good big week or the bad big week remain to be seen.

3.      WHY DID TOPPER UPDATE THE WHEEL OF HOPE TO NOT SPIN IT?!?!?!!?

4.      WHERE’S THE PODCAST JOE K?

5.      Who has the best jerseys in the league? The answer is simple: Cobblestone. They unveiled some amazing Lenny jerseys this week that deserve to be in some art museum.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Can the Ugandan Warriors and the Ultimate Warriors PLEASE play a game where the loser of the contest has to change their name? It’s causing scheduling errors!

2.      Shout out to the refs. While they aren’t perfect, they’re more than willing to admit mistakes and check with other refs/Rameer if they’re incorrect on something.

3.      Lots of good games this week. If you’re going to be at the fields all day, here’s the “Where to be” schedule: 9:00 – Field 2 for Hot TaMolly’s vs Bern Them All, 10:00 – Field 3 for Peachy Platoon vs Frodo Swaggins, 11:00 – Field 2 for Bullet Club vs A&A, 12:00 –  Field 1 for Tight Ends In Motion vs Public Enemy, 1:00 – Field 5 for Jabronies vs The Bambs, 2:00 –Field 2 for Hung Buffalo vs GLBS, 3:00 – Field 2 for Ugandan Warriors vs Hope N Ruin.

4.      Speaking of Breakfast Club: EmC HammerTime 31 - Natural Born Kellers 23, Hot TaMolly’s 24 – Bern Them All 22, Schilling Em Softly 40 – Peanut Better Kelly Time 25.

5.      Don’t think we didn’t notice that 3^rd and Schlong barely beat the Ultimate Warriors (40-39) before getting beat up by Frodo Swaggins (48-35). And we know its because 40 year plan guy was missing.

6.      Coach Jay wins! He improves to 1-12 on the season!

7.      Props to teams that are properly using the Universal Sub List. Remember, if you’re short a player, USE IT. There’s some talent there.

8.      I’m most excited to see the result of the Buffalo Solar Solutions vs End Game game. Honestly, if you don’t want to watch Bullet Club and A&A potentially kill each other, you should watch this game at 11:00 on Field 4.

9.      If you have a player that is killing it in this league and nobody is talking about them, EMAIL ME. It’s difficult for me to find new stars when Lenny isn’t here calling me. I’d come to the fields but it’s a long drive from Des Moines people. Help me out.

10.   Speaking of new standout players: Pink Pteratacos has a female (Allegedly named Jamie or Jaime or Jamy) who wears #55 that looks like a future STUD in this league according to multiple reports. Looks like Mark found someone to be a game changer for his squad.

Have fun out there this weekend, and enjoy your holiday. Wear Sunscreen. Only buy alcohol from the bar. Yada yada yada telegram. GODFATHER OUT.