Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL universe, the Race for Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality is reaching the end of its preseason and we’re approaching the single elimination tournaments that will award the survivors with absolute glory. So here we are in Week 8, the final week of the regular season. For some teams, this is a bye week, having already played all 9 of their games (9 teams). For others, they have a double header because some early bye weeks only have them with 7 games played (11 teams).
It all adds up to a wild Week 8 that’s going to determine some seeding scenarios in every single division. Only two of our six divisions have 1st overall seeds set in stone - D4 (The Stunts are 8-0, with a 3 game lead on their closest competitors) and D6 (Balls Deep finished 7-2, every other team in the division has at least 3 losses).
Does seeding actually matter? Yes and no. Yes because it’s nice to say you’re the division champions after 9 grueling games. It’s harder to win a division than you might think it is. A lot has to go right every single game for that to happen. Also, for some divisions, there’s a pretty clear line between the “haves” and the “have nots” at some point, and finishing first usually means you’re going to catch a team that’s still having a terrible year with terrible luck, which is much better than playing a team that might have a 5-4 record, but a few plays during the season could’ve made them 7-2.
And of course, no, seeding doesn’t matter, because the TSL playoffs are historically bananas, upsets happen all of the time, and nothing ever makes sense.
But to a lot of people, seeding is everything. They want to be as high as possible to play the “worst” team they possibly can. And because some of these divisions are INCREDIBLY close, Week 8 is going to be a blast for the league to watch.
As for tiebreakers, it’s pretty simple. If two teams are tied, we go with the head to head. If they played twice and split? It goes to point differential. We know that much. But if 3 teams are tied? 4 teams? We have no idea. Please remember that I’ve described this system in the past as “Topper punches the numbers into the magical standings machine and it spits out the seeds and matchups based on a lot of stuff I don’t understand.”. Today, it’s the same thing, except Jeff Krol is punching the numbers in. So if you’re tied with multiple teams, you’ll see on Sunday where you ended up. Don’t ask, nobody will know.
So let’s take a sort of in depth look at where teams stand and what’s on the line for this Saturday for each division:
D1:
Last Week’s Games:
Sticky Bandits 33, Losing Streak 14
Legends 52, Sticky Bandits 26
Losing Streak 52, Frodo Swaggins 18
Legends 61, Frodo Swaggins 24
Sticky Bandits get a nice win over Losing Streak to kick off the day, before getting doubled up on by the Legends. LS would go on to dominate Frodo, Legends would go on to dominate Frodo. Sorry Frodo.
What’s On The Line:
Legends - They’re 6-2, they clinch 1st with a win.
Eyes Downtown - They’re 6-2, they can’t go lower than 2nd, they clinch 1st with a win, and a Legends loss.
Losing Streak - A win gets them a 3rd place finish.
Sticky Bandits - A win and a Losing Streak loss gets them 3rd place, pushing LS into the 4-5 game.
Frodo Swaggins - They’re finishing 5th.
This Week’s Games:
Sticky Bandits vs Frodo Swaggins (+10) - A very important game for Sticky, as I’m sure they’d like to avoid the extra playoff game. Frodo is playing for pride at this point, but getting a 2nd win and repeat playoff game against a team they just beat the week before could rally them to a win here. It doesn’t. STICKY BANDITS BY 12
Eyes Downtown vs Frodo Swaggins (+14) - Frodo gets a weird “10th” game but they get it against Eyes Downtown, which isn’t exactly a picnic. Bobby’s team knows that a win here places the pressure on the Legends, so they’ll be going all out to take this one. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 17
Legends vs Losing Streak (+10) - The Legends will know by start time if this game means anything for them. Of course, they might just want to make Losing Streak potentially play in the 4-5 game anyway, which might be all they need to get them motivated. LEGENDS BY 7
D2:
Last Week’s Games:
Cle-Avengers Assemble 37, THREAD 28
The Untouchaballs 39, Practice Squad 0
Mavericks 58, Practice Squad 26
The Untouchaballs 37, Freeballers 14
Cle-Ass started off the D2 slate with a hard fought win over THREAD. The Untouchballs shut out Practice Squad before dominating the Freeballers to go to 2-0 on the day. The Mavericks scored a bunch of points on PS en route to a victory as well.
What’s On The Line:
Can’t Touch This, The Untouchaballs, Freeballers - These three teams have a shot at 1st overall in the division. If CTT wins, they get it over a tie with UT, but lose it in a tie with Freeballers. If they lose, UT wins, and Freeballers lose a game, UT gets it. If CTT loses, UT loses, Freeballers win both? Freeballers take first. And they could all end up tied at 7-2 or 6-3, and then it comes down to the craziness of the Topper Machine. I think.
Mavericks - Sitting at 4-4, a win should keep them in 4th. A loss and two wins by Cle-Ass, or a win by THREAD, or two wins by Scared Hitless and they’re getting pulled down into…
Cle-Avengers Assemble, THREAD, Scared Hitless - All of these teams can tie and shuffle positions and with Cle-Ass winning over UT and FB, THREAD beating CTT, and SH beating Mavericks and FB they’d all be 4-5, and into the Topper Machine they’d go. I’d love to see how a 4 way tie between them all shakes out.
Practice Squad - I believe that at 2-7, PS is locked into 8th place.
This Week’s Games:
Mavericks vs Scared Hitless (+10) - I don’t think Jordan and company want to mess around this game. They just want to play their game, get a win, and prepare for the playoffs against a team that isn’t one of the “Big 3” for the first week. MAVERICKS BY 14
The Untouchaballs vs Cle-Avengers Assemble (+7) - Jeremy Burr and Co have a chance at the #1 seed, and they still have a bad taste in their mouths from losing to Travis’ old team in D2 last season. They’ll be out to send a message. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 13
Can’t Touch This vs THREAD (+3) - THREAD just pulled out a 1 point win against CTT the last time these two played. THREAD has been the hotter team as of late, and CTT isn’t the same team that was running through D2 earlier this year. THREAD BY 2
Freeballers vs Scared Hitless (+10) - Freeballers may have just looked “not great” against the Untouchaballs, but that doesn’t mean they’re not one of the Top D2 teams right now. I expect them, with a shot at first place on the line, to bring their best this week. FREEBALLERS BY 15
Freeballers vs Cle-Avengers Assemble (+8) - This could be a slug fest between two talented teams, but by this point only one should have something to play for. FREEBALLERS BY 10
D3:
Last Week’s Games:
The Malones 53, Keller Whales 30
Keller Whales 45, Vaspian 30
Wanderers 43, Bullet Club 34
The Family 21, Let’s Get Reccked 0 (forfeit)
Wanderers 70, 716 8
The Malones put up a ton of points yet again, this time against the Keller Whales. The Kellers would shake it off and get a nice win over Vaspian to go to 1-1 on the day. The Wanderers broke their losing streak against Bullet Club, extending BC’s losing streak to 5 games before putting up an impressive 70 points against a very overmatched 716 team. LGR realized the only way to hold The Family to under 50 points is to forfeit, and they did just that.
What’s On The Line:
The Family - Win and they’re 1st. Easy. If they lose…
Chaos. Keller Whales, The Malones, Vaspian - KW can tie The Family with a win then. While KW won’t win the tiebreaker of the two of them, Vaspian can make it a three way dance with a win over The Malones. If the Malones win, however, they can make it a three way tie with a win over 716. Then it’s up to the Topper Machine.
Wanderers - If they win, they’re looking at the 3rd/4th seed. If they lose….
More Chaos. Let’s Get Reccked, 716, Bullet Club - Wanderers drop to 4-5 with the loss to LGR, which means we can have a different three way tie with Wanderers, 716 (if they win both games) and the winner of LGR/Bullet Club. (The loser of LGR/BC ends up in 8th in this scenario).
This Week’s Games:
The Family vs Vaspian (+6) - I didn’t give Vaspian a chance to beat The Family earlier in the season and I was wrong. Since then, The Family has formed into a complete juggernaut and the hottest team in the TSL. While a Family loss leads to more chaos, it's hard to bet against them. THE FAMILY BY 10
Bullet Club vs Let’s Get Reccked (EVEN) - The teams have played in some form a bunch of times and it tends to be close. A loss here, as I said before, gives the potential for either team to play The Family, which nobody wants to do right now. I expect this to be down to the wire, Bullet Club loses another close one. LETS GET RECCKED BY 2
Wanderers vs Let’s Get Reccked (EVEN) - LGR won this game 57-14 when the Wanderers were in that rough stretch. If anyone was paying attention last week, they’re back, and I’m sure they’ll be looking for revenge from the earlier loss. WANDERERS BY 3
The Malones vs 716 (+14) - The Malones continue to be the best team nobody is talking about in the TSL. They’re fast, they score, they have extremely talented females, they have a little bit of swagger too. Also, they drink at the bar so that’s a plus. They have a decent shot at the top seed, and that should be all they need to keep it rolling. THE MALONES BY 18
Keller Whales vs 716 (+10) - 716 has some talent, but they’re just slightly behind the rest of the division, and its caused them some tough losses this season. Keller Whales continue to just be consistent year in and year out, no matter which Keller throws for them. They’ll continue to roll. KELLER WHALES BY 10
The Malones vs Vaspian (+7) - This game could have big meaning for seeding, so both teams are going to bring their best. Right now, I think The Malones “best” is better. THE MALONES BY 12
D4:
Last Week’s Games:
Passing While Intoxicated 50, TMA 16
Puckett All-Stars 32, Buffalo Vice 24
Puckett All-Stars 30, TMA 7
Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 31, Travis Henry’s Kids 20
Cunning Stunts 51, Travis Henry’s Kids 32
Cunning Stunts 56, Father Baker 36
PWI gets back in the win column with a win over TMA, who would go on to lose to Puckett as well. Puckett would also win against Buffalo Vice to be 2-0 on the day. ILF handled THK, who would go on to lose to the Stunts afterwards. The Stunts moved to 8-0 with a win over Father Baker in another gender bowl.
What’s On The Line:
Cunning Stunts - 8-0 right now, clinched 1st overall.
Seeds 2-6 are nuts. Buffalo Vice, ILF, PWI, Puckett, and THK - Vice is already 5-4 and they’re done this season. Here’s the most fun scenario: If THK beats PWI, PWI beats ILF, ILF beats Puckett, and Puckett beats Father Baker (All completely plausible) we’d have FIVE teams tied at 5-4 for the 2nd seed. Chaos please. There’s a lot of different outcomes that could happen here, and it’s a fool’s errand to try to go through them all for you, so let’s just hope for this result.
Father Baker - Clinched the 7 seed.
TMA - Clinched the 8 seed.
This Week’s Games:
Passing While Intoxicated vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+6) - This is a big game for THK, obviously, and PWI has been very good when Buddy Lee shows up to QB. Whether he will or not remains the question. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 3
PWI vs ILF (EVEN) - Yeah, yeah, ILF dominated PWI a few weeks ago, I know. But PWI wasn’t exactly at full strength. ILF has been better than their record shows to be honest, and usually those teams win. But I really want the 5 way tie, so, PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 8
Cunning Stunts vs TMA (+20) - Don’t watch. It won’t be pretty. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17
ILF vs Puckett All-Stars (EVEN) - Puckett definitely has been good as of late, but ILF will be reeling from letting one slip away earlier, so INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 1
Puckett All-Stars vs Father Baker (+8) - Puckett takes a page out of ILF’s book from the game before and they get it together for game two. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 12
D5:
Last Week’s Games:
Spinelli’s Plumbing 36, Goatsack! 24
Come From Behind 28, Not So Sticky 17
Creekers 38, Goatsack! 20
Spinelli’s Plumbing 40, Cobblestone 34
Spinelli’s Plumbing beat Goatsack before going 2-0 on the day in a win over Cobblestone as well. Goatsack took the loss and made it 0-2 dropping one to the Creekers. Come From Behind beat Not So Sticky, who are lulling them into a false sense of security for the playoffs.
What’s On The Line:
Come From Behind, GUCCI - Both of these teams are done with the season at 6-3, but their seeding isn’t guaranteed yet.
Creekers - With a win, Creekers win the division. With a loss, if Spinelli’s wins again, Creekers are 4th.
Spinelli’s Plumbing - However, if Spinelli’s beats the Creekers but chokes against the BAADies, we’ll have CFB, GUCCI, Creekers, and Spinelli’s all at 6-3 and who the hell knows what will come of that mess. For Spinelli’s, if they win both, they’re 7-2 and they get Not So Sticky in the first round. This season, that’s a good thing, unless you’re CFB.
BAADies - The tie with Goatsack! means that can only, at best, move up to 4, and they’d be locked into a rematch with Spinelli’s, who would have to go 0-2 for BAADies to move up. They can’t move down.
Goatsack! - Goatsack! had that tie I mentioned which means at 3-5-1 they’re locked into the 6th seed.
Cobblestone - playing very well as of late, but can’t get out of the 7th seed.
Not So Sticky - They’ve been locked into the 8th seed since August. Kidding, but they can’t get out of the basement even with a win over Cobblestone this week.
This Week’s Games:
Cobblestone vs Not So Sticky (+7) - NSS is in the midst of their worst season that they’ve had in a while. That doesn’t mean they don’t have talent, but they’re maybe having too many (or not enough?) Huggie Bombs this year. Cobblestone has found something that works the last couple of weeks, and I think they’ll keep it rolling. COBBLESTONE BY 12
Creekers vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (EVEN) - The Creekers held Spinelli’s to 23 points a couple of weeks ago, so they’re able to stop this offense. This game is HUGE for D5, as the winner will be the #1 seed (if Spinelli’s wins against the BAADies anyway). I can’t imagine Creekers hold Spinelli’s offense back twice in one season, it’s just very hard to do. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 6
Spinelli’s Plumbing vs BAADies (+7) - The BAADies beat Spinelli’s by 5 back in Week 3 this season, in a 57-52 shootout. I expect another shootout, but this time it’s going to go the other way. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 5
D6:
Last Week’s Games:
Balls Deep 29, Blitzkrieg 20
Balls Deep 41, Mighty Drunks 35
Sausage McMuffins 29, Back That Pass Up 8
Mighty Drunks 25, Back That Pass Up 21
Pit Harade 36, Two Tuddies 15
Sausage McMuffins 20, Two Tuddies 15
Balls Deep ended their season strong, going 2-0 on the day to move to 7-2 with wins over Fall Blitzkrieg and the Mighty Drunks. The Drunks would go to 1-1 on the day as they squeaked by Back That Pass Up. BTPU would fall to 0-2 on the day when they lost to the McMuffins, who would move to 1-1 themselves with a win over the Two Tuddies. The Tuddies were 0-2 on the day, as they also lost to Pit Harade earlier on.
What’s On The Line:
Balls Deep - Clinched 1st overall with a 7-2 record.
Sausage McMuffins, Blitzkrieg, Pit Harade - These teams could end up in a three way tie for 2nd with 6-3 records. The McMuffins are already 6-3, Blitzkrieg plays the 1-7 Back That Pass Up, and Pit Harade plays the 2-6 Just Get Open. That kind of shows a 3 way tie seems probable, which means it won’t happen. The McMuffins lose the tiebreaker with both BK and PH. If all three teams tie, I think it goes BK - PH - McMuffins, but again, the Topper Machine, anything can happen then.
Two Tuddies - locked into the 5th seed
Mighty Drunks - locked into the 6th seed
Just Get Open - locked into the 7th seed
Back That Pass Up - locked into the 8th seed, will play Balls Deep in Round 1.
This Week’s Games:
Pit Harade vs Just Get Open (+7) - Just Get Open is 2-6 and they had one really good week. After that they’ve been looking for players and seemingly scrambling along. Pit Harade is 5-1 in their last 6 games, and they’ve been scoring in bunches. That’s only helped along by putting Rayanna back behind center last week, and she was apparently slinging it, beating the Tud Buds by 21. Give me the team that’s been much hotter. PIT HARADE BY 10
Blitzkrieg vs Back That Pass Up (+12) - BTPU has been playing very well on defense, and they’re starting to get it together on offense. It hasn’t translated to wins yet, but they’re much closer to one than they ever have been. Fall Blitzkrieg is cruising along, even though their record is only 5-3. It probably should be better than that. With 2nd in the division right there for the taking, they’ll be very focused. BLITZKRIEG BY 17
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:
-GF OUT