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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL universe, the Race for Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality is reaching the end of its preseason and we’re approaching the single elimination tournaments that will award the survivors with absolute glory. So here we are in Week 8, the final week of the regular season. For some teams, this is a bye week, having already played all 9 of their games (9 teams). For others, they have a double header because some early bye weeks only have them with 7 games played (11 teams). 

 

It all adds up to a wild Week 8 that’s going to determine some seeding scenarios in every single division. Only two of our six divisions have 1st overall seeds set in stone  - D4 (The Stunts are 8-0, with a 3 game lead on their closest competitors) and D6 (Balls Deep finished 7-2, every other team in the division has at least 3 losses). 

 

Does seeding actually matter? Yes and no. Yes because it’s nice to say you’re the division champions after 9 grueling games. It’s harder to win a division than you might think it is. A lot has to go right every single game for that to happen. Also, for some divisions, there’s a pretty clear line between the “haves” and the “have nots” at some point, and finishing first usually means you’re going to catch a team that’s still having a terrible year with terrible luck, which is much better than playing a team that might have a 5-4 record, but a few plays during the season could’ve made them 7-2. 

 

And of course, no, seeding doesn’t matter, because the TSL playoffs are historically bananas, upsets happen all of the time, and nothing ever makes sense. 

 

But to a lot of people, seeding is everything. They want to be as high as possible to play the “worst” team they possibly can. And because some of these divisions are INCREDIBLY close, Week 8 is going to be a blast for the league to watch. 

 

As for tiebreakers, it’s pretty simple. If two teams are tied, we go with the head to head. If they played twice and split? It goes to point differential. We know that much. But if 3 teams are tied? 4 teams? We have no idea. Please remember that I’ve described this system in the past as “Topper punches the numbers into the magical standings machine and it spits out the seeds and matchups based on a lot of stuff I don’t understand.”. Today, it’s the same thing, except Jeff Krol is punching the numbers in. So if you’re tied with multiple teams, you’ll see on Sunday where you ended up. Don’t ask, nobody will know. 

 

So let’s take a sort of in depth look at where teams stand and what’s on the line for this Saturday for each division: 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games: 

 

Sticky Bandits 33, Losing Streak 14

Legends 52, Sticky Bandits 26

Losing Streak 52, Frodo Swaggins 18

Legends 61, Frodo Swaggins 24

Sticky Bandits get a nice win over Losing Streak to kick off the day, before getting doubled up on by the Legends. LS would go on to dominate Frodo, Legends would go on to dominate Frodo. Sorry Frodo. 

What’s On The Line: 

 

Legends - They’re 6-2, they clinch 1st with a win. 

 

Eyes Downtown - They’re 6-2, they can’t go lower than 2nd, they clinch 1st with a win, and a Legends loss. 

 

Losing Streak - A win gets them a 3rd place finish. 

 

Sticky Bandits - A win and a Losing Streak loss gets them 3rd place, pushing LS into the 4-5 game. 

 

Frodo Swaggins - They’re finishing 5th. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits vs Frodo Swaggins (+10) - A very important game for Sticky, as I’m sure they’d like to avoid the extra playoff game. Frodo is playing for pride at this point, but getting a 2nd win and repeat playoff game against a team they just beat the week before could rally them to a win here. It doesn’t. STICKY BANDITS BY 12

 

Eyes Downtown vs Frodo Swaggins (+14) - Frodo gets a weird “10th” game but they get it against Eyes Downtown, which isn’t exactly a picnic. Bobby’s team knows that a win here places the pressure on the Legends, so they’ll be going all out to take this one. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 17

 

Legends vs Losing Streak (+10) - The Legends will know by start time if this game means anything for them. Of course, they might just want to make Losing Streak potentially play in the 4-5 game anyway, which might be all they need to get them motivated. LEGENDS BY 7

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Cle-Avengers Assemble 37, THREAD 28

The Untouchaballs 39, Practice Squad 0

Mavericks 58, Practice Squad 26

The Untouchaballs 37, Freeballers 14

 

Cle-Ass started off the D2 slate with a hard fought win over THREAD. The Untouchballs shut out Practice Squad before dominating the Freeballers to go to 2-0 on the day. The Mavericks scored a bunch of points on PS en route to a victory as well. 

What’s On The Line:

 

Can’t Touch This, The Untouchaballs, Freeballers - These three teams have a shot at 1st overall in the division. If CTT wins, they get it over a tie with UT, but lose it in a tie with Freeballers. If they lose, UT wins, and Freeballers lose a game, UT gets it. If CTT loses, UT loses, Freeballers win both? Freeballers take first. And they could all end up tied at 7-2 or 6-3, and then it comes down to the craziness of the Topper Machine. I think. 

 

Mavericks - Sitting at 4-4, a win should keep them in 4th. A loss and two wins by Cle-Ass, or a win by THREAD, or two wins by Scared Hitless and they’re getting pulled down into…

 

Cle-Avengers Assemble, THREAD, Scared Hitless - All of these teams can tie and shuffle positions and with Cle-Ass winning over UT and FB, THREAD beating CTT, and SH beating Mavericks and FB they’d all be 4-5, and into the Topper Machine they’d go. I’d love to see how a 4 way tie between them all shakes out. 

 

Practice Squad - I believe that at 2-7, PS is locked into 8th place. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Mavericks vs Scared Hitless (+10) - I don’t think Jordan and company want to mess around this game. They just want to play their game, get a win, and prepare for the playoffs against a team that isn’t one of the “Big 3” for the first week. MAVERICKS BY 14

 

The Untouchaballs vs Cle-Avengers Assemble (+7) - Jeremy Burr and Co have a chance at the #1 seed, and they still have a bad taste in their mouths from losing to Travis’ old team in D2 last season. They’ll be out to send a message. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 13

 

Can’t Touch This vs THREAD (+3) - THREAD just pulled out a 1 point win against CTT the last time these two played. THREAD has been the hotter team as of late, and CTT isn’t the same team that was running through D2 earlier this year. THREAD BY 2

 

Freeballers vs Scared Hitless (+10) - Freeballers may have just looked “not great” against the Untouchaballs, but that doesn’t mean they’re not one of the Top D2 teams right now. I expect them, with a shot at first place on the line, to bring their best this week. FREEBALLERS BY 15

 

Freeballers vs Cle-Avengers Assemble (+8) - This could be a slug fest between two talented teams, but by this point only one should have something to play for. FREEBALLERS BY 10

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games: 

 

The Malones 53, Keller Whales 30

Keller Whales 45, Vaspian 30

Wanderers 43, Bullet Club 34

The Family 21, Let’s Get Reccked 0 (forfeit)

Wanderers 70, 716 8

The Malones put up a ton of points yet again, this time against the Keller Whales. The Kellers would shake it off and get a nice win over Vaspian to go to 1-1 on the day. The Wanderers broke their losing streak against Bullet Club, extending BC’s losing streak to 5 games before putting up an impressive 70 points against a very overmatched 716 team. LGR realized the only way to hold The Family to under 50 points is to forfeit, and they did just that. 

What’s On The Line:

 

The Family - Win and they’re 1st. Easy. If they lose…

 

Chaos. Keller Whales, The Malones, Vaspian - KW can tie The Family with a win then. While KW won’t win the tiebreaker of the two of them, Vaspian can make it a three way dance with a win over The Malones. If the Malones win, however, they can make it a three way tie with a win over 716. Then it’s up to the Topper Machine. 

 

Wanderers - If they win, they’re looking at the 3rd/4th seed. If they lose….

 

More Chaos. Let’s Get Reccked, 716, Bullet Club - Wanderers drop to 4-5 with the loss to LGR, which means we can have a different three way tie with Wanderers, 716 (if they win both games) and the winner of LGR/Bullet Club. (The loser of LGR/BC ends up in 8th in this scenario). 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Family vs Vaspian (+6) - I didn’t give Vaspian a chance to beat The Family earlier in the season and I was wrong. Since then, The Family has formed into a complete juggernaut and the hottest team in the TSL. While a Family loss leads to more chaos, it's hard to bet against them. THE FAMILY BY 10

 

Bullet Club vs Let’s Get Reccked (EVEN) - The teams have played in some form a bunch of times and it tends to be close. A loss here, as I said before, gives the potential for either team to play The Family, which nobody wants to do right now. I expect this to be down to the wire, Bullet Club loses another close one. LETS GET RECCKED BY 2

 

Wanderers vs Let’s Get Reccked (EVEN) - LGR won this game 57-14 when the Wanderers were in that rough stretch. If anyone was paying attention last week, they’re back, and I’m sure they’ll be looking for revenge from the earlier loss. WANDERERS BY 3

 

The Malones vs 716 (+14) - The Malones continue to be the best team nobody is talking about in the TSL. They’re fast, they score, they have extremely talented females, they have a little bit of swagger too. Also, they drink at the bar so that’s a plus. They have a decent shot at the top seed, and that should be all they need to keep it rolling. THE MALONES BY 18

 

Keller Whales vs 716 (+10) - 716 has some talent, but they’re just slightly behind the rest of the division, and its caused them some tough losses this season. Keller Whales continue to just be consistent year in and year out, no matter which Keller throws for them. They’ll continue to roll. KELLER WHALES BY 10

 

The Malones vs Vaspian (+7) - This game could have big meaning for seeding, so both teams are going to bring their best. Right now, I think The Malones “best” is better. THE MALONES BY 12

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Passing While Intoxicated 50, TMA 16

Puckett All-Stars 32, Buffalo Vice 24

Puckett All-Stars 30, TMA 7

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 31, Travis Henry’s Kids 20

Cunning Stunts 51, Travis Henry’s Kids 32

Cunning Stunts 56, Father Baker 36

 

PWI gets back in the win column with a win over TMA, who would go on to lose to Puckett as well. Puckett would also win against Buffalo Vice to be 2-0 on the day. ILF handled THK, who would go on to lose to the Stunts afterwards. The Stunts moved to 8-0 with a win over Father Baker in another gender bowl. 

What’s On The Line: 

 

Cunning Stunts - 8-0 right now, clinched 1st overall. 

 

Seeds 2-6 are nuts. Buffalo Vice, ILF, PWI, Puckett, and THK - Vice is already 5-4 and they’re done this season. Here’s the most fun scenario: If THK beats PWI, PWI beats ILF, ILF beats Puckett, and Puckett beats Father Baker (All completely plausible) we’d have FIVE teams tied at 5-4 for the 2nd seed. Chaos please. There’s a lot of different outcomes that could happen here, and it’s a fool’s errand to try to go through them all for you, so let’s just hope for this result. 

 

Father Baker - Clinched the 7 seed. 

 

TMA - Clinched the 8 seed. 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+6) - This is a big game for THK, obviously, and PWI has been very good when Buddy Lee shows up to QB. Whether he will or not remains the question. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 3

 

PWI vs ILF (EVEN) - Yeah, yeah, ILF dominated PWI a few weeks ago, I know. But PWI wasn’t exactly at full strength. ILF has been better than their record shows to be honest, and usually those teams win. But I really want the 5 way tie, so, PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 8

 

Cunning Stunts vs TMA (+20) - Don’t watch. It won’t be pretty. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

ILF vs Puckett All-Stars (EVEN) - Puckett definitely has been good as of late, but ILF will be reeling from letting one slip away earlier, so INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 1

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Father Baker (+8) - Puckett takes a page out of ILF’s book from the game before and they get it together for game two. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 12

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing 36, Goatsack! 24

Come From Behind 28, Not So Sticky 17

Creekers 38, Goatsack! 20

Spinelli’s Plumbing 40, Cobblestone 34

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing beat Goatsack before going 2-0 on the day in a win over Cobblestone as well. Goatsack took the loss and made it 0-2 dropping one to the Creekers. Come From Behind beat Not So Sticky, who are lulling them into a false sense of security for the playoffs. 

What’s On The Line: 

 

Come From Behind, GUCCI - Both of these teams are done with the season at 6-3, but their seeding isn’t guaranteed yet. 

 

Creekers - With a win, Creekers win the division. With a loss, if Spinelli’s wins again, Creekers are 4th. 

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing - However, if Spinelli’s beats the Creekers but chokes against the BAADies, we’ll have CFB, GUCCI, Creekers, and Spinelli’s all at 6-3 and who the hell knows what will come of that mess. For Spinelli’s, if they win both, they’re 7-2 and they get Not So Sticky in the first round. This season, that’s a good thing, unless you’re CFB. 

 

BAADies - The tie with Goatsack! means that can only, at best, move up to 4, and they’d be locked into a rematch with Spinelli’s, who would have to go 0-2 for BAADies to move up. They can’t move down. 

 

Goatsack! - Goatsack! had that tie I mentioned which means at 3-5-1 they’re locked into the 6th seed. 

 

Cobblestone - playing very well as of late, but can’t get out of the 7th seed. 

 

Not So Sticky - They’ve been locked into the 8th seed since August. Kidding, but they can’t get out of the basement even with a win over Cobblestone this week. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Cobblestone vs Not So Sticky (+7) - NSS is in the midst of their worst season that they’ve had in a while. That doesn’t mean they don’t have talent, but they’re maybe having too many (or not enough?) Huggie Bombs this year. Cobblestone has found something that works the last couple of weeks, and I think they’ll keep it rolling. COBBLESTONE BY 12

 

Creekers vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (EVEN) - The Creekers held Spinelli’s to 23 points a couple of weeks ago, so they’re able to stop this offense. This game is HUGE for D5, as the winner will be the #1 seed (if Spinelli’s wins against the BAADies anyway). I can’t imagine Creekers hold Spinelli’s offense back twice in one season, it’s just very hard to do. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 6

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs BAADies (+7) - The BAADies beat Spinelli’s by 5 back in Week 3 this season, in a 57-52 shootout. I expect another shootout, but this time it’s going to go the other way. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 5

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Balls Deep 29, Blitzkrieg 20

Balls Deep 41, Mighty Drunks 35

Sausage McMuffins 29, Back That Pass Up 8

Mighty Drunks 25, Back That Pass Up 21

Pit Harade 36, Two Tuddies 15

Sausage McMuffins 20, Two Tuddies 15

 

Balls Deep ended their season strong, going 2-0 on the day to move to 7-2 with wins over Fall Blitzkrieg and the Mighty Drunks. The Drunks would go to 1-1 on the day as they squeaked by Back That Pass Up. BTPU would fall to 0-2 on the day when they lost to the McMuffins, who would move to 1-1 themselves with a win over the Two Tuddies. The Tuddies were 0-2 on the day, as they also lost to Pit Harade earlier on. 

What’s On The Line:

 

Balls Deep - Clinched 1st overall with a 7-2 record. 

 

Sausage McMuffins, Blitzkrieg, Pit Harade - These teams could end up in a three way tie for 2nd with 6-3 records. The McMuffins are already 6-3, Blitzkrieg plays the 1-7 Back That Pass Up, and Pit Harade plays the 2-6 Just Get Open. That kind of shows a 3 way tie seems probable, which means it won’t happen. The McMuffins lose the tiebreaker with both BK and PH. If all three teams tie, I think it goes BK - PH - McMuffins, but again, the Topper Machine, anything can happen then. 

 

Two Tuddies - locked into the 5th seed

 

Mighty Drunks - locked into the 6th seed

 

Just Get Open - locked into the 7th seed

 

Back That Pass Up - locked into the 8th seed, will play Balls Deep in Round 1. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Pit Harade vs Just Get Open (+7) - Just Get Open is 2-6 and they had one really good week. After that they’ve been looking for players and seemingly scrambling along. Pit Harade is 5-1 in their last 6 games, and they’ve been scoring in bunches. That’s only helped along by putting Rayanna back behind center last week, and she was apparently slinging it, beating the Tud Buds by 21. Give me the team that’s been much hotter. PIT HARADE BY 10

 

Blitzkrieg vs Back That Pass Up (+12) - BTPU has been playing very well on defense, and they’re starting to get it together on offense. It hasn’t translated to wins yet, but they’re much closer to one than they ever have been. Fall Blitzkrieg is cruising along, even though their record is only 5-3. It probably should be better than that. With 2nd in the division right there for the taking, they’ll be very focused. BLITZKRIEG BY 17

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• Breakfast Club Playoffs already? What happened this season? Breakfast Club looked to be pretty evenly matched for the most part. Becca/Ashley’s team ended up 5-1, playing slightly better defense/offense than the other 3 teams. Steph/Misty and MacKenzie’s teams went 3-3, although both teams played each other (and BDD) pretty close. Jenna’s team went 1-5, but they were two plays away from two more wins. All in all, a mostly even BC. 

 

 

 

• After going over the divisions now that the season is just about over, which teams should move up/move down a division for the Spring 2024 season? This is a good question, and it's one that’s hard to answer because we don’t know what teams will be coming back, what new teams we’ll have, who these teams may add. Let’s assume that every team is coming back with the same rosters, and no new teams are being added. In D1, if Frodo wanted to drop down I’d understand, but I’d like them to continue to improve in D1 myself. In D2, The Untouchaballs SHOULD move to D1, but because some players already have D1 teams, they never will and that’s a shame. I also think Practice Squad could go back to D3, but they’re another team that’s just starting to win and figure it out. In D3, The Family is going up no matter what, they’re too good, and when you average 45 points a game, yeah. 716 hasn’t looked quite right this whole season, and perhaps D4 is more suited for them. In a perfect world, the Stunts win D4 and come to D3. The Angels did it, now it’s their turn. They win ALL THE TIME in the regular season, and some are thinking they purposely lose in the playoffs to not have to move up. I THINK they only lose Katie Keller going to D3, which is a big loss, but I feel they can sweet talk someone talented to take her spot. It’ll be fun seeing them join that division. Unless Joey is scared. We know the girls aren’t. And then TMA, yeah, the powers that be were just wrong about how much of a difference Boccio makes. This season should be proof that you’re D5 even with him, unless all of your really tall guys come back. In D5, nobody stands out as a “must move up”, except for Spinelli’s, mainly because they just played in D4, and taking the season off last Spring didn’t hurt them as much as they thought. Some may think Not So Sticky should move down, but don’t forget they just ran roughshod over D6 not too long ago. I heard someone say on the podcast that they’re basically a “D5.5” team, so it’s tough. As for D6, I don’t think anyone is a “must move up no matter what”. I wouldn’t be surprised if the champs stayed down. 

 

 

 

• Shouldn’t there be more incentive to win your own division? What kind of reasonable perks could there be with that? I always get this question and I’m never sure what we really could do for this that won’t give a team a huge advantage. Perhaps something like you get to pick your field for the first playoff game could be in play. Usually the schedule has an entire division play at once, so if you prefer field 2, you can have that field? I don’t really know what else could be done. Maybe a bar tab that can only be used on Playoff Saturday? If you have ideas, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and I’ll pass your ideas along. 

 

 

 

• I keep seeing that I shouldn’t miss “The TSL Banquet” on Friday, December 8th. But, what is it? The TSL Banquet is a wedding without the wedding. Everyone dresses up, we have an open bar, we give out awards, we have cool DJs, and we drink and dance the night away. It’s the best party of the year, lots of TSLers get hotel rooms and end up staying out much later the next day. It’s a ton of fun, and you should be there. 

 

 

 

• Awards? How do I win an award? Well, you’ll have to be nominated for one! We give out awards for a LOT of different things for each division. How do you get nominated? Usually, the captains are given a google form to fill out for nominees, but since a lot of captains can’t be bothered, word is that Jeff Krol is opening it up to the public to vote on nominees, and he should be sending that out soon. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY: 

 

 

• Breakfast Club Playoff Predictions: 

• BDD 51, Blachuranus 30

• Steph’s Mistyrious Infection 42, The Dirty Dozen 33

 

 

 

• I think after too many people pointed out how great the weather has been all season for the TSL, Mother Nature caught on. My Weather Channel App is telling me that there may be a little bit of rain on Saturday and the temperature is dropping into the 50s. Football weather, right? 

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• 9:00 - Breakfast Club Playoffs! 

• 10:00 - Cle-Avengers Assemble vs The Untouchaballs

• 11:00 - Can’t Touch This vs THREAD

• 12:00 - ILF vs PWI

• 1:00 - Creekers vs Spinelli’s Plumbing

• 2:00 - Let’s Get Reccked vs Wanderers

• 3:00 - Legends vs Losing Streak

 

 

 

• Yes, the TSL Winter Session is coming. More details will be coming soon enough. 

 

 

 

• I heard on both podcasts the idea of the refs keeping track of the players that score TDs, and I think that’s a fun idea. However, it could lead to people worried way too much about stats. Pros and cons. 

 

 

 

• I wonder if the TSL Hall of Fame will ever happen or if it’s just a myth? 

 

 

 

• Three teams being criminally ignored this season: Balls Deep, The Malones, and Puckett All-Stars. 

 

 

 

• As if the weather maybe affecting the games isn’t enough, I just remembered that Fall Fest is this weekend in WNY. Historically that means a lot of people will be missing games, or leaving ASAP so they can see Topper and stand packed in like sardines at Balloons to get one drink every 4 hours. Ah, the memories. I should’ve come to town for this. 

 

 

 

• I do enjoy that heading into the last weekend of the season, we only have TWO of the 21 Playoff Saturday matchups set: Cunning Stunts vs TMA and Balls Deep vs Back That Pass Up. 

 

 

 

• With playoffs coming, and the games starting to mean a little bit more, I’ll say again that you need to keep your cool with the refs, the opponents, and even your own teammates. Don’t do anything stupid that can hurt your team’s dreams of Social Co-Ed Football Immortality that everyone has been working towards all season. 

 

-GF OUT

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