Week 7 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 01 October 2021 16:46

Published: Friday, 01 October 2021 16:46

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2754

 

I see you, Vaspian.

 

The hottest team in the TSL walked onto the fields last weekend with something to prove, taking on two D4 contenders in Buffalo Vice and the Falconies, and they walked out 6-1 and on top of the world.

 

I see you.

 

In this very article, for many seasons, I personally trashed gave advice to them on how they needed to move down a division, or that they weren’t very good. That something needed to change.

 

And it did. QB Brian has found his stride (He wasn’t the QB for Vaspian’s Week 1 loss to Puckett), and the new weapons have settled in just nicely. Vaspian’s offense is scoring at a slower pace than most of the other D4 contenders, but their defense has been arguably the best in the division. 138 points allowed in 7 games. They’re ranked 5^th overall in the TSL. They show up to the bar. They’re some of the nicest people we have in this league. I couldn’t be happier for them.

 

Their detractors might point to the fact that due to scheduling quirks (See: Topper does the schedule with his friend Mr. Wine), Vaspian has been able to avoid the Cunning Stunts and Itches and Ohs so far. But maybe the genius there is that we’ll wait until playoffs for those big matchups.

 

Vaspian isn’t the only ‘hot’ team in the league I see either.

 

I see you, Public Enemy.

 

Despite being given a mandate from Topper NOT to glamorize the 4^th annual Chris Cole Retirement Tour, apparently at the wishes of the man himself, it’s hard not to watch what’s happening in D1. And that’s total NSFW, BDSM style domination as PE is 6-0, ranked 2^nd overall in the TSL, has the most points for, and the best defense in D1. Every other team has questions, Public Enemy just has answers.

 

I see you, When Dove Cries.

 

Yeah, I get it. A&A is 7-0 and on cruise control. Top Shot is very impressive in D2. But right now, the 4-3 WDC is catching my eye. I know, they’re 4-3. They lost to Top Shot last week on an apparent controversial call with a fumble at the goal line being called wrong. They lost to Scared Hitless by 4. They lost to A&A by 9. There’s a world where they’re the 7-0 team, and it starts with having their roster there every week, which was a struggle early on. The have the top defense of the teams above them, and their offense is right there as well. Best point differential in D2 as well. Look out for them.

 

 

I see you, Travis Henry’s Kids.

 

After an 0-2 start in D6, THK has ramped up their game (and I guess their giant, 15 person roster) to go 3-0 since. They’re second in their division, but they have the most points scored in D6 as well. (They have scored 7 more points than the D6 ‘favorites’ TMA but have also played one less game.) Their defense isn’t the world’s greatest, as they’ve allowed 37, 32, and 35 points in that span, but it doesn’t matter when your offense is humming along as theirs has been. QB John Langley is one of the more underrated QBs in the league (such is the life of a D6 quarterback) and someone really need to tell him to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to let me in on the who’s who of this squad this season.

 

I see you, Wasted Potential.

 

5-2, and playing very good defense. The offense is a little behind where you’d want it to be, I know, but what are you going to do when you haven’t really had a consistent QB? The Week 1 loss to Not So Sticky is one you’d like to have back for sure. Going into this weekend’s matchup against Spinelli’s with also a 6-1 record would’ve been ideal. But you can’t change the past. Your future however, is right there in front of you. Go out and show the world who you really are this weekend.

 

I see you, 4^th and Dong.

 

You lied to us the first few weeks. After a tie with Frodo, you ran out to a 3-0-1 start, defeating the likes of the Super Freaks, Cobblestone, and Last Dance. Once you started playing the top teams in the division however, you sank like a stone. 0-3 in your last few matches, you couldn’t get over 50 points when I believed in you, and now you’re set up to get elbow dropped by the Freeballers as well. You’re a bunch of phonies. There’s a reason you lost your eggplant.

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Tight Ends In Motion 33, Sticky Bandits 18

Eyes Downtown 63, Losing Streak 6

Public Enemy 44, Sticky Bandits 35

 

               Just a brutal doubleheader for Sticky Nation as they were “blessed” with Public Enemy AND Tight Ends In Motion this week. And man did it show as there were no “last play of the game” scenarios this time around. Just beatdowns. Speaking of beatdowns, Losing Streak apparently decided to play left handed and blindfolded this weekend. I’ll just stop at “yikes”.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Public Enemy vs Losing Streak (+8) – It’s hard to really say much about this game where one team looks very good and the other looked about as bad as they ever will. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 13

 

Slob Kabombs vs Sticky Bandits (+3) – Sticky Nation attempts to right the ship against the Kabombs, who have been improving with each week. This feels like we’ll be right back to “last play of the game” excitement that Sticky just keeps giving us. SLOB KABOMBS BY 1 WHEN STICKY DOESN’T GET THE GAME WINNING TWO POINT CONVERSION

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Eyes Downtown (+2) – Despite the excitement of the 63 points last week, Eyes Downtown still isn’t quite in the champs’ league. TIGHT ENDS BY 8

 

Eyes Downtown vs Slob Kabombs (+2) – This game will be delayed for 20 minutes as they argue over who gets to wear grey. And then we’ll see a slight upset. SLOB KABOMBS BY 12

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Losing Streak (+14) – I still can’t believe a team that has two apparent “top 7” WRs only mustered 6 points. I’m sure Chris Nelson cares, but something tells me that’s been sticking with Ralph Finney for a week now. If he’s healthy (I heard something about an ankle injury), look out. LOSING STREAK WAKES UP AND WINS BY 4

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

When Dove Cries 21, Passed Our Prime 0 (Forfeit)

A&A 40, Bullet Club 30

XTC 37, Notorious BNB 22

Top Shot 39, When Dove Cries 34

Scared Hitless 38, Passed Our Prime 30

 

               Passed Our Prime’s goal of being the highest scoring team ever did what all of POP’s goals do (like winning games, for instance): fell short. They feared Topper and refused to play the game, and then showed up 6 hours later to get smacked around by Scared Hitless. They may just be a warmer weather team. A&A overcame a slow start to get by Bullet Club. XTC got win #2 with Joey Batts under center, taking out BNB. Top Shot got another big win in D2 over When Dove Cries, even though it was mired in controversy.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs Bullet Club (+10) – The scheduling ladder matches give us a replay of last week (and, if A&A wins this one, I think it guarantees we’ll have an A&A vs Bullet Club match in the first round of the playoffs). A&A looked good with their entire team showing up, Bullet Club looked like they always do: losing games and missing players. A&A BY 14

 

Top Shot vs The Notorious BNB (+8) – Top Shot has shown that they can hang in D2 no problem. At this point, they’re just playing good football as they await their eventual rematch with A&A. BNB’s up and down season has been mostly downs. Their defense (or lack thereof) will hurt here. TOP SHOT BY 16

 

Scared Hitless vs Passed Our Prime (+8) – Another rematch from last week, Scared Hitless looks to improve on last week’s win with Dylan actually playing QB this time. The result will more than likely be the same. SCARED HITLESS BY 8

 

When Dove Cries vs XTC (+6) – There’s nothing Topper wants more than to beat Joey Batts in this potential QB showdown between two icons. Sure, Dubey may show up and ruin that. But just in case he doesn’t, it’s clear Topper flew in his own personal referee in Jeff May to ref this game and shenanigans will be afoot. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 12

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Grey Hair 27, Last Dance 26

The Angels 21, Show Me Dem TDs 0 (Forfeit)

Grey Hair 27, 4^th and Dong 24

The Untouchaballs 29, 4^th and Dong 22

Frodo Swaggins 28, Super Freaks 22

Freeballers 54, Cobblestone 35

 

               The Freeballers just dominated Cobblestone in a game that seemingly took forever. Grey Hair really made a big statement this week, going 2-0 and reclaiming the top spot in the standings in D3. D3 is a complete warzone right now. There are 5 real candidates to win this thing. 4^th and Dong is no longer one of them, as they went 0-2 against the “competent” competition. Fakers. Frodo picked up a win against Super Freaks, Angels got a forfeit win. Finally, The Untouchaballs continue their dominance with another win.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Untouchaballs vs Super Freaks (+15) – This isn’t going to go well for one of these teams. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 22

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Last Dance (EVEN)  - It’s hard to gauge Frodo still as they’ve only played 5 games. They feel off this season. Last Dance is better than their record shows, and they’re feeling the heat from the “miss the playoffs” line that they’re just above. LAST DANCE BY 8

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Cobblestone (EVEN) – Reports of Garrett Beesing being All-Time QB for both teams despite busting his collarbone last week (get well soon my man) don’t feel like they’re just rumors. If anyone would do this, its him. Unsure who his replacement ends up being. COBBLESTONE BY 2

 

The Angels vs Cobblestone (+4) – Cobblestone will keep it close, but the Angels are just operating on that certain level that, when they get to it, they can’t be stopped. THE ANGELS BY 9

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Show Me Dem TDs (+9) – Grey Hair looks to keep the #1 seed for the playoffs, and with the way they’re rolling, I can’t imagine the circus that SMDTDs is every week will be able to overcome that. GREY HAIR KIND OF CARES BY 17

 

Freeballers vs 4^th and Dong (+22) – Freeballers are pretty damn good but everyone has just forgotten about them since they’ve had multiple QB changes, only 5 games, and haven’t had stability yet. 4^th and Dong are fakes. FREEBALLERS BY 15

 

The Angels vs Freeballers (+2) – This is going to be a great game. FREEBALLERS BY 2

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Breast Friends 62, Today’s Feast 26

Buffalo Vice 40, Gucci 16

Puckett All-Stars 42, Titsburgh Feelers 12*

Vaspian 40, Buffalo Vice 6

Practice Squad 38, Zack Attack 25

Vaspian 14, Falconies 9

Cunning Stunts 61, Itches and Ohs 52

 

               61-52 is a crazy stupid barnburner, and to hear that it ended on a late Joey Batts INT to seal things warmed my heart. Breast Friends are rounding into form as they handled Today’s Feast with no issue. Buffalo Vice pulled off the win against Gucci before getting punched in the mouth by Vaspian. Injuries and people not showing up are starting to rear their ugly head for Vice, again. Vaspian would also then go on to beat Falconies in a defensive battle. Practice Squad, despite injuries of their own, would go onto to put Zack Attack in their place. They’re not dead yet. Last, and certainly least, Mike Boccio made his QB re-debut and it was as much of a dud as was expected. The Emily Curry Breakfast club team filled in for the Titsburgh Quitters, and we were quickly reminded why they didn’t fare too well.

 

This Week’s Games:

Cunning Stunts vs Breast Friends (+3) – GENDER BATTLE! Both teams have played 6 games, and while the Stunts have been getting all of the press (See, they’re 5-1 compared to 3-3) Breast Friends are playing just as well. These two teams are similar. Both have league legends on both sides. Both teams have quarterbacks that are acquired tastes. Breast Friends scores a little more, the Stunts play better defense. This is going to be awesome. TIE. KIDDING. CUNNING STUNTS BY 1.

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Today’s Feast (+15) – Today’s Feast preps for their D5 future. Puckett begins their usual late ascent in the standings to pull off some playoff “upset”. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 19

 

Cunning Stunts vs Titsburgh Feelers (NO LINE) – I’m not sure if we’re getting the same team to play in place of the Feelers or if it’ll be a new team. Either way, here’s hoping we’ve seen the last of the Boccio at QB experiment. Travis kept him in D1 to protect him, not hold him down.

 

Vaspian vs Breast Friends (+2) – Two teams that are hot do battle. Last time Vaspian won 44-39, so they did have an answer for “Travis runs around a lot”. Look for them to continue their momentum. VASPIAN BY 7

 

Practice Squad vs Gucci (+10) – Gucci is still figuring out how to run an efficient TSL offense consistently. There’s always a learning curve. Practice Squad is coming out to play and not just letting the season pass them by despite the mishaps. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 9

 

Itches and Ohs vs Zack Attack (+4) – Itches and Ohs can’t stop anyone, but they also really can’t be stopped. I’m not sure Zack Attack and their growing offense can keep up in this shootout. ITCHES AND OHS BY 8

 

Buffalo Vice vs Falconies (EVEN) – I don’t know how to properly judge this game. When both are healthy, Vice runs away with this, but I know from talking to Dan Gonzalez this week its just not the case. I’m not sure the skeleton crew offense Vice trots out can score on the Falconies good D. FALCONIES BY 2

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Not So Sticky 31, TOX 0

Lettuce Win 44, TOX 14

Come From Behind 38, Woodpeckers 26

Spinelli’s Plumbing 36, Not So Sticky 16

Wasted Potential 32, Woodpeckers 6

Wasted Potential 22, 716 20

Come From Behind 36, Not So Sticky 6

 

               Come From Behind has been killing it lately and they’ve been rocketing up the standings going 2-0 on the day. Not So Sticky’s problem has apparently been playing too late in the day, as they were flawless early in the day, and painful to watch by day’s end. TOX and Woodpeckers both went 0-2 on the day, which means Lettuce Win got another victory as things might be looking up for the new (returning?) team. Wasted Potential went 2-0 themselves, handling the Woodpeckers before surviving a battle with 716.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Wasted Potential (+7) – Well, here’s another 9:00am marquee matchup. If Wasted Potential is going to be taken seriously, this is the time to show why. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 2

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs TOX (+27) – This is going to be brutal to watch, and someone may have to call the police before it’s over. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 40

 

Wasted Potential vs Lettuce Win (+13) – Lettuce Win isn’t quite there yet to compete with the tippy top of the division. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 13

 

Come From Behind vs Not So Sticky (+7) – Come From Behind’s offense is only rivaled by Spinelli’s in D5. Not So Sticky is about as “league average” as a team can get. Give me the hot hand and the ol’ gunslinger in Paul Lovullo. COME FROM BEHIND BY 12

 

716 vs Woodpeckers (+10) – 716 still doesn’t get the credit it deserves. But they’ve been a really good team since Week 1. It’s just hard when nobody knows quite who they all are. They’re good though, and even at 4-3 they’re a D5 title threat. Don’t sleep on them. 716 by 7

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Victorious Secret 35, Blitzkrieg 34

Victorious Secret 36, Blitzkrieg 18

Travis Henry’s Kids 52, Lenny’s Ladies 35

 

               Say what you want about Jordan Lawson, he’s still a good QB (Don’t look at the D1 results please, thanks). So giving him two games against an opponent means he’s going to improve that second game every time. 2-0 against Blitzkrieg, who aren’t in the best season they’ve ever had. But everyone makes the playoffs. The red hot Travis Henry’s Kids had a reported 29 people on their roster for the game against Lenny’s Ladies, and they continued to dominate.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Graves Bros (+6) – Graves Bros haven’t seemed the same to me in over a season now, and with THK just slicing through teams, I can’t imagine that getting better for GB this week. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 5

 

TMA vs Blitzkrieg (+10) – Blitzkrieg, I love you guys. I really do. But things just haven’t gone your way, and that’s okay. BK gave TMA a fight earlier in this season so the upset potential is there, especially if a week off for TMA took them off their routine. TMA BY 8

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Lenny’s Ladies (+10) – A rematch from last week, I assume Topper will be the LL QB again. I heard the Ladies were shorthanded last game, so hopefully they’ll be at full strength and we’ll see a better matchup this time. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 9

 

Victorious Secret vs Lenny’s Ladies (+6) – Ending the TSL day how we began it: GENDER TEAM BATTLE! These two teams haven’t faced off yet this season that I can see, so it’ll be awesome to have a big match feel to it. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 3

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Who has the most to prove this week? I’d say its Wasted Potential. D5 was declared “over” in Week 3, but WP has battled back to make this a race. A win, or even a close loss to Spinelli’s this week at least gives us the idea that someone else can take this title.

 

2. What referees are going to bail on the league Friday night at 10pm? I heard about the struggle with the referee schedules last weekend. It’s pretty lame of those refs to bail on their responsibility so close to Saturday like that. People are going to start having to start spinning the punishment wheel.

 

3. What teams do I want to learn more about? Well, technically all of them, but I’d like to hear more about 716, Today’s Feast, and Lettuce Win for sure.

 

4. Will any team go undefeated? There are two weeks left in the regular season. As of now, Public Enemy is 6-0, A&A is 7-0, and TMA is 6-0. I could see a TMA slipup for sure. I’m sure they have a late “we’ve been at the bar for a few hours before the game” game left on the schedule. PE looks so incredibly dominant, as long as they don’t have a “miss most of the roster” game, they should do it. I can’t see A&A losing to Bullet Club this week, so it’ll come down to next week’s “1^st vs 2^nd” matchup which aims to be against Top Shot. Spicy. I think we’ll get one at least.

 

5. Most underrated team it the TSL currently? Come From Behind has been very good lately. Freeballers are excellent as well. And we should all stop sleeping on the Slob Kabombs.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE SATURDAY:

 

1. Shout out to the people who stepped up during “RefGate” last weekend. Even if some weren’t perfect, it’s still nice of the league to come together and help out.

 

2. What happened to Notorious BNB? Weren’t they supposed to be good?

 

3. It appears the “Alex Buchilis Award For “What If This Team In D1 Had A Different QB” is going to Jordan Lawson. The emails I’ve gotten and the whispers around the league are starting to ask ‘What If?’. Interesting times ahead. Nothing shuts them up quite like winning though.

 

4. I hope I’m not speaking out of turn here, but for those who may not know, Dawson Broad of Slytherin That End Zone was involved in an accident on July 4^th. I don’t know the details on his current status, but I do know that on October 24^th, from 1pm-4pm, there is going to be a fundraiser for him at the Blackthorn Restaurant. It’s the Bills bye week that week so don’t worry about that. Anyway, a ticket is $30, and it would be awesome to see a large TSL presence there to support one of our own. I’m sure others have more information on it, and they should email me to give me more info so I can proceed to pass it on to all of you.

 

5. I’m tired of talking about the weather for this league. No matter what I say, it ends up being the opposite. It should be 74 and sunny. Which means it’s going to snow.

 

6. Next week’s article, I’d like to do a “reader mailbag” type thing, so please take a few minutes from your day and send in some questions please!

 

7. The best games to watch this week:

               9:00 – Wasted Potential vs Spinelli’s Plumbing

               10:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs Last Dance

               11:00 – Slob Kabombs vs Sticky Bandits

               12:00 – Breast Friends vs Vaspian

               1:00 – Scared Hitless vs Passed Our Prime

               2:00 – Freeballers vs 4^th and Dong

               3:00 – Buffalo Vice vs Falconies

 

8. My favorite texts I got from the fields last week had nothing to do with the games that were going on. It appears, instead, that Frank from the Wanderers was busy challenging Public Enemy to a match to see who the best team is. He claims they would win a Best of 7 series in 5 games. I heard he wanted $1000 put up on the games too. This can easily happen, and I know the TSL will accommodate such a challenge.

 

9. Referees blow calls all of the time. It’s a tough thing to do. Try to be as civil as possible. Even if they call a touchback on a fumble.

 

10. It appears that post-football darts are really ramping up at the bar. Okay, Topper just told me about how much he loves it, so that means it must be happening in some capacity. Either way, that was always a solid pastime, so get into the bar and challenge!

 

Week 7 is here, and there isn’t much else we can do about it. The playoffs are on the horizon. It’s already October. Winter Football will be back, so it won’t be too bad. Topper should have more info on that sooner than later. Just prepare to have a blast. I heard teams are already forming.

 

Go forth and have fun.

 

I’ll see you in the cut.

 

-GF

Week 5 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 17 September 2021 14:46

Published: Friday, 17 September 2021 14:46

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 3909

 

There’s nothing quite like the midseason of the TSL.

 

Teams are really rounding into form as true contenders, while others that began the season with championship dreams are starting to recognize their shortcomings might be too much to overcome. Either way, the competitive juices are flowing and things are just starting to get interesting, at least on my end.

 

This week the TSL Power Rankings committee, hot off their successful “Top 10 Female Receivers” in the league list, decided to dip right back into the well with the males, expanding it to Top 20. This is genius, because with the lone exception of the “over the hill with a few extra pounds” Mike Boccio, the entire league is complaining about their ranking. And for some, they have VERY good reason to do so!

 

Take Chris Nelson, who was ranked #2 overall, but should STILL feel slighted that he’s not #1. But what about his own teammate Ralph Finney? You’re telling me Ralph, who some feel is the best player on his own team (and thus, better than Chris) is only #7? Amazing miss there by the committee.

 

Drew Colosimo at #5 is hilarious when he’s yet to bring Topper a championship, and he couldn’t even help Vaspian to wins when he was on that team. Fun Fact: Sticky hasn’t won a game since adding him either.

 

Dave Baker gets by on name recognition nowadays, as some of the joint supplements he takes during the week actually expired before half of the Top 20 were even born.

 

Ben Stack “appeared on everyone’s list” but has never given his teams anything more than a migraine and a .500 or lower record.

 

Pete Nguyen is just fantastic and should be Top 5 easily. He’s not only the top Asian in the league, he’s also the top Pete. The disrespect here is tremendous.

 

Didn’t Paul Johnson retire 4 years ago?

 

Garrett Beesing is a national treasure, but to consider him a Top 20 male WR when his hands gave up on him in 2018 (to the point that he had to start working hard to be a terrible QB) is atrocious. Then again, maybe this list IS from 2018.

Dan Gonzalez is more than likely just shocked he’s included.

 

Kevin Zack is 72 years old. And he shouldn’t even count because he isn’t human. It’s cheating.

 

There are so many people right now just staring at this list wondering why they didn’t even get honorable mentions. Joey Batts is cutting a promo right now. Blasé LaDuca is writing a 4000 word response on how his “best friends” Chris and Sean should be unanimously 1A and 1B on a consistently rotating basis because its impossible to choose who is better while also trying to work in how his “intangibles” should have him included on the list. And my favorites, the “nobody knows who this person is but they should totally be there because of reasons” people. Look at the TSL Facebook post about the article.

 

“They clearly never see you play Ryan Rusin”.

 

The TSL as a whole: “Who the hell is Ryan Rusin?”.

 

Nobody still knows, but hey, at least I made him famous for a week.

 

But that’s just negligence on the part of not only the committee for not paying attention to D5/D6 enough, but the team (in this case, thanks to the roster sheet for telling me, Spinelli’s Plumbing) for their refusal to send *anyone* an email to hype up their own players. For all we know Ryan Rusin is a Top 10 talent, but as the late, great Macho Man Randy Savage once said “The Cream Rises To The Top”.

 

In other words, if you haven’t gotten noticed by anyone on the committee, maybe it’s because you’re not that noticeable.

 

So get to work.

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 55, Losing Streak 48

Tight Ends In Motion 30, Eyes Downtown 28

Slob Kabombs 26, Sticky Bandits 25

 

               Another week, another small slate of D1 games. PE continues to dominate the “Chris Cole Retirement Tour” which means nothing since they’ve only played two games. Losing Streak finds themselves just on the outside looking in when it comes to being a true D1 contender. Meanwhile, TEIM takes home a nice victory over New Eyes Downtown, who just don’t feel the same anymore. Can we get Beth back to start throwing elbows? Clearly, Slob Kabombs were inspired by my article last week taking a victory, as Sticky Bandits proceed to lose yet another game that maybe they should’ve won. Are we *sure* its too late for Dean Thompson to come save them?

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – Both teams are hungry for a win, as they’ve been playing ridiculously close games. But, Losing Streak is losing out to Public Enemy, not Slob Kabombs. LOSING STREAK BY 14

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Public Enemy (EVEN) – The most marquee of matchups the TSL can offer comes to center stage. This is must watch TV for anyone in the league, shame it’s so early. TIGHT ENDS BY 1

 

Losing Streak vs Slob Kabombs (+10) – The Kabombs look to keep things rolling. This is a much harder test than Sticky was last week, so it’ll be interesting to see if the Slobs measure up. LOSING STREAK BY 8

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits (+3) – Both of these teams are starting to feel like D1 jobbers. Enhancement talent for the more popular teams in the division. Could you ever imagine Bobby McConnell just sort of “being there” in D1? Father Time never loses. STICKY BANDITS BY 8

 

Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown (+9) – Toby Keith once said “I ain’t as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was” and based off what I said about Eyes Downtown a paragraph ago, I’m thinking they’re going to come hard in this one. It still won’t be enough, but it’ll be fun. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 2

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

XTC 32, Bullet Club 18

A&A 33, Top Shot 29

Scared Hitless 30, Notorious BNB 20

When Dove Cries 51, Notorious BNB 16

 

               XTC takes down Bullet Club to finally get that first win. The Notorious BNB seems to be just going through the motions, allowing Alex’s brother George to throw, and not really caring if they win or lose. Everyone makes the playoffs. Even still, Scared Hitless is 4-0 and absolutely killing it. I don’t know how Dylan got to the next level, but I think he’s here. Look out. Finally, A&A and Top Shot went to war, but the young upstarts challenged the king, and they were promptly knocked down a peg. They’ll learn from this loss and come back stronger.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Notorious BNB vs Bullet Club (+13) – Bullet Club finds themselves in games, but never scoring enough to keep pace. This barnburner of a matchup (the teams are a combined 1-9) should have some fun plays done up, but this feels more like two teams just coasting until the games matter. NOTORIOUS BNB BY 9

 

When Dove Cries vs XTC (+10) – Team Topper is chugging along at 2-2, but with a big Clarke sister birthday weekend coming up, they’re lucky this game is at 11am. XTC looks to continue their momentum, but a stifling WDC defense stands in their way. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 10

 

A&A vs Scared Hitless (+6) – A week after dismissing Top Shot, A&A gets another young and hungry team looking to make a name for themselves with a signature win against them in Scared Hitless. Hitless boasts smart males (none in the Top 20 though), a killer defense, and they have the advantage on the female end of things too. But they don’t have Matty Ice, who’s healthy and killing it right now. A&A BY 9

 

Top Shot vs Scared Hitless (EVEN) – This is a freaking awesome matchup between two of D2s rising teams. They’re even across the board. Game of the day potential right here. TOP SHOT BY 1

 

Top Shot vs Passed Our Prime (+6) – POP wants to get to the level that Top Shot is currently at. They like to score fast and often. But, as we said before, they can’t stop anyone. I feel like Top Shot will score on every possession they have, and POP will have a costly turnover or two. TOP SHOT BY 11

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

The Untouchaballs 34, Grey Hair 14

Cobblestone 36, Show Me Dem TDs 16

Freeballers 27, Super Freaks 17

The Angels 33, Frodo Swaggins 18

Freeballers 16, Last Dance 15

4^th and Dong 38, Last Dance 30

 

               Jeremy Burr has the Untouchaballs offense cruising along. The D3 QB of the year candidate dominates Grey Hair to let the entire division know they’re for real. Cobblestone had a patchwork lineup and still rocked SMDTDs without much effort. Super Freaks may have lost, but they’re getting closer to getting that first win. The Freeballers take two wins this past week, but they can’t be thrilled with their offensive output so far. 4^th and Dong sure can though as they stay undefeated and are the clear cut favorites to win D3 as we head into the season’s second half. Last Dance lost two close ones, but they shouldn’t have much to worry about as they showed just a season ago that they can get it together and make some playoff noise.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Frodo Swaggins (+7) – Is this the end for Frodo? Is the window closed for that championship? This matchup will surely show us just how close they are to being contenders. Grey Hair looks to correct last week’s hiccup. GREY HAIR BY 2

 

4^th and Dong vs Show Me Dem TDs (+15) – Scotty Dro likes to email me about how great he’s doing in D3. So I’m challenging him to score over 54.5 points this week *and* beat the 15 point spread. We’ll see if Mount Ida’s finest is up to the challenge. 4^th AND DONG BY 14. AND THEY DON’T BREAK 50.

 

The Angels vs Super Freaks (+18) – Sorry Super Freaks. You just don’t have the female talent to keep up with the Angels, who seem to have gone all “Stella” on us, and they’ve gotten their groove back. Good for the league, bad for the Freaks. THE ANGELS BY 28.

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 46, Titsburgh Feelers 7

Vaspian 24, Gucci 23

Cunning Stunts 43, Practice Squad 26

Falconies 28, Today’s Feast 21

Breast Friends 52, Gucci 36

 

               Gucci went 0-2 on the field but from all accounts they were 1-0 at the bar. Kelly Kane finally threw all day for them, and after a very close loss to a surging Vaspian team, they lost to a Breast Friends team that is extremely talented. Buffalo Vice beat Titsbugh Feelers so badly that they decided to quit football altogether. I’m not kidding. They’re done. The Stunts continue to show why they’re D3 bound next season, championship or not. Finally the Falconies picked up a win over the Feast.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice vs Today’s Feast (+12) – Today’s Feast is 1-4, sure, but their -19 point differential tells me they can hang around in most games as they figure out the TSL game. Good on them. But Buffalo Vice is a juggernaut offense that can kill you with a deep ball or on short stuff. It’ll be a challenge. BUFFALO VICE BY 19

 

Breast Friends vs Vaspian (+8) – Vaspian needs to score many gender TDs here to keep pace with Travis Clevanger-Bernal and his ladies. It’s quite the task, but Vaspian has been playing well this season, and I think this could be a surprise. VASPIAN BY 2

 

Vaspian vs Practice Squad (+5) – It was sad to hear on the podcast that Practice Squad has been suffering a rash of injuries. That explains why their once amazing defense is now the only TSL franchise that’s allowed over 200 points so far this season. Big things for Vaspian this week! VASPIAN BY 8

 

Falconies vs Gucci (+6) – The Falconies are getting next to zero respect from the TSL right now. They’re just the forgotten team as they continue to show up, do their jobs, and win games. Gucci is the fun new toy that the TSL is starting to gravitate towards. Look for the Lightning Jabronies to remind everyone who they are. FALCONIES BY 17

 

Cunning Stunts vs Zack Attack (+18) – Zack Attack is settling into D4 nicely (and I hear they have jerseys now!) but the Stunts are a different animal. However, a 3:00 game on the aforementioned “Clarke Twins birthday” has me feeling like a decent sized chunk of the ladies won’t be 100% for this one. But Joey Batts will be. And he’s F’N great. CUNNING STUNTS BY 13

 

Itches and Ohs vs Puckett All-Stars (+7) – The “add some former All We Do Is Quinn” players move isn’t quite paying off just yet for PAS as they’re uncharacteristically anemic on offense and only 1-3. Itches and Ohs has a defense that can cure any teams’ offensive woes, but love him or hate him (most pick the latter) Steve Moser can score with the best of them. Watch him do it again this week. ITCHES AND OHS BY 17

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Come From Behind 50, TOX 6

Not So Sticky 46, Lettuce Win 16

Spinelli’s Plumbing 58, Wasted Potential 30

Woodpeckers 37, 716 32

Spinelli’s Plumbing 44, Woodpeckers 22

 

               The TSL doesn’t know who Ryan Rusin is, but if he’s the catalyst for this disgustingly talented offense that Spinelli’s Plumbing has, perhaps we really do need to reevaluate the Top 20. 210 points in 5 games is tremendous and they’re they only team that scored over 200 points so far. The Woodpeckers settled into D5 nicely, and they’re 2-1 on the season after a literal up and down spring session. They handed 716 their first loss, but there’s nothing for the Pew Crew to hang their heads at. They’re doing awesome. Not So Sticky chose NOT to “Letthem win” in their game against an undermanned Lettuce Win. Come From Behind tossed up 50 against an overmatched TOX team who is currently battling some QB issues since Topper left his friends for dead.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

716 vs Come From Behind (+3) – Quite a fun matchup for two teams that have never played each other before. CFB looks to build on their big win last week whereas 716 is looking to rebound from their first ever loss. There’s a lot of fun factors here, should be a good one. 716 BY 7

 

Wasted Potential vs TOX (+11) – TOX needs to get that offense going if they want to stand a chance in D5. Wasted Potential, not surprisingly, is wasting some potential as they hover around .500 yet again. This team always bides its time and then “surprises” in the playoffs. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 14

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Lettuce Win (+17) – I don’t think Lettuce Win has the ability to stop Spinelli’s, because at this point, nobody does. SPINELLI’S BY 24

 

716 vs Lettuce Win (+10) – The backend of a doubleheader for both teams, Lettuce Win can’t do much until they learn how to score more often. 716 by 13

 

Not So Sticky vs Woodpeckers (EVEN) – a pretty marquee matchup even if it doesn’t sound like it. These teams are very evenly matched and a lot will ride on who shows up for NSS. WOODPECKERS BY 2

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Travis Henry’s Kids 42, Blitzkrieg 37

TMA 48, Victorious Secret 28

Lenny’s Ladies 45, Graves Bros 44

 

               THK finally gets their first win of the season against Blitzkrieg in a game that was going to be so boring I subconsciously skipped over even talking about it last week. And then about 47 seconds after the article was posted by Topper, Ethan was emailing me to correct me. Sorry everyone. TMA takes an easy one over Victorious Secret, putting some of the whispers about them to rest. Finally Topper filled in for an injured Joe K and lead Lenny’s Ladies to an exciting win over Graves Bros.

 

This Week’s Games:

Blitzkrieg vs Graves Bros (+3) – In missing the game in last week’s article, I was given information that BK isn’t even at 100% yet, and hasn’t been all year. Yes, everyone (okay, like 17 people) knows that QB Alex and All-World Female Allie aren’t playing, but they’re also missing a few others. Last week they needed to try out other QBs, for instance. It’ll be interesting to see how they do at “full backup strength”. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

 

TMA vs Graves Bros (+6) – Graves just narrowly lost to TMA in Week 1, so you know that’s on their minds. I was going to expect Graves to take this one, and then Ferger came back. The inspirational leader of the team will continue to right the ship. TMA BY 10

 

Victorious Secret vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+7) – If there’s something Jordan Lawson doesn’t like, its losing. The sting of a loss to TMA more than likely sat with him all week, so he’s going to take it out on Travis Henry’s Kids. He’s not going to lose 2 in a row. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 3

 

TMA vs Lenny’s Ladies (+10) – Lenny’s Ladies is 2-0 when Joe K doesn’t play, and 0-1 with him. None of that will matter since he’ll be too focused on his former love interest than he will be at being a D+ quarterback. TMA BY 20.

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Is Sticky overmatched in D1? They haven’t been winning the games they should be winning. Perhaps they should’ve dropped back down a division.

 

2. Are people taking D2 seriously? I think any one of the teams can win the championship, but while A&A takes on all comers, and new teams like Top Shot and Scared Hitless are thriving, the veteran teams like XTC, BNB, and Bullet Club are all just biding their time, having fun subs, and trying not to get anyone hurt before the playoffs. Is that the move? Does the regular season just not matter?

 

3. What do we with the Titsburgh Feelers situation? Sadly, for those that don’t know, the Feelers resigned from the league this past weekend. I talked to Topper and Joe K and while nothing is concrete, I think we’re going to get a bit of an “all-star” ensemble cast to take their spot. This team won’t be eligible for the playoffs, but they’ll exist to give the other teams an opponent each week.

 

4. Do you want to referee? Seriously, so many TSLers love this league but not nearly enough of you are stepping up to referee a game or two when we’re in peril. You don’t have to do it all day, but being able to be a “spot starter” could go a long way.

 

5. Do you want recognition? Recently people have been chattering about who isn’t being included in articles, or on the podcast, or anything TSL related. It’s very simple. You read this article. You read other articles. You listen to the podcast. Take 5 minutes out of your day and email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and give us a heads up on who you are! We have over 600 people in the league, and a lot of you are very, very new. It’s impossible for me to learn who everyone is when I live 845 miles away in a log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa and my only “lifeline” nowadays is Topper. Think about that.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. I really think the Top 20 Male WR rankings are going to inspire some very talented play this weekend.

 

2. Considering how great the weather has been for the TSL every week (it’ll be 77 and sunny again this Saturday), I think we’re overdue for a DJ Jimmy and DJ Tommy appearance.

 

3. There’s something missing from the podcasts lately. It feels “off” when I listen to them. It might just be the lack of Lenny though. Or the lack of a new intro.

 

4. Thank you again for making the TSL charity drive for the Veterans a huge success. People spun the wheel and had an amazing time. It warms my heart when I hear about how giving this league really is.

 

5. The next TSL charity drive? Did someone say Dog Adopt-A-Thon?

 

6. Anyone who takes what we do for the TSL Media over the years too seriously really needs to take a chill pill. You aren’t being personally attacked because you didn’t get ranked. Don’t ruin things for everyone else. This isn’t to anyone in particular, but if you felt even the least bit attacked by that statement, maybe you should think about why that is.

 

7. Best Game Watching Program Presented By B’s Brother:

               9:00 – Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits

               10:00 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Public Enemy

               11:00 – Graves Bros vs Blitzkrieg

               12:00 – Breast Friends vs Vaspian

               1:00 – Eyes Downtown vs Public Enemy

               2:00 -Scared Hitless vs Top Shot

               3:00 – Puckett All-Stars vs Itches and Ohs

 

I know I did two PE games, but I mean, look at them.

 

8. The amount of emails I get that are just people guessing who I am never cease to entertain me. Just this season alone I’ve been told I’m Topper, Jeff Krol, Joe K, Val Bernal, Travis, Matty Ice, Emily Curry, Emily Schilling, Axel Neff, Lenny, Tommy Hughes, Chris Cole, Dave Walter, Dave Baker, and my personal favorite “One of the guys who are Cookie and Elmo because you can walk around the fields and blend in”.

 

9. I 100% left a secret code in this article, and whoever gets it first will win a TSL prize.

 

10. There’s been chatter that we may make a “TSL Store” where you could get some cool Topper Sports swag. Is that something you’d be interested in? If you would, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

 

The TSL is at its apex! After this week, we’ll be slowly headed towards the second half of the season, winter, and the end of all this greatness. Enjoy this while you can, it always goes so fast.

 

Be safe out there, and I’ll see you next week. Good luck!

 

-GF

Week 6 Thoughts, Picks, and Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 24 September 2021 15:45

Published: Friday, 24 September 2021 15:45

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 3540

 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen and Joey Batts’ of the TSL Universe, we’ve made it all the way to Week 6 of TSL Fall 2021 season!

 

Historically, this means everyone has played over half their allotted games for the season, and with ladder matches and positioning rounds staring us in the face, things are starting to get real. In this weird season, at least scheduling wise, most teams have played 5 or more games, while some others – Eyes Downtown, Sticky Bandits, Freeballers, Frodo Swaggins, Titsburgh Feelers (Um, nevermind here), Woodpeckers, Lenny’s Ladies, and Travis Henry’s Kids have only hit 4 games played and they need to get moving. Hell, somehow, Victorious Secret only played 3 games so far!

 

But that’s too bad. Because one of my favorite gimmicks every season is the “midway point” Pretenders and Contenders article, and that’s exactly what you’re going to get today. It’s at this point that teams need that wake up call from The Godfather to let them know that “Hey, maybe you’re not as good as you think” or more likely than not “Hey, stop sucking and get your crap together.”

 

As usual, the only person who knows anything about this league is me, so I’ll gladly let you all in on what’s happening during the most current version of the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality.

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 43, Losing Streak 42

Public Enemy 29, Tight Ends In Motion 22

Slob Kabombs 48, Losing Streak 38

Eyes Downtown 36, Sticky Bandits 17

Public Enemy 47, Eyes Downtown 14

 

The Contenders With A Chip On Their Shoulder:

Public Enemy (5-0)

 

The Contenders In A “Championship Hangover”:

Tight Ends In Motion (3-2)

 

The Slightly Less Than Contenders But Pretenders Doesn’t Feel Right For Them:

Eyes Downtown (2-2)

Slob Kabombs (2-3)

Sticky Bandits (1-3)

Losing Streak (1-4)

 

Yes, this is a complete cop-out, but the truth is this: Public Enemy is on the warpath, and they’re obliterating D1 before our very eyes. This is a collection of talented football playing individuals, led by #1 TSL Wide Receiver In 2019 Maybe Mike Boccio, that are looking to send the old man out on a high note. We haven’t seen PE be this focused since we lost Lenny, and that ended in a championship as well. Tight Ends has the best chance to stop PE’s goals, I mean, they ARE the defending champs don’t forget, but they feel like they’re missing that edge this season that they had last year. It’s a lot harder to rally the troops when you don’t blow a big lead in the title game than when you do. Mix in some attendance issues all season, and you get this watered down TEIM that I expect will be a better version of itself come playoff time. As for “the rest”, I refuse to say any of these teams can’t shock the world and pull an upset on anyone above them. Eyes Downtown has a classic veteran QB in Bobby McConnell and its hard to ignore incredibly tall and handsome Jordan Neidig on his side of the field. Slob Kabombs may actually be better than everyone thinks, now that their team is showing up. Andy Smierga (I can’t believe this is an actual last name for someone, it looks like a game of Boggle where you have to figure out his actual real name from the letters given to you.) and Ben Stack are forming quite the duo for QB Seth to throw to. Their girls are also really talented too, so given 4 more games to get on the same page, damage can be done. Sticky Bandits might be 1-3, but other than the walloping given to them last Saturday by ED, they’ve literally lost their other two games on the last play. There’s a world where they’re 3-1 and everyone is touting them as the best team to knock off PE. Let’s not forget they’re still working in Drew Colosimo and Adrian Cannon to a roster that’s played together for 7 decades otherwise. Just like we saw in the playoffs last season, after Dean Thompson and Kevin Zack got comfortable in the system, the team really took off. Look for the same here. Finally, Losing Streak is 1-4, I get that. But they only have a -10 point differential. They’ve been in every game they’ve played in so far, with one score losses to ED, PE, Sticky, and the Kabombs. They have 4 more games to finish adjusting to the D1 speed of things, and with their talent, seeing them pull an ‘upset’ isn’t out of the question either.

 

So there you have it. D1 is in a good place, with a really exciting future. That feels weird to say, but here we are.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits (+2) – It just feels fitting to give Sticky a line where it comes down to a made conversion or not. Sticky turns the corner. STICKY BANDITS BY 1

 

Eyes Downtown vs Losing Streak (+6) – When these teams met, it was a 6 point win for ED in quite the barnburner. Losing Streak has made strides since then, whereas I’m not sure ED has. LOSING STREAK BY 4

 

Public Enemy vs Sticky Bandits (+10) – Last Week Sticky played a game, then hung around for a few hours and played again. They got killed in the second game. This isn’t going to be any better. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 13

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

The Notorious BNB 29, Bullet Club 28

When Dove Cries 37, XTC 22

A&A 49, Scared Hitless 34

Top Shot 33, Scared Hitless 32

Top Shot 37, Passed Our Prime 30

 

The Contenders:

A&A (6-0)

Top Shot (5-1)

 

The “Almost Theres”:

Scared Hitless (4-2)

When Dove Cries (3-2)

 

The “We’ve Got Some Shit To Figure Outs”:

The Notorious BNB (2-4)

Passed Our Prime (2-3)

 

The “You Sleep On Us Every Season When We Do Poorly In The Regular Season But Everyone Makes The Playoffs So Once Our Entire Roster Shows Up For That Game We End Up With A ‘Shocking’ Upsets”:

XTC (1-5)

Bullet Club (0-6)

 

              D2 is its usual annoying to predict self. A&A is absolutely rolling this season, and they’re one of the best teams in the league. Matty Ice isn’t nursing an “almost torn” Achillies anymore, I maybe accidentally fired up Margo and the rest of the girls, and the wide receivers average 6’7 which includes Travis Cleavenger-Bernal in that figure. Matty is talking smack, comparing himself to Aaron Rodgers, and all just seems right with the TSL. Which means the only thing left is for A&A to blow it in the playoffs (Seriously, when was the last time Matty actually won a title that the Angels didn’t carry him to? Maybe he really IS the TSL’s Aaron Rodgers.). Top Shot is hungry, and they’ve been playing excellent ball since moving to D2. They boast a complete monster in Sean Weisansal, and Dylan Jaloza just keeps getting better. Yes, I know they have a great supporting cast too. They got a little cocky playing A&A last time, poked the bear a little too hard, and got beat because of it. They learned from that mistake and I don’t think they’ll be doing that next time these two meet. Scared Hitless is a real nice feel good story, but after this past weekend, they see that they’re just outside of the championship picture. They played A&A and Top Shot and walked out 0-2. Granted, the Top Shot game was close, so they have that to hold on to as they go over ‘what went wrong’ this last Saturday. When Dove Cries has incredible talent that just needs Topper to get them the ball. He’s been able to do that more often than not, which is why they’re 3-2, and they boast the best defense in the division. There’s no reason to think they can’t compete for the title. The Notorious BNB sit at 2-4, and it seems like their record is mostly based off of roster issues. I know that they’ve had backup QBs play, or Dave Baker has missed games for them. Their -53 point differential is very telling however, and perhaps those missing pieces aren’t going to be enough to fix what ails them. Passed Our Prime still scores a whole bunch, but they would struggle to stop a .500 little loop team on defense. If they can figure that part out, they’ll be killing it. XTC and Bullet Club bring up the rear and it feels like the same old story. “So and so wasn’t there”, “we were a play away from winning”, etc. It feels like I’ve written the same things about them in this article for the last 10 seasons, leave them for dead, and then they shock the world. So I guess we’ll see how this season goes.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

When Dove Cries vs Passed Our Prime (+7) – The top D in the division takes on the Top O. I really hope both sides have everyone. Look for WDC to get a couple of stops. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 8

 

A&A vs Bullet Club (+13) – Matty talked a lot of QB smack on the podcast this week, so in his mind this is Aaron Rodgers vs Jameis Winston. 6-0 meets 0-6. Right now, A&A is just rolling, and I don’t think BC has a chance. A&A BY 17

 

The Notorious BNB vs XTC (+8) – BNB doesn’t look to have any roster.game conflicts, so perhaps we’ll get to see them at full strength this time around. BNB BY 12

 

Top Shot vs When Dove Cries (+3) – This should be a sneaky good game, but look for Top Shot to walk away with the win. TOP SHOT BY 3

 

Scared Hitless vs Passed Our Prime (+4) – Hogan, furious over losing earlier, will do his best to try to score 50 points this game. Scared Hitless, furious over getting roasted last week, will their best to stop him. SCARED HITLESS BACK ON TRACK BY 2

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 31, Grey Hair 22

Show Me Dem TDs 49, 4^th And Dong 40

The Angels 45, Super Freaks 16

 

The Contenders:

4^th And Dong (3-1-1)

Frodo Swaggins (2-1-1)

The Untouchaballs (3-2)

Grey Hair (3-2)

The Angels (3-2)

Freeballers (3-1)

 

The Pretenders:

Cobblestone (3-2)

Last Dance (2-3)

Show Me Dem TDs (2-4)

 

Super Freaks:

Super Freaks (0-6)

 

              I don’t mean any true offense to the Super Freaks, but its quite obvious they’re in the wrong division. They’re a leading candidate for the Vaspian Award for “Team that will thrive when they move to the right division”. Let’s just get through the Pretenders first. Yes, Show Me Dem TDs just beat 4^th and Dong. But other than that slightly shocking result that then entire TSL is like “how did THAT happen?”, the other games show the better story where they have the talent but its not there just yet. Last Dance made the finals last season but this year feels like the magic isn’t there. I know they’ve had QB issues, and that never leads you to a happy season. Reports of in-fighting doesn’t make anything better either. Cobblestone has been very good this season, but they’re just simply better when Garrett QBs for them than Darryl. Don’t get me wrong, its not Darryl’s fault AT ALL. The problem is that Darryl Carr QB Superstar’s offense is just too complex for the small brained members of the team, and they just mesh well with the TSL’s favorite burnout Beesing’s dumbed down offense. To clarify: Darryl is great and his team just lets him down for not being on his level, which isn’t their fault. Anyway, despite a hiccup last week, 4^th and Dong has a highpowered offense that will help them make a title run. But the world wouldn’t be complete without Scotty vs Garrett, and Frodo Swaggins is right there yet again (this looks better if they’ve played more than 4 games and were like 4-1-1 instead, I know) to stand in their way. I still don’t know what the Freeballers are this season yet, as a QB switch combined with a small body of work (there’s a Trish joke in there somewhere) means we don’t know how their next 5 games will look. Grey Hair added a lot of firepower, but for some reason they feel less dangerous than they have in the past. How is that possible? It could be just a scenario where they need to get on the same page (I was told, for instance, that Molly Morgan-Santo and Corey Santo-Morgan just recently started showing up, being selfish for doing things like “going on a honeymoon”, and honestly adding Mike Rawdin isn’t helpful as he’s one of the TSL’s most overrated players. That last line wasn’t true, but I’m 99% sure he reads this article, and I wanted to get him fired up. I know it worked.) and some more time together will get them there. They’re pretty much TBD at this point. The Untouchaballs are going to win GMs of the Year for getting “D3 QB of the Year” candidate Jeremy Burr this season. The team has taken the step to the next level because of it. I don’t know for sure if they’re going to win the title, but they’re 100% a contender for it. Which leaves us with The Angels. To quote Happy Gilmore: “Happy learned how to putt. Uh-oh.”. The Angels weren’t themselves last season as they adjusted to D3 AND adjusted to QBs that weren’t Matty. However, The Angels, (now with more Lindsey!) are figuring out the D3 game, and have the QB stability needed. They’re on their way to being the Angels we know and love (or despise), and they’re going to have a say in the D3 title.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Last Dance (+7) – This is a matchup of two teams trying to get on track for the rest of the season. If Last Dance has a QB, look for them to get a mild surprise win here. LAST DANCE BY 3

 

4^th and Dong vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+5) – Not a lovely day for GHDC, I feel bad giving them two losses, but after 4^th and Dong couldn’t even come close to scoring the “over” last week, they’re going to be more focused on the win. 4^TH AND DONG BY 8

 

4^th and Dong vs The Untouchaballs (+1) – Both teams can score, but one of these teams can actually play defense. And its not the Dongers. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 14

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Super Freaks (+17) – Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em. FRODO BY 14

 

Cobblestone vs Freeballers (EVEN) – This is a pretty damn good matchup. I’m really excited to see who pulls this one out. COBBLESTONE BY 1.

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 41, Today’s Feast 14

Vaspian 24, Practice Squad 15

Vaspian 44, Breast Friends 39

Falconies 27, GUCCI 17

Zack Attack 43, Cunning Stunts 16

Itches and Ohs 38, Puckett All-Stars 23

 

The Contenders:

Buffalo Vice (4-0-1)

Itches and Ohs (4-1-1)

Cunning Stunts (4-1)

Falconies (4-1)

Vaspian (4-1)

 

The “Won’t Miss Playoffs Probably-ers”:

Zack Attack (3-3)

Breast Friends (2-3)

 

The Pretenders:

Practice Squad (2-4)

GUCCI (1-5)

Today’s Feast (1-5)

Puckett All-Stars (1-4)

Titsburgh Feelers (1-3)*

 

*-eliminated from playoffs automatically due to quitting as a team

 

The race for the three teams that miss the playoffs is pretty hot here. Today’s Feast still finds themselves figuring out the TSL game. Puckett All-Stars know the TSL game, but for some reason they just can’t piece things together. They’re last in the division, but the have the best PD (-16) of any team in this “Pretenders” block. They’re my favorites to right the ship. GUCCI is still new to the TSL, and they’ve only had QB Kelly Kane for the last two weeks, so they’re still getting on the same page as the rust is now shaken off. Practice Squad isn’t usually in this zone, but they’ve had so many injuries that at some point it becomes impossible to overcome. Sometimes there’s just a lost season for teams, and this may be theirs. Zack Attack did just wallop the Cunning Stunts, but as it was stated before, it WAS the Clarke’s birthday, so the chances of alcohol being involved was high. I look more at the 3-3 record as their indicator of success and it feels like they’ll need another season of D4 play to really compete. Breast Friends are doing an admirable job after jumping up a division, but it seems like TCB and his girls have some work to do to get things going. After that, as of this writing, D4 has the 6^th-10^th ranked teams in the TSL. The top 5 squads in D4 are ridiculously close right now, and its going to make for some amazing football down the stretch. Vaspian has been lights out in their move to D4 and they’re a title contender. Falconies are playing wonderful defense and they score no matter who their QB is. The Cunning Stunts have been so impressive that everyone already knows they’re going to D3 next season title or not. Itches and Ohs can score and score, and score some more. They have D1 talent in females which is almost unfair for D4. General Lightning Rod Steve Moser has his offense humming. They really need to find someone to teach them how to play defense though. Until they learn to stop a team, I worry about their championship prospects. And right now, Buffalo Vice is just playing as good as they ever have. Caitlyn Mason is blossoming into a league superstar, and the offense looks tremendous. The defense is clicking. This can only mean Dan Gonzalez is staying wide awake at night, wondering just how its going to go all wrong this season.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Cunning Stunts vs Itches And Ohs (+2) – Last year when these two teams met, Itches used the clock to their advantage and pulled off a mild upset that enraged most of the Stunts. I expect that plan to be used again, and fights to occur on the field by 9:42am. ITCHES AND OHS BY 5

 

Breast Friends vs Today’s Feast (+10) – I’m not sure of anything with Today’s Feast, but unless they have a way to chase Travis down (male or female) they’re in for a long day. BREAST FRIENDS BY 28

 

Buffalo Vice vs GUCCI (+13) – The greatest show on uneven grass vs the new kids. Gucci may score a few points, but they just won’t be able to stop this team’s offense. BUFFALO VICE BY 13

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Titsburgh Feelers Replacement Team (?) – I know they’re putting together a team to play this game, but I don’t know who’s on it. Hard to guess at it.

 

Buffalo Vice vs Vaspian (+6) – Vaspian has played well, there’s not a doubt about that. I just don’t know if their D can slow down Vice either. BUFFALO VICE BY 9

 

Zack Attack vs Practice Squad (+7) – Zack Attack continues to roll and it preys on the injured fawn that is PS this season. ZACK ATTACK BY 8

 

Falconies vs Vaspian (EVEN) – Really, really good game incoming here. These two teams matchup similarly. Brian has played great at QB, but he isn’t Joe Miano yet. Yet. FALCONIES BY 1.

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Come From Behind 48, 716 25

Wasted Potential 24, TOX 19

Spinelli’s Plumbing 44, Lettuce Win 22

716 36, Lettuce Win 26

Woodpeckers 26, Not So Sticky 20

 

The Contenders:

Spinelli’s Plumbing (5-1)

 

The Non-Spinelli’s Contenders:

716 (4-2)

Woodpeckers (3-1)

Wasted Potential (3-2)

 

The Pretenders:

Not So Sticky (2-2)

Come From Behind (2-3)

Lettuce Win (1-4)

TOX (0-5)

 

               This is Spinelli’s division to lose. I knew they were good last season, but they’ve gotten even better this year. They’re scoring with ease (apparently this is due to whoever Ryan Rusin is?), and after a Week 1 loss to 716, they’re 5-0 and running all over the division. 716 was the team that beat Spinelli’s, yes, but I’m starting to think that was an outlier rather than what we should think. 716 has a great offense, but the defense needs work, and that will cost them as the season goes along. Someone tell Derek Pew to stop being a great realtor and email me about this team. The Woodpeckers look like they’re finally where they should be, and with people talking about how well Sarah is playing for them, she looks to be the next great TSL female someone steals from the Buscaglias. Wasted Potential is better than 3-2, but I know they’ve had QB issues with Coach Jay actually coaching and not playing. If they ended up winning the whole thing, I’m not going to be surprised. As for the rest of the crew, Come From Behind can hang with anyone, for sure, but as the weather gets colder, their joints are going to really start hurting sooner than later. Lettuce Win doesn’t look to be much of a factor in the title picture, as they’re still figuring things out in terms of their roster. TOX will lose to you on the field, but they will absolutely dominate you at the bar. Not So Sticky has a roster with a lot of “names” but they’re just there for the fun of it all, and its hard to take teams like that as serious title contenders. Which is fine, by the way.

 

This Week’s Games:

Not So Sticky vs TOX (+5) – I can’t imagine NSS being actually drunk for this game at 9am. Right? RIGHT? NOT SO STICKY BY 14

 

Lettuce Win vs TOX (EVEN) – TOX, sick of coming close and losing, gut this one out and take the win! TOX BY 7

 

Woodpeckers vs Come From Behind (+7) – If the Woodpeckers have their usual compliment of men with muscles, the ladies from CFB will be way too distracted to play their best. WOODPECKERS BY 8

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Not So Sticky (+10) – NSS will definitely be drunk-ish for this game. And they’re going to need to be. It’s going to hurt. SPINELLI’S BY 18

 

Wasted Potential vs Woodpeckers (+3) – Here’s another sneaky good game that will mean a lot for seeding purposes. Wasted Potential plays to their potential here. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 3

 

716 vs Wasted Potential (+3) – Let’s spice up the standings completely here. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 2

 

Come from Behind vs Not So Sticky (EVEN) – I just think this is going to be the most fun game of the day. Especially if CFB gets on board with the drinking aspect NSS brings to the table. COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

TMA 32, Graves Bros 31

Travis Henry’s Kids 38, Victorious Secret 32

TMA 32, Lenny’s Ladies 28

 

The Contender:

TMA (6-0)

 

The Other Contenders:

Lenny’s Ladies (2-2)

Graves Bros (2-4)

Travis Henry’s Kids (2-2)

Victorious Secret (1-2)

Blitzkrieg (1-4)

 

               I know that TMA has gotten a lot of smack for staying in D6 to be “big fish in a small pond”, but honestly, it’s not nearly as bad as it looks on paper. Yes, they’re the TSL’s #1 ranked overall team. Yes, they’re 6-0. But if you do a quick deep dive into their games, you come across this: Win by 2, Win by 9, Win by 1, Win by 20, Win by 1, Win by 4. With the lone exception of the 20 point win (which was clearly because Ferger was here) against Victorious Secret, TMA isn’t killing anything. They’ve been down in most of their games, and they’ve had to comeback in half of their wins. So maybe we can pump the brakes a little bit on how they should’ve moved up. (although, flipping them and TOX was probably the move). D6 can be won by any of the teams in it, TMA just has the best chance. Graves Bros are having an up and down season, but they’re 0-2 against TMA, losing on the last play of the game and blowing a 2 score lead last week. Lenny’s Ladies (albeit with Topper at QB) had the lead late until a Brent McKenzie INT gave TMA the spark needed to win. Travis Henry’s Kids have won their last two games and are looking to keep the good times rolling (they haven’t played TMA yet, and it seems their matchup this week has been moved). Blitzkrieg lost to them by a point and they haven’t even had a full roster yet. And Victorious Secret looks a lot better this season in their 3 games, and I expect them to win 3-4 more games for sure. D6 is a lot more up in the air than people realize. TMA just has the advantage of having Diana Bernal, which is the X factor of the century.

 

This Week’s Games:

Victorious Secret vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) – These teams are playing at 9am and then again at 11:00. BK is still trying to figure out who their QB is, while VS has the best one in the division with Jordan Lawson. Then again, they also have the best Lawson in the league with Anna on the team. The Secret girls are still one of the best kept secrets in the league, and I think they show everyone a glimpse into D6’s future this week. But, I’m not going to completely count out Blitzkrieg, and I truly think these two teams split this series. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 6, BLITZKRIEG BY 10.

 

Lenny’s Ladies vs Travis Henry’s Kids (EVEN) – THK has been much better since this last meeting, rattling off a few wins. The Ladies have also been playing very well this season. Everyone seems to be having fun, but let’s see if someone remembers to NOT wear green this week. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 3

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Who’s ready for the weather? After an unprecedented amount of great weather, this weekend looks like it’s going to be cold and a little rainy. This is when champions are forged.

 

2. What are the biggest overreactions from last weekend? Despite some interesting results, I wouldn’t read too much into the Cunning Stunts’ blowout loss to Zack Attack that much. Nor would I write Scared Hitless off either. They went 0-2, sure, but it was against A&A and then it was only a one point loss to Top Shot.

 

3. Is this the week the bar is rocking INSIDE? The fall session has long been known for playing songs on the jukebox, loud singing, lots of dart games, shots, and bets. The “not ideal” weather mentioned earlier may get the TSL back to its roots: being annoying to the Dinner Crowd.

 

4. Seriously, who is going to win D4? The top teams are all so close! The more I stare at it, the more I think it’s Buffalo Vice’s year. This is usually a death sentence when I pick you, but I think they’re the most complete team.

 

5. What teams need to have good showings this weekend? I think half of D1, Last Dance, Woodpeckers, and Vaspian could all really use big weekends. Vaspian especially. Not to be negative to them, but if they go 2-0 against Buffalo Vice and Falconies, that’s a VERY big statement to make to the entire league.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Please try to show up on time this week, AND PLEASE pick up your garbage. If you bring a bucket to the fields, or a water bottle, take the empties with you. Its bad enough people have to pick up after you, but if its raining on top of it? Yikes.

 

2. My new favorite Sunday/Monday activity is looking through the TSL pictures and seeing how many dogs are hanging out. We need some sort of TSL Dog collage.

 

3. The best game watching:

               9:00 – Itches and Ohs vs Cunning Stunts

               10:00 – Sticky Bandits vs Tight Ends In Motion

               11:00 – Top Shot vs When Dove Cries

               12:00 – Losing Streak vs Eyes Downtown

               1:00 -4^th and Dong vs The Untouchaballs

               2:00 – Falconies vs Vaspian

               3:00 – Scared Hitless vs Passed Our Prime

 

4. I’ve heard many reports of people bringing pop up tents to the fields and hanging out underneath them like some sort of tailgate all day. This is awesome.

 

5. The Referee Shortage seems to be higher than ever. Thank you again to all of you that volunteer to help out. If you’d like to ref, please contact ANYONE and help out!

 

6. The podcast was a fun listen, even if it was two hours long. Matty Ice called out just about everyone, so I wonder if he’ll have some repercussions for his actions. This league needs more drama, and fast. Someone call Moh.

 

7. Currently overrated teams: Top Shot, Grey Hair, 4^th and Dong.

 

8. Currently underrated teams: XTC, Sticky Bandits, Last Dance, Travis Henry’s Kids

 

9. It really irks me how D4 has 12 teams, and others have 6 or 8. The competition committee needs to prevent this in the future.

 

10. Teams are starting to form for the indoor league, but more importantly, the whispers have begun about the banquet, which is really the only reason to play in the TSL. Life long friendships come second to the greatest party of the year. And what’s this? Perhaps a random draw tournament as well? The Rameer Cup? Could be one hell of an “offseason”.

 

Bring a change of clothes this weekend, chances are you’re going to get a little muddy. Go forth and have fun. Good luck to everyone out there. And as always, take care of each other.

 

-GF

Week 4 thoughts, picks, and Insights

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 10 September 2021 14:37

Published: Friday, 10 September 2021 14:37

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1384

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, just like that, we’re in Week 4 of the TSL Fall 2021 season. To say things have been less than “normal” would be an understatement. We’ve had quite our fair share of unique scenarios already start to play out here. Just look at this list of ridiculousness:

 

·        For the ‘Fall’ season, each of the first 3 weeks have been very hot. This Saturday looks to continue that trend.

·        Matty Ice not only has A&A as the #1 overall team in all of the TSL, but he’s spent more time on the fields than at the bar.

·        THREE Teams in D1 have only played 1 game so far this season

·        716 has established themselves as D5 favorites after just coming into the league as new team

·        The QB Rankings Committee botched their “Top Female WR Rankings” with relative newcomer Melanie Linsmair placing 3^rd.

·        It’s hard to argue the Bar Legends list from this week though. (Dave Walter over Darryl Carr though, please)

·        Itches and Ohs are 3-1-1, but only have a point differential of 5

·        XTC and Bullet Club are a combined 0-8, and they’ll only get a win this week because they play each other.

·        People are starting to like Blasé LaDuca

 

You see? Pure madness, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

 

So you must be asking yourself: What does it all mean? The answer is very simple. Absolutely nothing. Time and time again I stare at game results and the standings around midseason and I try to predict how things are going to go, and while I’m usually 100% accurate in everything I say, sometimes Topper enters things incorrectly into the website which makes it seem like I’m wrong.

 

However, in the spirit of fantasy football season getting ready to go (and just a day after the greatest quarterback who ever lived, Tom Brady (ever heard of this guy? He’s like if Darryl Carr ever actually tried hard), led his team to yet another victory) I’ll be giving you some Bold Predictions for each division, ranging from mild to spicy.

 

So let’s get to it:

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Tight Ends In Motion 45, Slob Kabombs 19

Tight Ends In Motion 37, Sticky Bandits 30

 

               Not much to report from D1, except the champs are back, doing what they do best. Win football games. But let’s not get things confused here. TEIM and Sticky, in their first meeting since the playoff matchup from last season, had another barnburner here that had Sticky *JUST* fall short yet again.

 

BOLD PREDICTIONS:

 

Mild – Slob Kabombs do absolutely nothing of note the rest of the season besides flirt with going 0—9.

 

Hot – Public Enemy doesn’t get a bye as the “Chris Cole Last Dance” tour only proves that he’s a broken down old man who should’ve walked away a season sooner, and that he’s only been a product of the Lenny/Tommy Hughes system this whole time.

 

Spicy -  Losing Streak and Sticky Bandits meet in the D1 championship game.

 

This Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits vs Slob Kabombs (+10) – A well oiled machine takes on the complete opposite of a well oiled machine. STICKY BANDITS BY 10

 

Public Enemy vs Losing Streak (+1) – Game of the Day. Let’s see just how well the D2 champs measure up to one of the greatest teams ever assembled in the TSL. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 3.

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Eyes Downtown (+6) – Somehow Eyes Downtown, who have been a D1 contender for a decade or so, is getting lost in the shuffle of everyone else’s much more interesting storylines. I think we need a Bobby Beatdown where he just reminds everyone who he is. Sadly, this isn’t it. D1 may have just passed him by, and no amount of Soccer Complex practices can save him. TIGHT ENDS BY 9

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Scared Hitless 36, XTC 20

When Dove Cries 36, Bullet Club 28

Top Shot 33, Notorious BNB 22

Scared Hitless 32, When Dove Cries 28

Top Shot 39, XTC 36

Passed Our Prime 41, Bullet Club 26

A&A 39, Passed Our Prime 38

              

               Scared Hitless continues their hot start in D2, moving to 3-0 with wins over XTC and Team Topper. These are the teams they were losing to last season, so things continue to be on the right track for them. Top Shot also moves to 3-0 in the division with two big wins of their own against BNB and XTC. However, A&A (even with Matty holding a beverage for part of the game) stays on top of the division with a win over POP to move to 4-0. WDC and Bullet Club had a nice back and forth affair, with WDC getting the win on the last play of the game with a dropped gender TD by BC that would’ve tied the game. Bullet Club would go on to lose to POP later in the day as well.

 

BOLD PREDICTIONS:

 

Mild – A&A will go undefeated in the regular season.

 

Hot -  XTC and Bullet Club will go a combined 1-17 on the season, yet somehow both will provide first round upsets in the playoffs.

 

Spicy -  Passed Our Prime will continue their assault on the Points For record book, scoring at an unseen pace in TSL history. However, their defense will remain awful, and they will also set records for Points Against as they can’t stop anyone. They’ll end up 4-5 and lose in the first round of the playoffs.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Notorious BNB vs When Dove Cries (+7) – BNB tries to pull a fast one on Topper by getting him to play at 9:00am, thinking he wouldn’t be ready. The joke is on them though, as Breakfast Club’s all time winningest QB thrives that early. The last time he played at 9am, he threw TEN touchdowns in a single game. We’ll ignore that most were to the other team. NOTORIOUS BNB BY 4

 

XTC vs Bullet Club (+3) – Two 0-4 teams meet up on the field of battle to see which one of them won’t lose every game this season. XTC BY 9

 

A&A vs Top Shot (EVEN) – Dear Top Shot, you want to be recognized as a great team. You want to go down in history as the best. Well, to be the man, you’ve got to beat the man. Matty Ice stands in your way of glory. Yes, we’re going to ignore that A&A trots out tremendous other players on their stacked roster. If TS wants the glory, they can take it right here. TOP SHOT BY 8

 

Scared Hitless vs The Notorious BNB (+5) – Scared Hitless, see Top Shot above this. New team, starting to thrive in D2, and while this game won’t be as big of a deal as the one above, it’ll still be a damn good one. BNB will be without Dave Baker since TEIM plays at the same time though, so it won’t be as good of a battle as we’d hope. SCARED HITLESS BY 10

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

The Angels 43, Last Dance 28

Frodo Swaggins 42, Untouchaballs 40

Grey Hair 47, Super Freaks 27

Freeballers 23, Show Me Dem TDs 16

4^th and Dong 52, Cobblestone 30

 

               The Angels beat up on Last Dance so badly, MULTIPLE INFORMANTS emailed me to tell me how JZ not only cried on the fields, he used a timeout just to quit the game. I hope someone reaches out to him to get him the help he deserves. Frodo slips by Jeremy Burr and the Untouchaballs who have really been balling out this season, despite the 2-2 record. Grey Hair drops the elbow onto Super Freaks, who aren’t playing as bad as may have been reported earlier. They’ll win a few before the season ends. Freeballers sneak past Show Me Dem TDs to get their first of many wins of the season. 4^th and Dong shows they’re a D3 force this season by blowing up Cobblestone as well.

 

BOLD PREDICTIONS:

 

Mild – 4^th and Dong doesn’t lose a game en route to #1 seed in the division.

 

Hot – Frodo Swaggins finishes at .500 and don’t factor into the championship yet again.

 

Spicy – Jeremy Burr leads The Untouchaballs to the D3 title game and wins D3 QB of the Year over Dave Eickhoff and “Couldn’t do it in D2 so I had to go back to hide and thrive in D3” Scotty Dro.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs The Untouchaballs (+7) – Hot on the heels of my spicy prediction, Burr can prove me right (or very, very wrong) with a great showing here against the 3-0 GHDC. Grey Hair is playing well on both sides of the ball, so it’ll be fun to see if they show any cracks. GREY HAIR BY 8

 

Cobblestone vs Show Me Dem TDs (+6) – Cobblestone sits at 2-2, which shows it really doesn’t matter what division they’re in. While both teams give up similar amounts of points, Cobblestone is just significantly better on offense, which should give them the win. COBBLESTONE BY 10

 

The Angels vs Frodo Swaggins (+8) – Both teams are still finding their legs this season as they both got their first victories of the season last week. The girls dominance over Last Dance gives me hope that they’re “Back”, not they they’ve gone anywhere. If the girls can contain Nick Buczek in the redzone, and force Garrett into a few bad throws, they can take this. They won’t.  FRODO SWAGGINS BY 2.

 

Freeballers vs Super Freaks (+7) – Freeballers have made the change to Dylan Jaloza at QB and it should unlock this offense’s potential on the field. At the very least, they’re getting the right team to work out the kinks (if there’s any) against. FREEBALLERS BY 12

 

Freeballers vs Last Dance (+3) – I’m not sure what’s going on with Last Dance. Is Diva JZ going to be back? Are they good telling him to stay home and not be a distraction? If he stays away, they win, if he shows up, they lose. Being selfish like he was last week is a big reason he’s always a free agent. LAST DANCE BY 6 WITHOUT JZ, FREEBALLERS BY 8 WITH JZ.

 

4^th and Dong vs Last Dance (+8) – It won’t matter if he’s here or not for this game against D3’s newest juggernaut though. 4^th AND DONG BY 13

 

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Vaspian 42, Today’s Feast 16

Cunning Stunts 35, Today’s Feast 14

Practice Squad 35, Puckett All-Stars 30

Breast Friends 35, Zack Attack 15

Zack Attack 55, Titsburgh Feelers 25

Itches and Ohs 46, Buffalo Vice 46

Titsburgh Feelers 32, Falconies 30

Cunning Stunts 50, GUCCI 15

 

               Every team in D4 has at least 1 win now as Vaspian, Breast Friends, and the Titsburgh Feelers all pick up their first wins. Itches and Ohs tied Buffalo Vice at 46 as two of the top D4 teams had a crazy battle. The Stunts keep rolling with 2 wins at a combined score of 85-29. Practice Squad gets a very good win against Puckett in a “probably will matter for tiebreakers later” matchup.

 

BOLD PREDICTIONS:

 

Mild – The Cunning Stunts, now at full strength after a year, continue to roll and win D4, moving up to D3 to resume the battle with The Angels

 

Hot – Breast Friends are the team that loses to the Stunts in the championship game.

 

Spicy – Itches and Ohs AND Practice Squad get upset in the first round of the playoffs, and the Falconies end up being one of the teams that miss them completely.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice vs Titsburgh Feelers (+12) – Buffalo Vice can score regardless of who the QB is. Titsburgh Feelers sort of can’t stop anyone. Not the recipe they’re going to need to pull off this upset. BUFFALO VICE BY 20

 

Cunning Stunts vs Practice Squad (+8) – The Stunts end up losing Renee Lantz to her actual team, but I think they’ll still be able to weather the storm here. The once fearful PS defense has been abysmal this time around. CUNNING STUNTS BY 5

 

Vaspian vs Gucci (EVEN) – Vaspian won this past week big because they got QB Brian Orzo back from injury (he wasn’t the reason they lost 30-8 the first week, as his email to me nicely pointed out), and with some new faces they have a renewed confidence in themselves. Gucci is, as far as I know, a team chock full of continuity for the last few seasons, which can never be underestimated. This should be a really good game. GUCCI BY 1

 

Falconies vs Today’s Feast (+10) – Just because I made my Spicy prediction about the Falconies doesn’t mean they won’t ever win again. TF hasn’t been great since a big Week 1 win, and that trend may look to continue this time around against Kicak and company. FALCONIES BY 17

 

Breast Friends vs Gucci (+9) – If the “Kelly Kane is the regular QB” rumors are true, this is the time to fully unleash her on the TSL. The way to beat a gender team is to score all gender TDs, and having a female slinging the rock will get you there. Add in taking your fastest guy or girl on your roster to rush Travis Cleavanger-Bernal and not give him the 12 minutes per play he takes scrambling before something opens up and you have the ingredients to win this thing. GUCCI BY 7

 

Cunning Stunts vs Breast Friends (+4) – LETS GOOOO. Gender games are the absolute best in the league, and we’ve got a great one to end the day. The Stunts have played together longer. Joey Batts is a better QB than Travis, but Travis is a better defender. The problem for BF is that when gender teams meet in the TSL, the gentlemen don’t play defense because we’re all about Girl Power here. That takes away any advantage for the BFs. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Wasted Potential 42, Lettuce Win 20

Wasted Potential 35, Come From Behind 24

Spinelli’s Plumbing 39, TOX 24

WoodPeckers 37, TOX 21

Spinelli’s Plumbing 42, Come From Behind 39

716 44, Not So Sticky 30

 

               Big day out of Wasted Potential as Coach Jay appeared this week and helped them win two games that they really should’ve won. MaKensey Pietz has put together a killer squad yet again. Spinelli’s gets their first two wins in D5, helping keep TOX and CFB winless on the season. The Woodpeckers find a home in D5 and they hammer out their first win in what feels like forever. Finally, 716 stays on top of the division with a win over NSS.

 

BOLD PREDICTIONS:

 

Mild – Wasted Potential and Spinelli’s Plumbing meet in the finals

 

Hot – Woodpeckers never lose a game until the playoffs.

 

Spicy – Not So Sticky makes a commitment to being sober and focuses on their on field play, resulting in a sterling 3-6 final record.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind vs TOX (+3) – Both teams are very similar matched in our battle of the 0-3s. The biggest difference is that Paul LoVullo is a fantastic QB who has seen it all in his career, which started back in 1875. There’s nothing TOX can throw at that kind of experience to surprise him. COME FROM BEHIND BY 13

 

Not So Sticky vs Lettuce Win (+3) – I’m not sure how the “early” game will affect NSS, but I’m sure it just means they’ll be having halftime mimosas instead of shotgunning trulys or whatever they do during halftime. I’d still like to know more about Lettuce Win, so hopefully they email me and inform me. NOT SO STICKY BY 1

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Wasted Potential (EVEN) – HERE WE GO! This is a marquee matchup pitting two of D5s best against each other. After both teams went a combined 4-0 last week, it only makes sense for them to battle each other and see who’s on top of the mountain. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 4

 

716 vs Woodpeckers (+6) – Woodpeckers had an easier game against TOX to get acclimated to playing again, but they get thrown right into the fire against a surging 716. 716 has been really awesome this season so far, even though I don’t know much about them either (hint hint Mr. Pew). Anyway, I think 716 continues to roll. 716 BY 7

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Woodpeckers (+7) – After a hard fought game against Wasted Potential, Spinelli’s gets the Woodpeckers. The Peckers are also on their second game of the day, and I think they’ll be getting a big win to make this the winningest season in Woodpeckers history. WOODPECKERS BY 8

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Blitzkrieg 22, Lenny’s Ladies 0

TMA 30, Blitzkrieg 29

 

               It was a very Blitzkrieg heavy day for D6, as BK went 1-1 with a win over Lenny’s Ladies and a close loss against TMA.

 

BOLD PREDICTIONS:

 

Mild – TMA runs the table, going undefeated on the season.

 

Hot – Lenny’s Ladies doesn’t win another game the rest of the season

 

Spicy – Victorious Secret has a great playoff, beating TMA (who will go to Johnny Dio full time after this season) to win the D6 championship. Jordan Lawson pairs this D6 title with his D1 title and takes both championships back to Game On!, never to be heard from in the TSL again.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

TMA vs Victorious Secret (+7) – You know, for a TMA team that decided to hide in a weakened D6 instead of moving up to D5, they’re not dominating as much as I thought they would. They had to sneak out a win against Graves Bros, and again against Blitzkrieg a week after beating them by 9. VS had a great Week 1 but we haven’t seen them since. Perhaps some rust has formed. TMA BY 3

 

Graves Bros vs Lenny’s Ladies (+10) – Lenny’s Ladies beat Graves Bros last year in a semi-surprising upset that sent Graves Bros in a tailspin that haven’t quite fully pulled out of. They’ll be attempting to right the ship this time around. GRAVES BROS BY 6

 

Victorious Secret vs Lenny’s Ladies (+1) – Last season these two teams had an excellent matchup that was more exciting than it had any right to be. Lenny’s Ladies pulled off the late win that time, but they don’t have superhuman Robin Makula on the team anymore to bail them out.  I expect to see VS “get their win back” in another exciting game. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 4

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Are you donating to the Veterans? The TSL did AMAZING with the donations in Week 1 of our charity drive. Topper was overwhelmed! We’re doing it for one more week, and we encourage all who would like to donate to do so again. We have more than enough Soap, Shampoo, and Toothbrushes, so if you’re wondering what to donate please grab socks and underwear!

 

2. Are you spinning the wheel? The Topper sports wheel is making its return, and for $5 you get to spin the wheel. Topper will be giving out prizes and you get delicious homemade pudding shots as well! Come have fun as we raise some cash for a good cause!

 

3. Are you staying hydrated? Another scorcher seems to be in the cards for you guys at the fields (mind you, its going to be 95 degrees here in Des Moines) so remember to drink your fluids and use sunscreen. Be smart.

 

4. Who will be on top of D2 when the day comes to a close? Top Shot is going to beat A&A, but I think Notorious BNB will beat Scared Hitless, meaning Top Shot will be on top after this week.

 

5. Which ‘Spicy’ level prediction do you think actually can happen? I think its very plausible that Jordan wins D1 and D6. People are underestimating the pink.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. How have you guys not had a dunk tank yet when it’s been so hot?

 

2. Thank you to everyone that donated to the Veterans last week (and will this week!). That’s so awesome and you really did show just how great this league really is.

 

3. I do this a lot, but another shout out goes to Coach Jay for being just awesome. He’s busy being an actual coach, a great dog dad, dealing with his wife, setting the referee schedule, finding more refs, and just does it all with that smile on his face. Thank you.

 

4. Here are the best games to watch this week:

               9:00 – Notorious BNB vs When Dove Cries

               10:00 – Grey Hair vs Untouchaballs

               11:00 – Losing Streak vs Public Enemy (Sorry Top Shot vs A&A)

               12:00 – Victorious Secret vs TMA

               1:00 – Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Wasted Potential

               2:00 – Woodpeckers vs 716

               3:00 – Cunning Stunts vs Breast Friends

 

5. Thank you to the TSLers who take the time to email me, as always. I got a few new emails from some teams I hadn’t heard from in a bit this week and it was very helpful! Please take a second to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. so I know more about your squad!

 

6. I still hear the same old intro to the podcast Joe K. However, this week’s episode with Dylan and Blasé was surprisingly fun to listen to. We need more Joey Batts though.

7. Where is B’s Brother? Someone needs to find him, it’s been far too long.

 

8. With the recent “rankings” the TSLQBPRC has been churning out, it got me thinking what other good lists should they put out? Best teams ever? Hall of fame lists? Most creative teams? Best jerseys?

 

9. I usually get a lot of complaints by Week 4 about the field conditions. I haven’t received any really. Am I to assume they’re great? Or are people tired of complaining.

 

10. I haven’t heard of DJ Jimmy or Tommy appearing to play music. Considering how nice it’s been, maybe we should get the tunes pumping?

 

We’re smack dab in the middle of another interesting TSL season, and with the way the first 3 weeks have gone, we’re in for some craziness for the next 6. Buckle your seat belts.

 

I look forward to hearing about how this week went.

 

Go Bills.

 

-GF