Fall 2022 Thoughts, Predictions and stuff

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 19 August 2022 12:29

Published: Friday, 19 August 2022 12:29

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1457

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday August 20th in the Year of Our Lord 2022, the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality begins once again as the Topper Sports League returns to the Lenny Alba fields behind the Rose Garden at the Angry Buffalo. This season will see 50 teams over 7 divisions go to battle on the gridiron (and at the bar!) to see who will be forever immortalized in history on October 22nd as a TSL Champion. 

 

Now I know what some of you long time TSLers are thinking: First off, isn’t the season starting a little early? And secondly: seven divisions? Did you add a D7? Allow me to help with this. It’s true, the Fall session for the TSL used to be decided in November, after a September start. However, through Topper’s great foresight, he realized that it tends to snow in November. As a result, he once made the schedule so that the league ended in the last week of October. It was great, as it worked pretty well with the TSL Costume Drunk Bow….er, 4 o’clock Game with Costumes would transpire shortly after the championships thanks to it being Halloween weekend. Pretty savvy move from the Undefeated TSL Executive of the Year. Well, that didn’t give much wiggle room in case of a dreaded rainout (or, I guess, snowout) week, so bumping things up to where we are now can potentially, I repeat, POTENTIALLY, give the league a week to work with if needed. Don’t get your hopes up though. It could also be an excuse to run a Halloween Costume Football Tournament the week after the season ends. Hmm. 

 

As for the 7 divisions? Well, the TSL finally went ahead and listened to what the people wanted: Breakfast Club is now also a fall event! Historically, BC has only been in the Spring session, but now that the sublist is directly tied into who plays in Breakfast Club, the hunt for Social Co-Ed Draft Football Mimosa Morning Glory brought to you by delicious Breakfast Sandwiches is a year round event! Well, it probably won’t happen in the Winter League. I think. 

 

There are, of course, some other changes to discuss as well. Over the offseason, I’ve had many conversations with Topper that have ranged from “I’m not going to the fields at all this season” to “I’ll probably be there most weeks”. The point is, Topper is a little burned out as he builds the foundation for TSL Ireland AND having a wicked contract dispute this offseason with Cookie Monster. He’s given the keys to the league to the Board of Directors (aptly named by Rameer) which all that means for you is that you need to do more complaining to Jeff Krol, Joe K, Travis, and our NEW Head of Officiating: Garrett Beesing!

 

Yes, its true, as Coach Jay leaves TSL reffing in a great place as he and Emily prepare to welcome the potential #1 overall pick in the TSL 2044 Draft into the world (Devon Cleavenger-Bernal might have something to say about that), Garrett has stepped into some large shoes to fill, but everyone is mostly confident he’ll do a moderately okay job. 

 

The point is, if you see Topper at the fields, give him Coronas and hugs only. 

 

I think that’s it for special offseason nonsense I was told to write about, so let’s get into the real reasons you’re all here: CHAMPIONSHIP ODDS, PREDICTIONS, AND GAME LINES. 

 

D1:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Legends (3-1)

Eyes Downtown (5-1)

Sticky Bandits (6-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (10-1)

Scared Hitless (12-1)

Passed Our Prime (17-1)

Grey Hair Don’t Care (20-1)

 

Preseason Predictions: So when we last saw D1, it was a 4 team shell of itself. The Legends proceeded to make arguably the most stacked team in TSL history with the intention of “buying” a championship. And despite midseason concerns with their subpar QB and who should replace him, they got it together and took home the title. What do they do for an encore? They add Jeremy Burr (who I can only assume will start at QB as the best one on the roster) and Pete Ngyuen, as the former “Best Tommy Hughes” award winner has returned to the TSL! All in all, the Legends will be hard to beat and are the favorites to repeat. Eyes Downtown added some talent themselves, locking in journeyman Ben Stack and Seth Molinsari as a response to yet another season without a title for Bobby McConnell. Sticky Bandits haven’t really made any changes, and they were THIS CLOSE to taking home the championship. Every season they seem to get a little bit closer to that D1 title. Scared Hitless didn’t win the D2 title, even though they probably should have. However, after a season of dominating D2 AND winning their D1 crossover game, they’ve entered themselves into D1 with the hopes of competing right away. There isn’t much turnover from last season’s team, but they did add Mike Rawdin to give them some extra pop. Speaking of POP, Passed Our Prime DID win D2, and Hogan immediately said he’d be going right to D1. That was a bold declaration, as it meant losing Kyle Conniff and Sean Weasel from the roster, but Hogan has never played scared before, and isn’t going to start now. Finally, Grey Hair Don’t Care got bumped up to D1 as well, which is a good thing as they began to show signs of dominating D2 last season as well. They factored into the title picture last season when we didn’t think they would, so I wouldn’t be shocked if they did it again this season in D1. They have all the talent in the world (and JZ!), so what better time than now to make a run at the D1 title. 

 

Prediction: Legends take two in a row, beating Eyes Downtown in the final. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Legends vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+14) - Not the world’s greatest way to start in D1 for GHDC. The Legends (who might actually have a ring ceremony before the game) come into this one hyped and ready to defend their title. Joey and Sean have been sleeping together the entire offseason to make sure they stay in sync (no truth to the rumors that they made Jill sleep on the couch, yet), and they’re just focused on the repeat. Hard to go against them. LEGENDS BY 17

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Scared Hitless (EVEN) - A marquee D2 matchup from a season ago turns into a hell of a D1 matchup to kick off the season here. Hitless gets Grey Hair coming off a hell of a game with the Legends, so it gives them a slight advantage here. These teams know each other pretty well, and both will be looking as this game as a “must win” in terms of standings and positioning. SCARED HITLESS BY 6

 

D2:

 

Championship Odds:

 

DILFS (4-1)

Frodo Swaggins (5-1)

The Untouchaballs (7-1)

No Punt Intended (9-1)

Freeballers (15-1)

The Replacements (20-1)

Buffalo Vice Retro (22-1)

 

Preseason Predictions: The Dilfs are the de facto favorites as they’re the only team from D2 last season that’s still here. They’ve played in D2 for so long, they have an advantage over other teams that are still being put together and learning how to play with each other. Frodo Swaggins, after 10 seasons of almost winning D3, decided to shake up the roster a little and make the jump to D2. They added some big time talent in Katie Salisbury, Sean Weasel, and Blake Fisher as well, essentially taking advantage of the end of Notorious BNB. The name remains the same, but they’re a more dangerous Frodo than ever before. The Untouchaballs make the jump up to D2 after just annihilating D3 for two seasons. Jeremy Burr (who should probably start #1 in the QB rankings this year) leads his team into a D2 that isn’t much more difficult than the D3 he was beating a few months ago. It appears he has the same team as before, and honestly, that might be all he needs. No Punt Intended appeared late in the signup process (they were apparently the 44th team registered, according to Topper) but they’re going to be a problem for people. NPI boasts some top notch girls in Amber Hay, Jaimie Warren, and Elena Schratz, and with Kyle Conniff playing as well, they should be in most games. Freeballers made the jump up to D2 as well, keeping the roster mainly intact but adding Dave Baker along the way. One place the Freeballers struggle at times was with changing up the game plan and thinking on the fly, and now they add arguably one of the best football minds in the league to shore that up. They could be dangerous. The Replacements show up and there aren’t many names I know on the roster other than Trish Esposito. They’re a wild card to me, and I look forward to seeing how well they do here. Finally, Buffalo Vice Retro was a confusing name, but it appears Vice has split into two Vices? BVR has some of the familiar parts of Vice: Dan Gonzalez, Cailtyn Mason, Seth Molisani but they also added some “Sleezin Szn” players like Jake Dunn and Rachel Parker. It’ll be interesting to see how they perform this season jumping up a division, but I know they’ll be competitive. I now await Dan’s email explaining this mess to me. 

 

Prediction: This division is completely up in the air, but at the end of the day I think we’ll see Frodo Swaggins ride their new toys to a championship over The Untouchaballs. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Frodo Swaggins vs The Replacements (+10) - It’s hard to judge a game when I haven’t heard about a team before, and the other is a better version of what they were a season ago. But, I know the players Frodo added and they’re pretty damn good. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 8

 

Dilfs vs The Replacements (+12) - Same song as the other game, until I know more about The Replacements, it’ll be hard to judge their games. Naturally, they have a double header Week 1. And it’s a hell of a “trial by fire” getting arguably the top two teams in the division back to back. I guess we’ll see what they’re made of. DILFS BY 8

 

D3:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Practice Squad (6-1)

Itches and Ohs (8-1)

The Usual Suspects (10-1)

Scott Senior’s Starting (10-1)

Get Schwifty (11-1)

Cant Touch This (15-1)

Mountain Dew Me (18-1)

716 (20-1)

 

Preseason Prediction: Practice Squad, fresh off a D4 title, comes in as the D3 early season favorites, given their general athleticism and familiarity with each other. They got a “Liddle”  better, adding Kelly Liddle to the roster this season as well. Itches and Ohs get the same treatment, being one of the favorites in a wide open division mainly because they know exactly how to play with each other and the females on this team are superior to just about any in the division. The Usual Suspects are just Bullet Club with a fresh coat of paint. Former QB Jeff Easton returns to the core, but they’ve also added THK star Pistol Pete and his friend John Langley, as though this group needed more help losing somehow. Scott Senior’s Starting is all of the Kellers, although there’s no guarantee Senior is actually starting at QB. I’d love a world where he takes the first snap of every game to make the team name accurate, but then hands it off to his favorite son, Scotty Dro, after that. Get Schwifty is Blase LaDuca’s next attempt in running a team, and they have a few player’s I recognize from the Over Compensators and those stud girls in Liz Farley and Dorene Major. They should be a competitive team, especially if some of these I don’t know yet are superstars. Time will tell. Can’t Touch This is scared of nothing, and my favorite team from last season made the jump to D3 already. I love their confidence. I expect them to start out a little slow as they figure out the harder competition and then they’ll be right there as a top contender at the end of the season. They added the Good Battaglia Brother to the roster as well, which can only be an improvement. Mountain Dew Me returns after a brief hiatus from football. The extremely fast, blonde, probably Swedish guys look to make the league remember just exactly who they are right away. Their biggest issue might be who plays QB for them, as Joey Batts was the one who took them to greater heights. There’s some question marks here. Finally, 716 jumps up from D5 to D3 looking to make some noise. Their roster looks similar to the D5 team that was middle of the road last season, so it’ll be interesting to see their PED drug test reports to make quite the jump like that. 

 

Prediction: Can’t Touch This makes it to the championship game, only to lose in the final to Itches and Ohs. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad vs Mountain Dew Me (+10) - These two teams once met in the greatest championship game in D5 history, with MDM winning in overtime to take the title. These old rivals rekindle that competitive flame in D3 this season, and while the game should be entertaining, Practice Squad is a very dialed in team, whereas MDM just got back. Look for the rematch later on, but for now: PRACTICE SQUAD BY 14

 

The Usual Suspects vs Can’t Touch This (+3) - These two teams should match up pretty well with each other. One team is going up a division and one team is going down a division. It’ll be an interesting mix of teams, but in the end I’m going to go with the veterans. THE USUAL SUSPECTS BY 6

 

Scott Senior’s Starting vs Can’t Touch This (+3) - Different game, same story. CTT gets to play a team of wily veterans. The issue will be if Scott Senior is actually starting. If he does? SSS wins by 40. If he doesn’t: CANT TOUCH THIS BY 6. 

 

Get Schwifty vs The Usual Suspects (EVEN) - I envision some potential fireworks this game as both sides have some hot heads. This game has the potential to be D3’s newest rivalry game, but for now i think we’ll get some very good football from both sides. This one will come down to the wire, but GET SCHWIFTY BY 2

 

Get Schwifty vs Scott Senior’s Starting (EVEN) - This is another game that will feature a close battle. D3 is going to be fun week in and week out. Let’s see the Keller’s pull this one out. SCOTT SENIOR’S STARTING BY 8

 

D4:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Cunning Stunts (3-1)

Zack Attack (5-1)

Cobblestone (6-1)

Spinelli’s Plumbing (8-1)

International Lightning Falcons (10-1)

Buffalo Vice (10-1)

Vaspian (12-1)

Puckett All-Stars (13-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (17-1)

TOX (100-1)

 

Preseason Prediction:  The Cunning Stunts find themselves at the top of the D4 Championship Odds for the millionth time, because they’re just that good. Joey and the Girls are always competitive and can easily hang 50 points on you in an instant if you blink. Zack Attack returns after a subpar season for them, but they’ve added a few reinforcements that will hopefully get them to a title. Cobblestone moves to D4 after dominating the D5 season in the Spring, despite blowing yet another championship opportunity. Eventually, these players will stop letting Darryl Carr QB Superstar down on the field when it matters most. Spinelli’s, despite being cursed ever since they got the terrible new jerseys, will hopefully return with different threads this time around. SP can score like no other team in the league, and when they’re on, they’re tough to stop. ILF had a solid campaign last season, but eventually they blew it in the playoffs. Andrew Kicak was quoted as specifically blaming Becca for the loss, because she left the country and let her team down. Look for them to be in the mix again. Buffalo Vice is back in D4 and THIS team should be “Retro” when you consider it trots out not only Dan and Frank Pizza, but Andy Clark, the prodigal son, has returned! With Andy at QB, Vice scored oodles of points, and hopefully the magic is still there. Vaspian returns amid questions about their roster construction heading into Week 1. They’ll still be solid, especially defensively, but it’ll be interesting to see who will be on the field for them. Puckett is Puckett. That’s not a knock on them, they’re back, they’re competitive, they’re the same people, and they’ll beat you if you underestimate them. It’s a compliment. Travis Henry’s Kids blew the D6 championship and somehow thought adding the oft-injured Anthony Deak is the key to moving up to D4. It’s an interesting decision that is one to watch. Speaking of interesting and questionable decisions, last season we were considering if TOX should move to D6 or maybe stick around D5. Somehow that has them deciding “nah, we’ll do D4” as though that worked out really well last time. I hope they’re going to surprise us and have Tom Brady or Mac Jones step in to be QB. 

 

Prediction: The Cunning Stunts take home the title, defeating the Lightning Falcons in the finals. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Zack Attack vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+8) - A very interesting mix off the bat as one of the TSL’s best defenses of the last few seasons takes on one of it’s best offenses in recent memory. THK always comes into the season very focused, and with Pistol Pete and Deak out there, John Langley will find it tough to “Langley all over himself” this game. THK takes a surprise of the day. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 7

 

Cunning Stunts vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) - Puckett tends to start slow every year, and now they’re getting the girls who are essentially football robots with the TSL’s #1 QB? Not the best of starts. Of course Puckett will play them tough, but in the end, the girls will start the season out right. CUNNING STUNTS BY 14

 

Cunning Stunts vs Vaspian (+10) - Vaspian has proven in years past that they can hang with the Stunts, but that’s a lesson the Stunts haven’t forgotten just yet. With Vaspian still cobbling together a roster, they’re probably not fully ready for this one. Stunts go to 2-0. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

Cobblestone vs Puckett All-Stars (+7) - Puckett looks to give Darryl’s squad a run for their money off the bat. Cobblestone tends to thrive in any situation, given that they’ve played in nearly every division, so they’ll be up to the task, and refocused after last season’s disappointment. COBBLESTONE BY 1

 

D5:

 

Championship Odds:

 

TMA (3-1)

Come From Behind (6-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (10-1)

Woodpeckers (12-1)

Let’s Get Reccked (15-1)

Today’s Feast (18-1)

 

Preseason Prediction: TMA returns to D5 but just about every team that gave them competition last year went away. Cobblestone moved up to D4, Tater Tots and Red Zone Mafia took the session off, and the only teams remaining for them are Come From Behind and Passing While Intoxicated. Of course, every time things seem too easy for TMA, they mess it up spectacularly. CFB is back with the same names and faces you’ve loved for over a decade. They’re chock full of league darlings and great hair. They’ll be the biggest competition to TMA this year. PWI returns largely intact from last season. Colorado Mike’s team still needs to figure out the QB situation, but once that’s settled, they can be a dark horse here. The D6 champion Woodpeckers shocked the world last season ending up with the title, and they’re looking to do it again. Joe B might be 85 years old (guesstimating here), but he’s finally found a group of people that get along and ball out. Besides Mark, Wrestler Dan and the Rachels, he has an underrated squad chock full of people whose names you haven’t heard of yet, but you’re going to. Let’s Get Reccked is what seems to be Ricky Recckio’s take on Not So Sticky. But instead of being drunk and fun, they’re going to try to win. They have a couple of guys you know, most you don’t, a Game On Spy, and a killer female squad in Doreen, Becca, Talia, and Kayla Deth that’s going to win them some games. Today’s Feast dropped down to D5, and it’s going to be for the best. D4 wasn’t quite IT for them, but a drop in opponent talent can only help them figure themselves out a bit better. Here’s another dark horse contender. 

 

Prediction: TMA beats Let’s Get Reccked in an interesting final. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

TMA vs Woodpeckers (+10) - There’s no way I talk about how TMA is going to run over the division and then they lose, right? Right? As much as I want to predict that just to irk Prim, I’m going to do what’s right here. TMA BY 13, BRENT SCORES IF HES THERE.

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs Let’s Get Reccked (+7) - My biggest issue with LGR is that I’m not sure if Alex Buchlis is QB or this is going to be Ricky throwing. Ricky is a terrible QB so that shouldn’t be the case. Alex probably isn’t allowed. So I have no idea. PWI was a on a tear in last year’s playoffs before Alex Lee bailed on them when it mattered most. It seems like he’s back though, so let’s hope they keep the momentum rolling. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 12

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs Today’s Feast (+10) - I really want to see what Today’s Feast can do in D5. They always show flashes of competence before blowing it, and I really think they can make something happen here. They’re a team I’m keeping my eye on this season for sure. TODAY’S FEAST BY 3

 

Come From Behind vs Lets Get Reccked (+8) - At the end of the day, CFB is a well oiled machine (that’s mostly Molly that’s oiled up, but still) that has been doing this for very long. Probably before football was invented, honestly. While LGR is completely new and figuring things out. Give me stability. Give me Paul’s hair. Actually, just give me LoVullo genes. COME FROM BEHIND BY 16

 

D6: 

 

Championship Odds:

 

Blitzkrieg (2-1)

Not So Sticky (4-1)

Punt Cakes (8-1)

Superior Moser Squad (12-1)

Lenny’s Ladies (15-1)

Two Tuddies (18-1)

 

Preseason Prediction: Blitzkrieg comes in here as the proverbial favorite, mainly because all of their competition is gone. They’ll still trot out the top team week after week, assuming they didn’t lose a large chunk of talent which it seems like they haven’t. Not So Sticky is chock full of good players who are mostly just focused on having a good time. They dropped down from D5 after a rough season, and the TSL’s funnest team might just have too much talent to not fall into a championship. Punt Cakes is a new team to the TSL, but I’m pretty sure they’re led by Baby Gronk, which means they’ll have an idea on what’s going on in the league. There’s going to be some talent here. Superior Moser Squad, according to reports, are going to trot out Rylee Moser at QB, which should be a very fun experience. Imagine her being better than Steve. Does he start purposely dropping her passes? Lenny’s Ladies returns, but as I’m looking at the roster it seems like they’ve lost nearly all of the their top talent. Gone are Caitlyn Mason, Misty Himes, and Jaimie Warren, which is a lot to lose. They still have a good amount of a talent, and few new names I don’t know that could end up being superstars. Finally, Two Tuddies dropped a division with rival Not So Sticky so we can rekindle that romance as well this season. They went through some roster changes, but a change to D6 could be exactly what’s needed to get them on the winning track. 

 

Prediction: Blitzkrieg pulls off the impossible and wins a D6 title like I’ve wanted for them for so long, beating the surprising new team in Punt Cakes. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Punt Cakes vs Not So Sticky (EVEN) - There’s not way Not So Sticky will be drunk at 10:00 right? Of course, it’s a Bills game that day too, so maybe they’ll start at 8am. Everyone knows they get their power from late day drinking, so Punt Cakes should take advantage. PUNT CAKES BY 3

 

Punt Cakes vs Two Tuddies (+6) - Why not make it two for two? The Tuddies offense was virtually non-existent last season, and I can’t imagine they’ll figure it out in the first game back from the offseason. I don’t know why, but I’m all about the Cakes. PUNT CAKES BY 6

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Who will be there? The one thing I’ve heard a lot of this week was that most teams will be missing players left and right. Some are on vacation, others are going to a preseason Bills game, and others just have things to do on one of the last weekends of the summer. It’ll make for some interesting roster combinations for sure. 

2.              What’s the hardest division this season? It’s really looking like D3 is just going to be brutal for the team involved. Top to bottom, any team can walk away with the championship there. 

3.              Who has the easiest path to a championship? Well, the Legends are waiting for the NFL cuts to come through so they can stack their roster a bit more, so we’ll see what happens there. But joking aside, TMA really should run through D5 without much issue. 

4.              What are the most interesting teams in each division? In D1, it has to be Tight Ends In Motion. After many seasons at the top, they fell off hard last year. Now with some more Kleckers involved yet again, they could find themselves in the right spot again. D2 - Frodo Swaggins. They went all in on a revamped roster and are shooting for the moon in a weaker than normal D2. D3 - Get Schwifty comes to mind here because they have a lot of talent on paper, but will they put it all together? D4 - Buffalo Vice. They got the band back together the familiar waters of D4 and I want to see if the connection is still strong with Andy. D5 - Let’s Get Reccked is easily the most interesting team based off the combination of who’s playing that we know AND who we don’t. I can’t imagine Ricky didn’t get some characters to play with. And in D6 - For me, its Punt Cakes. I want to know what they’re about. I have an idea about most of the other 5 teams, but they’re new, so I want to see how it works for them. 

5.              Any other big TSL news from the offseason? The only thing i was told about that I hadn’t mentioned yet is probably the biggest. The TSL is going back to the “Pre-Covid” rules and only allowing one team per player. We relaxed those rules when Covid hit as a way to get more people playing as we were the ONLY league in town to work with the Health Dept and make a battle plan to play during the pandemic. This brought in a lot of new faces that needed places to play. Now that that’s over (knock on wood) its time to head back to the old rules that helped this league thrive. Now, gender teams will still be allowed, so girls, don’t worry, you’ll still have a second team to play on. And there’s a twist where if you help referee multiple games, you’ll be allowed to play on a second team. It’s basically a reward for helping the league. And the other way to play on a second team? You bring in a whole new team to play with. Essentially, for example if a D2 player brings in a D4 team of their family and friends that has a roster of them and NINE new people to the TSL? They can double up. And no, you can’t have multiple people doubling up, etc. The point of preventing constant “two teamers” is that it forces teams to get new people into the league when they need a guy or a girl instead of just getting current members of the league to join a second team. Continuing down that path leads to having the same 100 people playing on four teams in four different divisions, just teams are mixed up slightly. That’s a terrible way to run a football league, and the TSL would like to avoid that nonsense. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1. I really think Garrett Beesing as the new Head of Officiating is a dynamite hire. Garrett is a long time member of the league that cares about it, and he usually ends his podcast appearances with some form of calling people out to ref. Should be great for the league here. 

2.              If you haven’t filled out a waiver yet this year, you need to get on it! Captains, make sure you get your new players to fill it out. It takes five seconds. 

3.              The weather for Saturday in Buffalo is 86 degrees and mostly sunny. It’ll be a hot one. (it’ll only be 77 here in Des Moines!)

4.              Breakfast Club in the Fall is still very exciting, and I’m thrilled to see the race for Mimosa Morning Glory is back. We have some new captains and some exciting teams to talk about, but we’ll get into them next week. 

5.              The Wine Tournament was a HUGE success! Thank you to everyone that played and to everyone that helped out. Rumor has it Topper was in bed by 7:00pm. 

6.              The reason the TSL is the greatest Social Co-Ed experience in the world is because of the people. So remember to keep your head on straight. Don’t yell at the refs. Get to know the new people in the league. Make them feel included. 

7.              Did I get information about your team wrong? Then stop messing around and take 5 minutes to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me all about who I need to know. 

8.              The best part about the start of the Fall Session? The banquet is coming back. More on that as details become available. 

9.              The TSL Fantasy Football League is making it’s glorious return for the 4th straight year. There may be some openings for the league, so talk to Joe K about that asap. Think you have what it takes to win the Leonard Alba III Memorial Championship Belt? 

10.           Last but not least, the podcast is back, and if you want to be a part of that to talk about your team’s games and be a bigger part of the league, find Joe K, Jeff Krol, or I guess you can even bother Topper about this one if you see him at the bar. 

 

The TSL is back, the weather is going to be great, and we’re going to have a tremendous season. I can’t wait to hear about what went down this week. Until then, I’ll be in the cut. 

 

-GF OUT

Playoffs Round 1 Thoughts, Predictions and Stff

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 17 June 2022 16:13

Published: Friday, 17 June 2022 16:13

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1421

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday, June 18th in the Year of Our Lord 2022, at 9:00am Eastern Standard Time, at The Rose Garden, with the temperature projected to be at 66 degrees while it’s partly cloudy and the wind will be coming from the Northwest at about 16 miles per hour, The Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality will officially begin.

 

On this day, 45 of the TSL’s 52 teams will be taking the field with the same goal in mind: To be one of the TSL’s 7 champions left standing on Championship Saturday. But to even be able to have that opportunity next weekend, you have to win the biggest game of your season this weekend. This is it. This is the time to put up or shut up. Some teams (The Untouchaballs, Scared Hitless, Practice Squad, Travis Henry’s Kids) spent the entire season dominating the regular season (Those teams were a combined 31-5) but none of it will matter if they blow their first game and end up titleless. Some teams (Tight Ends In Motion, Bullet Club, Sleezin Szn) spent the last 9 weeks tripping over their own excuses (they combined for an “NFC East” like combined record of 4-22-1) and trying to get themselves to buy in that “its okay because everyone makes the playoffs so we’ll shock the world then!”. And if they pull off the upset this weekend? The demons of the last 9 weeks are immediately exorcized, and nothing else matters.

 

For those of you that are newer to the TSL, allow me to be the one that informs you that the first weekend of the playoffs routinely has upsets and buzzer beaters. The only thing in sports that compares to the excitement of Playoff Saturday in the TSL are the first two days of the March Madness NCAA tournament. There will be upsets (We’ve had seeds 5-8 move on to Championship Saturday in the same division before), there will be heavy championship favorites going home early. There will be Cinderella 6 seeds in the championship games. It’s incredibly bananas. It’s worth showing up to the fields early to watch the games all day. Also, it’s smart of you to brush up on the Overtime rules, just in case.

 

But before we dive into the playoff matchups, let’s take a second to remember those teams that are no longer with us, as bad luck, poor play, and various other factors caused them not to qualify for the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality.

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

XMD (3-6, 9th in D4) - PF: 35 (3rd), PA: 36 (11th), Topper Ranking: 38th, D4 SOS: 8th Future Projection: D4

XMD made their return to TSL after a few seasons off with mixed results. The scoring was on point, as they ended up 3rd in their division, but a very leaky defense led to their demise. They boasted the 8th toughest schedule in D4 this season, and they were very good against the teams below them in the standings, competed with those just above them, and things didn’t go too well with the better teams. A solid season, but I’d bet its a bit unsatisfying for them as well.

 

 

Today’s Feast (2-7, 10th in D4) - PF: 23.56 (9th), PA: 37.56 (12th), Topper Ranking: 43rd, D4 SOS: 10th, Future Projection: D5

Today’s Feast started off slow, got everyone to start watching them with a couple of midseason wins, and then fell off the Earth yet again. Even with 10th “hardest” schedule, they became the gold standard for “this team looks like they should really be pretty good but they always fall short” in D4 this season, Today’s Feast should strongly consider a drop back to D5 next season, just to figure out how defense works a bit better and get their confidence up.

 

Varsity Has Beens (2-7, 11th in D4) - PF: 24.89 (8th), PA: 34.67 (10th), Topper Ranking: 44th, D4 SOS: 7th, Future Projection: D4

VHB’s first season in the TSL had them in the playoff race right into Week 9, they fell short obviously, but I hope this doesn’t deter them from sticking around. There were some growing pains this year, but they got better each week, and just a little improvement on both sides of the ball will have this team in the playoffs next season. Having a star female in Maddie Norton goes a long way in the lower divisions, so they have the firepower to make some moves in the Fall.

 

 

TOX (2-7, 12th in D4) - PF: 17.33 (12th), PA: 34.56 (9th), Topper Ranking: 45th, D4 SOS: 5th, Future Projection: D5

TOX’s move to D4 proved to be a little premature, but they showed flashes of life at the end of the season. The future “Best at The Bar” finalists (I heard multiple reports of funnels with locals, for instance) struggled on both sides of the ball, but mostly on offense. Of course, the scheduling gods did them no favors by giving them the 5th toughest schedule in the division (the others that missed the playoffs in D4 were no higher than 7th), but a drop back to D5 to work on a few things while competing for a title there seems like the smart move.

 

 

Two Tuddies (0-9-1, 9th in D5) - PF: 12.70 (9th), PA: 39.50 (9th), Topper Ranking: 51st, Future Projection: D6

The Tuddies, according to multiple sources, just “get it” with the TSL. They show up, have fun, and from what I hear they want to be involved in the shenanigans. In fact the only thing they don’t really get is how to play football just yet. I’ve been informed they’re already back for the Fall and planning to “figure it out” a lot better in D6, which makes a lot of sense. There’s no shame in the “drop down”, and this team can only go up from here.

 

 

 

And that’s it for the teams that are no longer with us this season. They brought us fun, they brought us suspense, and hopefully they’ll be sticking around to prove to everyone (and themselves) that this was just a hiccup on their individual paths to stardom.

 

One quick note before we dive into the games: When I post the numbers for PF and PA for teams, that number in the parenthesis means its their overall DIVISION ranking, and not for all of the TSL. And as a special “D4” only thing, I’m giving their strength of schedule from this season because when you have 12 teams and only 9 games, not everyone plays everyone so it’s a fun indicator when picking those games.

 

And now it’s time to handicap the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality! I know you’ve all been waiting for it, and it’s my favorite article to write each season. Let’s get to it. . .

 

 

D1:

 

Byes:  EVERYONE.

The bonus to playing in D1 with only 4 teams is that you get a guaranteed ticket to Championship Saturday, and an extra week to rest any aching joints. We’ll get into it a bit deeper next week with these ones.

 

D2:

Odds To Win The Championship:

Scared Hitless (3-1)

DILFs (4-1)

Grey Hair Don’t Care (6-1)

Passed Our Prime (10-1)

The Notorious BNB (12-1)

When Dove Cries (40-1)

Bullet Club (100-1)

 

 

Teams On Bye:  #1 Scared Hitless (8-2)

The Story: Scared Hitless looked dominant this season, even winning a D1/D2 crossover game. The rest of the division beat up on itself, with When Dove Cries and Bullet Club looking out of place all season.

 

#2 Grey Hair Don’t Care (5-4) vs #7 Bullet Club (0-9)

Points For: GHDC 31.11 (2nd), BC 20.44 (7th)

Points Against: GHDC 29.44 (3rd), BC 41.00 (7th)

TSL Rank: GHDC 17th, BC 52nd

Past Games: GHDC 55 - BC 24

Line: Grey Hair Don’t Care (-20)

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care started off the season a bit slowly, but constantly got better each week as Dave Eickoff and company produced some excellent late season games. His chemistry with Nick Voss and George Lombardo are off the charts, and having Mike Rawdog on the team doesn’t even hurt them as much as you’d think it would. Add in a star female in Amber Hay to a core of above average females and you have a D2 title contender. Bullet Club had a bit of a roster shakeup in order to fix the issues of seasons past. Despite adding Public Enemy players in Paul Johnson and Tommy Hughes along with getting Dylan Jaloza to bring stability to the QB position, just about nothing has clicked for Joe K’s crew. Perhaps Father Time has caught up to most of the players on this team. Unless they pull out some old playoff magic they have lying around, this might be the least fun game of the day. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 17

 

#3 Passed Our Prime (5-4) vs #6 When Dove Cries (2-6)

Points For: POP 30.33 (4th), WDC 23.44 (6th)

Points Against: POP 30.89 (4th), WDC 31.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: POP 19th, WDC 48th

Past Games: POP 32 - WDC 25

Line: Passed Our Prime (-6)

 

Passed Our Prime had a pretty disappointing season when you consider the roster touts Sean Weisensal and Kyle Conniff. Hogan’s team is known more for their scoring but the offense has been down this time around while the defense is relatively average. Still, they ended up as the 3 seed in a very close division. When Dove Cries has had an up and down season due to Topper needing to take off the first half of the season, and added in getting a brand new female core on top of it. WDC got a big boost from the D2 emergence of Talia Calabro, and when Topper is on the same page as Drew and Aaron, they can put up some points. WDC can pull the upset if they capitalize on the guaranteed Hogan INT they’ll get. And if they get a second one? Look out. But you can’t bet on that happening. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 4

 

 

#4 DILFs (5-4) vs #5 The Notorious BNB (4-5)

Points For: Dilfs 32.78 (1st), BNB 29.78 (5th)

Points Against: Dilfs 25.11 (1st), BNB 32.44 (6th)

TSL Rank: Dilfs 22nd, BNB 36

Past Games: Dilfs 41 - BNB 14, Dilfs 45 - BNB 21

Line: DILFS (-9)

 

Tell me if you’ve heard this one before. The Dilfs underachieve throughout the season, lose 2-3 more games than they probably should’ve, and end up in the 4v5 game before making the championship game. D2’s #1 ranked offense and defense (with apologies to Scared Hitless, who had to not only play a 10th game, but it was a D1 crossover game to boot) ended up as the 4 seed this season. They end up playing a Notorious BNB team that they’ve already played twice this season, and they blew them out both times. The Dilfs are primed to make a run at another title, even with Travis Cleavenger-Bernal injured in the final week of the season (and he’s going to probably play when he maybe shouldn’t). BNB hasn’t had the season they write movies about, and attendance has been part of the issue. Of course, it’s hard to blame your QB when he’s missing games because he had a child. You can’t count them out of any game because of the talented players on the roster, but this matchup is the worst case scenario for them. DILFS BY 13

 

 

D3:

Odds To Win The Championship:

The Untouchaballs (2-1)

Freeballers (4-1)

Frodo Swaggins (4-1)

Itches and Ohs (8-1)

4th & Something (10-1)

Buffalo Vice (15-1)

Sleezin Szn (25-1)

Show Me Dem TDs (40-1)

 

 

The Story: The Untouchaballs are the TSL’s #1 ranked team and for good reason. Jeremy Burr has been fantastic throwing to Mel Linsmair and Matt Helm, and they’ve been a machine since Week 1, despite a hiccup along the way. Frodo, Freeballers, 4th & Something, Itches and Ohs, and Buffalo Vice all are capable contenders in any other season, but each team has a weakness that more than likely will show up at some point in the playoffs. SMDTDs and Sleezin just could never get going this year, and look to right the ship in the playoffs. And in a weird quirk, every first round matchup in D3 features teams that already played each other twice in the regular season, giving a unique familiarity in every game.

 

 

#1 The Untouchaballs (8-1) vs #8 (Sleezin Szn 2-6-1)

Points For: UT 39.22 (1st), SS 30.00 (6th)

Points Against: UT 24.22 (2nd), SS 33.22 (5th)

TSL Rank: UT 1st, SS 41st

Past Games: UT 38 - SS 25, UT 42 - SS 25

Line: The Untouchaballs (-15)

 

There’s not much else to say about The Untouchaballs that hasn’t already been said. They’re primed to go to D2 regardless on if they blow it this season or not, and they’re just simply the best team in the D3 playoffs. Sleezin has the talent to win football games, they’re just not for some reason. Newman is a more than capable QB, and they have fantastic females running all over the place for them. Their problem just seems to be not having a standout male on the roster, just a handful of “very good” players. They’re a better team than the record shows, but I don’t think they’re “Pull the upset” better. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 15

 

#2 Frodo Swaggins (5-4) vs #7 Show Me Dem TDs (2-6-1)

Points For: Frodo 34.56 (2nd), SMDTDs 22.11 (8th)

Points Against: Frodo 33.56 (6th), SMDTDs 31.78 (3rd)

TSL Rank: Frodo 18th, SMDTDs 40th

Past Games: Frodo 31 - SMDTDs 27, Frodo 37 - SMDTDs 15

Line: Frodo Swaggins (-8)

Frodo Swaggins has done this season what they always do. Score some points, blow some games they probably shouldn’t, and look like a D3 title contender. Their offense is saving a defense that hasn’t been great all year, and if Garrett has a bad game in these playoffs, I don’t know if the defense can bail him out. SMDTDs has had a very good defense this season, but they’re still working out the many, many kinks on the offensive side of the ball. Even with a suspect defense to play against this week, I’m not sure they’ll be able to keep up. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 10

 

 

#3 Freeballers (5-4) vs #6 Buffalo Vice (4-5)

Points For: FB 30.78 (3rd), BV 28.44 (7th)

Points Against: FB 22.22 (1st), BV 32.33 (4th)

TSL Rank: FB 21st, BV 33rd

Past Games: FB 36 - BV 12, FB 34 - BV 21

Line: Freeballers (-10)

 

 

The Freeballers had a huge week in the middle of the season where I had to apologize to them, and they’ve responded by being terrible since. Just when it looks like this team is going to take off, they stay average. That’s not always a bad thing. They have good players on the team, and the team cares about each other, as I’ve stated before. There isn’t a “weakness” on the team, they just don’t have a super standout player on offense, and they’re fantastic on defense. They play their best with a chip on their shoulder, for sure. Buffalo Vice started out unsure if they should even be in D3, and then strung together some nice wins to prove they belong. The Seth-Caitlyn-Dan-Frank combo continues to be very good, but the problem for them tends to be getting everyone to show up. This game will come down to if Vice can figure out how to solve that FB defense, and in two games this season so far, they really haven’t. FREEBALLERS BY 6

 

#4 4th & Something (5-4) vs #5 Itches and Ohs (4-5)

Points For: 4&S 30.11 (5th), Ohs 30.33 (4th)

Points Against: 4&S 34.33 (8th), Ohs 33.78 (7th)

TSL Rank: 4&S 26th, Ohs 32nd

Past Games: 4&S 49 - Ohs 32, Ohs 45 - 4&S 41

Line: EVEN

This is going to be the most even game of all time it seems. Both teams have had up and down seasons, as tends to be customary for 4&S. Both teams score 30 points and both teams allow 34 points. This game is going to be a great QB duel between Scotty Dro and Steve Moser. It features top tier females in Katie Keller and Laura Streeter. It has terrible defenses. And that’s going to be the key honestly, which defense makes a play first. I have no idea what it’s going to be and this game feels destined for overtime. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

 

D4:

Odds To Win The Championship:

Practice Squad (3-1)

Cunning Stunts (4-1)

Zack Attack (8-1)

Spinelli’s Plumbing (10-1)

Puckett All-Stars (12-1)

Can’t Touch This (14-1)

ILF (15-1)

Vaspian (25-1)

 

 

The Story: It’s anyone’s title in the TSL’s version of the wild, wild west. Practice Squad has been the top team all season, and they’re reminding everyone what they can do when they’re healthy. The Stunts might’ve lost a few more games than we’re used to but they’re still dangerous. Vaspian’s great start to the season fell apart and now I’m being told QB Brian is injured and won’t throw. Huge blow for the playoffs. Zack Attack mightve snuck into the playoffs, but they’re trending upward. Spinelli’s and Cant Touch This have had solid up and down seasons, ILF took advantage of having the easiest schedule in D4 to cover up their blemishes, and Puckett just keeps right on being Puckett.

 

#1 Practice Squad (8-1) vs #8 Spinelli’s Plumbing (4-5)

Points For: PS 32.50 (4th), SP 35.11 (2nd)

Points Against: PS 21.13 (3rd), SP 30.44 (7th)

TSL Rank: PS 2nd, SP 35th

D4 SOS: PS 4th, SP 3rd

Past Games: PS 35 - SP 18

Line: Practice Squad (-8)

 

Practice Squad has been awesome all season. They’re the 2nd ranked TSL team overall, B has been lights out at QB, and the defense has been otherworldly led by Kyle Geertman and Jaime McCabe. It’s amazing what being healthy can do for a team, and they did it all with the 4th hardest D4 schedule, which is even more crazy when you realize they didn’t get to play themselves which would’ve bumped up the difficulty. Spinelli’s started the season off on fire, dropping tons of points just like they have for the last few seasons. Then they started wearing the cursed jerseys, and the wheels really fell off. They should really just wear black again this week to get the mojo right. But, they also were a victim of the division’s 3rd most difficult schedule, which means this game could be a lot closer than you think it will be. Spinelli’s best defense is their offense, and if they’re clicking right out of the gate, an upset could be brewing. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 6 IF THEY WEAR BLACK, PRACTICE SQUAD BY 12 IF SPINELLI’S WEARS THE CURSED JERSEYS.

 

#2 Vaspian (6-3) vs #7 Zack Attack (4-5)

Points For: Vaspian 21.22 (11th), ZA 23.11 (10th)

Points Against: Vaspian 17.78 (1st), ZA 19.89 (2nd)

TSL Rank: Vaspian 9th, ZA 29th

D4 SOS: Vaspian 9th, ZA 1st

Past Games: ZA 18 - Vaspian 12

Line: EVEN

It’s not too often you see a 2 seed be this close to a 7 seed, but this D4 was no ordinary season. Vaspian started hot out of the gate, winning their first 5 games before losing. The team that beat them? Zack Attack. That would start a 3 game losing streak for Kevin Hurley’s boys, that would also see QB Brian get injured. These teams are very similar in that they boast tremendous defenses, but their offenses just couldn’t get it going. Losing your QB isn’t going to help Vaspian. Meanwhile, Zack Attack was “blessed’ by the schedule gods with the hardest D4 schedule, which could very much explain the season they had (Hint: it was subpar by their standards). With ZA peaking (they beat the Stunts last week 27-26), and Vaspian with too many questions, this upset doesn’t even feel like an upset. ZACK ATTACK BY 13

 

#3 Cunning Stunts (6-3) vs #6 Can’t Touch This (5-4)

Points For: Stunts 39.56 (1st), CTT 26.11 (7th)

Points Against: Stunts 28.44 (6th), CTT 25.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: CS 11th, CTT 25th

D4 SOS: CS 2nd, CTT 6th

Past Games: CS 52 - CTT 14

Line: Cunning Stunts (-10)

 

The highest scoring team in D4, the Cunning Stunts, ran roughshod over the league for the most part, which is more impressive when you consider they had the second hardest schedule in D4 this season. Other than a surprising loss to Vaspian, a last second loss to Zack Attack, and a not so good game against Practice Squad, its been par for the course  for the Stunts yet again. Cant Touch This started off pretty awfully, before blaming Topper’s tyrannical scheduling and going on a 5-1 run to end the season. The only loss was a 4 point game against an overrated ILF team, and the wins were against the teams that finished 7th-11th in the standings. Basically, for a first season team, they beat the teams they should’ve beaten, and fell on their face against the cream of the crop. This is their first chance to really prove themselves against a top D4 team since the end of April, but I’m not sure they have the female talent to keep up with the Stunts. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

#4 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (6-3) vs #5 Puckett All-Stars (5-4)

Points For: ILF 32.00 (6th), PAS 32.22 (5th)

Points Against: ILF 31.22 (8th), PAS 24.67 (4th)

TSL Rank: ILF 14th, PAS 23rd

D4 SOS: ILF 12th, PAS 11th

Past Games: First Meeting

Line: Puckett All-Stars (-6)

 

ILF rode the weakest schedule in D4 to a 6-3 record, so they’re overachieving a bit here. Granted, Puckett only played the 11th hardest schedule (see: 2nd easiest), so they’re not exactly world beaters here themselves. ILF QB Joe Miano is playoff tested, and D4 All Star Brett Fiend is also playing well on defense. Not to mention Andrew Kicak himself might be the most talented player on either team. So there are positives, for sure. But we’ve seen this 400 times before. Puckett plays about .500 football during the season, and then TJ takes them on a ride in the playoffs. While we don’t have a regular season matchup between the two to go with, Puckett has a slightly better offense, and a much better defense, AND played a slightly harder schedule. Add in that PAS playoff magic, and, well, PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 4

 

D5:

Odds To Win The Championship:

 

 

TMA (3-1)

Red Zone Mafia (5-1)

Cobblestone (6-1)

Tater Tots (10-1)

716 (20-1)

Come From Behind (20-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (25-1)

Not So Sticky (100-1)

 

 

The Story: There’s a pretty clear line between the top of the division, and the lower half. Darryl put together a very good team this season, and as a result Cobblestone finds themselves sitting on top of the standings at 7-2. The issue is that the teams they lost to are the #2 and #4 seed, TMA and Red Zone Mafia. RZM also beat TMA, but an uncharacteristic loss to 716 midway through the season dropped them in the standings. The Tater Tots also find themselves in the mix as well, although they’re a step behind the big contenders. 716 started hot and fizzled a bit, and Come From Behind started cold and have been heating up. PWI had a decent first season in D5, and Not So Sticky, well, they’re in the playoffs.

 

#1 Cobblestone (7-2) vs #8 Not So Sticky (1-7-1)

Points For: Cobblestone 28.33 (5th), NSS 21.22 (7th)

Points Against: Cobblestone 20.78 (3rd), NSS 29.11 (8th)

TSL Rank: Cobblestone 4th, NSS 49th

Past Games: Cobblestone 24, NSS 0

Line: Cobblestone (-13)

 

Darryl Carr QB Superstar got his team on the same page this season, building a talented roster that includes former Peachy Platoon member Leseaon Washington who is definitely too good for D5, and the same goes for Ade Dunn too. But even with that talent around him, they’ve let Darryl down before, as he can do wrong. Not So Sticky has the football minds to win the game, but as usual, they’re more focused on fun than anything. It’ll take quite the game for this one to be an upset. COBBLESTONE BY 17

 

#2 TMA (7-2) vs #7 Passing While Intoxicated (3-6)

Points For: TMA 28.44 (4th), PWI 18.89 (8th)

Points Against: TMA 17.67 (1st), PWI 25.56 (6th)

TSL Rank: TMA 7th, PWI 39th

Past Games: TMA 26 - PWI 21, TMA 26 - PWI 12

Line: TMA (-14)

 

TMA’s long awaited move to D5 has gone about as well as they could’ve expected. They’ve been arguably the best team all season, still hang out at the bar, and once again find themselves playing tremendous defense. Not to mention they’ve done it largely without the former “twin towers” back at safety. QB Ryan has adapted pretty nicely to the jump up in opponent, and the three headed monster of Diana Bernal, Val Testa, and Lauren O’Brien continue to improve on both sides of the ball. PWI’s first foray into the TSL has had its ups and downs. Colorado Mike put together a fun team and I’m excited to see them improve in future season. TMA BY 14

 

#3 Tater Tots (6-3) vs #6 Come From Behind (5-4)

Points For: TT 24.33 (6th), CFB 31.44 (T-1st)

Points Against: TT 18.22 (2nd), CFB 27.78 (7th)

TSL Rank: TT 10th, CFB 28th

Past Games: CFB 21 - TT 8

Line: Tater Tots (-3)

 

 

The Tater Tots had a season chock full of ups and downs, mostly due to losing QB Mark to injury early on. Even for having QB issues, the Tots stayed above water before Dave found Jeff Easton off the waiver wire. The Tots are 3-1 since the Easton signing, including big wins over Red Zone Mafia and 716. The loss? Last week, against Come From Behind. Paul LoVullo has got the offense going well (we’ll ignore that he didn’t play last week) in the second half of the season, and Harlan proved to be spectacular on defense, shutting the Tots down in the red zone. I can’t imagine a repeat of last week’s game, since I’m assuming that the Tots learned from their mistakes, and CFB will be even better on offense. It’ll be higher scoring on both ends for sure. But the result will stay the same. COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

 

 

#4 Red Zone Mafia (6-3) vs #5 716 (5-4)

Points For: RZM 31.44 (T-1st), 716 28.56 (3rd)

Points Against: RZM 21.89 (T-4th), 716 21.89 (T-4th)

TSL Rank: RZM 13th, 716 24th

Past Games: RZM 27 - 716 21, 716 19 - RZM 6

Line: Red Zone Mafia (-3)

 

The Red Zone Mafia proceeded to have quite the good season, beating D5 favorites TMA and Cobblestone along the way. They ended up with the best offense in the Division, which is a testament to the growth of QB Blake Fisher and everyone who’s ever played in the league knows the name Sam Lattuca. 716 has some real talent themselves, as QB Derek Pew continues to improve. Of course, its a lot easier to do that when Nick Voss is on your team. When you add in Jessie Kieta and Meriah Dishaw, they can make any QB look good. 716 is on the way up, but I’m going to lean in the other direction here. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 5

 

D6:

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

Travis Henry’s Kids (3-2)

Southside (5-1)

Blitzkrieg (12-1)

Lettuce Win (15-1)

Woodpeckers (17-1)

Lenny’s Ladies (20-1)

 

Teams on Bye: #1 Travis Henry’s Kids (7-1), #2 Southside (6-3)

 

The Story: Travis Henry’s Kids runs rampant over the division, Southside still looms as a potential championship upset. Everyone else kind of exists. There’s not much of a story here in D6 this time around, a far cry from the days of old.

 

 

#3 Blitzkrieg (4-5) vs #6 Lenny’s Ladies (2-6)

Points For: BK 22.88 (4th), LL 19.43 (6th)

Points Against: BK 28.25 (5th), LL 32.42 (6th)

TSL Rank: BK 31st, LL 46th

Past Games: BK 34 - LL 33, BK 30 - LL 0

Line: Blitzkrieg (-8)

 

Blitzkrieg stumbled into the 3 seed after a down year for them. 4-5 isn’t anything to write home about, but when you’re a division with THK and Southside, 3rd place is a nice consolation prize. They haven’t clicked the way they were hoping. Some of it was injuries, others were about who showed up. They’re missing some pieces of their past, but what they have is still really good. Alex looks more comfortable behind center each week, Light Red Hoodie Guy is still a beast, and more people should really know the name Cassie Schwach. Mackenzie Neary is an emerging star in the league as well. Lenny’s Ladies have been in a lot of games this season, they just couldn’t bring it home. They have an uber talented roster with Caitlyn Mason, Jaimie Warren, Misty Himes, and Katie Swanson (just to name a few). Joe K has improved a bit at QB, but we’ve seen a carousel of QBs for them once again this season. Blitzkreig beat LL twice this season, although one was on the last play of the game, but they more recently blew the Ladies out 30-0. This should be a fun one that’s going to based off which LL’s roster shows up to play. BLITZKRIEG BY 14

 

#4 Woodpeckers (4-5) vs #5 Lettuce Win (3-6)

Points For: WP 21.57 (5th), LW 30.38 (2nd)

Points Against: WP 27.14 (4th), LW 26.50 (2nd)

TSL Rank: WP 34th, LW 37th

Past Games: WP 28 - LW 16, WP 21 - LW 0 (Forfeit)

Line: Woodpeckers (-3)

 

 

Even though the stats say that Lettuce Win is a superior team, they’re very misleading. Lettuce Win bulked up their PF and PA with 3 games against LLs. Either way, Lettuce Win lives and dies by the play of the mountain of a man known as Iceberg. His legend grows while his name nobody knows. The Woodpeckers were stuck with some tough scenarios early on, and they were given two forfeit wins this season, so one has to wonder just how ready they are for the playoffs. I’m sure Joe and Mark have some trick up their sleeves for this one. WOODPECKERS BY 6

 

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1.            What’s happening in Breakfast Club? The playoffs are underway, and Dominatrix, under the play of Topper and Katie Salisbury, got their first win of the season over the EsCourts when it mattered the most. Jennatalia took the win over Trish’s Tiny Disasters to move on as well. That sets up Liddle Deaks vs Dominatrix and Steph Infection vs Jennatalia. With the injuries to Deak and Travis for LDs, while Dominatrix is healthy finally, we’ll see Dominatrix take on Steph Infection next week.

 

2.            Which #1 seeds are most likely to win their championships? In fact, I’ll rank them in terms of most likely to least likely. The Untouchaballs, Travis Henry’s Kids, Scared Hitless, Legends, Practice Squad, Cobblestone.

 

3.            Which is our most likely upset? Upsets are common in the TSL playoffs. Other than Zack Attack over Vaspian (A 7 over a 2 seed), the most likely upset would be Come From Behind over the Tater Tots (a 6 over a 3)

 

4.            Which #1 seed would you bet on losing this week, if you had to? Since 3 of them have byes, that makes things tougher. I can’t imagine The Untouchaballs losing. So that pretty much means we have Practice Squad against Spinelli’s Plumbing, or Cobblestone over Not So Sticky. Both are possible, neither are probable. I’d have to put my money on Spinelli’s in this scenario, regardless of the curse. They can still score in bunches if they get it all together this week.

 

5.            Can you predict a champion from each division that ISN’T a #1 seed? Of course I can. #3 Eyes Downtown, #4 DILFS, #3 Freeballers, #7 Zack Attack, #4 Red Zone Mafia, #2 Southside.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

1.            I can’t believe how fast the season flies by. It still feels like we just started. But here we are, about to embark on the Race For Social Co-Ed Immortality.

 

 

2.            The weather in Buffalo is supposed to ideal for football, but a little windy. Naturally this will have an effect on the games. We can’t control the weather people, I’m sorry.

 

 

3.            Rumor has it now that the Rose Garden is building TWO indoor fields instead of the planned one. Winter League at the Rose Garden keeps looking more and more probable.

 

 

4.            Best Games To Watch:

a.            10:00 - 4th & Something vs Itches and Ohs

b.            11:00 - DILFs vs The Notorious BNB

c.            12:00 - ILF vs Puckett All-Stars

d.            1:00 - Tater Tots vs Come From Behind

e.            2:00 - Woodpeckers vs Lettuce Win

 

 

5.            The questions about the wine tournament registration are flooding in. Remember, it's at the Black Willow Winery on August 13th. We have room for 16 teams. It’s going to be a ton of fun.

 

 

6.            I’m still really curious how Travis’ injury is going to affect some championships in the TSL if he can’t play through it. The Legends will be fine without him, but the DILFs could really use him and if he can’t go, its a one and done. And don’t forget that the Liddle Deaks looked like the best team in Breakfast Club before he went down. Having a hurt Travis at QB that can’t scramble isn’t going to help that.

 

 

7.            I’m being told the plan is to make sure the divisions are going to be more even next season. No more 12 team D4s and 4 team D1s. A lot will depend on which teams come back, which teams don’t, and whatever new teams will appear.

 

 

8.            There were rumors that D1 would play their semi-final games this week and just play the final on Championship Saturday. I’m glad Topper still kept it so that any team in any division will have to win two tough games to win a TSL championship. It’s one of the best parts of the league.

 

 

9.            Make sure you follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Spofity to get all of the news about the league as soon as it happens.

 

 

10.         I keep hearing rumors about a potential TSL Golf Scramble Tournament. Perhaps that will become a reality if there’s enough interest.

 

 

And that’s it for this week. The Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has begun! Stay safe out there, and don’t be a jerk to the refs. Good luck to our participants. Remember, nothing is guaranteed.

 

 

-GF OUT

The Final Picks, Thoughts, Questions, and stuff

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 24 June 2022 12:49

Published: Friday, 24 June 2022 12:49

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4367

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality kicked off last weekend, and as always, it was quite the adventure chock full of twists and turns that you can only really get during Playoff Saturday in this league of ours. 

 

When the sun rises tomorrow morning over the Rose Garden, 26 teams will go to battle for 7 championships. The dreams of April are now so close to reality for these teams as they try to realize their goal of being absolute winners together. Half of our teams have now seen their seasons come to an end, as the hopes and dreams of being TSL champions have been extinguished, at least for the summer. 

 

This means it’s my job of course to tell you just exactly who will be standing tall after the oncoming war. Since that task is difficult to do sitting in my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa, I proceeded to poke the TSLQBRC and get their thoughts on the upcoming playoff matchups to see just how aligned everyone’s thoughts might be for these predictions. Enjoy the email correspondence as we navigate these playoff waters together. 

 

GF: Hey there TSLQBPRC! It's that time once again that I don’t allow you guys to lay around for the last week of the season and we go through and give our competing predictions for the final weekend of the TSL Spring 2022 season!

Grab a couple of committee members and send me your consensus ideas. 

Before we get into the predictions, let's dive into how we got here a little bit. Naturally, last weekend was bananas, as we saw the usual ridiculousness in upsets, perhaps none more shocking than Passing While Intoxicated eliminating TMA from the D5 playoffs. What results surprised you guys? 

 

TSLQBPRC: Godfather of the TSL, always a pleasure to talk playoff football!

So there were four "upsets" where a higher seed fell to a lower seed.  In order of least shocking to most shocking, we'd probably say:

·  Itches over 4th & Something (we predicted this in our Division Analysis... 4th & Something had the better record, but statistically, Itches was the better team)

·  Zack Attack over Vaspian (these two always play close games, and their stats were almost identical)

·  Can't Touch This over Cunning Stunts (the Stunts were a full +10 PPG better on average... they should win this game 8 or 9 times out of 10, right?)

·  Passing While Intoxicated over TMA (this is the BEST point differential in D5 losing to one of the worst... TMA should win this 97 times out of 100!)

 

The only other result that surprised us was that there weren't MORE upsets!  This season the higher seeded teams went 16-4 against the lower seeded teams.  Last Fall the higher seeded teams only went 11-9 in the first round.  You think that means anything?

 

GF: All that I think it means is something we've known about the TSL for over a decade: The weather is always the great equalizer. I hear Buffalo had near perfect football weather this past weekend, which resulted in less randomness happening in the games. In the fall sessions, the league is more prone to cold, wind, rain, and in some years, even snow playing a factor. With a 90 degree day on the horizon for Championship Saturday, the heat will play a factor across the board, but especially in the title games, with players on their second straight game (and some could be playing in 4 straight games if things break their way!). I'll always tell people to wear sunscreen, but everyone better bring water and Gatorade this week too. Hell, the TSL should invest in a lot of Liquid IV packets for the players just for safety/hydration reasons. We don't need a "Matty Ice dying of Heatstroke on the sidelines" type of scenario. This is especially true for anyone playing on two teams. 

 

TSLQBPRC: "Matty Ice"?  Sounds kind of familiar.  A little loud, never wore an appropriately fitting shirt?  Yeah, that's a great point about the weather.  Hopefully the bulk of the games wrap up before we hit that peak heat, but players NEED to take care of themselves on Saturday.  We know it's distracting thinking about the champagne and bragging rights, but heatstroke is very real, and it'll beat you harder than Untouchaballs.

 

GF: Oh, that's the guy, you've got him. Speaking of the Untouchaballs, D3's top team looked completely dominant this weekend when it comes to 1 seeds. Practice Squad beat Spinelli’s too but allowed 38 points. And then there was Cobblestone who blew a 22-0 lead to Not So Sticky, before needing to escape at the end. Could you imagine if D5 lost its top two teams in one weekend? Chaos, as always. Before we get in depth on the individual divisions, what games overall are you looking most forward to this week? 

 

TSLQBPRC: The one that stands out most to us is Scared Hitless vs DILFS.  We consider these two the betting favorites to win D2, and they're somehow meeting in the semi-finals as a "1 seed vs 4 seed".  No disrespect to Grey Hair - Don't Care (who have been hotter than anyone lately) or Passed Our Prime, but we would pick the winner of Scared Hitless vs DILFS to take that division, assuming either team is at full strength (and you never know for playoffs which critical players will be missing).  Other games we think will be really fun to watch: Frodo Swaggins vs Freeballers (you could argue they're playing for the right to lose to Untouchaballs, but the Finals brings out the best in teams that play hard for each other, and Frodo and Freeballers are both tight-knit groups who play hard for each other...) and Travis Henry's Kids vs Southside.  Okay, that last one only happens if both teams win their semi-finals games, but we think they will, and that's a game we want to see.

 

GF: As always on Championship Saturday, the best of the best (and the Freeballers) remain, so we should see some great games. So, let's start at the top: D1. The right to be called the Undisputed Champions of Social Co-Ed Football in WNY, or even the world really, is on the line and it's about as up for grabs as it can be. 

 

D1: 

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

Legends (3-1)

Eyes Downtown (4-1)

Sticky Bandits (7-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (20-1)

 

The Story: D1 didn’t get this here last week, so here it is. This season, D1 has only been a 4 team division. And with how things have gone for TEIM, it’s basically been a 3 team race for the top of the mountain in Social Co-Ed Football. The Legends were supposed to stomp everyone, but they’ve looked at least slightly beatable. Eyes Downtown started off a little shaky but they’ve figured it out. Sticky Bandits, largely an afterthought in this division, played the best football in their history, and have proven that at the very least, they belong in the D1 championship discussion. 

 

#1 Legends (7-2) vs #4 Tight Ends In Motion (2-7)

Points For: Legends 37.11 (3rd), TEIM 27.11 (4th)

Points Against: Legends 24.78 (1st), TEIM 33.11 (3rd)

TSL Rank: Legends 6th, TEIM 47th

Past Games: Legends 31 - TEIM 20, Legends 38 - TEIM 16

Line: Legends (-12)

 

GF Prediction: The Legends were the preseason favorites heading into the season and there's not much that's happened over 10 weeks to make me think that they shouldn't still be, although I'll argue the gap is much smaller. Anytime you can trot out Sean, Chris Nelson, Heather Cepuchowski, and just, all of them, it’s hard to not pick them. On the other hand, there's a Tight Ends In Motion team who are arguably the most battled tested D1 playoff team we have in the field. Sure, they had the worst season they've had since 1943, but there’s something to be said for having been there before. Sadly, for TEIM, Emily, Robin, Bro, and Lindsey aren't showing up to the fields Saturday. LEGENDS BY 17

 

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: This isn't the 2021 Tight Ends in Motion vs the 2022 Legends.  THAT would have been a great matchup.  At this point, it's just hard to pick against Legends given that Tight Ends in Motion have been nothing but question marks all season and haven't established any continuity or momentum.  We expect a pick from Boccio, three touchdowns from Sean, and about 10 minutes of ranting from Joey about how great he is.  LEGENDS BY 19

 

#2 Sticky Bandits (6-3) vs #3 Eyes Downtown (6-3)

Points For: SB 39.33 (1st), ED 39.00 (2nd)

Points Against: SB 32.89 (2nd), ED 34.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: SB 8th, ED 12th

Past Games: SB 54 - ED 46, ED 49 - SB 48

Line: Sticky Bandits (-2)

 

GF Prediction: This is going to be fun. Eyes Downtown and Sticky Nation meet up in a rubber match from the regular season (the teams split the season series 1-1). They score about the same, and Sticky has allowed slightly less points. Eyes Downtown has arguably been slightly hotter for the second half of the season after an early season slip up. Sticky has just been good all season, even though they've really been living on the edge with one score games. Both sides ooze talent like Razor Ramon oozed machismo, so it's going to just come down to the quarterback for me. And the running storyline all season has been "How will Bobby perform in a world without a clear nemesis?". So far, so good. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Mike Thomas does seem like way too nice a guy to be anyone's "nemesis", we'll agree with that.  These are two perfectly matched teams right now based on how their seasons went.  They combined to go 102-95 against each other in two regular season games with Sticky Bandits getting the slight edge there.  Bobby has that D1 playoff experience, having won the division before, but these aren't the Sticky Bandits of old.  We kept waiting for them to have a "crashing back down to earth" moment this season, and it never happened.  They seem to win or lose all their games by a point, so we'll take the higher seeded team here by the slimmest of margins.  STICKY BANDITS BY 1

 

D1 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: This leaves me with Legends vs Eyes Downtown. Two fantastic teams who have had 3 really big battles this season. The Legends won the season series 2-1, but that doesn't say much. I expect another high scoring showdown, but once the dust settles there's only one answer I keep coming to: The Legends taking a D1 title, and everyone having to listen to Joey Batts (and Travis!) all offseason about how great he (they) is (are). LEGENDS BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Our predicted finals leaves us with Legends vs Sticky Bandits, two teams that each beat each other by a point in the regular season.  It's tough to ignore the talent on Legends, and they finished with the best record and point differential in the division.  They're the favorites, and they deserve to be.  But like each of their previous meetings, we think this will come down to the last possession.  And yes, Joey will be talking about it for months.  LEGENDS BY 3

 

D2: 

Last Week’s Games: 

#2 Grey Hair Don’t Care 35, #7 Bullet Club 25

#3 Passed Our Prime 39, #6 When Dove Cries 14

#4 Dilfs 29, #5 The Notorious BNB 28

 

Nothing but chalk in D2 last weekend, as all of the higher seeds made it out of the round. Grey Hair got a slight scare from Bullet Club before pulling away, Passed Our Prime put their foot on the gas and ran right by When Dove Cries, and the Dilfs had to survive a very “up for the task” Notorious BNB. 

 

#1 Scared Hitless (8-2) vs #4 Dilfs (5-4

Points For: SH 30.70 (3rd), Dilfs 32.78 (1st)

Points Against: SH 26.00 (2nd), Dilfs 25.11 (1st)

TSL Rank: SH 3rd, Dilfs 22nd

Past Games: SH 31 - Dilfs 20

Line: Even

 

GF Prediction: Scared Hitless has just been so good from top to bottom, week in and week out. The Dilfs continue to underperform in the regular season record wise, but they've always shown up when it matters. This is almost a pseudo-championship game (as you guys alluded to earlier) based off the numbers, where most people are surprised Dilfs are the “underdog” since they’re better on paper. I was going to go with Scared Hitless here by a slim margin, but reports are coming in that Scared Hitless will be down one of their spectacular females although I'm unsure which one (mainly because Topper doesn't know their names) and that's enough for the needle to swing the Dilfs way for me. DILFS BY 6

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: With no disrespect to their quarterback or male athletes (who are all very good), the "spectacular females" are the stand-out strength of Scared Hitless.  If they're missing one of them, they'll still be a great team, but will they be the favorites in this game?  Probably not.  This was already going to be a "flip a coin" type pick for us, but if Scared Hitless is down a girl, DILFS feel like the pick.  DILFS BY 4

 

#2 Grey Hair Don’t Care (5-4) vs #3 Passed Our Prime (5-4)

Points For: GHDC 31.11 (2nd), POP 30.33 (4th)

Points Against: GHDC 29.44 (3rd), POP 30.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: GHDC 17th, POP 19th

Past Games: POP 30 - GHDC 29, GHDC 24 - POP 23

Line: Grey Hair Don’t Care (-1)

 

GF Prediction: Grey Hair Don't Care has done nothing but rise and rise since the start of the season. They've looked pretty good in most of their matchups, although it appears they didn't look as dominant as one would've hoped in the first week of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Passed Our Prime got their studs to show up, and those horses just ran by the defense of WDC. These two teams split the season series 1-1, with both teams winning by a single point. This is going to be spectacular football, but, if POP has everyone again: Sean, Keyon, Kyle in particular, and Hogan doesn't "Hogan" anything, POP will pull off a slight "upset" if you can even call it that. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 2

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: We love the way Grey Hair - Don't Care battled back from a rough start to earn the #2 seed in this division.  Passed Our Prime is an exceptionally good team, but as you point out, some of these studs play in D1 in the morning, and Saturday will be a brutal temperature to play three or four games in a day.  Plus, won't Sean start pounding shots as soon as Legends wins D1?  Grey Hair has the momentum and the fresher players, so we'll take them.  GREY HAIR DON'T CARE BY 7

 

D2 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Passed Our Prime vs Dilfs - The 3 seed vs the 4 seed. That feels just about right for D2. This should be a great one. Passed Our Prime beat the Dilfs in the final week of the season 25-24. The Dilfs did a great job of slowing down that POP offense, but they forgot to take advantage of that porous defense. They won't get shut down by that defense twice in a row. DILFS BY 8

 

TSLQBPRC prediction: We've got Grey Hair - Don't Care vs DILFS for the D2 championship.  Grey Hair would be the higher seed, DILFS would be the easy choice based on stats.  Our pick is the DILFS, but this will likely be Travis's fifth game of the day (in the heat, on a bad ankle) and we're not expecting his best, so this could be a close one in the end.  DILFS BY 2

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 The Untouchaballs 34, #8 Sleezin Szn 6

#2 Frodo Swaggins 28, #7 Show Me Dem TDs 19

#3 Freeballers 27, #6 Buffalo Vice 23

#5 Itches and Ohs 29, #4 4th & Something 28

 

Hey, we got our first upset, but it’s not much of one. Itches and Ohs slide by 4th & Something in the 4-5 matchup. Buffalo Vice continue to hang well in D3, just losing out to the higher seeded Freeballers. Meanwhile Frodo and The Untouchaballs cruised on to Championship Saturday with some easier victories. 

 

#1 The Untouchaballs (8-1) vs #5 Itches and Ohs (4-5)

Points For: UT 39.22 (1st), Ohs 30.33 (4th)

Points Against: UT 24.22 (2nd), Ohs 33.78 (7th)

TSL Rank: UT 1st, Ohs 32nd

Past Games: UT 40 - Ohs 32

Line: The Untouchaballs (-8)

 

GF Prediction: It's obviously awful and not fun at all that we're agreeing all of the time, and man I just feel like D3 won't be different. The Untouchaballs have been leaving everyone beaten and bruised this season, which hasn't made D3 super fun, from an outsider perspective. Jeremy Burr has proceeded to abuse defenses by unleashing Matt Helm, Greg + Meg, and Mel Linsmair to perfection. Itches and ohs historically win games because they're dominating the QB and Female battles, but Untouchaballs go toe to toe with them in both aspects. When it comes down to it, I expect the Untouchaballs Defense to get one or two more stops than the Ohs, and that'll be that. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Yeah, we'd love to disagree with you on some more outcomes just to play devil's advocate, but so far it's hard to pick against the favorites.  The only disagreement we might have in this game is the final score because we do NOT anticipate this one being close.  Sure, Untouchaballs only won by 8 in that first matchup, but that was way back in April.  Untouchaballs have looked untouchable since then, and Itches have been inconsistent at best.  THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 17 

 

#2 Frodo Swaggins (5-4) vs #3 Freeballers (5-4)

Points For: Frodo 34.56 (2nd), Freeballers 30.78 (3rd)

Points Against: Frodo 33.56 (6th), Freeballers 22.22 (1st)

TSL Rank: Frodo 18th, Freeballers 21st

Past Games: Frodo 28 - Freeballers 21

Line: Freeballers (-3)

 

GF Prediction - Frodo and the Freeballers have had very boring, 'meh' seasons this year. Both went 5-4 and had some ups and downs. These two teams are pretty closely matched, as shown by Frodo's 28-21 win over the Freeballers in Week 1. Freeballers went on a bit of a tear in the middle of the season before tripping all over themselves down the stretch. None of that matters for either team now though. Garrett Beesing's offense has put up a bunch of points, as he correctly utilizes Tammy, Emily, Sarah, and Kristen effectively. They have strong male talent, but nobody is heads and shoulders above the rest either. Meanwhile Freeballers are the same way: Solid top to bottom in all facets of the game. The one thing they do better than anyone is play defense though. I think the Freeballers slow Frodo down enough to take home a win. FREEBALLERS BY 4

 

TSLQBPRC predictions: Freeballers are the only team to beat Untouchaballs this season, and we'd love to see a rematch in the Finals.  So why are we betting against it?  Since that Freeballers vs Untouchaballs game, Freeballers have gone 2-3, and both of their wins were against Buffalo Vice (one of which was last week in the playoffs).  Okay, they match up well against one team.  Other than that, they're not exactly peaking at the right time.  Frodo has been living on the edge all season, with their first seven games all being within one score.  We think they'll handle the stress of a playoff nailbiter better than most teams.  FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

 

D3 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: The Untouchaballs vs Freeballers. The worst thing the Freeballers could've done this season was upset The Untouchaballs during the season. This does two things: Give them irrational confidence against a better opponent, BUT it also means they can't surprise Untouchaballs this time. Now, UT is looking for revenge from the loss earlier on. And they're going to get it. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 12

 

TSLQBPRC prediction: The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins.  Round 1 when these two teams battled it out back in April was close, with Untouchaballs winning by only 7.  Round 2 a couple weeks ago was not, with Untouchaballs winning by 26.  Let's split the difference, and it's still Untouchaballs by two scores.  This is their season to win D3.  It would take a heroic effort by Frodo (or an utter collapse by Untouchaballs) to pull off this upset, and we just don't see it.  THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 16

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Practice Squad 49, #8 Spinelli’s Plumbing 38

#7 Zack Attack 28, #2 Vaspian 22

#6 Can’t Touch This 36, #3 Cunning Stunts 25

#4 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 20, #5 Puckett All-Stars 10

 

Practice Squad takes care of business, giving the TSL its first Championship Saturday without Spinelli’s in a long time. Zack Attack takes advantage of Vaspian’s QB situation and pulls an upset to move on. ILF catches Puckett on the right day to claim a victory, and in the surprise of the weekend (almost) Can’t Touch This backs up what they’ve been saying all season to knock the Stunts out of the playoffs. D4 is ridiculous, and it’s a ton of fun. That’s probably why everyone registers for it. 

 

#1 Practice Squad (8-1) vs #7 Zack Attack (5-4)

Points For: PS 32.50 (4th), ZA 23.11 (10th)

Points Against: PS 21.13 (3rd), ZA 19.89 (2nd)

TSL Rank: PS 2nd, ZA 29th

Past Games: PS 34 - ZA 24

Line: Practice Squad (-8)

 

GF Prediction: Ah yes, the wild west that is D4. It's literally anyone's game here. Practice Squad has been very, very good, and very, very healthy this season, and because of that they're on a tear. They dispatched of Spinelli's last week pretty easily. Nobody is throwing the ball better than B is, and the defense has been top notch. Zack Attack scored a "upset" of Vaspian last week, but it was pretty predictable given the QB injury situation. While Zack Attack is looking closer to the team I remember from recent seasons, I'm not sure they're on par to pull this upset. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 15

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: No one on our Committee is picking Zack Attack here.  Maybe they can use that as "nobody believed in us!" fuel to shock the world on Saturday.  Wouldn't that be exciting?  But we don't believe in them because Practice Squad is just a better team at this point in the season, and we don't see them losing a game.  At least, not in the semi-finals.  PRACTICE SQUAD BY 10

 

#4 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (6-3) vs #6 Can’t Touch This (5-4)

Points For: ILF 32.00 (6th), CTT 26.11 (7th)

Points Against: ILF 31.22 (8th), CTT 25.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: ILF 14th, CTT 25th

Past Games: ILF 37 - CTT 33

Line: Even

 

GF Prediction: ILF took advantage of a historically weak playoff effort by Puckett to move on in the playoffs. Sure, some of that is attributed to the ILF defense, but even still, 10 points isn't much at all. They come to play against Can't Touch This, who shocked the TSL world with their defeat of the Cunning Stunts last weekend. Joe Miano vs Ryan Dougherty is somehow a QB matchup that's must see tv. CTT won last week based off the strength of their girls, who were complete unknowns before last week. Now, I’ve found out that at least one girl is named Ryhan, and she’s marrying Ryan. I feel like Lenny set this up somehow. These teams had a banger of a matchup earlier this season, and this is going to be the best game of the first round. When it comes down to it, I think Can't Touch This has played a lot better competition and they'll continue to rub that awful schedule in Topper's face. CANT TOUCH THIS BY 2

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: For the fourth division in a row, we'll agree with your first game prediction and disagree with your second.  ILF is playing their best football of the year.  Can't Touch This absolutely has the guns to beat them, but the Falcons seem to average a pick-six per game, and we think that'll be the difference.  INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 3

 

 

D4 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Practice Squad vs Can't Touch This for the D4 World Championship is not a thing a single person had guessed back in April. CTT is very up for the task at hand, but in the end, Practice Squad has slightly better talent overall, and they've done this a lot longer. Can’t Touch This will win many TSL championships in this league, it's just not this season. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Practice Squad vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons will be a great finals, but we're not sure how ILF has any edge in this game.  Joe Miano is great.  Isn't B a little better?  The Falcons men are great.  Aren't Practice Squad's a little better?  Christina Nelson is a monster for ILF.  Aren't Renee and Ashtin a little better?  We expect the Falcons to play a good enough game to give them a shot at the end, but Practice Squad is so well rounded.  Looks like we're picking the same division champ yet again, Godfather.  PRACTICE SQUAD BY 5

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Cobblestone 34, #8 Not So Sticky 32

#7 Passing While Intoxicated 28, #2 TMA 20

#3 Tater Tots 33, #6 Come From Behind 30

#4 Red Zone Mafia 39, #5 716 20

 

Cobblestone survives Not So Sticky after going up big early. PWI proceeded to upset TMA on the strength of Colorado Mike. The Tots avenged a loss to CFB, figuring out their defense to move on. And the Red Zone Mafia continues to lurk in the shadows, taking out 716. 

 

#1 Cobblestone (7-2) vs #7 Passing While Intoxicated (3-6)

Points For: Cobblestone 28.33 (5th), PWI 18.89 (8th)

Points Against: Cobblestone 20.78 (3rd), PWI 25.56 (6th)

TSL Rank: Cobblestone 4th, PWI 39th

Past Games: PWI 28 - Cobblestone 12

Line: Cobblestone (-7)

 

GF Prediction: Passing While Intoxicated put TMA right back into the world of "not getting to championship games when they're favored to do so". As much fun as that was last week, the other results of games really boned them. Not only did they get on the map as shocking the world with the win, Cobblestone looked like buffoons after talking lots of smack to Not So Sticky and promptly getting humbled. Granted, Cobblestone came through at the end, but that just goes to show you there isn't anything Darryl Carr can't do. Either way, PWI can't sneak up on Cobblestone (as they did in the season when they beat them), and Cobblestone *better* keep their mouths shut and just play football this time around. It'll keep them focused and keep them moving to the title game. COBBLESTONE BY 12

 

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  It's hard not to read into the results of last week when Cobblestone looked VERY beatable and Passing While Intoxicated looked like heroes.  We've got to think the truth of each team lies in the larger sample size of the entire season, and over the course of the season, Cobblestone was a significantly better team.  COBBLESTONE BY 16

 

#3 Tater Tots (6-3) vs #4 Red Zone Mafia (6-3)

Points For: TT 24.33 (6th), RZM 31.44 (1st)

Points Against: TT 18.22 (2nd), RZM 21.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: TT 10th, RZM 13th

Past Games: TT 25 - RZM 20

Line: Red Zone Mafia (-3)

 

GF Prediction: The Tater Tots and Red Zone Mafia meet in what should be a fantastic matchup. These two teams have both played tremendously. Blake Fisher has emerged as a very good QB, and he's essentially a 20 years younger Jeff Easton, who throws the ball for the Tots nowadays. Both teams have talent all over the place, and the Tots defense is going to be what decides to keep them in games. However, the Red Zone Mafia have had a very good team on both sides of the ball, and quite frankly when it comes down to it, there's no way that Lenny Alba doesn't fix the games so we get a Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia final. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 6

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Would you look at that, this will be the first time we've picked the same Finals game in a division!  We're also going with Red Zone Mafia.  They just drive down the field so effortlessly and get those gender points more often than not.  The Tots are a good team, and we think they're going to put up an awesome fight, but we don't see that being enough.  RED ZONE MAFIA BY 5

 

D5 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia. A big time battle against former teammates. Red Zone Mafia took the regular season matchup, although Cobblestone wasn't at 100%. This game is going to be a blood bath that comes down to the wire, but in the end we're going to see Red Zone Mafia win on a late Sam Lattuca TD pass. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 4

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia.  This is the way D5 is destined to end.  Red Zone Mafia knows Darryl all too well, but do the Cobblestone defenders know how to stop Blake and Sam?  We doubt it.  RED ZONE MAFIA BY 3

 

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#3 Blitzkrieg 40, #6 Lenny’s Ladies 24

#4 Woodpeckers 21, #5 Lettuce Win 6

 

Nothing too surprising here in D6. Blitzkrieg pulls away to beat Lenny’s Ladies, and the Woodpeckers handle Lettuce Win without much of an issue. 

 

#1 Travis Henry’s Kids (7-1) vs #4 Woodpeckers (4-5)

Points For: THK 37.63 (1st), Woodpeckers 21.57 (5th)

Points Against: THK 21.63 (1st), Woodpeckers 27.14 (4th)

TSL Rank: THK 5th, Woodpeckers 34th

Past Games: THK 20 - Woodpeckers 12, THK 40 - Woodpeckers 33

Line: Travis Henry’s Kids (-7)

 

GF Predictions - Travis Henry's Kids shouldn't be in this division, and yada, yada, yada. We get it, John Langley and Pete Wallbrandt get to play pitch and catch while the rest of the Woodpeckers struggle to keep up with them. Woodpeckers are lucky enough to trot out Handsome Wrestler Dan and a pair of Buscaglias, but they don't have much else in terms of firepower to keep pace with the juggernauts that THK truly is. TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 17

 

TSLQBPRC Predictions: We've never understood these "shouldn't be in this division" comments about Travis Henry's Kids.  They were 5-4 in D6 last session.  They were 5-4 in D6 the session before that.  They've been an average team in their division two years running, and then D6 lost TMA, Graves Bros and Victorious Secret this past offseason session.  Travis Henry's Kids doesn't have to apologize for their opponents leaving, they had nothing to do with that.  They can only beat the teams that line up to play them, and in this case it's Woodpeckers.  TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 11

 

#2 Southside (6-3) vs #3 Blitzkrieg (4-5)

Points For: SS 28.88 (3rd), BK 22.88 (4th)

Points Against: SS: 27.13 (3rd), BK 28.25 (5th)

TSL Rank: SS 15th, BK 31st

Past Games: BK 21 - SS 0 (forfeit), SS 25 - BK 18

Line: Southside (-7)

 

GF Predictions - Blitzkrieg finds themselves in familiar territory, Good enough to win, but just on the outside looking in. This hasn't been the best season for the Blitz, as roster turnover and whatnot led to some poor performances. They seem to be picking things up at the right time though! Of course, the issue is that they're running into a Southside squad that has been consistently good regardless of who they put on the field. There's not much Blitzkrieg can do here to keep up with Southside, as they look destined to play THK in the battle for D6. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Blitzkrieg was 3-6 last session, and they're 4-5 this session.  Improvement, sure, but not championship material yet.  Southside on the other hand is built to win right now.  SOUTHSIDE BY 14

 

 

D6 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Travis Henry's Kids vs Southside - The way it was always meant to be since Week 1 when Southside stomped on THK. THK, of course, returned the favor in a 65-14 thrashing. The rubber match was a 33-29 THK win in the most recent contest, and that's more than likely the type of game we're going to see here. It all comes back to the usual thing in D6: John Langley vs himself. Langley gets himself too amped and gets too cocky about his D6 chances and then proceeds to have a meltdown and blow it. Southside has nothing to lose here, and everything to gain. THK will 100% be in D5 next season, but it won't be because they won the title. Langley crumbles mentally, and Southside wins. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: "Langley crumbles mentally, and Southside wins".  For a team with the best +/- per game in the TSL, it's amazing how possible that sounds for Travis Henry's Kids.  Southside IS very good, and very capable of winning this game after all.  THK is very capable of imploding.  But we think they hang on and win a game that's more stressful than they were expecting.  TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 2

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY:

 

Which #1 seed is most likely to NOT win their division on Saturday?

 

TSLQBPRC: Well, our Committee picked ALL the #1 seeds to win their divisions except for Scared Hitless and Cobblestone, so probably one of those two, right?  We'll say Cobblestone.  We really like Red Zone Mafia's chances, and Scared Hitless still has excellent odds to win their division.  In order of least likely to most likely for the #1 seeds, we'll say Cobblestone, Scared Hitless, Legends, Practice Squad, Travis Henry's Kids, Untouchaballs.  Does that sound about right?

 

GF: I can’t argue that order, maybe flip Practice Squad and THK. Overall, yes, I’d probably say Cobblestone at this point. D5 is still very good, and they didn’t exactly wow me with the effort against Not So Sticky. Even if they get past PWI, who beat them before, the winner of the Tots/Red Zone Mafia matchup is going to give them hell. 

 

 

2) Who is the most unlikely champion you could imagine winning on Saturday?

 

TSLQBPRC: Tight Ends in Motion are the most athletically gifted football team everyone has already written off, so we'll take them.  It's not impossible that they pull off a couple upsets to take D1.  And then Woodpeckers have played Travis Henry's Kids close a couple times already.  Why not a wild upset win here and then cashing in on that momentum to win a championship?  Is that SO unlikely?

 

GF: PWI would be the most unlikely champion I can see winning. The path is there for them. They’ve already beaten Cobblestone before, so who’s to say they can’t make the title game and then get a bounce or two? 

 

3) Which team is under the most pressure to perform well?

 

GF: Scared Hitless needs to win D2. Think about it, they’ve been the D2 darlings since the season started. They WON a crossover game. They’re going to D1 regardless of if they win the title or not this weekend. If they walk out of Saturday without a title, that’s going to be deflating after a great season. 

 

TSLQBPRC: It's Legends, right?  They built an all-star team but if they can't win twice on Saturday people will start pointing fingers and asking what happened.  That's a lot of pressure that no other #1 seed can really relate to.  Travis Henry's Kids would be another team that everyone just expects to win because they've been in D6 a while now and it's assumed to be "their time" (like TMA of last season).  Also, a lot of pressure on those guys, John in particular.

 

 4) Who is the best remaining QB from each division?

 

TSLQBPRC: What, don't you read our Power Rankings?  D1 has three contenders, but Joey finished the season as the highest ranked, so as much as people may disagree (Mr. Godfather, Joey's Stunts teammates, his Legends teammates...) we're sticking with him.  Dylan Day is our choice for D2 with Hogan just a hair behind him, unquestionably Burr for D3, without a doubt B for D4, Darryl for D5 edging out Blake Fisher, and John for D6.

 

GF: What a terrible question for me when the committee is right here. Bobby is the man in D1, and you’re forgetting about Dubey in D2. How dare you. Hard to argue Burr in D3, or B in D4. Obviously Darryl in D5, don’t be silly. And it has to be Langley in D6 . 

 

5) Which non-QB do you expect to be the MVP for each division on Saturday?

 

GF: I think Mike Boccio shows up and reminds everyone just who he is this weekend in D1. For D2, Jonny FN Football is going to ball out on some fools. In D3, its time more than just The Sentinel (RIP) know about Matt Helm. D4 is going to give you all a brand new Can’t Touch This player to learn about, I just don’t know who they are yet. I’m sure if Cobblestone wins the whole thing, it’ll be because of someone that the league will say “who is THAT guy and when did Darryl get him?” prompting immediate roster checks. And in D6, it’s just Pistol Pete. That guy is fantastic. 

 

TSLQBPRC: Sean Weisensal will do something ridiculously athletic in D1 whether Legends win it or not.  We don't know if Passed Our Prime is going to win any games, but we'll take Kyle Conniff in D2.  Mel Linsmair (Untouchaballs) is our pick in D3 if she's not one of the missing Scared Hitless girls we talked about earlier.  Renee Lantz is going to light it up for Practice Squad in D4, it feels like a big day is coming for her.  Sam Lattuca is always terrifying to play against for Red Zone Mafia so she's our pick for D5.  And finally, we'll take Dan Farinacci from Woodpeckers in D6, he's always a highlight reel waiting to happen.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY: 

 

1) Whatever happened to the indoor facility the Angry Buffalo was going to start building this session?  Wasn't that supposed to start construction mid-season?

 

2) Breakfast Club is pitting Liddle Deaks against Steph Infection, in a battle of the top 2 seeds. These teams went 1-1 against each other this season, so the game itself is going to be pretty great. Liddle Deaks 37, Steph Infection 31

 

3) As always, major credit should be given to Travis for his management of the sublist this session.  It's the single least rewarding job in bar league football, and he does it with a smile (okay, he does it, maybe he doesn't smile that much).  Travis always has to be the bad cop telling people "no, you can't have this person, no, we're not going to reward you with a great player just because you're asking five minutes before gametime".  Whether people appreciate it or not (and they don't, at least not enough) this makes the League WAY more fair and fun for everyone.  If he's stopping YOU from grabbing bullshit subs, remember, he's stopping your opponents from doing the same thing.  To loosely quote A Few Good Men, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want Travis on that wall, you NEED Travis on that wall.

 

4) It’s going to be 90 degrees tomorrow. Seriously, wear some sunscreen. AND Topper has informed me that he’s acquired a slip and slide for the day so people can cool off. Dress accordingly! 

 

5) Officiating has been fantastic this season, so Coach Jay is going out on a high note in his final season as Head of Officiating.  Thanks again for all the work you've done the past few sessions.  Crazy that we've gone from "the dirtiest player in the game" Rameer to "basically Captain America" Coach Jay and those two very different personalities were both able to be so effective.  Hopefully Jay isn't a stranger around the fields in future sessions.  Best of luck in fatherhood Jay!

 

6) The wine tournament is August 13th and signups are coming VERY soon. Topper wanted me to express that the T-Shirt guy from Lenny and Rameer Day will be there this year, and there will more than likely be some “wine tournament” themed merchandise as well. 

 

7)  The Rose Garden staff were fantastic this session.  They really know how to hire friendly, hardworking people that make our Saturdays at the bar all the more special.

 

8) Even if you’re one of the unlucky people who are no longer in the Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality, you should STILL come to the fields this weekend. Championship Saturday is always a party, and with slip and slides and people popping champagne all over the place, it’s a great way to say goodbye. Come to the fields and party! 

 

9) Is it bad luck to say "it's been a while since we've had an ambulance on the field"?  We had a rocky start to the season with medical emergencies but since then, it's been smooth sailing.  Not sure if Topper ever did that exorcism/field blessing he was planning or whether B's Brother cast some kind of protection spell, but we've been pretty lucky to have no incidents the last few weeks.

 

10) It’s very disappointing that B’s Brother would abandon the TSL for Championship Saturday, but he’s on Official TSL business scouting playing sites for the potential expansion into Georgia. He’s been a rockstar this season, it’s always good to have him back. 

 

 

And there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen. The Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is about to reach the finish line. Nobody knows how it’s going to go, and I guarantee you we’ll have multiple surprises on the fields. Good luck to everyone out there and remember not to freak out on the refs. 

 

-GF OUT

Week 9 Picks, Thoughts, Insights and stuff

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 10 June 2022 12:23

Published: Friday, 10 June 2022 12:23

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1533

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, it’s time to get serious. 

 

After a picture perfect Lenny and Rameer Day last weekend that saw great football, hilarious antics, and a lot of fun being had by the TSL, this week is completely different. You see, this is the final week before the playoffs. The Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality is about to begin, and some of us will be left behind at the starting line. 

 

Week 9 is upon us. It’s the last chance for teams to make a statement, put some wins together, and for some of us, punch their entry into the playoffs. There’s a lot at stake for most of our teams this week. Who has to win to get in? Who’s out? Who needs help? Let’s go over it now so we can get a much clearer idea of what we’re watching for this week. 

 

D1: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Eyes Downtown 53, Grey Hair Don’t Care 37

Legends 49, Passed Our Prime 19

Scared Hitless 35, Tight Ends In Motion 31

 

All of the games listed above were crossover games. Grey Hair gave Eyes Downtown a little run for their money, but it wasn’t as close as the score indicated. Legends walked all over a Hogan-less POP, and Scared Hitless showed that even if they don’t win the D2 title this session, they’re playing in D1 in the fall anyway as they beat Tight Ends In Motion. 

 

What’s At Stake: 

 

Not a lot to write home about in our Top Division. We only have 4 teams, and all will make the playoffs. Tight Ends is locked into that 4th spot after what has easily been the hardest season of their existence. Sticky Bandits are locked into the 2v3 game. The only thing at stake is the #1 seed heading into the playoffs and who gets the “easier” game against TEIM as the Legends and Eyes Downtown battle for it this week. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Legends vs Eyes Downtown (+1) - Both of these teams have been pretty good, as their 6-2 records suggest. They both have D1 Championship aspirations, and both teams are fully aware that playing Tight Ends In Motion in Round 1 of the playoffs is a lot more appetizing than playing Sticky Bandits. This game means a lot more than most realize right now. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 7

 

Sticky Bandits vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) - It hasn’t been the world’s best season for Tight Ends, as a change in QB and a complete overhaul of the females on the team really set them up for failure. Every year we get a few teams that have the ‘season from hell’ and this just seems to be TEIM’s turn. Sticky, on the other hand, continues their rise up the Social Co-Ed Football rankings. Very rarely do we see the “team that sticks together and climbs all the way to the top from lower divisions” anymore, but they’ve done it pretty nicely. This game doesn’t mean much for either team, as they look to avoid injury to their stars. STICKY BANDITS BY 10

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Eyes Downtown 53, Grey Hair Don’t Care 37

Legends 49, Passed Our Prime 19

Scared Hitless 35, Tight Ends In Motion 31

When Dove Cries 38, Bullet Club 26

Dilfs 45, The Notorious BNB 21

 

We already spoke on the Crossover games, but last week also saw Topper getting a win over Bullet Club to finally notch his first victory of the season (And WDC’s second win overall, both against BC) while the Dilfs dominated BNB to move into 2nd place in the division. 

 

What’s At Stake:

 

With their big win in the D1/D2 Crossover game, Scared Hitless has locked down the #1 seed for the D2 playoffs, which means they get the bye week. But after that, we have a lot of seeding to get through. The Dilfs currently have the 2 seed, which means they’d play Bullet Club, which is essentially a bye week anyway. If the Dilfs lose to Passed Our Prime, chaos may reign for the seeding. That would put both at 5-4, where a Grey Hair win over Bullet Club (likely) also puts them at 5-4. But wait! A Notorious BNB win over WDC (probable) AND an upset of Scared Hitless (not as probable, though they don’t have anything to play for) also would put them at 5-4. A 4 way tie pretty much leaves it up to Topper’s wacky calculations for his standings, and it’ll be interesting to see that play out. Also, a WDC win over BNB, coupled with BNB losing to Scared Hitless would get WDC up to 5th, and BNB slides to 6th. Not a single first round matchup is determined, as is customary in D2. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Bullet Club (+10) - Bullet Club lost their best chance to get a win last weekend, in a matchup that sounds like it was full of subs last week anyway. It can’t be a great game if the teams involved don’t even want to show. They now have their last chance to notch a win before the playoffs, but it comes in the form of a Grey Hair team that has really been putting it together as the season progresses. Dave Eickhoff is a sneaky MVP candidate (and potential Ref of the Year!) as he’s used his weapons to their fullest extent. They didn’t beat Eyes Downtown last week, but they showed they could hang with them. GREY HAIR DON'T CARE BY 14

The Notorious BNB vs When Dove Cries (+3) - It’s not the season either of these teams were hoping for when they signed up, but they can’t do much about it now. Team Topper is starting to get hot, riding a very tall and talented lineup to the end zone. But the emergence of Talia Calabro to really show she can play in D2 has also been a fantastic development, especially when she’s paired with Cheryl Julicher. BNB has all the talent in the world, but they’ve struggled recently as key players haven’t been there and the usual nonsense has taken its toll on them. This game means something for seeding. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 6

 

Dilfs vs Passed Our Prime (EVEN) - As we stated above, if the Dilfs win, they get the 2 seed and date with Bullet Club in the first round. If they lose? Chaos. Passed Our Prime was beaten up without their fearless leader last week, but Hogan should be back and ready to make things interesting against a Dilf’s team that looks to be without an injured Travis Cleavenger-Bernal. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 5

 

Scared Hitless vs The Notorious BNB (+10) - Just because a game means nothing to Scared Hitless, they’re still going to play like it does. D2’s dominant team this season doesn’t want to go into the playoffs taking a “week off”, and the reason they are the top seed is because they treat every game like it's the biggest game of the year. They’re impossible to stop right now. SCARED HITLESS BY 17

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sleezin Szn 22, Itches and Ohs 8

The Untouchaballs 42, Sleezin Szn 25

Frodo Swaggins 37, Show Me Dem TDs 15

Show Me Dem TDs 22, Freeballers 20

Freeballers 34, Buffalo Vice 21

Itches and Ohs 45, 4th & Something 41

 

Sleezin Szn gets a big win, shutting down Itches completely before getting beat up by The Untouchaballs after. Frodo didn’t have Garrett throwing, which means things were easier for the offense as they cruised to a win. Show Me Dem TDs lost to Frodo, but came back to beat up the slumping Freeballers who have been below average since forcing me to apologize to them. As usual, I was right. The Freeballers would then go onto beat a shell of Buffalo Vice, who was missing a ton of people, per my weekly email from Dan. And then Itches and ohs followed the trend of “lose a game, win a game” in D3, finding their offense en route to a win over 4&S. 

 

What’s At Stake: 

 

Another division that has everyone making the playoffs, but there are no bye weeks to be earned here in the TSL Thunderdome this division has become. Anyone can beat anyone just about this time around. The Untouchaballs are the #1 seed and are easily the class of D3. After that, we have a whole bunch of seeding going around. Frodo could lose to Untouchaballs, sending them to 5-4, where a 4&S win over Freeballers, and an Itches win over Vice gives us a 4 way tie for 2nd. Tell me if you’ve heard this before. A Buffalo Vice loss might cause them to tumble to 7th depending on who wins the Sleezin Szn/Show Me game, where the loser of that game is guaranteed to play the buzzsaw that are The Untouchaballs. Chaos, again. Just how Topper likes it. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins (+7) - This game is a big measuring stick for Frodo, because if they get blown out here, it’ll start to creep in their minds yet again that they’re always just the bridesmaids, but never the bride in D3. A win here would be massive, and put some doubt into the uberconfident Untouchaballs. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

 

Freeballers vs 4th & Something (+6) - Freeballers. Guys, what happened? I’m sure there’s a litany of excuses, but as always it starts at the top. The word I’m receiving is that 40 Year Plan Guy is once again focused more on his game at the bar than on the field, and his team is suffering because of it. Meanwhile, this is the time 4&S really starts to get going so they can win a playoff game or two. 4th & SOMETHING BY 8

 

Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice (+7) - A great D4 matchup last season, a great D3 matchup this season. Buffalo Vice is looking to avoid finishing lower in the standings and end up with a harder game next week, meanwhile with a big win Itches could slither up to 2nd overall with some help. This should be interesting. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

 

Sleezin Szn vs Show Me Dem TDs (EVEN) - 2-6 is not what either team envisioned here at this point in the season, but there’s nothing they can do about it now. Both teams have shown flashes of life during the season, especially recently. There’s nothing appetizing about finishing 2-7 and having to play the Untouchaballs next week though. This game is big for both. SLEEZIN SZN BY 8

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Varsity Has Beens 32, Puckett All-Stars 26

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 37, Can't Touch This 33

Zack Attack 47, Today’s Feast 15

Practice Squad 21, XMD 0 (forfeit)

Cunning Stunts 45, Spinelli’s Plumbing 40

TOX 27, Vaspian 14

Varsity Has Beens pick up a HUGE win over Puckett that keeps their playoff hopes alive. ILF shuts down Can’t Touch This and ends their hot streak. Zack Attack figured out offense a bit, walking all over Today’s Feast while shutting them down on defense. The Stunts and Spinelli’s went head to head in a war, with the Stunts just pulling this one out. And TOX gets another win, as Vaspian continues to trend downward this season. 

 

What’s At Stake:

 

Of the 12 teams in this division, only 8 will make the playoffs. That makes for a lot of meaningful games as we head into our final week. Practice Squad has clinched 1st overall, as only the Stunts can catch them in record, but PS won the head to head matchup. So we know that, and we also know that TOX and Today’s Feast are both going to be on the outside looking in for the playoffs. Varsity Has Beens can go 2-0 this weekend to get to 4-5, and XMD can also beat ILF to go to 4-5. Spinellis plays Practice Squad where a loss could put them at 4-5. Zack Attack gets the Stunts that could put them at 4-5. Oh, and Varsity would have to beat Can't Touch This to go 2-0, which would put them at 4-5. If TOX upsets Puckett? You guessed it, they’re 4-5. We could conceivably have 6 teams at 4-5, where two of them would miss the playoffs. Every. Game. Counts. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Can’t Touch This vs Varsity Has Beens (+8) - CTT has been really good since a slow start to the season, and last week just feels like a small hiccup. While a win would have clinched them a playoff spot, instead they have a potential “play in” game this week where Varsity can get a pretty key head to head tiebreaker win here. IF CTT wins, they have nothing to worry about. I think I’m going to trust Ryan to get it done. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 8

 

Puckett All-Stars vs TOX (+7) - TOX has been spry lately, as things seem to be coming together for them just a little too late. But they can still play spoiler against a Puckett team who put themselves into a tougher scenario than they needed to be in this week after the loss to Varsity. A loss to TOX would open them up to missing the playoffs, but this team is known for making it hard for themselves before succeeding. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 9

 

ILF vs XMD (+7) - An unfortunate forfeit last weekend to Practice Squad put XMD on the outside looking in heading into this week. They’re the “They need to win and get some help” team this week, so all they can do is focus on this game, and see where the chips fall. ILF has an outside shot at the #2 seed with a win, but they’ve already clinched a playoff spot. XMD BY 4

 

Cunning Stunts vs Varsity Has Beens (+10) - Here’s the hard part for Varsity’s unlikely run to the playoffs. The Stunts are just superstars in every sense of the word, so not only will it be hard for VHB to beat Can't Touch This, then they have to beat the Stunts just to HOPE things go their way. It’s a tall order, and new teams always struggle with gender teams (Hint: have your guys step out at the 1 and go for girl TDs. Don’t get male TDs). CUNNING STUNTS BY 18

 

Vaspian vs Today’s Feast (+12) - I don’t know what’s happened to Vaspian, arguably the coldest team in the league right now. But, Today’s Feast is a great remedy for them to shake it off and get their heads on straight. TF has shown flashes of promise, but a midseason surge kind of fizzled out as of late as they’re running for the bus here. Vaspian gets back on track. VASPIAN BY 10

 

Practice Squad vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+8) - Not quite the end of the season Spinelli’s envisioned before they started to wear their cursed new jerseys. They’re currently in the playoff picture, but they get the best team in the division now, and if they don’t win to clinch a spot, they could be placed into tiebreaker hell with a few other 4-5 teams. They’ll know if they’re in or not before the game starts (VHB and XMD will have played already), so it might not be a “MUST” win, but it very well could be. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 13

 

Cunning Stunts vs Zack Attack (+9) - Zack Attack did this to themselves after a weak middle of the season. Even with things turning around and looking up, they're still fighting for their playoff lives still against a Stunts team that is just very, very good, as we all know. An XMD win coupled with a Zack Attack loss could knock ZA out of the playoffs. That just doesn’t feel right. ZACK ATTACK BY 3

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind 40, Passing While Intoxicated 26

TMA 31, Two Tuddies 0

Tater Tots 44, 716 14

Red Zone Mafia 41, Not So Sticky 23

Red Zone Mafia 34, Cobblestone 14

 

CFB is back into cruise control, winning easily over PWI and looking good heading toward the playoffs. TMA trounced the Tuddies on their way to an easy win. The Tater Tots continue to look very promising with another big win, this time over 716. And Red Zone Mafia went 2-0 on the day, stomping out NSS before getting a pretty big win over Cobblestone in a rivalry game of sorts. 

 

What’s At Stake:

 

Not much. NSS and the Tuddies are guaranteed to play in the game. Everything else is seeding based. TMA and RZM’s seasons are over, so they’re going to stay at 7-2 and 6-3 respectively. The interesting part comes in where Cobblestone could beat 716, and the Tater Tots could beat Come From Behind AND Two Tuddies and we have a three way 7-2 tie, that also pushes RZM into the 4v5 game. If that happens, I believe Cobblestone would end up as the #1 seed (They’re 2-0 against TMA/Tots), with TMA at #2 (they beat the Tots), and Tots at 3. Of course, this is assuming I know the tiebreakers and things work out how they should. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Cobblestone vs 716 (+5) - Darryl Carr QB Superstar has a shot at the #1 seed, which means he’s going to be slinging it all over the place to his players. 716 has been a little off in recent weeks, and while they’re looking to get it together for the playoffs, I’m not sure it’s going to happen. COBBLESTONE BY 12

 

Tater Tots vs Come From Behind (+1) - CFB is slowly becoming that “team nobody wants to play in the playoffs” once again. A less than ideal 1-4 start has been erased, and Paul has been looking great throwing the ball as they get to 4-4. The Tots have overcome a rough start of their own by their standards, losing their QB to injury (and getting a good replacement in Jeff Easton) to go 2-0 against some top teams. The Tots’ defense has been very, very good as well, and they’ll need to be to slow down CFB. COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

 

Tater Tots vs Two Tuddies (+16) - A lot of “T’s” in this one. Try saying “Tater Tots Two Tuddies” five times fast. It’s harder than you think. The Tuddies have been great people to have around this season, but it seems like it's not quite translating to the football field just yet. There’s always next year. TATER TOTS BY 12

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Travis Henry’s Kids 33, Southside 29

Woodpeckers 21, Lettuce Win 0 (forfeit)

Blitzkrieg 30, Lenny’s Ladies 0

 

Travis Henry’s Kids look to not exactly be the slam dunk we thought they were a few weeks ago, as Southside gave them a run for their money this week. Woodpeckers pick up a forfeit win, and Blitzkrieg gets a win over a Lenny’s Ladies team that had trouble holding on to the ball in the endzone last weekend. 

 

What’s At Stake:

 

Everyone makes the playoffs, but two teams get a bye. THK will finish 7-1-1 (as they tie Lenny’s Ladies in a game that can’t be made up) and they’re the clear cut 1 seed. As for the #2 seed, Blitzkrieg currently sits in that position at 4-5, but Southside has two games to get one win to overtake them. The Woodpeckers are sitting at 3-4 with games against Southside and Lenny’s Ladies that could vault them into the #2 seed if they go 2-0. Or, of course, all 4 teams could end up 4-5 and we go to tiebreakers for the bye. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Southside vs Woodpeckers (+7) - Southside has been better as of late, and the ship seems to have righted itself from whatever was going on with them before. The Woodpeckers had their own issues early on, but they’ve also seemed to have corrected those as they’re very competitive. This game should be a good one. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

 

Woodpeckers vs Lenny’s Ladies (+3) - When these two teams last met, they were in the second half of a 9-8 defensive battle before unfortunate circumstances ended the game early. Now they’ll get to meet again to see if they can recreate the offensive ineptitude that was on display early in the season. WOODPECKERS BY 7

 

Southside vs Lettuce Win (+8) - Lettuce Win has had an up and down season, and you just never really know what to expect from this team each week. Going against a locked in Southside isn’t the best thing for them right now, especially since they’ll be going for the bye. SOUTHSIDE BY 19

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      Did you enjoy Lenny and Rameer Day? Our Official TSL Holiday went off without a hitch last week, and everyone had a blast from what I hear. Topper paid bagpipers to follow Dave Walter around, the reggae band was awesome, people really liked getting their own shirts made (including a classic Prim t-shirt Topper came up with). There was free ice cream, the weather was nice, and there was some very good football. Hope you had a blast. 

 

2.      What’s going on in Breakfast Club? The playoffs start this week, with the Liddle Deaks and Steph Infection getting the bye weeks. These two were the class of the league from the start, but with apparently Liddle Deaks losing Deak and Travis to injury in consecutive weeks, and The EsCourts getting an upgrade with Emily Schilling’s return, the BC title picture is as murky as ever. 

 

3.      What ARE the tiebreakers you keep talking about anyway? I’ve said this for years: Topper punches numbers into his very complicated standings machine and it spits out where people end up. I know head to head matters, but once you have 3 and 4 way ties, it gets nuts after that. Don’t worry yourself about the tiebreakers, and just win your games. Control what you can control. 

 

4.      Where are the playoff schedules? Topper ran into an issue last year by releasing the playoff schedule and times really early so we were committed to them, which made moving games around harder. He should be releasing the schedule (at least for Playoff Week 1) soon if he hasn’t already done so. 

 

5.      Is anyone going to slow down the counts? They’re out of hand. The biggest complaints in my inbox as of late have been how ridiculous the counts have been. I know that we have people who have been turning 6 seconds into 2.5 for years now, but it seems like they’re not getting warned enough. Word is the referees are being informed to pay a bit more attention to this this week and in the playoffs. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1.      Breakfast Club Playoff Predictions:

a.      The EsCourts 45, Dominatrix 27

b.      Jennatalia 44, Trish’s Tiny Disasters 43

 

2.      Games Of The Day Schedule:

a.      10:00 - Legends vs Eyes Downtown

b.      11:00 - The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins

c.      12:00 - Freeballers vs 4th & Something

d.      1:00 - Southside vs Woodpeckers

e.      2:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice

f.       3:00 - Sleezin Szn vs Show Me Dem TDs

 

3.      Three teams that have been pretty bad as of late: Vaspian, Bullet Club, and Freeballers. What happened to these teams?

 

4.      Three teams that have been pretty awesome as of late: Tater Tots, Red Zone Mafia, Come From Behind. And they’re all in D5. That’s going to be a great playoff tournament. 

 

5.      The Wine Tournament is coming! It’s August 13th! Mark your calendars now. Registration will be here before you know it. 

 

6.      Shout out once again to all of the people that are refereeing and stepping up to the plate to help this league stay the best Social Co-Ed Football league of all time. There’s a lot of new names on the ref sheet, which means more and more of you are helping out. Thank you!

 

7.      It’s getting harder and harder to see any of the probable #1 seeds in D2, D3, and D6 lose. On the flip side, it looks like D1, D4, and D5 are all up for grabs, which should make for some very exciting playoff games. 

 

8.      It was exciting to hear about the TSL Hall of Fame being a real thing, with inductions happening at the banquet. I think this will be a really fun way to honor the people who helped make this league what it is today. I think it’s obvious what 2 (maybe 3) people should be on the first ballot. The people who, if not for them, the league wouldn’t even exist today. If you’re not immediately thinking Cookie Monster, B’s Brother and Moh as well, you’re just not in touch with the league anymore. 

 

9.      I’ve been informed that many TSLers are going to be headed down to the EA Music Fest this weekend, to which I can only say be safe and don’t drink and drive! 

 

10.  Finally, with the playoffs coming up, and many teams feeling the pressure this week of potentially not making them at all, combined with some brand new refs who are helping out, remember to not lose your mind on a potential bad call and to keep your cool. We don’t need another #Travisty on our hands. Be kind to each other. 

 

It’s bittersweet to already be at the end of the TSL Spring season, it feels like we just started. The weather looks like it’ll be perfect, so get out there and enjoy yourself. 

 

Next week, the Race begins. 

 

-GF OUT