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I'd like to start off by thanking all of you who have come up to me and offered positive words to me for writing The Rant each week. I appreciate the support and positive vibes; I was actually never going to write an article again for the website, as Lenny had that all handled with the various people he got to do articles. Lenny handled "the media" of the TSL, and I was fine with that. His passing thrust me into doing a few more things than I normally do (okay, a good deal more than a few) - but I've honestly been okay with writing this. And it seems a lot of you have enjoyed it too. 

But some heads might not enjoy THIS week's Rant. Uh-uh. 

I need to get to a number of serious issues. Some of you may be upset. Some of you may get butthurt. I'm positive a few of y'all gon' cry in the car. And it may lead to crying, whining, bitching and moaning. And to that small percentage of you who live for that - I'd advise you to check your almanac and see when the next full moon is. So you can howl to the moon like the mangy dogs you are - it should be well chronicled I have no tolerance for adult men and women crying like some people do...

(Ahem) - on to my points...


Okay. Let me make this really clear here. We have literally had the same rule for years now about our sublist - all requests must be in by Thursday at 6pm. If not, you will not be granted your request. You may then choose from the Universal Sublist (USL). None of this is new. So why are Topper and I getting texts, emails, telegrams, carrier pigeons, St. Bernards and all types of last second requests from you guys??

We've BOTH been lenient with the requests these first few weeks. That stops now. Hope it's out of your system, cuz we're done. Put in a request 1 minute past 6pm EST, and it's getting denied. 99% of you know full well that your players will not be there on Saturday, and you just refuse to make arrangements in due time. Welp - not our job to help you win. It's YOUR JOB to help you win. I'm not saying this to be a jerk - rules are in place for a reason. I know I personally am not trying to scramble through a ton of last second requests on a Friday night - heaven forbid I don't want to be attached to my phone or laptop at the start of the weekend. So no - don't ask for special permission. You are unlikely to get it. No matter if I have no idea who you are or if you're one of my favorite people. Get that request in by the deadline of Thursday at 6pm. 

Oh - and this "we're just gonna have this guy we know sub" stuff y'all are progressively starting to try? Yeah - enough of you have read NO from us to hopefully get that isn't about to be a "thing". Need a male player? We put more than enough guys on the USL for you to call up. You're not getting that really good kid in R3 that you know about and no one else does yet. Make your roster big enough or use the players you have. Bullet Club didn't make any excuses this session when they were short, and they WON. Be like Bullet Club. 

(Dear Crytown Crew - Topper and I have said "yes" more than "no" up to this point. Trust me - we don't want to hear we're being too hardline on this. This is the first time we're drawing a line in sand.)


Ooo, PLEASE don't try to pull a fast one on rosters. PLEASE don't. This week was the deadline to finalize your roster, so unless there's a really good reason - your roster is your roster. Let me or Topper catch you or you get snitched on - I'll do The Neutron Dance as I mark your game as a forfeit for using someone not on your roster. Try me. 


I know some of you would like the rules to go how you think they should. I know some of you think because you watch 30+ hours of NFL and college football you know how things go. But this is a coed touch football league, with rules constructed for exactly that. Furthermore, the rules were worked on by Lenny meticulously, and I uphold and honor those rules pretty seriously. Long story short - I know our rules pretty damned well. Our refs know our rules pretty damned well. You know who doesn't know our rules pretty damned well? The guys crying about a call they want to go their way making the most noise and holding up the game. 

We are not changing the rules in the middle of the session. Slick wording of how you think the play should go will not alter the outcomes. Bad mouthing the refs is not going to make the rules change. Moaning after you've had rules explained to you isn't be effective AT ALL. 

It is extremely rare that you catch the regular refs or myself not knowing something. Don't play yourselves. Play your games, don't try to play us - you'll lose. Badly. 

The Bar

RESPECT THE COT-DAMNED BAR. Look - I hear you guys on criticisms. And Topper and I attempt to address them, whether you realize it or not. But look - you guys are adults. I'd like to nip this in the bud NOW. 

I give you guys all the credit in the world for being responsible and getting rides home from friends, Uber, and Lyft. That's the way to do it, so kudos on you guys for consistently doing it. But sloppy drunk is not the way to go. Yelling or screaming like we're at a college bar is not the way to go. Breaking ANYTHING is inexcusable. Making a spectacle of yourselves late into the night inside of the bar - not tolerated. 

I had a long talk with our hosts this week. I gave them my concerns, they gave me theirs. Plainly put - don't make them give me your names. If they give me your name as a person they've red flagged, they're going to ban you from coming in the bar and they won't serve you. That's not my decision or Topper's. That's what they told me they'll do. They don't want to do that, and they don't PLAN to do that. But there are two instances that they could've done it already this session. That's 2 too many. 

Y'know - they have other sports there now, and other teams. We're consistently the rowdiest. That's not to say we're rowdy all the time, or even most of the time. It's to say they don't have a history of "incidents" with their other sports patrons. I want us to have fun, and want us to all enjoy Saturday. We can do it without acting like amateur teens. and it's not most of you - it's honestly 5% per session. But that 5% can get the rest of us looking bad, and I don't want that. At all.

AND PLEASE DON'T BE STUPID ENOUGH TO BRING YOUR OWN LIQUOR AND GET HAMMERED. Some of you are the most non-slick-trying-to-be-slick mofos I've ever encountered in my lifetime. THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE. THEY SEE YOU. Every session, they name which people have done it, and if you know me - you KNOW it's not me snitching. I don't even confirm it -  I just know when they've nailed you guys, and they nail you guys often. I hear your complaints on prices, specials, etc. - let us work on that. But you're at a bar. You don't HAVE to get sloppy drunk. If Deanna and Nikki haven't been serving you and you've been nowhere near the bar - do you really think they can't figure out that you being more hammered than anyone even though you've been nowhere in eyesight might come from you drinking your own stuff on the low? Come on, people. Help us out here. 

Use common sense, and act right. So many of you do this. If you see any of the 5% acting up or going down the wrong path, check them. Please. Because if the bar starts dropping the hammer, it doesn't matter how many side complaints you bring up - it won't change the fact that they're going to change their behavior with us. I don't want that. At all. I ENJOY you guys having fun. 

And clean up your trash. Really. Thank you to Coach Jay, Travis, Joe K, Mark Buscaglia, a ton of the ladies, and too many of you to name who have stuck around to clean up other people's trash. We've done this league for a decade. Never has it been as messy as it is this session. If you bring water, tape, drinks, food, etc. to the field - just clean up your own mess. There are garbage cans placed around the fields. Use them. This past Saturday, when I looked out at the fields at the end of the day, it looked crazy how much trash was left there. It didn't used to be that way. Stop being NASTY. Clean up after yourselves. Yes, the bar will clean up some of our stuff if need be. But you guys are supposed to be adults - let's not make it like we're just trashing the place. Those are OUR fields, after all. 

That's it for points of contention. Let's clean this up. Let's do things the right way. We've done it before, so it's not like I'm asking to reassemble the Infinity Stones. Being the best league doesn't just mean having the best talent - it also means having the best people overall who do the right things. 

Now - if people get in their feelings after reading this, go listen to some mellow Drake songs or watch Sex In The City while eating a tub of Edy's choco-fudge. I. Don't. Care. In fact - please believe I went softball on this. Not this time, but next time - I'mma name names. Don't make me do it to you, please. Because I'll OVER-do it. 

Let me end this a tinge more positively:

- I'm glad Zach Newberry is okay. Be careful driving out there, people - it's crazy season. Thank goodness he wasn't seriously hurt by the woman who ran the light and slammed into him. 

- I miss Lauren Kelly, Kristin Daniels and Shari. And Dorene!!!

- I somehow missed Seth Molinsari being here this past Saturday. Kicking myself - that dude is awesome. Would've loved to hug him - he's an overall GREAT guy. 

- Meg Scheeler's son is sooooooo beautiful. No - honestly. Cute baby, for real for real. 

- A few people have asked me to rank the refs weekly. I'm not going to do that for what I think are obvious reasons, but you know what I MIGHT do? A top ten favorites list and a top ten sh** list every week. See who moves up and down both of 'em and why. 

- I think it's really awesome all the teams who are honoring and remembering Lenny in their own different ways. Whether it be on their jerseys, happy references, etc. - you guys make me proud. And I love seeing anyone wearing the Lenny hat at the fields. 

- Please join Telegram. Like...yesterday. https://telegram.me/toppersports

- Just throwing it out there - I'm free to sub for any teams that need a guy this week. Yes, I'm on the USL (duh). 

- I'm almost to the point of paying Cory Turner to play some music. Y'all music is trash. Straight basura


- Matty Ice wanted me to note his prolific scoring this week - but then I noticed Matty isn't even on this week's schedule. How you gon' ask me to big you up, but then the people can't come watch to see what the fuss is about? Man - I'll big you up when you're on the schedule, Matty! but for the record - Matty IS that dude. 


- Val Bernal gets the "Style Icon" award for her ensemble this past week. The lady can dress - and accessorize! 

- The "Who Dat Is??" awards go to Dashauna (spelling?) of CobblestoneShelly of A&A, Heather of Morning Wood and Karla of GBLS. Although apparently I'm just blind, as I was informed Heather has been around forever and I've literally never seen her.

- Ricky's back! And he's got back-to-back games this week as QB for Tight Ends In Motion! Let's see what he has in the tank. 

- Gordon's Theory has YET to fail. Don't ask ME what it is - I don't snitch.

- I heard there were a few instances of chippiness last week. Guess who's a 5 ft. 8, caramel Panamanian who will be on the look out for that crap this week? This guy

- If you correctly name the first person or team who will get all the way in their feelings and whine about this article to Topper/people/me Saturday - I will buy you a drink of your choice. You must offer your prediction to me via the Telegram app to qualify, and your prediction must come before midnight Friday night/Saturday morning. 

See y'all Saturday. Holla at me - I'll be in the cut. 



- Rameer AKA "The Build"

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