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The Rant: Week 6


First, let's get to the elephant on the field - yes, we had an "incident" at the fields with a player and a ref. No, regardless of what the Topper Sports TMZ Crew will tell you, it wasn't as crazy or over-the-top as you might think it was. Our ref addressed it, the game went on, and the league will handle it accordingly. Dassit. 'Nuff said. Let's move along to more important things.

I've got 3 things I need to address with you - PLEASE pay attention and respect these things:

1. DO NOT park on the street near field 5. Look, plain and blunt - those people in those houses don't like us, or our league. There's a history of them causing problems for us. Now some of you like to live in Make-Believe Land and talk about how it "should" be and "freedom of where to park" - I'm concerned with the well-being of the league. If they caused a problem that got us removed cuz you wanted to be a jerk and prove a point, guess who loses? EVERYONE in our league. We have ample parking ,and none of you should be so lazy that you can't walk. You're literally there to play football and be active. Park in the lot with everyone else. Period. If you can't respect that, then we will have no issue if you decide to play elsewhere. 

2. DO NOT get into it with the bar or it's employees. Look, we've had a back and forth relationship with the bar over the years, I get it. And when the bar is wrong, believe me - I let them know they're wrong. But do not yell at the employees, do not degrade them, do not call them names, and do not bring drinks that they don't serve to the fields and drink them in front of the bar! Some of you are awfully stupid at times to be full-grown adults. You'll probably think that's harsh, and I'll probably agree. It was meant to be. There's an intense lack of common sense going on with some of y'all at times, and nicely talking to you hasn't worked. So let me lay it out once again for you - if the bar decides you're not allowed there, there's nothing Topper or I can do. Nothing. Why risk that? You do realize the bar can ban you from the property? And they just haven't because they like our league overall and respect Topper? People - I don't bother or ride you guys about this stuff. When i say something, it means some of you have effed up. Knock it off. Please. 

3. Respect the refs. Some of you act like Topper or I don't get calls against us. WE DO. We just don't throw tantrums. We disagree, express our opinion, and move on. Sometimes, we even talk about which ref made a horrible call, just like the rest of you. But listen - if a ref recommends you to be suspended for a game, that recommendation is currently holding A LOT of weight. A LOT. Don't risk missing a week cuz you think you're the TSL
Antonio Brown. Where's he at - home? You can be too. 

That's pretty much it. But I DO have a message specifically to the ladies of the league...some of you are very slick about how you maneuver in our games when it comes to checking your fellow ladies. While a jersey tug here or a bump there is just regular football - some of y'all are mugging women. Enough. Going forward, I'm going to say something during your game if I see it. It could be just telling the ref to flag your a$$, or it could go as far as me literally walking in the middle of your play, stopping the game, and kicking you out. This is a rec league, and while I understand it's football and there's some physical interactions that occur - I'm seeing ladies pick themselves off the ground far too many times lately. And not "delicate" women either - women who are pretty solidly built. We've all got jobs and careers. Knock that ish the f**k off, cuz it ain't the men doing this bullsh** - it's y'all. 

 This hasn't been too fun of an article, has it? Yeah, hasn't been fun for me to write it, either. So I'd like to lighten it up and shout out all of you have been failing to name my 2 favorite people. Some good tries,though - but no one has nailed both the man and woman who are my favorites. Maybe you got one right and not the other, maybe you got none right - I won't tell. And you only get one try. Get it right - drinks all day non-stop on me. But I know NONE of you could possibly get both right. Nope - no hints are telling if you're on the right track.

So...last week, I had to call out Blase for bumping his gums and not being able to produce after all that yang he dropped. But this week - we have a much more egregious transgression. A mark against league history if ever there was one to be noted! Let the record show, that in an unsolicited rambling, one Scotty 2 Hotty decided to let the universe know that there was a woman in this league that he thought was "swell". Let the record also reflect that S2H kept this going to the extent of revealing in an article that it was he who had the "crush" on a woman I will refer to as The Little Redheaded Girl (Charlie Brown reference for you kiddies). Then, after all this hoopla and hype, LRG shows up with her team, balls out (she's a very good player, for the record) and S2H, who is not only there but literally playing on the field RIGHT NEXT TO HER AT THE SAME TIME, says nothing to her before the game, during halftime, or after the game when LRG and her teammates hung out for a little bit. 

I'm from the Kobe Bryant school of courtship. This means...if presented an opportunity, I believe YOU TAKE THE SHOT. 

If you miss, at least you TOOK THE SHOT. No one can say you cowered from the moment. But no shot was taken, not even a free throw. What was the end game? To put this all on blast, draw attention, and then recede like George Jefferson's hairline at the first opportunity? I mean - hitting her DMs probably would've been the better move. She's a really cool woman, but naturally quiet and reserved. She didn't want the attention, and as such - after this article, the only time I'll refer to her directly in the future is to talk about how sweet she is on the field (I talk all the time about the Peters Twins, but LRG is pretty dope as well. #respect). 

I don't run the podcast - but S2H? YOu are this week's LVP (Least Valuable Player). Normally, you're my dude. But you get the gas face for abject lame-ry and wanton bullsh**ting in the face of opportunity. The moment is gone. There is no recovery. The league shakes it's collective head in disgust, and awards you no points. 

Boo this man. 

You know who is GOOD? Caitlyn for Buffalo Solar Solutions. She's an under-the-radar star. Game recognize game, and you lookin' REAL FAMILIAR, Caitlyn...

And shout out to BSS for winning their doubleheader this week. They deserve recognition - they not only won 2 games, but one was against the juggernaut known as Matty's Angels! Lie and say you saw that upset coming. Go 'head. 

Oh, I want to send a huge eff you to anyone who wants to cry about the divisions this season. First off, go eff yourself if you're on any team that has ever whined about moving up a division. Secondly, I know how hard Topper and I work at keeping things even; y'all don't want to give us credit for the tighter divisions but want us to take the blame for D4 & D5 being top heavy. Yeah, eff you. We don't know who is going to have attendance issues, who is going to have players regress or improve, etc. We look at a lot of things and try to put the best stuff out there. And often times, we have to revise the divisions because a lot of you are scared to compete and take your lumps. And if you want me to name your team as one of those teams, please come complain to me at the fields. I'll happily remind you if you're team is one of the teams that cried about alignment. Here's a hint - it likely was...

Next season, D1 will have at least 8 teams. Ideally, I'd like most divisions to have 8 teams. This means that some teams will lose. In the old days, we'd take a season of losing to learn how to be better, come back the next season, and be a much improved team. Most of y'all don't want to do that. I know - I've already ranted about this earlier in the season. I'm ranting about it again, since some y'all chose to whine about it again. Step up and stop being feather-soft. 

Make sure you check out Tito's With Travis on our Facebook page every week. Well over 300 of you caught the premiere episode (uh, I'm not joking - I can see the analytics on the page for the posts). Hopefully, Travis will do it week in and week out - if he can actually stop being socially awkward and go grab his guest(s). Shout out to Katie Keller for doing his dirty work for the next episode - and shout out to the ladies of Vaspian for being such good sports. 

I find it really funny when people ask me how you get better players for their team to improve, while 5 feet over someone is literally poaching players from another team for next season. POACH. This is a poacher's league, and it's a poacher's market. always has been. Almost no team exists that hasn't poached SOMEONE from another squad. 

My personal all-poach fantasy TSL team (current players only)?

QB - Chris Cole
WR/DB - Paul Johnson
WR/DB - Pete Nguyen
WR/DB - Andy Smith
WR/DB - Margo Jablonski
WR/DB - Kat Peters
WR/DB - Jon McGrath
WR/DB - Jeremy Burr
WR/DB - Travis Cleavanger
WR/DB - Emily Peters
WR/DB - Katie Swanson
Emergency QB - B

Why this lineup, you ask? Well, first off - I didn't choose anyone currently on my team's roster cuz it's a POACHER roster - meaning I'd steal all of these players to form a new team. All of the guys I shouldn't have to explain except for B - why B? Cuz no top QB would be a backup, so I had to get a guy who isn't currently one of the top QBs but who could come in and sling if needed. That's B - he's won championships. I know a lot of you haven't seen him throw, but I'll take him as an emergency QB if Cole had to miss a game during the regular season. As for the ladies - Margo I shouldn't have to explain, I could never break up the Peters twins (and wouldn't want to), and I'll sing the praises of Katie Swanson all day every day if you give me a chance. 

Shout out to my many Jeremy Burr - you'll be back in no time, my friend. Much love to you, Amie and Baby Burr!

Shout out to Cory Turner for having rhythm and knowing how to actually line dance. Hold classes, Cory - hold classes. 

Shout out to Lindsay Stoddard for being a sweetheart. 

Topper will be back this Saturday. I'm hoping he'll also have DJ Jimmy here, as I missed him sorely this week. Although the music you guys played actually wasn't TOO bad for a change. 

If you had to start a team around a Kleckler, which one  would you build around? I'm going with Bro. They're both obviously good, but Bro - Bro has been playing lights out of late...

That's enough from me for this week. Holla at me - I'll be in the cut. 



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