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- Written by Super User
- Category: The Godfather's Picks
- Published: 20 September 2019
- Created: 20 September 2019
- Hits: 14452
Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I regret to inform you that on this Saturday, September 19th in the Year of Our Lord 2019, we will officially be at the halfway point of the Fall Season.
I know, I know, it’s just awful for us to have to think about a world where our TSL fun is now getting closer to its winter hibernation, but the road to Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is truly taking some interesting turns! The weather might be getting a bit colder, but the race is heating up! We finally have a bit of an idea (or so we think anyway) on how our divisions are going to shake out. Contenders have emerged across all of our divisions, and while the dust is far from settled, Its time for me to guess at how its all going to end!
D1:
Odds to Win Championship:
Eyes Downtown 3-1
Marketing Mayors 3-1
Public Enemy 5-1
Tight Ends In Motion 15-1
Gryffindor 50-1
Last Week’s Games:
Public Enemy 35, Marketing Mayors 14
Eyes Downtown 34, Public Enemy 27
Tight Ends In Motion 40, Gryffindor 15
The division is shaping up as a two horse race here, with Eyes Downtown sitting atop the division by half a game over the defending champions, Marketing Mayors. Bobby has his team focused more than ever, and while I once feared there may be some unrest in the huddle early on, that thought has been extinguished. In fact, love is the answer for this team right now as Joey Ruderman made Jeff Farr the luckiest man in (at the very least) Eyes Downtown history by saying “yes”. (Congrats on the engagement guys!). Marketing Mayors definitely didn’t play their best game against Public Enemy last weekend, but they’ve had PE’s number a bit more often than not it seems, and they’re the defending champs, which causes me to give them better odds at winning. Think Public Enemy has a chip on their shoulder? PE went from a 100 game winning streak or whatever it was to becoming the “other team” in D1. Does that perception change if they don’t lose at the buzzer to Eyes Downtown? Perhaps. But for right now, PE feels a bit off overall and it’ll be interesting to see how their second half of the season shapes up. They can very easily win this championship, by the way, and those 5-1 odds are most likely never going to be higher the rest of the season. Assuming, of course, that Diana Bernard lets Boccio ever play football again. Tight Ends In Motion has made strides since moving up to the big show but while they’ve come close to some big wins in the division, they haven’t been able to really get over the D1 hump. They play the “Big 3” very closely and they really seem to have Gryffindor’s number (outscoring them 75-15 in two games). They’re VERY close to breaking out and becoming players in the division. As for Gryffindor, other than just being unable to come close to beating Tight Ends (perhaps playing them late in the day is the issue?) they’re still much better than a 1-6 record indicates. No, they most likely will not win D1. But could they pull an upset off in the playoffs? Perhaps. They have the talent and the knowledge, they just need to put together one or two extra plays that go their way. It’ll be fun to see if they can do that.
Prediction: Eyes Downtown takes the championship, causing everyone else to train really hard in the offseason to defeat them in the Spring.
This Week’s Games:
Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) – The PE vs TEIM small rivalry that was brewing feels all but dead as of late, but it can very easily be sparked right up with a TEIM win here. I know I said Tight Ends is close to a big win, but I don’t think this one is it. PE was very close to sweeping the Mayors and Eyes Downtown last week, and even with another big matchup with MM looming, I can’t see them getting caught overlooking this one. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 6
Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+10) – The line would’ve been the same for both TEIM games had this game not been immediately after the first one. Having to play the Mayors when you’re fresh is one thing, having to play them right after a game when they’re not tired is another. MARKETING MAYORS BY 10
Eyes Downtown vs Gryffindor (+8) – Gryffindor lost to ED 48-45 only two weeks ago and you can bet your first born child that Joey Batts and Jeremy Burr want nothing more than to get that first D1 win (their only win was in a D2 crossover game) against Bobby and Co. The best path to getting that to happen is to find a way to get Jill and Amanda (Gryffindor’s females are way too underrated, for the record) going and playing smart. Is this the time for the win? Sources say yes. GRYFFINDOR BY 2
Public Enemy vs Marketing Mayors (EVEN) – A true pick’em if there ever was one, these two teams have played in some excellent games against each other recently, and you’d have to assume the Mayors want to get that win back from last week. MARKETING MAYORS BY 1
D2:
Odds to Win Championship:
Peachy Platoon 3-1
A&A 4-1
HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 6-1
Dilfs 8-1
Slytherin That End Zone 8-1
Bullet Club 15-1
Energy Buff 50-1
We Back 1000000000000-1
Last Week’s Games:
HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 36, Slytherin That End Zone 18
A&A 42, Bullet Club 30
Peachy Platoon 29, Energy Buff 6
A&A 41, Slytherin That End Zone 29
Peachy Platoon 62, We Back 6
Dilf’s 47, We Back 12
Peachy has shown up, and they’re just winning football games. Now, before the A&A fans come at me, there’s a few reasons that Peachy has better odds here. First, they didn’t ACTUALLY lose to A&A. It isn’t their fault that the only two people of the 107 that were watching that game that thought it was a catch were the refs. Second, A&A is suffering a bit from the injury bug, and who knows just how hard that will bite them along the way. I get it. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO has only allowed 40 points so far this season but they’ve also played the easiest possible schedule anyone in D2 could’ve played at this point. Wins over We Back, Energy Buff, and “Bullet Club with Joe K having to be QB” aren’t that impressive, and just last week they were losing to Slytherin before coming on strong in the second half. We still don’t really know just how good this team is, (mind you they ARE good) and their road to the playoffs will show us where they should be truly ranked. The Dilfs are the team that feels like they’re just on the outside looking in to the championship party. The D2 dark horse, they’ve used their great tag team of talent and their combined 750 years of experience to compete in every single game they’ve played. Granted, they’ve only defeated We Back and Energy Buff so far, but close losses to Gryiffindor, Slytherin, and Peachy are indicative that they’re a force to be reckoned with. Slytherin can pretty much sum up their first half of the season with one word: inconsistent. They tend to have one good half and one not so good half. They had comeback wins against Bullet Club and the Dilfs, and they blew a lead against Team Topper last week. They lost to A&A and Peachy by 12 and 13 points respectively. They’re competing very nicely (after preseason worries about moving up) but they need a little something extra to get over that hump. Newman deserves a lot of credit for the season he’s been having so far. It’s really great to see him back to it after his injury issues. Bullet Club exists. I don’t think any team has ever had more issues getting their players to games quite like they have over the years. Let’s try to be positive Joe K’s crew though. The Club’s 1-5 record still looks worse than it could be. They’ve had the hardest schedule so far. They were the lucky team that drew Eyes Downtown in the crossover game, and they got blitzed by Peachy in Week 1 when nobody was truly ready for them. Their defense played well against Team Topper but they didn’t have a QB that game and it cost them. They blew a 10 point lead against Slytherin, and they played A&A close last week before allowing a late TD that ended the game instead of giving them a chance to win. It could be better, but it isn’t. And it’s hard to get any semblance of team chemistry when you have a different lineup each week. Energy Buff can tell you all about that one. The Buff has yet to really have their entire team show up either. I’m not sure where Tommy is, but he needs to QB this team ASAP. This is another team that has shown up with different rosters just about every week, and the players that are usually missing are good ones. They lost one score games to A&A and the Dilfs, and got blown out by Marketing Mayors, Team Topper, and Peachy. I’m not entirely sure what this team is exactly, and at this point I don’t think they do either. They have 4 games left to turn things around with some winnable games against We Back, Bullet Club, and Slytherin. We Back is, unfortunately, going through some stuff right now. Consistently having to pick up players off the USL, having people not show up, and injuries have really turned this team from slightly comical to a downright tragedy. Props to the players that have been showing up each week, only to be left out to dry every time. Things aren’t going to get better anytime soon it seems, but hopefully by the Spring they can get a roster together and give this the proper “go” in D4.
Prediction: Uncle Topper refuses to give the people what they want, and defeats A&A in the playoffs to prevent Peachy – A&A Part Deux. Peachy goes on to take D2.
This Week’s Games:
Dilfs vs Bullet Club (+7) – If Bullet Club is going to salvage this season at all, this is the place to start. If the Dilfs want to keep their dark horse status, this is a game they have to win. There is a fun little narrative with Travis’ first game against BC after leaving them as well. I’d like to think that there’s a bit of revenge on the Club’s mind. Not sure if that matters here. DILFS BY 3
Energy Buff vs We Back (+15) - Energy Buff gets their crack at We Back this weekend, in a battle of two 0-5 teams. Buff should finally get that elusive first win. ENERGY BUFF BY 13
D3:
Odds To Win Championship:
All We Do Is Quinn 2-1
Sticky Bandits 4-1
Frodo Swaggins 5-1
Jabronies 8-1
No Punt Intended 8-1
The Field 20-1
Last Week’s Games:
Vaspian 25, End Game 13
Jabronies 27, No Punt Intended 25
Frodo Swaggins 34, No Punt Intended 29
Ultimate Warriors 46, Sticky Bandits 30
3rd and Schlong 41, Frodo Swaggins 22
All We Do Is Quinn remains the class of the division, as they’ve scored a lot of points and after 6 games find themselves with a 5-1 record. Their only blemish is an extremely lucky Hail Mary score at the end of the game against Sticky Bandits. Even if Quinn won’t say it, we know they’re not thrilled that league management moved Peachy Platoon up to D2 instead of them, and the rest of D3 gets to feel that wrath. Interestingly enough, Quinn still has a difficult-ish D3 schedule ahead of them with games against Frodo, Vaspian, and No Punt Intended looming. Sticky Nation is a good place to be this season. After an off year for them in the Spring, the Bandits look just how they’re supposed to each season. A surprise loss last week to Ultimate Warriors notwithstanding, Sticky does have a win over Quinn that while many believe they “stole” at the end (they did) lets remind everyone that Sticky led for a lot of that game as well. Mike Thomas, Rags, Alex, it doesn’t matter who throws for Sticky as all of the QBs I just listed have been a part of this franchise for what feels like centuries at this point. They have talented guys and even better girls for just the perfect mixture to walk away with this one. Frodo Swaggins is one of my favorite teams, and a lot of it is just the pissing contest between Scotty Dro and Garrett Beesing. While those guys go back and forth on who’s the greatest, people forget that they possess some good female players in Emily Schilling, Kristen Daniels (until her knees give out again), and Sarah Hunt (whenever she actually shows up). Frodo isn’t exactly “underrated” anymore, as the rest of the division (and the league) is well aware of them now, but this is a team that THRIVES in the spotlight. The problem for them seems to be in the games that may not matter as much, and Frodo may just be a team that plays down to their competition. That may have even been evident last week, as Frodo beat No Punt Intended but proceeded to lose to 3rd and Schlong, who hadn’t won a game in quite some time. Jabronies find themselves in the middle of the division, right about where they should be. This team has the talent to compete with the teams above them, but mostly their fortunes rest on the arm of Joe Miano. No Punt Intended loaded up in the offseason, getting the best parts of GLBS to come play with them. They got rid of their awful camo jerseys for some hip new green ones. And one thing is for certain: They can play some defense. Scoring is slightly an issue right now, but as I’ve said before about them: If they can figure out how to score a little bit more, look out. They have the right pieces, now its just about getting them into place. They still have two “prove it” games with Sticky and Quinn remaining this season, and those two games become “must watch”. Vaspian is quickly acclimating themselves to the league, as Drew Colosimo’s new team find themselves sitting at 2-2 and looking like they belong. The fit the mold of the league’s youth movement (Peachy, Quinn, etc. Basically, young and fast) and instead of starting in a much lower division they jumped right into the fire. They have the biggest game in franchise history this weekend with a game against Quinn, which will really be a measuring stick for the new team. End Game has had an up and down season so far, but QB Dave and Brandon Farr are determined to get things going in the right direction. Speaking of going in the right direction, the Ultimate Warriors sure are. The Warriors picked up a big win over Sticky and they’re really starting to click as they build team chemistry. Scott Pinto really solidified their QB situation, and the various Lattucas on the team are there to provide cool heads (maybe) and direction. Look out for this D3 dark horse along the way. 3rd and Schlong got a win! That’s important because I was starting to get worried about them. I’ve said it about 100 times now, its better when the Keller Crew is winning. As of now they find themselves outside of the playoff race (only the Top 8 get in), but they’ve played the hardest D3 schedule to date (Quinn, Frodo, Sticky, Vaspian, and NPI) so with things getting easier as the season goes on, look for them to make a late run. Puckett All-Stars are sitting at 0-4 and really need a win or two FAST. It’s not as though they’re a bad team, they just need a little bit more of an “it” factor to really bring home some wins. Right now, it seems like they’re on their way to be watching the D3 playoffs on the couch.
Prediction: Quinn gets caught looking ahead to D2 in the Spring and blows another should be championship, this time to Frodo Swaggins in the semi-finals. Frodo then loses to Sticky Bandits who win the title, but it won’t be Scotty’s fault.
This Week’s Games:
No Punt Intended vs End Game (+6) – This is a game both teams really need. NPI dropped both parts of their doubleheader last weekend and End Game found themselves on the losing end against the upstarts from Vaspian. In this scenario, I think talent wins out. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 8
Ultimate Warriors vs 3rd and Schlong (+3) – Both teams walked away from last week with some much needed wins to get the proverbial monkeys off their backs. This isn’t exactly a “Loser Leaves Town” match just yet, but this game could mean EVERYTHING for the tiebreakers when it comes to making the playoffs or not. 3RD AND SCHLONG BY 4
Sticky Bandits vs Jabronies (+6) – This is must watch football this week. These two teams know each other very well, and from what I’ve heard from Jeff Krol on the podcast this week they’re going through with the bet Andrew asked me about a week ago. I’m still all for the jerseys. $10 a piece is worth it. I wonder what color Sticky will pick for the Jabronies? STICKY BANDITS BY 10
No Punt Intended vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – If NPI needed the End Game contest to make it look like they belong in the championship picture, they extra need this one. They can’t afford to lose this one to Puckett, who seems stuck in 10th place this year. Puckett can’t afford to make a late charge like they did last season, so if they’re going to make a run this year, it starts now. Sadly for them, NO PUNT INTENDED BY 3
All We Do Is Quinn vs Vaspian (+7) – Being a new team in your 5th game and only being a 7 point underdog to a juggernaut like the Quinners is really indicative of how I feel about Vaspian. More than a few of my associates jumped at the chance to tell me these guys really stand out, and they’re athletic as hell. They pretty much sound like an early version of, well, All We Do Is Quinn. Big measuring stick game for Vaspian here. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13
Frodo Swaggins vs Jabronies (EVEN) – As much as I’d like to favor Frodo right now, I don’t know if its possible. They’re just so up and down as of late. This is a great matchup between two of the league’s best newer QBs, and even though Garrett has angrily emailed me about the issues he seems to have with his hands as of late, who would know better than his own QB? I think this game has Game of the Day potential. JABRONIES BY 4
Sticky Bandits vs Puckett All-Stars (+14) – I see no reason to continue to comment on these teams here. Sticky good, Puckett not so good. STICKY BANDITS BY 11
D4:
Odds to Win the Championship:
Matty’s Angels 2-1
Cunning Stunts 3-2
Buffalo Solar Solutions 15-1
Mountain Dew Me 20-1
Full Throttle 20-1
Uncle Rico’s 50-1
Last Week’s Games:
Buffalo Solar Solutions 41, Uncle Rico’s 34
Matty’s Angels 44, Mountain Dew Me 18
There isn’t that much to say. As much as I want to find a team to pull the upset for either dominant gender team, it just isn’t going to happen unless Matty gets heat stroke again. In late October. The Angels and the Stunts are on their way to another championship battle before both of them get knocked up (see what I did there?) to D3 in the Spring. Full Throttle currently stands in the “best non gender team in D4” role, but the rest of the season can see the standings go haywire. Luke’s team however has been improving ever so slightly each season, and while it may not be as rapid as the team would like, it should be clearly stated for the public that they’re a much better team than they used to be. Buffalo Solar is the veteran team of the division, and they really can hold their own for the most part against any of these teams. Honestly, if there was one team that could upset a gender team, its going to be them. Mountain Dew Me is another fantastic new team with youth and speed, and once they get on the right track they’re going to going to be a force in the TSL. Allegedly they were keeping the game with the Angels very close until the second half, when some rookie mistakes turned into gender points. If you can’t get a girl TD consistently against the Stunts or the Angels, you’re going to lose. Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers appear to be on the right track to figuring out what the hell went wrong in the first part of their season. While I can’t envision them making the finals of this division, I could see them beating any of the non-gender teams in the first round of the playoffs.
Prediction: Matty’s Angels plays Cunning Stunts. Stunts win again to end the Fall 2019 Season.
This Week’s Games:
Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Mountain Dew Me (+6) – BSS gives the points to the new guys, simply because they’re the veteran team. But MDM can play, and they’re FAST, according to multiple reports. MDM is looking for a signature win, and if they catch Buffalo Solar sleeping, this could be it. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 1
Full Throttle vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+3) – Like I said above, Full Throttle is playing better than you think football, and while Uncle Rico’s is trending upwards, for this game, it’ll just mean that they don’t get blown out. FULL THROTTLE BY 3
Matty’s Angels vs Buffalo Solar Solutions (+8) – Buffalo Solar needs to bring their A game defensively if they have any chance at defeating the Angels. The problem is that they allow 40 points a game already, so the Angels might score 60 here. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 15
Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels (+1) – The Stunts are the champions, so they give the point. This game is about as even as you can get. Two dominant gender squads are going to go head to head to see who are the queens (this easily applies to Matty Ice and Joey Batts as well) of the division. The Angels are looking for a modicum of revenge from losing the title game to the Stunts. The Stunts, even with the title win, HAVE to still have the chip on their shoulder since the league still just assumes Matty’s Angels are the better team. Picking this game is foolish, but I’m going to go with THE GAME ENDS IN A 44-44 TIE.
D5:
Odds to Win the Championship:
Over Compensators 3-1
En Fuego 4-1
Practice Squad 12-1
The Field 40-1
Pink Pteratacos 1000-1
Last Week’s Games:
Practice Squad 49, Hope N Ruin 46
Come From Behind 30, Hung Buffalo 22
Over Compensators 50, Come From Behind 24
Over Compensators 58, En Fuego 28
Well, the much hyped battle between The OC and En Fuego turned out to be a bust of a game. En Fuego was thoroughly embarrassed by the Over Compensators in a crazy blowout. As a result, the OC are the clear cut favorites to take home the D5 title. They’ve been the hottest team in the league (non gender) since the middle of last season, and Larry Chrusical (spelled wrong, I’m sure) is in consideration for QB of the year. I’m sure there’s other awesome players on the team who I don’t know the names of, but congrats to the OC. Blasé LaDuca, however, is NOT in consideration for QB of the year after his dismal game where his play could not cash the checks that his mouth was writing. But fear not young Blasé! En Fuego is still a fantastic team who still wears jorts. That’s a big deal, obviously. Blasé, Frank, Keita, Jessie, and the rest of the team aren’t going to just accept this defeat. They’re going to use that loss to fuel them for the rest of the season with the goal of getting the rematch with the OC in the title game. Practice Squad continues to show that they belong in D5, as Renee and friends keep winning games and looking better each week. I don’t think they’ll be winning this title this year, but they’re a top contender for it in the spring. The middle pack of D5 is clearly a step below the top 3 teams I just mentioned. There are no shocking surprises when it comes to Hung Buffalo, Hope N Ruin, Cobblestone, and Come From Behind. These four teams are TSL institutions, and they’ve been around since forever. You know what you’re going to get from them each time they step onto the field. If you sleep on them, you can very easily lose the game, but for the most part you’re going to get a hard fought contest. That isn’t meant as a slight at all. Finally, the Pink Pteratacos are just struggling to survive at this point. I don’t know what happened to Mark’s team, but they’re looking just lost at this point. On the positive side, they have some amazing girls on the team in Talia, Marla (Maybe?), and Steph. On the negative side, the last time Mark had a talented girl in D5 that the league found out about, well, nevermind. I miss Shari too, Rameer.
Prediction: We get the Over Compensators vs En Fuego final we’re all hoping for, and while En Fuego brings it this time, they still come up just short to the OC.
This Week’s Games:
Practice Squad vs Cobblestone (+10) – If Cobblestone has League Icon QB Superstar Darryl Carr throwing the ball? PRACTICE SQUAD BY 14. If they have anyone else? PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3.
Hope N Ruin vs Pink Pteratacos (+9) – Hope N Ruin’s struggles this season look more to be internal than anything as there have been multiple reports of infighting. I can’t say whether or not that’s true, but I can say that HNR’s offense isn’t the problem so much as it’s been their defense. The Pteratacos’ problems are all about offensive woes, defensive problems, attendance, etc. It’s a rough year for the PPs. HOPE N RUIN BY 13
Hung Buffalo vs Pink Pteratacos (+15) – Same story for the Pteratacos. The difference here is that Hung Buffalo can play defense much better than HNR, so it’s only going to get harder for them this Saturday. Hung Buffalo should roll in this feel good game. HUNG BUFFALO BY 14
Hung Buffalo vs Cobblestone (+7) – This match up should be a fun one as it feels like these two teams are evenly matched. Sadly, whether or not Darryl shows up still matters. Cobblestone’s growth as a team really does feel stunted by their QB position nowadays, which was NEVER (I REPEAT: NEVER) the case before. HUNG BUFFALO BY 6
D6:
Odds To Win The Championship:
TMA 3-1
The Bi-Polar Express 4-1
pAssless Chaps 6-1
Zack Attack 7-1
Graves Bros 9-1
The Field 20-1
Last Week’s Games:
TMA 32, Blitzkrieg 31
Wild Oak Beard Co 31, Tater Tots 30
pAssless Chaps 32, The Replacements 14
The Bi-Polar Express 16, Graves Bros 16
The Replacements 29, Graves Bros 27
Zack Attack 51, Blitzkrieg 13
The three returning D6 teams from the Spring are at the forefront of this division’s championship race. I really enjoy seeing The Bi-Polar Express coming together this season, as they have been working hard as a team for the last few sessions and its finally paying off. Like most gender teams, they’ll be hard to beat now that they’re figuring out how to score. The biggest issues for them lie in the schedule, as the only team that has their own odds above that they’ve played has been Graves Bros, whom they tied 16-16 with. I gave TMA the best odds for this championship simply because when TMA meets BPX, Gordon loses 4 stud girls in Steph Czaja, Diana Bernal, Valerie Testa, and Drunk Meg. TMA will always have an advantage over BPX for that reason alone. However, as BPX has added some more stud females (Cat Peters anyone?), it softens the blow for these games. TMA has said for a while now that they needed a QB, and they found one, finally. They’re really playing to the level we’ve all come to know and expect from them, and the D6 title runs through them. pAssless Chaps, mind you, actually made the title game last season. Coach Jay has them focused and doing the right things, although their problems mostly come from execution more than anything right now. Zack Attack has a great name, and a great offense as they’ve slapped around most of the other new teams in the division so far this season. The Attack has yet to face off against TMA, the Chaps, BPX, or Graves Bros though, so while they currently sit atop the division, they have a hard road the rest of the way. Speaking of Graves Bros, they HAVE played some of the better teams in the division (although TMA didn’t have the new QB Week 1), and they sit at 2-2-1 right now. The Tater Tots sit at 1-2 on the field, but the word going around is that they’ve been winning at the bar each and every week. Drunk Meg’s Boyfriend’s Team appear to be a fun bunch that can still compete on the field. They are also in on the Tots vs Fries bet that they BETTER win because Tots are so much better. Blitzkrieg is a team that gets rave reviews, but aren’t getting the results. They lost to TMA by 1 and BPX by 3. Other than the 51-13 loss last week, Blitzkrieg has been in every game they’ve played so far, and with a few more games to get on the same page, they’re a sleeper team in the division. Wild Oak Beard Co is currently sitting at 2-2 after an 0-2 start. Things are trending up for WOBCO as they have now claimed victories over Blitzkrieg and the Tots. They’re a middle of the pack team for now, but just like anyone else in this division, the more that they play together, they better they’ll get. The Replacements are the other team that came from the 5 Star Generals divorce, and while they looked like the lesser half of that split for a minute there, they ended up beating their old mates in what HAD to be a feel good win. Their schedule is a mix of good teams (BPX, Zack Attack), middle teams (Wild Oak) and some not as good teams (Tater Tots, Shattered Dreams) so there’s a lot of room to get some wins and make the playoffs. Our final team here is Shattered Dreams, who are currently 0-3 with losses to the Chaps, Zack Attack, and TMA. That’s a pretty hard schedule for a new team, and while their next game is against BPX, things can only get better from here on out as they get to play some of the “easier” teams down the stretch. A couple of wins can get them into the playoffs.
Prediction: TMA and Zack Attack meet up in the finals, with TMA finally completing their destiny as D6 champions.
This Week’s Games:
Blitzkrieg vs Tater Tots (+3) – If Blitzkrieg was going to start getting on the winning track, this is the time for it. The Tots might secretly be the better team here, as they have had the better defense here as well. BK might be getting the publicity, but the Tots are getting the win. TATER TOTS BY 2
TMA vs pAssless Chaps (+3) – I really hope Coach Jay can play in this game because I want both of these teams to be at full strength. I really want Brent to get a touchdown, and then cap off the season with the nicest person in the league award. TMA allows more points than the Chaps, but they definitely score more as well. TMA continues to roll. TMA BY 13
The Bi-Polar Express vs Shattered Dreams (+16) – Shattered Dreams still struggles to put the ball in the end zone, but like I’ve said so far, they’ve had the hardest schedule in D6. I feel bad giving a new team to the league a 16 point spread but its incredibly hard to keep up with the gender scoring. Some free advice: if a guy is going to score have him step out at the one yard line and bring in all of your girls. (You should have 4 for this game). Try hard for the gender score, perhaps even get a girl to throw to a tall guy. You’ll need the extra points to keep up. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 10
Zack Attack vs The Replacements (+6) – The Replacements are coming off the revenge win against Graves, but its looking like the Attack is another animal. The Attack can score in bunches and sadly, the Replacements tend to allow a good amount of points. ZACK ATTACK BY 15
The Bi-Polar Express vs Zack Attack (EVEN) – Big, big game for both of these teams. BPX will be without Cat Peters (who has been great for them) as she’ll have a Quinn game at the same time. Such is the life of the gender squad. This game is for leadership of the division for the most part, and the Attack, like we said, can definitely score. I’m not entirely sure the girls on BPX will have a way to cover Zack Elphick (the only person on the team I know), which could mean disaster for them. ZACK ATTACK BY 10
Graves Bros vs Wild Oak Beard Co (+2) – WOBCO is trending up, as I said earlier. Graves Bros is a good team for sure, but the loss to The Replacements might have them reeling a little bit. Look for a bit of a surprise here. WILD OAK BEARD CO BY 7
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY
1. Are you wearing sunscreen? Seriously, its going to be 80 degrees again. Use protection so you don’t have all of your faces burned again, you fools.
2. How will Topper not being at the fields affect the shenanigans that could occur? Shenanigans will be kept at a minimum, seriously. If you think for one second that Rameer isn’t going to be prowling every inch of the fields making sure of it, you’ve got another thing coming.
3. What’s the game of the day this week? Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels should be EVERYONE’S PRIORITY this weekend, but if you want a backup pick, I’d go check out Sticky Bandits vs Jabronies.
4. I didn’t ask for mailbag questions, but I got one anyway: “Good Evening Godfather, In your name I pray. I pray for my family and friends to remain in good health. I pray to marry Casey on AWDIQ. Lastly, I pray the downfall of Joey Batts continues. It’s time for him to find a new hobby. With that being said, here’s one for your mailbag this week: Does Joey Batts win one game in D1 all year? – Scotty D.” Thank you for the email Scotty. To answer your question: As much as I want to say yes, it doesn’t seem likely. They only have 2 games remaining this season: This week against Eyes Downtown, and next week against Tight Ends In Motion. ED is the best team in the division currently, and TEIM has defeated Gryffindor 75 – 15 in their two meetings this season. I want Joey to win one, as he’s a fantastic human being and all, but that’s a tough hill to climb.
5. Are you reading all of the other stuff we have to offer? If you’re coming to the website to read my article (which is obviously the best thing on the site), stick around and read the other stuff too!! Rameer’s Rant, The Sentinel and the Power Rankings are awesome! Listen to Joe K and Emily Curry’s TSL podcast! Get involved! This league is so much better when you do!
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:
1. Things I miss from the TSL: #XTC, Indecent Exposure, vandalay industries, Dave Walter.
2. Here’s the “Go to” viewing for your Saturday:
a. 10:00 – Tater Tots vs Blitzkrieg – Field 5
b. 11:00 – TMA vs pAssless Chaps – Field 5
c. 12:00 – Marketing Mayors vs Public Enemy – Field 2
d. 1:00 – Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels – Field 3 (should be moved to Field 1)
e. 2:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs Jabronies – Field 3
f. 3:00 – Cobblestone vs Hung Buffalo – Field 2
3. The more DJ Jimmy shows up and plays music, the more people really enjoy themselves.
4. We really need to start hearing from more of these new teams. The “new stars” I was talking about seem to be on Vaspian and Mountain Dew Me based on what I was told. Looking forward to learning more about them on other articles/emails/podcasts.
5. Remember, if you’re having trouble fielding a team for your game (it happens to everyone at some point), don’t forfeit, and don’t play with 5 people. There’s the Universal Sub List that was created FOR THIS REASON. If there was confusion, using a player from the USL does NOT count as one of your 4 sub allowances for the season, and there’s plenty of good people on that list to fill in for you that are willing.
6. Shout out to Travis Clev for his first “Tito’s with Travis!” Go watch it on our facebook page!
7. We really should’ve had Breakfast Club this fall. Maybe we should do a mini-morning tourney? Drafts are fun. Or perhaps we do a blind draw? That could be something too.
8. The TSL is in dire need of its 4th gender team. We have WAY too many women out there who aren’t playing for one of the three we currently have. They’d be competitive right away.
9. A current point of contention is the “IS THIS LEGAL” play where, at the 1 yard line, a girl puts her feet in the end zone, lays on the ground (passing the dog toy so the other team can’t get to her hands), and the QB places the ball in her hands for a score. Some think it isn’t a touchdown, but I got clarification, and I’ve got some news for you: It counts as a score. Clearly, the rulebook will be altered this offseason to address this new issue, but I’ve got to tell you, some of you need better things to do than to come up with this nonsense. Sheesh. Get a hobby.
10. Word got back to me that after I posted my Week 1 article where I invited the Wanderers to come from Game On! and try their hand here in the TSL, an unnamed person passed along that invitation to the team. We have yet to get a response. Interesting.
Week 5 is here Ladies and Gents! The race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is heating up, and the contenders and the pretenders are getting sorted out a little more each and every week! Which one are you? Have fun and be safe!
