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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I’m sad to report that there are only three weeks remaining in the TSL Fall 2024 regular season. As always, the saddest part of any TSL season is how quickly it seems to pass as we’re in it. But right now, it isn’t time to be sad. No, the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality is nearly upon us. I’ve said many, many times that the most important thing isn’t how you begin a season, it’s how you finish it. How you grow during the season, and how you, as a team, overcome the unique challenges every single season presents you. 

 

The first two weeks of the TSL season tend to show us a picture of how the season is going to go, but more often than not the teams that were good (and the ones that were bad) in the beginning of the season show their true colors from Week 3 and beyond. If we ignore the first two weeks of the season, who has been good? Who has been bad? It’s in the meaty middle of the schedule that we may get an idea of who will be spraying the very, very expensive Jeff Krol Private Stock champagne on October 26th. 

 

STOCK UP (these teams have been some of the best since Week 3 began)

 

-Wet Bandits. No surprises here. They’re 3-0 in this stretch, and have looked every bit the dominant favorite for the D1 title. Good thing there’s not a team out there that can put it all together and beat them for a Fall championship. Oh, wait, hold on a minute.

 

-Eyes Downtown. ED has shaken off whatever was off with them from last season and now find themselves also 3-0 in this stretch, looking every bit as good as the Wet Bandits. The defending Fall D1 champs look to be rounding into form at just the right time. 

 

-Mavericks. The Mavs look like they’ll be playing for the D2 title at this rate. They’re 3-1 since Week 3, and the 1 was a 13 point loss to the Wet Bandits. 

 

-Can’t Touch This. They’re only 2-0, and while I wanted to avoid looking at teams that have only played 2 or less games for this exercise, CTT is a current “top tier” TSL squad. Why? Those two wins were against the defending D1 champs in Sticky Bandits, and the defending D3 champs who moved up to D2 and were strongly considered to be placed in D1 in The Malones. 

 

-Scared Hitless. They deserve this mention, even if they’re 2-2 during this stretch. The losses are a 2 point loss to the Mavericks and a 4 point loss to the Sticky Bandits. They’re absolutely priming themselves to be the “lower seed that makes the championship game” in D2, and they’re going to be everyone’s favorite “Long Shot” bet before the playoffs begin. 

 

-Mix’n It Up. Team Keller has taken another step forward overall, as they’re 4-0 in this stretch, finding ways to win every which way they can. Damien looks like a younger, less handsome Scott Sr. throwing the ball, and once he realizes the power of using the workout bands on the sidelines before games, Damien should have a real shot at D3 QB of the Year. 

 

-Wanderers. 3-1 since Week 3, looking every bit as dominant as they usually do at this point. Their only loss was to Mix’n It Up. Par for the course here. 

 

-Practice Squad. Anyone who was waiting for them to crack after a hot start has been severely disappointed. They’re 3-1 since Week 3, and the only loss was a close one to the Wanderers. And they’re only going to be better once “Playoff B” shows up. 

 

-Cunning Stunts. 3-0, dominating the boys as they do all of the time. 

 

-The Herd. Yes, you ‘Herd’ me right. They’re 3-0, and averaging 47 points a game during this time period, and they’re rounding into form as one of the TSL’s hottest teams. They get rematches against both the Stunts and ILF before the season ends (Yes, they got both of these teams as the two teams they play twice. Jeff Krol clearly hates them.) and it’ll be exciting to see how they fare against them now. 

 

-Come From Behind. 3-1 since Week 3 with the lone loss being a 1 point loss to Stir The Sauce. Rounding into form at the perfect time, they’ve only allowed an average of 14.75 points per game during this stretch. It’s more impressive when you realize they’ve played GUCCI and Not So Sticky along the way. 

 

-Two Tuddies. The Tud Buds are still crashing the D5 party, sitting at 3-1 since Week 3 with the loss coming against the Power Puff Girls. Nothing to sneeze at there. They’re looking to be for real. 

 

-Blitzkrieg. 3-1 in D6 with a loss to the upstart Day By Day. Whispers around the league continue to get louder that this year HAS to be the year for them…right? 

STOCK DOWN (teams who have just been “not great” since Week 3, regardless of how they started the year)

 

-The Malones. 0-3 since Week 3. That seemed unfathomable heading into the season. Losing to Eyes Downtown in a Crossover game? Fine. Losing to Frodo? Explainable. Losing by 22 to Can’t Touch This? CTT is very good, but that’s not what you’re expecting from The Malones. This season we went from The Malones vs Everybody, to The Malones vs The Malones. I have faith they’ll figure it out. It just might be in the Spring. 

 

-The Untouchaballs. 1-4 since Week 3. Rumors early on that Burr wasn’t going to play QB. The top candidate for “Season From Hell”, the UT have struggled mightily on defense, they got waxed this past week by Wet Bandits and Mavericks, and very clearly something isn’t right here. 

 

-Topper’s All Stars & Todd. 1-4 in this stretch, roster issues have plagued them a bit, and so have injuries. They haven’t had great QB play this season, picking up subs more often than not, but there’s hope here. They finally got the team together, and should have beaten Mix’n It Up. And even better, Topper was heard on the sidelines saying that he finally feels ready to throw again. There’s a world where Topper starts behind center before the season ends, beats the Wanderers in the last week of the season, and then goes on a magical playoff journey that will prove, once and for all, that we really are living in a simulation. 

There aren't a lot of pure “Stock Down” teams because right now we have a lot of teams in the “mushy middle” where they went 2-1 or 1-2 and they’re in close games or improving in the last few weeks. Yes, even Cobblestone. There’s a lot of football left, and these current trends could change by the time we roll into Week 8. Some teams like Stir the Sauce and Sticky Bandits have 5 games remaining and could easily find themselves on either one of these lists. Others such as Frodo Swaggins, Grey Hair Don’t Care, and Bullet Club only have 2 games left to go (and Bullet Club only technically has one left, with a forfeit win from the Straw Hats still coming for them) and at this point one has to think that they are who they are. 

 

As always, it’s going to be very interesting to watch it all unfold. 

D1/D2

 

Last Week’s Games

 

D1

 

Eyes Downtown 32, Frodo Swaggins 25

 

D1/D2 Crossover Corner

 

Wet Bandits 60, The Untouchaballs 32

Grey Hair Don’t Care 28, Frodo Swaggins 28 (TIE)

 

D1 leads the Crossover Season Series 11-4-1. 

 

D2

 

Can’t Touch This 52, The Malones 30

Mavericks 48, The Untouchaballs 9

Mavericks 42, Scared Hitless 40

Eyes Downtown continues to roll, this time beating Frodo by a TD. Frodo ended up going 0-1-1 on the day giving us our first tie of the season (Non-Breakfast Club version) when they split with Grey Hair Don’t Care. The Wet Bandits have the new season high for points in a game with 60 this year, as they pummeled The Untouchaballs, who would then go on to get smacked by the Mavericks as well. The Mavs were 2-0 on the day, also getting a hard fought win over Scared Hitless, 42-40. And finally, Can’t Touch This takes care of The Malones and seem to be headed for a collision course with the Mavericks for D2 supremacy. 

This Week’s Games: 

 

D1

 

Eyes Downtown vs Freeballers (+10) - Eyes Downtown has been very good lately, and while the Freeballers have been improving, they’re not quite on the level of Bobby and Co. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 18

 

D1/D2 Crossover Corner

 

Sticky Bandits vs The Untouchaballs (+10) - Sticky Nation has only played 4 games so far this season, and after a week off get back at it against an Untouchaballs squad that is playing about as poorly as they ever have recently. I do not doubt UT’s ability to figure it out and roll in the playoffs, they’ve done it before, but right now this feels different. STICKY BANDITS BY 14

 

Wet Bandits vs The Malones (+12) - The Wet Bandits are essentially doing to D1/D2 what The Malones did to D3 last season. They average 48 points a game, and just blow teams out of the water. The Malones aren’t quite themselves as they adjust to the better teams in the league, and they’re about to become that bad guy in a movie that finally realizes “Oh my god, is THAT what I’ve been doing to others?”. WET BANDITS BY 17

 

D2

 

Mavericks vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+14) - GHDC is 1-5-1 heading into this game, not quite what they had in mind this season. It’s clear they could use another stand out player, but that’s what the offseason is for. The Mavericks continue to just casually cruise to 40 points and victories. They look to be 7-1 heading into a Week 8 crossover matchup with Eyes Downtown that could be very fun to watch. Hopefully, they don’t get caught looking ahead like I’m doing. MAVERICKS BY 24

D3

 

Last Week’s Games

 

Mix’n It Up 30, Topper’s All-Stars & Todd 29

Bullet Club 34, Passing While Intoxicated 17

Wanderers 36, Practice Squad 30

Mix’n It Up 41, Buffalo Vice 35

Topper’s All-Stars & Todd 21, Straw Hats 0 (Forfeit)

Jabronies 30, Let’s Get Reccked 8

 

D3 continues to be quite exciting, as Mix’n It Up goes for the 2 point conversion and sneaks by TAST to win the game. Mix would end up 2-0 on the day after getting a one score win over Buffalo Vice as well. Bullet Club put together a nice win over PWI, who continues to look like they belong in D3, even if they’re still not quite getting the results they expect from themselves just yet. Wanderers get a huge win over Practice Squad, beating them by a touchdown to ruin the perfect season. And lastly, the Jabronies had no trouble with LGR, waltzing to a victory. 

This Week’s Games

 

Practice Squad vs Jabronies (+7) - These two teams have one thing in common for sure: They both have close losses to the Wanderers this season. Other than that, Practice Squad has been enjoying a fantastic season, while the Jabronies have certainly had their share of ups and downs. Give me the more consistent team here. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8

 

Jabronies vs Passing While Intoxicated (+6) - Joe Miano vs Buddy Lee is the unexpected QB battle we didn’t know we wanted, but we’re glad to have coming our way. Both teams have some question marks, PWI with their guys, and Jabronies with their ladies, so it’ll be interesting to see which QB uses their players better here. A Buddy to Tori TD for the win? My Sources Say Yes. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 4. 

 

Practice Squad vs Bullet Club (+5) - While Practice Squad has been enjoying a great season, secretly so has Bullet Club. A season removed from being 2-6 and in the “Play In” game, Bullet Club has already doubled their win total (counting the Straw Hats forfeit) from last season, and if you remove the two blowout losses in Week 1, they’re 4-2 since, with the two losses being one score games with Mix and LGR. This should be a pretty good game, but give me the team with B. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3. 

 

Mix’n It Up vs Let’s Get Reccked (+6) - Mix is sitting pretty at 5-0, looking to continue their hot start against LGR who continues to disappoint. LGR is 2-3 but could easily be 4-1. They never seem to put it all together though. This should have Game of the Day potential. MIX’N IT UP BY 2

D4

 

Last Week’s Games

 

Cobblestone 27, Creekers 21

ILFers 40, Creekers 13

The Herd 46, Select 33

Cunning Stunts 42, GirthQuakes 31

 

Cobblestone wins…and it counts! Cobblestone beats the Creekers despite playing a man down. Things don’t get any better for the Creekers as they fall to 0-2 on the day as ILF blows them out. The Herd continues to rock and roll, putting up a bunch of points as they get by Select. And then finally, the GirthQuakes get introduced to the Stunts, losing by 11. 

This Week’s Games

 

Cunning Stunts vs Creekers (+13) - The Creekers are up next for the Stunts to slaughter. The Stunts beat the Creekers 45-20 earlier in the year. I don’t think the Creekers figured out defense in the last week. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

ILF vs Vaspian (+7) - Vaspian is still under the radar a bit, but they’ve closed the gap nicely between themselves and the top teams in the division for sure this year. They’re slightly on my upset radar, but I don’t have the testicular fortitude to pick them to do it. The ILFers are just too good. ILF BY 4

 

ILF vs GirthQuakes (+10) - A double dose of ILF is always good for the league, but it’s not going to be great for the GQs (it’s catching on). There’s some talent on the GirthQuakes, and they’re going to win some games at some point. It’s just not this time. ILF BY 10

 

Vaspian vs Cobblestone (+7) - Every nice thing I’m saying about Vaspian might be all for nothing if they fall short against Cobblestone, who is having just a tough season, but might be turning things around? Either way, Vaspian should be “ahead” of Cobblestone, even if you can never count out Darryl Carr QB Superstar when it comes to football. VASPIAN BY 6

 

Cunning Stunts vs Select (+14) - Select has been outscored 84-41 the last two weeks in blowout losses to Vaspian and The Herd. It’s a far cry from when they were 2-1 after a 5 point loss to ILF where they could’ve won. Now they’re all over the place and they get a Cunning Stunts team that couldn’t be more on fire. Not the best time for them to cross paths if you’re Select. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

D5

 

Last Week’s Games

 

Pit Harade 25, Spinelli’s Plumbing 24

Power Puff Girls 33, Two Tuddies 16

GUCCI 28, Not So Sticky 6

Come From Behind 34, Pit Harade 16

Power Puff Girls 51, GUCCI 36

Come From Behind 48, Not So Sticky 22

 

Pit Harade gets their first win in D5 with a nice win over Spinelli’s, before they lose to Come From Behind to go to 1-1 on the day. CFB went to 2-0, as they also collected a win over Not So Sticky, who went 0-2 after they lost to GUCCI as well. GUCCI was 1-1 on the day as the Power Puff Girls collected a win over them, and PPG ended up giving the Tud Buds their first loss of the season as well to get to 2-0 on the day. 

 

This Week’s Games

 

Power Puff Girls vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+10) - I said last season that the PPGs were figuring this whole “gender team” thing out, and they carried it all over to this season as they’ve been absolutely great this fall. Spinelli’s still has some kinks to work out, mostly defensively, which can only mean that they’re boned in this one. POWER PUFF GIRLS BY 17

 

GUCCI vs Stir The Sauce (EVEN) - Stir The Sauce has played three straight 1 point games, going 1-2 in them. They upset GUCCI in the playoffs last year, and you HAVE to think GUCCI remembers that. GUCCI has been good for a while. STS keeps getting better and better. This game is going to be one to remember. STS needs it more. STIR THE SAUCE BY 1

 

GUCCI vs Pit Harade (+10) - Pit Harade finally got in the win column and it coincided with the return of their own female QB, Rayanna. That’s probably not a coincidence. PH has struggled through roster issues which is never the move for going up a division, but having Ray throw gives them an easy answer to the 8 points GUCCI gets from All-World QB Kelly Kane. (2 female QBs AND a gender team? D5 is fun.) However, give me the experience of Kelly in this one. GUCCI BY 12

 

Not So Sticky vs Stir The Sauce (EVEN) - I don’t fully know what to think about STS just yet. I know they’re on the rise. They’re in every game. But then you look and they haven’t had the hardest schedule just yet. Ending with NSS, GUCCI, CFB, and PPG will really show us what we have with them. Not So Sticky is right where they always seem to be, at .500, winning some nice games, losing some others. You never quite know what you’re going to get, which is part of the charm. NOT SO STICKY BY 1

 

Come From Behind vs Two Tuddies (+3) - The Tuddies still don’t get tons of respect from the oddsmakers as they continue to have to prove themselves to not be a fluke. On one hand, they’ve beaten Not So Sticky, GUCCI, and Stir The Sauce. On the other hand, NSS was Week 1, GUCCI was that weird week GUCCI didn’t have anyone, and they snuck by STS by a point. Then the PPGs smacked them a bit. CFB, meanwhile, is playing some very good football, and they seemed poised to finally get that title that’s been eluding them for a bit. If the Two Tuddies are serious contenders, they’ll win this week. They are. TWO TUDDIES BY 2

D6

 

Last Week’s Games

 

Blitzkrieg 47, Purple Nurples 6

Sausage McMuffins 38, Sticky Laces 18

Balls Deep 42, Day By Day 37

Blitzkrieg 42, Dogg Pound 6

Purple Nurples 41, TMA 24

 

Blitzkrieg goes 2-0 with a pair of nearly identical dominating wins over the Dogg Pound and Purple Nurples. The Nurps would go 1-1 on the day with a win over TMA. Meanwhile, the McMuffins continue to win football games, beating Sticky Laces by 20, and Balls Deep puts up 42 points in a win over Day By Day. 

 

This Week’s Games

 

Purple Nurples vs Dogg Pound (+7) - This will depend on what players show up for the Nurps, but you know the DP will roll 14 people deep. Dogg Pound is close to everything ‘clicking’ and having wins come their way, and honestly? I think it clicks this week. DOGG POUND BY 6

 

Balls Deep vs TMA (+7) - Okay Balls Deep, I see you. 42 points against a very good DBD team is a good way to get noticed. I still think Balls Deep is a step behind the top teams in D6, but they closed that gap a little now. TMA apparently struggles because their QB never shows up for them. When he does, they win and play well. When he doesn’t, things aren’t great. Someone needs to kidnap Ryan and force him to be there every week, if he is, they win this game. But I can’t assume he will be there. BALLS DEEP BY 8

 

Blitzkrieg vs Sticky Laces (+10) - Blitzkrieg’s collective buttholes are tightening as the season draws nearer to a close. No team in TSL history has won as many games, been favored and picked to win a championship, and then never ends up doing it more than they have. Now they’re 5-1 after two easy peasy wins, and an 8-1 record with the #1 seed is in their sights, and VERY attainable. Hopefully they shake off the PTSD from years past. Sticky Laces finds themselves at 3-2 and showing lots of improvement from a season ago. This game is the litmus test of all litmus tests to see if they belong in the championship chatter. Not sure they’re there just yet. BLITZKRIEG BY 18

 

Sticky Laces vs Dogg Pound (+3) - A small, budding rivalry continues in D6 as DP and the Laces (which sounds like a Rock Band name) meet up yet again. These teams play close, tight games, and they did so again Week 1 in a 2 point win for the Laces. The Laces get a win yet again here. STICKY LACES BY 2

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Day By Day (EVEN) - The Day By Day for D6 favorites train got a little derailed after their loss to Balls Deep, but they can right the ship with a win over the McMuffins this week. I have to hand it to SMM, Alex keeps his team chugging along, and they keep easily winning the games they’re “supposed” to win, winning by an average score of 41 - 25. They’re quietly a Top 10 team in the super accurate Topper formula TSL Rankings. They have a great squad, and Eric Pochylski is in the running for the “Guy Way Too Good For His Division” award. Day By Day is good, and could win this game, I just don’t think they will. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 7

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• Who has been the most disappointing team this season so far? While The Untouchaballs haven’t been the best version of themselves, I’m going to go with the Creekers. They’re 1-4, and haven’t even gotten to 100 points scored yet. When you have a talent like Mullet Guy on your team, you need to win more, especially after last season. 

 

 

 

• Does anyone go undefeated for the whole season? The following teams haven’t lost a game yet: Wet Bandits, Mix’n It Up, Cunning Stunts. Mix’n It Up barely escaped Team Topper last week, and with 4 tough games remaining, I can see them dropping at least one of them. The Wet Bandits have three games to go - The Malones, Sticky Bandits, and Scared Hitless. As of now, I think they have a 90% chance of winning them all. And as for the Stunts, they have Creekers, Select, and The Herd left. The Herd should give them the best fight, but even if they double their total points scored from the first time these two played, they’d still lose 52-48. So I think we’ll see two teams go undefeated in the regular season, which means Joey Batts will go 18-0, which will most likely, hopefully, raise Chris Cole and Matty Ice from their graves to battle him. 

 

 

 

• Who has been the most surprising team this season? I have to go with The Herd. They’re playing fantastic right now, and they don’t look anything like last year’s team. Honorable mentions to Practice Squad and Two Tuddies, who are both playing much better than anticipated. 

 

 

 

• Is this the most even the divisions have been in recent memory? As usual, D3 is very close from top to bottom. D2 is also full of teams that all beat each other, and so is D5 for the most part. D6 has a lot of teams that could be the “top” teams if they sleep on them. D1 has the Wet Bandits winning a bunch, but they’re not THAT far away from Eyes Downtown and Sticky. And Frodo is much improved. D4 is slightly top heavy, but with The Herd, Select, and Vaspian all being much improved, it’s closer than we thought. So yeah, I think this might be the most competitive the TSL has been in a bit. 

 

 

 

• Did we get TSL Banquet details yet? Not yet, but you know we’ll have an announcement from Jeff soon about the greatest party of the year. A wedding without the wedding, and we give some awards out and then drink and dance the night away? Sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? You’ll WANT to be there. 

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• It seems like Breakfast Club is getting closer than ever, which is exactly how it should be. Teams are also gaining ground on Steph Infection, so maybe Steph WON’T win again. Good. 

 

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions: 

• Dri Girls 1 Cup 35, Carlyac Arrest 22

• Steph Infection 40, Syd On My Face 37

• D’s Nutz 24, All Ryled Up 23

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Jabronies vs Practice Squad

• 11:00 - Bullet Club vs Practice Squad

• 12:00 - GUCCI vs Stir The Sauce

• 1:00 - The Malones vs Wet Bandits

• 2:00 - Come From Behind vs Two Tuddies

• 3:00 - Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Mavericks

 

 

 

• My trusty weather channel app tells me that the weather in Buffalo for Saturday looks to be 75 and cloudy - perfect weather for football. Although it’s going to be 84 and Sunny here in Des Moines. 

 

 

 

• There haven’t been too many freakouts on referees as of late, even when they make a mistake. Good job everyone. 

 

 

 

• The bar continues to be hopping during the day from what I hear, which is always good. Get out there and make some new friends, especially if your own team is a bunch of weaklings who go straight home. 

 

 

 

• An unprecedented amount of requests for female subs have been coming in lately. Ladies, quit skipping your games. (I expect this to be just as bad during Fall Fest on the 12th).

 

 

 

• Topper saying he’s ready to throw again after potentially retiring for “forever” is one of the most exciting things to happen in the TSL in at least a few days. “Someone has to stop Joey Batts!” was his direct quote. I don’t think he knows how divisions work, which would honestly explain a lot of the TSL’s history. 

 

 

 

• Please remember that when it’s B’s brother’s sleepy time around 1pm, don’t disturb him. Doing so will result in suspensions. 

 

 

 

• The fields are holding up well, Field 5 is actually improving (compared to what you may think) as the season goes on, and for the most part it’s been reported to me that the league has run rather smoothly. It takes a village, so good work on the part of everyone that helps the TSL continue to be the best Social Co-Ed Touch Football experience it can be. 

 

-GF OUT

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