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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the TSL Fall 2025 season is already past the quarter pole of the season as the Race for Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality’s eight week Qualifying Round Where Everyone Qualifies continues. For those not in on the joke, since all of you are going to make the playoffs, the “regular season” pretty much exists solely for you to determine your seeding heading into the playoffs, with a side of “trying to earn a bye week” mixed in. 

 

And while some people say they’d MUCH rather “play an extra game than get a bye week”, let me caution the newbies really quickly: The TSL playoffs has proven to be nothing but a graveyard of better seeded teams getting upset for a variety of reasons. Avoiding a chance to be one of those teams is completely the way to go. You have six more weeks of hot TSL action to get it together and earn one of those bye weeks, provided you’re allowed one. For the first time in forever, there won’t be a bye in D1. D2 will give away two of them, as usual. D3, ever the TSL’s Thunderdome, will not have its seemingly customary four team first round. D4 gives you a bye for the top seed, D5 gives you nothing, and D6 is an animal all to itself, where the contenders for immortality will want to be in the Top 4 come October. 

 

Now that you have an idea of why these games are important (for some of you anyway), keep in mind that even if you’ve gotten off to a rough, 0-2 start (Here’s looking at you Mavericks, Grey Hair Don’t Care, GirthQuakes, Practice Squad, Mike’s Detailing, Pit Harade, and the Puck Bunnies), or an 0-2-1 start (Mo’ Chicken), or an 0-3 start (Cobblestone), or an 0-4 start (Raw Milkers!) you still have hope. Okay, Cobblestone and the Raw Milkers probably don’t have any hope at a bye week for the playoffs at this point, but you get my point. The season is still young. It’s basically a 21 year old that just started drinking; there’s going to be some mistakes made. But it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. So have some faith. 

 

As for the teams that are 2-0 and having a good start to the season, of course there’s no rule that says you’re going to eventually crumble at the finish line. You could be starting the foundation of your championship early, each win so far representing the true building block of hope that it represents. So far, the 2-0 teams have been a nice mix of “Not So Surprising” - (Legends, Sticky Bandits, The Malones, PowerPuff Girls) to “Okay, I’m Mildly Surprised” (Two Tuddies, Buffalo Vice) to “Oh Wow, I’m Pretty Surprised!” (Bridget & Quit It, Balls Deep, The Chargers, Select).

 

The best thing about all of the teams I just listed is that it’s a pretty good mix of long time TSL franchises (Buffalo Vice, Sticky Bandits), teams that took their lumps early on but have put in the time and effort to improve every season to become a top team (The Malones, Two Tuddies, Balls Deep, and yes, even the PowerPuff Girls, who despite arguably being the TSL’s pound for pound champion, took a little time to figure it out and get here), teams that have only been good because they stole all of the league’s top players and ruined the competition around them but tried to justify it because they trot out the league’s best 5 foot 3 supermodel turned QB but grew into quite the little family over the years and have weirdly become a feel good story that’s just waiting for a face turn but there hasn’t been a big enough heel team to get on their level just yet and it might be too late because they’ll just retire as a team before that happens (Legends), and some Brand New teams too! (Bridget & Quit It, The Chargers, and Select - the first two are in their first session, and Select is in their second.)

 

Of course, schedules may get harder, opponents who seem weak right now will get stronger (looking at you, Practice Squad. What the hell are you doing at 0-2 B? I’m assuming Kenny “The Good” Lantz hasn’t played a game yet), and more teams will get on the same page with each other. Usually, right around Week 3 is when you’re just starting to show improvements….or that you’re probably who you are. But this session, Week 3 is the “chaos” week where crazy things are more likely to happen, as it’s Labor Day weekend (the Spring Session gives us Memorial Day weekend for this, I’ve always enjoyed the symmetry). 

 

With Labor Day sort of the unofficially official “End of Summer”, we get lots of teams requesting bye weeks (for instance, we only have 37 of the league’s 49 franchises playing this weekend, with seven teams playing doubleheaders), and even the teams that DO play tend to be missing a few players because they have to go to out of town, or they’re camping, or they’re at a family shindig, etc. The TSL team group texts have had lots of excuses this week of why people are missing games. Because of this, the potential for games to give us crazy results increases tenfold, at least. So, while you shouldn’t read too deeply into this week’s results when it comes to winning Immortality, you should pay attention to the games anyway, because they can all be really, really fun. 

 

 D1

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Sticky Bandits 37, Eyes Downtown 29

Unit Ha Ha 26, Mavericks 21

Frodo Swaggins 22, What A Dump 22

Legends 35, What A Dump 14

 

D1 is on its way to giving us three tiers within itself. There’s the Championship tier with the Legends, Sticky and Eyes Downtown, the middle teams with Frodo, WAD, and MAYBE Unit Ha Ha, and then the lower tier that trots out the Mavericks and Freeballers. Sticky stayed undefeated with a big win over Eyes Downtown last week. Unit Ha Ha got their first win of the season in a tight game against the Mavericks, who are still navigating D1 as a team and should only get better as the year goes on. Frodo Swaggins and What A Dump ran it back from a week prior which gave us a one point win for WAD, and this time the teams tied! Heck of a rivalry brewing there perhaps? WAD would then go on to get stomped by the Legends. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

EYES DOWNTOWN VS MAVERICKS (+8) - While the Mavs are still looking for their first D1 win, they already showed big time improvement from last week, even in a close loss. Eyes Downtown had a close loss of their own to Sticky, which gives us two teams with good QBs that both really want to win and get the losses out of their mind. This may come down to who blinks first. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 8

 

FRODO SWAGGINS VS MAVERICKS (+2) - Frodo is looking for their first win this season after a 1 point loss and a tie against WAD. While they would’ve been favored in this one anyway given the marked improvement Frodo has shown the last few seasons, I think the pressure is more on Frodo to get this done. I wonder how the Mavs would fare in this game if they didn’t have to play Frodo after playing a game against ED already? FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

D2

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

The Malones 31, Can’t Touch This 24

Jabronies 44, Passing While Intoxicated* 26

Passing While Intoxicated* 49, Scared Hitless 18

Scared Hitless 37, Grey Hair Don’t Care 32

 

The Malones outlast Can’t Touch This in yet another banger by these two teams (That we get to see again this week!), meanwhile the Jabronies make easy work of PWI* in their D2 debut, but PWI* ended up getting things together not too much longer after, dunking on Scared Hitless 49-18. But then it was Scared Hitless’ turn to turn it around, as they squeaked out a much needed win against Grey Hair Don’t Care. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

CAN’T TOUCH THIS VS SCARED HITLESS (+10) - Scared Hitless is going through some stuff right now internally with getting acclimated to a new QB and some new players as well. While they have a VERY talented team as usual, it’s just about putting it together for them. Right now, that is leading to a “not too great” defense, and when you’re playing one of the most complete teams in the TSL in CTT, that’s not a recipe for success. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 13

 

JABRONIES VS GREY HAIR DON’T CARE (+7) - Don’t look now, but we might have front row seats to the Joe Miano D2 QB MVP tour as the Jabronies seem poised to take the next step as they chase the D2 title. They seemed to have grown from last season, and right now they feel like they can just put up points on anyone. Grey Hair is 0-2, sure, but they’re a good team that isn’t getting blown out. If the Jabronies are “feeling themselves” a little too much, they could get here, but I think they’ll be okay. JABRONIES BY 2

 

THE MALONES VS CAN’T TOUCH THIS (EVEN) - Back to back weeks of this? The TSL scheduling gods have decided to smile upon us. Another good game last week that came down to the wire from what I was told, and there’s zero reason to think this one will be any different. Well, there will be ONE difference: CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 3

D3

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Bullet Club 34, GirthQuakes 27

Wanderers 47, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 44

Buffalo Vice 46, Practice Squad 15

Cunning Stunts 52, D-Generation X, Y, and Z 47

To nobody’s surprise, D3 is a battleground no matter what the game. Bullet Club gets into the win column with a close win over the GQs, while the Wanderers played their first game of the season, and gave ILF the “Wanderers” treatment with a one score victory in their first “Welcome to D3” moment. Buffalo Vice embarrassed Practice Squad with a 31 point win, while the Stunts took the Katie Keller Bowl over DXYZ in a high scoring affair. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

BUFFALO VICE VS D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z (+3) - Buffalo Vice is putting up some big time numbers so far this season, enough to at least make the Rules Committee consider drug testing them. They might be off to the best start of the TSL season. However, DXYZ and Team Keller are a play or two away from this being a battle of two undefeated teams playing for the division lead. DXYZ is playing too well to be 1-2. But this is going to be very close. D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z BY 1

 

BULLET CLUB VS INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS (EVEN) - If ILF has done anything in D3 so far this season, it’s that they’ve shown they belong. Both teams have wins over the GQs, but while ILF hung with the Wanderers, Bullet Club got soundly beaten by Vice, and now they get to continue their struggles against Buddy Lee, just on a different team. INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 8

 

PRACTICE SQUAD VS GIRTHQUAKES (EVEN) - Something isn’t right with Practice Squad, and now they’re not even favored against the GirthQuakes? The GQs have played two tough teams, and we’ve been thinking they’re going to start winning a bit more sooner than later. Why not against a Practice Squad team that looks all sorts of out of sorts? It is a chaos week after all, isn’t it? GIRTHQUAKES BY 2

 

CUNNING STUNTS VS INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS (+3) - The Stunts showed up and showed out last week in their season debut, putting up 52 points against DXYZ. ILF has the ability to score just as many points as the Stunts, so it will come down to getting a stop for them. The thing is, ILF used to be a really defensive team, it's in their DNA. Someone will make that play and we’ll have a surprising 3-1 team after this weekend. INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 2

 

CUNNING STUNTS VS GIRTHQUAKES (+10) - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. The GQs had the shock of the season in the spring when they upset the Stunts in their game. The only problem for the GQs is that the Stunts remember that, and they’re not going to let that happen again. A focused Stunts team that’s even more invested in a game than usual? Sorry GQs. CUNNING STUNTS BY 18

D4

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

PowerPuff Girls 29, Ready To Retire 20

PowerPuff Girls 35, Cobblestone 22

Two Tuddies 30, Mike’s Detailing 22

Come From Behind 34, Cobblestone 18

 

The PPGs made their D4 debut and they didn’t disappoint. After shaking the rust off in a closer than they would’ve liked to win over RTR, the Girls proceeded to put up 35 points on Cobblestone to go to 2-0. Not to be outdone, the Tud Buds joined their D5 move up partners at 2-0 with a win over a very good Mike’s Detailing team. Come From Behind joined in the fun, racking up their first win of the year over Cobblestone, who might be 0-3, but the key thing here is that they haven’t forfeited yet! 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

PUCKETT ALL-STARS VS COME FROM BEHIND (+5) - Puckett looked really good two weeks ago after having a week off last week. Meanwhile CFB reversed their fortunes with a nice win over Cobblestone, but this will be a bit more of a test for them. This should be a good back and forth game that comes down to the wire. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 2

 

READY TO RETIRE VS COBBLESTONE (+7) - Okay, the excitement around Cobblestone running it back with the old crew feels like it’s tapered off and it shouldn’t. Of course it was going to take a little bit of time for everyone to get back on Darryl’s level, so maybe relax with the hate out there. However, it might be a little longer for that first win as they get RTR, which is a really good team that’s firing on all cylinders. Well, maybe just “most” cylinders. READY TO RETIRE BY 6

D5

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Stir The Sauce 15, Pit Harade 6

Balls Deep 48, Sausage McMuffins 20

Mo’ Chicken 13, Sausage McMuffins 13

Bridget & Quit It 40, Mo’ Chicken 0

 

Stir The Sauce got by Pit Harade in a defensive battle, while Balls Deep continued rocking in D5 with an easy win over the McMuffins. Things got worse for the McMuffins after they could only get 13 points in a tie with Mo’ Chicken. MO would go on to get crushed by Bridget and company. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS VS STIR THE SAUCE (+7) - The McMuffins might be in trouble. A season after being one of the top teams, they just seem off to me, and tying Mo’ Chicken (sorry MO) just seems rough. Maybe it was an off week though. Stir The Sauce isn’t lighting up the scoreboard, so SMM should be able to get back on track. But if they don’t? Uh-oh. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 17

 

BLITZKRIEG VS PIT HARADE (+12) - Fall Blitzkrieg was back in full effect in Week 1, putting up 37 points, but losing? That 45 points allowed doesn’t seem right, and the currently anemic Pit Harade offense should be the cure for ails them. PH is on their 3,251st QB since their inception it seems, as Brian O from Vaspian has taken over that duty. Their defense has been very good, and even scoring an average amount of points on offense would have them looking at a 2-0 record. These teams have met many times over the years, and BK always seems to have their number anyway from what I remember. BLITZKRIEG BY 18

 

BLITZKRIEG VS NOT SO STICKY (EVEN) - BK isn’t going to be playing 3 games in one day at least, but they get a doubleheader here. Getting Not So Sticky on the backend of a doubleheader is a double edged sword. On the one hand, NSS doesn’t usually play a fast paced game with tons of scoring, they’re a little bit more methodical, which means they’re not taking advantage of a more tired BK team, but on the other side of things, they have high football IQ, and that is always harder to deal with. NOT SO STICKY BY 2

 

NOT SO STICKY VS BRIDGET & QUIT IT (EVEN) - Bridget should already be on the QB Power Rankings. I get that she’s playing in D5 and the TSLQBPRC favors higher division QBs, but to come into the TSL as a brand new QB and just light up the competition (averaging 36 points a game) and not get acknowledged is just silly. What are they even doing over there? On the other hand, BQI has had a pretty easy schedule so far, only playing STS and MO. If Bridget and her cannon arm can beat the D5 All-Star team that is NSS, who will pose perhaps her greatest challenge defensively, that should solidify her (and the team, I guess) as bonafide studs in D5. 

 

D6

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

The Chargers 42, Intentional Clowning 22

Select 44, Puck Bunnies 16

Four Tuddies 26, Raw Milkers 25

Blue Ballers 46, Raw Milkers 31

The Chargers looked a bit unstoppable against Intentional Clowning, as they took over first place in D6. Not to be outdone, Select is right on their heels after an easy 44-16 win over the Puck Bunnies. The Four Tuds got their first win, taking a one point win over the Raw Milkers, who would then drop to 0-4 on the season with a loss to the Blue Ballers, who got back on track after a Week 1 loss. 

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

RAW MILKERS VS PUCK BUNNIES (+6) - Two crowd favorites with a combined record of 0-6 face off in what will give at least one of them their first win, which means they’re tying. Jokes aside, The PBs have struggled on both sides of the ball, which is to be expected given that they’re a brand new team with a lot of learning to do. The Milkers aren’t playing up to the standards they set for themselves a season ago, but this might be the game that helps them get over the hump. RAW MILKERS BY 12

 

FLYING BALLS VS THREE TUDDIES (+7) - Who the hell are the Flying Balls? No, seriously, if you’re reading this email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., let’s chat. The league’s most mysterious team showed up Week 1, put up 54 points, and vanished. After a week off, they’re getting the 3Ts, who are currently the worst of the various Tuddies. This version struggles a bit on offense, which the Balls do not. FLYING BALLS BY 14

 

TMA VS BLUE BALLERS (+3) - Two of last season’s top D6 teams return to the fields for some good ol’ fashioned football. These teams can both score points, so it’ll be on whichever defense makes a play or two, and TMA has more than enough players with a knack for that. TMA BY 6

 

SELECT VS IRISH GIANTS (+3) - The Irish Giants have finally decided to play some football after taking the first two weeks of the season off to probably do some fun stuff. Their first test is a pretty dialed in Select team that’s been looking like a championship contender this season. The Giants had a very good last few weeks in the Spring, which kind of reminded everyone in the league what they can actually do on a football field. But getting a hot opponent after a lot of time off isn’t the best start for them. SELECT BY 8

 

THE CHARGERS VS FOUR TUDDIES (+7) - The Chargers continue to take D6 by storm, putting up yet another big offensive game, and they’re looking like legit contenders for the title. Four Tuddies did get their first win in franchise history last week, but they’re going from playing the bottom of the standings to the tippy top of them in a week’s span. They’re not ready for that. THE CHARGERS BY 17

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• WILL ANY OF THE REMAINING UNDEFEATED TEAMS STAY UNDEFEATED DURING THE SEASON? While I’d like to say no, because it's very hard to be “on” every single week and not have that week where half of your team can’t make it, or the weather is terrible, etc., there’s a very good chance that the winners of the PowerPuff Girls vs Two Tuddies and Legends vs Sticky Bandits games can pull it off. The Chargers have a really good chance to do so as well if they keep it up, as they managed to avoid TMA, Select, AND Sticky Laces on their schedule, making it arguably the ‘easiest’ in the division. 

 

 

 

• DO ANY TEAMS LOOK LIKE THIS YEAR’S WINNER OF THE “SHOW ME YOUR TDS AWARD FOR BEING IN THE WAY WRONG DIVISION? Nobody looks like that on the level that the award’s namesake did by this time last session. If you’re making me pick one, perhaps it’s the Freeballers in D1? They were QUITE good last season despite not winning any games in the regular season, but it took getting a really good QB to get them there, and I’m not sure they’ve properly replaced them. But I could be wrong there and it’s a recency bias thing. Maybe Cobblestone but I believe. The GirthQuakes probably would be better off getting some seasoning down in D4 maybe too. But the fact that this was pretty hard to answer tells you that the league has it right this time around. 

 

 

 

• IS THERE ANYONE THAT REALLY NEEDS A WIN ALREADY IN WEEK 3? I alluded to it earlier, but Sausage McMuffins really do. They haven’t played the toughest schedule at all, and last season they’d be 3-0, but to be 1-1-1 and give the showing they gave last week? If they lose this week, they’re really in trouble. 

 

 

 

• WHO’S THE CURRENT “MOST SHOCKING RECORD” AWARD WINNER THIS EARLY IN THE SEASON? This is easy. Practice Squad, and they know it. It’s one thing to be 0-2. Honestly, the Squad being 0-2 isn’t that unusual as they’re the poster child for “Go winless in the regular season, win the championship anyway”, but these two losses feel different for some reason. If they lose this week……

 

 

 

• WHY ARE PEOPLE BRINGING OUTSIDE ALCOHOL TO THE FIELDS? Despite what many may think, it isn’t “just to be jerks”. For whatever reason, the bar does love to upcharge the league and overprice drinks over the last few seasons. I’m not sure if that is on purpose to help “tone down” the drunken debauchery that the TSL has always given at the Rose Garden on Saturdays, or if it's just the price of business, but it feels more like the former. League vets will remember the “DINNER CLUB” days where the bar made the call to boot the players outside as opposed to spending lots of money at the bar because we can get a touch rowdy. Anyway, while it's extremely frowned upon to bring your outside alcohol to the fields (seriously, don’t do it.), it's more in protest by those who believe that the bar should want to take care of the league’s players, given our history and how much you spend there as a whole. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE SATURDAY

 

 

• Here’s that football weather you were looking for: Buffalo is going to be 68 degrees with a little bit of wind. Perhaps your heatwave game days are over? 

 

 

 

• GAMES OF THE DAY: 

• 10:00 - D-Generation X, Y, and Z vs Buffalo Vice

• 11:00 - ILF vs Bullet Club

• 12:00 - The Malones vs Can’t Touch This

• 1:00 - Not So Sticky vs Bridget & Quit It

• 2:00 - Four Tuddies vs The Chargers

 

 

 

• It’s really cool to see a bunch of the TSL’s new teams performing so well. Same goes for most of the current division champs that moved up. 

 

 

 

• Again, do NOT bring outside alcohol to the fields. Just don’t do it. 

 

 

 

• I was informed that league icon Trish Esposito has moved away to a new state to start a new chapter in her life. The TSL wishes her well on her new adventure! 

 

 

 

• Remember that the TSL podcast is posted on Spotify, and if you don’t have Spotify you can listen at the bottom of the website. No word on if they’ll eventually add other mediums to listen yet. 

 

 

 

• If you want to be a guest on the podcast, you can always reach out to Jeff Krol, Joe K, Dorene, Tino, etc. If you don’t know who those people are, you can ask pretty much anyone at the fields or the bar to point one of them out to you. 

 

 

 

• If you want to stick around the fields and referee a game or two, the league is always looking for the next big thing in refereeing! Ask your ref of your game who you should talk to so they can point you towards Garrett. 

 

 

 

• To a few individuals in the league, the powers that be know what you’re doing, and they’re watching you. Cut it out. 

 

 

 

• I’m always torn on if the league should have a league wide bye week for Memorial Day/Labor Day weekends due to the high requests of teams being off and players missing. But then again, it always tends to make for a fun week of games. Enjoy yourselves this weekend! 

 

 

-GF OUT

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