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A TSL HAIKU

You said sorry guys

I heard that is not the case

Unfortunate news

Enter Week #7

So this has been a crazy week. Everyone has a thought on what is wrong and what needs to be done to fix things. I have an associate of mine he has (2) friends their names are Sarah and Emily. He asked them what they thought was wrong with this league and what needs to be done and that’s when Sarah said #DON’TBLOWIT. Emily later elaborated on the mission statement….And yes I too thought it was something about abstinence and stopping drunken coitus mistakes but I was corrected….

#DONTBLOWIT

Don’t blow it people!!!!

Don’t blow it with the league, don’t blow it with the bar, don’t blow it with your team mates, don’t blow it with your friends, don’t blow it with your job, don’t blow it with your body, don’t blow it with your self-respect, don’t blow it with everything you have done for yourself and others.

Ladies and Gentlemen when you take the field of battle on Saturday June 9^th in the year of our Lord 2018 I would remind each and every one of you….#DON’TBLOWIT

OK I unfortunately will be on sabbatical this week and can’t produce my normal article so here are some random thoughts to keep you going until I get back to business next week.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

-So it looks like Kyle Coniff was right and 3^rd and Schlong might not be the team to beat in D4. Dude has stolen Katie Keller’s milk money, tore up a podcast and thrown an after party in the past few weeks. Could Coniff be this generation’s ambassador of awesomeness ala “The Next Pauly J?”

-Kudos to Management for finally drawing the line on the tom foolery of the past few weeks. It is about time that sub rules get revised and people start acting their age and the wrongs start becoming rights. I for one hope lessons learned and we all move on better for it.

-Team Topper has had it on auto pilot but then tragedy has struck (their defense) and they now sit at 3-2 with a very solid A&A coming to town next. I am hearing their normal ladies will be MIA. Team Topper needs to right the ship and right it fast as playoffs quickly approach.

-Can anyone stop Hootie and the Bro Fish? They have been steam rolling through D2. Looks like they are heading to the show next. I know the league is busy with sub issues and tom foolery right now but when that stuff is done let’s focus on re-organizing and stopping all this that guy plays on this team and that team nonsense. This league started with 40 solid teams with no grey areas I think it’s time to return to one player one team.

- I really enjoyed this week’s podcast. You can agree or disagree with this that and the other thing but I for one commend this league on being a place where everyone has a voice. This league takes a ton of time trying to entertain its customer base. I commend this league for having a web site that works that includes people who actually know how to spell. I also commend them on taking their time to do a podcast to try and help the product. I listened to another league’s podcast a few weeks ago and fell asleep after 3 minutes. It sounded like 4 people were sitting in a garage and I was bored as F. Kudos to the podcast team and to Joe K/DJ Jimmy who were thrust into this position while others have been away. I really think this league does more good than bad with it’s podcast and website. If it ever left there is no doubt in my mind the people that would miss it most are the people that are “complaining.”

-I know there were a lot of long faces at last session’s banquet when Joey Batts walked that aisle and picked up his TSL League MVP. Is it possible that he goes back to back? Now hear me out…..He beat brother Nero in Brother Bowl, he lost Scotty M to a tragic injury and he still has his team at 5-1. What if he does the impossible and beats Hootie and the Bro Fish for the D2 title?  What then TSL Universe?   If that happens does he repeat as your league MVP? Be afraid …be very afraid….

-It is nice to hear that Paul LoVullo has returned. This league needs more of the “good guys” back in town. Come From Behind is 2-2 and could go on a run soon. It’s nice that Paul has been kind enough to lend a hand as a sub QB for teams that need it as well. This league needs more Paul LoVullo’s if you ask me.  If you still aren’t sure if you are doing it right go follow that guy around with a pen and paper you might learn a thing or two.

-Speaking of “good guys” I can’t tell you how much it paints me to see Cobblestone at the bottom of the D3 rankings. Yes Darryl Carr QB Superstar is still our #ICON but it might be time to take the trip to D4. It is quite obvious to this writer that his team just can’t match his talent level at this point in 2018.

-Can anyone stop Eyes Downtown? Marketing Mayors won’t do it without Delecki. I don’t think TEIM is ready yet. Public Enemy at 100% can play with anyone but they can’t get people to the fields. New Gods are having attendance issues and right now Ricky Austin is stuck in the matrix.  Angry Buffalo isn’t ready yet. I think Racks and Sacks are missing one more key player. #XTC is an enigma. When the dust settles I think Eyes Downtown will be hoisting the trophy come July.

-They kept talking about Bullet Club and Team Topper but no one spoke of Mixxx. I really am cheering for JZ this session. He has a solid team and dude knows what he is doing. I also feel bad SITE fired him so it would be a kool story if JZ proved everybody wrong and took the title.

-I can’t help but think The Replacements are the team you do not want to play in the first round of the D2 playoffs. This team has skill and has 2 blazers who can take a game over. TR can shock the world if their QB plays like his hair is on fire. Easier said than done but this still is one team I will keep my eye on down the stretch.

-Tommy Hughes Experience is up against it this week as they have 2 tough tests looming.  A very under rates Witter’s and very tough Cunning Stunts are up next. THE has no speed but they have smarts and they will need it in droves this week.

- One of my favorite people in this league continues to be Matty Ice. I was dying this week on the podcast when he talked about giving Joey Batts the “rock bottom” if he wins another TSL MVP award and loved the “moving car” stories with him and Molly Morgan. Matty is another guy you should follow if you are struggling with what we are trying to do here. Dude shows up, always tries his best on the field then parties like a rock star off it. I am beginning to wonder if we should just set up a “good guys club” where we get these leaders who just “get it” to walk around with the knuckle heads of this league and just show them how things are supposed to be done.

-Matty’s Angels seem to be gaining steam as the season moves along. A “tough” team both literally and figuratively is up next in Hung Buffalo. HB is not the same HB we have grown accustom to. Their offense is scoring but their defense has been lit up a few times especially long over the middle. Matty and his Angels love to go bombs away early and often so this one should be interesting.

- Cunning Stunts are 3-2 and having a fine season. Next up is the Tommy Hughes Experience. Everything begins and ends at QB for the Stunts. No one ever asks this so I will…When a team plays a gender team why don’t they ever get their tallest guy and isolate him on one side and just throw a jump ball at like 8-10 yards. Most girls are like 5’4” -5’10” and guys can go as tall as say 6’4”- 6’5”. It just seems like simple math to me. I don’t know that just popped in my head so I said it.

-DMX is struggling a tad in D2 and have been great sports. I wonder if someone should petition the league and let them use their “old football “again next session.

-I for one hope the Topper decides to re-boot the PJMJTHIDYMT. This of course is the Patrick J McGovern Jr Though He Isn’t Dead Yet Memorial Tournament for teams that don’t make the playoffs. I think a cool trophy should be made and handed to the winner.

-What ever happened to Brother Nero? Did he honor his promise and make 10 new friends? When will he serenade the fair maiden Emily? Are Brother Nero and his Brother even talking right now? If Nero draws the Batman in secret Santa will he hand his brother coal?

-I miss ACE. Right about at this point in the season Blasé LaDuca would have blasted face book like 3x proclaiming his glory. I got to be honest I so wanted to see Matty’s Angels V ACE one more time L. TSL Misses Ronny K!!!

-If the regular season ended today I would have Morning Wood at 53.4-1.

-What happened to Cintas? They started so good but have really fallen flat the past few weeks.

-Practice Squad and Dilly Dilly both sit at 5-1 but it’s the next group of (4 ) that has me intrigued in D6. Dark Knights, Celino Sewer Rats, Tight End Zones and The McKenzie Agency have all shown flashed of brilliance and also have had dreadful moments. I have a feeling one of these 4 teams could do some damage in this playoff and surprise some people. I still am onto sure which one of the 4 it will be though….

-Just we all are clear on sub procedures moving forward:

Please go to the rule book pages 2/3 Rules 5-7. There it will tell you what girls are allowed to sub in each division. If you need a sub you must email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. before Friday at 10AM for that week’s game ONLY. You may choose anyone you wish before Friday at 10am as long as you follow the rules on divisions. Please note one girl is not allowed to sub anymore and (3) D2 girls may not sub in D1 but if you have questions on specifics email us and we will tell you who they are.  For example if you are a team in D2 you may only choose a girl in D2-D6 to be your sub. If you are a team in D3 you may only use a sub that is a girl on a D3-D6 team. If you are a team in D6 you may only choose a girl sub from division D3-D6. Once you send us an email will respond promptly in writing that your request has been accepted. If someone beats you to the sub it will be rejected and you will have to re-submit. If Friday at 10am passes you may only choose a girl on our USL only. USL subs do not have to be formally requested via email. We ask as a courteosy you tell us but you don’t have to. You must also submit in writing all guy subs and B Club subs. To be clear do not email, call or text Topper if you do this we will reject your request . You must email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. only. If you use the “Topper told me it’s OK” excuse we will still suspend you so please don’t waste our time and please follow the rules as they are written.

5 Questions for Saturday

1. OK now what? Jeff Easton is done like dinner and what is Bullet Club to do? Looks like we get to find out this Saturday.

2.  So was 3^rd and Schlong a by-product of an early season schedule or did they just have a bad day at the office? Rumors are swirling Kyle Coniff figured out the key to stopping the Keller Nation. Stop Katie Stop 3AS…..BTW we will get our answer at 2:00 as HK4 will be one tough test.

3.  So who will be throwing for New Gods this week Good Ricky or Bad Ricky? Fasten your seat belts boys and girls as anything is possible. I’m beginning to think Ricky is stuck in the matrix.  I really think Rameer should put on a trench coat, throw on some shades and go all Morpheus as may be the only one that can save him.

4. What the heck ever happened to best Bernal? Has this thing died or will the hunt for Red October begin again? Who you got TSL Val, Diana or the other one?

5. Will Stegs and Joe Russell ever get their time with the D1 trophy? It probably never happens but how can’t you cheer for #XTC in D1?

10 Final Thoughts for Saturday

1. The game I have my eye on this week in D6 this week where Practice Squad has at with The Dark Knights. Kenny, Renee and Andy used to be BFF on Dark Knights but one day Kenny and Renee wanted to start their own gig so they started Practice Squad. Things were tough for a year or so but now TPS is on fire. Andy got injured and had to take some time off and the Dark Knights folded. Now Andy is heathy and tearing it up with a new team that is starting to get hot. This game is all about the rivalry. If you like Hatfields and McCoys look no further than this one. This one should be a classic.

2. Great match up brewing in D5 this week between Tommy Hughes Experience and Witter’s. THE is known for their system and their smarts but Witter’s is skippered by Zach Newberry who is easily one of the smartest players in the game today. Newberry will be wise to all the THE smoke and mirror tricks. This game should be good.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

3.  SITE is on fire winners of their last (1) yes (1) game but they could make it two as a wounded Bullet Club comes to town at 11:00 am. SITE is not making the playoffs so this game will be their super bowl. #GARYFORTSLANDD3MVP

4. I thought this week’s Podcast was great and moved quickly. I have to be honest I so want to hand Joey Batts another TSL MVP trophy just so we assure Matty Ice attends the banquet and gives Joey Batts the “rock bottom.”

5. I can’t help but think that all the issues in this league started right about the time we lost B’s Brother as he has not attended football once this season. I almost wonder if we should make him a player/league ambassador and with his help maybe we can make this league better for everyone. It’s funny that man’s dedication to not working is almost legendary. I mean he turned down a date with a hot blonde so he could sit on his couch and do nothing all day. That is dedication man…..

6. Puckett All Stars continue to slowly gain respect each and every week. Ladies and Gentlemen this is how it’s done. They took D5, then they took D4 now they are in D3 and they deserve to be there as they sit at 3-3. They haven’t juiced their roster like some teams, they aren’t selling their souls for a title. They are bringing the same team out week after week and getting better  ”together as a team.” Kudos to you Puckett All Stars.

7. I can’t help but think N W O is walking into a trap this week with the Replacements. TR usually get cooking as the season progresses. N W O is 3-3 but they have not looked good since their ultra-talented alpha female went down. TR is scoring points and has been playing well as of late. If ever there was a chance at the upset….

8.  All eyes will be on Dilly Dilly this week at 11:00am. I am hearing the league is none too happy as they have been involved in some issues the past few weeks and will have a watchful eye on   them this week and the rest of the season. As for their game 5-1 Dilly Dilly has at it with 5-1 Practice Squad. Looks like the battle for the #1 seed is upon us…

9. Don’t worry Joey Batts no more “guilting of team captains” will be allowed the rest of the season. Last week poor Joey Batts was guilted into letting his opponent have 2 illegal subs as “Taylor Procrastinerksi” struck again.  Even though half the league already knew Shari was in Canada on like Wednesday the Purge as always waited until the last minute. Kudos to Joey Batts however as he once again proved without a shadow of a doubt that he is our MVP both on and off the field. Joey Batts is a leader among men, an inspiration for all to follow. When other captains would have snickered and said NO Joey Batts stood tall and did what he in his heart and soul thought was right. I for one commend this humanitarian and feel I am a better person for writing this and I know you are now better people for reading this.  

10. If I had to pick breakfast club games I would say…Peanut Butter Kelly Time 31 Poppin Mollies 20. Chef Curry 31 Val’s Pals 28. Angry Tailors 30 Taminators 27.

#DON’TBLOWIT

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