• Print
• Email

 

"Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it." – George S. Halas

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  We're 156 combined games into the season with 78 left to go, and by now we've got a pretty good sense of who's the BEST of the BEST, and who's... well, not in our Power Rankings.  This week we're going to look at the following:

• The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 25 in the League
• Division by Division Point Differential Analysis - Separating favorites from contenders to pretenders
• Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Five TSL QB Power Rankings:

 

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 35-1, beat Why So Serious 40-23, beat Wolfpack 35-32 (subbing for The Angels)

 

Bro is now the #1 quarterback in the TSL Power Rankings.  Is this a controversial choice?  Some will say it is, and argue that he STILL hasn't beaten Cole, which is true.  They'll say he has an amazing surrounding cast, an incredible defense, and he's not doing it all by himself.  Of course, those statements are all true of Chris Cole as well.  But it was impossible NOT to rank Bro #1 this week, because he has the complete trifecta right now:  Best record in D1?  Check.  Best offensive points per game in D1, and best offense in the entire TSL excluding gender teams?  Check.  Head to head win over his strongest rival team?  Check.  You can put an asterisk next to that last one if you want - Cole wasn't there this week when TEIM annihilated Public Enemy.  But Bro doesn't have to apologize to anyone.  He beat the team that showed up, smoking the sixth best defense in the League in the process.  He's earned this.

 

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Did Not Play (Public Enemy lost to Tight Ends in Motion 35-1)

 

The only thing that can defeat Cole in the Power Rankings apparently is his own absence.  He loses the top spot after a near record 8 consecutive weeks at #1.  The record he was chasing was of course his own, from when he once held the #1 ranking for 10 consecutive weeks.  Hell of a run, and what a bullshit way for this one to end, as he STILL hasn't lost a game this season.  Many will still consider him "the best" until Bro can beat him him head-to-head.  That's fair.  There's a ladder match coming up on June 5th though that pits the #1 seed against the #2 seed, so both top QBs will have a chance to definitively stake their claim as king of the mountain by winning that game.  Until then, Cole sits at #2.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 36-26

 

In the first upset in an otherwise boring and predictable D1 this year, Eyes Downtown dropped a shocker to "second tier D1 team" the Sticky Bandits.  Although he didn't have his full complement of players, it was still surprising to most viewers to see Bobby lose a game to a team NOT called Public Enemy or Tight Ends in Motion.  A regular season loss by itself may not mean anything for Eyes Downtown as a team - Bobby is still one of the absolute best there is, and they're still capable of beating any team in the League on any given week.  But only two teams will get a first round bye in the D1 playoffs, and by losing to a team they're not "supposed" to lose to, Eyes Downtown may have just lost the inside track on one of those byes.  Bobby drops a spot in the Rankings but is still clearly a Top Three QB in the League (for now).

 

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No QB action from the Peachy Platoon star this week, although according to the Sentinel he played a big part in beating the QB ranked directly above him in the Eyes Downtown/Sticky Bandits game as a receiver.  Dean stays at #4 this week, but he's not out of reach of the "Big Three" if he continues his strong performance for the last few weeks of the season.

 

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 44-36, beat Not So Sticky 44-41, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 35-1 (subbing for Public Enemy)

 

No Mountain Dew Me game this week, but Joey continues to guide Cunning Stunts to an undefeated record and the highest scoring offense in the TSL (the ONLY offense better than #1 ranked Bro Kleckler).  Tough to say how his subbing performance for Public Enemy should affect his ranking this week.  We tend to think subbing is harder than usual games, as the QB isn't as familiar with his receivers, so maybe getting shut out on offense is attributable more to lack of chemistry with Public Enemy than any poor performance on his part.  On the flip side, this is one of the best rosters in the TSL in recent memory, and Joey guided them to zero offensive points, so couldn't you kind of hold that against him?  Well, we don't.  He stays at the #5 rank this week.

 

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 36-26

 

That was unexpected.  After scoring a combined 6 points in the first two weeks of the season, the Sticky Bandits have won a forfeit game, won their first "real" game against a D1 opponent, and then beat a D1 powerhouse in Eyes Downtown this week.  Their 3.0 points per game was dead last in the League (by a lot) those first couple weeks; their 45.0 PPG the last two weeks would make them the #1 offense in the League (if we conveniently ignored those first two weeks).  Seems like their slow start is behind them.  Any time you can outduel Bobby McConnell it's going to improve your stock in the Power Rankings, and Mike jumps from 10th to 6th with the biggest win of his QB career.  Do the Sticky Bandits have the legs to make some noise in the D1 playoffs?  Stats and conventional wisdom would suggest no, but we've been wrong about these guys before.

 

#7 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 39-16

 

Sloppy Seconds' win was hardly unexpected, as they've generally been competitive in games this year (and Why So Serious has been an attendance mess) but it's good to see Buchlis and his new crew of teammates pick up that first W of the season, and in dominating fashion.  Sloppy Seconds are currently fourth in D1 points per game, but they're less than a point behind Public Enemy for third (and don't give us "Cole wasn't there this week" - Buchlis is seemingly picking up new subs off the street every week for his team).  If they can get their full crew together in time for playoffs, they can be a very dangerous team.

 

#8 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 22-20 (Losing Streak), lost to Graves Bros 51-34   

 

A 22-20 win over Scared Hitless isn't exactly the "statement week" that Jordan had previously, but a win's a win we suppose.  Losing Streak now has a winning record in the TSL's most exciting division, and they still hold the best offense in the division at 36.4 PPG (although the gap between them and the second best team shrank considerably this week).  We don't typically "reward" a QB in our Rankings for a modest win over a struggling opponent, but several other top QBs lost this week (or got injured) and Jordan didn't, so hey, he slides into the #8 spot this week.  

 

#9 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 46-40

 

Having Dubey outside of the Top Ten never felt right.  Fortunately XTC's 46-40 win over When Dove Cries pushes Dubey back where he belongs, as the suddenly competitive team is back to a .500 record and now boasts the second highest scoring offense in D2.  Should we hold it against Dubey that he missed one of XTC's two games this week and they still won handily with another QB under center?  Nah.  He's one of the most respected quarterbacks in the game, and XTC will always be better when Dubey is guiding the offense.

 

#10 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 38-19, beat All We Do is Quinn 40-14

 

From Tater Tots to the Top Ten (alliteration is fun!) Dylan's rise to glory has been swift and exciting.  TopShot is the only undefeated team left in D3 after humbling Quinn and the Untouchaballs, and Dylan is passing for 37.6 PPG (sixth in the TSL).  Was he always this good when he played in D6, or is he just reaping the benefits of Blase's roster stacking?  Either way, TopShot has emerged as the new team to beat in D3 and as long as they stay healthy and hungry it'll be hard for anyone to stop them in the playoffs.  We say it every session, and we'll say it again: if you want to climb the QB Power Rankings, try your luck in a higher division.  Dylan is a perfect example of a talented QB who is finally getting his due as he plays against better competition.

 

#11 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Kind of bullshit to see Garrett drop three spots just for taking the week off, as Frodo Swaggins is still undefeated when he plays.  But his fall this week is more because of what Dubey, Thomas, Buchlis and Dylan did than anything Garrett did wrong.  He'll be back, he'll win games, and he'll push himself back into the Top Ten, we have no doubt.

 

#12 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 44-10 (A&A), beat Bullet Club 40-32 (subbing for XTD)

 

The biggest single week rise in the Power Rankings this season belongs to Travis, who jumps from 23rd to 12th this week.  There are really two reasons for that: 1) with Matty now on the injured reserve, it SEEMS like Travis will be the man for A&A for at least the rest of the regular season, and so far the results are encouraging.  A&A destroyed Bullet Club 44-10, so the drop-off from losing an all-time great like Matty to Travis doesn't appear to as big as the rest of D2 probably hoped.  2) Travis was ALWAYS better than 23rd if we're being honest, but we had a hard time justifying ranking him above QBs that played in higher divisions.  Now we don't have that issue anymore.  He's also undefeated in Breakfast Club, if anyone's keeping track.

 

#13 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 40-32, lost to A&A 44-10

 

Tough week for the gunslinger from Bullet Club.  After beating the two teams with the worst records in D2 the first couple weeks of the season, Scotty has since gone 0-4 against better teams, and seen Bullet Club slide to 8th in the division in both the standings AND offensive PPG. We think they'll probably still make the playoffs... but that isn't a lock anymore.  Bullet Club needs a win this week against Losing Streak to stop their... slide (we told you we wouldn't do any more "losing streak" puns, and so far we've kept our word) but that's going to be a tough game and Scotty's going to need to play his best to give the Club a shot.

 

#14 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 46-40, beat Slytherin 36-22 (When Dove Cries), lost to Cobblestone 32-8, lost to Practice Squad 40-24 (TOX)

 

Maybe Topper's getting too old to play four games in a day anymore.  He beat Slytherin, lost with a very respectable 40 points against XTC, and got beat by Practice Squad.  None of this matters though, as Topper clearly only cared about his rivalry game with Darryl, which did NOT go well for TOX.  At 1-5 TOX seems likely to hold on to the last playoff spot in D4 (Woodpeckers and Not So Sticky aren't catching anyone, as both teams only victories this season strangely enough come against D6 teams) but they can't be feeling too confident right now.  When Dove Cries has fared much better, and Topper has already clinched a non-losing season in D2.  Topper clings to the 14th spot in our Power Rankings on the back of their 4-2-1 record.  Hey, he has a better record than Bullet Club AND more offensive PPG.  Why isn't Topper ahead of Scotty?

 

#15 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Passed Our Prime 43-21, lost to When Dove Cries 36-22

 

Newman must have read our article last week about his "always scoring between 30-31 PPG" and vowed to prove us wrong... by scoring only 21 and 22 in losing efforts to Passed Our Prime and When Dove Cries this week.  What's wrong with Slytherin right now?  These guys have been a great team the past couple of years, and now they're 2-4 and losing to previously winless teams.  Are they missing people?  Injuries?  Old age?  We would love to know.  Newman falls one spot in the Power Rankings this week as he looks to right the ship next week against XTC.

 

#16 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 40-14

 

This isn't the AWDIQ we know and love.  Team Quinn gets destroyed by the new D3 darlings TopShot as they fall to 2-2 on the season.  How is a Vince led team only fourth in their division in scoring?  We'll copy/paste the Slytherin commentary from above: "Are they missing people?  Injuries?  Old age?  We would love to know"  We always imagined they'd claw their way up to D2 eventually, but that looks less and less likely at this point in the season.  We're still rooting for them, but it's hard to imagine them beating the top D3 teams right now.

   

#17 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin that end zone 43-21

 

Passed Our Prime was long overdue for a win.  Do other teams in D2 realize that Olsen has been scoring 33.6 PPG, good for third in the division?? Offense has never been the problem, as Passed Our Prime has the single worst defense in the entire TSL by a whopping 7.4 PPG.  We sound like a broken record, but this is a different team when people actually show up, and Olsen is capable of keeping them in any game when he has even a halfway decent roster present.  He rises to 17th in the Power Rankings this week, and still has a very realistic chance to crack the Top Ten this season if he can finish it up with a few more wins.

 

#18 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No action for Buffalo Vice this week.  Andy drops a spot as Olsen surges past him.

 

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 33-23, beat TOX 40-24

 

Poor B wins two games, including one against a QB ranked higher than him, and gets rewarded by DROPPING a spot in the Power Rankings.  Fair?  Not really, but what can we do?  Andy is scoring almost a TD per game more than B in the same division, and both teams have one loss (B's comes head-to-head against Andy too).  Who would you have us rank B above right now?  The Power Rankings are more stacked than ever with top level QBs.  It's hard enough to crack this list, let alone climb above most of the legends included here.  We imagine Practice Squad probably cares more about their spot in the standings (they're one of only a few real contenders for the D4 title) than they do about the disrespect we show their QB in these Rankings.

 

#20 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Joe Miano gets the week off, drops a spot in the Rankings.  That'll teach HIM to have a bye week.

 

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 22-20

 

Losing by two points isn't a terrible week, and we aren't dropping Dylan too far in the Power Rankings for Scared Hitless's performance this week.  They remain last in their division in offensive PPG though, despite having some of the most talented female receivers in the game.  Three of Hitless's five losses this season have been by a single score - They're not THAT far away from contending, they just to have figure out a way to get about 10% better.  The pressure in these situations usually seems to fall on the QB (fairly or not) so Dylan's going to have a tall task ahead of him this week when Scared Hitless takes on Peachy Platoon.

 

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat University Wealth Management 34-14

 

There are no teams really running away with D5 this session, so why not the Interdimensional Lightning Falcons?  Dave Baker guided his young team to another win this week keeping ILF right in the thick of the playoff race.  Other than their one encounter with Zack Attack's ridiculous defense, Baker has scored 33, 34, 40, 42 and 46 points in his other five outings this year.  These guys can play, and Dave has the athleticism and the football genius to give them a shot against anyone. Dave rises two spots in the Power Rankings this week as Puckett All Stars (Topper's betting favorite to win D5) are up next for ILF.

 

#23 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 42-8

 

Coach Jay had led Wasted Potential to 30+ points every game this session... until a 42-8 thrashing at the hands of Puckett All-Stars.  That came out of nowhere.  We don't know if Wasted Potential were playing with a full roster this week, but the loss drops them to 3-3 and fifth place in the division.  If anyone can make the adjustments needed to come back from a loss like this, it's the Coach.

 

#24 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 30-0, beat TOX 32-8, lost to Cunning Stunts 44-36

 

Rivalry game massacre vs Topper, check.  Shutout massacre vs Woodpeckers, check.  Upset win vs Cunning Stunts... okay, two out of three isn't bad.  Darryl Carr makes his Spring 2021 TSL QB Rankings debut this week (we should have had him on here from Week One) with a strong performance in his triple header.   Cobblestone has moved up a division and they're already back at a .500 record.  These guys invincible and nothing can kill them.  Like cockroaches, but with way better hair.

 

#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for Itches and Ohs this week.  Steve stays at the 25th spot this week.

 

***

 

Division by Division Point Differential Analysis

 

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  The most efficient way to look at the WHOLE picture of team performance (strength of schedule and attendance quirks aside) is average point differential per game.  In other words, by how many points are you winning (or losing) games by on average?

 

Using this data, we're going to assign each team into one of the following categories:

 

1) Favorites - there can be more than one "favorite" in a division, but these are teams that no one would really be surprised if they won their division championship.  So Eyes Downtown for example might not be THE favorite to win D1, but they are certainly ONE of the favorites.

2) Contenders - these are teams that have the potential to surprise the TSL Universe and win some playoff games... but it's hard to imagine them actually winning three in a row to take home a championship

3) Pretenders - these are teams that we would be shocked to see win the championship, much less make it to a championship game.

 

What's interesting is that when we've done this in years past, we've noticed that there's sort of a natural cut-off in the graphs, and that teams with 6.0+ average point differentials tend to be favorites, and teams with -6.0 or less average point differentials tend to fall into the pretenders category.  We don't ALWAYS find that to be the case, but generally speaking the rule of thumb kind of works, so that's how we're going to label them on our graphs below (with our own biased commentary on whether we agree or disagree with the classifications for each division).  

 

Green is "favorite", yellow is "contender", and red is "pretender".  Enjoy!

 

 

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Exactly accurate for D1. Three favorites, one "contender" that's slightly better than the rest (we've removed Sticky Bandits' 21-0 forfeit win from the stats above; their average point differential is positive if that is included), and two that will struggle to beat the top teams in the division.

 

 

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Mountain Dew Me is a one loss team - we imagined they would be in the "favorites" class, but the chart suggests they might not be top tier.  We don't believe it.  Otherwise this looks about right to us.  Worth noting, if you strip out Losing Streak's 55 point win against short handed Passed Our Prime, they would go from "favorites" to a negative point differential.  But strip out ANY team's biggest win and it probably changes which grouping they fall under, so we're fine with leaving them as is.

 

 

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Yup.  One big favorite, a handful of contenders (Untouchaballs slightly surprising to us, but okay) and a couple teams that don't have much of a shot.  

 

 

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Five alleged "favorites" makes D4 one of the hardest divisions to predict this season.  Cobblestone and Jabronies look a bit inflated to us as "favorites" - both teams have lost all their games against other favorites, and all of their wins (including some stat skewing blowouts) come against the four teams with negative point differentials, so we tend to think they're more "contenders" than "favorites".  Not So Sticky and Woodpeckers are correctly NOT in the "contender" class.

 

 

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Maybe Topper is right about Puckett All-Stars.  The point differentials say they're the only favorite in D5, followed by six contenders (and one Keller team).  Not sure we would agree with that.  Zack Attack by the way is UNDEFEATED so crazy how they're not the favorites (they keep winning close ones... good for the standings, bad for their math).  We would have thought Breast Friends, Zack Attack and ILF would all be "favorites", but maybe not.  This is a pretty wide open division too.  Unless, of course, you're University Wealth Management.

 

 

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Yes, exactly right.  The Tots vs Spinelli's Plumbing SHOULD be your D6 finals.  TMA, Travis Henry's Kids, Graves Bros, BiPolar and Blitzkrieg are good enough to ruin that and crash the Finals (TMA in particular has handed the two "favorites" their only two losses on the season!), but the other three teams don't look ready to make a run yet.

 

**

 

Final Observations

 

• There were five undefeated teams last week, and two of them lost this week.  Your three remaining undefeated juggernauts are: TopShot (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D1, D2 or D6.
• There were five winless teams last week, and two of them won last week.  Your three remaining winless teams are: Why So Serious? (D1), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D2, D3 or D4.
• With Public Enemy's 35-1 loss to Tight Ends in Motion this week, there are no longer ANY undefeated streaks stretching back to last season.  The longest winning streak in the League NOW belongs to four different teams who are tied at 5 games apiece: TopShot, Zack Attack and Cunning Stunts (who are all 5-0) and also Practice Squad (who lost their first game of the season, and have won five in a row since).
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (7 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (14 games, dating back to last Fall).

 

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you demand actual Passer Ratings for each QB?  you wish we had the balls to show a Receivers Power Ranking?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

• Prev
• Next