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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, as you prepare yourselves for battle this weekend upon the hallowed grounds at the Rose Garden, I have one simple request for you:

 

Help Topper and Lenny’s friend Kathy.

 

You see, Topper asked me to mention that Kathy is helping with the “Stand Down” event to assist Veterans. In fact, to make this easier to explain, here is what Topper sent me for information on the event:

 

“On behalf of the Veterans One-stop Center of WNY, for the next two Saturdays we will be collecting items at the fields.  If you can please help out and pass this along to your teammates, it would be great for the TSL to come through in a big way for them.

 

Here is list of items that we could use for the Stand Down event. It is the 20th anniversary of the event in Buffalo and it is a resource event for veterans that are homeless or at risk of homelessness. It is open to all veterans though, because they’re great resources for all to know. If you wanted to do a collection at football that would be awesome, we’d greatly appreciate it. All of the items will still need to be in packaging.

 

We are in need of the following:

  Socks

  Underwear- all sizes

  Soap

  Shampoo

  Toothbrushes/Toothpaste

  Blankets”

 

In other words, Let’s get donating and really show a big friend of the TSL some love in her efforts for a really good cause. Kathy has graciously donated her time again and again to being Topper’s wedding date recently, so she’s really earned the TSL’s help here as she’s “jumped on the grenade” more than once for all of us. If that wasn’t enough to show you that she’s family, she also used to work for Lenny, and one time wore a Lobster costume for him and sang “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?” at his birthday request.

 

I truly can not believe I just typed that sentence out, but here we are. The point is, she’s earned her TSL stripes over the years, so if we can give back to a good cause for her, we should. Please share this with your team chats and see what you can do, if anything. If you don’t donate that’s okay too, it isn’t a prerequisite, but if you don’t you’ll be silently judged by the masses. Then again, that was probably happening anyway.

 

Let’s show the community why the TSL is the greatest football family in the world.

 

Anyway, with that said, let’s talk some football.

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Losing Streak 32, Tight Ends In Motion 26

 

              Really dynamite stuff out of D1 last weekend, as Slob Kabombs bailed on their rematch with Public Enemy early Saturday morning. But the one matchup we did have was quite exciting, sort of. TEIM decided to put the schedule requests into the hands of known Potted Plant Assaulter Eric Kleckler who, instead of asking for the exact day of Bro’s wedding off, he just asked for “Week 1” off. You can see where this is going. A decent chunk of TEIM couldn’t be at the fields. They went up 26-0, but Losing Streak figured them out and got the big comeback win. Good for LS, who sit at 1-1 on the season. They lost a game they should’ve had when they were shorthanded, and got one when their opponents were. They fit in just fine here.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Slob Kabombs (+13) – Assuming we don’t get another forfeit, TEIM should get their shot to wipe the floor with Slob Kabombs this week. You know they’re already going to be annoyed that they’re 0-1, so they’re going to make up for that this week with a big win. TIGHT ENDS BY 20

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits (+6) – Hey look! It’s Sticky Bandits, finally. Sticky Nation returns after properly requesting off for a teammate’s wedding to finally play their first game of the season. And what a game to return to. When we last saw these two teams on the field together, Mike Thomas was throwing a game winning TD to Dean Thompson in the semi-finals. Only, he wasn’t. He was sacked, allegedly, and TEIM would go on to win it all. Like they will here. TIGHT ENDS BY 8

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

A&A 39, When Dove Cries 30

A&A 41, XTC 38

The Notorious BNB 42, Passed Our Prime 39

 

              A&A beat two QBs who are a combined 352 years old last week to move on to a 3-0 record, tops in the division. They’re currently the #1 ranked team in the TSL according to the very mysterious “Topper Metrics” in the standings, but rightfully so. Meanwhile, The Notorious BNB is essentially a low-end D1 team hiding out in D2, and they stole a win from Passed Our Prime on a rather controversial call.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

When Dove Cries vs Bullet Club (+7) – The Topper vs Joe K rivalry has been going on for quite sometime now. I have to assume they have alcohol on the line. Right now though, I feel like WDC currently has the edge on Bullet Club, who may just be a D3 team hiding in D2. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 12

 

The Notorious BNB vs Top Shot (+7) – Top Shot attempted to go to D1, but eventually dropped to D2 when Chris Nelson broke up with them. BNB, as we said, is essentially a D1 team. So if Top Shot is looking to see how they measure up in D1, this is a good start. I’m already certain that this will be some dumb Dark Blue vs Black shirts matchup where nobody is smart enough to wear white. All jokes aside, this is a good measuring stick matchup. THE NOTORIOUS BNB BY 3

 

Scared Hitless vs XTC (+1) – Scared Hitless is off to a better start in D2 than they were last year, and now they get to play the “haven’t won a game since we added Joey Batts because he’s secretly trash” XTC. XTC is 0-2, but they’ve lost both games by a combined 4 points. They’re very close to being 2-0 and flipping the narrative. XTC BY 6

 

When Dove Cries vs Scared Hitless (+7) – These two teams are very similar. They both have great females and suspect QBs. It’ll come down to which group of guys are better, and right now I think it’s the team wearing orange. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 7

 

Top Shot vs XTC (+4) – The second game for both teams as we have a lot of D2 action this weekend. XTC is smart, but the truth is Sean for Top Shot is a superstar. Dylan isn’t. Yet. This guy will win QB of the Year multiple times in his career. Watch. Give me the younger team with the best player on the field in the second game of the day. TOP SHOT BY 9

 

Passed Our Prime vs Bullet Club (+6) – Another D2 team with a double header as Bullet Club also goes up against Passed Our Prime this weekend. POP can score, that’s for sure. They struggle with defense though. Anyone who has seen Bullet Club for the last decade knows you can describe them the same way. This could be a really fun shootout. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 9

 

A&A vs Passed Our Prime (+7) – POP gets their real test in A&A, who are the cream of the crop currently. I’m looking forward to this game, assuming both squads are at full strength. This could be a fun one. A&A BY 5

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Grey Hair 20, The Angels 17

The Untouchaballs 36, Show Me Dem TDs 8

Last Dance 48, Cobblestone 6

Show Me Dem TDs 32, Super Freaks 21

Cobblestone 30, The Untouchaballs 6

4th and Dong 38, Super Freaks 30

 

              Grey Hair continued their dominance over The Angels who lose a close one again. Meanwhile, Cobblestone lost 48-6 but then beat Untouchaballs 30-6, after Untouchaballs beat SMDTDs 36-8, who would then beat Super Freaks 32-21. My point is that D3 is a blender of ridiculousness that is must see TV since anyone can beat anyone on any given Saturday.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Last Dance vs The Angels (+7) – If there’s one thing the girls want less in this world than having to wake up for a early game, its to hear JZ screaming at 10:02am. That alone is motivation for them to remind the TSL just who run the world. Girls. THE ANGELS BY 12

 

Frodo Swaggins vs The Untouchaballs (+6) – Garrett drops back down to play QB in D3 where he belongs, after a 72 interception performance in D1 last week. Frodo is weirdly just 0-0-1 this season. Do they have an answer for Jeremy Burr, Melanie Linsmair and the “look out because we’ve arrived except for that last game just ignore that” Untouchaballs? Yes. Yes they do. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 19

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Super Freaks (+10) – The Super Freaks when 0-2 last weekend but they were in both games. Ralph Finney might not be a QB, but he’s too smart at this game to not figure it out fast. I think they’re going to be a very tough out as the season goes on. Grey Hair is just par for the course right now. 2-0, cruising along. They know what they need to be doing, and they do it. Like they will here. GREY HAIR BY 8

 

Freeballers vs Show Me Dem TDs (+10) – One of my esteemed informants gave me some information that Freeballers are moving away from George Lombardo at QB and going with Dylan Jaloza instead. It’s a great move when you consider Dylan is a better QB anyway, but George hasn’t been too shabby either. I mean, they did win D4 with him. I’m not entirely sure why, but it seems its work related. I’m still not sure what SMDTDs is yet. This is a good test for them. FREEBALLERS BY 11

 

Cobblestone vs 4th And Dong (+20) – It’s the summer of Darryl. 4th and Dong are nice people, but Cobblestone is clearly America’s team, and Darryl is looking to drop 37 points in the first half alone on 4th and Dong.*

 

*-this preview was sponsored by and paid for Darryl Carr, QB Superstar.

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Cunning Stunts 34, Puckett All-Stars 22

Buffalo Vice 20, Zack Attack 14

Zack Attack 20, Puckett All-Stars 14

Itches and Ohs 51, Practice Squad 38

Gucci 26, Today’s Feast 22

Itches and Ohs 36, Breast Friends 35

Practice Squad 46, Breast Friends 35

 

              The Puckett All-Stars are in the middle of realizing that when you pick up All We Do Is Quinn players, you get their ability to lose in the regular season as well as they go 0-2 this past week. Zack Attack gets their first win in D4, a 20-14 tilt over Puckett after losing to Buffalo Vice by the same score earlier in the day. Eventually, the TSL is going to have to admit Steve Moser is good at football whether they like him or not. He took two more wins home, and has Itches and Ohs sitting as the #2 team according to Topper Metrics. Breast Friends had a tough day at the office, but I’m pretty sure Travis Cleavenger-Bernal was exhausted by the end of his 4th game in the brutal heat. Gucci takes home their first win in the TSL, giving Today’s Feast their first TSL loss as well. A lot of fun firsts!

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Today’s Feast vs Vaspian (+7) – I’m not sure if TF is the baller team from Week 1 or the team that lost in Week 2. They take on a veteran Vaspian squad that is still finding itself. Good times are ahead for Vaspian. VASPIAN BY 8

 

Cunning Stunts vs Today’s Feast (+8) – Things don’t get easier for TF as they’re thrown into the fire that is the Cunning Stunts. They’re just a great gender team led by a tiny QB with a big mouth. These girls know how to play, don’t underestimate them. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12

 

Practice Squad vs Puckett All-Stars (+3) – Two 1-2 teams who really could use this victory for tiebreaker purposes. Both teams are off to shaky starts, and they’re kind of in the same position, except that PS might have the worst defense in the league right now. They’ve allowed a ridiculous 44 points a game, which is just a trend that I can’t imagine continuing. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8

 

Zack Attack vs Breast Friends (+3) – The two best teams from D5 face off in a D4 matchup this season. BFs got off to a rough start last week, but that shouldn’t be the norm. As for the Attack, they’re getting better every week. The defense is still very good, even if it isn’t as great as its been. This should be a fun one. ZACK ATTACK BY 2

 

Zack Attack vs Titsburgh Feelers (+10) – The only data we have on the Feelers is that they got their shit kicked in in their first game ever by Today’s Feast who may not even be that good. That doesn’t bode well for the newbies. Zack should roll in this one. ZACK ATTACK BY 16

 

Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice (+1) – I really hope Seth shows up so we can have the 58-55 final this game deserves. It’s going to be high scoring, and it’s going to be exciting. These are two of my favorite teams and yes, this is a D4 championship game preview. ME. I AM THE WINNER HERE. ALSO BUFFALO VICE BY 1.

 

Falconies vs Titsburgh Feelers (+6) – I’m not 100% sure who either team really is yet. But I do know that Joe Miano is a star who is wasting his talents in D4. This should be his “secondary” team. FALCONIES BY 10

 

Cunning Stunts vs Gucci (+8) – If the rumors are true, and we have Gucci rocking their female QB, then this is everything we’ve ever wanted. A fantastic gender team vs a gender QB who could also be fantastic, I mean, we don’t know. Historically, co-ed teams try to get gender TDs to keep up with the girls teams. But what if you just get one star QB female? Let’s find out. CUNNING STUNTS BY 2

 

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

716 41, TOX 31

Not So Sticky 20, Wasted Potential 14

Lettuce Win 28, Come From Behind 16

 

               Perhaps the demise of TOX was a little overblown, as they hung in there with 716 before ultimately falling. Not So Sticky accidentally beat Wasted Potential, which just means they weren’t drunk enough. And Lettuce Win took a victory from CFB, who were making their TSL return!

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Wasted Potential vs Lettuce Win (+1) – I still need more data points on Lettuce Win to really give them the edge over a team in WP that I know can play very, very well when they want to. You know, when they play to their potential. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 8

 

Wasted Potential vs Come From Behind (+3) – CFB is a veteran team that knows what they’re supposed to be doing, even if they don’t execute it properly every time. But they’re smart, and that can’t be understated. WP not having Big Brain Coach Jay behind center brings them down a notch. And I’ll take brain power over athletes any day. COME FROM BEHIND BY 8

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs TOX (+8) – Spinelli’s is looking for their first win in D5, and TOX is a team that more than likely will give it to them. I know, I just said that perhaps they’re better than we thought, but Spinelli’s put on a clinic in D6 last season, and their girls are just much better than TOX’s. Look for Katie Swanson and Chelsea Lapore to just take over the game here at some point. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 8

 

WoodPeckers vs TOX (EVEN) – The Woodpeckers make their triumphant return to the TSL in the division they should’ve been in this whole time! Joe B has consistently given everyone in TSL management his updated roster, and currently it seems like none of the names involved have been recently cut by any NFL teams or major wrestling federations. WOODPECKERS BY 2

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Come From Behind (+3) – I don’t know much about CFB in terms of if they’re a “new look” or we’re getting the same, um, classic roster. Spinelli’s is young and hungry, maybe, so I’m going to give this to them. Looking forward to being wrong here. SPINELLI’S BY 7

 

716 vs Not So Sticky (+8) – I don’t know if Not So Sticky is playing for keeps for playing for funsies this season. The Jeff Krol passion project rolls on against a 716 team that’s been impressive so far in D5. If 716 wants to make a name for themselves, winning this one will do that for them. 716 BY 7

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

TMA 25, Blitzkrieg 16

Graves Bros 48, Travis Henry’s Kids 47

 

               TMA continues to roll as the big fish in a small pond took out Blitzkrieg with awesome human being Johnny Dio under center yet again. TMA was at full strength this week and didn’t have much of an issue winning this one. Graves Bros beat THK by a point in a crazy fun game that both teams really needed to get their season on the right track.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Lenny’s Ladies vs Blitzkrieg (+6) – Lenny’s Ladies had an impressive Week 1 win, even though Chris Cole played for them. Joe K should be back at QB this time around with his ladies roster that is very sneaky good. I’ve had 3 different people tell me how Lenny’s has a great roster that nobody realizes is good. Blitzkrieg really isn’t Blitzkrieg this time around as QB Alex isn’t playing and neither is superstar Allie Metzger. This puts other players in positions they may not be used to and they’ll be adjusting. LENNY’S LADIES BY 9

 

TMA vs Blitzkrieg (+9) – We just saw this matchup last week, but in a 6 team division you need to get used to that. TMA shouldn’t have much of an issue getting the same result here, as they looked very good with their full team intact. Teams that are true families always play better together. TMA BY 18

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Are we going to start getting more bets in the league? It seems like the only time we really get some good bar bets is when Breakfast Club is happening. We need more captains calling each other out. Stop being weak.

 

2. Do you want to be a referee? Seriously, the TSL needs a few more people to sign up to referee. Shout out to those that already have stepped up to help the league out.

 

3. How many donations will we get for the veterans? Topper will give the team that donates the most a pizza party. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m sure he’ll be fine with it. I’m excited to hear about how well we do.

 

4. What’s the biggest surprise of the season so far? That gender teams are a combined 3-4 this season, and that Lenny’s Ladies and Victorious Secret have two of those wins.

 

5. What’s the biggest disappointment so far this season? Practice Squad can not be happy with how many points they’re allowing. I’m disappointed in them. Topper told me its Kenny’s fault. I’m not sure I agree.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. After two weeks of way too humid and hot weather, it appears that the weather has chilled out a little bit for you guys in Buffalo. This weekend should be a lot nicer.

 

2. As always, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to get your team its proper publicity. Don’t complain if you don’t talk to me. I actually have some emails to catch up on now that I think about it.

 

3. Did you guys see that “Top Female Receiver Rankings” part in the QB Power Rankings Article? I would’ve loved to have voted in that. I don’t know who the committee is fully made up of, but I have some questions about that. Like, how was Emily Curry not a unanimous top 10 vote getter? Or Margo? This is some nonsense. Melanie Linsmair is good for sure, but it feels like recency bias came into play. My Top 5, in some order, off the top of my head would be Robin Makula, Margo Jablonski, Jaimie Warren, Emily Curry, and Cheryl Julicher. For the record.

 

4. And no, nobody cares about the males for this stuff.

 

5. I think its almost a fair complaint that the “non-Godfather” TSL media has been off lately. The podcast still needs a new intro and its hard to listen to when nobody saw any games. The Sentinel at least got their information right this week. The QB Rankings just had that questionable female receiver list. The point is, you’re welcome everyone for yet again giving you the best social co-ed football media for 10 years running now.

 

6. Joe K emailed me to ask the TSL universe if anyone wants to be in the 3rd annual Leonard T. Alba III Memorial TSL Fantasy Football league. They need a few more players this season. Please see him at the fields if you want in, or if you just want more info.

 

7. Top teams that will fade out during the season: Falconies, Cobblestone, Eyes Downtown

 

8. Bottom teams that will rise up the standings: XTC, The Angels, Breast Friends

 

9. Good teams that will stay good: Top Shot, 716, TMA, Itches and Ohs.

 

10. Bad teams that will stay bad: Super Freaks, Bullet Club, Vaspian

 

 

And that’s going to do it for the article this week. Again, PLEASE tell your teammates about the donation drive for the veterans. I think you can do great things for the community with this! Week 3 is fast approaching, it’s going to be the best week yet. Stay safe out there.

 

-GF

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