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Created: Wednesday, 08 December 2021 20:16

Published: Wednesday, 08 December 2021 20:16

Written by Super User

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Week 3 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

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Created: Friday, 03 September 2021 14:27

Published: Friday, 03 September 2021 14:27

Written by Patrick McGovern

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, as you prepare yourselves for battle this weekend upon the hallowed grounds at the Rose Garden, I have one simple request for you:

Help Topper and Lenny’s friend Kathy.

You see, Topper asked me to mention that Kathy is helping with the “Stand Down” event to assist Veterans. In fact, to make this easier to explain, here is what Topper sent me for information on the event:

“On behalf of the Veterans One-stop Center of WNY, for the next two Saturdays we will be collecting items at the fields.  If you can please help out and pass this along to your teammates, it would be great for the TSL to come through in a big way for them.

Here is list of items that we could use for the Stand Down event. It is the 20th anniversary of the event in Buffalo and it is a resource event for veterans that are homeless or at risk of homelessness. It is open to all veterans though, because they’re great resources for all to know. If you wanted to do a collection at football that would be awesome, we’d greatly appreciate it. All of the items will still need to be in packaging.

We are in need of the following:

•  Socks

•  Underwear- all sizes

•  Soap

•  Shampoo

•  Toothbrushes/Toothpaste

•  Blankets”

In other words, Let’s get donating and really show a big friend of the TSL some love in her efforts for a really good cause. Kathy has graciously donated her time again and again to being Topper’s wedding date recently, so she’s really earned the TSL’s help here as she’s “jumped on the grenade” more than once for all of us. If that wasn’t enough to show you that she’s family, she also used to work for Lenny, and one time wore a Lobster costume for him and sang “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?” at his birthday request.

I truly can not believe I just typed that sentence out, but here we are. The point is, she’s earned her TSL stripes over the years, so if we can give back to a good cause for her, we should. Please share this with your team chats and see what you can do, if anything. If you don’t donate that’s okay too, it isn’t a prerequisite, but if you don’t you’ll be silently judged by the masses. Then again, that was probably happening anyway.

Let’s show the community why the TSL is the greatest football family in the world.

Anyway, with that said, let’s talk some football.

D1:

Last Week’s Games:

Losing Streak 32, Tight Ends In Motion 26

              Really dynamite stuff out of D1 last weekend, as Slob Kabombs bailed on their rematch with Public Enemy early Saturday morning. But the one matchup we did have was quite exciting, sort of. TEIM decided to put the schedule requests into the hands of known Potted Plant Assaulter Eric Kleckler who, instead of asking for the exact day of Bro’s wedding off, he just asked for “Week 1” off. You can see where this is going. A decent chunk of TEIM couldn’t be at the fields. They went up 26-0, but Losing Streak figured them out and got the big comeback win. Good for LS, who sit at 1-1 on the season. They lost a game they should’ve had when they were shorthanded, and got one when their opponents were. They fit in just fine here.

This Week’s Games:

Tight Ends In Motion vs Slob Kabombs (+13) – Assuming we don’t get another forfeit, TEIM should get their shot to wipe the floor with Slob Kabombs this week. You know they’re already going to be annoyed that they’re 0-1, so they’re going to make up for that this week with a big win. TIGHT ENDS BY 20

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits (+6) – Hey look! It’s Sticky Bandits, finally. Sticky Nation returns after properly requesting off for a teammate’s wedding to finally play their first game of the season. And what a game to return to. When we last saw these two teams on the field together, Mike Thomas was throwing a game winning TD to Dean Thompson in the semi-finals. Only, he wasn’t. He was sacked, allegedly, and TEIM would go on to win it all. Like they will here. TIGHT ENDS BY 8

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

A&A 39, When Dove Cries 30

A&A 41, XTC 38

The Notorious BNB 42, Passed Our Prime 39

              A&A beat two QBs who are a combined 352 years old last week to move on to a 3-0 record, tops in the division. They’re currently the #1 ranked team in the TSL according to the very mysterious “Topper Metrics” in the standings, but rightfully so. Meanwhile, The Notorious BNB is essentially a low-end D1 team hiding out in D2, and they stole a win from Passed Our Prime on a rather controversial call.

This Week’s Games:

When Dove Cries vs Bullet Club (+7) – The Topper vs Joe K rivalry has been going on for quite sometime now. I have to assume they have alcohol on the line. Right now though, I feel like WDC currently has the edge on Bullet Club, who may just be a D3 team hiding in D2. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 12

The Notorious BNB vs Top Shot (+7) – Top Shot attempted to go to D1, but eventually dropped to D2 when Chris Nelson broke up with them. BNB, as we said, is essentially a D1 team. So if Top Shot is looking to see how they measure up in D1, this is a good start. I’m already certain that this will be some dumb Dark Blue vs Black shirts matchup where nobody is smart enough to wear white. All jokes aside, this is a good measuring stick matchup. THE NOTORIOUS BNB BY 3

Scared Hitless vs XTC (+1) – Scared Hitless is off to a better start in D2 than they were last year, and now they get to play the “haven’t won a game since we added Joey Batts because he’s secretly trash” XTC. XTC is 0-2, but they’ve lost both games by a combined 4 points. They’re very close to being 2-0 and flipping the narrative. XTC BY 6

When Dove Cries vs Scared Hitless (+7) – These two teams are very similar. They both have great females and suspect QBs. It’ll come down to which group of guys are better, and right now I think it’s the team wearing orange. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 7

Top Shot vs XTC (+4) – The second game for both teams as we have a lot of D2 action this weekend. XTC is smart, but the truth is Sean for Top Shot is a superstar. Dylan isn’t. Yet. This guy will win QB of the Year multiple times in his career. Watch. Give me the younger team with the best player on the field in the second game of the day. TOP SHOT BY 9

Passed Our Prime vs Bullet Club (+6) – Another D2 team with a double header as Bullet Club also goes up against Passed Our Prime this weekend. POP can score, that’s for sure. They struggle with defense though. Anyone who has seen Bullet Club for the last decade knows you can describe them the same way. This could be a really fun shootout. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 9

A&A vs Passed Our Prime (+7) – POP gets their real test in A&A, who are the cream of the crop currently. I’m looking forward to this game, assuming both squads are at full strength. This could be a fun one. A&A BY 5

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

Grey Hair 20, The Angels 17

The Untouchaballs 36, Show Me Dem TDs 8

Last Dance 48, Cobblestone 6

Show Me Dem TDs 32, Super Freaks 21

Cobblestone 30, The Untouchaballs 6

4^th and Dong 38, Super Freaks 30

              Grey Hair continued their dominance over The Angels who lose a close one again. Meanwhile, Cobblestone lost 48-6 but then beat Untouchaballs 30-6, after Untouchaballs beat SMDTDs 36-8, who would then beat Super Freaks 32-21. My point is that D3 is a blender of ridiculousness that is must see TV since anyone can beat anyone on any given Saturday.

This Week’s Games:

Last Dance vs The Angels (+7) – If there’s one thing the girls want less in this world than having to wake up for a early game, its to hear JZ screaming at 10:02am. That alone is motivation for them to remind the TSL just who run the world. Girls. THE ANGELS BY 12

Frodo Swaggins vs The Untouchaballs (+6) – Garrett drops back down to play QB in D3 where he belongs, after a 72 interception performance in D1 last week. Frodo is weirdly just 0-0-1 this season. Do they have an answer for Jeremy Burr, Melanie Linsmair and the “look out because we’ve arrived except for that last game just ignore that” Untouchaballs? Yes. Yes they do. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 19

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Super Freaks (+10) – The Super Freaks when 0-2 last weekend but they were in both games. Ralph Finney might not be a QB, but he’s too smart at this game to not figure it out fast. I think they’re going to be a very tough out as the season goes on. Grey Hair is just par for the course right now. 2-0, cruising along. They know what they need to be doing, and they do it. Like they will here. GREY HAIR BY 8

Freeballers vs Show Me Dem TDs (+10) – One of my esteemed informants gave me some information that Freeballers are moving away from George Lombardo at QB and going with Dylan Jaloza instead. It’s a great move when you consider Dylan is a better QB anyway, but George hasn’t been too shabby either. I mean, they did win D4 with him. I’m not entirely sure why, but it seems its work related. I’m still not sure what SMDTDs is yet. This is a good test for them. FREEBALLERS BY 11

Cobblestone vs 4^th And Dong (+20) – It’s the summer of Darryl. 4^th and Dong are nice people, but Cobblestone is clearly America’s team, and Darryl is looking to drop 37 points in the first half alone on 4^th and Dong.*

*-this preview was sponsored by and paid for Darryl Carr, QB Superstar.

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Cunning Stunts 34, Puckett All-Stars 22

Buffalo Vice 20, Zack Attack 14

Zack Attack 20, Puckett All-Stars 14

Itches and Ohs 51, Practice Squad 38

Gucci 26, Today’s Feast 22

Itches and Ohs 36, Breast Friends 35

Practice Squad 46, Breast Friends 35

              The Puckett All-Stars are in the middle of realizing that when you pick up All We Do Is Quinn players, you get their ability to lose in the regular season as well as they go 0-2 this past week. Zack Attack gets their first win in D4, a 20-14 tilt over Puckett after losing to Buffalo Vice by the same score earlier in the day. Eventually, the TSL is going to have to admit Steve Moser is good at football whether they like him or not. He took two more wins home, and has Itches and Ohs sitting as the #2 team according to Topper Metrics. Breast Friends had a tough day at the office, but I’m pretty sure Travis Cleavenger-Bernal was exhausted by the end of his 4^th game in the brutal heat. Gucci takes home their first win in the TSL, giving Today’s Feast their first TSL loss as well. A lot of fun firsts!

This Week’s Games:

Today’s Feast vs Vaspian (+7) – I’m not sure if TF is the baller team from Week 1 or the team that lost in Week 2. They take on a veteran Vaspian squad that is still finding itself. Good times are ahead for Vaspian. VASPIAN BY 8

Cunning Stunts vs Today’s Feast (+8) – Things don’t get easier for TF as they’re thrown into the fire that is the Cunning Stunts. They’re just a great gender team led by a tiny QB with a big mouth. These girls know how to play, don’t underestimate them. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12

Practice Squad vs Puckett All-Stars (+3) – Two 1-2 teams who really could use this victory for tiebreaker purposes. Both teams are off to shaky starts, and they’re kind of in the same position, except that PS might have the worst defense in the league right now. They’ve allowed a ridiculous 44 points a game, which is just a trend that I can’t imagine continuing. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8

Zack Attack vs Breast Friends (+3) – The two best teams from D5 face off in a D4 matchup this season. BFs got off to a rough start last week, but that shouldn’t be the norm. As for the Attack, they’re getting better every week. The defense is still very good, even if it isn’t as great as its been. This should be a fun one. ZACK ATTACK BY 2

Zack Attack vs Titsburgh Feelers (+10) – The only data we have on the Feelers is that they got their shit kicked in in their first game ever by Today’s Feast who may not even be that good. That doesn’t bode well for the newbies. Zack should roll in this one. ZACK ATTACK BY 16

Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice (+1) – I really hope Seth shows up so we can have the 58-55 final this game deserves. It’s going to be high scoring, and it’s going to be exciting. These are two of my favorite teams and yes, this is a D4 championship game preview. ME. I AM THE WINNER HERE. ALSO BUFFALO VICE BY 1.

Falconies vs Titsburgh Feelers (+6) – I’m not 100% sure who either team really is yet. But I do know that Joe Miano is a star who is wasting his talents in D4. This should be his “secondary” team. FALCONIES BY 10

Cunning Stunts vs Gucci (+8) – If the rumors are true, and we have Gucci rocking their female QB, then this is everything we’ve ever wanted. A fantastic gender team vs a gender QB who could also be fantastic, I mean, we don’t know. Historically, co-ed teams try to get gender TDs to keep up with the girls teams. But what if you just get one star QB female? Let’s find out. CUNNING STUNTS BY 2

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

716 41, TOX 31

Not So Sticky 20, Wasted Potential 14

Lettuce Win 28, Come From Behind 16

               Perhaps the demise of TOX was a little overblown, as they hung in there with 716 before ultimately falling. Not So Sticky accidentally beat Wasted Potential, which just means they weren’t drunk enough. And Lettuce Win took a victory from CFB, who were making their TSL return!

This Week’s Games:

Wasted Potential vs Lettuce Win (+1) – I still need more data points on Lettuce Win to really give them the edge over a team in WP that I know can play very, very well when they want to. You know, when they play to their potential. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 8

Wasted Potential vs Come From Behind (+3) – CFB is a veteran team that knows what they’re supposed to be doing, even if they don’t execute it properly every time. But they’re smart, and that can’t be understated. WP not having Big Brain Coach Jay behind center brings them down a notch. And I’ll take brain power over athletes any day. COME FROM BEHIND BY 8

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs TOX (+8) – Spinelli’s is looking for their first win in D5, and TOX is a team that more than likely will give it to them. I know, I just said that perhaps they’re better than we thought, but Spinelli’s put on a clinic in D6 last season, and their girls are just much better than TOX’s. Look for Katie Swanson and Chelsea Lapore to just take over the game here at some point. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 8

WoodPeckers vs TOX (EVEN) – The Woodpeckers make their triumphant return to the TSL in the division they should’ve been in this whole time! Joe B has consistently given everyone in TSL management his updated roster, and currently it seems like none of the names involved have been recently cut by any NFL teams or major wrestling federations. WOODPECKERS BY 2

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Come From Behind (+3) – I don’t know much about CFB in terms of if they’re a “new look” or we’re getting the same, um, classic roster. Spinelli’s is young and hungry, maybe, so I’m going to give this to them. Looking forward to being wrong here. SPINELLI’S BY 7

716 vs Not So Sticky (+8) – I don’t know if Not So Sticky is playing for keeps for playing for funsies this season. The Jeff Krol passion project rolls on against a 716 team that’s been impressive so far in D5. If 716 wants to make a name for themselves, winning this one will do that for them. 716 BY 7

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

TMA 25, Blitzkrieg 16

Graves Bros 48, Travis Henry’s Kids 47

               TMA continues to roll as the big fish in a small pond took out Blitzkrieg with awesome human being Johnny Dio under center yet again. TMA was at full strength this week and didn’t have much of an issue winning this one. Graves Bros beat THK by a point in a crazy fun game that both teams really needed to get their season on the right track.

This Week’s Games:

Lenny’s Ladies vs Blitzkrieg (+6) – Lenny’s Ladies had an impressive Week 1 win, even though Chris Cole played for them. Joe K should be back at QB this time around with his ladies roster that is very sneaky good. I’ve had 3 different people tell me how Lenny’s has a great roster that nobody realizes is good. Blitzkrieg really isn’t Blitzkrieg this time around as QB Alex isn’t playing and neither is superstar Allie Metzger. This puts other players in positions they may not be used to and they’ll be adjusting. LENNY’S LADIES BY 9

TMA vs Blitzkrieg (+9) – We just saw this matchup last week, but in a 6 team division you need to get used to that. TMA shouldn’t have much of an issue getting the same result here, as they looked very good with their full team intact. Teams that are true families always play better together. TMA BY 18

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Are we going to start getting more bets in the league? It seems like the only time we really get some good bar bets is when Breakfast Club is happening. We need more captains calling each other out. Stop being weak.

2. Do you want to be a referee? Seriously, the TSL needs a few more people to sign up to referee. Shout out to those that already have stepped up to help the league out.

3. How many donations will we get for the veterans? Topper will give the team that donates the most a pizza party. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m sure he’ll be fine with it. I’m excited to hear about how well we do.

4. What’s the biggest surprise of the season so far? That gender teams are a combined 3-4 this season, and that Lenny’s Ladies and Victorious Secret have two of those wins.

5. What’s the biggest disappointment so far this season? Practice Squad can not be happy with how many points they’re allowing. I’m disappointed in them. Topper told me its Kenny’s fault. I’m not sure I agree.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1. After two weeks of way too humid and hot weather, it appears that the weather has chilled out a little bit for you guys in Buffalo. This weekend should be a lot nicer.

2. As always, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to get your team its proper publicity. Don’t complain if you don’t talk to me. I actually have some emails to catch up on now that I think about it.

3. Did you guys see that “Top Female Receiver Rankings” part in the QB Power Rankings Article? I would’ve loved to have voted in that. I don’t know who the committee is fully made up of, but I have some questions about that. Like, how was Emily Curry not a unanimous top 10 vote getter? Or Margo? This is some nonsense. Melanie Linsmair is good for sure, but it feels like recency bias came into play. My Top 5, in some order, off the top of my head would be Robin Makula, Margo Jablonski, Jaimie Warren, Emily Curry, and Cheryl Julicher. For the record.

4. And no, nobody cares about the males for this stuff.

5. I think its almost a fair complaint that the “non-Godfather” TSL media has been off lately. The podcast still needs a new intro and its hard to listen to when nobody saw any games. The Sentinel at least got their information right this week. The QB Rankings just had that questionable female receiver list. The point is, you’re welcome everyone for yet again giving you the best social co-ed football media for 10 years running now.

6. Joe K emailed me to ask the TSL universe if anyone wants to be in the 3^rd annual Leonard T. Alba III Memorial TSL Fantasy Football league. They need a few more players this season. Please see him at the fields if you want in, or if you just want more info.

7. Top teams that will fade out during the season: Falconies, Cobblestone, Eyes Downtown

8. Bottom teams that will rise up the standings: XTC, The Angels, Breast Friends

9. Good teams that will stay good: Top Shot, 716, TMA, Itches and Ohs.

10. Bad teams that will stay bad: Super Freaks, Bullet Club, Vaspian

And that’s going to do it for the article this week. Again, PLEASE tell your teammates about the donation drive for the veterans. I think you can do great things for the community with this! Week 3 is fast approaching, it’s going to be the best week yet. Stay safe out there.

-GF

TSL Business Contacts

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Category: Uncategorised

Created: Sunday, 19 September 2021 12:19

Published: Sunday, 19 September 2021 12:19

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 13413

Real Estate

Landscaping

Plumbing

Spinelli Plumbing 716-239-8073

Payton Spinelli

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Sports Injury & Therapy

Frequently injury occurs and is overlooked. At times it has gone away in the past, but that is not always the case. Chronic, repetitive, and traumatic injuries are common in all levels of football. Below are a few common football injuries.

Physical therapy can be helpful for addressing these injuries. Treatment includes strengthening, form work, strategies to reduce inflammation, and manual therapy. If you are interested in less pain and improving yourself on and off the field contact me, Ellory Roberts for an appointment or find me on the field for a free consultation. Go Bills!

3065 Southwestern Blvd #108

Orchard Park, NY 14127

716-608-6730

https://orchardparkppt.com/  

Final Picks

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Category: Uncategorised

Created: Friday, 23 October 2020 18:03

Published: Friday, 23 October 2020 18:03

Written by Patrick McGovern

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe:

WELCOME TO CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND!

It took a long time to get here, but we know that. We know what we’ve overcome in the #TSL2020 season to get to this point. But it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that we made it, and on October 24^th in the Year of Our Lord 2020, the TSL will crown 6 New Champions. 6 teams will earn their place in history alongside their claim to Social Co-Ed Football Immortality. This one is special. It was unlike any other championship that preceded it, and (hopefully) will be unlike any of the ones that follow.

On this Saturday, the remaining 26 of the TSL’s 44 teams will do battle. All of D1 is still around, so if Gryffindor or Why So Serious? has any hope of winning the D1 title, it’ll take 3 straight wins to do so. Good luck.

And just when I thought this league couldn’t surprise me anymore, it did. The fact that there was only ONE “upset” last week is the most insane thing I’ve ever heard of. I thought Topper was messing with me when he told me on Sunday. That’s right, other than The Untouchaballs’ 21-7 victory over Grey Hair Don’t Care, every single higher seed won this weekend (with the exception of the play-in games, somehow).

That’s incredibly boring, and you all know it. And in the TSL, it feels almost impossible! We usually have a shocker or two that gets the league talking! But NO, not this season. And most of the games weren’t even close. The few that were, were VERY exciting. For example:

Frodo Swaggins 39, Vaspian 38 – Scotty Dro let out an email to TSL brass last weekend, claiming how his team lets him down and he’s looking for a D1 team next year. . . Then he proceeds to not even show up for the playoffs. This resulted in Frodo having to have Garrett play QB, and they had to play 3 guys and 3 girls all game. That’s not ideal, unless you’re Vaspian. Vaspian, fresh off their win over En Fuego in the play-in round, stayed close all game before tying the game with little to no time left on the clock. They ALMOST won the game on the conversion, but failed. This brought us to OVERTIME. Vaspian struck first, scoring a gender TD but failing on the conversion. Frodo went to respond, and finally did, getting a huge gender TD to tie the game. But they were successful on their conversion, giving them a 1 point win.

Uncle Rico’s 37, Freeballers 31 – I’m starting to think that the Freeballers never “all had COVID” but instead proceeded to get some sort of PEDs to get them playing like an actual football team this week. After knocking out the Stunts, they took URTT to the limit. Uncle Rico’s was forced to score with no time left to take this game that you’d have guessed they’d win by 21. Rico’s moved on, but barely.

Slytherin That End Zone 24, Bullet Club 16 – A back and forth, defensive affair is the opposite of how these two teams play each other normally. After taking a quick 15-0 lead, SITE couldn’t do anything after that for most of the game. Bullet Club took a 1 point lead with apparently like 9-10 minutes left. After more back and forth, with SITE down to 5-1 not far from the endzone, Newman found Taylor Pagano for a gender TD with 29 seconds left to secure the win.

Graves Bros 29, The BiPolar Express 24 – Another typical close game between these two teams. Both were considered to be among the division’s best and even if this was a #1 vs #8 seed matchup, you wouldn’t have known it. BPX started coming together at the end of the season, but Graves Bros has been good all year and deserved this one.

But that’s it. FOUR close games. If there were more, its because nobody told me about it. What a boring league. Why do we even bother playing?

Oh, that’s right, because football is awesome.

So who’s going to win the TSL Championships this weekend? Well, Let me tell you:

D1:

Okay, I proceeded to give you all the “Round 1” games and breakdown last week, so if you want to read it, feel free to scroll down a lot to that article and remind yourself. And if you didn’t read it last week? FOR SHAME FOR NOT READING MY ARTICLE. All jokes aside, this is going to be an interesting wrinkle for some of these teams with championship aspirations. For the sake of having something to write, I’m going to use my predicted winners from last week for the matchups here. No offense to Gryffindor or Why So Serious?. Prove me wrong, it’s my favorite.

#1 Public Enemy (7-1) vs #5 Eyes Downtown (3-4)

Points For (Division Rank): PE – 33.38 (2^nd), ED – 28.43 (5^th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): PE – 25.25 (1^st), ED – 33.00 (4^th)

Overall TSL Rank: PE 3^rd, ED 28th

TSLQBPRC Line: Public Enemy (-6)

Past Game(s): Public Enemy 28, Eyes Downtown 18

It’s on. Right? Don’t let the rankings deceive you, Eyes Downtown is a better team than they’ve shown this year. There may have been zero total games they’ve had their full roster, but I believe this week they’ll be at full power. But, how good are they? There’s a lot of new faces over there, including some females that have never played in a TSL playoff game before, much less one that they have to deal with Heather and Cheryl in. I’m giving the edge to Public Enemy for their experience and having continuity this season. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 9

#2 Tight Ends In Motion (5-3) vs #3 Marketing Mayors (4-4)

Points For (Division Rank): TEIM – 38.50 (1^st), MM – 30.29 (4^th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): TEIM – 26.75 (2^nd), MM – 28.00 (3^rd)

Overall TSL Rank: TEIM  14^th, MM 21st

TSLQBPRC Line: Tight Ends In Motion (-3)

Past Game(s): Tight Ends In Motion 29, Marketing Mayors 28

So, what a ride for Tight Ends this season. After an awful start, they’re finding themselves with the hottest offense in the TSL. It’s always a shame to say this, but the injury to Alex has once again become the best thing for them. “Bro” Kleckler came in, along with Robin Makula, and the offense is at a level never before achieved by TEIM. The hottest story in the TSL the last few seasons has been “How good would TEIM be with a better QB?” and now we’re seeing it. As good as the Mayors are, TEIM is just better right now. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 7

The End Result: Public Enemy brings out the best in everyone, but especially Tight Ends. TEIM is going to want this game badly, for obvious reasons, but “at the end of the day” (say that in B’s Brother’s voice please), the champs retain. PE just has a slightly more talented roster, and the best QB of all time. That gives them the edge in what will be an EXCELLENT D1 final. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 2

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

Dilfs 37, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 16

Jabronies 26, Peachy Platoon 18

Sticky Bandits 43, Morning Wood 28

SITE 24, Bullet Club 16

#1 Dilfs (7-2) vs #4 Slytherin That End Zone (5-4)

Points For (Division Rank): Dilfs – 33.63 (3^rd), SITE – 31.11 (4^th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Dilfs – 26.00 (1^st), SITE – 28.89 (3^rd)

Overall TSL Rank: Dilfs 5^th, SITE 18th

TSLQBPRC Line: Dilfs (-9)

Past Game(s): Dilfs 35, SITE 22

The Dilfs have pretty much dominated this division all season. Their only losses have been to Sticky in Week 1 with a lot of players missing and a midseason loss to Jabronies. That’s it. Meanwhile, SITE’s 5 wins are as follows: HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, Morning Wood, a Week 1 win against Jabronies, and two late comeback wins against Bullet Club and Peachy Platoon. Not exactly world beating. The Dilfs are just a little bit better than SITE in everything, except for being younger. I don’t think that comes into play here. DILFS BY 12

#2 Jabronies (6-3) vs #3 Sticky Bandits (5-4)

Points For (Division Rank): Jabronies – 34.33 (2^nd), Sticky – 34.44 (1^st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Jabronies – 27.56 (2^nd), Sticky – 33.22 (7^th)

Overall TSL Rank: Jabronies 10^th, Sticky Bandits 17th

TSLQBPRC Line: Sticky Bandits (-1)

Past Game(s): Sticky Bandits 39, Jabronies 28

I don’t know what it is about these two teams, but it seems like Sticky just always has the Jabronies’ number. It’s possibly because the Jabronies are made up of all of the players that weren’t good enough to crack the Sticky Roster. They play the same Krol-Baker offense, AND defense. Sticky has been doing this longer, and they tend to know what the Jabronies are going to do before they even do it. Logically, Jabronies should be able to score a lot more on Sticky, but they can’t. Until they start proving things otherwise, I’ll just go with what should happen, since that’s what this season seems to be about anyway. STICKY BANDITS BY 6

The End Result: Well, we’ve kind of just seen this game two weeks ago. Dilfs won 39-31. That’s not a “guaranteed” win for the Dilfs, but when it comes down to it, they’ve just been the best team in the division all season. Barring half the team needed to get a rapid COVID test in Syracuse or something this time (more on that one later), the repeat feels on. DILFS BY 7

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

Vaspian 42, En Fuego 25 (Play-In Game)

Frodo Swaggins 39, Vaspian 38 (OT)

The Untouchaballs 21, Grey Hair 7

#1 All We Do Is Quinn (8-1) vs #5 The Untouchaballs (3-5)

Points For (Division Rank): AWDIQ – 34.00 (1^st), Untouchaballs – 27.13 (4^th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): AWDIQ – 22.43 (2^nd), Untouchaballs – 27.00 (5^th)

Overall TSL Rank: AWDIQ 7^th, The Untouchaballs 29th

TSLQBPRC Line: All We Do Is Quinn (-14)

Past Game(s): All We Do Is Quinn 32, The Untouchaballs 28

14 points is too much in this contest. I get it, Quinn has been a wrecking ball all season (save for the one game without Vince), but they still only beat UT by 4 points in the regular season. Quinn might blow it in the playoffs every single year, but Untouchaballs have literally never been here before. I still don’t know who they are, but at some point I will. Maybe this is the time to make a name for themselves? Maybe not. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 8

#2 Scared Hitless (5-2) vs #3 Frodo Swaggins (5-2)

Points For (Division Rank): SH – 30.83 (3^rd), Frodo – 33.71 (2^nd)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): SH – 20.17 (1^st), Frodo – 26.43 (4^th)

Overall TSL Rank: Hitless 12^th, Frodo 13th

TSLQBPRC Line: Scared Hitless (-3)

Past Game(s): DNP THIS SEASON

Game of the day potential right here. These two teams are VERY CLOSE to each other, so we’ll have to break it down to advantages. At QB, Assuming Scotty shows up, Frodo has a distinct advantage over Hitless there. Dylan is doing a fine job as he learns, but Scotty is an All World co-ed QB. For females, Scared Hitless has the distinct advantage because Jaimie and Cat are better than anyone on Frodo. So it comes down the supporting cast of males. Nick and an aging Garrett are nice to have, but the cupboard is bare behind them. Meanwhile, Scared Hitless boasts some impressive talent, most notably Jonny Football, Tristan, Brandon Farr and Cat’s boyfriend. I’m sure there’s some other guy I don’t know in there too. This is another place I have to give the edge to Hitless. It’ll be a good one, but SCARED HITLESS BY 12.

The End Result: I just want to be able to say “Man, don’t you wish Quinn had room for Cat’s boyfriend?” and give Hitless the win here. The truth is, these teams are pretty even across the board, EXCEPT at QB. Vince is just better than Dylan, and AS LONG AS QUINN DOESN’T FALL BEHIND AND LOSE THEIR HEADS BECAUSE THEY’RE PREMATURELY ASSUMING THEY’RE BLOWING IT AGAIN, that should be enough to give them the victory they’ve tried so very, very hard for. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 6

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Freeballers 47, Cunning Stunts 9 (Play-in)

Uncle Rico’s 37, Freeballers 31

Over Compensators 46, Family Feud 15

#1 Buffalo Solar Solutions (6-2) vs #4 Over Compensators (3-5)

Points For (Division Rank): BSS – 35.25 (4^th), OC – 34.63 (6^th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): BSS – 28.00 (1^st), OC – 40.75 (5^th)

Overall TSL Rank: BSS 8^th, OC 31st

TSLQBPRC Line: Buffalo Solar Solutions (-12)

Past Game(s): Buffalo Solar Solutions 42, Over Compensators 20

While these two teams have very similar offenses, the numbers show that one thing is very clear: the BSS defense will dictate how this game goes. If they play to their normal standards, BSS should walk away with the victory. However, a little birdie told me that there’s a chance that Defensive standout and potential D4 MVP Brett Cole won’t be playing this weekend. Whatever selfish reason he has to not be there (The ONLY allowed explanation is “he’s adopting a puppy”), BSS will need to overcome it. But on the OC side of things, they were talking to Topper about potentially moving around the schedule so they can have some more players make it. Considering that didn’t happen (I think?), The OC might be shorthanded as well. I’m not entirely sure they can afford to be missing players for this game, and that could allow Andy Clark to just carve up the OC defense. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 10

#2 The Angels (6-2) vs #3 Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (5-3)

Points For (Division Rank): Angels – 40.13 (2^nd), URTT – 42.00 (1^st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Angels – 33.75 (2^nd), URTT – 38.50 (4^th)

Overall TSL Rank: Angels 9^th, URTT 16th

TSLQBPRC Line: Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (-8)

Past Game(s): Uncle Rico’s 35, The Angels 32

Well, first off, bet the over here. These two teams can score, and score they will. Uncle Rico’s has been one of the better teams in the league in the second half, and they had their “scare” last weekend against the Freeballers that should keep them focused in this game. I’m not entirely sure that The Angels have a way to stop Chris Nelson, and that may be their downfall. These aren’t your Matty’s Angels here, they’re missing some key players due to injuries/being a world famous video game streamer maybe so it’s a different vibe. They don’t have the confidence they normally do. And on top of that, a good chunk of the roster have 1-3 games to potentially play before this one. It all adds up to a shocking D4 final without a gender team. UNCLE RICOS BY 12

The End Result: Buffalo Solar Solutions and Uncle Rico’s are going to put on a nice show for everyone. It’s the top ranked offense against the top ranked defense. But if the rumors are true on the loss of Brett for BSS, that top ranked Defense goes down a notch. Jon Senn finally gets that title. UNCLE RICOS BY 3

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 40, Intentional Pounding 0

Mountain Dew Me 35, TOX 13

Zack Attack 26, Pteratacos 12

Cobblestone 31, ILF 20

#1 Practice Squad (7-1) vs #4 Zack Attack (4-5)

Points For (Division Rank): PS – 35.50 (2^nd), ZA – 25.00 (4^th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): PS – 13.63 (2^nd), ZA – 22.22 (4^th)

Overall TSL Rank: Practice Squad 1^st, Zack Attack 23rd

TSLQBPRC Line: Practice Squad (-20)

Past Game(s): Practice Squad 38, Zack Attack 15

There just isn’t much to say here. Practice Squad is a level above Zack Attack. But don’t let that skew your view on the Attack. They’ve played VERY well this season, and they’ve just fallen victim to having two titans in their division. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 18

#2 Mountain Dew Me (7-1) vs #3 Cobblestone (6-2-1)

Points For (Division Rank): MDM – 38.35 (1^st), Cobblestone – 22.56 (6^th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): MDM – 6.25 (1^st), Cobblestone – 20.78 (3^rd)

Overall TSL Rank: MDM 2^nd, Cobblestone 6th

TSLQBPRC Line: Mountain Dew Me (-26)

Past Game(s): Mountain Dew Me 32, Cobblestone 6

I want nothing more than for Darryl Carr QB Superstar to walk onto the fields (five minutes late mostly likely) on Saturday, and slay the beast that is MDM. We all do. But it’s just not going to happen. Like Zack Attack, Cobblestone got stuck with two powerhouses in a season that they could’ve won a championship for sure. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 30

The End Result: It felt weird the entire time typing that PS was #1 and MDM was #2. I think the entire TSL knows that’s not true. I don’t say these things to take away from Practice Squad, but even with them on a higher level, Mountain Dew Me is even higher. It became apparent weeks ago that MDM was taking that title, and even I’m not a bad enough gambler to bet against them. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 11

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

The Bambs 38, PC Plumbing 16

TMA 26, Blitzkrieg 15

Graves Bros 29, The BiPolar Express 24

Tater Tots 39, Lenny’s Ladies 16

#1 Graves Bros (7-1) vs #4 TMA (4-4-1)

Points For (Division Rank):  GB – 33.38 (2^nd), TMA – 23.00 (8^th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): GB – 28.38 (4^th), TMA – 20.00 (1^st)

Overall TSL Rank: GB 4^th, TMA 19th

TSLQBPRC Line: Graves Bros (-2)

Past Game(s): Graves Bros 20, TMA 14

Maybe I just don’t give Graves Bros enough respect. Week after week, I expect them to be upset, but all they tend to do is constantly win again and again. No, they don’t kill teams, but they’re always solid and they win each week. TMA has been a much different team in the second half of the season than they were to start the year. Their defense is still elite. They can play zone or man without issue, and the pressure they get up front from their rusher forces teams into mistakes. They’ll do the same to Graves Bros. The issue will be the offense. If QB Ryan has a good day, TMA can take the title that they’re so overdue on. Honestly, if TMA can score over 20 points in a game, they’ll win. But I think it’s time to give some credit where it’s finally due. GRAVES BROS BY 6

#2 Tater Tots (5-3-1) vs #3 The Bambs (5-3)

Points For (Division Rank): Tots – 25.78 (6^th), Bambs – 34.00 (1^st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Tots – 22.56 (2^nd), Bambs – 28.38 (3^rd)

Overall TSL Rank: Tater Tots 11^th, The Bambs 15th

TSLQBPRC Line: The Bambs (-2)

Past Game(s): Tater Tots 29, The Bambs 26

Another game with huge Game of the Day potential here. The Bambs’ offense has been magical this season, which is exactly what they’ll need to beat the Tots. The Tots have also been hot the second half of the season, but the teams they’ve been playing (2 games against TMA, 2 against Lenny’s Ladies) haven’t had the best of offenses to prepare for. The Tots are fun team, and they’re getting better by the minute, but I don’t think they have what it takes to keep up with The Bambs this time, and I’m well aware they already beat them once. THE BAMBS BY 4

The End Result: In what can be considered a topsy turvy D6 season where literally all of the potential finals matchups are very fun, we get Graves and The Bambs. This is going to be a higher scoring affair for sure, and I think its going to come down to the wire. Seriously, these teams are as even as you can get. The Bambs average 34 points a game, and Graves scores 33.38. Both teams allow an identical 28.38 points. It’s as much of a coin flip as it can be. So, I flipped one. THE BAMBS BY 1

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      I ask this every week, but how will the weather play a factor? I see that it’s 75 degrees in Buffalo today, which is PERFECT weather for our championship games. But some overnight storms will make the fields soft, and you’ll be playing in 45 degrees tomorrow. These conditions mean that just about anything will happen. Sunscreen looks to be optional as opposed to mandatory.

2.      Can anyone in D1 win 3 games to take the championship? The short answer is yes. I don’t think I’d be surprised if I find out from Topper Saturday Night/Sunday that Eyes Downtown or Marketing Mayors won the title.

3.      Can All We Do Is Quinn slay the demons of their past and finally take the championship or were you just being nice? I think it lines up nicely for them, but I really, really think Scared Hitless can beat Quinn.

4.      Who’s the most slam dunk champion this season? It has to be Mountain Dew Me. They averaged only 6.25 points against! That’s insanity. I love Practice Squad, especially with B, but I can’t envision this going any way but MDM’s. If I had to rank my champions from above in order of confidence from most to least: Mountain Dew Me, Dilfs, Public Enemy, Uncle Rico’s, All We Do Is Quinn, The Bambs.

5.      If all of the teams in this session come back next year, and you were put in charge of who plays in what divisions for the Spring, what would the league look like? Okay, so we had 44 teams this session, which would be 4 divisions of 7, and 2 with 8. I’d want to make D6 only 6 teams, so we can have 3 divisions of 8, 2 of 7, and 1 of 6:

D1: Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, Marketing Mayors, Why So Serious, Gryffindor, Tight Ends In Motion, Dilfs (7 Teams)

D2: Sticky Bandits, Slytherin that End Zone, Jabronies, Peachy Platoon, Bullet Club, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, Morning Wood, All We Do Is Quinn (8 teams)

D3: Frodo Swaggins, Scared Hitless, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, The Angels, The Untouchaballs, Grey Hair Don’t Care, Cunning Stunts (8 teams)

D4: Over Compensators, Practice Squad, Mountain Dew Me, Cobblestone, Freeballers, En Fuego, Vaspian (7 teams)

D5: Family Feud, Pteratacos, Graves Bros, Tater Tots, Zack Attack, The Bambs, TMA, ILF (8 teams)

D6: Blitzkrieg, Lenny’s Ladies, The Bi-Polar Express, Intentional Pounding, TOX, PC Plumbing (6 Teams)

These would be some pretty fun divisions. To be honest though, I’d love to get 4 more teams and have 6 divisions of 8 more than anything. Chances are we’ll have some divisions of 10 in the spring when people start coming back. But this is just using the teams that we have now.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE SATURDAY:

1.      Absolute shout out to Travis, Dark Val, and Diana. I don’t know if you know this story yet, but I found it amazing. Apparently, last Friday they found out they *could* have been exposed to COVID, which meant no playoffs for them. Instead of accepting their fate, they found a rapid test center 2 ½ hours away, made appointments as soon as they opened at midnight, and drove the 5 hours round trip to get tested (and they were all negative!) and make it back in time for the games. That’s some dedication to the TSL!

2.      Well, I gave who I *think* will win, but here’s who I’d want to win this Saturday:

a.      D1: Why So Serious? (I mean, that would be amazing)

b.      D2: Jabronies

c.       D3: All We Do Is Quinn

d.      D4: Buffalo Solar Solutions

e.      D5: Cobblestone

f.        D6: Tater Tots

3.      Every champion from our last session is still alive. Public Enemy is still going in D1, The Dilfs are doing well in D2, Sticky acclimated to D2 just fine as D3 champs, The Angels are still around in D4, The OC is alive in D4 as well, and Zack Attack is alive in D5 as the D6 champs. It’s good to see that those who moved up are performing well. It’s not the end of the world to go up a division.

4.      There are currently 7 of the 8 slots for the TSL indoor league already taken. GET YOURS TODAY.

5.      If you’re at the fields this weekend, once again, buy Topper a drink. He deserves it for all of his hard work. Even if you’re out of the playoffs, stop by anyway!

6.      I look forward to Breakfast Club happening again in the Spring, we hope. In case you forgot, we were looking at record numbers and 8-10 teams as opposed to our usual 6. The secret is out.

7.      It doesn’t matter if it’s the last week of the season, the COVID protocols will remain in effect for the entire day. Don’t be that guy or girl.

8.      Congrats to everyone for (mostly) respecting the bar and not causing any problems! Good stuff right there.

9.      Assuming we can get back to normal next season, be prepared for the return of the usual TSL craziness you’re used to. Clowns, Podcasts, Dunk Tanks, drinking games, maybe an ice cream truck again, who knows?

10.   Finally, again, if you’re REALLY SURE someone on your squad should be nominated for an award or two, email the official Awards Nomination Collector Emily Curry at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and if she’s too intimidating for you, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

Good luck to all of our teams this week. Immortality is waiting for you.

Go get it.

-GF