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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe:

 

WELCOME TO CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND!

 

It took a long time to get here, but we know that. We know what we’ve overcome in the #TSL2020 season to get to this point. But it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that we made it, and on October 24th in the Year of Our Lord 2020, the TSL will crown 6 New Champions. 6 teams will earn their place in history alongside their claim to Social Co-Ed Football Immortality. This one is special. It was unlike any other championship that preceded it, and (hopefully) will be unlike any of the ones that follow.

 

On this Saturday, the remaining 26 of the TSL’s 44 teams will do battle. All of D1 is still around, so if Gryffindor or Why So Serious? has any hope of winning the D1 title, it’ll take 3 straight wins to do so. Good luck.

 

And just when I thought this league couldn’t surprise me anymore, it did. The fact that there was only ONE “upset” last week is the most insane thing I’ve ever heard of. I thought Topper was messing with me when he told me on Sunday. That’s right, other than The Untouchaballs’ 21-7 victory over Grey Hair Don’t Care, every single higher seed won this weekend (with the exception of the play-in games, somehow).

 

That’s incredibly boring, and you all know it. And in the TSL, it feels almost impossible! We usually have a shocker or two that gets the league talking! But NO, not this season. And most of the games weren’t even close. The few that were, were VERY exciting. For example:

 

Frodo Swaggins 39, Vaspian 38 – Scotty Dro let out an email to TSL brass last weekend, claiming how his team lets him down and he’s looking for a D1 team next year. . . Then he proceeds to not even show up for the playoffs. This resulted in Frodo having to have Garrett play QB, and they had to play 3 guys and 3 girls all game. That’s not ideal, unless you’re Vaspian. Vaspian, fresh off their win over En Fuego in the play-in round, stayed close all game before tying the game with little to no time left on the clock. They ALMOST won the game on the conversion, but failed. This brought us to OVERTIME. Vaspian struck first, scoring a gender TD but failing on the conversion. Frodo went to respond, and finally did, getting a huge gender TD to tie the game. But they were successful on their conversion, giving them a 1 point win.

 

Uncle Rico’s 37, Freeballers 31 – I’m starting to think that the Freeballers never “all had COVID” but instead proceeded to get some sort of PEDs to get them playing like an actual football team this week. After knocking out the Stunts, they took URTT to the limit. Uncle Rico’s was forced to score with no time left to take this game that you’d have guessed they’d win by 21. Rico’s moved on, but barely.

 

Slytherin That End Zone 24, Bullet Club 16 – A back and forth, defensive affair is the opposite of how these two teams play each other normally. After taking a quick 15-0 lead, SITE couldn’t do anything after that for most of the game. Bullet Club took a 1 point lead with apparently like 9-10 minutes left. After more back and forth, with SITE down to 5-1 not far from the endzone, Newman found Taylor Pagano for a gender TD with 29 seconds left to secure the win.

 

Graves Bros 29, The BiPolar Express 24 – Another typical close game between these two teams. Both were considered to be among the division’s best and even if this was a #1 vs #8 seed matchup, you wouldn’t have known it. BPX started coming together at the end of the season, but Graves Bros has been good all year and deserved this one.

 

 

But that’s it. FOUR close games. If there were more, its because nobody told me about it. What a boring league. Why do we even bother playing?

 

Oh, that’s right, because football is awesome.

 

So who’s going to win the TSL Championships this weekend? Well, Let me tell you:

 

D1:

 

Okay, I proceeded to give you all the “Round 1” games and breakdown last week, so if you want to read it, feel free to scroll down a lot to that article and remind yourself. And if you didn’t read it last week? FOR SHAME FOR NOT READING MY ARTICLE. All jokes aside, this is going to be an interesting wrinkle for some of these teams with championship aspirations. For the sake of having something to write, I’m going to use my predicted winners from last week for the matchups here. No offense to Gryffindor or Why So Serious?. Prove me wrong, it’s my favorite.

 

#1 Public Enemy (7-1) vs #5 Eyes Downtown (3-4)

Points For (Division Rank): PE – 33.38 (2nd), ED – 28.43 (5th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): PE – 25.25 (1st), ED – 33.00 (4th)

Overall TSL Rank: PE 3rd, ED 28th

TSLQBPRC Line: Public Enemy (-6)

Past Game(s): Public Enemy 28, Eyes Downtown 18

 

It’s on. Right? Don’t let the rankings deceive you, Eyes Downtown is a better team than they’ve shown this year. There may have been zero total games they’ve had their full roster, but I believe this week they’ll be at full power. But, how good are they? There’s a lot of new faces over there, including some females that have never played in a TSL playoff game before, much less one that they have to deal with Heather and Cheryl in. I’m giving the edge to Public Enemy for their experience and having continuity this season. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 9

 

#2 Tight Ends In Motion (5-3) vs #3 Marketing Mayors (4-4)

Points For (Division Rank): TEIM – 38.50 (1st), MM – 30.29 (4th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): TEIM – 26.75 (2nd), MM – 28.00 (3rd)

Overall TSL Rank: TEIM  14th, MM 21st

TSLQBPRC Line: Tight Ends In Motion (-3)

Past Game(s): Tight Ends In Motion 29, Marketing Mayors 28

 

So, what a ride for Tight Ends this season. After an awful start, they’re finding themselves with the hottest offense in the TSL. It’s always a shame to say this, but the injury to Alex has once again become the best thing for them. “Bro” Kleckler came in, along with Robin Makula, and the offense is at a level never before achieved by TEIM. The hottest story in the TSL the last few seasons has been “How good would TEIM be with a better QB?” and now we’re seeing it. As good as the Mayors are, TEIM is just better right now. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 7

 

The End Result: Public Enemy brings out the best in everyone, but especially Tight Ends. TEIM is going to want this game badly, for obvious reasons, but “at the end of the day” (say that in B’s Brother’s voice please), the champs retain. PE just has a slightly more talented roster, and the best QB of all time. That gives them the edge in what will be an EXCELLENT D1 final. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 2

 

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

Dilfs 37, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 16

Jabronies 26, Peachy Platoon 18

Sticky Bandits 43, Morning Wood 28

SITE 24, Bullet Club 16

 

#1 Dilfs (7-2) vs #4 Slytherin That End Zone (5-4)

Points For (Division Rank): Dilfs – 33.63 (3rd), SITE – 31.11 (4th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Dilfs – 26.00 (1st), SITE – 28.89 (3rd)

Overall TSL Rank: Dilfs 5th, SITE 18th

TSLQBPRC Line: Dilfs (-9)

Past Game(s): Dilfs 35, SITE 22

 

 

The Dilfs have pretty much dominated this division all season. Their only losses have been to Sticky in Week 1 with a lot of players missing and a midseason loss to Jabronies. That’s it. Meanwhile, SITE’s 5 wins are as follows: HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, Morning Wood, a Week 1 win against Jabronies, and two late comeback wins against Bullet Club and Peachy Platoon. Not exactly world beating. The Dilfs are just a little bit better than SITE in everything, except for being younger. I don’t think that comes into play here. DILFS BY 12

 

#2 Jabronies (6-3) vs #3 Sticky Bandits (5-4)

Points For (Division Rank): Jabronies – 34.33 (2nd), Sticky – 34.44 (1st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Jabronies – 27.56 (2nd), Sticky – 33.22 (7th)

Overall TSL Rank: Jabronies 10th, Sticky Bandits 17th

TSLQBPRC Line: Sticky Bandits (-1)

Past Game(s): Sticky Bandits 39, Jabronies 28

 

I don’t know what it is about these two teams, but it seems like Sticky just always has the Jabronies’ number. It’s possibly because the Jabronies are made up of all of the players that weren’t good enough to crack the Sticky Roster. They play the same Krol-Baker offense, AND defense. Sticky has been doing this longer, and they tend to know what the Jabronies are going to do before they even do it. Logically, Jabronies should be able to score a lot more on Sticky, but they can’t. Until they start proving things otherwise, I’ll just go with what should happen, since that’s what this season seems to be about anyway. STICKY BANDITS BY 6

 

The End Result: Well, we’ve kind of just seen this game two weeks ago. Dilfs won 39-31. That’s not a “guaranteed” win for the Dilfs, but when it comes down to it, they’ve just been the best team in the division all season. Barring half the team needed to get a rapid COVID test in Syracuse or something this time (more on that one later), the repeat feels on. DILFS BY 7

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Vaspian 42, En Fuego 25 (Play-In Game)

Frodo Swaggins 39, Vaspian 38 (OT)

The Untouchaballs 21, Grey Hair 7

 

#1 All We Do Is Quinn (8-1) vs #5 The Untouchaballs (3-5)

Points For (Division Rank): AWDIQ – 34.00 (1st), Untouchaballs – 27.13 (4th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): AWDIQ – 22.43 (2nd), Untouchaballs – 27.00 (5th)

Overall TSL Rank: AWDIQ 7th, The Untouchaballs 29th

TSLQBPRC Line: All We Do Is Quinn (-14)

Past Game(s): All We Do Is Quinn 32, The Untouchaballs 28

 

14 points is too much in this contest. I get it, Quinn has been a wrecking ball all season (save for the one game without Vince), but they still only beat UT by 4 points in the regular season. Quinn might blow it in the playoffs every single year, but Untouchaballs have literally never been here before. I still don’t know who they are, but at some point I will. Maybe this is the time to make a name for themselves? Maybe not. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 8

 

#2 Scared Hitless (5-2) vs #3 Frodo Swaggins (5-2)

Points For (Division Rank): SH – 30.83 (3rd), Frodo – 33.71 (2nd)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): SH – 20.17 (1st), Frodo – 26.43 (4th)

Overall TSL Rank: Hitless 12th, Frodo 13th

TSLQBPRC Line: Scared Hitless (-3)

Past Game(s): DNP THIS SEASON

 

Game of the day potential right here. These two teams are VERY CLOSE to each other, so we’ll have to break it down to advantages. At QB, Assuming Scotty shows up, Frodo has a distinct advantage over Hitless there. Dylan is doing a fine job as he learns, but Scotty is an All World co-ed QB. For females, Scared Hitless has the distinct advantage because Jaimie and Cat are better than anyone on Frodo. So it comes down the supporting cast of males. Nick and an aging Garrett are nice to have, but the cupboard is bare behind them. Meanwhile, Scared Hitless boasts some impressive talent, most notably Jonny Football, Tristan, Brandon Farr and Cat’s boyfriend. I’m sure there’s some other guy I don’t know in there too. This is another place I have to give the edge to Hitless. It’ll be a good one, but SCARED HITLESS BY 12.

 

The End Result: I just want to be able to say “Man, don’t you wish Quinn had room for Cat’s boyfriend?” and give Hitless the win here. The truth is, these teams are pretty even across the board, EXCEPT at QB. Vince is just better than Dylan, and AS LONG AS QUINN DOESN’T FALL BEHIND AND LOSE THEIR HEADS BECAUSE THEY’RE PREMATURELY ASSUMING THEY’RE BLOWING IT AGAIN, that should be enough to give them the victory they’ve tried so very, very hard for. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 6

 

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Freeballers 47, Cunning Stunts 9 (Play-in)

Uncle Rico’s 37, Freeballers 31

Over Compensators 46, Family Feud 15

 

 

#1 Buffalo Solar Solutions (6-2) vs #4 Over Compensators (3-5)

Points For (Division Rank): BSS – 35.25 (4th), OC – 34.63 (6th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): BSS – 28.00 (1st), OC – 40.75 (5th)

Overall TSL Rank: BSS 8th, OC 31st

TSLQBPRC Line: Buffalo Solar Solutions (-12)

Past Game(s): Buffalo Solar Solutions 42, Over Compensators 20

 

While these two teams have very similar offenses, the numbers show that one thing is very clear: the BSS defense will dictate how this game goes. If they play to their normal standards, BSS should walk away with the victory. However, a little birdie told me that there’s a chance that Defensive standout and potential D4 MVP Brett Cole won’t be playing this weekend. Whatever selfish reason he has to not be there (The ONLY allowed explanation is “he’s adopting a puppy”), BSS will need to overcome it. But on the OC side of things, they were talking to Topper about potentially moving around the schedule so they can have some more players make it. Considering that didn’t happen (I think?), The OC might be shorthanded as well. I’m not entirely sure they can afford to be missing players for this game, and that could allow Andy Clark to just carve up the OC defense. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 10

 

#2 The Angels (6-2) vs #3 Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (5-3)

Points For (Division Rank): Angels – 40.13 (2nd), URTT – 42.00 (1st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Angels – 33.75 (2nd), URTT – 38.50 (4th)

Overall TSL Rank: Angels 9th, URTT 16th

TSLQBPRC Line: Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (-8)

Past Game(s): Uncle Rico’s 35, The Angels 32

 

Well, first off, bet the over here. These two teams can score, and score they will. Uncle Rico’s has been one of the better teams in the league in the second half, and they had their “scare” last weekend against the Freeballers that should keep them focused in this game. I’m not entirely sure that The Angels have a way to stop Chris Nelson, and that may be their downfall. These aren’t your Matty’s Angels here, they’re missing some key players due to injuries/being a world famous video game streamer maybe so it’s a different vibe. They don’t have the confidence they normally do. And on top of that, a good chunk of the roster have 1-3 games to potentially play before this one. It all adds up to a shocking D4 final without a gender team. UNCLE RICOS BY 12

 

The End Result: Buffalo Solar Solutions and Uncle Rico’s are going to put on a nice show for everyone. It’s the top ranked offense against the top ranked defense. But if the rumors are true on the loss of Brett for BSS, that top ranked Defense goes down a notch. Jon Senn finally gets that title. UNCLE RICOS BY 3

 

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 40, Intentional Pounding 0

Mountain Dew Me 35, TOX 13

Zack Attack 26, Pteratacos 12

Cobblestone 31, ILF 20

 

#1 Practice Squad (7-1) vs #4 Zack Attack (4-5)

Points For (Division Rank): PS – 35.50 (2nd), ZA – 25.00 (4th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): PS – 13.63 (2nd), ZA – 22.22 (4th)

Overall TSL Rank: Practice Squad 1st, Zack Attack 23rd

TSLQBPRC Line: Practice Squad (-20)

Past Game(s): Practice Squad 38, Zack Attack 15

 

 

There just isn’t much to say here. Practice Squad is a level above Zack Attack. But don’t let that skew your view on the Attack. They’ve played VERY well this season, and they’ve just fallen victim to having two titans in their division. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 18

 

#2 Mountain Dew Me (7-1) vs #3 Cobblestone (6-2-1)

Points For (Division Rank): MDM – 38.35 (1st), Cobblestone – 22.56 (6th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): MDM – 6.25 (1st), Cobblestone – 20.78 (3rd)

Overall TSL Rank: MDM 2nd, Cobblestone 6th

TSLQBPRC Line: Mountain Dew Me (-26)

Past Game(s): Mountain Dew Me 32, Cobblestone 6

 

I want nothing more than for Darryl Carr QB Superstar to walk onto the fields (five minutes late mostly likely) on Saturday, and slay the beast that is MDM. We all do. But it’s just not going to happen. Like Zack Attack, Cobblestone got stuck with two powerhouses in a season that they could’ve won a championship for sure. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 30

 

The End Result: It felt weird the entire time typing that PS was #1 and MDM was #2. I think the entire TSL knows that’s not true. I don’t say these things to take away from Practice Squad, but even with them on a higher level, Mountain Dew Me is even higher. It became apparent weeks ago that MDM was taking that title, and even I’m not a bad enough gambler to bet against them. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 11

 

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

The Bambs 38, PC Plumbing 16

TMA 26, Blitzkrieg 15

Graves Bros 29, The BiPolar Express 24

Tater Tots 39, Lenny’s Ladies 16

 

#1 Graves Bros (7-1) vs #4 TMA (4-4-1)

Points For (Division Rank):  GB – 33.38 (2nd), TMA – 23.00 (8th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): GB – 28.38 (4th), TMA – 20.00 (1st)

Overall TSL Rank: GB 4th, TMA 19th

TSLQBPRC Line: Graves Bros (-2)

Past Game(s): Graves Bros 20, TMA 14

 

Maybe I just don’t give Graves Bros enough respect. Week after week, I expect them to be upset, but all they tend to do is constantly win again and again. No, they don’t kill teams, but they’re always solid and they win each week. TMA has been a much different team in the second half of the season than they were to start the year. Their defense is still elite. They can play zone or man without issue, and the pressure they get up front from their rusher forces teams into mistakes. They’ll do the same to Graves Bros. The issue will be the offense. If QB Ryan has a good day, TMA can take the title that they’re so overdue on. Honestly, if TMA can score over 20 points in a game, they’ll win. But I think it’s time to give some credit where it’s finally due. GRAVES BROS BY 6

 

#2 Tater Tots (5-3-1) vs #3 The Bambs (5-3)

Points For (Division Rank): Tots – 25.78 (6th), Bambs – 34.00 (1st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Tots – 22.56 (2nd), Bambs – 28.38 (3rd)

Overall TSL Rank: Tater Tots 11th, The Bambs 15th

TSLQBPRC Line: The Bambs (-2)

Past Game(s): Tater Tots 29, The Bambs 26

 

Another game with huge Game of the Day potential here. The Bambs’ offense has been magical this season, which is exactly what they’ll need to beat the Tots. The Tots have also been hot the second half of the season, but the teams they’ve been playing (2 games against TMA, 2 against Lenny’s Ladies) haven’t had the best of offenses to prepare for. The Tots are fun team, and they’re getting better by the minute, but I don’t think they have what it takes to keep up with The Bambs this time, and I’m well aware they already beat them once. THE BAMBS BY 4

 

The End Result: In what can be considered a topsy turvy D6 season where literally all of the potential finals matchups are very fun, we get Graves and The Bambs. This is going to be a higher scoring affair for sure, and I think its going to come down to the wire. Seriously, these teams are as even as you can get. The Bambs average 34 points a game, and Graves scores 33.38. Both teams allow an identical 28.38 points. It’s as much of a coin flip as it can be. So, I flipped one. THE BAMBS BY 1

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      I ask this every week, but how will the weather play a factor? I see that it’s 75 degrees in Buffalo today, which is PERFECT weather for our championship games. But some overnight storms will make the fields soft, and you’ll be playing in 45 degrees tomorrow. These conditions mean that just about anything will happen. Sunscreen looks to be optional as opposed to mandatory.

 

2.      Can anyone in D1 win 3 games to take the championship? The short answer is yes. I don’t think I’d be surprised if I find out from Topper Saturday Night/Sunday that Eyes Downtown or Marketing Mayors won the title.

 

 

3.      Can All We Do Is Quinn slay the demons of their past and finally take the championship or were you just being nice? I think it lines up nicely for them, but I really, really think Scared Hitless can beat Quinn.

 

4.      Who’s the most slam dunk champion this season? It has to be Mountain Dew Me. They averaged only 6.25 points against! That’s insanity. I love Practice Squad, especially with B, but I can’t envision this going any way but MDM’s. If I had to rank my champions from above in order of confidence from most to least: Mountain Dew Me, Dilfs, Public Enemy, Uncle Rico’s, All We Do Is Quinn, The Bambs.

 

 

5.      If all of the teams in this session come back next year, and you were put in charge of who plays in what divisions for the Spring, what would the league look like? Okay, so we had 44 teams this session, which would be 4 divisions of 7, and 2 with 8. I’d want to make D6 only 6 teams, so we can have 3 divisions of 8, 2 of 7, and 1 of 6:

 

D1: Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, Marketing Mayors, Why So Serious, Gryffindor, Tight Ends In Motion, Dilfs (7 Teams)

D2: Sticky Bandits, Slytherin that End Zone, Jabronies, Peachy Platoon, Bullet Club, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, Morning Wood, All We Do Is Quinn (8 teams)

D3: Frodo Swaggins, Scared Hitless, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, The Angels, The Untouchaballs, Grey Hair Don’t Care, Cunning Stunts (8 teams)

D4: Over Compensators, Practice Squad, Mountain Dew Me, Cobblestone, Freeballers, En Fuego, Vaspian (7 teams)

D5: Family Feud, Pteratacos, Graves Bros, Tater Tots, Zack Attack, The Bambs, TMA, ILF (8 teams)

D6: Blitzkrieg, Lenny’s Ladies, The Bi-Polar Express, Intentional Pounding, TOX, PC Plumbing (6 Teams)

 

These would be some pretty fun divisions. To be honest though, I’d love to get 4 more teams and have 6 divisions of 8 more than anything. Chances are we’ll have some divisions of 10 in the spring when people start coming back. But this is just using the teams that we have now.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE SATURDAY:

 

1.      Absolute shout out to Travis, Dark Val, and Diana. I don’t know if you know this story yet, but I found it amazing. Apparently, last Friday they found out they *could* have been exposed to COVID, which meant no playoffs for them. Instead of accepting their fate, they found a rapid test center 2 ½ hours away, made appointments as soon as they opened at midnight, and drove the 5 hours round trip to get tested (and they were all negative!) and make it back in time for the games. That’s some dedication to the TSL!

 

2.      Well, I gave who I *think* will win, but here’s who I’d want to win this Saturday:

 

a.      D1: Why So Serious? (I mean, that would be amazing)

b.      D2: Jabronies

c.       D3: All We Do Is Quinn

d.      D4: Buffalo Solar Solutions

e.      D5: Cobblestone

f.        D6: Tater Tots

 

3.      Every champion from our last session is still alive. Public Enemy is still going in D1, The Dilfs are doing well in D2, Sticky acclimated to D2 just fine as D3 champs, The Angels are still around in D4, The OC is alive in D4 as well, and Zack Attack is alive in D5 as the D6 champs. It’s good to see that those who moved up are performing well. It’s not the end of the world to go up a division.

 

4.      There are currently 7 of the 8 slots for the TSL indoor league already taken. GET YOURS TODAY.

 

5.      If you’re at the fields this weekend, once again, buy Topper a drink. He deserves it for all of his hard work. Even if you’re out of the playoffs, stop by anyway!

 

6.      I look forward to Breakfast Club happening again in the Spring, we hope. In case you forgot, we were looking at record numbers and 8-10 teams as opposed to our usual 6. The secret is out.

 

7.      It doesn’t matter if it’s the last week of the season, the COVID protocols will remain in effect for the entire day. Don’t be that guy or girl.

 

8.      Congrats to everyone for (mostly) respecting the bar and not causing any problems! Good stuff right there.

 

9.      Assuming we can get back to normal next season, be prepared for the return of the usual TSL craziness you’re used to. Clowns, Podcasts, Dunk Tanks, drinking games, maybe an ice cream truck again, who knows?

 

10.   Finally, again, if you’re REALLY SURE someone on your squad should be nominated for an award or two, email the official Awards Nomination Collector Emily Curry at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and if she’s too intimidating for you, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

 

 

Good luck to all of our teams this week. Immortality is waiting for you.

 

Go get it.

 

-GF

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