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The race for Social Co-Ed football immortality began last Saturday, and by all accounts it was just about as perfect as possible. The mid-week snow didn’t affect the fields at all, the weather was perfect, and there were a lot of fantastic football games. Many brand new teams (to the TSL anyway) made their mark in a big way. Some good, some bad. But despite all of the positives, the things my field informants told me most about weren’t the best.  Shortly after 2:00, the texts and emails started coming in hot and heavy:

 

“Someone stacked a D6 team!”

 

“Man, you should see this new D6 team, they’re huge.”

 

“We’re going to have to do something about this.”

 

“Yeah, we’re calling them the Monstars from Space Jam, it’s ridiculous.”

 

And so on. So, from what I understand, the Pteratacos brain trust (and I’m using ‘brain’ VERY loosely here) asked to be moved to D6 from D5 last year. Topper accommodated the request, realizing that the team that has been like 4-14-1 the last couple of seasons with a QB that makes Scott Keller Sr. look young wasn’t going to waltz into D6 and hurt anyone. They rebranded themselves as the Woodpeckers, and that was that. Until of course, he realized that the roster full of names he didn’t know was a bunch of “6’5, super athletic dudes” who apparently all played some form of college football. And yeah, while D6 has some players who did that on other teams, they also did it like 25 years ago. Not like, at most, 25 months ago.

 

Now, to their credit, the players in question I guess sort of realized what was going on and from what I’ve heard were actually good guys. They didn’t know what was going on before the season happened. The issue comes with certain people stacking their roster and somehow thinking this was okay. No Mark, No Joe, that’s not how this works. Dummies. Anyway, the good news is that Topper got that team out of D6. Their options were to move to D4 (which still may be too low for them, but it’s the best Topper could do) or ‘here’s your money back, thanks for coming out’. Luckily, Juiced was nice enough to drop to D6 and I don’t have to write about how a team is getting +60 in a spread this week (Although some of these D1 lines are close.).

 

But moving on, the day was perfect, and the bar “really felt like a true Week 1”. It sounds like it was a great night, people had fun, and only the usual suspects got their signature sloppy drunk by 3pm but nobody caused a huge problem. Other than the bar asking that we do a better job of not piling 2-3 deep at the bar and being cognizant of your masks, things couldn’t have gone better.

 

Keep up the good work, TSL.

 

What will Week 2 bring us this week? Hopefully some more of the same great football! Let’s get into it.

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Tight Ends In Motion 38, Sticky Bandits 6

Public Enemy 32, Sloppy Seconds 19

Eyes Downtown 43, Why So Serious? 14

 

               It was a week chock full of the top teams in the division playing the bottom teams in the division. Every game went as planned. Dave Baker proceeded to murder his friends on Sticky in broad daylight after breaking the hearts of Sticky Nation this offseason with his departure. TEIM didn’t miss a beat it seems, and they’re as focused as ever on winning that first title. Public Enemy didn’t have much trouble with Sloppy Seconds, who looked good in their debut for a team that was put together without much practice together. A late touchdown made the score seem a smidge closer than it was though. And, I’m sorry everyone, but Bobby McConnell might be good again with the newest version of Eyes Downtown (I guess they got Lasik? Bad joke, I know.) as the New Batch waltzed all over Why So Serious and made D1 a three horse race, at least for a week.

 

This Week’s Games:

Public Enemy vs Sticky Bandits (+24) – Sticky wasn’t as bad as the score looked this week, to be fair. From what I heard they didn’t have much of an issue getting to the endzone, they just couldn’t punch it in. This week is different, as they have to try to get down the field against the two headed monster of Mike Boccio and Greg Osika. I just can’t imagine this going well for them. Perhaps they can talk to some of the WoodPeckers and see if they want to join? PUBLIC ENEMY BY 20

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Why So Serious? (+21) – I refuse to believe WSS is dialing it back to when they weren’t very good in the beginning of last season, and last week they just needed to shake the cobwebs out. Tight Ends will more than likely run roughshod over them a bit, but 21 just feels like too many points! I expect 2 touchdowns out of Pete alone. I BELIEVE IN YOU PETER! But yeah, TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 17

 

Public Enemy vs Why So Serious? (+22) – Hell of a doubleheader for WSS as they get the top two teams in the division this week (and all 3 to start the season, yikes) but it can only get better from here! Right? PUBLIC ENEMY BY 18

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

A&A 36, Slytherin That End Zone 16

When Dove Cries 38, Scared Hitless 7

Losing Streak 39, Peachy Platoon 24

Bullet Club 46, Passed Our Prime 36

Mountain Dew Me 35, XTC 26

 

               QBs were the story of the day in D2 this week! Matty Ice made his return to the fields as the iconic QB single handedly turned SITE back into a pumpkin as he sliced and diced his way to a 20 point victory in his return. Speaking of QBs making returns, TOPPER IS BACK BABY! The ageless wonder was serving up TDs as his roster made it’s complete return and he welcome Scared Hitless into D2 with a thrashing. The league is just simply more fun when Topper is good, and well, it’s an odd numbered year so look out. Another returning QB, Dean Thompson, didn’t look nearly as good. Losing Streak proved they belonged in the TSL one of the leagues newest teams looked *very* good against a Peachy Platoon team favored to take the title. Bullet Club and their new QB Scotty Dro looked very good in their first game together, welcoming Passed Our Prime to the league with a loss. And finally, Mountain Dew Me scraped TSL has been Joey Batts off the free agent pile and their new QB thanked them with a nice victory to get a start on their D2 adventure.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs XTC (+10) – A&A had a much better Week 1 than XTC did, but as we go into the “Travis Bowl” anything is still possible. I’m sure XTC has a little more of a chip on their shoulder because of it, and that makes me think we’re going to end up with a very good game. However, in the end, I think A&A is just a better team. A&A BY 7

 

Peachy Platoon vs When Dove Cries (+9) – Easy money alert. Right now, WDC is a much more complete team AND I’m getting 9 points? I’d consider betting real money on this, but then I’d realize I’m still betting on Topper and that’s terrifying so nevermind. I think WDC will struggle with PP’s speed a bit, and this game is a much better matchup for the Platoon. Peachy will win, but won’t cover. PEACHY PLATOON BY 6

 

Bullet Club vs Scared Hitless (+8) – A classic match up of two teams at opposite ends of the spectrum right now. BC is humming along with their newest members fitting right in, while Scared Hitless comes in a little rough from D3. It seems the SH QB isn’t quite seeing the field in D2 as well as he has in D3 just yet. I’m sorry Jonny Football, it isn’t personal, I swear. BULLET CLUB BY 10

 

Losing Streak vs When Dove Cries (+3) – Topper is getting points in both games this week, and for some reason he’s getting less points against the team that beat up on Peachy then he did against them. Weird lines, I’m telling you. Anyway, Jordan Lawson’s team was electric in their debut, and while I don’t know everyone on the team just yet, I do know that Chris Nelson is on the team and it’s great to see him finally playing “where he should be”. I don’t know if Team Topper can keep up here, but they do have the advantage on the female side of things. That could play into the final score. LOSING STREAK BY 8

 

Passed Our Prime vs Peachy Platoon (+1) – Passed Our Prime played a good game last week, but proceeded to fall a bit short. Last week they didn’t have much going for them outside of the play of Keyon Elias, who looked like a future superstar in this league according to multiple reports. POP also needs better play from their females. It’s going to be hard for them to keep up with Peachy, so they’ll have to try to outsmart them. I don’t see it happening, mainly because I need to see more from them. PEACHY PLATOON BY 12.

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

All We Do Is Quinn 46, Grey Hair Don’t Care 17

Matty’s Angels 44, The Untouchaballs 25

Frodo Swaggins 37, The Untouchaballs 36

Frodo Swaggins 39, Wolfpack 17

TopShot 39, Vaspian 15

 

               All We Do Is Quinn did exactly what they always do in D3: announce to the world that *THIS* is their year. The truth is, they’re one of the TSL’s best regular season teams of all time. The harder truth is that they’re one of the TSL’s biggest playoff chokers of all time. Rough start for Grey Hair, and the unfortunate injury to one of their females can only make things worse. Matty’s Angels are in D3, but you wouldn’t know it. Getting Mr. Ice back behind center just means more points. The team looked a little off without him, but they didn’t miss a beat in his return. The Untouchaballs were exactly as advertised, they can score points, but the defense is just rough still. A bright spot for them as told to me by a lot of people was “Sticky Hands Blonde Chick Who Catches Everything”, apparently she was awesome. Someday, I’ll learn her name. Untouchaballs lost to Frodo in their second game by a single point. Frodo went 2-0 in the Garrett Era, getting two big wins over middle-lower D3 squads. After escaping Untouchaballs, they beat up on Wolfpack. Finally, the TopShot debut went as planned, as they just kind of walked all over Vaspian, although everyone kind of walks all over Vaspian.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Wolfpack vs The Untouchaballs (+1) – I don’t understand this line at all. Right now, the Untouchaballs are a much better team than Wolfpack at this point, especially on offense. Wolfpack is new, there’s kinks to work out. The talent may be even, but one of them is much further ahead in chemistry. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 9

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Vaspian (+25) – Vaspian is in one division too high. They’re trying to figure this football thing out but you don’t learn when you’re getting smacked around every game. This is a classic best team in the division versus the worst. I want to challenge Quinn to go out and beat this spread. I think they can do it. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 30

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Itches And Ohs 32, TOX 31

Cunning Stunts 45, Buffalo Vice 39

Not So Sticky 42, Juiced 33

 

               Not a ton of games in D4 this week, as Practice Squad/Jabronies was postponed. Itches and Ohs looked very good for being shorthanded against TOX. Steve Moser threw the ball very well, and their girls are very good! TOX almost came back late after being down 15 points, but they went for a 2 point conversion to win the game at the end and didn’t get it. That’s awesome that they went for the win! Cunning Stunts and Buffalo Vice had an awesome game against each other. These two teams have a fun rivalry going and they always play close games. I had said this was a championship preview, but the injection of the WoodPeckers into the division messes that up a bit. Not So Sticky got a win over Juiced before they went down to D6, but both teams played a really fun, positive game. NSS looked pretty good out there to start their franchise.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice vs Practice Squad (+7) – This is going to be a fun one. Practice Squad’s debut was moved back a week for D4, but there’s no doubt in my mind that they can hang in the division. This game will show just how close they’ll be to competing for the title. B vs Andy is a QB matchup for the ages. It’ll be close, but BUFFALO VICE BY 3

 

Woodpeckers vs Freeballers (+5) – Well, for anyone that thinks D4 is still too low for the Peckers (heh), this isn’t the matchup to show that they belong here. Freeballers have been rough since they started in the league and they’ve yet to show anyone that they belong in D4. If what I heard about WP is true, I don’t know if Freeballers can keep up. WOODPECKERS BY 18

 

Cunning Stunts vs Freeballers (+15) – Freeballers get more points here, simply because they’ll be playing a team with a good QB this game. Add into the fact that they have a roster of baller girls who have played together for years now, and it doesn’t bode well for FB. CUNNING STUNTS BY 14

 

Tox vs Not So Sticky (+11) – There is zero way this game doesn’t have some sort of bet on it between Topper and Jeff Krol. I don’t know what it will be, but I look forward to hearing about it. Not So Sticky looked good last week, but it was against a team that’s now in D6. TOX will be a much tougher test for them. TOX BY 8

 

Jabronies vs Itches and Ohs (+4) – The Jabronies give the points, but I really don’t know what to expect from this franchise this season. It really sounds like they fell apart, which is a shame because Joe Miano is a good QB that deserves a really good team around him. He’s come a long way. Itches and Ohs impressed last week, and while they were apparently shorthanded, I’m interested to see how they look with the full team. ITCHES AND OHS BY 1

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Breast Friends 35, Puckett All-Stars 22

Wasted Potential 36, University Wealth Management 6

Breast Friends 47, Wasted Potential 36

Zack Attack 20, Show Me Dem TDs 19

ILF 42, The Bambs 38

 

               Travis’ gender team got off to a rousing start this season, going 2-0 and looking like early D5 favorites, which was probably why he started them in D5 to begin with. It’s good to see Puckett back, but shaking off the rust against a brand new gender team can be jarring, so I don’t think we saw exactly what they can be this season yet. Wasted Potential walked all over UWM, but I think everyone will be doing that this season. They hung with BFs and could definitely beat them in a rematch. Zack Attack snuck a win out against SMDTDs in a very closely contested game that could’ve gone either way. The Bambs showed they can play in D5 without a problem, even in defeat. The Dave Baker QB experience started off pretty well for ILF, and they really put points on the board. They’ll be fun to watch this season.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All-Stars vs University Wealth Management (+19) – This will be a much better game to gauge how well Puckett is going to fair this season. If UWM is going to compete this season, they’ll need to step it up for this game. It’s an early season game where both teams could really use the win. It’ll be fun. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 3

 

Breast Friends vs Zack Attack (+8) – Zack Attack looks to knock off the BFs, and they’ll present a much better challenge for them than they faced last week. It’ll be fun to see how the girls look against a team with D5 championship hopes. BREAST FRIENDS BY 6

 

Show Me Dem TDs vs University Wealth Management (+12) – Jon Senn and Company take on Team Keller who will be playing their second game of the day. That’s a good time for Show Me to catch them. SHOW ME DEM TDs BY 18

 

Breast Friends vs The Bambs (+1) – The BFs play their FOURTH game of the season already, but I think this one will present the toughest challenge for them. The Bambs are tall, fast, and can score. Last season they ran all over the gender teams in D6, and while having Travis on defense is much better than what they faced last year, he can’t be everywhere on the field. Look for some long TDs by The Bambs here as they run to a win. THE BAMBS BY 9

 

ILF vs Show Me Dem TDs (+3) – I don’t think Show Me is quite ready to contend for the D5 title as they figure things out. Once they figure out “Life without Chris Nelson”, they’ll be good, but that takes time. ILF is rolling, and Andrew Kicak has cultivated a fun team that plays for each other. I’ll take that every time here. ILF BY 10

 

ILF vs Zack Attack (+5) – This is the lowkey really fun game that nobody recognizes. I feel like this will be a back and forth affair that will come down to whoever blinks first. Who will that be though? I think its Zack Attack. ILF BY 2

 

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Blitzkrieg 19, Victorious Secret 16

Travis Henry’s Kids 43, Lenny’s Ladies 16

Graves Bros 43, Spinelli’s Plumbing 30

Tater Tots 40, The BiPolar Express 28

Woodpeckers 32, TMA 15

TMA 39, Tater Tots 9

 

               Blitzkrieg started off a little underwhelming against a new gender team to the league (even if they’ve played together for a bit otherwise), but I expected more points. Travis Henry’s Kids took advantage of some roster issues for Lenny’s Ladies and showed they’ll be a team to watch out for in the division. Graves Bros did exactly what they were supposed to do and win convincingly as they march towards finally winning the D6 title. The Tater Tots put up a nice win against BPX as the gender team is getting their mojo back. TMA was unfortunate to have to play the Woodpeckers (yes, Brent being there would’ve made the difference, AND they were missing Ferger? Yikes.) but they made up for it with a big win against the Tots. Johnny Dio looked good in spot duty, which can only mean a QB controversy is on the way.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Graves Bros vs TMA (+9) – A potential championship preview? Maybe? Hopefully TMA will be at full capacity this week so we can get an accurate reading on just how close (or far?) they are from FINALLY winning a championship. GRAVES BROS BY 4

 

Tater Tots over Blitzkrieg (+5) – Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m sort of adopting Blitzkrieg. I love them. They’re my new faves in the division. I want to see more points guys. The Tots – BK game is going to be a good one. The Tots had a hiccup against TMA last week, and I don’t think its indicative of who they are. Big matchup, I’ll take the points. Allie and Red Hoodie Guy both score here. BLITZKRIEG BY 8

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Blitzkrieg (+1) – After winning the opening game, Blitzkrieg goes 1-1 on the day to a Spinelli’s team that played well and have been coming along in the last season or so. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 1

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Tater Tots (+3) – THK’s debut was a good one, but this is their real first test in their short history in the TSL. If they’re really making noise this season, they need to come out and win this one. I think they’re more inspired than the Tots, who will be playing in their fourth game in two weeks. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 3

 

The BiPolar Express vs Juiced (+3) – Thank God. Imagine the bloodbath if the Woodpeckers were here. Juiced is still figuring things out and their females aren’t really close to how good BPX’s are. That’s big for teams trying to compete against the established gender teams. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 8

 

Victorious Secret vs Lenny’s Ladies (+5) – Okay, it’s not Matty’s Angels vs Cunning Stunts (yet) but let’s celebrate another matchup of our AWESOME ladies in the league going to battle! This will be awesome, and it’s going to be a great way to close out Week 2. I expect a close and exciting matchup here! LENNY’S LADIES BY 2

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. How will the Woodpeckers fare in D4? Are they too good for it? Is this just right for them? You’d think based on what the league was saying that they were all NFL players beating up on TMA, but they only won 32-15. Just how much will their QB limit them? It’s very interesting to see where we’ll be at.

 

2. Who is Sticky Hands Blonde Chick on the Untouchaballs? Multiple people emailed, faxed, and texted me about her and how she needs to get some great publicity for her awesome play. We need to find out more about her. Hell, we need to know more about the Untouchaballs as it is. EMAIL ME. ANY OF YOU.

 

3. How much longer is D1 going to exist as is? Look at those lines. This is a clear 3 team division where the other teams would be in the mix for the D2 title. Either we need to get other teams better, or maybe it really is time to just combine D1+D2.

 

4. Who will win QB of the Year in D2? Look at this: Matty Ice, Topper, Dean Thompson, Scotty Dro, Dubey. These are all established TSL names that are great. Add in the newcomers in Jordan Lawson and Jeremy “Hogan” Olsen and you have 7 amazing QBs in the division (along with one up and comer in Dylan Day). This is going to be the hardest award to win.

 

5. Who is ready for Breakfast Club? The TSL’s best (and worst) kept secret is up to 8 teams as it kicks off its regular season this week. BC is one of the most fun experiences a TSL player can do, and it’s the best way to make brand new friends you wouldn’t normally talk to. GET THE MIMOSAS READY!

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Shout out again to Juiced, who stepped up by stepping down to D6 and really helped prevent a bigger issue from developing. They get some beers or something.

 

2. It’s really nice hearing the old intros to the TSL podcast with Lenny and Rameer in them. It’s great the podcast is back AND that Topper is on them every time! So far.

 

3. I got this email too late for last week’s article, but it seems that Travis and Topper are betting on games based off the lines for each week, one from each division. The winner of each week gets $5, but the overall winner at the end gets a Steak Dinner. That’s fun. This week, Travis has: Peachy Platoon (+1), Victorious Secret (+5), and Wolfpack(-1). Topper has Eyes Downtown (-17), Practice Squad (+7), and Show Me Dem TDs (-12).

 

4. The biggest complaint from TSLers to me that wasn’t Pecker related? Sunburn. Wear. Your. Sunscreen.

 

5. DJ JIMMY IS GOING TO BE LIVE AT THE FIELDS THIS WEEK! LETS GOOOOOO!!!

 

6. Great work to all of you TSLers out there for nailing the COVID protocols and making for a very, very smooth Week 1. You guys rock, keep it up!

 

7. Breakfast Club Predictions: Robin’s Nest 42 - The Emigos 34, Drive Me Currazy 38 – Steph It Up A Notch 22, Peanut Butter Kelly Time 34 – Stone Cold Kellers 22, and Great White Clarkes 28 – Valkyries 24.

 

8. BONES! Matty Ice’s newest pup was a huge hit at the fields, I got so many pictures from so many TSLers. Hopefully when I’m at the fields in a few weeks, he brings him again.

 

9. Yes, please, continue to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . All of your insights into your own teams and games are a HUGE help for doing this!

 

10. Finally, I know we recently got a lot of people from Game On! to come over to our league, which is awesome. In fact, a lot of TSLers have played there before. So I’ll take a second to wish Joe Goungo all the best as he stepped down from them this week. (This is like Topper walking away from the TSL, for those who don’t know). I’d like to wish him the best in his future endeavors and wish good luck to the new people over there running things!

 

 

Go forth, and have fun. And, yeah, Be safe. I’ll see you next week.

 

I’ll be in the cut.

 

-GF

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