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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I come to you with sad news. This Saturday, September 17th, in the Year of Our Lord 2022 will be Week 5 of the TSL season. While that news in itself isn’t a bad thing, it’s the knowledge that every week after this one will officially be the “second half” of the TSL season. We have half of a season left, and it really does feel like we just started.

 

At this point in the season, we can start to look at the standings and really see who the top contenders are for this year’s Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality are and what teams really need to make a few more tweaks if they have any hope at taking home the championship.

 

Week 4 brought us a ton of fun action under a blazing September sun (which it seems like Buffalo is shaping up for another 80 degree Saturday, get ready!) so let’s take a quick look at who’s trending where.

 

GOOD

            -Tight Ends In Motion go 2-0 on the day to wash the sins of the past season away yet again, setting up a mega match with Legends this weekend.

            -No Punt Intended wins both of their games to cement their status as a D2 contender.

            -Bullet Club goes to 4-0 on the season with a win over Itches and Ohs, despite John Langley’s best efforts to give the game away.

            -Puckett All-Stars move to 4-1 on the season, and have been on a tear since losing to the Stunts in Week 1.

            -Lenny’s Ladies sweep their doubleheader to go to 3-2 on the season, as D6 continues to look competitive from top to bottom

 

NOT BAD NOT GOOD

            -Itches and Ohs take down Scott Senior’s Starting before falling to Bullet Club to go 1-1 on the day against the top D3 teams

            -Cobblestone finally gets a win, but they’re still 1-4 on the season.

            -Vaspian loses to Puckett, but beats TOX soundly, and rumors are they get their QB back finally this week

            -Blitzkrieg loses to the Ladies, but takes a big win over Not So Sticky for the race for the bye week in D6.

            -D1 teams go 3-0 in the D1/D2 crossover games, which is just boring for everyone.

 

BAD

            -After a season opening win, Practice Squad has gone 0-3-1 and haven’t looked too great on the fields.

            -Sticky Bandits go 0-2, rumors begin to swirl that championship run was a fluke last season.

            -Jeremy Burr loses to Tight Ends, leaves fields before second game, Untouchaballs refuse to take the field without their previously fearless leader.

            -Buffalo Vice Retro goes 0-2 by a combined score of 85-12, causes Caitlyn Mason to slip in Best Female Rankings.

           

 

Like I said, a lot of stuff happened last week, and we didn’t even touch on all of it. Let’s get to what you’re really here for and talk about the games that will be played this weekend upon the hallowed fields of the Rose Garden tomorrow.

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Legends 32, Sticky Bandits 24

Tight Ends In Motion 46, Sticky Bandits 32

Eyes Downtown 36, Scared Hitless 26

Eyes Downtown 54, Buffalo Vice Retro 0 (D1/D2 Crossover)

Tight Ends In Motion 49, The Untouchaballs 25 (D1/D2 Crossover)

Grey Hair Don’t Care 51, DILFs 35 (D1/D2 Crossover)

 

Legends and Tight Ends In Motion team up to put Sticky Nation back into “Little Brother” status in D1, and showing a clear line at who the main contenders for the D1 title are this season. Eyes Downtown proceeded to remind everyone who they are, scoring 90 points in two games and now find themselves in 3rd place. Grey Hair took my prediction of them losing last week to heart, and laid the smack down on the DILFs, proving along the way that the move up to D1 was the right one.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - Grey Hair did this last year: adjust to the new division, and then proceed to make some real noise in the second half of the season. They’re trending to be a tough out in the playoffs once again. Tight Ends In Motion, however, are still so incredibly hot since getting the band back together, and now with Robin back on the field (and arguably the defacto #1 female in the league instantly) they might not be stopped. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 13

 

Legends vs Tight Ends In Motion (EVEN) - Arguably the TSL’s two hottest teams face off in the biggest regular season matchup the Rose Garden has seen since Chris Cole retired. The road to the D1 championship, still the most coveted prize in all of Social Co-Ed Football in the world, goes through these two. The winner has the inside track at the bye week for the playoffs, but there’s so much more at stake. Game of the Day. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 2

 

Legends vs Scared Hitless (+9) - Scared Hitless has been playing better as of late, and they’ll be getting a Legends team that should presumably be leaving it all on the field in the game before this. That shouldn’t matter much though. The Legends are still very good, and SH isn’t on their level just yet. Yet being the key word there. LEGENDS BY 3

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits (EVEN) - One team is trending up, the other is trending downwards. Right now, they find themselves right next to each other in the standings, and while both teams don’t NEED to win, they both sure could use one. Eyes Downtown has settled in after a slow start and they’re looking to keep the momentum. Sticky is just looking to stop the bleeding from last week and show that the only fluke was last week’s losses. Feels like we need a last play of the game scenario here.  STICKY BANDITS BY 1

 

D1/D2 Crossover Bonus Game:

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Passed Our Prime (+3) - Frodo has been on a tear this season, while POP is playing okay but still trying to really figure it all out in D1. That doesn’t make them less dangerous here, but the super advanced metrics I use here in Des Moines, Iowa trend towards Frodo making the leap and being the first D2 team to win a crossover game this session. Hogan is probably going to be furious, but, FRODO SWAGGINS BY 8

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended 31, Buffalo Vice Retro 12

No Punt Intended 44, The Replacements 22

Freeballers 61, The Replacements 0

 

No Punt Intended gets their first two wins of the season while Freeballers run up the score against The Replacements. Not much else to report here. D2 used to be fun.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice Retro vs The Replacements (EVEN) - Two teams that are a combined 0-9 on the year battle it out to see which team can accidentally score more to steal a win from the jaws of defeat. Neither team woke up on Week 1 of the season expecting to be here, but here we are. Both teams need this win desperately, just for morale purposes. That can only lead me to one logical conclusion here. BOTH TEAMS TIE.

 

DILFs vs The Untouchaballs (EVEN) - Pretty much the same as the last game, except these two have won a few games between them. A really even matchup that could produce a hell of a game if both teams have all of their players. DILFS BY 8

 

No Punt Intended vs Freeballers (EVEN) - The schedule makers did NOT mean for this to happen, but Week 5 in D2 is kind of awesome. Another marquee matchup for this week against some evenly matched teams here. Both teams are playing well and winning. Both teams can score a bunch. This should be a good one. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 5

 

DILFs vs No Punt Intended (+1) - Amazingly enough, this game couldn’t be considered “EVEN” by the oddsmakers. Both teams will be coming in hot after wins (probably), so give me the team with 47,350 more years of experience combined. DILFS BY 9

 

Freeballers vs Buffalo Vice Retro (+10) - Our first D2 mismatch of the day. The Freeballers have been rolling along largely due the play of their girls, especially Taila and Jessie. This makes sense, because the males on this team are the “Who’s Who” of nondescript regular dudes. It’s not that Buffalo Vice doesn’t have the players to win games, they just can’t seem to put it all together. This isn’t that time either. FREEBALLERS BY 18

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Itches and Ohs 39, Scott Seniors Starting 36

Bullet Club 13, Itches and Ohs 9

Scott Seniors Starting 46, Practice Squad 23

 

Not a lot of D3 action as we see Itches and Ohs hand SSS their first loss of the season, but they couldn’t give Bullet Club thiers as they go 1-1 on the day. SSS would go on to get their win back on the day over a Practice Squad team that has been all out of sorts lately, and Topper has told me he’s positive it’s all Kenny’s fault.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club vs 716 (+7) - Bullet Club comes into this game on a hot streak, pulling out a win over Itches and Ohs in a game that they were without Hughes, Pistol Pete, Gordon, and Easton last week. 716 hasn’t been too terrible since jumping up to D3 from D5, but they haven’t had a huge sample size just yet. This game provides their first real test. BULLET CLUB BY 8

 

Practice Squad vs Can’t Touch This (+4) - We haven’t seen enough of Can’t Touch This this season, but so far the jump to D3 has been mixed. They suffered two early losses in Week 1 to BC and SSS, and won their last game against 716. Ryan is a handsomely talented QB with a really nice supporting cast (and those girls have come a long way from a year ago!), so the sky is the limit for them. Practice Squad is just all over the place. I don’t think anyone on PS is happy with their current results, and you know they’ll be working hard to fix it. This is the week. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

 

Scott Seniors Starting vs Get Schwifty (+12) - Schwifty hasn’t shown D3 is the place for them just yet, and they’re looking more and more like they’ll be a D4 team in the spring every week. They still have time to rewrite their narrative though, as they’ve only played 3 games so far. Meanwhile the Keller clan keeps on doing what they always do. Play football, win games, and have Scotty Dro email me to tell me how they’re best at the bar (along with Zack Attack apparently). This one should be easy for them. SCOTT SENIORS STARTING BY 15

 

Itches and Ohs vs Get Schwifty (+8) - Surprisingly, no referees have willingly stepped up to want to ref the Steve Moser vs Blase matchup just yet, and league officials can’t understand why. Jokes aside, Itches had a great win last week and they’re better than the 1-3-1 record suggests. They have talent everywhere, its a matter of getting people to show up and be on the same page. ITCHES AND OHS BY 5

 

Scott Seniors Starting vs Mountain Dew Me (+6) - MDM hasn’t gotten a ton of games in just yet (only 3) so we’re still feeling out the comeback season. They’re still the *very* fast group of humans, but they’re not quite there with putting it all together. They lost by 10 to Practice Squad, and then beat PS by 1, and snuck by Schwifty by 2. Not the most impressive record yet. Playing SSS isn’t going to help that. SCOTT SENIORS STARTING BY 10

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Cobblestone 27, Travis Henry’s Kids 7

Cunning Stunts 44, Spinelli’s Plumbing 40

Cunning Stunts 52, Buffalo Vice 32

Spinelli’s Plumbing 38, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 24

Puckett All-Stars 32, Vaspian 14

Puckett All-Stars 32, Zack Attack 31

Vaspian 22, TOX 0

 

Lots of D4 action last week that saw DARRYL CARR QB SUPERSTAR get his first win of the season over THK. The Stunts asserted their usual dominance, taking wins over Spinelli’s and Vice. Spinelli’s would go on to blow past ILF. Puckett continues their fantastic regular season with wins over Vaspian and Zack Attack. Vaspian would then go on to shut out TOX.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+3) - Two big, rocket armed QBs face off in what should be just a high scoring, fun affair. Spinelli’s is about as .500 as you can get: 2-2-1, scoring 190 points and allowing 189. They’ve had a little bit of everything so far this season, but it feels like they’re starting to get dialed in. THK is 0-3 and currently in 10th place in D4, which means missing the playoffs. But two of those losses are by a point, and the other was last week where they didn’t have most of their team apparently. Bottom line: THK is fine. TRAVIS HENRYS KIDS BY 2

 

Cobblestone vs Buffalo Vice (EVEN) - While it was nice to see Darryl get his first win of the session, it’s still not hiding the fact that Cobblestone is only 1-4. They’ll need to string together some wins to really make me feel like they’re a contender. Vice isn’t having their best season ever either. Currently 0-3-1 and in 9th place, they really need this win to get into the playoffs AND take the tiebreaker over Cobblestone. BUFFALO VICE BY 3

 

Cunning Stunts vs Zack Attack (+3) - Both teams have been awesome so far this season. This potential D4 title game preview should be a must watch game (as all of the gender team games are anyway), as the Zack Attack defense (now paired with an offense!) looks to slow down the girls just enough. I have this feeling they’ll pull it out. ZACK ATTACK BY 2

 

Puckett All-Stars vs TOX (+13) - This game has all of the feelings of a nature show where you see a cheetah staring down a little bunny before it attacks. Puckett has been on fire all season, blowing up the narrative that they waltz through the regular season to turn it up in the playoffs of years past. TOX is more competitive than I anticipated this season, but they’re still staring a sub-.500 season in the face once again. If they’re true D4 contenders, they need to take this game. I don’t see it. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 11

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Today’s Feast 51, Woodpeckers 22

TMA 35, Come From Behind 34

 

Today’s Feast continues to improve, this time taking out the Woodpeckers along the way, who are struggling a bit. TMA takes a one point victory over Come From Behind, which is exactly the exciting game that was expected of these two.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs Woodpeckers (+6) - I can’t ever figure out if PWI is good or not. Luckily, neither can they. They’re 2-3 with a -2 Point differential. But they’ve gotten smacked around by TMA, Come From Behind, and Today’s Feast while only beating Let’s Get Reccked who aren’t exactly world beaters just yet. Yet somehow they seem like they could be in the mix for the title if you sleep on them. The Woodpeckers have been plagued by some bad drops and roster issues all season. I’d give them more grief but the truth is that this is what they did last year before winning the D6 title, so I’ll let them do what they do right now. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 15

 

Come From Behind vs Today’s Feast (+7) - Today’s Feast has quietly slid into 3rd place in the D5 standings, and while they’re trending upwards, this game is a real test for them. Come From Behind has been lights out all season (even in defeat) and Paul LoVullo has turned back the clock to 1963 when he first started playing QB. Yes, there’s a decent chance he invented the forward pass, and yes, there’s an even better chance he’s the master of it. COME FROM BEHIND BY 13

 

TMA vs Come From Behind (EVEN) - Round two it is. TMA and CFB just had a classic game, so why not run it back? I don’t love that the schedule worked out this way, having these teams meet again so quickly, but it happens. Let’s go with the more intriguing scenario here. This time, CFB pulls it out. COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

 

TMA vs Let’s Get Reccked (+12) - Tell me if you’ve heard this before. TMA is 5-0, clicking on all cylinders, looking to be the top seed in the playoffs and are the odds on favorite to win the championship. Yeah, me too. Sadly, even if you’ve heard this story 7 times already, 97% of the time it ends in tragedy. I think TMA has made the proper roster adjustments to be as dialed in as possible this season though. Let’s Get Reccked has a long way to go if they’re going to be taken seriously, as new teams need time to develop chemistry. They’re already really good at the bar though, so they’ve got Step 1 down at least. They’re not ready for TMA. TMA BY 17

 

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Lenny’s Ladies 41, Blitzkrieg 30

Lenny’s Ladies 34, Punt Cakes 22

Blitzkrieg 35, Not So Sticky 31

 

The TSL’s most competitive division stayed that way as Lenny’s Ladies had a big week in knocking off Blitzkrieg and Punt Cakes. BK would later go on to beat Not So Sticky in a battle of the division’s current top teams.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Not So Sticky vs Two Tuddies (+5) - Oh phenomenal. These two “rivals” meet on the field yet again, and you just never know what will happen. Sometimes they tie. Sometimes a female QB puts up 77 points. Mayhem. NSS won’t look as good because they’ll be sober (its an 11AM game) but they’ll still walk away with a big win. NOT SO STICKY BY 8

 

Superior Moser Squad vs Two Tuddies (+10) - The biggest issue the Tuddies are going to have against SMS is that they’ll struggle to keep up with the gender scores. The Tud Buds are still working in their new female players and getting everyone on the same page. That’s a lot different than a family team that’s done this for decades. SUPERIOR MOSER SQUAD BY 12

 

Superior Moser Squad vs Lenny’s Ladies (EVEN) - The Ladies had a great week to move to 3-2 this season, and SMS sits at 2-2 themselves. This should be a fun game for sure. But I think there’s one thing everyone wants this game. With Lauren or Rylee throwing for SMS, I think it would be awesome if Lenny’s Ladies had a female QB this week too. Let’s get an all female QB game going! SUPERIOR MOSER SQUAD BY 3

 

Blitzkrieg vs Punt Cakes (+5) - Blitzkrieg has been doing BK things so far this season, and it feels more like they’re fine tuning some stuff for the playoffs. Punt Cakes is still figuring out just about everything else. It usually takes a session to really get going in the TSL, so hopefully the Cakes aren’t getting too frustrated with the lack of results. BLITZKRIEG BY 14

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. How do you feel about the Female Rankings that just came out? I’m not entirely sure they’re correct. I feel like they really got these ones wrong on the committee, and I was thinking that we should have the females themselves vote on it. Could you imagine that fun?

 2. Who are the most surprising teams so far this season? Puckett All-Stars have been tremendous this season. They’re not usually this good during the season and I love it. On the downside of things, Practice Squad is just all of out sorts right now and that’s a surprise too.

 3. Did you get your final final rosters in? Due to some new teams not understanding the rules, and some old teams being banana heads, The TSL opened up rosters for everyone to be able to add anyone that isn’t already on a team to their roster. You have until noon today (Friday) to do it, so hopefully if you didn’t see the email from Jeff Krol, you read this article early in the day.

 4. Are all players on two teams reffing? There are more than a few “notable names” on two teams this season that haven’t reffed at all just yet. Most of them are female players (and a bunch on the Top TSL Females list), but if they don’t referee they won’t be eligible for two co-ed teams next session. (They can still play on a gender team though). And I’m SURE there are a lot of males on two teams that haven’t reffed their games yet that won’t be eligible for two teams next season. Start getting your games in, don’t wait until the last minute!

 5. Can I be on the podcast? Yes! Of course! The TSL podcast is always looking for new guests each week, so if you want to be on just ask Jeff Krol, Joe K, Emily Schilling, or really anyone (if you don’t know who those people are) and they’ll direct you to them to get it set up.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 1. I really hope Tight Ends In Motion beats Legends this weekend, simply so that we can have a proper D1 title race.

 2. There are currently 6 undefeated teams left in the TSL so far. Legends, TEIM, Frodo Swaggins, Bullet Club, Cunning Stunts, TMA. Lots of long time TSL Franchises getting it done this season (and the Legends, who are just an All-Star roster of long time players so it’s basically the same thing).

 3. There are currently 5 teams without a win so far this season. Two of them are called Buffalo Vice in some way.

4. Here are the top games to watch this week:

1. 10:00 - DILFs vs The Untouchaballs
2. 11:00 - Legends vs Tight Ends In Motion
3. 12:00 - Freeballers vs No Punt Intended
4. 1:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits
5. 2:00 - Frodo Swaggins vs Passed Our Prime
6. 3:00 - Mountain Dew Me vs Scott Seniors Starting

5. Fall Breakfast Club has been great to have, except it seems as though these captains aren’t doing any bets anymore, which was the best part. How weak is that? If you see Jessie, Kayla, Stephanie, Jenna, Becca, or Amber at the fields this week, make sure to boo them.

6. Speaking of Breakfast Club predictions:

1. BDSM 38, Messy Jessies 32
2. Amber Alert 40 Jennacide 32
3. Steph Infection 47, Special Kay’s 22

7. Once again, shout out to all of the referees who have stepped up to take some games and make life easy for Garrett. Coach Jay never had it this good.

 8. Yes, There will be a Winter League yet again. No, it won’t be at the Rose Garden’s new building since, well, you know.

 9. There needs to be a “Best New Players In The TSL” rankings list. If you know any players that aren’t getting the publicity they deserve, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. today!

 10. We really could use a TSL tournament at Rich Stadium sooner or later. It’d be a blast for sure. Just a thought.

 

 

-GF OUT

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