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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’ve made it to the final stage of our magical journey through time and space. The final battles of the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality have arrived. Championship Saturday is here. On Saturday, October 21st, in the Year of Our Lord 2023, 24 teams across the TSL’s 6 divisions will compete for those 6 championships (with our 7th, Breakfast Club, already being decided) with everything they have. Blood, sweat, swearing, tears, hugs, laughter…every emotion will be on display this weekend. And chances are they’re going to be battling in the same slightly chilly, slightly windy, and a little bit rainy conditions to do it in. 

 

But who are the teams that survived Playoff Saturday? And yes, I mean survived. We were treated to some VERY interesting games. Teams won with 5 players! The rain caused a lot of slips and slides along the way that affected all of our games. Teams won in overtime. Teams won with time running out. Some teams just stomped other teams. But they weren’t the teams you expected. That’s right, Playoff Saturday lived up to its craziness yet again as TEN out of the 21 lower seeded teams pulled off upsets last week. We had two #1 seeds lose, two #2 seeds lose, two #3 seeds lose, and four #4 seeds were sent home packing as well. It potentially could’ve been even more if the D1 seeds had a game! 

 

The best part of any TSL season is the unpredictability of Playoff Saturday, and we got our money’s worth last weekend. Now, we turn our attention to Championship Saturday, where things tend to be slightly less crazy. Part of an 8-seed winning over a #1 seed is because they can capitalize on the “surprise” factor. #1 seeds tend to overlook the 0-9 or 1-8 teams that got beat up on all season, and before they know it, they’re losing and trying too hard to make a comeback that only leads to more mistakes and frustration.  But on Championship Saturday, they lose the surprise factor they had a week ago. An upset is much harder to pull off. But, as always, they still happen. A lot. 

 

The finish line for the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality is within sight. Teams will be clawing at each other to be the first one over the line. But who will it be? Luckily for you, I’m here to tell you. 

D1: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#5 Frodo Swaggins 35, #4 Sticky Bandits 25

 

Frodo Swaggins have played 11 games total this season. 4 of those games have come against Sticky. 3 of those games have resulted in wins for Frodo. Frodo only has 3 wins on the season. Their reward? The 3 time defending champion Legends. 

This Week’s Games:

 

#1 Legends (7-2) vs #5 Frodo Swaggins (2-8)

 

Points For: Legends 39.00 (2nd), Frodo 31.10 (5th)

Points Against: Legends 32.67 (3rd), Frodo 49.00 (5th)

TSL Rank: Legends 2nd, Frodo 45th

Past Games: 52-40 Legends, 61-24 Legends

Line: Legends (-10)

The ride for Frodo has been pretty fun the last few weeks, but they’re about to run into a dose of reality. The Legends have felt like they were toying with the league all season as though they were bored: trotting out different QBs, players missing games, fun plays, etc. And they’re still 7-2 and the TSL’s 2nd ranked team. (The #1 ranked team? Cunning Stunts, also QB’d by Joey Batts). Now they’re going to take a game seriously? Yikes. LEGENDS BY 14

#2 Eyes Downtown (7-2) vs #3 Losing Streak (4-5)

 

Points For: ED 41.89 (1st), LS 36.00 (3rd)

Points Against: ED 30.78 (1st), LS 32.11 (2nd)

TSL Rank: ED 3rd, LS 30th

Past Games: 34-24 ED, 47-33 ED

Line: Eyes Downtown (-7)

Eyes Downtown had a very good season in which they went 7-2, and all of their new pieces of the championship puzzle (Derek, Katie, Amber, Kyle…what a job in free agency) really figured out their places on the team quickly. It resulted in Eyes Downtown arguably being the best team in D1, at least by the stats, but a failure to beat the Legends more often put them into a dangerous matchup against Losing Streak. Don’t let the 4-5 record fool you, Losing Streak has just as much talent as the teams above them. Any team that trots out Chris, Ralph, Keyon, Stoner Dave, etc are going to be good. Don’t forget that having Robin, Crystal, and Brit isn’t exactly a bad thing. The talent is there, putting it all together (and having everyone show up at once) has been the slight challenge this season. This one should be an exciting game. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

The Prediction: Legends vs Eyes Downtown. It may be chalk, but these two have been on a D1 collision course since before the season began. The storylines are immaculate. Legends getting Andy to play with them to make their roster even better leads to Tight Ends folding, which leads to Eyes Downtown getting much stronger overall. If Legends lose, they have themselves to blame. It’s so very hard to choose here. Both of these teams come across like they’re family. They hang out outside of football. They do it right. With respect to the Stunts, they’re the best two teams in the TSL. I hate giving the Legends bulletin board material, but screw it. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 1

D2: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Freeballers 47, #8 Practice Squad 22

#7 Scared Hitless 24, #2 Can’t Touch This 13

#3 The Untouchaballs 24, #6 THREAD 6

#5 Cle-Avengers Assemble 27, #4 Mavericks 22

The Freeballers took care of business and got a little bit of revenge against Practice Squad from last season’s playoff upset. Scared Hitless reminded the TSL that they’re much better than they’ve shown all season, upsetting Can’t Touch This, which I accurately predicted last week. I tried to tell you. The Untouchaballs were fantastic in their dismantling of THREAD, setting up a match with Cle-Ass as Travis and Co beat the Mavericks in a close game. 

This Week’s Games:

#1 Freeballers (7-2) vs #7 Scared Hitless (2-7)

 

Points For: FB 41.22 (1st), SH 27.33 (7th)

Points Against: FB 26.78 (1st), SH 34.22 (4th)

TSL Rank: FB 5th, SH 40th

Past Games: 42-32 FB, 38-19 FB

Line: Freeballers (-10)

As great as the Scared Hitless story was from last week, they’re still a flawed team that’s missing a piece. They got a perfect matchup in CTT, and they took advantage of it. Now they’re getting the Freeballers, a team that’s rounding into form for a run in D1 next spring, after having the top offense and defense in D2 this season. Can Scared Hitless pull off another upset? Yes. Will they? FREEBALLERS BY 7

#3 The Untouchaballs (6-3) vs #5 Cle-Avengers Assemble (4-5)

 

Points For: UT 37.67 (3rd), Cle-Ass 32.33 (5th)

Points Against: UT 27.78 (2nd), Cle-Ass 34.33 (5th)

TSL Rank: UT 16th, Cle-Ass 27th

Past Games: 39-27 UT, 20-8 Cle-Ass

Line: The Untouchaballs (-3) 

This feels like a little bit of a rivalry game here. Untouchaballs have been looking to reclaim the D2 title after losing it to Travis’ team last season. As always, this is a different team than last season, but it’s close enough that Burr doesn’t care and will use this matchup to fuel him. This should have the most smack talking of the day, and it should be incredibly exciting. This game is what playoff football is about. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 6

The Prediction: Freeballers vs The Untouchaballs. Well, this is fun. We get the top two teams in D2 (according to the various charts from the QB ranking articles) going head to head. These two teams just played a couple of weeks ago, with the Untouchaballs winning 37-14. That shouldn’t go unnoticed. As good as the Freeballers have been this season, the Untouchaballs have been this good in D2 for many seasons now, AND they have something to prove after last year? THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 8

D3: 

 

Last Week’s Games: 

 

#1 The Family 21, #8 716 0 (Forfeit)

#2 The Malones 36, #7 Let’s Get Reccked 20

#3 Keller Whales 35, #6 Vaspian 9

#4 Wanderers 48, #5 Bullet Club 15

 

D3 proceeded to give us the most shocking results of Playoff Saturday as the division where anyone could win really turned into the “haves” and the “have nots”, as not only did every top seed win, they did so quite easily. The Family got a bye week after 716 forfeit because they’d have only 5 players. The Malones out raced LGR, the Keller Whales locked down Vaspian, and the Wanderers looked like it was 2015 all over again. 

This Week’s Games:

#1 The Family (7-2) vs #4 Wanderers (5-4)

 

Points For: Family 45.88 (1st), Wanderers 40.44 (3rd)

Points Against: Family 31.88 (3rd), Wanderers 36.00 (7th)

TSL Rank: Family 4th, Wanderers 24th

Past Games: 40-38 Family

Line: The Family (-8)

The Family became juggernauts in D3, and haven’t really had trouble with many teams since Week 1. One team that they struggled with? The Wanderers, who only had lost to The Fam by 2 points. TSL Playoff football is a different animal, as we all know. I’ve struggled with this game for a few reasons. One, the Wanderers already showed they can keep up with The Family. Two, The Family is a FAST team, and the more I think about it, the more I realized that the amazing weather all season really helped them. That isn’t to say they aren’t talented regardless, but giving them perfect conditions all season made everything work even better. Three, it’s going to rain. The field is going to be muddy. It’s the great equalizer. Anyone who’s ever played Social Co-Ed Touch Football knows that it’s a different game. And that’s a game The Family (at least most of the roster) isn’t used to. But the Wanderers thrive in that. They’ve played in it for the last 100 years. I can NOT believe I’m saying this, but give me the team with the experience. THE WANDERERS BY 2

#2 The Malones (6-3) vs #3 Keller Whales (6-3)

 

Points For: Malones 44.22 (2nd), KW 36.33 (4th)

Points Against: Malones 33.22 (4th), KW 34.22 (5th)

TSL Rank: Malones 10th, KW 15th

Past Games: 44-34 KW, 53-30 Malones

Line: The Malones (-6)

Aren’t 2-3 seed matchups fun? The Malones have burst onto the scene, nearly winning D3, putting up tons of points, and now they’re on the TSL podcast too? (Rhace was on last week, it was a good listen, go check it out if you want to know who this team actually is.) They’re doing it all, and now they get a Keller Whales team with a boatload of experience who are having one of their best seasons in a while. Damien Keller has looked good most of the time, with some growing pains at QB sprinkled in. All-world Katie Keller, the captain of the “should be in a higher division because she’s too good” team, is a matchup nightmare for anyone. But I don’t think it’s going to matter here. Call it a hunch. THE MALONES BY 10

The Prediction: The Malones vs Wanderers. I don’t think I had this D3 final on my bingo board at the beginning of the season. It’s a fantastic tale of a brand new team in The Malones (to football, not just the TSL) against one of the most legendary social co-ed touch football teams in history in the Wanderers. The Wanderers missed out on a championship last season, losing against Can’t Touch This, so there’s some “let’s get it this time” in their favor. And the Wanderers already beat The Malones 43-33, but that was a different time. The Malones have figured out the TSL game a bit more than they had in Week 1. I don’t expect a blowout either way. THE MALONES BY 1

D4: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Cunning Stunts 61, #8 TMA 36

#2 ILF 20, #7 Father Baker 0

#3 Buffalo Vice 50, #6 Travis Henry’s Kids 14

#5 Puckett All-Stars 46, #4 PWI 32

Not exactly unsurprising here. The Stunts went out and scored 60, as they tend to do, against an overmatched TMA team (Jeff Krol owes you a written apology). ILF was masterful on defense, shutting out Father Baker, as the girls might’ve been better with anyone else at QB. Buffalo Vice scored 50, which isn’t surprising. What’s surprising is that THK couldn’t keep up. Finally, Puckett showed up and showed out in the playoffs, as they always end up doing, taking out PWI.

This Week’s Games:

#1 Cunning Stunts (9-0) vs #5 Puckett All-Stars (5-4)

 

Points For: CS 51.00 (1st), PAS 35.11 (3rd)

Points Against: CS 32.11 (4th), PAS 30.67 (2nd)

TSL Rank: CS 1st, PAS 21st

Past Games: 44-40 CS

Line: Cunning Stunts (-8)

Stop me if you’ve heard this before. The Cunning Stunts are on a tear, winning 10 straight games now, and looking to recapture a championship that has eluded them for a little bit. They get a Puckett All-Stars team that kind of coasted through the season, but has already upset one team in the playoffs. A tale as old as time: the Stunts look hot and they get the greatest “underdogs” in TSL history, which usually results in a major upset that we talk about for years. The Stunts only beat Puckett by 4. Puckett has females that can keep up with the Stunts’ ladies. One of these times the Stunts have to win here, right? Right. CUNNING STUNTS BY 6

#2 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (6-3) vs #3 Buffalo Vice (5-4)

 

Points For: ILF 28.78 (7th), Vice 38.11 (2nd)

Points Against: ILF 23.44 (1st), Vice 34.11 (6th)

TSL Rank: ILF 18th, Vice 19th

Past Games: 37-8 Vice

Line: EVEN

It’s one hell of a matchup here in D4, as two evenly matched teams come out to do battle in ILF and Buffalo Vice. This game will come down to one thing: how well ILF’s vaunted defense does against the high scoring offense of Buffalo Vice. Last time these two met, it didn’t go too well, as Vice put up 37 in an easy win. While ILF certainly learned from that game, the issues I see arising are if ILF can make the right adjustments on BOTH sides of the ball. Even if they have Vice score 10 points less and they score 10 more on their side, that’s still a 27-18 loss. It feels like this is the perfect matchup for Vice, as long as they don’t beat themselves. BUFFALO VICE BY 10

The Prediction: Cunning Stunts vs Buffalo Vice. A bit of a rivalry over the last few seasons, this one is a great matchup to end the Fall season on. (For those not paying attention, the D4 final is the last game of the day at 3:00). Expect a high scoring affair, but at the end of the day the story has been about the Stunts all year. They don’t feel as vulnerable as they have in the past. This season has felt like they’ve been on a mission, and there’s only one way I see this game going. Mission Complete. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games: 

 

#8 Not So Sticky 43, #1 Spinelli’s Plumbing 34

#7 Cobblestone 26, #2 Come From Behind 18 (OT)

#6 Goatsack! 27, #3 GUCCI 26

#4 Creekers 38, #5 BAADies 0

Chaos reigns supreme in D5 as the Top 3 seeds all fall. Not So Sticky does it again, waiting until the playoffs to really bring it, pulling the upset win. Cobblestone not only beat Come From Behind in OT, they did it with only 5 players, which is remarkable. Goatsack! got a huge win over GUCCI to advance, and the Creekers answered any questions about if they could handle a gender team with an easy shutout victory to move on. 

This Week’s Games:

 

#4 Creekers (6-3) vs #8 Not So Sticky (0-9)

 

Points For: Creekers 31.22 (6th), NSS 20.11 (8th)

Points Against: Creekers 25.44 (2nd), NSS 38.22 (7th)

TSL Rank: Creekers 14th, NSS 48th

Past Games: 28-8 Creekers

Line: Creekers (-10)

The Creekers find themselves entering Championship Saturday exactly how they expected: As the top seed in the playoffs remaining. They just didn’t think they’d be doing it as the 4th seed. The Creekers came in and handled business last week, and now they have a much easier path to a title than they imagined they would at this time a week ago. With that said, Not So Sticky has a habit of playing great football when it counts. NSS is a smart team, loaded with players that have played in (and owned) football leagues for years. The Creekers are still relatively newer, so they have to stay on their toes if they want to advance. Not So Sticky will give them a battle, but the Creekers move on. CREEKERS BY 3

#6 Goatsack! (3-5-1) vs #7 Cobblestone (3-6)

 

Points For: GS 29.44 (7th), Cobblestone 32.44 (5th)

Points Against: GS 35.22 (6th), Cobblestone 34.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: GS 34th, Cobblestone 38th

Past Games: 29-28 GS

Line: EVEN

Goatsack pulled a fantastic one point upset over GUCCI that most people didn’t see coming last week. Now they get a Cobblestone team they pulled out a one point victory over during the regular season in the next round of the playoffs that pulled out a shocking victory of their own. A 5-man OT victory over CFB is about as shocking as things could get. I’m happy for both of these teams, even though I don’t think I’d have ever bet that one of them will be in the championship game. There’s just something about this Cobblestone team lately, that they’ve really turned things around in the second half of the season. Andy is a great QB for Goatsack!, but I’m going to believe in one of the greatest of all time. COBBLESTONE BY 6

The Prediction: Creekers vs Cobblestone. I’m sure everyone expected this matchup in the finals. What a storyline this game is. Creekers, coming off a season where they went winless, find themselves in the championship game against Darryl Carr QB Superstar and the rest of Cobblestone. Cobblestone, despite playing for a decade, has NEVER won a championship. We’re so close to a Cobblestone championship, and despite all the good the Creekers have done this season, they’re going up against a team of destiny. FINALLY. GET THE CORONAS ON ICE! COBBLESTONE BY 8

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#8 Back That Pass Up 31, #1 Balls Deep 20

#2 Blitzkrieg 41, #7 Just Get Open 23

#6 Mighty Drunks 28, #3 Pit Harade 27

#5 Two Tuddies 33, #4 Sausage McMuffins 18

 

Back That Pass Up not only pulled off the upset over Balls Deep, they did it with 5 players. Vegas would’ve paid that out at +1000000. I guess that’s why people weren’t talking about Balls Deep all that much. Huge win for BTPU. Blitzkrieg took care of business against JGO. Mighty Drunks capped a big comeback win over Pit Harade at the end of the game and Two Tuddies figured out what was wrong with their offense finally, getting a win over the McMuffins.

This Week’s Games:

#2 Blitzkrieg (6-3) vs #8 Back That Pass Up (1-8)

 

Points For: BK 31.44 (3rd), BTPU 17.22 (8th)

Points Against: BK 29.67 (5th), BTPU 34.56 (8th)

TSL Rank: BK 8th, BTPU 47th

Past Games: 37-0 BK

Line: Blitzkrieg (-10)

Blitzkrieg won their first round matchup expecting to have to prepare for an incredibly tough path to a championship. Instead, as the smoke cleared, they found themselves as the only top seed remaining in D6, realizing the path to a title got a little bit easier. After quite a few heartbreaks over the years, this team is in the driver’s seat for their first ever championship. They shouldn’t take any opponent for granted. BTPU was led by James “Hitman” Hearn and QB Buddy Lee to the upset of the century. I don’t think they expected it either when they walked to the fields with only 5 players, but fate smiled upon them last week. It’s a fantastic story, but in reality they’re facing a Blitzkrieg team that just shut them out recently in a 37-0 win, and even if BTPU gets a few players back this week they didn’t have then, I can’t imagine it’ll matter. BLITZKRIEG BY 14

 

#5 Two Tuddies (4-5) vs #6 Mighty Drunks (4-5)

 

Points For: TT 24.11 (7th), MD 32.89 (2nd)

Points Against: TT 27.11 (4th), MD 31.78 (6th)

TSL Rank: TT 28th, MD 31st

Past Games: 27-14 TT

Line: EVEN

Last week, the Two Tuddies got their groove back on both sides of the ball and cruised to an easier than expected win over the McMuffins. The Mighty Drunks found a way to win with a late TD to beat Pit Harade. These teams have been quite similar all season, in that neither has been very consistent. At times, both teams were considered best in the division, and at other times everyone else was wondering what was wrong with them. None of that matters now. Both teams possess game changing players (Chris for TT, Cam for MD), and talented QBs as well. This one will come down to who blinks first. MIGHTY DRUNKS BY 7

The Prediction: Blitzkrieg vs Mighty Drunks. Both teams possess athletic players on both sides of the ball, both have good females, and both can score points. The Drunks beat BK 54-15 earlier in the season, which only tells me that BK was missing Light Red Hoodie Guy and that game shouldn’t count. The metrics say these two teams are evenly matched, with BK about 0.67 “better” than the Drunks. But this is Fall Blitzkrieg. This title is theirs for the taking. It’s time. BLITZKRIEG BY 6

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• Which division interests you the most? With the teams remaining, it has to be D3. All of those teams can be evenly matched, and there’s a fun blend of completely new team (Malones), new team that has old TSL vets on it (The Family), team that’s been around for a bit (Keller Whales), and team that’s been around even longer with mostly the same roster (Wanderers). D3 is the only division where I will not be surprised to hear that any of the remaining teams win the title. (Okay, maybe D4 has that going for them too.)

 

 

 

• Which prediction are you most confident in? None of them. If I had to “rank” them in terms of most confidence to least: Cunning Stunts, Untouchaballs, Blitzkrieg, Cobblestone, Eyes Downtown, The Malones. 

 

 

 

• If you had to pick alternate winners for each division, who are they? Legends, Freeballers, The Family, ILF, Creekers, Two Tuddies. 

 

 

 

• What are the best “Storyline” title games possible? Legends vs Eyes Downtown is just it in D1. D2 would be Scared Hitless upsetting the Untouchaballs in the “Melanie Bowl”. D3 is The Family vs The Malones, the new guys to D3 coming in and marching to a title game that should set scoring records. D4 is Stunts vs ILF I guess, just to put the best defense against the best offense (and the Stunts only won 27-26 when they played). D5 is Cobblestone vs Not So Sticky, just to get the 7-8 matchup, with Jeff Krol standing in Darryl’s way. And D6 is Back That Pass Up vs Two Tuddies, the preseason best vs worst where BTPU has already beaten the Tuddies this season for their only win. 

 

 

• Does the rain really play that much of a factor? In a word, yes. The ball is harder to catch and throw which means the ball can slip out of a QB or a WR’s hands. The ground is going to get muddy, especially as the day goes on, which will slow down the speedsters and EVERYONE will be slipping on offense and defense. Don’t be surprised if a game winning TD happens because the defense fell going for a tag. Wear Cleats, and go buy a cleat cleaner if you don’t already have one. And bring towels for the ball. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

• Congratulations to Steph’s Misty-rious Infection for winning the Breakfast Club championship 35-17 over Becca. Steph’s 3rd title in 4 seasons. 

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• All of them. It's Championship Saturday! 

 

 

 

• I know you’re reading this because you want every last drop of TSL goodness in your system, even if you don’t have a game tomorrow. But who cares if you’re playing? Grab a raincoat, an umbrella, wear a garbage bag, and get yourself to the fields. Lots of teams show up to watch the finals, and then celebrate a great season at the bar with everyone before we have 6 months off….

 

 

 

• ….except for the indoor season, where details are coming very soon. 

 

 

 

• FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8TH IS THE TSL BANQUET. I want to make sure you know! The TSL’s biggest party of the year is at the Hotel Lafayette, and it’s a wedding without the wedding. TSLers dress up in suits and dresses, there’s awards, there’s an open bar, there’s dancing, there’s an open bar, and it's a GREAT way to say goodbye to the season. Tell everyone you know about it! 

 

 

 

• With that in mind, Jeff is looking for you to vote on who you think should be nominated for the TSL awards! We give awards for Best Male, Best Female, and Best QB in each division, Most Underrated, Most Beloved, Best Defender, Best Referee, Biggest Villain, Best at the Bar (which team always rocks the bar), Team of the Year, Executive of the Year, and the Leonard Alba Person of the Year award. DON’T WORRY IF YOU DON’T ANSWER ALL OF THEM. Even if you just do your own division and that’s it, that’s okay. If you don’t know names, just describe them and what team they’re on. “The girl with the hair on the purple team” is okay, Jeff will just have some work to do. Here’s the link, you can only vote once: 

 

 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1b7wXOTlmRE1GWPGFeSdfVzA2PBXLW3nunmU0A_idxks/viewform?edit_requested=true

 

 

• As always, treat other players and referees with respect. I was told of a few instances where refs gave penalties to players being jerks mid-game, as they’re instructed to do so. They’re going to call it, so just keep it together! 

 

 

 

• Darryl Carr QB Superstar finally winning a championship with Cobblestone would be one of the best TSL stories ever. It makes me want to fly in to see it. I used to love playing against him. 

 

 

 

• I already am doubting my predictions so here’s the actual ones: Legends, Freeballers, Wanderers, Puckett, Cobblestone, Blitzkrieg. That’s what I’d bet on. 

 

 

 

• I was informed to remind everyone that tomorrow is Kelly Kane’s big Halloween party, October 27th is the TSL Costume Party at the Rose Garden, and people are trying to get the Costume Bowl on October 28th at 11:00am going, so if you’re interested you can sign up at the bar this weekend, you can respond on Facebook, on telegram, and wherever else you can. Tell Becca, Kory from Two Tuddies, Garrett, Joe K, and whoever else may be involved. 

 

With that, the Race For Social Co-Ed Immortality is coming to an end, and it’s going to be a spectacular ride. Good luck to the 24 teams remaining. 

 

-GF OUT

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