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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’re here! The moment you’ve all been waiting for has arrived as the Race for Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality is set to begin. On Saturday, October 14th, in the Year of Our Lord 2023 44 of the TSL’s 49 teams will be preparing to do battle at the Lenny Alba Fields behind the Rose Garden to decide the 7 championships that are on the line. Again, Breakfast Club counts, just ask Topper. The only teams that won’t be playing either have a bye into Championship Saturday (the Top 3 teams in D1) or they’ve already been eliminated from playoff contention (the two Breakfast Club teams that lost last week). 

 

But for the rest of you, Playoff Saturday is the most important thing on your plate this weekend. For 8 grueling weeks, the TSL teams have played 9 regular season games in some of the best Fall Session weather that we’ve ever had. It made the Spring Sessions jealous. Naturally, that all comes crashing down. As the stakes get higher, the elements get harder. As of right now, my Weather Channel app says that Playoff Saturday is going to be a bit of a wet one, as there is rain in the forecast, it’ll be about 52 degrees, and the wind will be about 13 mph, coming from the East. If anyone has ever played in the wind on the fields, the open space tends to make a slight breeze feel like a hurricane. Prepare accordingly. Dress accordingly. Bring a change of clothes. 

 

Do whatever is necessary for you to be ready for your shot at Immortality. You only get two chances a year to prove that you’re one of the best Social Co-Ed Football teams in history. (Three, if you count the TSL Indoor League. The minor league championships don’t really count.) Everything you’ve done since late August brought you here, to this moment. Every single team other than the Cunning Stunts has at least 2 losses. And the Stunts aren’t perfect either, as Playoff Saturday has been their biggest opponent for the last few seasons. No teams should feel safe, as we’ve consistently seen that Playoff Saturday brings us a handful (or more) of upsets. #1 seeds constantly go home early. Just ask GUCCI about last season. 

 

The TSL regular season is just the warm up rounds for the next two weeks. You use those 8 weeks to work on your offense, your defense, your time management, and whatever else needs to be corrected for THIS MOMENT. THIS WEEK. Do not think you’re just going to coast into Championship Saturday. It never ends well for teams that do. 

 

After this week, only 24 teams will remain. Are you going to be one of them? 

(Disclaimer: As usual, the lines are given to me by the TSL Official Odds Committee in Las Vegas, The “TSL Rank” is based off a league wide overall ranking using very specific qualifications that Topper came up with on a wine bender 15 years ago and can’t remember. And of course we still just go with it. The PF/PA rankings are within the division, not the league. The “Last 3” is a team’s record in the final third of their season, to show who’s coming in “hot” and who’s coming in “not”.)

D1:

 

The Contenders: 

 

Legends (2-1)

Eyes Downtown (3-1)

 

The Pretenders:

Losing Streak (8-1)

Sticky Bandits (15-1)

Frodo Swaggins (20-1)

The Story: The Legends and Eyes Downtown both improved from the TEIM fire sale, and have distanced themselves slightly from the pack. Losing Streak is still a VERY good team that can’t be slept on. Sticky Bandits go from 8-0 to 3-6 in the blink of an eye, but to say they’re not capable of winning it all would be foolish. Frodo Swaggins is starting to show signs of life in the division, and they continue to get better. The Top 3 seeds all have byes into Championship Saturday, only giving us the 4-5 “play in” game this week. 

#4 Sticky Bandits (3-6) vs #5 Frodo Swaggins (2-8)

 

Points For: SB 32.22 (4th), Frodo 31.10 (5th)

Points Against: SB 33.67 (4th), Frodo 49.00 (5th)

TSL Rank: SB 37th, Frodo 45th

Last 3: SB 1-2, Frodo 1-2

Past Games:  37-28 SB, 39-30 Frodo, 38-36 Frodo

Line: Sticky Bandits (-3)

D1’s only game this week has some potential. The Sticky Bandits are mired in a rough season that they didn’t quite expect back in August. 3-6 was never on anyone’s mind in Sticky Nation, but here we are. And to make things worse, Sticky gets to play Frodo Swaggins, who may only have two wins on the season, but they’re both against Sticky. Frodo has been playing much better this season, and they’re looking like they’re starting to really “get it” in D1. They’re a talented team, but there’s a lot of newer players to the league that are still learning the TSL game in Social Co-Ed Football’s toughest division. It’s a trial by fire that they’re slowly getting the hang of. As much as I want to call the upset here, I can’t quite bring myself to do it. Sticky pulls this out in a close one. STICKY BANDITS BY 3.

D2: 

 

The Contenders: 

 

Freeballers (3-1)

The Untouchaballs (3-1)

Mavericks (5-1)

The “Don’t Be Surprised When We Win This Thing”ers:

 

Can’t Touch This (7-1)

Cle-Avengers Assemble (7-1)

THREAD (7-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Scared Hitless (25-1)

Practice Squad (25-1)

The Story: Freeballers just figured it out and they’re on fire right now, rocketing up the standings the last few weeks. The Untouchaballs are ALWAYS contenders. The Mavericks can score in bunches, but will always worry about that defense. Can’t Touch This was the talk of the league at 6-0, but they’ve seemed to be a paper tiger ever since. Cle-Ass had a strong end to the season, as last year’s champs (sort of) can’t be counted out. THREAD has knocked off the rust and they’re looking like a hell of a veteran team you don’t want to play. Scared Hitless and Practice Squad just didn’t get the results they were hoping for this season, but as always, these two teams have a history of being Giant Killers in the playoffs, so do NOT sleep on them. 

#1 Freeballers (7-2) vs #8 Practice Squad (2-7)

 

Points For: FB 41.22 (1st), PS 19.89 (8th)

Points Against: FB 26.78 (1st), PS 37.78 (8th)

TSL Rank: FB 5th, PS 44th

Last 3: FB 3-0, PS 1-2

Past Games:  36-7 FB

Line: Freeballers (-14)

 

The Freeballers have had a rocket strapped to their backs for a few weeks now, and they’ve looked like D2’s most complete team overall. They’re first in offense and in defense. It took Scott and company a couple of seasons to really figure out what they were doing in D2, but they finally have the right personnel in place (which apparently means Hogan at QB, who knew?) and there’s just something about them this season that I really like. Practice Squad continues to hang in there in D2, and as they’ve won 2 more games this year than last year, they’re continuing to improve. What this team has done in the last few years is nothing short of impressive: Win D6, Lose D5 in OT, Win D4, Win D3 as an 8 seed, move to D2 and compete. Not very many teams have made that climb, which is why I’ll always point it out so our newer readers put some respect on the name. Can B and Team Lantz get this done? If they were playing ANY other D2 team, I’d say yes. But this Freeballers team is special. FREEBALLERS BY 16

#2 Can’t Touch This (6-3) vs #7 Scared Hitless (2-7)

 

Points For: CTT 33.33 (4th), SH 27.33 (7th) 

Points Against: CTT 32.89 (3rd), SH 34.22 (4th)

TSL Rank: CTT 13th, SH 40th

Last 3: CTT 0-3, SH 0-3

Past Games:  36-23 CTT, 25-22 CTT

Line: Can’t Touch This (-7)

Can’t Touch This won D3 last spring, came into D2, and won their first 6 games to be the talk of the entire TSL. QB Ryan Dougherty could do no wrong, as he’s expertly used his talented group of guys and girls to jump out to that 6-0 start. Since then? Things haven’t gone CTT’s way. They’ve lost their last 3 games, getting blown out by Freeballers and dropping two to THREAD. Which team are we getting? Scared Hitless moved to D2 after a few tough D1 seasons. They started off great, going 2-0 in Week 1, only to start a 7 game losing streak that had some close losses, but also some blowouts too. The offense continues to struggle as SH has yet to find ways to replace the talent that’s left them over the last few seasons, although the defense is still pretty good. If Scared Hitless can slow down the CTT offense, they have a real shot at this upset. I have a feeling we’ll see SH use some of the tricks they’ve picked up in D1 and resume their role as a giant killer here. SCARED HITLESS BY 2

#3 The Untouchaballs (6-3) vs #6 THREAD (4-5)

 

Points For: UT 37.67 (3rd), THREAD 32.11 (6th) 

Points Against: UT 27.78 (2nd), THREAD 34.78 (6th)

TSL Rank: UT 16th, THREAD 33rd

Last 3: UT 2-1, THREAD 2-1

Past Games:  47-41 THREAD

Line: The Untouchaballs (-3)

We seem to have ourselves a bit of a big game right here. The Untouchaballs didn’t have their best season ever, but something tells me they’re more focused on what they do in the playoffs than how they get there. The talent is still everywhere on this team, as Jeremy Burr still has Mel, Matt, and Ryan to throw to. And lots of times, that’s all he needs. They’re talented on both sides of the ball, and when they’re on, look out. THREAD was really only a couple of plays away from being the top seed in this division (or at least #2) as they’ve lost one point games to PS AND SH. They’ve beaten Freeballers, UT, and CTT (the top 3 seeds) and are 4-0 against them. The talent is there, with Dalfonso, Turner, Smith, and other top names from 2017. They’re very capable of pulling the upset, but I think UT has another gear they didn’t hit yet this season. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 2

#4 Mavericks (5-4) vs #5 Cle-Avengers Assemble (4-5)

 

Points For: Mavs 40.00 (2nd), Cle-Ass 32.33 (5th)

Points Against: Mavs 35.22 (7th), Cle-Ass 34.33 (5th)

TSL Rank: Mavs 23rd, Cle-Ass 27th

Last 3: Mavs 2-1, Cle-Ass 2-1

Past Games:  30-21 Mavs

Line: Mavericks (-6) 

These two teams are very similar in that they’re right in the middle of the standings and both believe they could’ve been higher if not for some roster issues on some weeks and if they had made one more play here or there. The Mavericks are an offensive machine with Jordan Lawson running the show. He consistently uses his top notch females and tall guys to move the ball all over the field. The Mavericks’ Achilles heel since joining the TSL, however, has been their defense, which is near the bottom of the division. Cle-Ass are the sort of defending champions only because Travis had to revamp the roster a bit. But he did it quite well, adding female superstars like Maggie and Casey. They got off to a slow start, mostly because they didn’t play much early in the season, but they’ve been on a roll since. They’re 2-1 in their last three, but that loss was a 1 point loss to the Freeballers. Cle-Ass has shown they can hang with anyone. There’s going to be points scored in this one, and it’s going to be close. CLE-AVENGERS ASSEMBLE BY 2

D3: 

 

The Contenders: 

 

The Family (2-1)

The Malones (3-1)

Wanderers (6-1)

Keller Whales (8-1)

 

The “I Can See It”s:

 

Bullet Club (12-1)

Let’s Get Reccked (12-1)

 

Vaspian:

 

Vaspian (20-1)

 

The Pretenders: 

 

716 (30-1)

The Story: The Family and The Malones inserted themselves into the TSL’s most competitive division as of late, started slow, and then started to walk all over the division. Keller Whales have been nothing but consistent with Damien Keller at QB. The Wanderers had a rough stretch before getting their groove back. Bullet Club started hot, lost a lot of close games, and finally won last week. LGR is the most talented 2-7 team in history, never having the whole team at one game. Vaspian was making strides before it all came crashing down for them. And 716 never quite fit in with D3. 

#1 The Family (7-2) vs #8 716 (2-7)

 

Points For: FAM 45.88 (1st), 716 28.56 (7th)

Points Against: FAM 31.88 (3rd), 716 43.22 (8th)

TSL Rank: FAM 4th, 716 43rd

Last 3: FAM 3-0, 716 0-3

Past Games:  53-38 FAM

Line: The Family (-24)

The Family was a new team to the TSL, but it was loaded with talent. They started off 1-2, but rattled off a 6 game winning streak (that they’re still on) where they just can’t stop scoring. In fact, I think they just scored RIGHT NOW somehow. They’re almost unfair. Terrell Bolden is a D1 QB hiding in D3, throwing to one of TSL best ever in Asian Pete (it’s okay he signs his emails to me that way). But then you get Leseaon Washington of Peachy Platoon fame, and budding star Brit Perry? This team is STACKED. 716 was supposed to have B at QB, but apparently Derek Pew took over and despite having some really talented players (Donte Ridgeway, James Celotto, etc) they just can’t get it together. They’ve lost their last 3 while allowing 173 points in those games, and I don’t believe that’s a defense you can just fix in one week. Getting the juggernaut that is The Family just isn’t fair. THE FAMILY BY 28

#2 The Malones (6-3) vs #7 Let’s Get Reccked (2-7)

 

Points For: Malones 44.22 (2nd), LGR 29.00 (6th)

Points Against: Malones 33.22 (4th), LGR 30.63 (2nd)

TSL Rank: Malones 10th, LGR 39th

Last 3: Malones 3-0, LGR 0-3

Past Games:  47-31 Malones

Line: The Malones (-10)

The Malones would be the absolute talk of the TSL if they weren’t in the same division as The Family, who are SLIGHTLY better. They’ve basically had the same season. The Malones started out 0-3 and then proceeded to go on a 6 game winning streak, where they averaged 47.5 points per game. They’ve done it with two QBs, although Rhace Colon has been really good, running around with his feet and his mouth, giving you old school “Matty Ice” vibes. (It’s a compliment, trust me). They’re highly confident and the biggest thing my informants have told me all season is that their girls are phenomenal. They get an LGR team that’s somehow 2-7 even with the 2nd best D in the league. A team that trots out Dave Baker, Kyle Conniff, and Ricky Recckio every week with Alex Buchlis throwing should be getting more than 2 wins. Of course, getting them there has been an issue. If they all show up, we could be seeing an upset here. But I have to see it to believe it. THE MALONES BY 8

#3 Keller Whales (6-3) vs #6 Vaspian (4-5)

 

Points For: KW 36.33 (4th), Vaspian 21.00 (8th)

Points Against: KW 34.22 (5th), Vaspian 34.44 (6th)

TSL Rank: KW 15th, Vaspian 29th

Last 3: KW 2-1, Vaspian 0-3

Past Games:  45-30 KW

Line: Keller Whales (-10)

The Keller Whales are just a very consistent team. They win more than they lose, They don’t usually put up huge amounts of points, nor do they allow huge amounts of points either. They’re right in the middle of the standings, offensive rank, and defensive rank too. Damien Keller took the reins at QB and while he has had some growing pains this season, he’s been mostly good. He has his mother and aunt (Nicole and Katie) as a pair of sure handed safety blankets, and he makes good use of Dad, Grandpa (on the sidelines with decades of knowledge) and “Uncle Eric” among others. It's a lovely family affair over here. Vaspian at one point was 4-1 and in first place in D3. Those days seem so long ago for Brian Orzo as attendance issues and drops have done him no favors on this current 4 game losing streak where they’ve been outscored 170-42. Vaspian’s usual shutdown defense hasn’t shown up much this season, and with the offense sputtering, it doesn’t make for a fun time. KELLER WHALES BY 13

#4 Wanderers (5-4) vs #5 Bullet Club (4-5)

 

Points For: Wanderers 40.44 (3rd), BC 30.00 (5th)

Points Against: Wanderers 36.00 (7th), BC 30.44 (1st)

TSL Rank: Wanderers 24th, BC 26th

Last 3: Wanderers 3-0, BC 1-2

Past Games: 43-34 Wanderers

Line: Wanderers (-4)

Now this is fun. The Wanderers and Bullet Club have had some exciting games the last two seasons, and now they get to do it in the playoffs. These two teams took similar paths to this point. Both started off hot, then lost a bunch of games in a row, and then started winning at the season’s end. These teams match up quite well. Frank Laudico plays QB like no other, and his unique style combined with Sal’s talent really causes some mismatches for the defense. Wanderers always know what to do no matter which 6 of them are on the field, and it's always fun to watch them work. Bullet Club had a few different QBs throw for them this season, but it's John Langley’s job now. He’s using George and Nick very well, and all of the ladies on the team - Steph, Ashley, Jess, Kelsey, and newcomer Lexi all have made great plays throughout the season. The BC defense has been great all year and if Deak is going to return for the playoffs, there’s a lot to like here. This may be the Game of the Day. WANDERERS BY 1

D4:

 

The Contenders:

 

Cunning Stunts (4-1)

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (5-1)

Puckett All-Stars (7-1)

Buffalo Vice (7-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (10-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (12-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Father Baker (20-1)

TMA (40-1)

The Story: The Stunts were out for blood, crushing everyone they played against for the most part. Meanwhile the 2nd through 6th seeded teams all played each other very closely and they’re all evenly matched. Father Baker struggled with some growing pains in their first season, and TMA had a rough go of it this year. 

#1 Cunning Stunts (9-0) vs #8 TMA (0-9)

 

Points For: CS 51.00 (1st), TMA 25.67 (8th)

Points Against: CS 32.11 (4th), TMA 45.67 (8th)

TSL Rank: CS 1st, TMA 49th

Last 3: CS 3-0, TMA 0-3

Past Games:  45-22 Stunts, 70-44 Stunts

Line: Cunning Stunts (-22)

An absolute David vs Goliath matchup as the TSL’s highest ranked team gets to play its lowest ranked team. The Stunts have averaged over 50 points a game this season and they’ve never looked better. Joey and his girls have been humming along, and have looked simply unstoppable. The Stunts roster is a who’s who of female talent in the TSL, and they’re just a nightmare for anyone to play against. TMA may have been hastily moved up a division with the addition of Michael Boccio-Bernal, and as a result things couldn’t have gone worse. This isn’t the TMA of old, as many of their top players have moved on. They still have talent, and they still have some of the best people in the TSL on their roster, but unfortunately this season didn’t go their way. CUNNING STUNTS BY 18

#2 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (6-3) vs #7 Father Baker (2-7)

 

Points For: ILF 28.78 (7th), FB 34.00 (4th)

Points Against: ILF 23.44 (1st), FB 43.00 (7th)

TSL Rank: ILF 18th, FB 42nd

Last 3: ILF 3-0, FB 1-2

Past Games:  36-18 ILF

Line: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (-9)

ILF ended up getting into 2nd place in the division by ending the season on a 4 game winning streak. Andrew Kicak’s squad can kinda score some points, but they mostly do their damage on defense, where they were tops in the division by over seven points. They get a good matchup in Father Baker, as the TSL’s newest gender team is still working on defense and getting Dave Baker to even show up for them. Amber Hay, Maddie Norton, Robin Makula, Jessie Kieta, and others form a ridiculously talented roster. They can’t be slept on, but the inconsistency on both sides of the ball (overall defense, whoever the QB is) tells me they’re still a season away. INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 12

 

#3 Buffalo Vice (5-4) vs #6 Travis Henry’s Kids (4-5)

 

Points For: Vice 38.11 (2nd), THK 29.78 (6th)

Points Against: Vice 34.11 (6th), THK 32.33 (5th)

TSL Rank: Vice 19th, THK 32nd

Last 3: Vice 1-2, THK 0-3

Past Games:  31-29 THK, 49-41 Vice

Line: Buffalo Vice (-3)

We get ourselves a rubber match here! Vice and THK split the season series in two very close games that could’ve gone either way. The book on Vice has been the same for years: Andy Clark is going to throw bombs to a Gonzalez or Frank Pizza and then he’s going to hit Caitlyn Mason underneath and she’s going to shred people’s ligaments with her jukes. Add in a very talented rest of the roster who have been here before, and you’ve got yourself a tough team to play against. THK took a step forward this season but not exactly as big of a step as they wanted. Langley has been good, and Pistol Pete is always excellent. The knock on THK was always their girls, but after a free agent addition to fix that didn’t work out, the THK females have all stepped up and improved, turning a perceived weakness into a bit of a strength. For whatever reason, THK always turns it up a notch or two in the playoffs. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 3

#4 Passing While Intoxicated (5-4) vs #5 Puckett All-Stars (5-4)

 

Points For: PWI 29.78 (5th), PAS 35.11 (3rd)

Points Against: PWI 30.89 (3rd), PAS 30.67 (2nd)

TSL Rank: PWI 20th, PAS 21st

Last 3: PWI 2-1, PAS 2-1

Past Games:  43-30 PWI

Line: EVEN

PWI and Puckett are two extremely closely matched teams. They’re right next to each other in the TSL rankings, they both have similar defensive rankings, and while PAS has a better offense, PWI also beat them earlier in the season. We’re looking at one of the best games of the day here. Colorado Mike has put together a great team yet again, and their record would probably be even better if not for the consistent absence of QB Buddy Lee. Everyone on this roster is talented, nobody is a weak link. On the other hand, nobody really stands out as a star either. PAS is built the same way. After a couple of seasons putting up video game numbers, Puckett has regressed back into who they’ve been for what feels like the 10 seasons before that. TJ Ferguson has been spotted throwing again, they still have some VERY talented women, I swear once a week someone emails me that “Mike Gelz caught another long one”. The only thing left for Puckett to do as “their old selves” is win D4 as a 5 seed. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 7

D5:

 

The Contenders:

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing (3-1)

Come From Behind (4-1)

GUCCI (4-1)

Creekers (6-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

BAADies (10-1)

Cobblestone (12-1)

Goatsack! (20-1)

Not So Sticky (50-1)

The Story: Spinelli’s didn’t need to drop a division as they’ve proceeded to dunk on everyone like they never left. CFB and GUCCI are once again at the top of the division and looking to avoid a horrible Playoff Saturday, again. The Creekers have some life in them for sure. The rest of the division probably doesn’t have a chance, but it’ll be fun to watch them try. 

#1 Spinelli’s Plumbing (7-2) vs #8 Not So Sticky (0-9)

 

Points For: SP 41.33 (1st), NSS 20.11 (8th)

Points Against: SP 31.56 (4th), NSS 38.22 (7th)

TSL Rank: SP 6th, NSS 48th

Last 3: SP 3-0, NSS 0-3

Past Games:  26-20 SP

Line: Spinelli’s Plumbing (-20)

Okay Spinelli’s, there was no reason for you to go to D5 you jerks. Tell me if you heard this before: Spinelli’s Plumbing, on the arm strength of Nick Hawes, is a top title contender after averaging over 40 points a game, 5 more than the 2nd place team in the division. Whatever issues they thought they may have after a season off is long gone. They’re terrific, ending the season on a 5 game winning streak and coming in hot. Not So Sticky, Not So Much. While they relish being “giant killers” in D5, this isn’t the year for them. They just feel off, and even their usual fantastic defense isn’t there this season. While they held Spinelli’s to 26 points (one of only two times they were held to under 36 points all year - Creekers held them to 23), that was in Spinelli’s first game of the season in Week 3. They shook the cobwebs out since. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 14

#2 Come From Behind (6-3) vs #7 Cobblestone (3-6)

 

Points For: CFB 36.11 (2nd), Cobblestone 32.44 (5th)

Points Against: CFB 27.00 (3rd), Cobblestone 34.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: CFB 9th, Cobblestone 38th

Last 3: CFB 2-1, Cobblestone 2-1

Past Games:  20-12 CFB, 46-30 Cobblestone

Line: Come From Behind (-6)

A QB matchup for the ages comes to Playoff Saturday as Paul LoVullo takes on Darryl Carr QB Superstar in a hair vs hair match! Okay, fine, they’re not doing a hair vs hair match but that would be fantastic. Anyway, Come From Behind had another typical CFB season this year. Great offense, very good defense, compete for the regular season title, and maybe lose a game or two they probably shouldn’t have. Paul continues to throw a football harder than people half his age, and all of the younger people make plays for them. Cobblestone really got it together in the second half of the season, and they’ve lost a couple 1 score games. They’re not a typical 7 seed, but CFB already knows that having lost to them not too long ago. This matchup has everything, and should be considered a must watch. COBBLESTONE BY 4

#3 GUCCI (6-3) vs #6 Goatsack! (3-5-1)

 

Points For: GUCCI 33.11 (4th), Goatsack 29.44 (7th)

Points Against: GUCCI 24.56 (1st), Goatsack 35.22 (6th)

TSL Rank: GUCCI 11th, Goatsack! 34th

Last 3: GUCCI 3-0, Goatsack! 0-3

Past Games:  46-32 GUCCI

Line: GUCCI (-10)

GUCCI returns to the scene of the crime on Playoff Saturday where they were upset as the #1 seed in D5 in the spring. Kelly Kane and Co. have cruised through the season, picking up where they left off. I’m sure they’re much more aware of an upset and won’t look past Goatsack! this year, which is bad news for Goatsack!. Goatsack! had an up and down season that I’m not certain they’re too happy with. 3 wins and a tie are nice, but they were only against NSS (twice), Cobblestone, and they tied the BAADies. Goatsack! is more than likely going to struggle to score against the top ranked GUCCI defense. GUCCI BY 13

 

#4 Creekers (6-3) vs #5 BAADies (4-4-1)

 

Points For: Creekers 31.22 (6th), BAADies 34.78 (3rd)

Points Against: Creekers 25.44 (2nd), BAADies 42.44 (8th)

TSL Rank: Creekers 14th, BAADies 25th

Last 3: Creekers 1-2, BAADies 1-2

Past Games:  32-26 BAADies

Line: Creekers (-3)

The Creekers come into this 4-5 matchup a little disappointed. They spent a long time atop the D5 standings before sputtering to the finish line. While their defense is top notch, the Creekers play a BAADies team that’s already beaten them. In fact, the Creekers biggest issue this season has been gender teams (GUCCI counts here because of Kelly), and they haven’t quite figured out how to beat them. With a BAADies team that has a lot of talent that can overcome Garrett at QB, this ends up being the worst possible first round matchup for Mullet Guy and the Creekers. Great band name though. BAADIES BY 7

D6:

 

The Contenders:

 

Balls Deep (4-1)

Blitzkrieg (4-1)

Pit Harade (4-1)

Sausage McMuffins (4-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Two Tuddies (8-1)

Mighty Drunks (12-1)

Just Get Open (20-1)

 

Back That Pass Up: 

 

Back That Pass Up (100-1)

The Story: Balls Deep goes 7-2 and the league apparently didn’t notice. They’re somehow underrated as a #1 seed. Blitzkrieg, Pit Harade, and the McMuffins all had very good seasons, and any of them wouldn’t surprise as a champion. The Two Tuddies are one of the biggest shockers of the season. A 4-5 record after being considered for D5 isn’t exactly what anyone expected. The Mighty Drunks are incredibly inconsistent. One week they look like world beaters, the next like they’re a brand new team. Just Get Open showed some promise for one week. Back That Pass Up is much more spry than in past seasons, but they’re still a few steps behind to even be considered a long shot for a title. 

#1 Balls Deep (7-2) vs #8 Back That Pass Up (1-8)

 

Points For: BD 31.11 (4th), BTPU 17.22 (8th)

Points Against: BD 24.11 (2nd), BTPU 34.56 (8th)

TSL Rank: BD 7th, BTPU 47th

Last 3: BD 3-0, BTPU 0-3

Past Games:  36-31 BD

Line: Balls Deep (-10)

Balls Deep comes into the playoffs riding a 4 game win streak that saw them rocket up the standings to claim 1st place. While their offense has been “just okay”, it's their defense that’s really been the story. They’re a bunch of unknowns (seriously, nobody has emailed me about them, that’s on them at this point) other than Baby Gronk, but whatever they’re doing is working. Back That Pass Up finally got their first win, and while they’ve been competitive in some games this year, there’s still a bit of growing pains going on there. Ironically one of those games they were competitive in was against Balls Deep, so maybe the idea of an upset isn’t so farfetched. But I can’t go with it. BALLS DEEP BY 8

#2 Blitzkrieg (6-3) vs #7 Just Get Open (2-7)

 

Points For: BK 31.44 (3rd), JGO 28.89 (5th)

Points Against: BK 29.67 (5th), JGO 32.89 (7th)

TSL Rank: BK 8th, JGO 41st

Last 3: BK 2-1, JGO 0-3

Past Games:  44-40 BK

Line: Blitzkrieg (-4)

Fall Blitzkrieg finished 2nd in the standings, but their metrics suggest that they’re a little bit more in the middle of the pack. That seems ridiculous, as any team that trots out league darling Light Red Hoodie Guy (and Light Red Hoodie Imposter Guy) should be favored to win the division every year. With that said, they get a Just Get Open team that never quite found their footing this season, other than a magical Week 2 of the season where they went 2-0. They’ve since lost 5 straight games, and they’ve had a few attendance issues that’s made getting on the same page a bit difficult. I think there’s upset alert potential here, but it’s not enough for me to pick it. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

#3 Pit Harade (6-3) vs #6 Mighty Drunks (4-5)

 

Points For: PH 34.33 (1st), MD 32.89 (2nd)

Points Against: PH 26.67 (3rd), MD 31.78 (6th)

TSL Rank: PH 12th, MD 31st

Last 3: PH 3-0, MD 1-2

Past Games:  52-6 MD

Line: Pit Harade (-8)

In Week 1 of the TSL season back in August, the Mighty Drunks decimated Pit Harade 52-6. Since that week, these two teams have gone in completely different directions. Pit Harade cycled through QBs before finally landing on having Rayanna becoming the starter. She’s averaged 36 points a game since taking over, routinely finding Tall Guy and Fast Guy for chunks of yards. “Fast Guy” is Sam Pezzino who shores up the PH defense as well. Gordon Kus was a welcome addition to the team, and everyone else on the PH roster improved as the season went on. The Drunks, meanwhile, went 2-5 in their last 7 games, and have been incredibly inconsistent. Jill and Kenny’s team have struggled to keep the good times rolling, partially due to attendance issues and partially due to bad play and/or drops. They’re a fast team that, when they’re on, they’re hard to beat, especially when Cam Danner is playing. This should be a close one. PIT HARADE BY 3

#4 Sausage McMuffins (6-3) vs #5 Two Tuddies (4-5)

Points For: SMM 27.89 (6th), TT 24.11 (7th)

Points Against: SMM 21.11 (1st), TT 27.11 (4th)

TSL Rank: SMM 17th, TT 28th

Last 3: SMM 3-0, TT 1-2

Past Games:  20-16 SMM

Line: Sausage McMuffins (-7)

Last year, these two were the favorites to meet in the championship game. Now they’re meeting in a 4-5 matchup after a season of ups and downs. The McMuffins are still a very good team that’s hard to score against. They have the best division in the league by far, as Alex has some really good players in Eric Pochylski and MaKensey Pietz. The problem is on offense, as they struggle to score, despite some very good play from QB Ricky. If they get into a points race, they’ll be in trouble. The Two Tuddies struggled on the season, as the D6 faves could never get it together. They come into the playoffs 1-2, and the one win was a 5 point win over Back That Pass Up, a team that beat them earlier this season. Nick Stutzman is finding his players, but they’re dropping the ball a bit too much. While the Tuddies should have hope they can turn it around, it feels more and more unlikely that it’ll happen. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 6

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• Do we HAVE to play in the rain? Yes. Unless it becomes too out of hand or there’s lightning, you’ll be playing. 

 

 

 

• Who are you predicting to win each championship? Right now, It’s hard to go against the Legends, who have seemingly been toying with the rest of D1 all year and are ready to bump it up a notch. In D2, the Freeballers just feel like the only team without any big issues right now. D3 has felt like The Family’s to lose for a while. D4? How does one go against the Cunning Stunts after that season? D5 I feel like Come From Behind can keep up with Spinelli’s, and they have a better defense. Finally in D6 Pit Harade has looked pretty good and with Ray throwing, they can pull this off, GUCCI style. 

 

 

 

• That’s a lot of chalk. Pick some others that AREN’T so easy. Fine. Eyes Downtown, I believed in you early in the season and I’ll stick with you. The Untouchaballs have been so good for so long. Look out for the Wanderers in D3, they’re on fire right now. In D4? ILF and that defense has me thinking they can do it. I didn’t pick the top seeds in D5/D6 so I’m not doing it again. 

 

 

 

• What are your best long shots in each division? Sticky Bandits. They’re too good to be only 3-6. If everything clicks in the playoffs, look out. THREAD should be much better than the record they have, and they know how to win in the playoffs. Let’s Get Reccked is a STACKED team with winners. Puckett All-Stars are the 5th seed but they’ve done this time and time again. It sounds crazy, but Cobblestone is playing VERY well and could finally get Darryl that first title. Last but not least, Just Get Open could’ve been playing possum this entire season. If the whole team is there, don’t be surprised if they pull this off. 

 

 

 

• Which #1 seed is mostly likely to lose (rank them in order of most to least likely), and how many survive Playoff Saturday overall? Oh my. After some thought, this was much harder than I thought. I think it goes Freeballers (Practice Squad is always good in the playoffs), Balls Deep (BTPU only lost by 5 to them), The Family (716 can maybe score?), Spinelli’s Plumbing (NSS might dig into their defensive bag of tricks), Cunning Stunts (Two upsets in a row for TMA?) and Legends (They don’t play). Personally, while I see a lot of 2-3-4 seeds getting upset, I feel like all #1 seeds make it to Championship Saturday next weekend. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR PLAYOFF SATURDAY:

 

 

• Breakfast Club Championship: BDD 45, Steph’s Misty-rious Infection 37. Becca beats Steph, again. 

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• 9:00 - Breakfast Club Championship

• 10:00 - Sticky Bandits vs Frodo Swaggins

• 11:00 - Wanderers vs Bullet Club

• 12:00 - Buffalo Vice vs Travis Henry’s Kids

• 1:00 - Creekers vs BAADies

• 2:00 - Untouchaballs vs THREAD

 

 

 

• As always, don’t be a jerk to the refs who are probably going to be getting rained on all day. Reffing is hard to begin with, it's even harder in the rain. 

 

 

 

• The TSL Banquet is FRIDAY DECEMBER 8TH. TELL YOUR TEAMS AND PREPARE. 

 

 

 

• Jeff Krol has informed me that there is a TSL Halloween Costume party at the Rose Garden on Friday, October 27th. Costumes are required. This isn’t the same as the Halloween Bowl, which I’m not sure is happening this year, at least I haven’t been told anyway. 

 

 

 

• Three teams with the best chance for an upset that I didn’t name earlier: Frodo Swaggins, Scared Hitless, Mighty Drunks

 

 

 

• The bar has informed me that they’ve loved the league this year and there hasn’t been any trouble. Way to be great, TSL. 

 

 

 

• Best team with 10-1 odds or more to win the championship: Passing While Intoxicated. 

 

 

 

• I know it’ll probably be miserable outside, but please remember to park properly, don’t block anyone in, and pick up all of your garbage. Don’t just leave it on the fields in the rain. 

 

 

 

• One last time: this is everything you and your team has worked for all season. You’ve played and prepared for this moment. Don’t squander it, don’t let your team down. Give it your all. But as always, have fun. 

 

-GF OUT

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