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“We’re Here.” - Bray Wyatt

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, Cookie and Elmo, B’s Brother, DJ Jimmy, Girl On Crack (wherever she is), Girl Who Kind Of Had Parking Lot Sex With A Car That One Time (this is real btw), Topper, Every Single Bartender We’ve Ever Had, Chris Cole, The Tommy Hughes People Like, Monish, Prim, and That Jerk Bird That Attacked A Bunch Of People That One Time WE’VE MADE IT! This Saturday, October 26th, In the Year of Our Lord 2024, history will show that 26 TSL franchises (You’re forgetting Breakfast Club.) have come to the Lenny Alba Fields for their shot at Immortality, and by 5:00, when the smoke clears, we will have crowned the 7 best Social Co-Ed Football Champions in the world. 

 

Everything you’ve done since late June before the last season ended (because poaching people has to start early!) has led you to this moment. Nobody starts a TSL franchise without imagining how it would feel to win the championship of whatever division they’re in. Even teams that came into this season knowing it was a pipe dream like the Freeballers, Dogg Pound, Straw Hats, Frodo Swaggins, Mix’n It Up, Two Tuddies, and the GirthQuakes still had that fleeting thought “But what if we DID?”. This is where all of the TSL’s franchises want to be, but more than half of them are now home, with no games to play in (But if you’re ON one of those eliminated teams, STILL come to the bar to watch some good football and cheer on the teams going for the title!). Playing on Championship Saturday, to have a shot at immortality, is just the first step towards a title. With the exception of Breakfast Club, all of the remaining teams in Divisions 1-6 will earn Immortality by competing in a grueling, back to back doubleheader and coming out victorious both times. You may say to yourself “two wins? That’s it? Doesn’t sound that hard!”. Oh, but it is. 

 

Many of the greatest teams in TSL history struggled mightily to get that first championship win, or they never got it at all. A dropped pass here or a slip up there can lead to months of asking yourself “what if”? Being behind early in a semi-final or a championship can derail even the best of teams. It’s happened time and time again. Ask the Cunning Stunts, for example (To be fair to the Stunts, they DID win the D5 title in Spring of 2019, and moved up to D4 after. Since then, they’ve been one of the best teams in the division and have never won, despite only losing anywhere from 0-2 games every single season. They’re 0 for 9 in D4 title quests, and arguably were the favorites to win it all in 6-7 of them.). While the physical play in each game matters, so too do the mental and emotional aspects of these games, and whether or not you can keep them in check. Good luck. 

 

However, surviving Playoff Saturday has proven to be a challenge for some, yet again. And for others, it became a time to put their playoff chops on display for the entire TSL to see once more. I used Rameer’s old trope of putting a quote at the top of the article for a reason. We’re here. You’re here. You survived the first week of the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality. It was a crazy fun week that saw its share of upsets, most notably #7 PWI taking out #2 Mix’n it Up in D3. But that wasn’t all! GUCCI beat the Two Tuddies as a #6 seed, Practice Squad and “Playoff B” went home, and the GirthQuakes did nothing with all of the momentum they were building and will stay home this week. Last week’s games were split exactly down the middle, 11-11 between 1 score games and more than 1 score games. Quite a variety. But the true magic of Playoff Saturday came in the D3 8 vs 9 game. There was TAST, with Dubey at QB, losing to Buffalo Vice 21-0. And then the heavens opened up, a harp was heard faintly in the distance, and fate intervened. Topper stepped into his natural role at QB, and marched his team back from that deficit to tie the game up. And with the game tied 31-31, Topper then led his team down the field to score a game winning TD with 22 seconds left. Magic is real, and miracles do happen. 

 

The magic of Championship Saturday is going to be on full display and there are going to be 26 teams looking for a miracle of their own at some point. In order to really get a handle on all of the things that are going on in the TSL, I’ve yet again forced the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee to join me in navigating the Championship Saturday waters and to make some predictions of their own. They get paid for 10 weeks, yet only do 9 articles a season (not to mention they really phone in the first four or so), so I don’t feel bad making them do a little bit more work as the season comes to its exciting conclusion. 

 

Good luck to the teams out there. Let’s go have some fun. 

 

—-----------

 

GF: Okay, it’s what you’ve all been waiting for! The time I get to tell you who’s going to win the Championships! And now we get to the fun of bringing on the TSLQBPRC so they can hit us with their predictions as well! It’s been quite a season, hasn’t it? 

 

TSLQBPRC:  Fewer brawls than Spring, but that’s not a bad thing!  A few really great divisions (D3, D2, D5), a few divisions where one or two teams really ran away with it (D1, D4, D6), and very little rain to boot.  Oh, and Breakfast Club is still awesome!  We don’t get to talk about Breakfast Club much in the weekly Power Rankings, sadly.  What storyline would you say this season had that has the people in Iowa MOST intrigued?  (The answer is obviously the “Topper Playoff Miracle of 2024” right?)

GF: Despite Topper’s re-return to greatness (He did unofficially win D3 Defender of the Year last season) and the story that only Lenny could’ve written, it was sadly just a one day storyline, and if you’re picking the best one of the season, it should last a little longer. With that said, the best storyline was having the D1/D2 Crossover games. Instead of just combining the divisions like it was rumored to be happening, the TSL just had both divisions essentially play just about everyone. We really saw some great competition between the two, and while the final record was heavily in favor of D1, the games were quite competitive for the most part. We had a lot of close games that didn’t go in D2’s favor. So anyone in D2 that was concerned about moving up shouldn’t really fear that anymore. Let me ask you about the runner up story line though. How do you feel about Joey Batts going 18-0 in the regular season? 

 

TSLQBPRC: Mixed emotions.  Joey going undefeated in D1?  Hate it.  Look, his head is big enough already.  If he can finish 11-0 with two more playoff wins, I feel like we’d have to cancel the podcast forever just to avoid the CHANCE of him showing up on it.  That being said, Joey going undefeated in D4?  Love it.  The Stunts are just a work of art to watch out there, and they’re exactly what I’d want League outsiders to see if they ever questioned “how can women play football against the men?”  (Answer: They play it really, really well).  Plus the Wet Bandits just won their third straight championship about a year ago, so there’s not as much “they were due for it” as there is for the Stunts, who are on Year Five of their championship drought.  The last time the Cunning Stunts were champions, the winners of the four divisions above them were Marketing Mayors, Gryffindor, Slytherin In The Endzone and Puckett All-Stars.  None of those teams exist today.  So yeah, I think the Stunts (if not the Wet Bandits) would be popular champions if they can close it out on Saturday.  Anyone else you think the League is rooting for?

 

GF: Two teams immediately came to mind. The first one are the Power Puff Girls. They’re a “Cunning Stunts Lite” in many ways, but how that team really got itself from “brand new team” to “division terror” in a short time is fantastic. Not to mention that a PPG win, coupled with a Stunts loss means we’ll get some D4 gender battles in the Spring, which is something everyone wants. The other team was Blitzkrieg. It feels like they’ve been in D6 for forever, and they’ve been one of my personal favorite predictions for that entire time. They’re ALWAYS a contender, and they’ve finished #1 overall so many times only to fall on their faces in the playoffs. This year they were amazing, going 8-1 and just dominating almost everyone. And of course, the one team they didn’t dominate and lost to? Their opponent in the semi-finals, Day By Day. Blitzkrieg can’t ever catch a break it seems. What surprised you the most about last week? 

 

TSLQBPRC: Besides a 50+ year old backup QB coming in down 21-0 and beating Buffalo Vice?  Well we weren’t expecting GUCCI to beat Two Tuddies, and it’s not because they’re not good enough - GUCCI just hadn’t “played like themselves” this season, and something seemed off.  Now it seems “on” again, whatever “it” is.  But the biggest shocker has to be PWI beating Mix’n It Up, right?  Mix’n It Up controlled their own destiny a couple weeks ago for locking up the #1 seed (which they lost) and PWI was a bit of an afterthought in the D3 race.  Plus these two teams played each other just a couple weeks ago, and PWI only scored 6 points!  Is Buddy Lee the new “Playoff B”? (He’s got the right letter for it).

 

GF: Buddy has a long way to go before he can be considered “Playoff Lee”, but honestly that guy just seems to be a winner wherever he plays. And that’s just it. “Playoff B” exists because B very clearly takes his game up a notch when it matters most, whereas Buddy, well, he’s just kind of always that good? Imagine if he took it up another level? However, if Buddy wins two titles again, shouldn’t he shoot up the QB rankings even more? I know you guys frown upon dominating lower divisions. 

 

TSLQBPRC: Sure, but if Buddy keeps winning, he won’t be dominating lower divisions for long.  Passing While Intoxicated is two wins away from D2… which means Crossover games against D1!  Don’t you want to see a still-drunk Buddy take on Eyes Downtown?  Of course that assumes that everyone who wins will move up a division.  There’s bound to be a coward or two who wins their division and decides against moving up, right?  Clearly any of the top three D2 teams would do fine in D1… Wanderers would do fine in D2… Stunts would kick ass in D3… there’s plenty of examples of teams who are ready to move on to the next challenge.  It’s part of what makes the offseason so exciting!  But before we can get to the NEXT season, we should probably talk about this one.  What do we think about the games this weekend?

 

GF: Like I mentioned before, we only had 5 upsets this weekend out of our 21 games (including Breakfast Club). That isn’t the MOST fun storyline wise, but in terms of the games, we’re getting the best of the best here. Wanderers vs PWI (who apparently have the playoff magic like we said earlier) is a fun game. GUCCI’s upset gets them playing the Power Puff Girls, which means the magic of Kelly Kane’s rocket arm has HER team’s TD always being 8 points and negates the advantage the PPGs have. Come From Behind vs Not So Sticky is ALWAYS a hell of a game. Can’t Touch This vs The Malones is D2 finals worthy and they’ll meet before that. Not to mention that the last two TSL Champions - Eyes Downtown and Sticky Bandits meet in the first round. Is there a game that doesn’t really have ANY intrigue? What game are you most excited for? 

 

TSLQBPRC: Can’t Touch This vs The Malones should be incredible.  We have just NO idea who’s going to win that, and that’s what makes football great.  The whole D2 playoff bracket should be fantastic actually.   Does it dampen the excitement of “seeing someone move up to D1” now that they’ll continue to play D2 teams in the future? (Assuming that’s what happens; we have no idea what the future holds for the D1/D2 Super Division.)  Maybe a bit, but a championship’s a championship, and all four of the D2 teams left deserve to celebrate one.  Outside of that division, we think the brains of Wanderers vs the speed of Jabronies could be pretty exciting finals, if both teams are able to make it.  After watching Wanderers fall short the last few seasons, it really DOES feel like this is their chance to finally break through and win one.  For the reigning TSL Best at Bar Team, that should be an amazing celebration.

 

GF: There’s a lot of great games this week, and how about instead of talking about them, let’s predict them! 

 

D1 

 

Last Week’s Game

 

#4 Frodo Swaggins 51, #5 Freeballers 34

 

The Story: Frodo Swaggins wins easily to set up the top 4 seeds to battle it out for the D1 title. The Wet Bandits look to continue to dominate their way to cap off an amazing season, but old foes Eyes Downtown and the defending champion Sticky Bandits stand in the way. 

 

#1 Wet Bandits (9-0) vs #4 Frodo Swaggins (4-4-1)

 

PF: WB 46.44 (1st) - Frodo 35.11 (3rd) 

PA: WB 26.78 (1st) - Frodo 31.56 (3rd) 

TSL Rank: WB 2nd, Frodo 26th

Last 3: WB 3-0, Frodo 1-1

Past Games: 50-31, WB

Line: Wet Bandits (-10)

 

GF: The Wet Bandits have been absolutely on another level this season. Two straight seasons of not winning the title really has them focused on getting that title back. They have more focus than I’ve seen from them in past seasons. Last year they came in like they were thinking “oh man, we lost but that was a blip, we’ll get it back.” And then they didn’t. And they came back BIG TIME this Spring. There are two very capable teams standing in front of them. Frodo isn’t on that list. Sorry Garrett. WET BANDITS BY 13

 

TSLQBPRC: Frodo had their best season since joining D1.  They had competitive losses to Eyes Downtown and Sticky Bandits, they beat Freeballers, and they were 9 points away from sweeping their D2 games.  This is a MUCH improved Frodo Swaggins team than we’ve seen in the past.  That said: they don’t do very well against Wet Bandits historically, and those games are rarely close.  Sorry Garrett.  WET BANDITS BY 18

#2 Eyes Downtown (8-1) vs #3 Sticky Bandits (5-4)

 

PF: ED 39.27 (2nd) - SB 34.41 (4th)

PA: ED 30.00 (2nd) - SB 36.67 (4th)

TSL Rank: ED 5th, SB 25th

Last 3: ED 4-0, SB 2-3

Past Games: 46-44 ED

Line: Eyes Downtown (-6)

 

TSLQBPRC: These teams played a 46-44 classic a couple weeks ago (which Eyes Downtown won) and they seem to meet in the playoffs every year now trading wins and losses.  They’re usually pretty equal head to head… but we’re clearly “stat people” on the TSLQBPRC, and Eyes Downtown just had the better numbers this year.  Hard to pick against Bobby here based on the Fall 2024 season, assuming both teams are at full strength.  EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

 

GF: Is a Sticky Bandits Championship Hangover a thing? They finally achieve a long term goal, winning the best title anyone can win in Social Co-Ed Football: Immortality. And the celebration from that win (and literal hangover, they’re getting old) has lasted this whole season. They’ve felt off, not unlike the way Eyes Downtown felt up until about Week 3 this season after their own win. Eyes Downtown really got it together, and they just feel like the hotter team right now. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 1

D1 Finals Predictions: 

 

GF: #1 vs #2 as the Wet Bandits and Eyes Downtown meet in a rematch from last Fall. That game was a classic, and honestly I think this one will be too. Both teams have been playing VERY good football for months, but as a “feelings guy” over the stats, I can only go one way, and that’s that the Wet Bandits reclaim the D1 title in a close one. WET BANDITS BY 2

TSLQBPRC: Stats AND feelings say the same thing: that this is Wet Bandits’ title to lose.  It would take a bit of a collapse on their part to lose the championship here, and (checks the weather…) we don’t think that’s going to happen.  Cue the “one more title to catch Public Enemy for best of all time” storyline… WET BANDITS BY 8

D2

 

Last Week’s Games

 

#3 The Malones 48, #6 The Untouchaballs 27

#5 Scared Hitless 23, #4 Grey Hair Don’t Care 18

 

The Story: The Malones put the Untouchaballs’ worst season in a long time to bed, maybe forever. While Scared Hitless continues to show up and win when it matters most, moving on in a slight upset. The Mavericks and Can’t Touch This are fresh after a week off thanks to the bye week. 

#1 Mavericks (5-4) vs #5 Scared Hitless (2-7)

 

PF: Mavs 32.56 (3rd) - SH 28.75 (4th)

PA: Mavs 31.89 (1st) - SH 35.63 (5th)

TSL Rank: Mavs 16th, SH 46th

Last 3: Mavs 1-3, SH 0-3

Past Games: 42-40, Mavs

Line: Mavericks (-6)

TSLQBPRC: The Mavericks finished the season on a 0-3 run, which doesn’t usually bode well for playoffs.  Sure, they might have been phoning it in a bit because their first round bye was already locked up, but they haven’t won a meaningful competitive game since September.  Scared Hitless on the other hand… well they ALSO haven’t won a game since even EARLIER in September, so these aren’t exactly two teams hitting their stride at the right time.  Weak Momentum vs Weak Momentum… we’ll give the edge to the stronger talent.  MAVERICKS BY 9

GF: Yeah, but Scared Hitless has been in a LOT of games. If we replay the season 10 times, they probably average 3 more wins a season. And not to mention, they did just win a game, last week, against a pretty “Strong Momentum” Grey Hair Don’t Care. The Mavericks started out very hot, but as I’ve said in this very article that it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. The Mavs have been cold, and injuries to some of their awesome females is a big reason why. SCARED HITLESS BY 3

 

#2 Can’t Touch This (5-4) vs #3 The Malones (4-5)

 

PF: CTT 38.38 (2nd) - Malones 39.11 (1st)

PA: CTT 33.75 (3rd) - Malones 35.44 (4th)

TSL Rank: CTT 20th - Malones 27th

Last 3: CTT 2-2 - Malones 2-1

Past Games: 52-30 CTT

Line: Can’t Touch This (-3)

 

GF: Arguably the Game of the Day, for the Semis anyway. Can’t Touch This has been on a tear most of the season, they’ve beaten D1 teams, and they have to think to themselves that they might find themselves in D1 regardless of Saturday’s outcome next Spring. Those are big words, but they’ve shown they can play with the best teams in the league for sure. Meanwhile, they get The Malones, who didn’t have the strongest middle of the season, but they’ve recalibrated, gotten some players back, and started to really figure out the issues they were having. I wish this could be a 7 game series, but since it’s only 1 game, I have to flip a coin. THE MALONES BY 1

TSLQBPRC: We have nothing to add to that analysis, this is an absolute coin toss.  Malones by 1 is realistic.  Can’t Touch This winning by 12 is realistic.  Any outcome is possible here.  We’re going to lean on history for this matchup though and go with the squad that won by 22 the last time they played.  We expect the Malones will do MUCH better here, but Can’t Touch This is winning our “coin toss”.  CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 4

D2 Finals Predictions

 

TSLQBPRC: #1 Mavericks vs #2 Can’t Touch This.  We have SO little confidence that these are the teams that will be in the Finals, but D2 is so tight this year, it’s as good a guess as any.  Can’t Touch This has had success against Mavericks historically, but Mavericks took the win earlier this year.  It just seems like Can’t Touch This have been so dialed in since that loss (their LAST loss to a D2 team this season) that it’s hard to pick against them in the big moment.  Plus Ryan’s a stud.  CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 2

GF: #3 The Malones vs #5 Scared Hitless. Not the game I think anyone really would’ve guessed heading into the playoffs, but it's still a fun matchup nonetheless. These two met in Week 1 (a Malones win) and then they both had similar paths to get to this point, winning less than they may have deserved, etc. I think at the end of the day, The Malones are going to prove too quick for Scared Hitless. THE MALONES BY 7

D3

 

Last Week’s Games

 

#9 Topper’s All-Stars & Todd 37, #8 Buffalo Vice 31

#1 Wanderers 40, #9 Topper’s All-Stars & Todd 12

#7 Passing While Intoxicated 37, #2 Mix’n It Up 32

#3 Jabronies 23, #6 Bullet Club 18

#5 Let’s Get Reccked 42, #4 Practice Squad 14

 

The Story: The biggest one, again, is the story of how Topper heroically came off the bench down 21-0 to lead TAST to victory against Vice before losing to the Wanderers. PWI continues their mystique of playoff success, even in a down year, beating the Kellers in a bit of a shocker. The Jabronies outlast Bullet Club in a tight game, and LGR ends up weathering the storm of “Playoff B” and Practice Squad to set up some interesting semi-final matchups. 

#1 Wanderers (8-1) vs #7 Passing While Intoxicated (3-6)

 

PF: Wanderers 37.50 (1st) - PWI 22.67 (8th)

PA: Wanderers 30.00 (6th) - PWI 30.00 (6th)

TSL Rank: Wanderers 6th, PWI 32nd

Last 3: Wanderers 3-0, PWI 1-3

Past Games: 46-37 Wanderers

Line: Wanderers (-10)

TSLQBPRC: Buddy Lee is an incredibly smart, creative, scrambling quarterback who elevates his teammates, turns busted plays into big gains, and always gives his team a chance.  The problem for PWI is that Wanderers have their OWN Buddy Lee and his name is Frank Laudico… plus they have Sal, Stoner Dave, Al Laudico, and many others.  This is a deep team and a playoff tested team.  Sure, they haven’t had the immediate playoff success we all expected in TSL, but did you really think you weren’t going to see more Wanderers in the D3 Finals?  We’re pretty confident they’ll be in this one.  WANDERERS BY 10

 

GF: Okay PWI, I see you. PWI stepped up in the playoffs when it mattered most and earned a big playoff win in their first season in D3. For a lot of teams, that’s a good season in itself, but for this squad, it’s par for the course. Historically, any time you count them out in the playoffs, they turn it on and end up being one of the best stories of the playoffs. After a couple of D4 seasons where they were favorites, they find themselves relishing the underdog role that’s in their DNA. Their reward? The Wanderers, one of the most decorated teams in minor league Social Co-Ed Football history, who are still looking for their first title since coming up to the big leagues. They’ve been close, many times, and they’ve added some talent along the way. This team is really good, and if there is indeed a “Playoff Lee”, this is where he’d be born. Not just yet though. WANDERERS BY 8

#3 Jabronies (6-3) vs #5 Let’s Get Reccked (6-3)

 

PF: Jabronies 27.88 (7th) - LGR 34.25 (3rd)

PA: Jabronies 24.88 (2nd) - LGR 27.63 (4th)

TSL Rank: Jabronies 10th, LGR 13th

Last 3: Jabronies 3-1, LGR 4-0
Past Games: 30-8 Jabronies

Line: EVEN

 

GF: The Jabronies had themselves a hell of a defensive battle against Bullet Club last week, scoring all of their points in the beginning and at the end of the game to hold on for a win. They get Let’s Get Reccked, who looked so good last week that they could’ve won with only 5 people on the field anyway. This is always a good rivalry game, and it’s fun having those in the playoffs. I was going to go with LGR, but then I had gotten some info that they’re going to be missing just about everyone this week apparently, so it’s hard not to give the Jabronies the win here if that’s true. JABRONIES BY 7

 

TSLQBPRC: The regular season matchup wasn’t particularly close as Jabronies beat down Let’s Get Reccked 30-8.  Looking back on our write-ups, it seems like Let’s Get Reccked was short handed for that game too, but as you’ve just said, things don’t sound like they’ll be any better for them this week without Recckio and others.  Evenly matched, this could have been a classic between old rivals.  But it’s hard to pick LGR if they’re anything less than full strength against the duo of Joe Miano and Eric Kleckler.  JABRONIES BY 11

D3 Finals Prediction

TSLQBPRC: #1 Wanderers vs #3 Jabronies.  We said it above and we’ll repeat it here - the brains of the Wanderers (not that they don’t also have speed) vs the speed of Jabronies (not that they don’t also have brains) is going to be exciting to watch.  This game should come down to the final minutes (and probably some controversial call that leaves the loser furious) but if either Stoner or Sal can contain Eric even a little bit, we’re just not sure Jabronies have the depth to keep up with the rest of their lineup.  WANDERERS BY 5

GF: #1 Wanderers vs #3 Jabronies. While the Wanderers always tend to play close games, these two have always had some battles in recent memory. Wanderers won by 4 points in Week 1, but last season the Jabronies beat the Wanderers I believe. I think this is going to be a heck of a matchup, but I’m not sure the Jabronies offense will be able to keep up with Frank and Co over the course of this game, unless the Wanderers uncharacteristically make a lot of mistakes. WANDERERS BY 9

D4

 

Last Week’s Games

 

#1 Cunning Stunts 53, #8 Cobblestone 18

#2 Big Daddy Jason & the ILFers 36, #7 Select 33

#3 The Herd 47, #6 Creekers 22

#5 Vaspian 31, #4 GirthQuakes 21

 

The Story: The “Big 2” survive and move on, as the Stunts dismantle Cobblestone and ILF squeaks by a very magical showing by Select. The Herd gets a little bit of revenge on the Creekers, setting up a big 2v3 showdown. But it’s Vaspian that takes the cake this week, pulling off the upset over the GirthQuakes, which shouldn’t have been so surprising when you remember that it was the playoffs and the GQs have too much Freeballers DNA in them to ignore. 

#1 Cunning Stunts (9-0) vs #5 Vaspian (3-6)

 

PF: CS 51.00 (1st) - Vaspian 25.50 (6th)

PA: CS 30.00 (3rd) - Vaspian 31.88 (4th)

TSL Rank: CS 1st, Vaspian 30th

Last 3: CS 3-0, Vaspian 1-3

Past Games: 52-27 Stunts

Line: Cunning Stunts (-20)

 

GF: Vaspian made themselves the talk of the town for a weekend, as they showed up big time in their victory over the GQs, who were getting buzz at this time a week ago as the team that might be able to knock off the Stunts. Vaspian finds themselves in the role of “team that could end the Stunts’ season unexpectedly” this week, but even if Vaspian played the shut down defense they used to employ a few seasons ago, I still can’t see them keep up with this ridiculous Stunts offense unless Derek Pew feels like chucking full field bombs every time and scoring on the first play every drive. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

TSLQBPRC: Let’s assume the Stunts get stopped MAYBE twice in this game?  A bad bounce for a pick, one drive with some drops.  Worst case scenario, they’re still putting up like 44 points.  Can Vaspian score enough, especially with their girls, to put up 45?  It’s possible… but it feels like everything needs to go right for Vaspian and everything has to go WRONG for the Stunts.  And that makes our pick easy.  CUNNING STUNTS BY 19

#2 Big Daddy Jason & the ILFers (6-3) vs #3 The Herd (5-4)

 

PF: ILF 39.56 (2nd) - Herd 37.00 (3rd)

PA: ILF 28.49 (2nd) - Herd 38.22 (6th)

TSL Rank: ILF 12th, Herd 18th

Last 3: ILF 2-2, Herd 1-2

Past Games: 45-22 ILFers, 37-36 The Herd

Line: EVEN

TSLQBPRC: The Herd have improved tremendously this year, and it’s not JUST a credit to Mark (though that’s obvious - add a D1 champion QB to your team, and you will probably improve) but also to the entire team that they’ve grown so much this season.  They had (respectfully) zero chance to make any noise in the playoffs last season, and now they’re on the verge of a championship game. You don’t HAVE to win a championship to consider your season a success, and we think The Herd are definitely a success story either way.  That being said… we do expect it will be Big Daddy Jason & the ILFers playing in the D4 Finals game.  Mark is great, but so is Buddy Lee.  If we look at the rest of the roster, ILF (we’re calling them ILF in the Godfather, right?) just has more experience, and they’re in “championship or bust” mode right now, which the Herd can’t really relate to given this is the most successful season in their history.  Give me desperation and experience every time.  ILF BY 6

 

GF: Maybe it’s time to stop considering ILF one of the Big 2. They fattened their record getting Cobblestone twice (winning both games with a combined score of 82-24. If you don’t include those games, their average score is essentially 39-33, and in other words, maybe that defense isn’t as top notch as it appears. Add in that they’ve lost to GQs and The Herd in recent weeks, and struggled so badly against Select that there were reports of ILF guys yelling at ILF girls on the sidelines, and they seem to be in disarray. Meanwhile, The Herd is just out here winning games that aren’t against the Stunts. They proved the loss to the Creekers two weeks ago was a fluke as they handed the Creekers their ticket to the offseason last week. It’s amazing what a veteran QB can do as “should probably be the D4 QB of the year or at least a nominee” Mark Dalfonso has given this team an identity on offense. They’re just as good as ILF, and they don’t give off the vibes that things are falling apart internally. THE HERD BY 3

D4 Finals Prediction

 

GF: The Stunts vs The Herd. Everything in the world suggests the Stunts are going to win this game. They have the better offense, the better defense, arguably the better QB, but definitely the better females. They beat The Herd twice this season: 52-24 in Week 1 and 55-37 in Week 7. But history is not on the side of the Stunts, as we all know. So what is one supposed to do when history isn’t on their side? Well, you just make it yourself. 11-0. CUNNING STUNTS BY 13

TSLQBPRC: “What is one supposed to do when history isn’t on their side?  Well, you just make it yourself”.  Every season in our first article, we say “check out the Godfather if you want better writing”, and this is why.  We’ve picked different opponents for the Stunts in the Finals, and it’s worth repeating, ILF is quarterbacked by the man who beat the Stunts in LAST season’s Finals.  So clearly they have a chance, since Buddy knows what he’s doing here.  And yes, the Stunts have a history of collapse in these big moments.  But not with a 19-0 Joey Batts (he’ll be 19-0 by the time of the Finals!) throwing to Katie AND Mel AND Maddie AND Brandy AND Taylor AND all the other talent on this squad.  This team is too good to fail.  They might win D3 next season too.  CUNNING STUNTS BY 8

D5

 

Last Week’s Games

 

#1 Power Puff Girls 50, #8 Spinelli’s Plumbing 18

#2 Come From Behind 42, #7 Pit Harade 25

#6 GUCCI 42, #3 Two Tuddies 36

#5 Not So Sticky 18, #4 Stir The Sauce 14

 

The Story: The PPGs continue the gender team dominance this season as they wipe the floor with Spinelli’s. Come From Behind made plays again and again to get themselves past Pit Harade. The Tud Buds come up short in a fantastic game against GUCCI, who get to be the plucky underdogs for once in the playoffs. And lastly, Not So Sticky takes advantage of STS having to use their backup QB and plays shutdown defense to move on in the playoffs. 

#1 Power Puff Girls (7-2) vs #6 GUCCI (3-6)

 

PF: PPG 37.78 (1st) - GUCCI 24.33 (6th)

PA: PPG 26.22 (4th) - GUCCI 31.67 (6th)

TSL Rank: PPG 7th, GUCCI 38th

Last 3: PPG 3-0, GUCCI 1-3

Past Games: 42-41 GUCCI, 51-36 PPG

Line: Power Puff Girls (-6)

TSLQBPRC: Gender team vs “Gender Team”.  PowerPuff Girls had the better season for sure.  Against a neutral team, we would take their chances over GUCCI’s chances all day.  But isn’t this the PERFECT matchup for GUCCI?  They have the size advantage and the speed advantage, AND they’re scoring 8 points per touchdown just like PowerPuff Girls.  Who’s going to win jump balls between these teams?  The PowerPuff Girls (and Kyle… and Cody!) are incredible enough offensively that they should be able to keep up with the scoring and make it a game.  But they’re going to be at a disadvantage on defense, and we think that could be the difference maker.  GUCCI BY 2

 

GF: Oh, hey there GUCCI. The preseason favorites find themselves as the lowest remaining seed in the playoffs after a season that can only be described as “not so great”. 3-6? Brutal. Injuries? Brutal. Kelly Kane? Delightful. They get the #1 seeded Power Puff Girls, who have been on a tear most of the season. These teams played twice in the regular season and split the games, so a rubber match is a must watch scenario. GUCCI beat the PPG in the beginning of the season (it was Week 3, but it was Game 1 for GUCCI!), back when birds were chirping and everyone was healthy, and then as injuries piled up, so did the losses, including a big loss to the PPG. The PPGs have had injuries of their own of course, but they hadn’t felt as drastic as the ones GUCCI dealt with. GUCCI negating the gender TD advantage is also huge. At the end of the day, both teams are incredibly talented, but only one can move on. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 1

#2 Come From Behind (7-2) vs #5 Not So Sticky (4-5)

 

PF: CFB 37.00 (2nd) - NSS 22.11 (7th)

PA: CFB 19.67 (1st) - NSS 28.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: CFB 8th, NSS 28th

Last 3: CFB 3-0, NSS 1-2

Past Games: 48-22 CFB

Line: Come From Behind (-9)

 

GF: Hey, another “rivalry” game! While these two teams wouldn’t consider each other their rival so to speak, they’ve played a LOT of great games over the years in both the regular season and the playoffs. It’s fitting that they meet again in a season where NSS isn’t exactly killing it on the field but CFB really is. The last time this happened was also in the playoffs, CFB was expected to win big, and Not So Sticky pulled off a fantastic upset. Eerily similar to this game right here. Do NOT count out NSS pulling off an upset, but I’m not bold enough to pick it here. COME FROM BEHIND BY 12

TSLQBPRC: Come From Behind has a STRONG advantage in this game.  The regular season game wasn’t close, and Not So Sticky are without Rick Recckio?  NSS did pull off the upset win last time in the playoffs, so maybe they have a trick for getting to Paul when it matters… but it’s tough to imagine tricks making up the 26 point difference from the last time these two teams played.  Not So Sticky is one of the better defensive teams in the lower divisions with all that “veteran savvy”, but Paul just has so many more weapons.  COME FROM BEHIND BY 11

D5 Finals Predictions

TSLQBPRC: GUCCI was a higher seeded team the last couple of seasons and yet they’ve disappointed in the playoffs.  Are they going to have more luck with a lower seed and possibly lower expectations?  Maybe.  They SHOULD have been better this season, so we don’t really view them as your usual #6 seed.  That said, Come From Behind HAVE been playing the part of a #2 seed all season, and they just look so dialed in right now.  GUCCI has the talent and QB to make this a game, but I think it’s finally Come From Behind’s time to celebrate the big one.  COME FROM BEHIND BY 2

 

GF: #1 vs #2, arguably the way it should be in D5. These two were the cream of the crop this season, and as Macho Man once said, the “cream rises to the top”. PPG beat CFB in Week 1 of the season, which if I know anything is at least two weeks before Paul starts throwing, and I don’t believe the ageless QB was a part of that game. Both teams have fantastic offenses that average 37 points a game. The difference? CFB has one of the best defenses in the league, allowing less than 20 points a game. They’re all fast (even Molly and Leslie), and they’re all smart, especially “not young guy who plays the middle but is super fast and does all the things better than anyone on both sides of the ball’. If both teams have everyone, we’re going to see a barnburner here. COME FROM BEHIND BY 7

D6

 

Last Week’s Games

 

#1 Blitzkrieg 47, #8 Dogg Pound 20

#2 Sausage McMuffins 28, #7 TMA 26

#3 Sticky Laces 40, #6 Balls Deep 16

#4 Day By Day 47, #5 Purple Nurples 6

 

The Story: The Top 4 seeds moved on, which is an accomplishment in itself (whatever D1, you only have 5 teams). This SHOULD be the Blitzkrieg vs McMuffins on a head to head collision weekend, but after the McMuffins’ escape of TMA last week coupled with Blitzkrieg vs history, you’d like to think maybe it isn’t going to be that easy. We have the Top 3 offenses remaining, and 4 of the 5 top defenses left here as well, which means we should have some good football this weekend, as Sticky Laces and Day By Day are formidable foes who have their sights set on the D6 title as well. 

#1 Blitzkrieg (8-1) vs #4 Day By Day (5-4)

 

PF: BK 39.33 (1st) - DBD 28.00 (3rd)

PA: BK 18.44 (2nd) - DBD 25.67 (4th)

TSL Rank: BK 3rd, DBD 24th

Last 3: BK 3-0, DBD 1-2

Past Games: 29-25 DBD

Line: Blitzkrieg (-7)

 

GF: I’ve been a Blitzkrieg fan for a very long time, and it’s becoming the TSL’s version of being a Bills fan. They’re constantly a top team, favorites to win the title, and then playoff disappointment. They know it too. This season has been a hell of a journey for Fall BK, as they’ve been scoring lots of points and not really allowing much either. Domination is on both sides of the ball for them every single week, except for one. And that one, OF COURSE, is the 1 behind the 1 in 8-1, Day By Day. You can look at this one of two ways. On one hand, history is mocking Blitzkrieg and setting them against an opponent that has had a fantastic season, already defeated them once (to give BK a mental ‘oh crap’), and they keep getting better day by day. Perfect recipe for another BK playoff failure. Or, on the other hand, fate has delivered them the only blip they had on this season, and it gives them a chance to right their only wrong of this season of destiny. I’m choosing the latter. BLITZKRIEG BY 4

 

TSLQBPRC: It’s easy to fall into the trap of a convenient narrative like “Blitzkrieg chokes in the playoffs”.  They HAVE, over the years, it’s clearly true.  But every season is different and THIS season they’ve done pretty damn well.  Day by Day is a much improved team from their Just Joshing season, and they’ll be competitive until the final minutes.  But we expect the #1 seed to play like the #1 seed and give us the Finals we’re all expecting in D6 (oh, was that a spoiler for our next pick?)  BLITZKRIEG BY 8

#2 Sausage McMuffins (8-1) vs #3 Sticky Laces (6-3)

 

PF: SMM 35.67 (2nd) - SL 23.11 (6th)

PA: SMM 16.89 (1st) - SL 28.33 (5th)

TSL Rank: SMM 4th, SL 15th

Last 3: SMM 4-0, SL 3-1

Past Games: 38-18 SMM

Line: Sausage McMuffins (-16)

TSLQBPRC: The McMuffins didn’t play their best ball last week against TMA and were almost victims of an early round upset.  But champions get their shit together when they have to, and the McMuffins did just enough to move on.  There were two great teams in D6 this session, and Sausage McMuffins were one of them.  Sticky Laces had an amazing season which was a huge improvement over their debut in the Spring, but they don’t have a signature win against a top opponent yet.  We don’t think they’re going to get it on Saturday.  SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 10

 

GF: For as much as the season has focused on Blitzkrieg, let’s try not to forget that the McMuffins are a VERY good team that was also 8-1 and they have the best defense in the division. As long as their offense is humming, they can beat anyone. They only scored less than 30 points twice now: once against BK in the regular season, and last week against TMA. Sticky Laces has a bit of the “nobody believes in us” swagger, as they dunked on Balls Deep last week. The stats suggest they’re the worst team remaining, yes, but they don’t measure character and moxie. Sadly, the worst thing to happen for the Laces is that the McMuffins had their upset scare last week, and they’re going to come in even more focused this time. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 14

D6 Finals Predictions

 

GF: Blitzkrieg vs Sausage McMuffins, just as everyone thought. The top two teams in D6 get to meet in a winner take all battle that SHOULD be a good one, pitting the top two offenses and defenses in the division against one another. Blitzkrieg won 33-22 in Week 3 in their only meeting this season. Both teams are deserving of this title, and it’s almost a shame we can’t name them co-champions. I hope this goes to overtime or something too. Blitzkrieg, I’ve taken you to win the title so many times that I almost want this win as much as you do. BK looks better going into this game, and they have the better story of finally capturing the title. Historically that means I’d pick them to win it all, and then somehow that curses them. I want to pick BK, but I can’t put that evil on them again, so Blitzkrieg, I’m doing this for you. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 2

TSLQBPRC: We ALSO hope this goes to overtime (to hell with keeping the games on schedule!) because this should be an absolute battle.  Upsets are fun and they make the TSL playoff season so exciting every year… but sometimes you just want to watch the top two teams go at it, and we think that’s what will happen in the D6 Finals game on Saturday.  How do you pick a winner here?  Blitzkrieg won their only meeting, so that’s a pretty good start.  And they crushed Dogg Pound last week so they’re coming off of a more inspiring performance than Sausage McMuffins.  Okay, we’ve talked ourselves into it.  We’re ready to get hurt again.  BLITZKRIEG BY 3  

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY

 

• There you have it. The predictions are done. How strongly do you feel about them? 

 

 

TSLQBPRC: Oh, as badly as we always do about our predictions.  It’s the playoffs!  All it takes is one bad bounce on the first drive to completely flip the moment of a game.  Nobody REALLY knows what’s going to happen, beyond the Stunts scoring 100+ points on Saturday.  We feel safe in that prediction.

 

GF: It’s impossible to feel strongly about any predictions when Championship Saturday is upon us. I’ve picked the 1, 3, 1, 1, 2, 2 (but kinda 1) seeds, which feels about right, but I’ve pretty much learned just to expect the unexpected, which is why I can’t wait to see what unexpected thing occurs. 

 

 

• Which #1 seed do you think is most ripe to be upset? 

 

 

GF: At this point I’d have to say the Mavericks in D2. Injuries and bad luck have contributed to their hot start fizzling out a bit, and while they have some of the best vibes people in the league, other teams are just playing better right now. 

 

TSLQBPRC: Mavericks are a great choice because they’re third in their division in point differential per game when you strip out the D1 crossover games.  Still a great team, but vulnerable.  But so is Blitzkrieg, so are Wanderers, so is PowerPuff Girls (the only #1 seed we didn’t choose to make their championship game!) so there’s LOTS of uncertainty across every division.

 

• Which low seeded team do you think has the best chance to pull off a major championship upset? 

 

 

TSLQBPRC:  We really like GUCCI.  They had a miserable season, but their schedule was really weird with all doubleheaders, and they didn’t lose any talent on that team as far as we can tell.  Plus no one in D5 strikes us as unbeatable.  It would be a fun story if they took the ship as a #6 seed.

 

GF: I think it has to be Day By Day in D6. They have a good offense, and a good defense. They’ve already beaten Blitzkrieg once. The McMuffins didn’t look great last week. Sticky Laces has some growing to do. If Day By Day pulls off the upset as the 4 seed, that would be shocking, but they have the best chance to do it I think. 

 

• Regardless of outcomes, what team should move up a division that you’re most excited to see do so in the Spring? 

 

 

GF: I think seeing what the McMuffins or Blitzkrieg (or both! Go up together!) could do in D5 would be really cool, but realistically I want the Power Puff Girls to jump up to D4 no matter what happens just so we can get the PPG vs Stunts (if Stunts don’t get to D3 anyway) gender team battle we all want to see. 

 

TSLQBPRC: Great call on the gender team battles.  Give the people what they want!  But we say take your pick of any of the top three D2 teams.  Mavericks, Can’t Touch This, Malones… you’re ready to make the jump.  Go for that D1 championship!

 

 

• What is your Breakfast Club Prediction?

 

 

TSLQBPRC:  Garrett is still better than Langley, right?  Okay, we’re going Dri Girls 1 Cup 40, Steph Infection 34.  And we hope to God that Langley gets to attempt a “Breakfast Club Onside Kick” at the end of this one.

 

GF: Fall Breakfast Club had some concerns going into it, but it turned out to be pretty great. Having Dri’s team being in the championship game a second season in a row shows she must have some good chemistry with Garrett or something. Standing her way of a BC title is none other than Steph Infection, one of the greatest BC franchises we’ve seen in the history of the sport. The irony, of course, is that Garrett was Steph’s “go to” QB for a lot of those title wins. He knows how that team plays. Dri Girls 1 Cup 37, Steph Infection 34

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• It isn’t supposed to rain, which is awesome because that won’t skew the results there in Buffalo. But it IS supposed to be colder than any week we’ve had this season, and that could ruin the flow of some of these “warm weather” teams. 

 

 

 

• Games of the Week: 

• ALL OF THEM. ITS CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY

 

 

 

• The worst thing about Championship Saturday for a TSLer is not having any games to play in. But just because you’re not playing doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show up to the fields to have a drink and say goodbye to the fields until next April! (Or until later that night for the TSL Halloween party, and then April.)

 

 

 

• I wonder just how bad Joey Batts’ arm is going to be by the 4th game he’ll potentially be playing in at 4:00pm in the D1 finals. Maybe he takes himself out of a Cunning Stunts game early if they’re winning by a lot? But getting your arm warm for 10 and 11 and having to wait until 3:00 to play again isn’t ideal, but that’s the price you pay for having two teams I guess. 

 

 

 

• Get yourself signed up for the TSL Banquet asap. Friday, December 13th, 2024 at the Marriott on Millersport in Amherst. Click the link here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1MvDCK_qsTQdRv1rx6lU9IVVLAdldLsGwlZDZZMSdTBY/edit

 

 

 

• Signing up for the Banquet isn’t enough!  Fill out the awards nomination form too.  People love to complain that the “finalists weren’t right” or that the League “didn’t pick the right winner”.  Ladies and gentlemen… it’s a vote.  CAST your vote, make your voice be heard, and the League will get the winners right. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1EvE2dgxslCyzp413m3FTk1gNF_3GJT3SUCyA_Or_hWg/edit#response=ACYDBNj0rYkLp1-queBCylbi5iZumKxBiwzX__dH0TfTccJ7BQk79arLZ_XUhn20ImtoIOQ

 

 

 

• It bears repeating every week, and especially every week for playoffs, but don’t be a dick to your refs!  Head of Officiating Garrett Beesing scheduled the absolute BEST he could gather this week.  So don’t blame the officiating for “that one missed holding call” when you lose 36-6 on Saturday.

 

 

 

• WINTER IS COMING (does that Game of Thrones reference still work in 2024?)  Registration for the TSL’s indoor session is now OPEN and teams have already started signing up.  Do you really want to sit out the entire winter?  Let’s get some new teams to sign up this year… especially some lower division teams so we can make a good “recreational” division: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1Nx30rvnmP1BjB44M5NWZFPEIsGHsyJl0w6pNLOlmf1Y/edit#responses

 

 

 

• After Topper’s miraculous win (and subsequent defeat) last week, are we going to see him at the fields on Saturday?  Or will he fade away forever so that our lasting memory will be seeing him in his prime one more time?

 

 

 

• Nobody likes a litter bug.  Pick up after yourself!

 

The Race For Social Co-Ed Immortality is coming around the turn and heading down the stretch to the finish line. Which side of history are you going to be on? 

-GF OUT

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