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“Looks Like We Made It.” - Shania Twain

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I am excited to announce that the official start of the Spring 2025 Race To Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is upon us! On Saturday, June 21st, in the Year of Our Lord 2025 48 of the 54 TSL Franchises will begin competing for one of the 7 Championships to declare who the Best In The World at Social Co-Ed Touch Football are. (For anyone that continues to dispute this from the minor leagues around the area, our champions are always willing to put that to the test, you have the open invite to come give it a go.)

 

“But Godfather, why only 48 of the 54 teams? I thought everyone made the playoffs?”. You see, while that is true, you must remember that we’ve already lost D’s Nutz and Jen-X in the Breakfast Club playoffs that started last week, so they went down swinging with honor and prestige. As for the other 4? These teams willingly decided to give up their chances at immortality. In the case of Show Me Your TDs, we get it. Your pride made you think to yourself “We’re super sweet at football, we should easily be in D2!”. The problem was that you thought you were sweet because you were playing against yourselves, not others. A few humble pies later (and we know damn well this is just the guys’ egos that caused this, no offense to the ladies who more than likely had no idea what they were in for) and you tapped out. I hope you regroup in the summer and give this a go again in the Fall 2025 season, and it’s perfectly okay to start out in D6 and to change your team name so people don’t know it’s you. Either way, you’re excused. 

 

But Vaspian? Stir The Sauce? STICKY LACES? I’m disappointed in you. I was told this was a combination of poorly timed weddings and/or injuries. 3 of our franchises giving up like that just seems wrong. Vaspian has been a staple of the league for a while now, and they had been playing very good football, so it’s a shame to see them not play on the biggest stage. Stir The Sauce didn’t have a great season, sure, but league icon Wrestler Dan Farinacci turning from face to chickenshit heel and running from the playoffs wasn’t on my bingo card. Lastly, Sticky Laces finish off one of the TSL’s greatest tragedies of a season by giving up. How they allowed someone in their family (i think) to schedule a wedding during the TSL playoffs is beyond me, unless it's revenge for not letting them play on the team? From title favorites to D6 duds, what a season they had. 

 

But, enough about the quitters. This is about the 48 teams still alive for Immortality. Shout out to the Legends, Eyes Downtown, Can’t Touch This, The Malones, Mavericks, and ILF for earning bye weeks. Getting through Playoff Saturday is one of the most difficult tasks a team can face, be it a #1 seed or a #10 seed. If you’re new to the league, Playoff Saturday in the TSL is essentially the same as the first two days of March Madness. There are always some surprise upsets, very rarely do we “go chalk”. The problem is trying to figure out exactly WHO is going to pull off these upsets. Usually a team that’s been hot for a couple of weeks now and found their stride at the right time do pretty well, but also there’s a veteran team or two that has laid dormant for most of the year that turns it up to 11 now that the bright lights are on the games matter more than ever. Being able to avoid playing this weekend is the first step towards immortality. But for the 42 teams that still have to play this weekend, including some who will have doubleheaders, all eyes are on them. 

 

At this point, your group chat has had the pump up texts from someone on the team. “It doesn’t matter what happened in the regular season, everyone is 0-0 now!” or “It’s a brand new season!” type of stuff. However, they’re right. The regular season exists to prepare you for surviving these next two weeks. And that’s what you do. You survive. Surviving Playoff Saturday means you’ll be one of the 24 teams lucky enough to be playing on Championship Saturday, where the Road to Immortality brings you to a grueling back to back doubleheader against your toughest foes, and winning them both means you’ve EARNED your championship. Can you earn your immortality? Isn’t that why you’re here? 

 

Do you have what it takes? 

D1

 

The Contenders

 

Legends (2-1)

 

Eyes Downtown (2-1)

The “Don’t Look Past Us Or You’ll Get Got” Contender

 

Sticky Bandits (6-1)

The Other Two

 

Frodo Swaggins (10-1)

What A Dump (10-1)

Freeballers

 

Freeballers (101-1)

The Story: This looks like we’re headed for a Legends - Eyes Downtown title game for the ages. Those two teams have been heads and shoulders above the others for the entire season. The Sticky Bandits didn’t have the greatest of seasons, but once they’re at full power in the playoffs, they’ve shown what they can do. They just made their path to another potential title a bit harder is all. Frodo Swaggins improved by a good margin this season, and they earned 3rd place in D1. But they still falter against the top teams and they’ll need some luck to carry them further than where they are now. What A Dump had a slow start but they’ve picked it up a bit in recent weeks, and now they’ve activated “Dark Horse” status for sure. The Freeballers always seemed “THIS CLOSE” to a win this season but could never quite pull it off. While I could see an upset in the first round for them, they won’t be able to hang with the top teams. 

 

Bye Weeks: Legends, Eyes Downtown

 

#3 FRODO SWAGGINS (5-3) VS #6 FREEBALLERS (1-7)

 

PF: Frodo 30.25 (3rd) - FB 25.71 (6th)
PA: Frodo 32.88 (5th) - FB 38.86 (6th)

TSL Rank: Frodo 20th - FB 50th

Past Games: Frodo 41-37, Frodo 36-14

Line: Frodo Swaggins (-10)

 

The Freeballers COULD pull off an upset here, as shown by the narrow 4 point loss earlier this season, however, it feels unlikely. They’re still a decent distance behind the rest of D1, but some continuity heading into next season should help close that gap. As for Frodo, they worked hard to get to this point in the franchise’s history, and I don’t think they’ll lose focus for this one or look ahead to next week without taking care of business. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 18

#4 STICKY BANDITS (4-4) VS #5 WHAT A DUMP (3-5)

 

PF: SB 27.88 (4th) - WAD 26.25 (5th)

PA: SB 29.50 (3rd) - WAD 30.25 (4th)

TSL Rank: SB 25th - WAD 33rd

Past Games: Sticky 27-21

Line: Sticky Bandits (-3) 

The Sticky Bandits haven’t really had a great win all year, against a D1 team that is. They beat Frodo by 6, WAD by 6, and Freeballers by 7. Not exactly shoe-ins to do some playoff damage. They haven’t won a D1 game in a little bit, and perhaps they’ve lost their fastball? WAD had a good end to the season, including getting an almost win against Eyes Downtown. They’re starting to figure out what works for them this season, which is a key component for a dangerous team come playoff time. WHAT A DUMP BY 2

D2

 

The Contenders

 

Can’t Touch This (3-1)

The Malones (4-1)

Mavericks (8-1)

 

The Pretenders

 

Jabronies (15-1)

Scared Hitless (25-1)

The Story: Can’t Touch This ran roughshod over the division (only getting beaten by the Legends in the crossover game last week) however, The Malones started to pick up steam by the end of the season and you simply can’t count out the defending champions, even if they’re having a down year. The Top 3 teams have put themselves in a tier above the Jabronies and Scared Hitless, as predicted earlier this year. Show Me Your TDs existed in this world just to let others pad stats I guess, and to apparently give The Malones a surprise week off. Ah well. 

 

Bye Weeks: Can’t Touch This, Mavericks, The Malones

#4 JABRONIES (3-5) VS #5 SCARED HITLESS (2-6)

 

PF: Jabronies 23.43 (5th) - SH 30.86 (4th)

PA: Jabronies 34.86 (5th) - SH 34.57 (4th)

TSL Rank: Jabronies 37th - SH 45th

Past Games: Jabronies 44-14, Jabronies 29-22

Line: EVEN

 

The Jabronies came into the season with hopes of just competing with the other D2 teams, and needless to say, they kind of failed at that goal, mostly getting dunked on by the Top 3. The 3 wins were the 2 against SH, and a forfeit win over SMYTDs. This season was more of a learning experience anyway. Scared Hitless got the feel good 90 point win not too long ago, but the better look is when they beat The Malones 43-34. That’s the Scared Hitless people come to expect to see, and they’re a team that has built a reputation on showing up in the playoffs. This game is going to be more like the 29-22 game they recently played compared to the blowout. It all comes down to who wants it more, and in the playoffs, that tends to be Scared Hitless. SCARED HITLESS BY 6

D3

 

The Wanderers

 

Wanderers (2-1)

 

The “Non-Wanderers” Contenders: 

 

Practice Squad (6-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (6-1)

Cunning Stunts (7-1)

Bullet Club (8-1)

Becca Gets Reccked (8-1)

Buffalo Vice (8-1)

 

The Spunky Old Vet Team You Can’t Sleep On:

D-Generation X, Y, and Z (10-1)

 

The Pretenders

 

716 (716-1)

Girthquakes (150-1)

 

The Story: The Wanderers were a super squad all season, deviating from the “last second one score victory” mantra they’ve done for a long time. In fact, the only D3 teams they didn’t beat by over a touchdown this year are: Becca Gets Reccked (4 point win), PWI (3 point win), and Bullet Club (they didn’t play this season). You could also point out the Practice Squad game (9 point win) as a “closer” game, but needing a Gender TD and the extra point means there’s a lot more work involved to beat them than “score with anyone”. After that, D3 continued to be the most fun division top to bottom. Actually picking a top contender to play in the finals against the Wanderers feels like a fool’s errand. Practice Squad, PWI, the Stunts, Bullet Club, BGR, Vice, and yes, DXYZ all have beaten or tied each other in mostly close games. DXYZ suffers a bit for having to play in the 8v9 game first. 716 (who’s actual odds came in at 50-1, but 716-1 is just comedy that writes itself) had a good start to the year completely fall apart, and the Girthquakes did what they could do after losing some players they didn’t expect to lose to start the year. 

#7 BUFFALO VICE (3-4-1) VS #10 GIRTHQUAKES (1-7)

 

PF: Vice 31.50 (7th) - GQ 19.88 (10th)

PA: Vice 36.75 (6th) - GQ 36.88 (8th)

TSL Rank: Vice 32nd - GQ 52nd

Past Games: Vice 27-6

Line: Vice (-8) 

 

Buffalo Vice found themselves losing out on the tiebreaker against BGR (The team they didn’t play this season) by a measly 5 points in the point differential tiebreaker category. As a result, they get to play a bonus game! While Vice just easily handled GQ a couple of weeks ago, this game will largely depend on which GQ team shows up. There’s the GQ team that beat the Cunning Stunts, lost to Practice Squad by 4, and lost by 1 to DXYZ, and then there’s the GQ team that gets stomped by whoever they play. Either way I don’t think the Quakes can keep up in the scoring race here. BUFFALO VICE BY 14

 

#8 716 (3-5) vs #9 D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z (2-5-1)

 

PF: 716 31.43 (8th) - DXYZ 24.88 (9th)

PA: 716 43.00 (10th) - DXYZ 31.50 (4th)

TSL Rank: 716 38th - DXYZ 40th

Past Games: 716 40-28

Line: D-Generation X, Y, and Z (-5)

 

716 comes in as the higher seed, but DXYZ are the betting favorites here. 716 had a good start to the year, but then the wheels fell off for one reason or another (attendance issues, for one) and they plummeted down the standings. They’re one of the coldest teams in the TSL currently while the Kellers have played a LOT of close games that they just couldn’t pull out. Having their full team should probably help as well. They know how to win. D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z BY 7

#1 WANDERERS (8-0) VS #9 D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z (2-5-1)

 

PF: Wanderers 47.88 (1st) - DXYZ 24.88 (9th)

PA: Wanderers 27.00 (2nd) - DXYZ 31.50 (4th)

TSL Rank: Wanderers 2nd  - DXYZ 40th

Past Games: Wanderers 35-16

Line: Wanderers (-12)

 

The Wanderers win games by an average of nearly 21 points, which is crazy given how close D3 is top to bottom. In this timeline, they get to play a DXYZ team that they beat by 19 earlier in the season. I can’t imagine the Wanderers losing this one, but I think we’re going to see them go back to their “win by a late one score” ways here. DXYZ gives them a run for their money. WANDERERS BY 2

#2 PRACTICE SQUAD (5-3) VS #7 BUFFALO VICE (3-4-1)

 

PF: PS 33.57 (4th) - Vice 31.50 (7th)

PA: PS 26.86 (1st) - Vice 36.75 (6th)

TSL Rank: PS 14th - Vice 32nd

Past Games: Vice 38-37

Line: Practice Squad (-3)

 

Practice Squad shook off an early 0-2 start (including the loss to Vice) to go 5-1 down the stretch, with the only loss coming to the Wanderers. They boast D3’s top ranked defense, which is an impressive feat given the toughness of the division, and like it or not, the offense will get a boost as “Playoff B” comes to town. Few QBs in TSL history have stepped it up in the playoffs more than B has in his career, not to mention when he gets to play a team he’s already lost to once during the season. Unlike his beloved Jets, it’s hard to beat B twice in a season. Add in the fact that Vice will have already played a game and things don’t look good for them here. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 13

 

#3 PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED (5-3) VS #6 BECCA GETS RECCKED (3-4-1)

 

PF: PWI 42.88 (3rd) - BGR 32.13 (6th)

PA: PWI 34.38 (5th) - BGR 36.75 (6th)

TSL Rank: PWI 17th - BGR 31st

Past Games: PWI 48-37

Line: Passing While Intoxicated (-5)

 

PWI’s hot start to the season started to fizzle a little bit once they started getting into the meat of their schedule, but they did manage to beat BGR by 11 during that stretch. The tough part is going to be preparing for a BGR team that may end up with the entire team showing up, or will they have some players missing? BGR has a history of showing up in the playoffs and treating the regular season like a fun house, so I’d assume they’ll all be there with bells on. Buddy Lee has put together a QB of the Year campaign for PWI, as has TD Tori for D3 Female of the Year (too bad we don’t do Spring only awards), but one has to wonder if PWI will be feeling the pressure of being a front runner when they’re usually the team that surprises? BGR feels a bit too rough this season though and “the vibes are off” as the kids say. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 4

 

#4 CUNNING STUNTS (4-3-1) VS #5 BULLET CLUB (3-3-2)

 

PF: CS 43.50 (2nd) - BC 32.35 (5th)

PA: CS 37.38 (9th) - BC 30.00 (3rd)

TSL Rank: CS 21st - BC 28th

Past Games: TIE 46-46

Line: Cunning Stunts (-3)

 

The Stunts had an unfamiliar season for them, only winning half of their games in a season for the first time in forever. While the offense still figured out how to put up points, the Stunts’ defense has been having a little trouble adjusting to the higher division. Bullet Club ends up with a weird 3-3-2 record after an injury riddled season that saw them still compete in most games. There’s a world where they end up beating the Stunts and BGR instead of tying them, and they would probably like that game against 716 back as well, and all of a sudden they’re 6-2 and the talk of the town, non-Wanderers division. I expect another back and forth, close game here, and going chalk in D3 feels wrong anyway. BULLET CLUB BY 2

D4

 

The Contenders

 

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (3-1)

Mike’s Detailing (3-1)

Bird Watching in my Birkenstocks (5-1)

 

The Murky Middle

 

Puckett (8-1)

Tater Tots (8-1)

 

The Not This Time

 

Come From Behind (15-1)

 

Cobblestone

 

Cobblestone (1000-1)

The Story: ILF, Mike’s Detailing, and BWB have all distanced themselves from the rest of the pack, but with Puckett always ramping it up in the playoffs and the Tots having “Playoff B”, there’s potential for upsets. Come From Behind has had an up and down season that’s maybe been mostly down as of late, and Cobblestone might even show up for the playoffs! Oh, and Vaspian forfeited. Weak. 

Bye Week: ILF

 

#2 Bird Watching In My Birkenstocks (6-2) vs #8 Cobblestone (0-8)

 

PF: BWB 40.75 (1st) - Cobblestone 9.60 (8th)

PA: BWB 21.88 (1st) - Cobblestone 56.20 (8th)

TSL Rank: BWB 10th - Cobblestone 53rd

Past Games: BWB 56-8, BWB 88-14

Line: Bird Watching In My Birkenstocks (-20)

 

Cobblestone showed up for both games against BWB, but they would’ve been better off not doing so, getting outscored 144-22 in them. It was a tough season for Darryl Carr QB Superstar, as his teammates and his family members let him down this year by not showing up for games and making him look bad. How rude. BWB, on the other hand, had a pretty nice year, going 6-2 and rounding into a title contender, but their stats might be a TAD inflated from the Cobblestone games. But it won’t matter here. BIRD WATCHING IN MY BIRKENSTOCKS BY 17

#3 Mike’s Detailing (5-3) vs #6 Come From Behind (3-5)

 

PF: MD 34.00 (3rd) - CFB 24.57 (6th)

PA: MD 24.86 (4th) - CFB 32.86 (7th)

TSL Rank: MD 12th - CFB 36th

Past Games: MD 41-12

Line: Mike’s Detailing (-8)

 

Mike’s Detailing showed yet another year of growth this season as they turned themselves into bonafide D4 title contenders. A 39-22 loss to the Tots was their only true hiccup on the season, as their other losses were by 3 to Puckett to start the season and then last week they lost by 2 to ILF, showing they have what it takes to win the whole shebang. Come From Behind didn’t have the best showing in D4, as their defense got beat up quite a bit, but they DID beat ILF this season, so they can’t ever be slept on. However, I don’t think MD is sleeping on anything right now. MIKE’S DETAILING BY 10

#4 PUCKETT (5-3) VS #5 TATER TOTS (4-4)

 

PF: Puckett 31.00 (4th) - TT 29.00 (5th)

PA: Puckett 31.50 (6th) - TT 30.88 (5th)

TSL Rank: Puckett 16th - TT 26th

Past Games: Puckett 60-28

Line: EVEN

 

From what I recall, the 60-28 thrashing was a result of the Tots not having a QB all game which led to that destruction. Assuming that isn’t happening again, the stage is set for one of the best games of the day, even on a day where every game is a game of the day. These two teams are very evenly matched. Puckett’s three losses were to the top 3 seeds in the division (although they did beat Mike’s Detailing as well), so they haven’t taken any weeks off and they prove they’re right on the edge of competing for the title. The Tots’ season wasn’t going too poorly before back to back weeks of getting destroyed. They ended up with a good win over Cobblestone to “get right” before playoffs, but it’ll be interesting to see if they really corrected whatever was going wrong before that. In a coin-flip game, give me the team that’s won 5 championships in their history. Here’s your inspiration, B. PUCKETT BY 7

D5

 

The Contenders

 

Powerpuff Girls (3-2)

The Best Chance To Get Slapped By The Powerpuff Girls

 

Two Tuddies (10-1)

 

The Former D6 Top Teams

 

Not So Sticky (12-1)

Sausage McMuffins (20-1)

Blitzkrieg (20-1)

 

The Pretenders

 

Jake From State Farm (30-1)

Mo’ Chicken (30-1)

Pit Harade (30-1)

The Story: To quote a random child from The Simpsons: “Stop! Stop! He’s already dead!”. In D5, you’re either the Powerpuff Girls or you don’t know your season is already over. The PPG led the entire TSL in offense this season, as they took “the leap” that gender teams eventually get to when they play together long enough. Other D5 teams have solid - good ladies, but nobody really has the full complement of stars needed to keep pace with the Powerpuffs. They went 8-0 for a reason and won every game by double digits. (Their closest game was 10 points against Blitzkrieg, who arguably has the best overall girls to compete with the PPG, ironically.) The Tud Buds are an excellent team that should be D4 bound no matter what, they also jumped up a level but it wasn’t noticed as much as the PPG dominance sort of overshadowed it. Not So Sticky, SMM, and BK all have the ability to compete with them and “shock the world” but it feels unlikely. They feel inevitable. JFSF, Mo, and PH all had largely forgettable seasons and shouldn’t realistically play into the championship picture. Stir The Sauce already forfeited. Weak. 

#1 POWERPUFF GIRLS (8-0) VS #9 PIT HARADE (1-7)

 

PF: PPG 48.25 (1st) - PH 19.00 (7th)

PA: PPG 17.25 (1st) - PH 28.63 (7th)

TSL Rank: PPG 1st - PH 51st

Past Games: PPG 51-20

Line: Powerpuff Girls (-14)

 

The Powerpuff Girls coasted through the season, and ended up with the league’s top offense AND top defense. There’s not much more to say to them other than good luck in D4 next season, no matter what. With the STS forfeit, Pit Harade gets to move on without playing a game, but the prize is this game against the PPG so maybe STS was onto something with forfeiting here? Either way, the PPG beat PH by 31 earlier this season. PH might prove to be a tougher out than some of the other lower seeded teams, but I’m not sure it’s going to matter. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 18

#2 TWO TUDDIES (7-1) VS #7 MO’ CHICKEN (2-6)

 

PF: TT 33.00 (2nd) - MO 16.63 (9th)

PA: TT 21.13 (4th) - MO 32.63 (9th)

TSL Rank: TT 7th - MO 42nd

Past Games: TT 53-8

Line: Two Tuddies (-13)

 

Mo’ Chicken’s debut season wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t exactly what they hoped it would be either. There were some growing pains along the way, but the potential for more is there, so hopefully they stick together and gear up for the fall. While there is a non-zero chance they win, it’s QUITE slim. The Tuddies have been firing on all cylinders: males, females, and the QB play has been top notch. In any other season, they’d be championship favorites, which has to sting a little bit. They shouldn’t have any problem moving on. TWO TUDDIES BY 19

 

#3 NOT SO STICKY (5-3) VS #6 JAKE FROM STATE FARM (3-5)

 

PF: NSS 23.38 (5th) - JFSF 23.88 (4th)

PA: NSS 21.00 (3rd) - JFSF 28.25 (6th)

TSL Rank: NSS 19th - JFSF 35th

Past Games: NSS 25-12

Line: Not So Sticky (-7)

 

Not So Sticky had a very Not So Sticky season. They played low scoring games for the most part, had a pretty good defense, an average offense, and ended up right around .500. But they more than likely had fun doing it. Now they get a JFSF team still looking to make their mark on the league. They beat the other “pretenders” this season, but a signature playoff win would put them a bit more on the map other than “the guys Wrestler Forfeit Dan didn’t want”. Whatever happened with that STS breakup, it doesn’t matter anymore as JFSF has emerged as the victors from that divorce, beating STS and not forfeiting a playoff game. JFSF does have a veteran presence on their roster, so they know what to do, but it becomes a matter of execution. That’s never fully in question for NSS. NOT SO STICKY BY 3

 

#4 SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS (4-3-1) VS #5 BLITZKRIEG (3-4-1)

 

PF: SMM 25.75 (3rd) - BK 19.38 (6th)

PA: SMM 26.25 (5th) - BK 18.75 (2nd)

TSL Rank: SMM 22nd - BK 29th

Past Games: TIE 21-21

Line: EVEN

 

These two teams simply cannot quit each other. The old D6 title rivals moved up to D5 together, both took similar paths on the way to the playoffs (SMM has lost 3 in a row, BK went 1-3 down the stretch, only beating Mo’ Chicken along the way. They tied each other, because of course they did. They’re right next to each other in point differential. One has the better offense, the other has the better defense. But only one of them will move on to Championship Saturday in their first D5 season. The biggest question of course, is which one? At the end of the day, defense wins championships. I’m sorry, Blitzkrieg. BLITZKRIEG BY 1, PROBABLY IN OT

 

D6

 

The Contenders

 

TMA (3-1)

Balls Deep (3-1)

 

The Outside Contenders:

 

Blue Ballers (5-1)

 

The Dark Horse

 

Raw Milkers (9-1)

 

The Pretenders

 

Dogg Pound (15-1)

Intentional Clowning (15-1)

Irish Giants (17-1)

Select (17-1)

 

The Story: The best story of the TSL season has been the reemergence of TMA, even though their run to an undefeated season was ended on the season’s final day. Balls Deep has had a fantastic season as they’ve kept pace with TMA this year, but may arguably be the more well rounded team. The Blue Ballers are a fun story, and they’ve crushed the division in terms of scoring (they average over 7 points more a game than anyone else in D6) BUT they don’t know how to stop a team from scoring, which has cost them the key games against TMA and Balls Deep. The Raw Milkers are in a class of their own, and they look to pull off an upset of one of the top teams. Despite averaging just under 17 points a game, the Irish Giants somehow upset TMA and ended up 4-4 and my brain doesn’t quite grasp how that happened. The Dogg Pound and Select also average under 20 points scored but their defense keeps all three of those teams in games. Intentional Clowning had a season to forget, and their defense feels almost non-existent this year. Sticky Laces has already forfeited. Weak. 

 

#1 TMA (7-1) vs #9 INTENTIONAL CLOWNING (2-6)

 

PF: TMA 31.25 (2nd) - IC 25.13 (5th)

PA: TMA 20.63 (2nd) - IC 31.75 (9th)

TSL Rank: TMA 8th - IC 46th

Past Games: TMA 34-12

Line: TMA (-10)

TMA blew their 8-0 season last week, but I’m sure they’re okay with “getting the loss out of the way”. It’s been a return to form season for TMA, as they’re back to being a winning squad. The TSL is better when TMA is winning. It’s just science. As for IC, they had to have some bad luck along the way. They were getting better with each season, and all of a sudden their defense crumbled. They’re arguably better than 9th place, but not THAT much better. TMA BY 10

 

#2 BALLS DEEP (6-2) vs #8 SELECT (2-6)

 

PF: BD 31.13 (3rd) - Select 18.38 (8th)

PA: BD 19.13 (1st) - Select 26.13 (5th)

TSL Rank: BD 9th - Select 41st

Past Games: BD 20-0

Line: Balls Deep (-12)

 

Balls Deep’ 31 points scored per game is impressive, but what’s even more impressive is how they really figured out defense. Word is that the ladies on the team have really stepped it up and are a big reason why they’ve been so good this season. Select has gone through some growing pains, but they’ve shown flashes of how good they can be. This might not be their year, but I think they should be on everyone’s watch list for the Fall. BALLS DEEP BY 8

 

#3 BLUE BALLERS (6-2) vs #6 DOGG POUND (3-5)

 

PF: BB 38.88 (1st) - DP 19.25 (7th)
PA: BB 29.38 (8th) - DP 23.50 (3rd)

TSL Rank: BB 11th - DP 34th

Past Games: BB 39-34

Line: Blue Ballers (-8)

 

The Blue Ballers brand of “all gas no brakes” has vaulted them into contender status as they score in bunches…but allow points in bunches too. This game is a replay from last week which saw the Ballers win by 5, but gave the anemic DP offense its highest point total of the season. The Blue Ballers make things hard on themselves by allowing so many points, which will eventually come back to haunt them, however that feels like a “next week” problem. BLUE BALLERS BY 9

 

#4 IRISH GIANTS (4-4) vs #5 RAW MILKERS (3-4-1)

 

PF: IG 16.88 (9th) - RAW 25.25 (4th)

PA: IG 24.50 (4th) - RAW 26.75 (6th)

TSL Rank: IG 27th - RAW 30th

Past Games: RAW 46-8

Line: Raw Milkers (-7)

 

The Irish Giants feel like the most unlikely 4th seed in TSL history. They have a pretty terrible offense, yet they also beat TMA last week. I have no good read on them, and understandably so. The Raw Milkers are this close to being the league darlings after a solid first season. Also, while they lost to the top 3 teams, it was only 16 to the BB, 6 to TMA, and 8 to Balls Deep. They were a weird 28-28 tie with Sticky Laces (still weak) away from being the 4th seed instead. At the end of the day, that doesn’t really matter. RAW MILKERS BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• I wonder if the Sticky Bandits have been laying in wait all season and they’re going to kick it up a notch in the playoffs? Would you be surprised if it came out that Jeff Krol has figured out “Load Management” for his players during the regular season so they operate at peak performance in the playoffs? I wouldn’t. 

 

 

 

• What #1 seed has the greatest potential to not make it to win their division this year? I never think any team is a slam dunk champion, but it's hard to pick against the Powerpuff Girls this year, so it isn’t them. TMA was 7-1, but Balls Deep is just as good as they are, so it might be TMA. But I could say the same for CTT (Malones) and Legends (Eyes Downtown). Or even ILF (MD/BWB). That surprisingly leaves us with the Wanderers as the most likely to lose #1 seed, as they get the “joy” of playing in the blender that is D3. 

 

 

 

• There’s really something about the #5 seeds this year. What A Dump has the talent but just needs to put it together in D1. Scared Hitless are proven playoff performers in D2. Bullet Club is a veteran team that can’t be slept on in D3. The Tater Tots in D4 could easily get hot and pull off an upset. Blitzkrieg has a fantastic defense and championship pedigree in D5, and the Raw Milkers in D6 have been a revelation of sorts. If all the #5 seeds advance to play in their respective championships, it would be shocking, but not completely out of nowhere. 

 

 

 

• Is getting a bye week worth it? Does the extra week of rest really help a TSL franchise like it would in say, the NFL? I’d lean towards yes, simply because weird things can happen on the field weekly that can sink a team’s ship in the playoffs, not to mention a star player could get hurt too. 

 

 

 

• All eyes are going to be on John “Scumbag” Langley as he attempts to be the league’s biggest villain by taking on both gender teams and kicking them out of the playoffs early. What does John have against women? (Topper may or may not have submitted this question to be in the article.)

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR PLAYOFF SATURDAY

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions:

• Syd On My Face 37, Mel-icious Minx 30

• ReinCARnated 40, Miles On It 24

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Puckett vs Tater Tots

• 11:00 - PWI vs Becca Gets Reccked

• 12:00 - Wanderers vs DXYZ (maybe)

• 1:00 - Sausage McMuffins vs Blitzkrieg

• 2:00 - Cunning Stunts vs Bullet Club

 

 

 

• What is the weather supposed to be like for the playoffs in Buffalo? Allegedly it should be Mostly Sunny and 86 degrees. Another perfect day for football. Wear your sunscreen. 

 

 

 

• AS PER USUAL: CHILL OUT ON THE REFS. I know that tensions are high, as the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality is upon us, but a bad call WILL be made, don’t be a complete jerk about it. 

 

 

 

• The Wine Tournament is August 9th at The Black Willow Winery! Sign up today! 

 

 

 

• Can you imagine if we get Buddy Lee vs B in the championship games for both D3 AND D4? It’s not implausible. 

 

 

 

• Word around the Telegram App is that the bar has been picking up steam as the weather has gotten nicer. Make sure you keep it classy and don’t attack any potted plants, win or lose. 

 

 

 

• Is there a potential Topper sighting this weekend? What about B’s Brother? Who has his support in these playoffs? Are we SURE he supports B?

 

 

 

• I still can't get over how poetic it is that the McMuffins are playing Blitzkrieg in the D5 playoffs. 

 

 

 

• Lastly, we are doing our best to start the games ON TIME. With the potential for overtime being there and fields running behind, make sure your team is there EARLY and READY TO GO as best you can. 

 

The Race For Social Co-Ed Immortality Is Here! Good Luck! 

 

-GF OUT

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