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“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

Jim Carey

Enter Week #5. It is finally time. Time for (2) of the greatest juggernauts in social co ed football history to wage battle once again. You may or may not know the story. Many, many, many moons ago Bobby McConnell and Corey Turner were BFF’s. They met in the underground flag football scene many years ago. Bobby could throw and Turner could call plays. They won league after league after league. They blew up Game On then headed to TSL. Things started slow but it all changed when we all met a guy named “Delecki.” Delecki was the missing piece to the equation. He was silky smooth on the field and he brought his crew instant street cred off it. Bobby and Corey won more titles then “it” happened. Yes the inevitable “break up.” There are those that will tell you Bobby drove them to leaving. Others will tell you that Turner’s ego to run his own gig caused the break up. And still others will tell you they were split right down the middle as half of them were PRO B’s Brother and half of them were CON B’s Brother. And what became of Delecki? To be honest I am not so sure. Delecki played another season or so and helped the Mayors take home their first title. Then one day he just “disappeared.” Some say he had a work opportunity but I know different. I know somewhere in a deep dark place Delecki knew better than anyone that the breakup was heart breaking and it wasn’t right and he knew he couldn’t continue. So where is Delecki now? Some say he is in Hollywood. Some claim he works in the linen department of Bed Bath and Beyond.  Others claim he grew a full beard and now lives in a van down by the river. Some say they saw him on the price is right in a “showcase showdown.”  Others claim that once a year Delecki comes out on December 25^th as he is the one that eats the milk and cookies you put out for Santa Claus. So where do we go from here? What happens next? And most importantly what ever became of Delecki? Maybe this Saturday we get to find out……If not make sure on the night of December 24th to leave double stuff Oreo’s and skim milk out for Delecki….wink wink…..I mean Santa Claus….

DIVISION #1

HOOTIE AND THE BROFISH VS RACKS AND SACKS +13: This is a tale of (2) teams heading in different directions. RAS was supposed to take the next step. Travis cleaned house and was going to lead them to the promise land. That has not happened yet and you can tell Travis is in over his head. HATBF are a matchup nightmare. They have size, speed and they have a girl that can flat out go. The RAS corner is in for trouble this week. RAS is at a cross roads. This is the week we truly see what RAS are made of. They can still circle the wagons and get off the mat. They must either win or show well this week. If they get blown out again after a week off to clear their heads it will be all over as they will neve recover. I am curious to see what RAS are made of this week. HATBF do have holes in their defense that can be exploited. Let’s see if RAS sees them and attacks. HOOTIE AND THE BROFISH BY 11

MARKETING MAYORS VS TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION +8: Like RAS, TEIM is at a crossroads as well. They were supposed to be the team that was “on the rise” and ready to “take the next step” but that has yet to happen. One could make the argument HATBF have already passed them in the pecking order. TEIM is fast and they are skilled but they still lack an identity. Yes TEIM did beat MM so that’s a bonus but they have to show well this week as they too will be under the microscope. MM are loaded on both sides of the ball and are as tough as they come in this league. TEIM would be wise to avoid Andy Smith at all costs! If you go at Smith you will wish you didn’t. If it was me I would attack the other side. MARKETING MAYORS BY 7

MARKETING MAYORS +3 VS EYES DOWNTOWN:  ED has been rolling with the B squad the past few weeks and that’s OK but now its time to kick their game up a nickel as 2 of their biggest rivals are heading their way soon. Chadwick returned last week to stabilize a defense that was starting get run over a tad. MM knows ED and ED knows MM. There will be nothing new in this one, this game comes down to execution. I know both squads are awesome and both squads should put on a show for the ages I just can’t help but think MM will be out gunned without Delecki. If Delecki plays MM probably gets over but he won’t so my money is on Eyes Downtown. This game is huge as it will give the winner huge confidence as playoffs will be quickly approaching.  EYES DOWNTOWN BY 1

DIVISION #3

BULLETT CLUB +1 VS 1 TOPPER TOO MANY: BC was off last week and could be rusty. Team Topper dusted up A&A and Sticky but many claim they have had an easy schedule to date. So who is for real and who isn’t? I think we will know by 12:00. Easton needs to start spreading the ball around better as he is starting to turn into a “one trick pony” by always throwing to Beesing. Drew will need to be ready to go in this one. Usually BC has a big girl edge but I don’t think so this week as Team Topper has been getting awesome production from their ladies. We can go on and on about this that and the other thing but at this point I am just ready to see (2) good football teams play a solid football game. BULLETT CLUB BY 3

GRYFFINDOR +8 VS MORNING WOOD: ****BREAKING NEWS****: I was just told “glasses” will not be playing in this game so we are moving the line to Gryffindor +1. “Glasses” has been killing the Gyrff secondary as everyone just runs right by him. Without “glasses” we can get down to bidness. The stars will be out this week as each team is loaded. The key to this game will be simply this, is JJ playing? If he is MW should roll as the Gryff does not have a tower to run with him. If JJ does not show this game should be close. Burr and Dave will be an awesome battle to watch. If Dave and Burr go heads up Tony will be needed more so than ever. I think we might see the Batman rush as the MW QB likes to dance all over the f’n place. When the dust settles I see an instant classic in this one. Last week SITE didn’t take Mo seriously let’s see if the Gryff makes the same mistake.  MORNING WOOD BY 10…. now that I know “glasses” is out I am saying Morning Wood by 2.

DMX VS COBBLESTONE +13: Usually right now Cobblestone is like 3-1 and looking forward to another shot at the title. It pains me to see our friends at Cobblestone struggling so. There must be something we can do. Or should we all just go to Garrett Beesing’s house and stand on his sidewalk and boooo him every time he leaves or walks in his house? Darryl Carr QB Superstar is still the greatest leader of modern times. He will find a way to fix the mess and right the ship. DMX will win this game and CS will struggle but I am here to tell you better days are coming. We will return to former days of glory. Days of Darryl throwing magical spirals through the air. Days of Cobblestone victories not defeat. Have patience my friends better days are coming….DMX BY 11

DIVISION #4

STEVE’S CUZ’INS +1 VS CINTAS: Cousin Steve came back to earth last week as he continued to throw off his back foot and did not step into his throws. Cousin Steve has talent all over the field he needs to just clear his head and make his throws. I am hearing rumors we won’t see Joey Batts as Cunning Stunts is playing at the same time so this could affect the outcome. Cintas have a decent team that is 2-1 but they are struggling to put up big offensive numbers. As long as Cousin Steve slows the game down and makes simple throws and follows through and does not get caught flat footed he should prevail. STEVE’S CUZ’INS AKA HOMETECH POINT OH 2 BY 6

HK7 +6 VS ULTIMATE WARRIORS: UW is 3-1 and HK7 is 2-1 as both are running right through every team TSL trots in front of them. Both squads are doing it with offense. HK7 absolutely rolled Tune Squad last week while UW keeps moving right along. The HK7 QB is very good. HK7 also has a very good girl in Emily Schilling but she could be neutralized this week by the Queen Bee of D4. Sam has returned this session and will be looking to make a statement this week.  If I was both these teams I would make sure to take notes on the other as they could be seeing each other again later this season….ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 4

BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS +6 VS 3^RD AND SCHLONG: This one should be good. I wonder if 3AS keys on Katie Keller too much and BSS springs a trap and shocks them. BSS can surprise teams in D4. 3AS has been known to go to Katie Keller early and often so this is one storyline to keep your eyes on in this one. 3AS is solid on both sides of the ball. BSS isn’t the fastest team out there but they kind of just do everything pretty well. I see both these teams matching up very well. I expect a close one that might not be decided until late. 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 3

TUNE SQUAD +11 VS 3^RD AND SCHLONG: TS is struggling as they can’t score and their defense is getting lit up. Maybe next season a trip to D5 might do them some good. 3AS is 1-2 and they have just looked a tad off on offense. The good news if you’re a 3AS fan is they will win big this week. The bad news is they still have issues to address on both offense and defense. Sometimes an easy schedule game is the cure for what ails you. I expect 3AS to roll this week. 2-2 is on their horizon. 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 10

BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS +4 VS PUCKETT ALL STARS: This one should be good as both are off to nice starts. PAS are usually in shoot out mode as their defense can be lit up sometimes so they just have to outscore their opponents. BSS is off to a 2-1 start. They are a decent team with a solid offense and defense.  I just am not sold on them getting into a shootout with PAS and beating them. PAS can get into trouble when they go long too much. If BSS can force them to go long early and often and get a break or two they could get lucky. It just seems like PAS has a tad more in the tank than BSS does. PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 7

DIVISION #5

VANDALAY INDUSTRIES +6 VS CUNNING STUNTS: This one could be good. VI is off to a nice 2-2 start but they do not fare well with “rabitt” teams. Up next are the 3-1 Cunning Stunts who are playing solid ball of late. Joey Batts has been quoted as saying that this team is his favorite to play with as they flat out “listen.” CS is rolling on both sides of the ball. CS will have the speed edge, VI will have the size edge and of course CS will have the legend edge as Joey Batts out legends the Topper. CS must get quick 5-7 yard gains and stay smart on offense. VI must take advantage of their size and slow the game down. I expect a barn burner in this one.  CUNNING STUNTS BY 4

HUNG BUFFALO VS WITTER’S +7: I was hoping for more from Witter’s, so far, we have yet to see it. They are 1-3 but they are capable of much more as this team needs to listen to their captain. They have solid leadership and a very good girl amongst them. HB is the definition of “journeymen” team. They are solid on both sides of the ball. They are battle tested and they have seen it all. They have played and won the big games before. HB has some big wins so far under their belt and I just don’t see them getting upset this week. HB is definitely in the race for the title. I fear Witter’s is still learning, better days are yet to come. HUNG BUFFALO BY 6

DIVISION #6

TIGHT END ZONES +11 VS THE PRACTICE SQUAD: TPS is up against it this week as they have PP on their schedule. TEZ hasn’t exactly been scoring much on offense and that is a problem because you can’t win if you can’t score. TPS has one of the stingiest defenses in D6 so yards will be at a premium this week. I expect TPS to do just enough to score about 24-29 points and they probably hold TEZ to 13-15 points.  THE PRACTICE SQUAD BY 14

THE BIPOLAR EXPPRESS (NO LINE DUE TO THE FEAR OF WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN) VS PEACHY PLATOON: I fear hell, fire and brimstone are headed our way. And no I am not saying Gordon is about to go BiPolar though I put the odds at him blowing up at 87% in this game. PP is dialed in and checks all the boxes. I fear their team speed and offensive prowess (LOL I said prowess) will be a tad too much for this new squad. I would suggest Joe K tries to get himself and the best player on PP thrown out together this might give BPE a chance. If Joe K is any kind of friend he will get himself and like 3 PP players all thrown out at once.   PEACHY PLATOON ALOT TO A LITTLE

PRACTICE SQUAD +7 VS PEACHY PLATOON:  This could be interesting. PP has basically run over D6 and their last true test awaits them. TPS has been hot and cold. They can win the title. They do have a solid team. They just can’t seem to put it all together. TPS has an awesome defense but they are struggling to score. PP has been scoring at will and plays tough D. TPS will need to fix their offensive woes or this fight won’t last long. I think TPS can bring the fight but I am not ready to pick them just yet. PEACHY PLATOON BY 8

THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS +6 VS JABRONIES: OK BPE could win this one. They have a shot people! New teams struggle so in time this team will be ready to go. Gordon is one sharp cookie and in time will have the Express in contention. Jabronies are struggling on offense, so I am betting the under. I think we see about 25-30 total points in this game and we will all be front row for a good old fashion defensive battle. BPE will show up and will be tough but ultimately Jabronies probably take this one as they are a tad more seasoned . JABRONIES BY 4

JABRONIES +8 VS CELINO SEWER RATS: Jabronies are 1-2 and are struggling to score. CSR seems to be in the top group of 3 or so teams in D6. CSR has played solid offense and their defense has been stout. Jabronies are probably going to struggle to score as CSR should go back to their winning ways this week. At least Jabronies get to be a part of the bright lights and big city as this game is heading towards FIELD #1 at 2:00.  CELINO SEWER RATS BY 10

PASSLESS CHAPS +7 VS THE MCKENZIE AGENCY: I think this one could be decent. TMA will be in the top 3-4 by seasons send they just need more time to gel and figure out who is supposed to play where. PC are 2-2 in D6 and look right at home. PC should so shock TMA and bring really really really really really really really really really realty tall guy to the fields this week and keep throwing him jump balls. I will be watching Ferger closely this week. He has never had this many weapons before so eventually the offense is just going to bust out and start scoring at will. At some point RW is going to have like 15 catches for 90 yards and 5 TDS. This could be the week as PC struggles on defense. The McKenzie Agency by 8

5 Questions for Saturday

1. Is Team Topper a legit 5-0 or are they the by-product of an easy early season schedule? We should know by about noon. Bullett Club is a solid team that will come to play. Speaking of pressure, I am hearing Jeff Easton has been keying on Beesing too much and there are quiet grumbles he isn’t as efficient as he was last session. We will know by days end if these 2 teams are contenders or pretenders for the D3 title.

2. Has Racks and Sacks circled the wagons and are ready for the stretch run or are they about to fold like a tent? HATBF is one tough out in D1 that will bring all kinds of match up headaches. RAS better stop the long ball stuff and just go back to simple 7-10 yard gains on offense. 14 points a game isn’t going to bring home a D1 title.

3. BiPolar Express vs Peachy platoon does not look like a very good matchup on paper. Is this the week Gordon finally goes BiPolar? I say NO. OK I was sooooo kidding I sooooo see him going off in this one.

4.  Is D3 a (4) or (5) team race to the finish line? We will know by 1:00 after Morning Wood plays Gryffindor. If MW rolls Gryffindor might not recover. If the Gryff wins they get right back into the race. No pressure Gryffindor…no…pressure….

5.  Are Jabronies ready for the bright lights and big city when they head to FIELD #1 at 2:00 to take on Celino Sewer Rats? I think flex scheduling can be a great thing. Good luck Jabronies…

10 Final Thoughts for Saturday

1. The game I have my eye on is in D1 where WW3 is about to begin at 1:00 when Eyes Downtown and Marketing Mayors have at it. We can go on and on about this that or the other thing but this game will just come down to execution PERIOD.

2. There is not a team in this league that has more pressure on them right now than Tight Ends in Motion. I always say there are 3 “true” tests in D1. TEIM failed their first two tests miserably against both Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown. Now it is time for Test #3 as Marketing Mayors are up next. TEIM has beaten the Mayors before but can they now? TEIM needs to find an identity and more importantly they must, they MUST find a leader that can pick them up and lead them through the tough days and into the promise land. TEIM has skill all over the field it is now time to unleash it.

3.  Talking about pressure, the TSL’er with the 2^nd most amount of pressure on them is none other than the “chosen one” Joey Battgalia. Gryffindor is a pedestrian 2-2 right now and a very tough Moring Wood is up next. If you like awesome 1 on 1 battles look no further than the match up of the day when Jeremy Burr and Dave Wilborn have at it for D3 supremacy. Its funny, these 2 will wage war but they could have easily just been teammates together in D1. It’s a shame it had to come to this. Joey Batts must find a way to take this game or Gryffindor could be in big trouble. Gryffindor must find a way to tighten up the defense. Giving up 30 a game will not bring home a D3 title.

4. If you like good offense look no further than the HK7 vs Ultimate Warriors game. HK7 is 2-1 and looks dialed in on offense while Ultimate Warriors are cruising at a 3-1 clip as they have looked awesome on both sides of the ball. Both squads check all the boxes as they both have solid offense and play tight defenses. We could be looking at a D4 title game preview.

5. Vandalay Industries is 2-2 and have shown some good and bad. They have been very decent on offense but their defense at times can be exploited. Cunning Stunts is up next and have been dialed in for a few sessions now. Let us not forget VI lost to Matty’s Angles 42-32 so they have shown that they can be beaten up by a quick gender team. The Stunts are not as fast as the Angels but they are solid top to bottom.  

6. So I can’t predict games correctly…. OK Lenny why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and why don’t you try to handicap and pick some games next week? Let’s see how you do hotshot!!!

7. It looks like it’s another slow schedule this week.  BTW I for one think the league has done a great job cleaning up the sub mess of last session. I am hearing a list will be sent in the next week or so to captains making sure all captains understand what girls they can or can not use for the playoffs. It is priority one to make sure the playoffs are fair and apples to apples for everyone.

8. 3^rd and Schlong can easily get back up off the mat and back into the D4 title race with 2 big wins against teams they should beat this week. 1-2 could very easily be 3-2 by days end. If they don’t win both I would have some concern as they head down the stretch.

9. I know DMX is going to beat up on Cobblestone this week, but so far I have not been very impressed with them. I was so hoping they were going to throw their hat in the ring and get into the D3 title sweep stakes but I have yet to see it. Their offense has been good but not great but their defense still needs work. DMX has a lot to improve on before the playoffs start.

10. If the Practice Squad wants to know where they stand in D6 this is the week they find out. Peachy Platoon will be one tough team to beat. TPS is up against it and will need to bring it this week.

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