• Print
• Email

The TSL is like any great movie or TV series with many characters and moving parts. Week 1 of the 2019 Spring session was no different, as the weather and the fields picked up right where we left off in the Fall, like a terrible cliffhanger. Regardless of the 60 degree days Buffalo was having, the First Saturday of the TSL brought the league 30 degrees, snow, muddy fields, and for some, misery. While you can never truly win a championship on Week 1, you sure can lose it. Poor performances can create doubt within your team, and it’s how you handle that early adversary that can be the difference between co-ed football immortality or crying to Topper about how much you need to drop a division.

Let’s get onto the games:

D1:

Public Enemy vs #XTC@AB (+10): This is PE’s first game of the season and sources around the league expect them to be dialed in more than ever. #XTC@AB might sound like a computer virus, but they’re actually a combination of some of the league’s nicest people. Unfortunately, in D1, nice people finish last more often than not. A 29-12 drubbing by Marketing Mayors left #XTCAB with a bad taste in their mouths, but this isn’t the week that they right the ship. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 14

Public Enemy vs 1 Todd 2 Many (+8): Topper did it! He walked into D1, smacked around Tight Ends in Motion, and won 7-6. At the very least, he showed the league that he can be a force in the highest division. Enter PE, the defending champions. Team Topper will have an advantage with PE having already played a game, but I’m not entirely sure it’s going to matter this time around. Topper hangs around, but PE pulls away late. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 11

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7): MM started off the season with a double header that showed both sides of the coin for them. They lost to a Bobby-less Eyes Downtown, but stormed back to take an easy one from #XTCAB. Which Marketing Mayors will we get this weekend? Sadly, it may not matter if we get the TEIM that could only muster 6 points against Team Topper. TEIM is already showing cracks in the armor, and mistrust in their own QB, which will most likely lead to another team split next season. But hey, we’ll somehow get three new teams from it. MARKETING MAYORS BY 3

Eyes Downtown vs #XTC@Angry Buffalo (+10): #XTC@AB is rewarded by the scheduling gods this week as the second half of their double header is a date with Eyes Downtown. Even without Bobby, ED was able to pick up a 21-7 victory over Marketing Mayors. The word is that the team was much more relaxed and calm with Chadwick in there, and dare I say they were “happy”? The next quarterback controversy for the league is just starting to brew. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 9

D2:

Energy Buff vs Bullet Club (+3): We believed in Energy Buff heading into the season, but reports from the field last week suggest that maybe we were wrong. EB looked a little underwhelming in their opening loss to A&A, and are going to look to right the ship against Bullet Club. BC hasn’t played yet this season, but word is they’ll already be undermanned to start the season. If QB Jeff Easton shows up, this should be a game. ENERGY BUFF BY 6

A&A vs Money Ball (+8): Money Ball lost to Title Shot last week 29-15. They’re a new team that are still starting to learn how to play together. A&A has been a machine for most of the last ten seasons, only adding a new piece here and there. Matty Ice looks to be slinging the rock before he slings some drinks at the bar, and if he’s on early, look out Money Ball. A&A by 7

Gryffindor vs Title Shot (Even): Gryffindor had to be pleased by what they saw last week, which was a division that seems ripe for the picking. Joey Batts’ squad did whatever they could to avoid the D1 teams, and this is why: a shot at the D2 title in what they perceive is a weak division. Enter Title Shot, who was impressive in their win against Money Ball last week, and the “old guard” of the TSL look to continue the good vibes this week. TITLE SHOT BY 2

A&A vs Title Shot (+3): The second half of this double header for Title Shot gives them A&A, who will be a little more rested going into this game. It should play a factor.  A&A BY 7

D3:

3^rd and Schlong vs Morning Wood (EVEN): I could’ve sworn when I got to this game that I’d be letting everyone know that 3AS stomped their way to victory last week, and Morning Wood was licking their wounds. However, due to Katherine Keller and 40 Year Plan Guy still not admitting their love for one another, karma is coming into play. 3AS got beat up by AWDIQ 39-20 in a game that had TSLers from all over wondering which was the team that came from D5. MW, to their credit stood their ground and laid claim to the D3 throne with a 29-23 win against the Ultimate Warriors. Right now, 3AS is looking a little out classed, and MW seems to have a handle on things. MORNING WOOD BY 6

All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone (EVEN): Here’s what we know: SITE walked onto the field against the Peachy Platoon and demolished them, 42-7. Newman was absolutely electric, and if this is how his season is going to go, SITE is a top contender for the title. AWDIQ walked all over 3AS early, and then came away with a tie against Frodo Swaggins 26-26. Quinn looks like they belong in D3, and while SITE is looking to stomp the teams that moved up, this is going to be a close one. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 1

SITE vs Ultimate Warriors (+7): The Warriors come into town on the heels of a 29-23 loss to Morning Wood. SITE will be coming in from a battle with AWDIQ. People always forget that the Warriors are an intelligent group of football players who know what they’re doing (mostly) and as a result are always underrated. If SITE hadn’t just played a game before this one, they’d be ripe for an upset. However, they should be raring to go. As a result: SLYTHERIN THAT END ZONE BY 10

Sticky Bandits vs Peachy Platoon (+14): We had very high hopes for Peachy this season, but a 42-7 whooping from SITE has us second guessing their jump up to D3. Sticky Bandits are one of the best teams with the greatest collective minds in the league. Hot off a season opening 44-21 victory against Frodo Swaggins, Sticky has the D3 championship in their sights, and Peachy doesn’t look like they’ll be up to the task. STICKY BANDITS BY 13

D4:

End Game vs Cobblestone (+6): End Game (the old HK whatevers) came out with a 20-13 victory against GLBS, in a pretty close game. They played later in the day, so chances are the fields were a mess by then, as the reports I received this week about the games said they weren’t “that great all day”. Cobblestone had a bye week last time around, so the TSL waits with bated breath to see what athletic superstars our favorite QB Darryl Carr With The Magical Hair signed this offseason. Either way, the TSL will be having Coronas with Darryl and all will be well! END GAME BY 10

No Punt Intended vs Buffalo Solar Solutions (+7): BSS played Indecent Exposure last week and lost 28-22. NPI played the same team and walked away with a 33-32 win. Granted, BSS softened them up beforehand, but NPI also beat Puckett later in the day 29-14. NPI is starting off like the team that dominated the division not too long ago. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 7

Puckett All-Stars vs Full Throttle (+3): Both teams are looking for a bounce back this week. Puckett All-Stars lost 29-14 to No Punt Intended while Full Throttle lost 33-16 to Uncle Rico’s. Its safe to say that NPI and Rico’s are two of the top contenders in the division, so the real question is which team just had a bad game last week? If history has shown us anything, it’s that Puckett is the better team and should right the ship in Week 2. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 9

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Hung Buffalo (+6): Uncle Rico’s comes into Week 2 feeling pretty good about themselves after the 33-16 victory against Full Throttle. There aren’t any lingering questions about the team as they essentially beat a team they should’ve beaten if they want to win the title. Hung Buffalo is a perennial contender who had a bye last week, so this is their first game of the year. They might just be catching Uncle Rico’s at the wrong time as they shake some rust off. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 4

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs GLBS (+6): Uncle Rico’s might be a little tired when they have to face GLBS this time around. GLBS is a very solid team that could’ve won last week, but ended up on the wrong side of things. Just as Uncle Rico’s is catching Hung Buffalo at the right time, they’re not catching GLBS at the right time. Slight upset of the day here: GLBS BY 3

Indecent Exposure vs Hung Buffalo (+10): Indecent Exposure is 1-1 right now, with a close one point lost to No Punt Intended. They’ll be competing for the division title this season, assuming every one stays in one piece. Hung Buffalo will come to play, but I don’t think it’ll be enough. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 6

D5:

Cunning Stunts vs Hope and Ruin (+3): Hope and Ruin decimated the Five Star Generals 36-0, but they’re coming to play a Stunts team that already got upset last week by the Ugandan Warriors, and then took it out on Come From Behind 42-28. The girls know better than to take Hope and Ruin lightly, so they’ll be ready for them. CUNNING STUNTS BY 6

Over Compensators vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) The Pteratacos (The old UFO) were off last week, however the Over Compensators (The Old Witter’s) played Matty’s Angels to tight 29-27 loss. We don’t know exactly how the PP’s will look this season, but the OC was very impressive. OVER COMPENSATORS BY 12

Come From Behind vs HomeTech (+10): The 3^rd And Schlong leftovers were off last week, so they kick off the season against Paul LoVullo and CFB. CFB had mixed results last week, losing 42-28 to the Stunts, yet knocking off Vandalay and Topper 17-15. They were competitive for the most part, so look for them to welcome HomeTech back the hard way. COME FROM BEHIND BY 9

Vandalay Industries vs Pink Pteratacos (+7): Team Topper Jr lost last week to Come From Behind, though they looked competitive. We still don’t know what PP will look like, so all the more reason to think Topper can keep up his magic. VANDALAY INDUSTRIES BY 3

Matty’s Angels vs Five Star Generals (+20): The highest line of the week. Matty’s won a close one against Over Compensators 29-27, where Five Star Generals lost 36-0 to Hope and Ruin. It just gets worse from there with the Angels coming to town. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 21

D6:

The Bambs vs TMA (NO LINE): The Bambs looked good in their return to football, besting the pAssless Chaps 32-29. TMA, however, was not nearly as fortunate. Multiple field reporters said the TMA players “already had that look on their faces of ‘Why are we 2-6?’ that they get when they can’t explain things, and its only Week 1.”. There’s no line on this game because TMA didn’t have Brian Ferger at QB instead of the local cadaver they found in Week 1, so clearly they’re better than they showed in a 33-7 loss to the Jabronies. Either way, someone is going to have to wear white here. THE BAMBS BY 4

pAssless Chaps vs Jabronies (EVEN): The Jabronies walked away with the 33-7 victory against TMA but we didn’t learn much about them from it. pAssless Chaps look much better than in years past with Coach Jay at QB, and even though they lost to The Bambs 32-29, and Practice Squad 24-22, you can see that they’re on their way to an entire season full of close games. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 1

Practice Squad vs The BiPolar Express (+3): Everyone’s favorite female team makes their season debut this week as Gordon and the girls take on Practice Squad, who just got by the Chaps 24-22. Renee Lantz joins the BPE this season, but sadly they won’t have her in the Yellow (and sometimes Red) as she’ll be on the other side. PS wasn’t happy with their play last week, but BPE has a little bit of rust to shake off. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

5 QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Why is Ricky Austin a FREE AGENT? There’s more than a handful of teams that need an upgrade at QB, and to have Ricky sitting on the sidelines is insane! I think Ricky will get some contract offers by the end of Week 2.

2.      Can Topper continue his D1 winnings ways? A 7-6 win against TEIM is one thing, a win against Public Enemy is something else.

3.      Who’s going to be the next big thing in the TSL? If you have someone on your squad that you think deserves some recognition, email me about them at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.!

4.      Where is the podcast Joe K? I’ve had more than my fair share of emails looking for it.

5.      Where were the garbage cans and the port-a-potties on the fields last week? If it weren’t for the awful weather, that’d be the number one complaint from what sounds like an otherwise awesome Week 1.

10 FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      D6 is shaping up to be the best division in the league, top to bottom. I truly believe any of the teams there can win it, and it’ll be fun to watch.

2.      Shout out to the new refs, especially Karl, who have seem to step in quite nicely. If you’re reading this and want to help Rameer out with reffing a game or two, ask him ASAP.

3.      The weather was a complete downer, since we started two weeks later to avoid that exact scenario. Luckily, things will get better and soon teams will need to find other excuses of why they lost a game.

4.      Rumor has it, and you didn’t hear it from me because I’m not one to talk, that there’s going to be a Spring Party in early June!

5.      As fun as people said the bar was for Week 1, things are going to get better fast as Paul Nieman is only one more week away from his TSL return. Get the Backstreet Boys queued up now.

6.      Big props to Kelly Liddle. She lost her bra bet in Breakfast Club to Emily Curry and she paid up her end of the bargain that day. More fun bets on the way it seems!

7.      Speaking of Breakfast Club, predictions: EmC Hammertime 34 - Schilling ‘Em Softly 22, Hot TaMolly’s 24 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 13, Bern Them All 20 – Natural Born Kellers 18.

8.      I got more than a few emails from teams that weren’t happy with last week’s odds. Some showed up Week 1 and had me rethink my previous stance, but others definitely proved me right. You know who you are.

9.      The game that I’ll have my eye on most is The Bambs vs TMA, as I want to see how TMA stacks up to the competition with Ferger in there. He’s one of the most beloved people in the league, but his team loves him being on the field with them even more.

10.   Finally, the Lenny Alba logo that you see on various field signs, hats, and Breakfast Club jerseys is awesome. Let’s keep that around as much as possible.

Good luck out there in Week 2. Remember, join Topper’s Super Kool Telegram App (https://t.me/toppersports) for all of your TSL needs, and email me This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you anything to say about anything. Have fun!

• Prev
• Next