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"When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important like a league game or something" - Dick Butkus

 

We're back.  Week One of the sixty team TSL mega-season is in the books, and the QB Power Rankings Committee is ready to do what we do best: define for you, our dear readers, who the greatest passers are in the greatest touch football league in WNY.

 

Of course the first week of any season is always the hardest to rank and causes the most arguments amongst the QB Power Rankings Committee.  You've got QBs who haven't even played a game yet; you've got people playing their first ever game at QB, so you don't REALLY know how good they are yet; you've got people who had monster games against teams you THOUGHT were okay, but then turn out to be terrible a few weeks later.  

 

So how do we do it?  

 

Rule #1: Don't overreact to Week One performances.  People rarely go from superstars to trash overnight, or vice versa.  If someone's worthy of a spot towards the top of the Power Rankings, they'll prove it over time.

 

Rule #2: Always ask yourself the question: Who would I rather have QBing my team in the big game?  If someone's lighting it up in D4, that doesn't necessarily mean I'd rather have them QBing my team than someone that's struggling in D1.  And this isn't a ranking of "who had the best week" (even Topper would crack the Top Ten with that criteria, and that can't be right)... think of it more as a ranking of "who would you most want to fill in as your team's QB tomorrow?"

 

So let's get to it.  Here are your Top Ten for Week One of the Spring 2021 season:

 

 

One man's loss is everyone else's gain in the Top Ten this week, as Mark Dalfonso drops out of the rankings for the first time since our inaugural article in Spring 2019.  We will miss you Marketing Mayors.  So where does that leave us?  Seems like there's a new "Big Three" in the TSL this season:

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 32-19

 

There is no change at the top of the Power Rankings as the Public Enemy icon secures the highest ranking for a TSL record 15th week (this is our 24th edition of the Power Rankings as we start our fourth season in publication, so you do the math).  Dominant, but... not untouchable, as the next two contenders on our Rankings will push Cole all season to take his spot.  Public Enemy will be heavy favorites next week with a double header against the Sticky Bandits and Why So Serious, so we expect Cole to hold on to this spot for at least another week.

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious? 43-14

 

The retooled Eyes Downtown lineup looks like an immediate improvement over last season's squad, and Bobby starts his Spring 2021 campaign by outscoring the rest of D1 in his first game.  Not a bad start, and we expect Bobby will only get better as he gets used to some of his new teammates.  Eyes Downtown plays Sloppy Seconds next week so barring an upset loss from Public Enemy, Bobby doesn't have a real path to the #1 spot next week no matter how much they win by.  The only way he jumps Cole at this point is when (if?) Public Enemy lose a game.

 

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 38-6

 

Last season's D1 Finals runner-up shows that Tight End's last season surge last year was no fluke, keeping it going against the newly promoted Sticky Bandits.  Bro didn't let any of the Dave Baker soap opera affect his performance this week and took care of business.  Tight Ends in Motion are "championship or bust" this year with returning weapons Katie Salisbury and Emily Curry, and they've got to feel good about the way Bro has started.  Next week's opponent is Why So Serious, so for the second week in a row, all of the top D1 teams will play against the lower tier of D1, and not each other.  Good for their egos, but bad for their quarterbacks' opportunities to climb the Power Rankings, as big wins are generally expected for all three teams.

 

Cole, Bobby, Bro: These are the top Quarterbacks in the league, and they lead the three teams widely expected to compete for the D1 Championship this year.  But the rest of the TSL is still loaded with talent, and every other QB on this list is hungry for glory and ready to rack up wins of their own this year, starting with:

 

#4 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 35-26 (Mountain Dew Me), beat Buffalo Vice 45-39 (Cunning Stunts)

 

League mainstay Gryffindor folds after years in the TSL, but Joey Batts keeps on rolling as he's picked up by Mountain Dew Me.  Seems like a strange pairing on the surface (D1 QB joins "why were we in D5?" champs) but so far the combo works as Mountain Dew Me starts the season with a win, surprising many who thought the leap to D2 would be too much.  Throw in a crazy last minute Stunts win against Buffalo Vice in D4, and Joey reminds us all why he has never left the Top Ten in our Power Rankings.

 

#5 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat SIytherin That End Zone 36-16 (A&A), beat The Untouchaballs 44-25 (The Angels)

 

One of the highest ranked QBs in TSL history is back after a season off, and showing zero rust.  A&A has some different faces but the same result, as they take down last season's D2 Finals runner-up.  Matty also led the Angels to their first win in D3, showing that they can hang with higher divisions as well (we personally can't wait for Quinn vs Angels).  It's weird that the Angels are no longer named after Matty though... is this his punishment for abandoning them last year?  If he wins a D3 title, will they let him have "Matty's Angels" back?  Also, there were a lot of great storylines from TSL Week One (just check out the poll on the home page) but perhaps none better than the debut of Bones.  That's a good dog.

 

#6 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 35-26

 

The first QB in our Power Rankings this week to lose his Week One debut (even the best teams don't win them all), this post-Dilfs Dubey is still Top Ten material (for now).  What does losing to Mountain Dew Me mean?  Either the MDM/Battaglia team is better than we thought... or XTC will be worse than we thought... or it's meaningless and changes nothing.  That's the fun of Week One, trying to figure out what's meaningful and what's not!  Our guess is XTC will still have a great season, but D2 is so loaded, it's hard to tell.  Dubey faces off against Matty Ice next week which is exactly who you DON'T want to face coming off of a loss... but frankly there are no "good" teams to face in D2 at this point.  It seems like that might be the most competitive division this year from top to bottom.

 

#7 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 32-19

 

Here's a Storyline of the Year candidate: Buchlis, formerly of Tight Ends in Motion and Sticky Bandits fame, has been injured over the past couple of seasons and seen his QB1 spot disappear on the teams he put on the map.  So what does he do?  Throw together a team of new players and athletes already on other rosters, and immediately jump back into D1 to show everyone that his "Sloppy Seconds" can still play.  Of course they lost to Public Enemy in Week One (everyone loses to Public Enemy) but they played surprisingly well for a brand new team going against the D1 champs.  Give them some time to gel, and with one of the game's smartest QBs under center, this could be a dark horse contender to make some noise int he playoffs.

 

#8 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 46-36

 

The quickest way to rise in the TSL QB Power Rankings: move up a division and compete (and win) against better talent.  Scotty of Frodo Swaggins fame ("infamy" in Scotty's case) rises to his highest ever spot in the Power Rankings by leading new team Bullet Club to a win over Passed Our Prime.  Bullet Club is now the highest scoring team in the TSL (46 PPG, tied with Scotty's old D3 rival All We Do is Quinn) and immediately establish themselves as D2 contenders.  Is Garrett bitter about Scotty's defection?  Probably not, as Frodo is sitting at 2-0 today with Beesing himself having taken over that job.  We look forward to Scotty's emails this year reminding the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee EXACTLY how great Scotty really is.

 

#9 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 38-6

 

The Sticky Bandits were the highest scoring team in D2 last session, and are now tied for the lowest scoring team in the TSL after one week this session.  That jump to D1 is a killer, and shows why more D2 teams are afraid to try their luck against the top teams (kudos to the Bandits for not backing down from a challenge).  But Thomas shouldn't be too discouraged - he's still one of the top quarterbacks in the League, and Sticky Nation has always made adjustments in the past and found ways to compete.  Public Enemy is a brutal Week Two matchup to try to turn their luck around, but our guess is it happens eventually (if not next week).

 

#10 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 46-17

 

Tied with Bullet Club as the highest scoring team in the League after one week, AWDIQ came out and blasted Grey Hair - Don't Care in the opener.  Vince looked awesome (he usually does) and Quinn is ready to finally, FINALLY take that D3 title this season after years of painfully falling short (although we wrote the same thing last year).  Vince is the only non-D1 non-D2 quarterback to appear in our Top Ten this week (he usually is) but if you watch Quinn's games, you'll know he deserves his spot.  We expect the Quinners to drop 50 on Vaspian next week.

 

***

 

Vince is the final QB in our Top Ten this week, but his spot is far from safe.  Others pushing for his spot (listed alphabetically, this isn't a "Power Rankings") include:

 

Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious: Yes, they got destroyed by Eyes Downtown, but Bolden turned this team into a real contender when he took over as QB for the second half of the past Fall session, and he's playing against D1 competition (which we always like to reward).  He will make the Top Ten sooner rather than later.

 

Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak:  TSL newcomer Jordan Lawson led Losing Streak to a big Week One win over Peachy Platoon... It's hard to call it an "upset" yet without knowing how good Losing Streak will be, but it FELT like an upset to us knowing how good Peachy is.  Losing Streak is currently second in D2 in points scored, and Jordan can make a strong push for the Top Ten very quickly if he doesn't, you know... go on a losing streak (had to get that pun out of the way once; we promise it won't happen again).

 

Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries:  Topper likes to frustrate us by mixing a few dominant games in with his usual mediocrity, so we have no idea where to rank him.  When Dove Cries has the best point differential in D2 after one week, and their dominant women can't be the ONLY reason.  We look forward to his inevitable push into the Top Ten, just to see him drop five in a row to end the season.

 

Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime:  Passed Our Prime lost their TSL debut to Bullet Club, but they had a fantastic Winter session so we've seen some of what this team can do.  We don't count Winter session for our Power Rankings history of course (the Committee needs some time off; this work is exhausting) but Olsen has showed he was capable of playing against strong competition and coming out on top, so a push for the Top Ten this season wouldn't surprise us.

 

Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon:  One of the TSL's best athletes ended up missing most of the Fall session with work conflicts but is seemingly back this Spring to put Peachy back in contention.  They dropped their Week One matchup against Losing Streak, but Dean is a former Top Five QB in our Power Rankings, and too talented to stay down for long.

 

***

 

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, that's a little stupid after one week of play; four of our teams haven't even played yet, and it's way too early to draw conclusions about the rest of our teams after one or two games.  Expect us to start adding those around Week Four or Week Five of this session.

 

In the meantime, let's rank something pointless!

 

Here are your Top Ten best team names this season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

 

 

Of course we should acknowledge the all-time greatest team name as well: Hootie and the Brofish.  

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you think "Breast Friends" is in bad taste and you want us to refuse to publish it going forward?  not enough D5/D6 this week?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

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