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- Written by Jeff Krol
- Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
- Published: 15 September 2022
- Created: 15 September 2022
- Hits: 1171
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!
We've expanded to a Top Twenty in our QB rankings AND we've covered the Top Twenty female players in the League as well?? So much for you guys to disagree with this week! Remember: female player rankings are SUPPOSED to be a compliment to those players, not an insult that we didn't rank YOUR girls (or that we didn't rank them higher). We're not worried, we're sure you'll have a very mature response to the rankings below... Right....
Enjoy!
#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 32-24 (Legends), beat Spinelli's Plumbing 44-40, beat Buffalo Vice 52-32 (Stunts)
Last week we wrote "Three wins, zero losses, one hundred twenty-two points scored for Joey Batts on Saturday. Legends and Stunts are a combined 7-0 to start the season, and Joey has not been lower than 2nd in our Power Rankings since... well, the day Travis built him a super-team." This week he got... three more wins, zero losses, 128 more points, and a combined 10-0 record to start the season. There are six undefeated teams in the TSL and two of them have Joey Batts at QB.
#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 46-32, beat Untouchaballs 49-25
95 points for Bro on Saturday with two big wins over Sticky Bandits and Untouchaballs. In case the League forgot about how good Bro is, Tight Ends and their undefeated record are ready to remind everyone.
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 36-26, beat Buffalo Vice Retro 54-0
The top three QBs this week all scored a boatload of points, huh? Bobby had 90 on Saturday including a 54-nothing blanking of Buffalo Vice Retro. Is it fun to win 54-0, or does it get boring by the end?
#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week: Lost to Legends 32-24, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 46-32
The Sticky Bandits didn't lose a regular season game by more than 6 last session, but they lost two by more than that on Saturday. Alright, it was against the top two teams in the League so the sky is hardly falling here.
#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game for D2 powerhouse Frodo Swaggins this week.
#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game AND no reffing for Hogan this past week. No wonder all the games went smoothly.
#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week: Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 49-25
Crossover games are tough. They're even tougher when you're missing half your squad! Not much to say about this beatdown. Untouchaballs seem to be coasting through the regular season just waiting to crush teams in the playoffs.
#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 36-26
Scared Hitless is 2-3 but they haven't lost a game by more than one score this season. Not the kind of team you'd like to see in the playoffs when one small mistake could mean the end of your season.
#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week: Beat DILFS 51-35
51 points is a good day any way you want to look at it. We won't read too much into Grey Hair's season on a crossover opponent started by a backup QB, but hey, Eickhoff didn't choose the schedule and a win's a win.
#10 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week: Beat the Replacements 44-22, beat Buffalo Vice Retro 31-12
From "brand new-ish team" to 4th highest scoring team in the League. That was quick. We figured Kyle's offense would be good after last week's battle against Scared Hitless but the defense gave up only 34 points in two games on Saturday too.
#11 Brandt Dubey - DILFS
Last Week: Did Not Play
At what point do we cross off Dubey on this list and write in Travis instead? Attendance matters!
#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716
Last Week: Did Not Play
Dylan didn't play this week and Freeballers put up 61 without him. Is he holding them back??? (Short answer: no)
#13 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 46-23, lost to Itches and Ohs 39-36
We forgot this team existed after they took the last two weeks off. They're back, and Scotty went 1-1 on Saturday to keep his team right near the top of the D3 standings just behind Bullet Club. Didn't he used to throw for those guys back in D2?
#14 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars
Last Week: Beat Vaspian 32-14, beat Zack Attack 32-31
Puckett F'n All-Stars are 4-1 with the second-best record and second-best points per game in D4. Strong start to the season for TJ and company. That 51-44 Week One loss to Cunning Stunts must really annoy them every time they look at the Standings.
#15 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing
Last Week: Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 38-24, lost to Cunning Stunts 44-40
Four points short of keeping pace with D4 giants Cunning Stunts and a 14-point win over previously undefeated Interdimensional Lightning Falcons is a pretty great day for Spinelli's. It's always strange to see a team do so well against their division's top teams, and then play to a tie against one of the division's cellar-dwellers another week.
#16 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week: Lost to Scott Seniors Starting 46-23
Practice Squad might be in a full-on spiral right now. After an impressive Week One win, B has failed to lead the Squad to a W in any of their next four outings. We know this isn't D4 anymore, but they've got to be better than this, right?
#17 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 54-0, lost to No Punt Intended 31-12
12 points across two games on Saturday, 12.8 PPG on the season and an 0-4 record can't possibly be what Buffalo Vice Retro had in mind when they splintered off into a D2 team this session. We're not sure what the problem is, attendance, play calling or execution?
#18 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game for the League's POSSIBLY strongest arm this weekend (Ryan vs Paul Lovullo arm-wrestling match, let's make it happen).
#19 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack
Last Week: Lost to Puckett All-Stars 32-31
Zack Attack finally lost this week but they're still doing great in the standings (and compared to our expectations). This was a team that always played great defense but is suddenly scoring nearly 35 PPG. Big credit to Zack for whatever adjustments he's made this session (even if it's just adding Sam Lattuca).
#20 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind
Last Week: Lost to TMA 35-34
Come From Behind lost the battle of the undefeated D5 teams on Saturday, but we're still somehow ranking their QB over TMA's right now. It's splitting hairs really, but Paul has a SLIGHTLY better points per game (7th in the League to TMA's 12th) so he gets the nod.
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Here we go! The official TSL Best Female Players in the League rankings that we assume you will all 100% agree with and not complain about at ALL at the bar...
Our goal here is to rank the greatest active female players in the TSL, as determined by our own panel of experts along with input from everyone that emailed us this week to weigh in. We didn't take all of your suggestions (we don't even know who some of the girls we were emailed about are) but when you see the same names over and over again it's kind of obvious who the best really are. So here's what we're looking for on our "Greatest Female Players" list:
- Speed, hands, pass rushing, any kind of playmaking ability; we're not prioritizing one specific skill over another, we're trying to rank the best female players that would improve your chance of winning if they were on your team.
- Attitude and personality doesn't factor in UNLESS that player's intangibles are extremely great (motivational, positive teammates lift everyone up) or extremely bad (toxic complainers will bring a team down even if they have elite skills)
- They must be actively playing this session. No, being on a roster and never showing up (or missing half the season so far) doesn't count. If you haven't been playing regularly (hi Robin!) you're not eligible.
So that's our criteria. Please keep in mind that there are about two HUNDRED women in the League and we're showing only the Top 10% of that here, so it is no insult not to be named here, or to be named toward the lower end of this list. You're welcome to complain about how disrespected you feel (you probably will...) but our intention here is the exact opposite, to show respect to the best of the best (in our unscientific opinions). With that being said... here are your top Twenty Female Players in the TSL according to our panel of experts!
#20: Nicole Sharick - Sticky Bandits
Nicole is one of the better female deep threat receivers in the League as she has the speed and the hands to pull in a deep ball whenever a defense thinks they can sleep on her. They really can't.
#19: Sam Lattuca - Zack Attack
Where do you want to start? The great hands, the smothering defense? Or maybe the fact that she's the best (part-time) female quarterback in the League? Zack Attack immediately upgraded by adding Sam.
#18: Katie Swanson - Spinelli's Plumbing
Katie is one of the most reliable female receivers in the League. Just a great, consistent playmaker and routinely called out by other players that write in to us to say, "don't forget about Katie Swanson!" Don't worry, we haven't.
#17: Ashtin Fiegel - Practice Squad, Cunning Stunts
The "fast girl" on Practice Squad, Ashtin has the speed to complement Renee's route running in one of the better one-two punches in the League. And just when D4 thought they were finally rid of her, she joined the Stunts!
#16: Kayla Voss - Grey Hair - Don't Care, 716
Every Kayla Voss game seems to have at least one great play where the sideline collectively says, "who is THAT girl"? That girl is Kayla, and she's a freakishly good athlete. If you don't know her, you will soon.
#15: Emma Patterson - Tight Ends in Motion, Buffalo Vice Retro
Is there a faster receiver in the TSL right now than Emma Patterson? We're not sure. She might not have the big game experience of some of her TEIM female teammates, but no one can doubt her abilities.
#14: Misty Himes - Zack Attack
Misty is such a dangerous receiver who can attack a defense in so many different ways. A short gain turned into a big one? A full-field TD catch? Misty seems to have every move in her skillset.
#13: Rachel Parker - Buffalo Vice Retro, Lenny's Ladies
Rachel is an aggressive defender and an outstanding receiver that always puts herself in position to make big plays. You can't beat her combination of route running, instincts, speed and hands.
#12: Maddie Norton - Legends, Lenny's Ladies
Legends, Cobblestone, Lenny's Ladies, Varsity Has Beens, Maddie has immediately upgraded any team she has ever joined with her combination of speed and hands. Elite level talent.
#11: Renee Lantz - Practice Squad, Cunning Stunts
It's possible that no one, male or female, gives a better effort on Saturdays than Renee Lantz. A fantastic route runner with great hands, any defender needs to give Renee their fullest respect or she'll make them look foolish.
#10: Laura Streeter - Sticky Bandits, Itches and Ohs
Laura is the ironwoman of the TSL who plays just as ferociously in her fourth game of the day as she does in her first. Athletic and aggressive, Laura isn't afraid to dive around the field to make a play.
#9: Christine Krol - Sticky Bandits, Not So Sticky
The better Krol is one of the League's best females in coverage and she has the speed and skills to catch breakaway deep TDs as well... when she's not too busy throwing them.
#8: Taylor Pagano - Legends, Cunning Stunts
When Taylor's not getting drunk at the bar (her primary focus in the TSL) she can be seen dominating on the fields. Whether you need smothering defense or a big play on offense, her game is as strong as her attitude.
#7: Katie Keller - DILFS, Scott Seniors Starting
League legend Katie Keller continues her run of dominance as one of the best female athletes in the TSL. Hands, instincts and a knack for playmaking make her the focus of any team she's on.
#6: Amber Hay - Grey Hair - Don't Care, No Punt Intended
The League's most improved female player continues to get better each session. Amber is a Breakfast Club captain, a D2 team captain, and a receiver that seems impossible to cover at times.
#5: Heather Cepuchowski - Legends
The best girl on the best team in the League, Heather is a great route runner who rarely drops a pass. Someone has to make Joey look good out there...
#4: Jamie Warren - Scared Hitless, No Punt Intended
The perfect combination of speed and athleticism, Jamie makes her presence felt every week on the fields. She's also debatably the best female defender in the League.
#3: Caitlyn Mason - Buffalo Vice Retro, Buffalo Vice
No one in the League is more dangerous with the ball in her hands. Caitlyn can stop on a dime and juke you out of your cleats. She doesn't have to run high difficulty routes, because she turns the easy ones into huge gains.
#2: Katie Salisbury - Tight Ends in Motion, Frodo Swaggins
Katie is officially back after missing most of last season with an injury, and she's still the same nightmare to cover that she used to be. If you've played against her, you know. The only other girl on this list so far to receive ANY votes for #1.
#1: Melanie Linsmair - Scared Hitless, Untouchaballs
Mel is still the gold standard two seasons in a row now. She's the human highlight reel, she's the scariest player on the list, she's the girl you will NEVER defend with another girl. The best in the League.
Common complaints of this Ranking in the past include:
- "They totally snubbed this girl on my team!"
- "I can't believe they think THIS girl is better than THAT girl!"
- "This is all just a popularity contest!"
Yeah, yeah, we get it. You disagree. Just make sure when you're complaining about it at the bar that you focus on why you or another girl should be HIGHER, and not why someone else should be LOWER, because that's always a bad look.
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What? You hated that list, but didn't email us to make suggestions? Don't make that mistake again!! Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and TELL US who you think we should include on our next list. Or don't, and live with our shitty opinions. This is what's next:
- September 22: Best at Bar (Individuals, Not Teams)
- September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
- October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced
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That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? Any "Best Females" list without Brandy or Rachel Grampp is a joke? you know deep down that all twenty girls on this list are better than yours, but you want to complain they were robbed anyway?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
What’s YOUR ranking?
