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Welcome once again to the wonderful calamity that is the TSL! A great man once said, “Once you think you know the answers, I start changing the questions.”, and that’s EXACTLY what this Spring 2019 season has been all about! Teams we thought might be great look to be not so great. Teams that we thought were going to be considered for relegation are championship contenders! Left is Right, Up is Down, and its only Week 4! Needless to say, Week 3 brought us a whole bunch of winners and losers. I’ve gotten multiple reports from the fields this week on who’s been doing what. It’s nice to have a clearer picture of what went on for once, so thank you to those that take a few seconds to send me emails about your team and your players. Like one email said “I’d rather you have what happened in our game come from me than from someone else’s mouth.”

This is why we love football so much. Everything can change from week to week. Teams that looked like they were in trouble have a big week and they’re back in the thick of things (TMA went from 0-2 to 2-2 real quick) and teams that once looked like forces in their divisions now have more questions. (After nice starts, 1 Todd Too Many, Slytherin in That Endzone, Hope and Ruin, and Gryffindor all find themselves sliding down the standings. Just kidding. Gryffindor never had a hot start in the first place.) So, what does it all mean? What can we determine from all of the data we’ve received so far?

Absolutely nothing. Because after Week 4, it’s all going to get shaken up once again. If you’re playing well, you can’t be overconfident because a bad week can cause it to start to slip away. If you’re playing poorly, you could be THIS close to putting all together and going on a run. Not a single team in the TSL has anything guaranteed yet. Except of course, for Matty’s Angels, who are guaranteed to be moving up a division or four this offseason. The point is, its Week 4, don’t get comfortable, and most importantly don’t give up hope. Everything changes in an instant.

On to the games…

D1:

Public Enemy vs Marketing Mayors (+6) – Word around the campfire is that PE is actually more concerned with this game than they were with Eyes Downtown last week. While PE dispatched of ED 28-14 last week, they did so without a decent chunk of their players. Those 1:00 starts really mess with the team’s availability it seems. They put their “Undertaker at Wrestlemania-like” winning streak on the line against the Mayors, who took 1 Todd Too Many to the woodshed with a 54-18 victory. Cory Turner, Andy Smith and the rest of the team look primed for this Game of the Week matchup in D1. It’ll be a hell of a game, but until the streak is broken, I can’t go against the champs. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 1

1 Todd Too Many vs #XTC@Angry Buffalo (EVEN) – After Team Topper’s big win to start the season, things have gotten progressively worse for them. Their 54-18 loss to the Mayors is going to either be the inspirational turning point where they figured things out, or it’ll be the spiral that sends them out of control. On the plus side, they debuted some very nice new Lenny jerseys themselves (I hear they chose gray instead of copying another team in red). But Team Topper is a smart, resilient bunch and I think they’ll find their way sooner than later. #XTC@AB, however, is still having a rough go of things. They lost to Tight Ends in Motion 39-23 this week, and really need a good showing here against the reeling Team Topper. 0-5 isn’t a place they want to be, nor is it a place that they deserve to be. This game looks like it’ll be another close one for D1. 1 TODD TOO MANY BY 1

Tight Ends In Motion vs 1 Todd Too Many (+7) – One of our first repeat matchups of the season! Team Topper beat TEIM 7-6 in the season opener. Of course, that was in the cold and snow we had in Week 1, and now TEIM is thawed out. Worst of all? They’re looking for a bit of revenge. One of the hardest things to do in football is beat the same team twice, and I don’t think we’ll see it here. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 8

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) – Eyes Downtown may have lost 28-14 to Public Enemy last week, but they gained a lot of respect in the eyes of TSL fans. ED showed up to “The Game” wearing all black instead of their usual red jerseys to allow PE to wear the “Lenny Red” jerseys for the game without a problem. That’s a very nice gesture, and one that many remarked may not have happened if Bobby McConnell were around. TEIM was without Alex at QB this time around and they finally got to see what they could do with Seth Molinsari at QB instead. The end results was a 39-23 victory where TEIM looked better than they have in a while. Many people on the roster were big fans of Seth. This week, Ricky Austin gets his two game tryout with the team. Alex has to be feeling the pressure at this point. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6

D2:

Bullet Club vs Money Ball (+7) – Bullet Club still had no sign of QB Jeff Easton, but it didn’t seem to matter. Travis was throwing well yet again, and BC walked away with an impressive 32-19 over Title Shot. To be fair, Title Shot was missing Dubey, so that played a factor. BC gets even more reinforcements this week when Paul Nieman finally gets to make his debut. Money Ball didn’t get to play football last week due to Energy Buff calling in sick, so there’s not much new to report. For a team that’s only played two games together so far, an extra week off when you’re trying to gel together isn’t always a good thing.  BULLET CLUB BY 7

Gryffindor vs Money Ball (EVEN) – Gryffindor looks rough. It looks like fatherhood has taken the life out of Joey Batts and his football skills are eroding. This once moderately decent QB is looking like he’s about to have his worst season ever. A 22-0 loss to A&A last week is only starting the talk that eventually a few Gryffindor’s stars may start negotiating with new teams for next season. Money Ball looks to be catching them at the right time here for sure, but will a game the hour before against Bullet Club wear them down too much? At this rate, probably not. MONEY BALL BY 4

Energy Buff vs Gryffindor (EVEN) – A small slate of games for D2 this week. Energy Buff called off last week due to concerns about being able to field a team. This season isn’t going the way they want it to at all yet, but as the theme of this article has been, one good week can change the season right now. The loser of this matchup could very well find themselves at the bottom of the standings when its all over. It should also be noted that a part of Energy Buff is from Joey Batts’ old Cintas squad, and I’m SURE they’d love to silence him. But it won’t be this time. GRYFFINDOR BY 6

D3:

All We Do Is Quinn vs Ultimate Warriors (+15) – The 3-0-1 AWDIQ taking on the 0-4 Warriors. This game has blowout written all over it. The Warriors have been battling hard but this week they lost to Peachy Platoon 55-37. While scoring doesn’t seem to be a HUGE problem for them, defense in general seems to be the issue as they’ve allowed 159 points in 4 games. AWDIQ is NOT the answer when you have defense questions. The season’s biggest surprise, and D3’s only team yet to lose come into town after a 27-26 victory over Sticky Bandits, and they’re looking good. They won, mind you, with their third string QB this week since Vince and Joe Schwab were away on various other missions. Not sure they can be stopped yet. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13

3rd and Schlong vs Ultimate Warriors (+10) – Things don’t get much better today for the Warriors as they’re blessed to play 3AS after dealing with Quinn earlier in the day. 3AS has been playing VERY well after Week 1’s hiccup, and they look like the title contender we thought they were in the first place. A big matchup with SITE last week showed us who the pretender was, and it wasn’t 3AS as they won 40-28. While the Warriors will fight hard for the upset, 3AS isn’t forgetting that playoff loss to them last Spring. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 10

Slytherin That End Zone vs Morning Wood (+3) – The two teams in the middle of the D3 pack that could really use a big win over the other meet in this game, that should be a doozy. Morning Wood is fresh off a 44-40 victory over the upstart Frodo Swaggins, and they’re looking to continue to climb the standings. Mo Saleh gets a lot of negative press, but perhaps he fixed the problems MW was showing already. SITE has cooled off after their hot start, and their 40-28 loss to 3rd And Schlong helps show that. Newman claimed at the beginning of the season that he was back, well, this is the time to prove it. SLYTHERIN THAT END ZONE BY 6

3rd And Schlong vs Frodo Swaggins (+6) – Frodo lost to Morning Wood 44-40 last week. However, they were without Team Captain Garrett Beesing who, while on the downside of his career, is still a difference maker. Frodo is still finding their way in the TSL, but they show a lot of promise. They’re 0-2-1, but could easily be 2-1 if a few bounces go their way. On top of it, rumor has it that Frodo made a pretty big acquisition at the roster deadline last week, and that could be a game changer.  3rd and Schlong represents one of the divisions measuring sticks, so it’ll be fun to see how these two teams stack up. Will 3rd And Schlong sleep on them? Probably not. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 3

D4:

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Cobblestone (+8) – Darryl Carr QB Superstar graced us with his presence this week and it was GLORIOUS! Cobblestone played hard, Darryl was slinging it, he found random new girls (this seasons’ entrant into the “Where did Darryl find her?” potential star sweepstakes: Sierra.), and yet Cobblestone found themselves on the receiving end of a 53-20 loss to Indecent Exposure, followed by a 42-30 loss to No Punt Intended. Uncle Rico’s, however, made their claim to the D4 throne official when they upended End Game 31-27 in a big win for Jon Senn’s crew. Uncle Rico’s better make sure that they’re not more concerned with the big game against Buffalo Solar Solutions an hour later. I don’t think they will. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 10

Hung Buffalo vs Full Throttle (+7) – Full Throttle came to play against Buffalo Solar Solutions last week, but wound up on the losing end of a 38-28 score. Their 1-2 record may be misleading as they’re playing teams pretty tough so far this season. Hung Buffalo got back to business this week, smacking around No Punt Intended 51-27. Hung Buffalo has been able to put up points so far this session, and that’s where Full Throttle has suffered. Look for a bit of a defensive battle before the veteran smarts of HB get them to another victory. HUNG BUFFALO BY 7

Indecent Exposure vs GLBS (+3) – Indecent Exposure sits at 2-2 after a 53-20 spanking of Cobblestone. While IE can score (Their 35.5 points per game can confirm this), they also struggle to stop most teams. GLBS is the complete opposite here. They’ve only allowed 58 points in three games this season, BUT they’ve only scored 50, despite the best efforts of WR Jay Elphick, so I’ve been told. GLBS is still a newer team trying to figure it out on offense, but once they do, D4 might want to watch out. I’ll take the team that can score over the team that can’t though. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 6

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+3) – The D4 Game of the Week right here. BSS has been great this season, and that continued with this week’s 38-28 win over a spry Full Throttle squad. We already talked about how Uncle Rico’s is getting dialed in this season, and they’ll be looking to make this a game. First place is on the line here, but when you break it down you’ll see that BSS has played one less game, and scored more points. They’ve also allowed less. Look for a close one here as well. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 8

Hung Buffalo vs Cobblestone (+7) – There’s not much more to say about these teams that I haven’t already said. Cobblestone is in desperate need of a win this week, so I expect them to go all out for this one. The problem is that Hung Buffalo has more talent, and they’ve been doing this for a long, long time. HUNG BUFFALO BY 10

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs GLBS (+7) – This is going to be a game of “who’s less tired from the game before” as well. While I’m a huge fan of GLBS, they still haven’t clicked on offense. Same rules apply as before, give me the team that can score over the one who can’t. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 12

End Game vs Full Throttle (+7) – What a week for End Game. First, they lose their first game of the season to Uncle Rico’s 31-27. Then they go against Puckett All-Stars, who haven’t been great at all this season, and almost blow that game too before winning 41-37. The real questions come from what’s going on inside the locker room, as Emily Schilling as left the team to go play with Frodo Swaggins. While End Game should be okay with Steph Czaja and that blonde girl everyone talks about but nobody knows who the hell she is, it’s very disheartening for a team to lose arguably their best girl (regardless of her suspect hands) at the roster deadline for the season. Upset of the Week, as Full Throttle catches End Game at the right time. FULL THROTTLE BY 1

D5:

Ugandan Warriors vs Over Compensators (+6) – The Over Compensators continued their streak of ALMOST beating teams, this week losing to Come From Behind 34-27. The team shows improvement every week, but they just haven’t been able to get over the hump. This week, they play a Ugandan Warriors team led by QB Blasé LaDuca. These Warriors were able to ride Blasé’s big Make Up Bet win to their first victory, a 28-26 win over HomeTech. This game should be back and forth, but I like the OC to get their first win of the season. OVER COMPENSATORS BY 6

Cunning Stunts vs Five Star Generals (+3) – Five Star is out to prove they belong in D5, and while they lost to the Pteratacos 38-34, they easily could’ve taken this game. The Stunts are reeling as they’ve lost their first game this year to the Topper-led Vandalay Industries 40-34. With Joey Batts showing signs of aging and losing his talents, one has to worry if the Stunts are considering a change at QB. They’ll stick with Joey for now, but word is he’s on the hot seat. CUNNING STUNTS BY 3

Cunning Stunts vs HomeTech (+10) – HomeTech and QB Austin Weber played their hearts out against the Ugandan Warriors but came up short 28-26. They sit at 0-3 for the season, but they’re showing they can play with some of the lower half of D5. The Stunts might be in disarray after last week, but they’re still going to be fine for this game. CUNNING STUNTS BY 10

Come From Behind vs Five Star Generals (+6) – This is just a matchup of veteran prowess vs a younger team. Five Star may have more athletes, but CFB is the smarter team. Paul, Molly, and Leslie lead CFB to a 34-27 win over the Over Compensators by making the right decisions against a newer team. Look for more of the same here. Bend but don’t break. COME FROM BEHIND BY 6

Vandalay Industries vs Hope N Ruin (EVEN) – When we last saw Hope N Ruin, the grounds crew was scraping them off of the field after this week’s 71-26 massacre at the hands of Matty’s Angels. Vandalay, meanwhile, pulled off the minor upset of the Stunts 40-34. Both teams have very similar offenses, so this one is going to come down to defense. I’m not entirely sure what the hell happened to HNR last week, but I’m willing to bet they’ll be much better this week. HOPE AND RUIN BY 4

D6:

The Bambs vs pAssless Chaps (+13) – The Bambs finally tasted defeat this season at the hands of Practice Squad, 32-29 in what is looking like the potential D6 final this season. As for pAssless Chaps, well, things weren’t good again. They were on the tracks when the TMA train came through this week, losing 37-9. Coach Jay is doing everything he can to coach the Chaps into being better overall, but so far it seems like his teachings are falling on deaf ears. One bright spot is that Jay and WR Ricky are looking to be on the same page, so that’s progress. But its not “beat The Bambs” progess. THE BAMBS BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Will People remember that you can get sunburned in 45 degree weather? I was told that there were a LOT of red faces, necks, and arms because nobody used sunscreen this week.

2.      What happens when Ricky Austin leads TEIM to two victories this season? Will we see a three headed QB committee?

3.      IS THE WHEEL RETURNING? Topper brought out and updated the Wheel of Hope last week, as a teaser for this week. Who’s going to win?

4.      Can Marketing Mayors stop Public Enemy’s streak? PE seems to think if anyone can, its MM.

5.      What team did I just jinx? It feels like every time I back a team or am down on a team, they’re just proving me wrong the next week.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Will Coach Jay ever win a game? He’s one of the nicest people on this planet, but all three of his teams are a combined 0-11. I’m rooting for him.

2.      Seriously people, show me you’re grown adults. There should NOT be a landfill’s worth of plastic bottles laying around the fields at the end of the day. USE THE TRASH CANS YOU MONSTERS. Make this place better than how you found it.

3.      Shout out to Bennett Kus! Gordon’s son was at the fields rocking all day, giving out high fives, and slugging some drinks with people. He didn’t even get that pissed when Travis Clev spilled a beer on him. Cool kid.

4.      GIVE ME MORE BREAKFAST CLUB BETS! This has been a treat to hear about the last few weeks. Excited to see what’s in store. Bern Them All 52-Peanut Butter Kelly Time 34, Hot TaMolly’s 24-EmC HammerTime 22, Schilling Em Softly 30 – Natural Born Kellers 20.

5.      Once again, big shout outs to The Rant and The Sentinel. You guys are the first “non-Godfather” articles to make it to Week 4 in forever. Keep doing what you’re doing.

6.      DON’T FORGET: SPRING PARTY JUNE 1^ST. PREPARE YOURSELVES.

7.      My Game of the Week this week is easily Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers. I can’t wait to get reports on this one. Looks like it’ll be a good one.

8.      Thank you to everyone that’s been emailing me about their teams, for real. If you’d like to get your team some more publicity, please email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

9.      I know Rameer yelled at people already, but PLEASE stop bringing your own alcohol to the fields. I don’t know why we have to keep saying this. Word is we’re working on getting our league some deals. No clue if it actually happens yet.

10.   No Matty Ice this week, as he’s jet setting in Italy, but lets point out his heroics in Breakfast Club this week. Down 24-12 with 6 minutes to go, and the other team has the ball, Matty picked off Gordon on first down. He ended up getting a girl TD to make the score 24-20 with 3 minutes to go. What happens on the first down again? Mo Saleh lets the ball bounce off of his hands and it falls right into Matty’s arms. Matty would lead Schilling Em Softly to the game winning TD with no time left. That’s a good effort.

Be safe out there kids. Have fun.

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