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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday June 29^th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019 the race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality will finally come to an exciting end for the Spring 2019 session. We made it. We got this far together and now the finish line to this race is within sight. Our 25 remaining teams have survived the season, and the dangers of the First Round of the Playoffs (with the exception of The Bambs and the Bi-Polar Express, who moved their game from last week to this week. Smart.) to make it to this point. These teams have made it through the trials and tribulations that one can, and usually does, experience in the average season of the TSL. Who will stand tall and forever etch their name into the history books as Spring 2019 champions?

 

Before we get into that, let’s take a look at the fallen and say our final goodbyes:

 

D1/C1:

 

1 Todd Too Many – A 31-16 loss to the Marketing Mayors did in Team Topper. They made the jump to D1 when nobody else would, and they should be respected for it. Word is they’re staying in D1, and that’s awesome to hear that not everyone is afraid (Hi Jeremy Burr!).

 

#XTC@Angry Buffalo – They lost 36-28 to Tight Ends In Motion. Once Sooch started to click with his team this season, they were completely different, and should be proud of the steps forward that were taken.

 

D2/C2:

 

Money Ball – A 46-18 defeat at the hands of Bullet Club left them with more questions than answers at the end of a frustrating season. New teams usually tend to work through some growing pains. Hopefully they stick around to give it another go.

 

Title Shot – A 42-22 loss to Energy Buff put a big bow on a 7 game losing streak. Once 3-0 and thought to be contenders for the title, roster issues plagued them all season. When everyone actually showed up, they were deadly. Need to get that commitment from everyone though.

 

D3/R1:

 

Ultimate Warriors – Lost to All We Do Is Quinn 37-21. A frustrating season for sure. The hope of course is that Sam and T will retool in the offseason and come back better than ever in the fall. Could they even come back with somehow cooler jerseys?

 

Frodo Swaggins – A 45-30 defeat at the hands of Sticky Bandits. As I said last week, Captain Beesing declared that he didn’t want to face Sticky and this is why. Even with the Bandits missing a few key players, they reminded everyone just why they’ve been so good for the last decade. Frodo has tons of upside, and Scotty D is the next big thing in the TSL. Looking forward to seeing them in the Fall.

 

Morning Wood – Double overtime! A 34-32 loss to Slytherin ended the hopes of MW, who truly came to play last week. They have nothing to hang their heads at, except for Mo, who was too busy galivanting instead of being there for his team. We’ll let Dave slide because the girls of the league told me I had to.

 

3^rd and Schlong – lost 46-16 to the Peachy Platoon. Perhaps we’ve reached their ceiling. Perhaps they needed Kevin Keller all along. Perhaps that cadaver of a quarterback they’ve been using is finally ready to fall apart. Katherine Keller has lost her smile and just doesn’t seem to care anymore. Bootz is fielding offers from other teams. And 40 Year Plan Guy is still talking smack to any other team within earshot about how 3AS could beat the 1993 Dallas Cowboys. They need to get it together. We hope they will.

 

D4/R2:

 

End Game – Rest in Peace. Lost to Puckett All-Stars 35-16. We’ve seen it before, the best team in the division has their worst game at the worst time. Props to John Von however. Topper showed me the email John sent to the league, and it was very gracious, thanking everyone for their hard work. It took all season, but I finally learned someone’s name on this team. See you next season.

 

No Punt Intended – Lost to Uncle Rico’s 42-33 in a hard fought game. They came close to upsetting Uncle Rico’s again, but this time UR did the late score to win the game thing. They had a lot of ups and downs this season, but I think they’re inching closer to the ups.

 

Hung Buffalo – A 30-25 loss to Buffalo Solar Solutions finished off everyone’s favorite team that wears brown. They’ve been a mainstay in this league for some time, so we better see them in the Fall.

 

GLBS – a 27-21 loss to Indecent Exposure is nothing to hang your heads at. You’ve got a great defense, and you lost your QB midseason. Yet you still ended up 2^nd in your division. You’re only going to get better. D4 needs to be on notice.

 

D5/R3:

 

Five Star Generals – Running into the freight train that is the Angels (lost 45-22) is never fun in the playoffs. You ended the season starting to get it all together, keep that going. Good luck!

 

Hope N Ruin – They almost pulled off upsetting the Stunts before succumbing to them 51-42. I told you to look out for these guys, they’re just a different team in the playoffs. It wasn’t their year, but next season very easily could be.

 

Come From Behind – a 39-22 loss to the Pteratacos ended a pretty good season. One of the leagues’ favorite teams, it’s a shame we won’t see them play Saturday, but hopefully they can still show up and drink with everyone. (I’m looking at YOU Molly and Leslie).

 

Over Compensators – Lost on the last play of the game to the Ugandan Warriors 24-19. They truly pushing Ugandan to their limit and played a great game. They had a hell of a run to end the season, and there’s a lot to build on here. Keep your heads high.

 

D6/R4:

 

TMA – a 47-14 beating from the pAssless Chaps ended what turned out to be just a rough season from our heroes. Sometimes things just don’t go right all year, and that’s kind of what we saw from this squad. Its just an anomaly though, and they’re going to be back better than ever, I can feel it.

 

 

And there you have it. The long list of TSL failures across all of our divisions. Its tough to read about the loss of some our friends like we did above. It’s almost like seeing all of the frozen bodies on the way to reaching the summit of Mt. Everest. Not everyone can reach their goal. But on Saturday, 6 teams will. Who will those teams be? Let’s try to figure this out.

 

D1/C1:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

Public Enemy 2-1

Eyes Downtown 3-1

Marketing Mayors 4-1

Tight Ends in Motion 12-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Public Enemy: 1^st on Offense, 4^th on Defense

Eyes Downtown: 4^th on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Marketing Mayors: 2^nd on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

Tight Ends In Motion: 3^rd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

 

It appears we have the four best teams remaining in this division. Public Enemy’s record setting winning streak is on the line against Tight Ends, who have finally figured out “Oh damn Seth really SHOULD be our quarterback”. I’m assuming they’re going to send Seth scented body lotions and fruit baskets to make sure that he shows up this week. I can’t imagine a world where TEIM beats PE with Alex or even Ricky at QB. Marketing Mayors get another crack at Eyes Downtown in what should be another amazing game. These two teams just met and ED won 33-32, so expect more of the same. If you’re not playing at 10:00, go watch this game.

 

PREDICTION: Public Enemy meets Marketing Mayors for the championship. In a hard fought game, Public Enemy uses the power of Lenny (who more than likely has crazy ghost powers he’s just figuring out how to use now) to overcome and keep the streak alive. It’s hard for me to bet against the team that hasn’t lost in a long time and has such a powerful reason to play for right now.

 

 

D2/C2:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

 

Gryffindor 3-1

Bullet Club 6-1

A&A 7-1

Energy Buff 10-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Gryffindor: 2^nd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

A&A: 3^rd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Bullet Club: 1^st on Offense, 6^th on Defense

Energy Buff: 4^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

I still have no idea which teams will win these games. Gryffindor is the hot team right now, for sure, but how will a week off treat them? Luckily for them, I’m hearing that Energy Buff is going to have some attendance issues this week. Allegedly, so is A&A. Gryffindor has beating Bullet Club twice, but lost to A&A and Energy Buff. A&A was 2-1 against EB this season. Bullet Club beat A&A and Energy Buff. This division is VERY close. The one rank that stands out is Bullet Club’s 6^th on Defense, the only ranking that wasn’t “Top 4”. That could end up being the issue for them this week. Not to mention that when we rekindle the Matty Ice and Gordon Kus friendship and unity festival this week on Field 4 (there’s a reason Topper is keeping them away from everyone else) anything can happen. The last time A&A met Bullet Club in the playoffs, they beat them like 50 something to 16.

 

PREDICTION: Gryffindor gets by a depleted Energy Buff and meets Bullet Club in the finals, setting up a rematch of the 49-8 whomping from two weeks ago. Considering how Gryffindor has dominated BC for 3 of the 4 halves they played this season expect Gryffindor to pull it out, and for everyone in the league to have to hear about it.

 

 

D3/R1:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

All We Do Is Quinn 4-1

Slytherin That End Zone 6-1

Peachy Platoon 6-1

Sticky Bandits 9-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

AWDIQ: 3^rd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

SITE: 2^nd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Peachy Platoon: 5^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

Sticky Bandits: 6^th on Offense, 4^th on Defense

 

Defense. Wins. Championships. Or so it’ll seem here, as all 4 of the Top defenses in the division remain here. Quinn has been the clubhouse leader in the division since the first tee, and they show no signs of slowing down. They take on Sticky, who dismantled Frodo Swaggins last week and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Quinn definitely has the athletic advantage on Sticky like Frodo did, but Sticky was able to easily outsmart Swaggins. That won’t be as easy here against Quinn. Slytherin had to slide by Morning Wood in double OT last week. Either some holes in their armor have been discovered, or Morning Wood just knows how to play them. They play a Peachy team that has been waiting to get a bit of revenge after SITE’s week 1 win against them. Lots of great games to be had here.

 

PREDICTION: The speed of Quinn proves too much for the Sticky Bandits and Peachy Platoon gets their revenge on Slytherin That End Zone to set up All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon II. This game will be a barnburner yet again, and when the smoke clears I think we’ll see Quinn standing tall.

 

D4/R2:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 5-1

Buffalo Solar Solutions 7-1

Indecent Exposure 9-1

Puckett All-Stars 9-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Uncle Rico’s: 3^rd on Offense, 4^th on Defense

Buffalo Solar: 2^nd on Offense, 7^th on Defense

Indecent Exposure: 4^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

Puckett All-Stars: 5^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

 

Literally anything can happen in the insanity that is D4/R2! We have our #3, #4, #7, and #8 seeds remaining in the playoffs. You would think that may bode well for Uncle Rico’s, as having GLBS and End Game kicked out of the playoffs should give them an upper hand, but it doesn’t. They get to play Puckett All-Stars who just showed how good they can be at the right time. Buffalo Solar got by Hung Buffalo in a close game, and they’re looking a lot more like the team that led the division in the beginning of the year. Indecent Exposure put together a great game that we knew they were capable of and they can’t be counted out either. I wouldn’t place a bet on this division at all!

 

PREDICTION: Puckett All-Stars get their second upset of the playoffs, knocking out Uncle Rico’s as well. They’ll meet Buffalo Solar Solutions, who will get by Indecent Exposure. In a game very similar to their Week 8 contest where Puckett won 36-30, we’ll see the 8^th seeded Puckett All-Stars walk away with the title. A fitting end to a crazy division.

 

D5/R3:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

 

Matty’s Angels 2-1

Cunning Stunts 4-1

Ugandan Warriors 7-1

Pink Pteratacos 15-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Matty’s Angels: 1^st on Offense, 9^th on Defense  

Cunning Stunts: 2^nd of Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Ugandan Warriors: 3^rd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Pink Pteratacos: 8^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

No disrespect meant to the Pink Pteratacos, who have had a great season so far, but this division has always been a three-team race. Okay, it’s been a one team race, and two teams that have a chance to stop it. I can’t imagine a world where they upset the Angels. The Stunts are tired of playing second fiddle to the Angels, but they haven’t shown they can beat them yet. Ugandan is sick of gender teams and they have their eyes on the title as well, but last week’s almost slip up makes me wonder if they’re ready.

 

PREDICTION: Matty’s cruises by the Pteratacos to meet the Cunning Stunts in the gender team finals we all want to see. Ugandan will put up a good fight along the way, but this season has just been about the girls in this division. Matty’s has shown they have the advantage against the Stunts before, and I think we’ll be seeing the Angels poppin’ bottles once again.

 

D6/R4:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

 

Jabronies 3-1

Practice Squad 4-1

pAssless Chaps 10-1

The Bambs 15-1

The Bi-Polar Express 15-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Jabronies: 1^st on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

Practice Squad: 2^nd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

pAssless Chaps: 4^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

The Bambs: 3^rd on Offense, 4^th on Defense

The Bi-Polar Express: 6^th on Offense, 1^st on Defense

 

Well, this division is all over the place. First things first, The Bambs and The Bi-Polar Express didn’t play last week, so they’ll essentially play a “play in” game this week. That means if either team were to win the championship, they’d have to win 3 straight games to do so. Neither one of them are really up to that challenge, so I wouldn’t worry about it. But, I’ve been wrong before. The pAssless Chaps might just be the hottest team in D6/R4 that’s peaking at the right time. They’ve recently beaten Practice Squad, and just dominated in their playoff win last week. They’re officially “a tough out” for this playoff run. The entire season has been about the Jabronies and Practice Squad, and this seems to be no different. They’ve been the class of the division this season, and both should  be playing in D5 next session.

 

PREDICTION: The Bi-Polar Express moves on in the play in game, but that’s all they’ll get from that. Jabronies and Practice Squad have been on a collision course since the beginning, and neither of them disappoint as both teams make the final. I’m picking Practice Squad to “win one for Kenny” and take home the coveted D6/R4 title.

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      How many people will show up for the season’s last day? Historically, a bunch of eliminated TSLers still come out to the fields to watch the finals and celebrate the end of another great season.

 

2.      Will the weather be okay? Sadly, we’ve experienced the worst kind of weather at time for our championship games the last few years, and its allegedly supposed to rain a little bit on you guys in Buffalo.

 

 

3.      Will we get one last wheel spin? We should end the season on a high note with one final spin. Also, I think Boccio has to “stay sober” on the last day of the season as his punishment. It’s what Lenny would’ve wanted.

 

4.      Who likes wine? The wine tournament is almost full! GET YOUR SPOTS NOW!

 

 

5.      Who wants to join the party planning committee? There needs to be a group of TSLers that set up events and excursions during the offseason. If you’re interested, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY

 

1.      Hot TaMolly’s 34, Schilling Them Softly 30 in the Breakfast Club final. Both teams have played excellently this season, and their only game against each other was this year’s best BC game.

2.      Not to toot my own horn too much, but my predicted champions for the season in Week 1 were: Public Enemy, Gryffindor, Sticky Bandits, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Cunning Stunts, and The Bambs. ALL of them are still alive. I’m betting I’ll go 3-3 with these this weekend.

 

3.      If you’re potentially going to play a team that wears the same color as you, just be smart and bring white jerseys as a fail safe. We don’t have time for this “Oh man can you guys change instead?” nonsense.

 

 

4.      Tensions will be high this week. Everyone knows this ahead of time. RESPECT THE REFEREES, THE FIELDS, AND THE BAR. I know how hard losing can be on someone, but DON’T BE THAT GUY, OR GIRL.

 

5.      Call back part two: my Week 1 article had the following as “lowest odds” heading into the season: Public Enemy 2-1, Energy Buff 3-1, Sticky Bandits 3-1, Puckett All-Stars 4-1, Matty’s Angels 3-1, and Everyone 6-1. That’s right, every single one of my picks then are STILL ALIVE AS WELL. Okay, I picked “everyone” in D6, but whatever. Still counts.

 

 

6.      Best games to watch:

a.      10:00 – Marketing Mayors vs Eyes Downtown

b.      11:00 – Standing between Fields 1+2 for the title games

c.       12:00 – Uncle Rico’s vs Puckett All-Stars

d.      1:00 – Standing between Fields 1+2 for the title games

e.      2:00 – Cunning Stunts vs Ugandan Warriors

f.        3:00 – The D5/R3 Title game.

 

7.      Thanks again to those of you that came out to Uncle Topper’s fundraiser last week. It was super appreciated by him!

 

8.      The champions that will probably happen, even though I didn’t pick them above: Marketing Mayors, A&A, Sticky Bandits, Uncle Rico’s, Ugandan Warriors, and Jabronies.

 

 

9.      Word is the podcast is coming back for the fall with Joe K! I think Topper is going to get him a podcast email (or give him the one Lenny used to use) as a way to help him get some guests!

 

10.   A special apology goes out to Josh Thompson of Peachy Platoon this week. In Week 5, he sent me an awesome email that somehow went to my spam folder and I’ve just recently seen it. I didn’t want him to think I was ignoring him. The information I get from teams about their players is invaluable to me, so I’m sorry Josh. Good luck this week!

 

 

We’re a few days away from one of the hardest sessions we’ve ever had to go through as a TSL family. Let’s make sure we send this one out with a bang. Have fun. Be Safe. Wear Sunscreen. We miss you Lenny.

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