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Ladies, Gentlemen, and Toppers of the TSL Universe!

 

Welcome for another edition of The Godfather! I’ll be your host, The Godfather!

 

Shocking, I know.

 

The TSL finds itself barreling into the postseason, and all we really seem to know is that we don’t know anything yet!

 

Okay, we know a few things. We know Why So Serious isn’t going to win D1. We know that Topper is going to have an early playoff exit. We know that at least two “favorites” in their divisions will fail miserably come playoff time. You know, the usual stuff.

 

But every time I think I know the answers, you change the questions.

 

Is Public Enemy dominant? Nope. Is PC Plumbing hopeless? Nope. Are The Angels the shoe-ins to win D4? Double nope.

 

But that’s the beauty of the most random season the TSL has had in its entire history, we just don’t know what will happen. Even when we think we have an idea, chances are fate will toss us a curveball or two. And that’s in a normal season. In the #TSL2020 silly season? Expect about 47 of them. Let’s get to the games. . .

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 Marketing Mayors 49, Gryffindor 15

Marketing Mayors 37, Public Enemy 26

Gryffindor 30, Tight Ends In Motion 23

 

Well, here comes the Mayors to remind everyone that they’re not to be messed with. They showed up last week, shook up the division, and left. They reminded everyone that Gryffindor isn’t ready for the big time yet, but then they casually reminded Public Enemy that they’re the ones PE needs to look out for, NOT Eyes Downtown. You have to love the last minute swerve just before we get to the playoffs. This past Saturday reminded everyone that the Mayors existed, because I think we all forgot just a little bit how good they can be. Gryffindor would rebound to beat Tight Ends In Motion, but a lot of that would be because of the injury to Alex Buchlis, the TEIM QB. I was hearing that he may have torn his ACL, and if that’s the case, that’s just simply awful. I know that I’ve poked fun at Alex before, but this season he was proving everyone wrong, and it’s a shame that an injury like this happened to an extremely nice guy who doesn’t deserve it. I’m hoping that the reports are false and he’s okay, but it doesn’t seem like it. Good luck Alex.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Eyes Downtown vs Why So Serious? (+16) – 16 may be a lot of points if ED isn’t going to have a good chunk of their team this week. I believe I had heard that Bobby won’t be attendance this weekend, for starters. I’d like to give a shout out to *NAME REDACTED*, Mr/Mrs. Redacted wrote me an awesome email explaining how the ED vs PE rivalry really isn’t that much of a thing anymore, at least to them. He/She didn’t want to make themselves known so that other teams won’t key in on them, so I have to keep them private. They also included a fantastic “band chart” analogy that covered all of the ED’s roster changes and moves over the years. The point is that the ED roster has changed a lot from year to year, so the bad blood just doesn’t really exist with most members of the team. For now. Anyway, Why So Serious is a team. They play in D1. Cool. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 14

 

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) – Not that TEIM really needs an excuse, or is even looking for one, but what an awful season for the injury bug for this squad. First Emily Curry goes down, and now they lose their QB for the season. I’m not sure who is going to be throwing for TEIM, but unless it’s Seth coming down from the heavens (He’s not dead, stop it) I can’t imagine this squad really getting it turned around. Maybe they’ll peel Matty Ice off the scrap heap? He’s sitting around as a free agent, isn’t he? I know rosters closed but how fun would an “emergency injury QB” be, especially if it was someone taking Matty out of cold storage (he’s more than likely locked in a beverage cooler, which explains his absence). Anyway, until then, the Mayors look to continue their dominance that they’ve started last weekend. MARKETING MAYORS BY 18

 

Public Enemy vs Why So Serious? (+14) -  WSS gets “Toppered” as they have a hell of a double header this week. Public Enemy has to be mad and ashamed after losing last week, they tend to not enjoy that very much. All that means is that they’re going to come out extremely focused this week, which means no catching them sleeping. And Chris Cole sleeps A LOT nowadays. That’s what happens after you turn 50. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 17

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+11) – There’s going to be quite a few starters from both sides missing this one, but ED just has the better healthier horses. Watch them run. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 12

 

Marketing Mayors vs Gryffindor (+10) – I mean, we *just* watched MM demolish Gryffindor by 34 points. I can’t imagine a world where that changes much after a week. MARKETING MAYORS BY 27

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

SITE 45, Morning Wood 23

Dilf’s 43, Peachy Platoon 19

Dilf’s 35, SITE 22

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 48, Peachy Platoon 8

Bullet Club 38, Sticky Bandits 35

Jabronies 35, Morning Wood 24

Sticky Bandits 39, Jabronies 28

 

 

The Dilf’s are either really peaking at the right time, or they’re just having great scheduling luck playing teams without their starting QBs. Granted, having Dubey actually show up is a HUGE win for them, but the truth is that it’s a little of both. The Dilf’s are a good team, for sure, and there’s a good chance they go 2-0 regardless, but it would mean a bit more if they did something like, I don’t know, beat Peachy with Dean and SITE with Newman. Morning Wood went 0-2 and their story remains the same: They can score a bit, but they don’t know how to stop anyone. It’s not a surprise that the same weekend Topper’s sponsor, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO finally opens, they remember how football works. Okay, word is that Val Bernal singlehandedly dragged Topper’s carcass to a win, but I don’t think he minds at all. Bullet Club notched their second last play victory of the season, this time against Sticky Bandits in what was a very, very good game. That’s playoff level good. Here’s hoping they do that again, and soon. Sticky would get a bit of revenge on the Jabronies later on, so they could go home moderately sober and moderately happy.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Jabronies vs Bullet Club (+7) -  This should be a game very similar to last week’s Sticky/BC game. The Jabronies have been very good, but they were exposed a bit by a Sticky team that just lost to BC. The point is, both of these teams run variations of the Bakrol offense, (Dave Baker + Jeff Krol, for those who don’t know), and unfortunately for the Jabronies, Bullet Club just got more than enough practice in defending it last week. Will it help? I have no idea. These D2 games are always so close. JABRONIES BY 3 ON THE LAST PLAY OF THE GAME

 

Dilf’s vs HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO (+16) – It turns out that Val can’t play for Topper here, which puts him in a bind. It’ll be interesting to see which HB shows up for this battle. The one that finally looked like they did last season, or the ones that look, well, like a bunch of old people and Drew. Can you ‘win one for the gipper’ if most of your team IS the gipper? That’s something. DILFS BY 22

 

Morning Wood vs Peachy Platoon (EVEN) -  It turns out that not only was Peachy missing Dean last week, they were also missing half their guys, including Josh, who kindly informed me that while Dean gets the athletic credit, he’s the brains behind the operations, calling the plays and whatnot. He was also absent last week, which lead to lot of issues for the team. But, Josh is back for this one, and he gets to call some plays against a Morning Wood team that doesn’t know how to stop them. The only problem is that Peachy sorely lacks a QB. MORNING WOOD BY 7

 

Sticky Bandits vs Slytherin That End Zone (+1) – Last week I asked Gary to show me something, and all was showed was this was a .500 team performing well. Granted, they had QB issues, but I heard that the Newman replacement wasn’t half bad! Anyway, this is another great game waiting to happen in this division. While Sticky was happy to walk away with a win over the Jabronies, the Bullet Club loss is more than likely still sticking with them. A win over SITE will more than fix that. SITE meanwhile needs to continue to have a chip on their shoulder, they play much better when they think everyone doubts them than when they actually are favorites. Here’s another chip: STICKY BANDITS BY 3

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs Peachy Platoon (+4) – So, how can things go from bad to worse for SITE this week? Well, here’s something: DEAN THOMPSON IS SCHEDULED TO PLAY FOR PEACHY IN THIS GAME. Now, does that mean SITE is boned? Goodness no. These two teams have had some epic battles, but SITE doesn’t get the “walk in the park Peachy” that others have benefitted from this season. I can’t imagine a world where the Platoon doesn’t rally around its fearless leader, and as a result: PEACHY PLATOON BY 6

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Vaspian 26, Grey Hair 14

The Angels 41, The Untouchaballs 31 (D3/D4 Crossover Game)

 

VASPIAN WINS! VASPIAN WINS! WOOOOOOO! That’s the only story that matters coming out of last week in D3. Yep. That’s it. I’m not even close to sure what happened to Grey Hair this weekend, but it’s GREAT to see Vaspian finally get the W. The Untouchaballs learned what it’s like to lose the Angels, but they can hold their heads high when you consider that everyone loses to the Angels.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Vaspian (+15) – While the euphoria of a win got Vaspian through the week, the cold truth is that reality is coming for them in the form of AWDIQ. No matter how many inspiring “look at our progress!” texts were in the Vaspian team chat this week, Quinn is hungry after sitting out last week. This might not be pretty. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 24

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+7) – I have to assume that whatever happened to GHDC last weekend was an anomaly. With that in mind, it’s not going to matter. I still feel like Scotty and Garrett have yet to get their team rolling how they’d want it to. They’ve only played 4 games so far, so they have time to figure it out, assuming they get their games in. But even still, they’re the better team. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 4

 

Scared Hitless vs En Fuego (EVEN) -  This should be an excellent game. I feel like these teams, at their best, can be evenly matched. The truth is, of course, that Hitless is playing better AND they have Jonny Football AND they have cool new jerseys. BUT, how do you compete with new jerseys? That’s right. Jorts. En Fuego almost blessed us with their alternate uniforms last weekend before they didn’t end up playing which means that its time to bring them out again. I don’t think they can lose in the jorts. So, EN FUEGO BY 7 WITH JORTS, SCARED HITLESS BY 10 WITHOUT JORTS.

 

D3/D4 Crossover Game:

 

The Untouchaballs vs  Freeballers (+22) – The Untouchaballs get the rare double crossover this season, because of this week it’s based on standings for reasons I don’t think I understand. It’ll be a completely different experience for them as they go from the class of the division to whatever the Freeballers are. The Untouchaballs can score. The Freeballers can not. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 22.

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 42, Overcompensators 20

Uncle Rico’s 53, Cunning Stunts 44

 

Not a ton of action in D4 last week, but we got one hell of a game out of Uncle Rico’s and the Stunts, as we always seem to do. D4 is a 4 headed monster in my opinion, and I think any one of BSS, Angels, URTT, and the Stunts can win it. I do, however, owe the OC a retraction of sorts. It seems I was given the wrong score last week and the OC beat the Stunts! I’M VERY VERY SORRY ERIC THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME. I hope that suffices.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Family Feud And Some Dudes (+13) – Buffalo Solar, you’re rolling and you know it. All it took was the craziest year in the world’s history for you guys to be the true class of the division. That means you’re not going to blow it, right? RIGHT? Honestly though, you can’t blow it because the division is so close. Family Feud deserves some credit here too. As much as I’d love to give it, YOU DON’T WANT TO EMAIL ME AND TELL ME WHO YOU ARE. But sadly, defense is much harder to figure out in these leagues, and FF running into BSS at the wrong moment (Seriously, when I see BSS I just imagine the NBA Jam guy saying “HES ON FIRE!” right now) for that. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 20

 

The Angels vs Cunning Stunts (+2) – YAAAAASSS QUEENS! I mean, the best rivalry in the TSL (seriously) reunites for another fun go. I’m not sure who’s going to be throwing for The Angels this game (GO GET MATTY) but either way it should be the highlight of everyone’s day. Seriously Topper, put this game on Field 1 for everyone to enjoy from the correct side of the snow fence! CUNNING STUNTS BY 5

 

Uncle Rico’s vs Over Compensators (+12) – I’m not trying to be mean Eric, really. You want to be the underdog and surprise the TSL? This is the time. But as of right now, it doesn’t feel like the OC can run with Rico’s. While the OC has some talent, it has nothing on Jackee or Chris Nelson. They probably won’t be able to keep up, but I *do* think Larry is a better QB than Timmy. That undoubtedly means Larry is throwing 5 picks or 5 TDs now. Which will it be? UNCLE RICOS BY 3

 

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

ILF 46, Intentional Pounding 32

Zack Attack 37, PTERATACOS 20

Practice Squad 45, TOX 26

Mountain Dew Me 32, Cobblestone 6

 

Okay Mountain Dew Me, we get it. You should’ve stayed in D4. The McGregor clan is dancing through the streets with the blood of Darryl Carr QB Superstar used as war paint at this point. But, a new challenger approaches! Practice Squad’s troubles were all because of QB issues. But those issues were solved this week in the form of a former GREAT QB that is still a very GOOD QB. That QB is B. That’s right, B’s Brother’s Brother slung the rock for Practice Squad this weekend and word is that he’s signed a very lucrative contract to be the QB for the rest of the season. This changes the game. Zack Attack took a much needed win over the PTERATACOS, who still need to figure out a couple of things. And ILF starts running through the competition, as “Baby Baker” is continuing to make a name for himself.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Practice Squad (+15) – Nope. I don’t believe it. 15 points? You’re NUTS TSLQBPRC, simply nuts. PRACTICE SQUAD HAS B NOW. THIS MATTERS. WHY? BECAUSE WHETHER THEY KNOW IT OR NOT, THEY ALSO SIGNED B’S BROTHER. HE HAS TO BE COMING TO THE FIELDS. MDM will be way too distracted by his Plug Life facemask that they won’t know how to properly respond in front of such royalty. That’s East Coast Royalty. B throws for 4 TDs, easy. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

 

Zack Attack vs Cobblestone (+2) – Third place in the division is up for grabs here as these two pretty even teams meet this season. Honestly, Zack Attack is showing they have a little more offense, and they have the momentum. As much as Cobblestone is a fan favorite, I don’t think this is their week. ZACK ATTACK BY 9

 

ILF vs PTERATACOS (+2) – DOUBLE HEADER ALERT. These two teams will get to play each other twice this week, which is always fun. The PTERATACOS have had a great season, but as of late, the Falcons have really started to figure things out. Look for them to shake up the standings a bit after this week, as they take BOTH games from the PTERATACOS as Baby Baker continues his run at D5 Male MVP. ILF BY 7 and ILF by 10.

 

TOX vs Intentional Pounding (+9) -  The last time this matchup happened, the Keller’s beat up on poor Topper who was still feeling the effects of 45+ years of drinking wine. But not this time. TOX is playing better, and I can’t say the same about IP just yet. Plus, you KNOW Topper wants revenge against Scott Jr, who *might* be playing QB this time around. Look for a Topper pick 6 this time. TOX BY 8

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

PC Plumbing 36, The Bambs 6

Blitzkrieg 38, Tater Tots 24

Graves Bros 40, Lenny’s Ladies 17

TMA 24, The BiPolar Express 16

Graves Bros 49, PC Plumbing 44

Lenny’s Ladies 42, The BiPolar Express 32

 

WTF IS GOING ON WITH PC PLUMBING? It’s weeks like this where I think we need to institute some sort of testing policy for steroids in the TSL, but in reality, PC Plumbing must’ve gotten their hands on some “Mike’s Secret Stuff” from Space Jam. They scored 80 points in two games after scoring only 122 for the season beforehand. The Bambs must’ve gotten lost on the way to the fields. Graves Bros walked away 2-0 with two big wins for themselves, firmly planting a “GB” flag on top of the D6 mountain. The BiPolar Express had some bad luck with their roster, and as a result find themselves uncharacteristically at the bottom of the D6 standings. And they STILL could win the entire thing. Lenny’s Ladies proceeded to go 1-1, winning the anticipated matchup in the all girls game, but the BPX roster issues didn’t make it as fair at it should’ve been. Blitzkrieg went out and dominated the Tots, proving to themselves that they DO belong in conversation for the championship. Finally, TMA did what they should’ve been doing all along: winning. Great to see them getting their mojo back.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Bambs vs Blitzkrieg (+2) – Here’s what I’m talking about. The Bambs should be licking their wounds after the unexpected PC Plumbing beat down last weekend. Blitzkrieg is still out to prove that they’re the best in the division. This game is huge on both sides. Even in a division where everyone makes the playoffs, this is still a game that matters a lot to the teams involved. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

 

Tater Tots vs TMA (+1) – ANOTHER DOUBLE HEADER ALERT! These two teams are going to play each other twice this week. It’ll have a big effect on the D6 standings going forward for sure. There’s a little history with these two teams, and it’ll be interesting to see if anything bubbles to the surface here. That could make the second game a little spicy. I truly think we’re going to see these teams split the games this week. TATER TOTS BY 3, TMA BY 10

 

The Bambs vs Graves Bros (+2) – This is a championship preview as things currently stand. The Bambs already dismantled Graves Bros once this season, a 34-6 win that gave Graves their only loss this season so far. It’s hard to imagine them losing so soundly again, but now The Bambs have last week’s loss stuck in their mouths. Look for them to make the statement. THE BAMBS BY 8

 

Blitzkrieg vs Lenny’s Ladies (+4) – The last time these two teams met, it was an epic showdown, with Lenny’s Ladies getting two late scores and two late interceptions to steal a win from Blitzkrieg. There was also a late penalty that negated the Blitzkrieg winning score last time. For Lenny’s Ladies to win this one, they’re going to need more great play from Laura Streeter and Robin Makula, both of whom are just two of the talented girls Joe K and Jeff Krol have put on their roster. These two teams are going to play it back, but you know Blitzkrieg is still seething a little bit after that last loss. Look for them to get a measure of revenge this time around. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

 

The BiPolar Express vs PC Plumbing (EVEN) – These teams sit at the bottom of the standings, but could very easily be near the top. PC Plumbing remembered this wasn’t a cricket league last weekend, and exploded for a lot of points. BPX didn’t exactly implode, they just ended up on the wrong end of two very close games, which says a lot when you realize they weren’t at full strength, which it seems they never are. I can’t imagine the PC Plumbing we saw last week is the norm after the entire season of uncertainty. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 4

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Who’s going to show up? Teams have been all over the place this season with spotty attendance, and its made the league even wackier than usual.

 

2. WILL B’S BROTHER SHOW UP FOR PRACTICE SQUAD? PLEASE YES. PLEASE.

 

3. Will Topper win again? Honestly, I think we’re looking at a resounding yes. He seems to finally be dialing it in. Look out D2.

 

4. Who are the biggest pretenders right now in the league? Look no further than Slytherin That End Zone, who can 100% prove me wrong or right this weekend. Grey Hair – Don’t Care is a close second.

 

5.  Who looks like they’ll be moving divisions come Spring 2021? Mountain Dew Me better get ready to go back to AT LEAST D4. AWDIQ, if they stick together, is D2 bound at this point. I think it’s time we move The Angels and Stunts to D3. Vaspian feels like a D4 squad. The Freeballers may move to D6 at this rate. D5 is a lock, but they might need more work than that. Dilf’s, just go to D1 and stop ducking it. Morning Wood is a D3 team perhaps too. The Untouchaballs are D4 bound as they figure it out. I think that’s enough.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Props to the entire league once again for doing what it takes to keep us safe and sound during this weird time. You’re all stars for doing whatever is asked of you. Keep wearing a mask, keep sanitizing your bodies, and keep following the protocols! Stay Safe! (This is about the best I could do here Mr. Salvati.)

 

2. The weather has finally taken its turn for the worse, and it looks like we’re looking at a 56 degree day with a 20% chance of rain. The Fall playoffs always end up with the weather affecting the outcomes a little bit.

 

3. I can tell you right now that there’s a little to no chance for a Halloween Costume Bowl this Fall.

 

4. It’s awesome to see B getting another chance to sling the rock. He’s very underappreciated when it comes to choosing a fill in QB. He’s good. He’s won in this league before. Pay attention people.

 

5. Teams on the rise: PC Plumbing somehow, Dilfs, Marketing Mayors, ILF

 

6. Teams on the downswing: Slytherin, Tight Ends In Motion, The BiPolar Express

 

7. If you have anyone you think is deserving for any end of season awards, you can talk to Topper, Emily Curry should have her notebook like last season (hint hint), or email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . It’s the cool thing to do!

 

8. A couple of games really jump out to me this week: Jabronies vs Bullet Club, Angels vs Stunts, and Blitzkrieg vs The Bambs. There’s a LOT of good games this week, except in D1, where every game looks like a boring blow out.

 

9. After watching the Presidential Debate this week, and not to get too political or anything, I want to say that I was right a few weeks ago: Dave Walter for President. B’s Brother, clearly his VP.

 

10. I want to thank all of you for the emails I’ve been getting, yet again. You’re all the lifeblood of this league and your kind (and sometimes not so kind) words are the best thing in my inbox each week. Thanks again, and if you’d like to reach out to me, please do!

 

 

The season is in HIGH gear, and we’re getting closer than ever to the playoffs, the next two weeks will really show us who’s properly prepared for the race for social co-ed football immortality.

 

Is it you?

 

-GF

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