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- Written by Patrick McGovern
- Category: The Godfather's Picks
- Published: 28 May 2021
- Created: 28 May 2021
- Hits: 3120
Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL, NO, the JKSL Universe, we are about to enter one of the craziest, weirdest weeks the TSL, JKSL has to offer. For those newer to the league, our Spring sessions always run have run through May. What this means is that we always play during Memorial Day weekend, which always proceeds to give us some weird upsets and games that will shake up the standings that normally wouldn’t happen during a “normal” weekend.
With so many TSLers JKSLers absent from the fields, teams won’t look like their normal selves, which is always the recipe for interesting results. While some teams are smart and just take this week off ahead of time because they know they’ll have spotty attendance, others just plow ahead with a patchwork roster that can sometimes be 40% players that were picked up off the street (or off of the Universal Sub List). I use to joke with Rameer that this weekend was the start of the Fall Session’s tampering period, with so many teams casually asking players they’re trying to woo away from another to “fill in” and “see how they like playing with us”. Trust me, this happens a lot more than you realize. These hoes ain’t loyal, or something.
And for those not in on the joke, one of those people that won’t be there this week is Topper. As you may have seen on the league’s Facebook page, there’s a fun “Joe K Sports” logo up there. What that means is that Joe K (and Jeff Krol, DOUBLE JKS!) are going to be in charge at the fields. All that means is that you can bring all of your gripes and complaints directly to him and you better let Topper enjoy his week off from you animals.
Topper also told me to tell you all to give him the “full Topper treatment”, meaning you can buy Joe K a Corona and take a picture with him this week, so he can truly understand how difficult it can be to be the “Face that runs the place” every week. Enjoy your week off Topper. I’m 73% sure things will be fine.
Memorial Day weekend also stirs up memories of those that we’ve lost in the TSL. If you haven’t seen the announcement yet, next Saturday, June 5th, is a *big* day for us. June 4th, for those that don’t know, will be the one year anniversary of when we lost Rameer to cancer. It’s also Lenny’s birthday, and since we never got to fully mourn this most recent loss together as a family, well, now we’re going to. Topper has a band lined up to play from 12-3, and there will be all sort of fun shenanigans. So please clear your calendars for that day if at all possible so we can celebrate their lives together. If it helps, there’s a hot rumor that I may or may not be there for that weekend.
Finally, late last night I got an email from one Garrett Beesing. Garrett has been a part of this league for about 435 years, and he was most recently on the podcast a few weeks ago pointing out his love of the TSL. He’s usually available to help with refereeing, he’s watched the COVID gate to help out, and he’s always down to help with other shenanigans the league has put forward (such as being on the bachelorette). Well he came to me with the hope that I could put the word out for him for something and I think it’s a good cause, so I’ll help him out here. Excuse me if I get some details wrong, but Garrett’s sister was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2006, and she’s raising funds for a cure, as she’s been doing. Garrett is looking to his TSL family to donate to her MS Walk page if at all possible. It’s very clear this is important to him, since he went out of his way to contact me about it. In fact, this is what he sent to me to show all of you:
“Hello TSL! Garrett Beesing here, lend me your eyes for a moment. The person I am most proud of in my life is my big sister Emily. She is successful, driven, compassionate, and the best Mom I have ever seen. Part of what makes me so proud of her, is the time she dedicates to raising money and awareness for Multiple Sclerosis. As the link provided details, she has been battling MS since 2006 and has been involved with raising money and awareness ever since. I want to help her out, and I thought the TSL would be a great and fun way to do that. To help her raise awareness I will be playing barefoot again for my breakfast club game on 6/12. I had an accidental great time when I was forced to play barefoot once years ago, I am excited to try it again. I don’t have a specific goal in mind, but if you donate please put “Topper sports” or “no shoes” in the name section, so my sister can track it. I will be donating $100 to get things started but if TSL donations reach $1,000 by 6/12, I will play barefoot and in my underwear. The barefoot part is fun, my pale chicken legs swinging in the breeze sounds awful. Let’s make it a win-win by getting the donations up to 1K to raise money for a great cause, while subjecting me to some early morning embarrassment! Love you guys, thanks in advance for your support!”
I’m also really hoping to get him to agree to shaving his head if we raise enough, or, most importantly, getting him to get a TSL tattoo if we reach a certain goal. My request has gone unanswered, but again, this came through last night and I had to add it to my mostly written article.
So if you want to donate to a great cause AND embarrass Garrett, donate here:
and remember to put “TSL” somewhere in the name section so we can keep track. Thank you.
Anyway, you’re really here for some football chatter, so let’s get right to it:
D1:
Last Week’s Scores:
Sloppy Seconds 39, Why So Serious 16
Tight Ends In Motion 35, Public Enemy 1
Tight Ends In Motion 40, Why So Serious 23
Sticky Bandits 36, Eyes Downtown 26
Shout out to the big win by Sticky over Eyes Downtown! They’re consistently improving and that was probably the biggest win in franchise history. D1 is slowly getting more interesting as the year goes on. That’s also in part due to Sloppy Seconds’ first D1 win as well. Things are trending towards the D1 playoffs being more interesting than previously thought, and that’s a good thing. Okay, Why So Serious is in shambles, but everyone else is trending up! And I don’t want to completely ignore the 35-1 win that TEIM had in their “Super Bowl” against Public Enemy, but once I heard that PE was missing a lot of players, including All-Universe QB Chris Cole, I just dismissed the victory like many others did too. Disappointing we didn’t get that true matchup, but it makes me want it more in the title game.
This Week’s Games:
Public Enemy vs Sticky Bandits (+22) – Sticky gets a week from hell here, and it starts early at 9:00. Sticky is improving, but this is another level they’re not at yet. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 20
Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits (+20) - Sticky gets a week from hell here, and it continues at 10:00. Sticky is improving, but this is another level they’re not at yet. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 20
Public Enemy vs Sloppy Seconds (+24) – The parade of giant lines continues, and despite Sloppy’s improvements, this is the same “upper tier” vs “lower tier” of D1 matchup that we’re seeing with Sticky. They’re just not there yet. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 17
Eyes Downtown vs Why So Serious (+28) – Even with a loss to Sticky Bandits, New Eyes Downtown are trending upwards and Why So Serious couldn’t be in more trouble. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 22
D2:
Last Week’s Games:
XTC 40, Bullet Club 32
Losing Streak 22, Scared Hitless 20
A&A 44, Bullet Club 10
When Dove Cries 36, Slytherin That End Zone 22
XTC 46, When Dove Cries 40
Passed Our Prime 43, Slytherin That End Zone 21
XTC were the big winners of Week 5, going 2-0 and just about cementing their once questionable playoff status. Wins over Bullet Club and When Dove Cries was exactly what the doctor ordered. Yes, that’s a Dubey pun. Yes, I’m proud of it. On the other side of the coin, Bullet Club looks like they’re paper tigers as they lost the close one to XTC but were simply outclassed by A&A. While their two wins against the teams below them in the standings should help sneak into the playoffs, I’m not sure they’ll win another game. Losing Streak and Scared Hitless had a hell of a battle, and shout out to the Hitless defense for slowing down that lethal LS offense even in a losing effort. And finally, PASSED OUR PRIME IS ON THE BOARD! A big win against SITE for POP means D2 won’t have a single team that doesn’t win a game. With a loss to WDC as well, SITE hasn’t looked great in the games with Newman at QB, perhaps a midseason change is in order? Dawson seemed capable, and Seth is still on the roster. This could be interesting.
This Week’s Games:
A&A vs Mountain Dew Me (+1) – We’re getting robbed of Matty vs Joey. Everyone knows that. Travis has slowly been transitioning into one of the league’s better QB’s, despite his reluctance to just go QB completely. This is going to be a fun game, can A&A keep up with MDM? Actually, they can’t. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 3
Peachy Platoon vs Scared Hitless (+17) – Scared Hitless is performing much better these days, but Peachy is another level for them in D2. Peachy has much better guys and QB, but honestly, Scared Hitless has them beat in the female department. That’s hard to do. But until they get these ladies some help, they can’t hang with the Peachy machine. PEACHY PLATOON BY 18
XTC vs Slytherin That End Zone (+4) – One team went 2-0 and answered questions the league had about them. The other went 0-2 and raised a whole lot of “oh man what’s up with this team here?” questions. I’ll take the trend here. XTC BY 8
Losing Streak vs Bullet Club (+2) – Losing Streak continues being impressive, taking another victory last week. Meanwhile, Bullet Club looks in disarray, and now their playoff lives might be in trouble. Bullet Club needs this game more, but reports of QB Scotty’s “bland” offense has many worried about what could happen here. LOSING STREAK BY 4
Mountain Dew Me vs Passed Our Prime (+9) – Great to see POP get that first win, but good luck keeping up with the Swedish Speed Demons (It doesn’t matter that they’re probably not Swedish.) and Joey Batts. The McGregors seemed to have been cloned in a lab, and Joey has them on the right track. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 13
Mountain Dew Me vs Losing Streak (+3) – Well, now MDM runs into a team that can for sure keep up with them. So when a team can equal them in speed, and they’re taller, that is a mixture for doom for MDM right? LOSING STREAK BY 7
D3:
Last Week’s Games:
The Untouchaballs 38, Vaspian 29
Top Shot 38, The Untouchaballs 19
The Angels 35, Wolfpack 32
Top Shot 40, All We Do Is Quinn 14
Grey Hair Don’t Care 33, Frodo Swaggins 7
The Untouchaballs show that they’re a very solid, middle of the division team, winning the game the should win against Vaspian, and then losing to D3 favorite, Top Shot. The Angels were Mattyless, but they still went out and beat Wolfpack. It’s fun to finally see the Angels in their competitive comfort zone where they just aren’t always blowing teams out left and right. Top Shot went up and beat up on Quinn, which is of course the quickest way to make people question how fair Blasé’s roster really is in D3. Grey Hair went out and beat up on a shorthanded Frodo, but regardless, GHDC has been sneakily one of the better teams in the league as of late, and someone the top teams need to look out for.
This Week’s Games:
All We Do Is Quinn vs The Untouchaballs (+9) – Quinn is old news now. Just kidding, but they definitely don’t feel like the sure things anymore. Frodo and Top Shot have risen over them in the “D3 title rankings” and AWDIQ can really use the big win to remind everyone who they are. It starts here. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 18
Frodo Swaggins vs Vaspian (+13) – Frodo looks to have their team back this week, which isn’t a good sign for Vaspian. Even with Drew playing, Frodo shouldn’t have much of an issue. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 14
Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Wolfpack (+9) – Like I said earlier, Grey Hair is playing pretty well, and Wolfpack might be D4 bound for next season. I really think GHDC has figured out their game, so this one could be ugly. (Okay, the Wolfpack could never be called ugly.) Grey Hair takes out the pretty boys. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 17
Top Shot vs The Angels (+11) – Quite the intriguing matchup going on here, but based solely off of feel, Top Shot seems to be handling D3 a little better than the Angels right now. This one will be close, but I think Top Shot pulls it out. TOP SHOT BY 2
D4:
Last Week’s Games:
Cobblestone 32, TOX 8
Practice Squad 32, Freeballers 23
Freeballers 32, Not So Sticky 20
Cunning Stunts 44, Cobblestone 36
Cunning Stunts 44, Not So Sticky 41
Cobblestone 30, Woodpeckers 0
Darryl goes 2-1, Cobblestone moves to 3-3, and inserts themselves in the mix for the D4 title. The world is happy! Being in the mix in D4 doesn’t mean much when the Stunts are running through everyone though. They’re on track to join the Angels in D3 as soon as next season perhaps. Please. But first they have to get through a very game Practice Squad team that may have D3 aspirations of their own. Freeballers went 1-1 and continue to show marked improvements across the board, and they might be a QB change away from really doing some damage. Not So Sticky continues to have a lot of fun in losses, so there’s that. TOX and the Woodpeckers continue to lose, nothing more to see here.
This Week’s Games:
Itches and Ohs vs Freeballers (+1) – I think the off week will hinder Itches a little bit, and the Freeballers will take home a victory they can be proud of. FREEBALLERS BY 3
TOX vs Woodpeckers (+13) – I’m not sure who’s throwing for TOX with Topper not around, but whoever it is will still be winning the QB matchup in this one. TOX BY 8
Cobblestone vs Freeballers (+8) – The Freeballers have never battled someone as magical as Darryl Carr QB Superstar, but they’re going to learn first hand this week. COBBLESTONE BY 8
Buffalo Vice vs Not So Sticky (+24) – Hey Andy Clark. 24 points is the spread. You can beat that. I know it. Not So Sticky might be in trouble against one of the league’s better defenses. Wait. There’s no “might be” here. BUFFALO VICE BY 31.
Cunning Stunts vs Practice Squad (+1) – MARQUEE MATCHUP ALERT. At least, I think it is. I really hope we don’t get duped out of a great game because people are too busy camping or selfishly spending time with their families. Shout out to Kenny Lantz (secretly the best Lantz, very, very secretly) for dropping me the Practice Squad report. We know a ton about the Stunts, but the Squad is chock full of people other than B and Renee. Ashtin Fiegel is still one of the best kept secrets in the league, and she’s so good that it forces PS to keep her brother Kyle on the team. Part of the reason the defense is so good? Jamie McCabe and Kyle Geertman (that’s a fun name to be saddled with your entire life) have been playing safety together for so long (literally during the PS rise to power) that they finish each other’s sentences. They’re good enough that Mike Blanchard is relegated to #3 safety, and he actually played in college. On top of all that, Sean and Amy Hayden have been around since the beginning, and both are perfect utility players that can do it all, so whenever PS is missing someone, they have the ability to fill the holes. Oh, and they even have hot new prospect Emily Wyse who has unlimited potential as she learns the game. Bottom line? Practice Squad is good, improving, and they’re set up NICELY for the future. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 6
Itches and Ohs vs Woodpeckers (+16) – It’s just hard to really pick the Peckers in any game right now. ITCHES AND OHS BY 10
Jabronies vs Cobblestone (+2) – A quietly fun matchup between two teams that have been good, but not great. At least not yet. Jabronies are rounding into form, but it seems Team Carr is a step ahead in that department. This game is going to go to the QB who blinks last. Look for a late Darryl interception to end this. JABRONIES BY 3
D5:
Last Week’s Games:
Puckett All-Stars 42, Wasted Potential 8
The Bambs 28, Show Me Dem TDs 16
ILF 34, UWM 14
Slow week in D5, but a very telling one. The sleeping giant that is Puckett is waking up. They absolutely demolished Wasted Potential, who was just getting some confidence as a potential contender here. The Bambs got a nice win over Show Me, and didn’t look like they had much trouble doing so either. ILF overcame a rough first half to ruin the Spring debut of Scott Keller Sr, like a bunch of jerks.
This Week’s Games:
Breast Friends vs Show Me Dem TDs (+3) – I can’t imagine a world where this team figures out how to beat a gender team just yet. Hopefully Timmy Z has been scouting on the sidelines to get some idea in how to do it, but this feels like a matchup between two teams going in opposite directions. BREAST FRIENDS BY 13
Wasted Potential vs The Bambs (+2) – I have to think last week was an anomaly for WP, but I also know that they won’t have Coach Jay this week, so that kind of worries me for this one. Look for The Bambs to pull the upset. THE BAMBS BY 8
Puckett All-Stars vs ILF (+8) – ILF is becoming a very good team, and it seems like Andrew Kicak has multiple interceptions every game, according to various sources (including himself). But like Topper said on the podcast this week, maybe Puckett is in a division too low. They just keep flying under the radar. Well, no longer! PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 6
Zack Attack vs University Wealth Management (+18) – Blood bath going to ensue. The best team in the division versus the not best team in the division. ZACK ATTACK BY 23
Zack Attack vs The Bambs (+4) – The Bambs offense is going to struggle against the suffocating defense of Zack Attack. ZA rolls to another 2-0 week. ZACK ATTACK BY 17
D6:
Last Week’s Scores:
Graves Bros 51, Victorious Secret 34
Lenny’s Ladies 51, Juiced 41
Spinelli’s Plumbing 55, Travis Henry’s Kids 24
TMA 31, The Bi-Polar Express 25
Graves Bros overcame a slow start to come back on Jordan and the girls this week. A week after getting beat up by the Tater Tots, Lenny’s Ladies rallied back and put up 50 points of their own in a win against Juiced, who are starting to show a little promise. In the big game, Spinelli’s rocked THK and firmly planted their flag in the “D6 title contender” mountain. What a thrashing I wasn’t expecting. And TMA took on their old friends in the Bi-Polar Express, coming back from a multiple score deficit to win yet again.
This Week’s Games:
Graves Bros vs Lenny’s Ladies (+7) – While Lenny’s Ladies continue to show improvement (especially when they have their roster show up, which I’ve been told is a little issue), they struggle with teams like Graves Bros still as they continue to learn how to play defense. Graves shouldn’t have a problem here. GRAVES BROS BY 16
Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Victorious Secret (+15) – Spinelli’s is on a tear right now, and I can’t see anyone derailing them right now. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 28
TMA vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+2) – TMA has been very good, but so has THK. I really think we’re at the point in the season where we get too excited for the TMA D6 Championship chatter, and they lay their egg in a game you didn’t expect them too. Yeah, here we are. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 13
Blitzkrieg vs The Bi-Polar Express (+1) – It really feels like we’re close to seeing a few more wins from BPX. Gordon seemingly has a more consistent roster that’s been playing well, but they’re JUST missing out on a few wins. Blitzkrieg is also coming up short a lot this season too. This should be a very good game, but I like the mild upset, even if Allie won’t play for BPX. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 4
Tater Tots vs Juiced (+23) – Tots good. Juiced not good. TATER TOTS BY 32
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:
1. How will the JKSL fare in its first week of existence? This might be the first time in league history that one of Lenny, Topper, or Rameer won’t be at the fields. It’s a very scary place to think about the league without Topper, but let’s see how things go as we get a glimpse into the future. It’ll be fine, right? Right?
2. How many people will miss for Memorial Day weekend? Attendance at the fields and the bar is always a pretty record low for this holiday weekend. I really hope Brent is there at least to make everyone smile.
3. Who else can referee in this league? Coach Jay has done a great job with the refs, but sadly we’ve had some issues with staffing because of real life things like vacations and whatnot. Thank you to those who already volunteer their time to ref and help the league, but we could REALLY use a few more people to be “on call”. If you’re interested in helping out occasionally, email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let him know!
4. What will the fields be like this week? I was faxed lots of complaints that the fields were too hard. Of course, when I checked the weather for tomorrow in Buffalo (60 degrees, party cloudy by the way) I noticed that its 42 degrees and raining today? I don’t miss living in Buffalo, it’s too erratic. Wow. Either way that should soften up the fields.
5. What’s the absolute best game of the day if everyone shows up? Cunning Stunts vs Practice Squad is going to be awesome. I really hope they’re both at 100%. Don’t let me down.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS ABOUT SATURDAY:
1. Breakfast Club Predictions: Stone Cold Kellers 34 – Valkyries 30, Great White Clarkes 42 – The EMigoes 27, Peanut Butter Kelly Time 27 – Drive me CURRazy 24, Steph It Up A Notch 33 – Robin’s Nest 31.
2. Here are the best games to watch this week, every hour:
10:00 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits
11:00 – A&A vs Mountain Dew Me
12:00 – Freeballers vs Cobblestone
1:00 – TMA vs Travis Henry’s Kids
2:00 – Practice Squad vs Cunning Stunts
3:00 – Mountain Dew Me vs Losing Streak
3. We could definitely use more dogs at the fields, which will lead to more pictures of said dogs.
4. Speaking of, the podcasts are sounding better since Topper got a bunch of podcasting equipment but we need a better intro AND we need to not hear the dogs constantly running around in the studio. The dog tags jingling can be pretty distracting. At least to me anyway.
5. I’m getting excited thinking about who’s going to be on the TSL Bachelorette this upcoming offseason. Hopefully we find Lauren true love, or at least someone with nice muscles.
6. I have this feeling the Cunning Stunts would beat the Angels 2 out of 3 games if they played a 3 game series.
7. With Lenny and Rameer Day on the horizon, send out invites to as many TSL alumni as you can to get them to the fields next week! Let’s make it a party!
8. Am I correctly hearing rumors about certain pink teams QB’d by Jeff May returning. They better call B’s Brother. That’s all I’m saying.
9. The bar has been rocking and every week we see more and more newcomers finally hanging out and understanding the full “TSL” experience. It’s really awesome to hear about!
10. I say this a ton, but thank you to everyone that takes time out of their day to support the league. Whether you’re in “management”, you referee, you clean up the fields, you help out wherever it’s needed: Thank you. It always takes a village, but its even better when the village couldn’t be more helpful.
Enjoy your holiday weekend, and have fun out there. Stay safe, wear sunscreen.
-GF
