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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the race for social co-ed football immortality has officially begun, sort of. Week 1 of the Fall2021 season is indeed completed, but it felt more like the trial run of a typical TSL football week. We were missing a lot of teams, players, B’s brother, and referees. Things were just a little weird. Look at the list of teams that didn’t play: Tight Ends In Motion, Sticky Bandits, When Dove Cries, Breast Friends, Cunning Stunts, Pretty much all of D5, and Blitzkrieg.

 

We’re talking some real star power in the D1 champions, Sticky Nation, Topper, two gender teams, an entire division, and Light Red Hoodie Guy. That’s crazy. And if the TSL Universe wasn’t weird enough, Week 1 brought us other unusual sights as well. Cobblestone is leading D3. Passed Our Prime not only won a game, but they did so with their actual team showing up. Frank Laudico actually played a game at QB in the TSL instead of dodging us (Okay, it wasn’t with the Wanderers, but steps were taken to have them finally come prove themselves). The gender teams are leading D6. The standings page on the website is this weird green color instead of the blue we’re used to, and for some reason it’s going Wins – Draws – Losses and looks weird for records. From what I was told, the bar almost had an electrical fire and burned down AND it wasn’t our fault. Bees were on the attack as well. People were extra sweaty and hot. The podcast apparently recorded an episode, lost it, and had to quickly make another one.

 

Needless to say, the TSL had some real cobwebs to shake out this past week. Or most of the league was still drunk from the wine tournament the week before. This is quite possible, and honestly the most reasonable explanation for everything.

 

Either way: FOOTBALL IS BACK!

 

There was some normalcy to the games this week too: Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown are at the top of the D1 standings. Bullet Club is having attendance issues. Matty ice is leading A&A to wins in only half a shirt. Johnny Dio is leading TMA to wins. Buffalo Vice is putting up points. Puckett All-Stars just keep winning games. So, the league isn’t completely upside down and scrambled. But what a fun and interesting start we had.

 

What does that mean for the upcoming Week 2? Let’s find out!

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 53, Slob Kabombs 30

Eyes Downtown 40, Losing Streak 34

 

Not a whole lot to write about here. Public Enemy starts off the Chris Cole Goodbye/Revenge Tour Sendoff Jamboree with a big win against the “new” team in D1. I say new in quotes because most of these players have been in the league before. But, its never fun to have to play the focused PE in your first game as a squad. Eyes Downtown and Losing Streak had a hell of a back and forth that ED pulled out at the end. While LS would’ve liked to get a big win off the bat in D1, I don’t think they have much to worry about here when you consider that the reports that they were shorthanded. Look out for them at full strength.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Public Enemy vs Slob Kabombs (+12) – Well, due to some fantastic scheduling work, we already get a rematch this season. PE and the Kabombs run it back this week, but I can’t imagine there being much of a difference so quickly. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 15.

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Losing Streak (+7) – Let’s GO! Our D1 champs take on our D2 champions in their first game of the season. This is some high quality content here. LS is getting the points solely because of the respect for the champs, but I’ve already heard that Bro Klecker is getting hitched this weekend (Congrats to him!) so if that’s happening Saturday, this game is way less fun. But I can only make my incredibly accurate predictions assuming both teams are at full strength. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 1.

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

A&A 37, Notorious BNB 36

Scared Hitless 42, Bullet Club 15

Top Shot 32, Bullet Club 16

Passed Our Prime 54, XTC 53

 

A&A and BNB put on one hell of a show to get us started this season. A lot of same faces in new places in this battle. Amy Taylor tossed a late TD to Alex Buchilis to bring BNB within a point. Instead of going for the tie, they went for 2 to win the game like badasses do. Sadly, they didn’t get it, but it’s still admirable. Bullet Club had some new faces as well, and they looked like a team that’s never really played together before. Scared Hitless meanwhile looked pretty good as a unit, and Sticky Hands Blonde Chick really showed her stuff, catching FOUR TDs in this one. Top Shot got off to a fast start in their victory, scoring on the first possession and then getting a pick 8 soon after to get a quick lead. They looked good as a team in their first D2 action, with several unnamed Top Shot players stating that it was because Blasé wasn’t playing. As I stated before, POP actually had players show up, and they won a hell of a game against XTC to start the season. XTC added both Battaglia brothers, and Dubey showed up to sling the rock, which equaled a LOT of points. D2, as always, will be a crapshoot.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs When Dove Cries (+4) – The new and improved A&A is the first test for Team Topper this season. While other teams were adding more and more talent, Topper decided he needed to go out and get Gary Schmelzer to compete. Yes, that Gary. The one that Topper has trashed for a decade. This is like Rocky and Drago working together. I don’t know who is who. A&A BY 7

 

The Notorious BNB vs Passed Our Prime (+1) – I’m just betting the over here. And that O/U line is probably 110. Passed Our Prime will absolutely be able to score here, but they absolutely won’t be able to stop BNB. If either team slows this game down, they just hate football. In the end, I’m going to take the team with Dave Baker because he’s still Dave F’N Baker. BNB BY 3

 

A&A vs XTC (+3) – Two teams, and only 5 letters between the two of them. Nice. I don’t think people should be sleeping on XTC this season, as they’re quite improved, and I’m sure Joey Batts will tell you all about it. A&A does have some new faces as well, as I said before, but it never feels like it matters. Matty and company can pretty much win any game they’re in with whoever is on the roster. Hell, they won games with JZ on the team before. Another game where I’d lean to take the over. XTC BY 6

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Last Dance 48, Show Me Dem TDs 22

Frodo Swaggins 34, 4^th And Dong 34

The Untouchaballs 45, The Angels 34

Grey Hair Don’t Care 27, Freeballers 17

Cobblestone 46, Super Freaks 18

 

Wolf Dance was quite close to the D3 title last season, and they picked up right where they left off, stomping SMDTDs. Show Me jumped up a couple of divisions just to get beaten like they were in D5, so I worry that perhaps they miscalculated just where they belong here. Frodo and 4^th and Dong tied, which is amazing. 4^th and Dong is clearly team Keller, but they grabbed Scotty Dro to be their QB and got future son-in-law Stegs to be on the roster as well. Untouchaballs had Melanie Linsmair catching long TDs against the Angels, which is the surest sign she’ll end up being an Angel next season. Grey Hair dominated a shorthanded Freeballers, and that game allegedly could’ve been a lot worse. Finally, there’s nothing too Super about these Freaks it seems, even though its only been a week. Sam Lattuca was spotted throwing the football for Cobblestone at times and it seems they’ve turned the clock back to 2018 this season. I hope it continues.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs The Angels (+6) – It will never be not weird to have the Angles as underdogs, but it’s fantastic to see them playing in the correct division where they aren’t just beating the crap out of everyone. Last season, these two faced off like 47 times, and I think Grey Hair won all of them. Both teams got a bit better in the offseason, and Matty is healed, so it’ll be fun to see how this version plays out. GREY HAIR BY 2

 

The Untouchaballs vs Show Me Dem TDs (+7) – The Untouchaballs featuring Jeremy Burr looked pretty good last week, and SMDTDs did not. Both are going to be mad when they’re both wearing blue and nobody brought another color too. I’m just going to play the early trends here. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 4

 

Last Dance vs Cobblestone (+6) – Right now, Last Dance looks like the most complete team in D3. This is the real test for Cobblestone. I know that they had a lot of fun last week, but in reality I’m not sure they were properly tested. Last Dance is that test. LAST DANCE BY 13

 

Show Me Dem TDs vs Super Freaks (+3) – SMDTDs get a game against the Super Freaks here. The Freaks were pushed to D3 perhaps unfairly. I know that preseason conversations were based on Ralph Finney (one of the best players in the league) playing for them, but nobody realized that not only was he going to QB, but that he’s Nathan Peterman on top of it. This should be a good game for both teams to really find their D3 legs. SHOW ME DEM TDS BY 8

 

The Untouchaballs vs Cobblestone (+1) – Sam Lattuca vs Melaine Linsmair. This is more accurately Sam playing against herself 10 years ago. It’s pretty awesome. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 3

 

4^th and Dong vs Super Freaks (+7) – 4ND started off slow but worked hard for that Frodo tie last week. These are two teams that are relatively new to the league, but the core of 4ND has played together since the beginning of time. That gives them a slight leg up. 4^TH AND DONG BY 3

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 43, Practice Squad 34

Today’s Feast 45, Titsburgh Feelers 6

Puckett All-Stars 30, Vaspian 8

Itches and Ohs 43, GUCCI 40

Falconies 40, Zack Attack 29

Falconies 29, Itches and Ohs 17

 

Buffalo Vice took one from Practice Squad early as new QB Seth filled in quite admirably for Andy Clark, who has sadly left the team in the offseason. Andy was a fantastic QB for Vice, so I’m glad they found someone of equal talent to fill in for him. They won’t miss a step. Feast vs Feelers was a matchup of two brand new teams to the TSL and quite frankly I don’t know if this means Feast is ridiculously good or Feelers are ridiculously bad. More on this story as it develops. Puckett plucked some former Quinn players and they continued winning games, as they always do. Itches and Ohs won a tight game against the “new to the TSL” Gucci, who look like they’ll have a say in the championship picture. Also, multiple messages were given to me about how cool their roman numeral jerseys are. Props. Falconies didn’t have Joe Miano, but it didn’t matter and Mike McKenrick lead them to two victories this week.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Cunning Stunts vs Puckett All-Stars (+3) – Game of the Day potential right here. Puckett brings their new look team to the fields to take on the Stunts and Joey Batts. The Stunts took a hit this offseason with the loss of Katie Keller who had to selfishly play with her family instead. But other than that, they’re going to be just fine as these girls know what they’re doing and Joey is sort of one of the best QBs of all time (according to the Joseph Battaglia QB Rankings anyway). Let’s hear it for the girls. CUNNING STUNTS BY 3

 

Buffalo Vice vs Zack Attack (+9) – Zack Attack got their first taste of D4 with a loss to Falconies, as their trademark defense didn’t hold up. It doesn’t get ANY easier against the High Octane offense (does anyone use “High Octane” anymore? Did we go away from that?) of Buffalo Vice. This might be ugly if ZA doesn’t figure out what got them to D4 in the first place. BUFFALO VICE BY 17

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Zack Attack (+3) – The second game for both of these teams. Zack Attack did add Misty Himes from Public Enemy this offseason, so it’s not the exact same team. But again, Puckett added a lot of Quinn players and maybe even should’ve gone to D3. PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 13

 

GUCCI vs Today’s Feast (Even) – I’m just really excited to see what happens when these two teams take the field. They’re fresh to the TSL, and both were extremely impressive in their debuts. These are the names we’re all going to learn this season. GUCCI BY 1.

 

Itches and Ohs vs Practice Squad (+3) – Practice Squad returns the usual roster of Lantzes and talented safeties. And not to mention B “I got attacked by a dog so I can’t ref but I can still play QB” Ford, who is still enjoying his career renaissance (google what that means B) with the Squad. Itches had PS’s number last season, and they still trot out one of the most impressive female groups in the league. ITCHES AND OHS BY 8

 

Breast Friends vs Itches and Ohs (+2) -  Breast Friends moved up to D4 on the strength of their 5 forfeit wins and blowout playoff loss last season. Itches and Ohs are the same squad with perhaps one or two more guys on the roster so they don’t have to play shorthanded as much. Itches has the girls to compete with a gender team that is still sort of figuring things out together. Also, it’s going to be fun to watch Travis Cleavenger-Bernal try to run away from Laura. Spoiler alert: he can’t. ITCHES AND OHS BY 3

 

Practice Squad vs Breast Friends (+1) – If I’m right, both of these teams will be coming off of a loss to Itches and Ohs before this game. So they have that in common. This matchup will be fun, but Practice Squad needs this one. I can’t imagine them going 0-3. The problem is that they may need a guy to rush Travis Cleavenger-Bernal, who will absolutely run around for 23 minutes before someone gets open. The problem for him may be that PS doesn’t let anyone get open. This is a very interesting matchup, and one to go to for sure if you’re just slamming Trulys on the fields looking for a game to watch. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 4

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Game:

716 36, Spinelli’s Plumbing 27

 

There’s not a whole lot that happened in D5 since again, most of the division took off. Derek Pew’s new team took home a win in their first game as Spinelli’s made the jump to D5. It wasn’t horrible, but not what we’re used to seeing from them as of late.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

716 vs TOX (+7) – 716 had their impressive debut and I see they have players like James Celotto and Nick Voss on the team, which means they have talent. TOX, well, they weren’t great last year with Topper and Tommy Hughes on the team and they’ve since left. TOX merged with Juiced, who didn’t win a game last season. This doesn’t bode very well for them. 716 BY 16

 

Wasted Potential vs Not So Sticky (+7) – Not So Sticky returns as the fun loving bunch who is just there for the beer, I think. Wasted Potential has a lot of Potential. George Lombardo steps in for Coach Jay at QB this season, mostly because Coach Jay has to actually Coach. Makes sense. Anyway, it’ll be fun, but WASTED POTENTIAL BY 7

 

Come From Behind vs Lettuce Win (+6) – Come From Behind returns and all is right with the world. They take on Lettuce Win, who is a new team to the TSL, but I see a lot of old “Full Throttle” names on the roster, so they’ve been here before. COME FROM BEHIND BY 18

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Victorious Secret 41, Graves Bros 12

TMA 34, Graves Bros 32

Lenny’s Ladies 52, Travis Henry’s Kids 28

 

Graves Bros start the season off cold as ice, going 0-2. VS came in hard and walloped them before TMA entrusted the tip toes of Diana Bernal to get them a victory. Lenny’s Ladies beat THK in a rout, with Chris Cole throwing for them over an injured Joe K.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

TMA vs Blitzkrieg (+8) -  TMA squeaked by Graves Bros, but that was without most of their team and a backup QB. Granted, that backup QB is the GREATEST QB IN TMA HISTORY in Johnny Dio, so they didn’t miss a beat there. Still, missing Rob Rummings and Nick Smith brought TMA’s average height down to about 5’11 last game, and not having Val Testa rushing meant Diana and Lauren had to play all game in the heat. This is the long way of saying they still won and just got much better. Blitzkrieg took last week off, and they have some roster issues of their own. Word is that team all-star Allie Metzger is taking the season off, which just hurts BK’s overall game. I’m not sure they’re on TMA’s level, but nobody in D6 is. TMA BY 9

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Graves Bros (+7) – THK had a rough go of it last week against Lenny’s Ladies, as their defense, according to referee Topper, just kept the middle wide open. And then they threw a few bad deep balls and that was it. Graves Bros had a similar experience with Victorious Secret, and then they couldn’t complete the comeback against TMA late. All in all, these are two teams that need a win. GRAVES BROS BY 2

 

Victorious Secret vs Blitzkrieg (+6) – Jordan might have his girls dialed in already, and I’m not sure Blitzkrieg, who is shaking off the rust from the offseason, will be ready for that. Add into the fact that I’m not certain BK has the girls to keep up the scoring to run with VS and well, the Secret’s out. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 10

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. After last season saw some Week 1 changes to the league with Juiced and The Woodpeckers flipping, will we see any this season? It’s probably too late for that since it would’ve happened this week. I won’t lie, looking at the rosters, there’s some pretty obvious flips that should happen. TOX is a D6 team, and TMA should be in D5. It’s not even close. I’m thinking Puckett should probably be in D3, and Super Freaks might want to get moved down as well. I think I would flip Show Me Dem TDs and Buffalo Vice too.

 

2. Speaking of Buffalo Vice, what’s the controversy there? There isn’t one. Andy Clark was a great QB for them and they added Seth to replace him. I mean, maybe Seth moves a little better, but Andy could throw it farther. It’s a wash. The last thing The Godfather would ever do is create more controversy so trust me when I say that this is a non-issue. Vice won 40-34. That’s how their games always go.

 

3. What’s going on with people on 3 rosters? Well, that’s fun too. Lenny is sitting in his secret bunker fuming at Topper for allowing people to play on multiple teams, I know it. Anyway, with gender teams and whatnot, it gets confusing, and there are multiple people (mostly women) on multiple rosters. They’re just simply going to have to make a choice and all will be well. If this becomes more of a headache, you all better start preparing to go back to the old rules next season.

 

4. What’s going on with the fields? Did you SEE Field 2’s lines? The lines weren’t the greatest, we know. Topper isn’t the one that lines them, he contracts that out to the bar to do. I know that they seemed similar to the wine tournament fields so everyone assumed it was Topper and Jeff Krol, but it wasn’t. There should be a fix for this week.

 

5. Did the bar really almost explode? What about the bees? I guess a breaker in the bar started a small fire that if it wasn’t caught really could’ve caused a HUGE problem. Special shout out to league electrician Gordon Kus who took the time to fix the issue according to Topper. That’s pretty nice of him. As for the apparent bee infestation, I don’t know if they had someone come in and spray or not, so good luck with that this week.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. I tell you all of the time to wear sunscreen, so I’m really hoping you guys did last week. I heard people were literally melting all over the fields. Be safe out there! Stay hydrated please. No, seltzers don’t count. Drink actual water.

 

2. Shout out to the refs that stepped up to help out this week and last week. I know we have a shortage with summer still happening. If you want to step in and help referee, PLEASE TALK TO TOPPER, COACH JAY, JOE K, EMILY CURRY, JEFF KROL, ETC. Pretty much anyone. Just tell them and we’ll get you set up.

 

3. The TSL Podcast needs a new intro. I love hearing about Lenny and Rameer, but its time we move on.

 

4. Best games to watch each hour:

               10:00 – Puckett All-Stars vs Cunning Stunts

               11:00 – A&A vs When Dove Cries

               12:00 – Cobblestone vs The Untouchaballs

               1:00 – Passed Our Prime vs The Notorious BNB

               2:00 – Itches and Ohs vs Breast Friends

               3:00 – Come From Behind vs Lettuce Win

 

5. If you’re reading this, and you’re saying to yourself “Man this muppet got everything wrong about our team!!”, REACH OUT TO ME. I get emails from lots of teams and I have spies at the fields that give me other info. If you don’t tell those people about your games, or email me directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. I have ZERO idea what to say about your games or who your best players are. Plus, I just love talking to the people in the league I don’t get to be a part of anymore!

 

6. Also, remember, the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee sets my lines every week. Don’t complain to me about the line, complain to them. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I just pick the games.

 

7. I get that Tight Ends In Motion probably has the best group of females in the league. But I really can’t stress just how good the Scared Hitless girls are. Jaimie Warren is a former MVP. Cat Peters is tremendous. Carly DeWeese doesn’t get nearly enough credit as she gets lost in the shuffle at times. And now they add Melanie? AND THEY TRIED TO GO BACK TO D3? For shame.

 

8. Topper doesn’t know who you are. He’s stressed this before. If you see him, he’s more than happy to get to know you. Just proceed to get him a drink and chat him up. He still wont remember you, but he’ll tell people about you and they’ll remember you. It’s easy.

 

9. People said the fields were kind of quiet in Week 1, and then they remembered Trish Esposito wasn’t there. That checks out.

 

10. The amount of people that are already rumored to be planning to leave their teams for other squads for the Spring after one week is alarming. The whispers have already begun and there could be a lot of player movement in the offseason. I got more than one comment from my sources about this. Hearts are going to be broken. Is it yours?

 

And with that, Week 2 is 24 hours or so away from happening! Please take care of yourselves and have a great time! And try not to complain too much. It’s hot and nobody cares.

 

-GF

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