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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, it’s time. The winds have changed. The calendar has turned to September. The grass has slowly begun changing from green to brown. The temperature has dipped into the high 60s. That can only mean one thing: it officially feels like football!

 

Wait, what’s that? The temperature hasn’t even touched the 70s yet? Thanks a lot, Global Warming. The TSL had yet another scorcher for a “Fall” session this past weekend in Week 2 but other than what your nearest thermometer reads, it really is starting to feel like football season. Every team other than No Punt Intended has played at least one game (And three teams have already played 4!). Week 3 is always when the TSL season begins to show its true colors, as the teams begin to dust off the final remnants of summer vacation and we can see who they really are.

 

 

THE GOOD

 

            -Tight Ends In Motion have already scored more points in two games this season than all of last season, I think.

            -Sticky Bandits continue to be winners, going 2-0 to start the season, mostly because of Mary Poppins’ 3 TD performance and Drew did something too I guess

            -Vaspian comes roaring in to score 45 points, which I think is a team record

            -Light Red Hoodie Guy leads Blitzkrieg to victory

            -ILF makes big statement with two wins

            -TMA does TMA things, gets revenge for playoff upset

 

NOT BAD, NOT GOOD

 

            -Superior Moser Squad goes 0-2 (Bad) but Rylee and Lauren Moser both move to 1 + 2 on the overall “Moser Family Quarterback Rankings” (Good)

            -Multiple Ties happened this week, which is the definition of neither good nor bad

            -Ricky Recckio gets everyone playing flip cup at the bar (Good) but apparently bails on the podcast last minute to talk smack to entire league (Bad)

            -Topper showed up to play football in his new Ferrari (Good), Topper showed up to play football (Bad)

 

THE BAD

 

            -Cobblestone falls to 0-3, as every WR continues to let Darryl down, but with NFL cuts finally happening, the QB Superstar is looking to add talent

            -Hogan was at the fields

            -Practice Squad falls to their own hype, doesn’t win either game last week

            -Spinelli’s Plumbing wears terrible jerseys, proceeds to not win again

            -Scared Hitless and Grey Hair Don’t Care combine for a 1-5 record right now, trying to petition for a Division 1B to be immediately created

 

            Every TSL football season has a bunch of twists and turns as we traverse the next two months, it’s going to be interesting to see which teams stay on top, who rises up, and who inevitably falls on their faces. Let’s see what Week 3 brings us.

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits 29, Scared Hitless 22

Sticky Bandits 48, Grey Hair Don’t Care 32

Passed Our Prime 36, Grey Hair Don’t Care 32

Tight Ends In Motion 31, Eyes Downtown 26

Legends 51, Freeballers 28 (D1/D2 Crossover)

 

Sticky Bandits return to action after last season’s championship loss, picking up two wins against the newly promoted teams from D2. D2 champs Passed Our Prime have no trouble winning their first D1 game over GHDC. Tight Ends puts Eyes Downtown in the loss column to start the season, further proving last season was a fluke. And the Legends manhandled (and womanhandled!) the Freeballers in a crossover game.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Legends vs Passed Our Prime (+10) - Last season, Sean Weasel carried Hogan and POP to a championship in D2 for no reason other than it being the POP QB’s Make A Wish request. Now that the wish was granted, POP moved up, but they’re devoid of their big star. New superstars are emerging like “hat guy who caught the winning TD last week”, but this is the test to really see if POP can hang in D1, or if they’re pretenders like GHDC and Scared Hitless. LEGENDS BY 14

 

Passed Our Prime vs Scared Hitless (+8) - Johnny Football can NOT be happy with the start of the season for SH, and word is that he’s starting to lay in bed staring at a picture of Bobby McConnell and “what used to be”. But, there was a reason Scared Hitless was considered the best team to move up to D1 just a few months ago, and this is the week they remind everyone why. SCARED HITLESS BY 12

 

Eyes Downtown vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - I’m sure both teams will make this hard on each other and everyone will be in Grey. Bobby, wear the red. Anyway, there shouldn’t be very many “must win” Week 3 games but both of these teams could use one. GHDC really needs to avoid a 1-4 start, because a late season rally in D1 is a lot less likely, and if Eyes Downtown goes to 0-2, you can be sure that the team will be forced to run suicide sprints at the Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday practices next week for sure. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

 

D1/D2 Crossover Bonus Game:

 

Scared Hitless vs No Punt Intended (+8) - Well, NPI shows back up after not being around for a few seasons with a mostly new roster and their first game is against a ready to prove themselves SH squad. Not ideal for a first game for NPI. SH moves to 2-2 and quiets initial fears about a lost season. SCARED HITLESS BY 12

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games;

 

Frodo Swaggins 49, DILFs 32

The Untouchaballs 37, Buffalo Vice Retro 19

 

 

Frodo asserts their dominance as the overpowered D2 team, smacking the DILFs around pretty easily. But speaking of dominance being asserted, Jeremy Burr and the Untouchaballs picked up their first of many D2 wins this season, waltzing by BVR.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Frodo Swaggins vs The Untouchaballs (+3) - Frodo Swaggins couldn’t win D3 so they got a bunch of ringers and moved up to D2. The Untouchaballs just dominated D3 and moved up without having to stack a roster. Burr > Garrett. In a potential Game of the Day between two of the most fun teams in the TSL, who will come out on top? THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 2

 

DILFs vs Buffalo Vice Retro (+7) - Both teams are coming off of losses and they’re looking to correct their course. The DILFs have done this for years though. They have some fun, play competitively, but end up around 5-4 at the end of the season before really trying in the playoffs. BVR is still a new squad that needs to learn each other and figure things out. They’ll get there, but it’s going to take more than one game. DILFS BY 14

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Freeballers (+12) - The Freeballers continue to be unable to escape Sean Weasel’s shadow. Remember, Sean gifted them a D4 title before leaving them in the dust. Last week, as the Freeballers entered D2, they got to play Sean and the Legends. This week, Sean and the Super Frodos. If you ever wondered why 40 Year Plan Guy drinks, it’s stuff like this. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 16

 

The Untouchaballs vs The Replacements (+14) - As of right now, nobody is sure what to expect from The Replacements. Week 1 wasn’t kind to them, as they had to get a lot of Replacements of their own, so the TSL Universe isn’t sure what kind of team will show up on the fields this time around. We know what we’re getting from The Untouchaballs. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 18

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Mountain Dew Me 33, Practice Squad 32

716 35, Itches and Ohs 9

Practice Squad 28, Itches and Ohs 28

 

I think we should just have a 7 game series between Mountain Dew Me and Practice Squad this season. Another tight football game that saw MDM pull out the victory this time. The new look 716 proceeded to march all over the Ohs. And we have our first tie in D3 this year, as PS and Itches both had 0-1-1 days last week.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

716 vs Can’t Touch This (+7) - Two pretty evenly matched teams that feature two of the best arms in the TSL to date. Ryan vs Derek should be appointment viewing, provided their WR make some catches. This could be a high scoring affair, but 716 has more Vosses (Vossii?) and that will be the difference. 716 BY 12

 

Practice Squad vs Bullet Club (+7) - The hits just keep on coming for Practice Squad, as Team Lantz runs into a veteran team in Suspect Club or whatever they’re being called that started off hot in D3, even with John Langley throwing the ball. BC looks to keep the good times rolling and PS looks to shake off the miscues from last week. Should be a good one. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 2

 

716 vs Itches and Ohs (+8) - Another one of the random back to back games against the same team move. One can only assume Topper was 4 bottles of wine into the schedule making when this happened. We just saw this matchup, and there’s nothing to suggest it’ll be different this time around. 716 BY 14

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Get Schwifty (+6) - MDM picked up their first win last week, and Schwifty is looking to do that themselves this week. There are going to be a LOT of athletes (and Blase) on the field in this game, and it’ll be a lot of fun to watch. It’ll come down to whether or not MDM can protect against Larry’s rocket arm deep balls. I think they can. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 2

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice 54, Spinelli’s Plumbing 54

Zack Attack 36, Spinelli’s Plumbing 14

Vaspian 45, Buffalo Vice 23

TOX 45, Cobblestone 36

Interdimensional Lighting Falcons 21, TOX 13

ILF 26, Cobblestone 14

 

I set the Over/Under at 73.5 for Vice/Spinelli’s and the Over hit at 108 points. AND NOBODY EVEN WON THE GAME. Potentially the highest scoring tie in TSL history. Vice proceeded to prove they have no defense this season, allowing Vaspian to score 45 points when I’m pretty sure they average about 24 points a game. Spinelli’s would go on to show Zack Attack how tired they were from the first game, getting trounced 36-14 TOX comes out hot, beating Cobblestone and giving a good fight against ILF, who proceeded to go to 2-0 on the day and really make a claim at the D4 title that eluded them last season.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Buffalo Vice (EVEN) - In Week 1, PAS went 1-1 scoring a bunch of points along the way. In Week 2, Buffalo Vice went 0-2 scoring a bunch of points along the way. Expect another shootout, but PAS passed the eye test a bit better this season so far. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 4

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs TOX (+5) - Okay TOX, I see you. League wide concerns about TOX potentially getting mauled every single week have been vanquished after last week, where they went 1-1 and earned praise from opposing players along the way. Spinelli’s still doesn’t seem to care about breaking the bad jersey curse, but it took them 14 seasons to learn from their mistakes in D6 before “figuring it out” then too. They’re just slow learners. But, even with that, They can score. A lot. Not sure TOX keeps up. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 8

 

Zack Attack vs Vaspian (EVEN) - These two teams tend to be more known for their defense than their offense. With that said, Vaspian’s offensive output last week could show the times are changing for the Hurley squad. Or, it’s because the Buffalo Vice Defense might be suspect. Zack Attack dropped 36 points of their own. Or, It’s because Spinelli’s is cursed. Either way, ZA’s Defense is still very good, and as long as everyone is on the same page offensively, expect the Attack to have another great day at the office. ZACK ATTACK BY 13

 

International Lightning Falcons vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+3) - ILF had themselves a field day last week, and it compelled Andrew to email me about it. He really wanted me to stress that “Becca had a career high 7 catches, and only cried once!” before also applauding his teammates Karl Smith and Jason Neth for dual 2 TD performances. And he dropped this tidbit: Joe Miano won’t be there to QB, but B is going to throw for ILF. THK had last week off, and will be looking to grab their first win in D4. They lost by a point in Game 1, and that should only encourage them for this one. Should be fun. INTERNATION. . . ILF BY 3

 

Cunning Stunts vs Cobblestone (+10) - A classic QB matchup between Darryl Carr QB Superstar and Joey Batts. Both are legends of the TSL and it’ll be a blessing for anyone around to not only get to watch this game, but to get to watch it for free. The Stunts look to be as good as ever this season, while Cobblestone has (as one onlooker told me) “a bunch of athletes who just don’t understand the game yet”. A well oiled machine vs a bunch of spare parts doesn’t sound like a close matchup. CUNNING STUNTS BY 10

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Passing While Intoxicated 30, Let’s Get Reccked 19

Let’s Get Reccked 43, Today’s Feast 12

TMA 42, Passing While Intoxicated 30

 

PWI took a win over LGR in a close contest that helped LGR move on to win their first game ever against Today’s Feast. PWI would then get beat by TMA in a “revenge” game from last postseason where PWI shocked the former McKenzie Agency in the biggest upset of the playoffs, which is the norm for TMA to be on the losing side of that statement, historically.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind vs Woodpeckers (+8) - The Peckers didn’t get off to the start they would’ve liked in Week 1, as roster issues plagued them in a bad loss. CFB, however, looked great in their win and things are really coming together for them. After a rough start to the season last year, they’ve been consistently getting better. I have a good feeling about them this year. Apparently you CAN teach old dogs new tricks. COME FROM BEHIND BY 15

 

Come From Behind vs Passing While Intoxicated (EVEN) - It’s a compliment to PWI for them to be considered even with CFB. PWI has made some strides since Buddy Lee took over as QB, putting Colorado Mike on the bench where he belongs. Both of these teams are pretty good, and this will be fun to watch. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 13

 

Let’s Get Rocked vs Woodpeckers (+4) - LGR started to figure some stuff out last week, and if they didn’t erase those brain cells in the “after party” they should be looking at another win. They’re a good team for sure, they just need to gel together as all new teams do. LETS GET RECCKED BY 10

 

TMA vs Today’s Feast (+10) - TMA once again finds themselves ranked #1 overall in the TSL Rankings presented by TopperStats. It shouldn’t be a surprise. TMA was very good last season, and D5 didn’t get better around them. Ryan is already throwing lights out as he’s got all of his really talented tall guys back this year and reports are that Val Testa has been killing it this season as well. TMA is clicking on all cylinders for sure. Today’s Feast didn’t have the best game last week after an impressive start in Week 1, but I expect them to be a bit more competitive this game. TMA BY 12

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg 37, Superior Moser Squad 33

Not So Sticky 34, Superior Moser Squad 26

Lenny’s Ladies 20, Two Tuddies 12

Punt Cakes 34, Lenny’s Ladies 8

 

Blitzkrieg begins the “Light Red Hoodie Guy Throws A Bunch” Era with a victory over SMS. SMS would follow that close call with another one against Not So Sticky, who is thriving in D6. Lenny’s Ladies came out swinging, taking a win over the Tuddies before falling to Punt Cakes in the second game.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Punt Cakes vs Superior Moser Squad (+6) - Punt Cakes got an impressive win over the Ladies last weekend, as “Kid with kind of a mullet but looks super young BUT he got ID’d so stop asking Jeff Krol if he’s legal or not” was all over the field making plays. He looks like the real deal. SMS had a nice showing even in defeat as the Moser girls apparently took turns throwing the ball but both looked better than half of the QBs in the league already. PUNT CAKES BY 14

 

Not So Sticky vs Lenny’s Ladies (+8) - NSS is 2-0 and finds themselves in the driver’s seat for a first round bye already. Lenny’s Ladies have some new faces this season, and “tallish girl with the sunglasses” looked pretty good as did (unsurprisingly) Maddie Norton, who apparently was all over the field last week. This should be a good game between some fun teams. NOT SO STICKY BY 9

 

Superior Moser Squad vs Two Tuddies (EVEN) - The Tuddies won in Week 1 and then looked a little lost in Week 2. SMS might be a “new” team with “newish” QBs, but they’re some of the smartest minds in the Social Co-Ed football game today, and that’s something the Tuddies will only get with time. SUPERIOR MOSER SQUAD BY 7

 

Blitzkrieg vs Two Tuddies (+10) - The Tuddies’ day doesn’t get any easier, as the longest running D6 team in Blitzkrieg stops by for a visit. I’ve been a huge BK supporter for most of my life, and this is really starting to feel like everything has lined up for this to be THEIR season. BLITZKRIEG BY 17

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. What looks to be the early season surprise? It’s looking like Cobblestone isn’t ready for D4, which makes no sense given how they handled D5 last season. TOX being nice and competitive is great for the league (and the bar).
2. Which team that got off to a slow start can turn it around? It’s early, so there are a few teams that this could be for, but I’m going to say Grey Hair Don’t Care. They’re 1-3. But last year they didn’t start great and figured things out. They’re slowly learning that in D1, the little mistakes you could get away with in D2 cost you points in D1. I think they’ll clean it up by the playoffs.
3.  Is Tight Ends Back Back? It’s hard to say right now, but any time TEIM has a pair of Kleckers, it's going to go much better for them. You can never say they’re “back back” because they lost some of the most talented females in TSL history, but they already look like the team that was battling Public Enemy for championships instead of losing to D2 teams last year.
4.  Is Frodo Swaggins too “overpowered”? That’s the hot topic of the early season. Garrett went all “Travis” and built a super team, just the D2 version of it. I think it’s a little overblown, and it’s magnified more than it should be because of the 65 point outburst against the Replacements Week 1. Let’s give it some more time before we get the pitchforks out.
5. Why did Topper buy a Ferarri anyway? Because he’s better than you. After years and years of dealing with the stress of running the league, he wanted to look even cooler as he rolls up to wineries and avoids the Rose Garden. He’s earned it.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1. it’s still brutal that it’s going to be in the 80s for the fall session. But in a place that can snow at any given moment, continue to enjoy the nice weather while you have it.

2. Best Games To Watch This Week:

1. 10:00 - Puckett All-Stars vs Buffalo Vice
2. 11:00 - Frodo Swaggins vs The Untouchaballs
3. 12:00 - DILFs vs Freeballers
4. 1:00 - Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Eyes Downtown
5. 2:00 - ILF vs Travis Henry’s Kids
6. 3:00 - Cobblestone vs Cunning Stunts

3.  Breakfast Club Predictions:

1. Steph Infection 45, BDSM 42
2. Amber Alert 37, The Special Kay’s 20
3. The Messy Jessies 40, Jennacide 30

 

4. If you haven’t signed a waiver yet this year, go do it right now so you’re not ineligible for the rest of the season.

5. I’ll say it again, take a few minutes out of your day and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. so I can properly give shoutouts to the people I don’t know about on your team. It’s hard doing this from my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa.

6.  Reports are that we’re leaving a little too much garbage around the fields. Pick up your trash and bring your used buckets back to the bar. It’s not that hard. Shoutouts to everyone that helps out weekly by throwing out other people’s things.

7.  Lots of good words have been emailed to me about how well a bunch of the newer refs are doing. Keep it up!

8.  If anyone would like to be on the podcast, write an article, or contribute to the various shenanigans the TSL has to offer, reach out to Jeff Krol, Travis, or Joe K whenever you see them. The more the merrier.

9.  I wonder who the current “Chris Nelson Award For Playing In A Division Way Below Your Talent” winner is?

 10. Go Bills.

 

 

 

 

The TSL Fall 2022 season is really starting to heat up. Go out there and have some fun, and report it back to me asap.

 

 

-GF OUT

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