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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday, June 17th in the Year of Our Lord 2023, at 9:00am Eastern Standard Time, with the weather projected to be a Sunny Day, just around 75 degrees fahrenheit, with the wind coming from the Northwest at about 12 miles per hour, IT OFFICIALLY BEGINS. 

 

That’s right, the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality begins this weekend. Anything you’ve done in the two months prior to this moment? Forget it, it doesn’t matter. The TSL Regular Season is all about fun, football, and friendship tied in with a little bit of learning about your opponents. But this week? This week is about winning. This week is what some teams have been waiting for since the end of the Fall 2022 session, to see if their offseason improvements to themselves, to see that whoever they swayed to come play for them over another team, and to see if all of the work they’ve put in over the last EIGHT months (including a stop for some in the indoor league) was worth it. 

 

This weekend, 47 of the TSL’s 52 teams will take the field to stake their claim to one of the TSL’s 7 championships that are available to them (you’re forgetting about Breakfast Club, it counts). Every single TSL season is its own entity, chock full of twists and turns that people weren’t expecting and the Spring 2023 season is no different. The only teams that don’t have a game the rest of the way are the two Breakfast Club teams that lost last weekend. This season, there is no “In Memoriam” section of this article. Every single team has a sudden death playoff game in their future which means the potential for crazy, unexpected upsets looms large. Is it out of the question for our only 8-0 team this season, the Sticky Bandits, to lose to Scared Hitless? It’s improbable, but no! What about our 0-8 teams this year? Could Back That Pass Up find the magic to beat the Mighty Drunks in the D6 8-9 matchup to move onto Southside? Sure could. Could the Creekers come in and beat up on Buffalo Vice? If all of Buffalo Vice gets food poisoning tonight, I could see it! Would anyone be surprised if Practice Squad beat the Freeballers? Nope. 

 

And that’s the big point here, that no matter how poorly or how well things went for you over the last eight weeks, the slate is cleaned. Playoff Saturday is one of the best days on the sports calendar. As I’ve said before, it’s right up there with the first weekend of March Madness where lower seeds CONSTANTLY upset higher seeds. A #1 seed is going to get upset somewhere, but who is it? We’ll see some stuff happening this weekend you never expected. It’s almost nearly as hard to have a perfect “TSL bracket” as it is anything else. And the thing is, dear reader, that you might be on that team that is going to pull the big upset. Conversely, you may be on the “sure thing” that won’t be playing next week. The only TSL teams that are guaranteed to have a game next weekend are The Untouchaballs, No Punt Intended, and the Mavericks in D2. They have the joy of the bye week thanks to the 5 team D2 that we have this year. 

 

Your shot at Social Co-Ed Football Immortality begins this weekend. The field is set. By this time next weekend, only 26 of the 52 of you will remain. Only HALF of you will have a shot next week to call yourselves a TSL Champion. This is where the best and the brightest do battle. Do you have what it takes to win it all? Or will you crumble under the spotlight? At the end of the day, most of you will fail. But who’s it going to be? 

 

Let’s try to figure it all out. . . 

 

(Remember, the stats in the “Tale of the Tape” below are relative to team’s divisions, with the exception of the “TSL Rank” which of course comes from a team’s overall ranking in the league relative to things Topper decided on a decade ago and we still run with it.)

D1:

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

 

The Contenders:

 

Sticky Bandits (3-1)

Legends (3-1)

Losing Streak (5-1)

Eyes Downtown (10-1)

 

The Upsetters:

 

Tight Ends In Motion (12-1)

Frodo Swaggins (15-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care (20-1)

Scared Hitless (35-1)

The Story: The Sticky Bandits finished the TSL’s only undefeated this season at 8-0 (because now that Jeff Krol runs things, he gets that favoritism Topper used to get). They did earn it however, having a top offense and defense in the division. The Legends bookended the season with losses, but in between they put on a show. Losing Streak has had a great season in their return, and as long as they keep clicking on offense, there may not be any stopping them. Eyes Downtown is right where they always are, in the mix and ready to pull off an upset. Tight Ends In Motion didn’t have the greatest season in team history, but you can’t count them out. Frodo Swaggins really came on at the end of the season and they’re a dark horse pick to make some noise. Grey Hair and Scared Hitless may not have won too many games, but you absolutely can NOT sleep on them. It took a few seasons, but D1 is getting as competitive as it used to be again. 

#1 Sticky Bandits (8-0) vs #8 Scared Hitless (1-7)

Points For: SB 35.00 (2nd), SH 18.63 (8th)

Points Against: SB 21.00 (1st), SH 35.00 (7th)

TSL Rank: SB 1st, SH 49th

Past Games: 37 - 0 SB

Line: Sticky Bandits (-17)

It would be really, really fun to immediately predict this upset off the bat, wouldn’t it? The problem is that Sticky has been so dominant on both sides of the ball, Scared Hitless would pretty much have to pitch the TSL’s version of a perfect game here. Sticky is much too aware of the upset Scared Hitless pulled in the recent playoffs, so they’re not going to allow themselves to get too comfortable in this one. If you would’ve told me at the end of the Fall session that Sticky would lose Laura Streeter and Christine Krol, and somehow end up being better, I’d have laughed in your face. But Mike Thomas took another step forward, and the Nicole Sharick/Brandy Clarke duo has been amazing. Scared Hitless showed some moxie after a rough start to the season, and probably deserved another win or two along the way that they just didn’t get. They’re going to play their hearts out in this one, but I feel they’re going to fall short. STICKY BANDITS BY 10

 

#2 Legends (6-2) vs #7 Grey Hair Don’t Care (2-6)

Points For: Legends 34.88 (3rd), GHDC 25.63 (6th)

Points Against: Legends 23.88 (2nd), GHDC 32.63 (6th)

TSL Rank: Legends 8th, GHDC 45th

Past Games: 42 - 18 Legends

Line: Legends (-14)

The reigning and defending champions of D1 strut into the playoffs feeling confident. It’s hard not to feel that way when you can put out a roster that has Sean, Mel, Heather, Travis Cleavenger-Bernal, Michael Boccio-Bernal, Maddie, and of course Joey Batts slinging that rock. And there’s more talent I didn’t even name. Legends lost early to Sticky, and then ran through the division, with their other loss coming last week in a game that didn’t matter for them against Losing Streak. They’re good on both sides of the ball, and they’re hard to beat. Grey Hair gets some props for really holding their own a bit in D1. They played a bit of a wacky schedule, and I think that hurt them a little overall, but Dave’s team has some talent as well. Grey Hair trots out the most “underrated” superstars in the league like Nick Voss and Amber Hay, and the strides George Lombardo and Jessie Kieta have made the last few seasons shouldn’t go unnoticed. Improving is a good thing, and hopefully they can run it back next season with more experience. LEGENDS BY 13

#3 Losing Streak (5-3) vs #6 Frodo Swaggins (3-5)

Points For: LS 35.63 (1st), FS 30.38 (4th)

Points Against: LS 27.38 (3rd), FS 36.50 (8th)

TSL Rank: LS 17th, FS 39th

Past Games: 60 - 45 Frodo

Line: Losing Streak (-3)

Finally, we start to get a little spicy here. Losing Streak trotted out the best offense in D1 this season, which should come as no surprise. Jordan has done a terrific job of filling his roster with talent this season. Everyone knows his males have been good, but Losing Streak needed a boost on the female side of things. Add Crystal and Robin to an improving Brit Matthews, and we’ve got ourselves a hell of a trio. This is the best team Jordan has put into the TSL to date, and I’m excited to see what they do now that things are getting real. Their first test? Frodo Swaggins, who had a hell of a season themselves to start, as Garrett really needed to figure out how being a D1 QB worked. Safe to say he’s found it. With Katie Swanson (alongside newcomers Tori and Sarah) playing well, and the consistently underrated Josh Schnieder, Blake Fisher, and Andrew Alessi doing great things on the field, Frodo has really earned some respect in D1. However, they have Losing Streak wide awake after that upset a couple of weeks ago, and they won’t be able to sneak up on them this time. LOSING STREAK BY 7

 

#4 Eyes Downtown (4-4) vs #5 Tight Ends In Motion (3-5)

Points For: ED 30.25 (5th), TEIM 22.88 (7th)

Points Against: ED 28.75 (5th), TEIM 28.13 (4th)

TSL Rank: ED 27th, TEIM 32nd

Past Games: 19 - 8 ED, 42 - 34 ED

Line: Eyes Downtown (-7)

There’s nothing quite like a 4-5 seed matchup in the TSL playoffs, and this game is no different. Bobby has righted the ship after some early struggles, and ED is playing pretty good football. The team is a little different than it used to be, but everyone has still bought in to “doing their job” (Blase LaDuca, for instance, is thriving as a pass rusher) and so many talented females on one roster, alongside a QB who’s been doing this for forever, ED looks to make some noise this playoff season. TEIM isn’t having their best season, and that’s okay. There were always going to be some growing pains as they adjusted to Andy Smigiera at QB. This team still has all the talent in the world, it’s just been more about getting everyone on the same page. The experience they gained this season will be incredibly helpful in the Fall. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 10

D2:

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

 

The Contenders:

 

The Untouchaballs (2-1)

No Punt Intended (4-1)

Mavericks (8-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Freeballers (15-1)

Practice Squad (20-1)

 

The Story:  It’s not much of a story because we only had 5 teams in D2 this time around. The Untouchaballs have been SO GOOD on defense and that’s helped them finish first overall. After a close loss (on the last play, I think) to start the season, UT hasn’t lost since. NPI has looked very good with Travis throwing. The Mavs have been a fun team, scoring a bunch of points, but looking a little lost on the defensive side of things at times. The Freeballers have had an up and down season, mostly due to a QB injury to Dylan who was out for the season, but now he’s not apparently. And Practice Squad lost a LOT of close games this season. After last year, where they finished last and won the whole damn thing, I refuse to count them out. 

#4 Freeballers (3-5) vs #5 Practice Squad (0-8)

Points For: FB 26.50 (4th), PS 23.25 (5th)

Points Against: FB 31.25 (4th), PS 35.88 (5th)

TSL Rank: FB 37th, PS 50th

Past Games: 34 - 29 FB, 30 - 21 FB

Line: Freeballers (-6)

The D2 “Play in” game has a lot of intrigue. As I said before, the Freeballers had to deal with a QB injury that messed with their season. They have their usual talent on the roster, but then they added Brit Clarke and Adrian Cannon to the squad. They definitely had higher hopes, and it all just kind of fell apart on them. But, Dylan’s back, and I think they have something starting to cook here. Practice Squad might’ve just run out of juice. They won D6. They lost D5 in OT. They won D4. They finished 8th and won D3. They have no reason to hang their heads at this lost season. But that’s not how they work. They’re still the same talented team that won D3, and there’s ZERO reason they can’t do it again. Look for B to be locked in here, and big games from their girls can go a long way. Perhaps they rush their fastest player to put pressure on the injured QB? Might work. This will be a close one. FREEBALLERS BY 1

D3:

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

 

The Contenders:

 

Jabronies (4-1)

Can’t Touch This (5-1)

Bullet Club (5-1)

Let’s Get Reccked (5-1)

Wanderers (5-1)

Itches and Ohs (5-1)

Degeneration Sexy (6-1)

Vaspian (6-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

None. 

 

The Story: If the TSL could create a “perfect” league, there would be 8 teams in each division, and they’d all be exactly how D3 has been this season. Every single team in this division has a shot at winning the title. Would you be surprised if Vaspian won the title? Maybe, but you shouldn’t be. They were only a few points away from being 5-3. And they finished 8th? The Jabronies have earned the best odds going into the playoffs, as they walked out of the regular season with the best offense and defense rankings wise, but they also lost to the 5th and 6th seeds this year. Everyone has had some good wins, bad losses, and everything in between. The playoffs in D3 are going to be crazy. 

 

#1 Jabronies (6-2) vs #8 Vaspian (2-5-1)

Points For: Jabronies 35.86 (1st), Vaspian 26.50 (8th)

Points Against: Jabronies 26.71 (1st), Vaspian 30.13 (4th)

TSL Rank: Jabronies 9th, Vaspian 41st

Past Games: 27 - 26 Jabronies

Line: Jabronies (-7) 

 

These two met a few weeks ago and the Jabronies were lucky to escape with a 1 point win. That’s how close the margin is here. Joe Miano has been slinging the ball all over the field, which is a lot easier when you have Eric and Bro Klecker out there catching the ball. The rest of the team are no slouches either. Meanwhile Vaspian has had a typical Vaspian season: they play REALLY good defense and keep the game score low. The addition of Drew Colosimo, of course, has been a big help, but their females have all been low key good as well. If the defense can get a turnover or two, Vaspian can do this. And I mean, there’s no way all the 1 seeds survive anyway. VASPIAN BY 2

 

#2 Can’t Touch This (5-3) vs #7 Degeneration Sexy (3-5)

Points For: CTT 35.25 (2nd), D-Sex 31.00 (3rd)

Points Against: CTT 31.13 (5th), D-Sex 36.13 (8th)

TSL Rank: CTT 18th, D-Sex 38th

Past Games: 42 - 32 CTT

Line: Can’t Touch This (-8)

 

Can’t Touch This has had another awesome season, as all of the players on the team continue to grow into pretty good footballers. They’ve taken an 0-2 start and have gone 5-1 since. CTT only gets themselves into trouble when they rely too much on the long ball, and this season has seen them get a pretty good mix going. D-Sex has just been cruising along this season, before really ramping it up the last few weeks. They’re scoring a lot of points and playing much better defense. Scotty Dro has been quite good, which isn’t hard to be when you have a lot of Kellers around you. This game is going to be close (take the over if you’re betting) and I spent a lot of time thinking about who will win. At the end of the day, give me the team with the best female, and that’s Katie Keller without a doubt. DEGENERATION SEXY BY 2

 

#3 Bullet Club (4-4) vs #6 Let’s Get Reccked (3-4-1)

Points For: BC 28.13 (6th), LGR 30.00 (5th)

Points Against: BC 29.50 (3rd), LGR 27.50 (2nd)

TSL Rank: BC 20th, LGR 30th

Past Games: 24 - 22 LGR

Line: EVEN

 

This has Game of the Day potential right here. These two teams are pretty even across the board. They score about the same, they allow about the same. Their one game this season was a late comeback win for LGR by 2 points. Both teams have played mostly close games all year, and both teams’ “anomalies” were against the Jabronies. If you take away BC’s 54-8 loss to Jabronies two weeks ago, they were on track to have the best defense in D3. The other 3 losses were by a combined 5 points. There’s talent on the BC side with Pistol Pete, Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes, Nick Buczek, and “maybe he should give up QB and just play WR” John Langley. LGR trots out Alex Buchlis, Dave Baker, and Ricky Recckio. BC may have a slight edge with their females. This feels like a game that should go down to the wire. BULLET CLUB BY 1

 

#4 Wanderers (4-4) vs #5 Itches and Ohs (4-4)

Points For: Wanderers 30.63 (4th), Ohs 27.86 (7th)

Points Against: Wanderers 32.13 (7th), Ohs 31.29 (6th)

TSL Rank: Wanderers 21st, Ohs 22nd

Past Games: 26 - 20 Wanderers

Line: EVEN

 

Oh wait, THIS might be the Game of the Day. Two teams that play very smart, take their time, and like having the ball in their hands to end the game. The Wanderers have been nothing short of fun to watch this season, as just about every single game they’ve had has come down to the wire. Frank might be from a different planet, but there’s nothing you can say about his play. He can QB with the best of them. Of course it helps when you have players like Sal and Nick there for you every week. The TSL doesn’t know enough about Tiffany and Laura either, they can really play. The whole team can. Itches and Ohs knows about them though. Steve Moser is a very good QB. You know exactly what he’s going to do: Throw to Rylee, walk down the field, and score on 5th or 6th down. He doesn’t love going deep, he loves running the clock down and controlling as much of the game as possible. It’s worked for him. He has a very solid complement of males as well in Jeremy, Andrew, and Colorado Mike. This is a smart team, and smart goes a long way in the TSL. They’re both smart. Someone film this entire game, it’ll be a good one. ITCHES AND OHS BY 1

D4:

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

 

The Contenders:

 

Buffalo Vice (3-1)

Cunning Stunts (4-1)

Puckett All-Stars (4-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (6-1)

BAADies (6-1)

 

The “We Have John Langley So Who Knows What Will Happen”s

 

Travis Henry’s Kids (13-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Cobblestone (17-1)

Creekers (100000-1)

 

The Story: Buffalo Vice’s midseason slip up against Cobblestone took them off everyone’s radar before two massive wins over Puckett put them back on the map, and painted a target on their backs. The gender teams, in their first three games, were 1-2 (Stunts) and 0-3 (BAADies). Since then? They’ve gone 9-1, and the one loss was the Stunts beat the BAADies. They’ve been on a tear, and this entire division should be scared. Puckett were the early darlings with some absolute whippings they were putting on people, but they’ve since come down to Earth and have been a little humbled by the two losses to Vice. PWI just continues to roll along, getting better, and doing what they do best: lurking as they enter the playoffs. THK is CLOSE to the teams above them, but they’re missing one piece to really get things moving in the right direction. Cobblestone can absolutely beat you if you sleep on them, but it’s hard to sleep on Darryl Carr QB Superstar. And the Creekers are here too. 

#1 Buffalo Vice (6-2) vs #8 Creekers (0-8)

Points For: Vice 39.88 (2nd), Creekers 19.71 (8th)

Points Against: Vice 30.50 (2nd), Creekers 41.43 (8th)

TSL Rank: Vice 6th, Creekers 52nd

Past Games: 44 - 14 Vice

Line: Buffalo Vice (-20)

 

I’m sorry, the Creekers. I feel bad that a new team with potential got put into a division they weren’t ready for, and I fear it sullied your experience. You have talent, but its talent that needs to figure out how Social Co-Ed Touch Football works. You have budding superstar Mullet Guy. You wear Yellow which is pretty cool. Go to D6, start from the bottom, and work your way up. It’s worth it. The football is just as good. As for you, Buffalo Vice. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize the magic you guys were showing earlier in the season and that’s on me. Andy Clark is slinging it better than ever, and it’s reminding me of the days of the “not too long ago” that you guys routinely threw up a bunch of points. The names mostly remain the same: All world Caitlyn Mason is here, and Amy is as well. Dan Gonzalez, Frank Pizza are too. The team is ready for a title. Is this the year? BUFFALO VICE BY 17

 

#2 Cunning Stunts (6-2) vs #7 Cobblestone (2-6)

Points For: CS 37.29 (4th), Cobblestone 24.25 (7th)

Points Against: CS 31.71 (3rd), Cobblestone 32.75 (5th)

TSL Rank: CS 10th, Cobblestone 47th

Past Games: 35 - 26 CS

Line: Cunning Stunts (-10)

 What a treat! We have one of the greatest QB matchups the TSL gods could ever get us as Joey Batts takes on Darryl Carr QB Superstar! That alone is worth the watch. The Stunts come into the playoffs on a 5 game winning streak, and they’re looking really good. They’re beating everyone and it isn’t even close. While we see how good the offense is, the defense might be even better right now. Cobblestone has some talent in AD, Lesean, and Donte but they just haven’t been able to put it all together. Sadly, their girls aren’t at the level of the Clarkes, Kelly, Katie, Renee, etc and we all know that the only way to really beat the Stunts is with gender TDs to keep pace. CUNNING STUNTS BY 14

 

#3 Puckett All-Stars (5-2-1) vs #6 Travis Henry’s Kids (3-5)

Points For: PAS 42.00 (1st), THK 34.38 (6th)

Points Against: PAS 27.86 (1st), THK 39.13 (7th)

TSL Rank: PAS 12th, THK 36th

Past Games: 48 - 18 PAS

Line: Puckett All-Stars (-10)

 

It’s crazy to think that Puckett has the best offense AND defense in D4, yet they’re currently the 3 seed. Regardless, All We Do Is Puckett is playing really well, as long as they don’t play Buffalo Vice. There is some cause for concern however. In their first 5 games, Puckett didn’t score less than 46 points. In their last two? They’ve scored only 46. It seems like teams are catching up to them a little bit. Either way shout out to Puckett for a great season with what looks like mostly the same roster they’ve been trotting out for a few seasons now. They’re really starting to gel. THK goes as Langley goes. It isn’t even a joke. If John is “on”, they can be really good. We saw it in last year’s playoffs when they upset the Stunts. Having Pete and Aaron is huge (literally), and for THK it just always comes down to its girl play. Mackenzie Klun is fantastic, but the rest of the THK ladies are so up and down it's hard to get a read on them. If they come to play, THK will make this a game. I’m just not sure it’ll be enough. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 6

 

#4 Passing While Intoxicated (5-2-1) vs #5 BAADies (4-4)

Points For: PWI 36.29 (5th), BAADies 37.50 (3rd)

Points Against: PWI 31.71 (3rd), BAADies 35.88 (6th)

TSL Rank: PWI 13th, BAADies 26th

Past Games: 41 - 36 PWI

Line: EVEN

 

PWI has had a heck of a season in D4 so far. They’ve been good, and they’re contenders for the title. Alex “Buddy” Lee has really become a good QB, and their ladies consistently get better each week. However, it seems like Colorado Mike’s squad can’t stay healthy. Every week they seem to lose another player to a season ending injury. Eventually that takes its toll. They get the pleasure of taking on a BAADies team that’s 4-1 in their last 5 games, and taking away their loss to the Stunts, They’re averaging 54.33 points in the last month. In other words, they figured it out. A very hot gender team against a very banged up squad isn’t a recipe for success. BAADIES BY 10

 

D5: 

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

 

The Contenders:

 

GUCCI (3-1)

Come From Behind (3-1)

Interdimensional Lighting Falcons (7-1)

Tater Tots (10-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Long Balls (12-1)

TMA (15-1)

Not So Sticky (15-1)

Goatsack! (18-1)

 

The Story: GUCCI comes back to the TSL after a season off and knocks the regular season out of the park. Come From Behind continues to do what they do best, win games. ILF and Tater Tots shook off some early struggles to get to .500. Long Balls had some life in their first season. TMA lost a few close games and are on a 6 game losing streak. Not So Sticky struggles with offense, Goatsack struggles with defense. This really feels like a two horse race this season. 

 

#1 GUCCI (7-1) vs #8 TMA (2-6)

Points For: GUCCI 31.63 (2nd), TMA 22.50 (6th)

Points Against: GUCCI 21.88 (3rd), TMA 26.88 (6th)

TSL Rank: GUCCI 5th, TMA 49th

Past Games: 30 - 26 TMA

Line: GUCCI (-7)

GUCCI has been incredible all season, going to 7-1 and winning a lot of close games. Kelly Kane has been dialed in all season, and when she’s hot, everyone else is in trouble. GUCCI is incredibly consistent, there are no wild swings in Points For, which means they have a specific plan in mind and they’re sticking to it. Plus, they’re all a family. Listen to Kelly rave about her team on the newest podcast. They’re locked in, and they only had one hiccup this season. That hiccup? A 30-26 loss to TMA in Week 1. These two teams have gone in dramatically different directions since, but GUCCI isn’t forgetting that loss. TMA knew they’d have a tough time replacing all of the talent (and height!) they lost. It’s not easy losing 5ish starters from a roster, even if you have the players in house to step in for them. They’re not your typical 8 seed. They have 3 losses of 4 points or less. They very easily could’ve been the 3rd seed if a couple of bounces went their way. Val’s crew still has Ryan Henry behind center, and if he can get back to what worked in the first two games of this season, anything is possible, but it looks like an early exit for TMA. GUCCI BY 12

 

#2 Come From Behind (6-2) vs #7 Not So Sticky (3-5)

Points For: CFB 33.13 (1st), NSS 17.63 (8th)

Points Against: CFB 19.00 (1st), NSS 24.00 (4th)

TSL Rank: CFB 7th, NSS 40th

Past Games: 34 - 23 CFB

Line: Come From Behind (-10)

 

What do you get when a VERY good defense meets a pretty inept offense? Well, we’re about to find out. Come From Behind has been awesome on both sides of the football and they’ve held opponents to 2 scores or less 4 times this season. Paul Lovullo still throws the ball harder than anyone in the league, and like they have for a decade now, Molly, Leslie, and Jen are there to catch it. Yes, they have an influx of younger talent, but nobody cares about that. Not So Sticky has some of the nicest, most fun people in the league with Hot Vodka, Carly, Heidi, Paul Scinta, and Mike Thomas just to name a few. But being nice and scoring points aren’t correlated. QB Rags has been pretty awful at times, and this team clearly needs Christine back as soon as possible. This was arguably the worst possible matchup for NSS in the first round, hopefully they can make a game of it. COME FROM BEHIND BY 17

#3 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (4-4) vs #6 Goatsack! (3-5)

Points For: ILF 25.13 (4th), Goatsack! 21.50 (7th)

Points Against: ILF 21.63 (2nd), Goatsack! 33.38 (8th)

TSL Rank: ILF 24th, Goatsack! 33rd

Past Games: 43 - 28 ILF

Line: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (-8)

 

ILF had a rough start to the season when Joe Miano defected to the Jabronies and Karl Smith chose Not So Sticky. This left Andrew to play QB and the results were mixed. Instead they made a change at QB and the team has looked a little more dangerous. Ethan has been good, but so has Alex Baker. The ladies have all stepped up at different times and ILF is poised to make a run heading into the playoffs. Goatsack has had an up and down season. They had shutout losses to start and end the season, lost a couple of one score games, and pulled out a couple wins in the middle of the year. It's not the best season, but it's something to build on.  INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 10

 

#4 Tater Tots (3-4-1) vs #5 Long Balls (3-4-1)

Points For: TT 27.25 (3rd), LB 22.63 (5th)

Points Against: TT 26.13 (5th), LB 28.50 (7th)

TSL Rank: TT 28th, LB 29th

Past Games: 36 - 36 TIE

Line: Tater Tots (-6)

 

The 4-5 seed matchup features two teams that tied during the regular season and are ranked 28 and 29 in the TSL rankings. They have the same 3-4-1 record. But that’s about where the similarities end. The Tater Tots are much better than their record shows, and they possess a better offense and defense over the Long Balls. The Tots have Derek Pew throwing the ball all over the place, and Dave Marcus finally has his team dialed in. Drunk Meg has been playing some of her best football this season. The Long Balls have athletes, but they’re still figuring out how to be more consistent overall. They’re led by Buddy Lee and Jimmy Hearn, so they have players who have been there before. They’re going to get better and better as time goes on. TATER TOTS BY 3

 

D6:

 

Odds To Win The Championship: 

 

The Contenders:

 

Southside (2-1)

Two Tuddies (3-1)

Grass Eaters (5-1)

 

The Talented Middle Teams That Could Surprise:

 

Sausage McMuffins (10-1)

Blitzkrieg (12-1)

Balls Deep (18-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Mighty Drunks (25-1)

Pit Harade (30-1)

Back That Pass Up (100-1)

The Story: Southside and Two Tuddies have been beating up on the competition as both look to go to D5 regardless next season. The Grass Eaters are being sneaky sitting at 5-3. The Sausage McMuffins were a great story early in the season but have since fallen off. Blitzkrieg and Balls Deep have been inconsistent. Mighty Drunks and Pit Harade have shown promise at times in the season but are ways away from competing for the title. Back That Pass Up had a very rough season that didn’t get any better with injuries. 

#8 Mighty Drunks (2-6) vs #9 Back That Pass Up (0-8)

Points For: MD 24.25 (7th), BTPU (9th) 

Points Against: MD 32.13 (7th), BTPU 36.13 (8th)

TSL Rank: MD 46th, BTPU 51st

Past Games: 28 - 0 MD

Line: Mighty Drunks (-10)

 

These two teams get to play a “play in” game of sorts and the winner gets to meet up with Southside an hour later. That doesn’t sound fun at all. BTPU didn’t have the season they envisioned when Alex started this team with Jeff May at QB and league sweetheart Tammy Buczek on board as well. Things didn’t go as planned, obviously, with injuries and missed games not helping the team gel the way they wanted to. The Drunks, however, overcame a rough start and have really figured things out as the season went on. Jill Dibble and Kenny Shearer have put together a team that’s not one you’re going to want to play in the playoffs. Cam almost seems uncoverable. There’s a lot to like with these Drunks. MIGHTY DRUNKS BY 20

 

#1 Southside (7-1) vs #8/9 Seed Play In Winner

Points For: SS 37.00 (1st) 

Points Against: SS 15.38 (1st)

TSL Rank: SS 2nd

Past Games: 43 - 12 SS (BTPU), 27 - 18 SS (MD)

Line: Southside (-10) (Drunks), (-20) (BTPU)

Southside hasn’t just been good, they’ve been great. A weird loss to Balls Deep ruined what should’ve been a perfect season. Tyler Cienmy can do whatever he wants behind center. The Gemmati sisters (I think) both hold their own. Sam Pezzino plays lock down defense. Everyone does something on this team and they do it well. Southside should probably get the Drunks who have been playing VERY well, and pose a little matchup issue for them (Southside only won by 9 not too long ago), but for the most part they should be fine. SOUTHSIDE BY 7 VS DRUNKS, SOUTHSIDE BY 30 VS BACK THAT PASS UP. 

 

#2 Two Tuddies (7-1) vs #7 Pit Harade (2-6)

Points For: TT 32.71 (3rd), PH 21.63 (8th)

Points Against: TT 17.14 (2nd), PH 37.00 (9th)

TSL Rank: TT 3rd, PH 42nd

Past Games: 42 - 0 TT

Line: Two Tuddies (-14)

 

 

If Southside didn’t exist, we’d be talking about how the Tuddies should be walking into D5 regardless of how the playoffs shake out (and they probably should anyway). Ever since Nick Stutzman stepped in at QB, the Tud Buds have been playing better and better. They have a bunch of great players in Chris Wolcott, Valentino Tomasello, and Sarah Palazza. They have fun and they’ve figured it out. Hard to believe they were 0-9-1 not too long ago. Pit Harade has had an up and down season. They started off well, but they have since had a QB carousel of sorts that has really thrown them off course. Not having Nick Hawes or promising newcomer Rayanna for most of the season has hurt, but there’s still some silver linings. Jen and Ashley have been very good for PH and are better than most of the males on the team. Tall Bearded Guy (who I guess is named Mike) is always making plays. Tyler Bielec shows flashes of potential when on the field. Once they figure out how to play defense, they’ll be on the right path. At the very least, they can compete with anyone at the bar. TWO TUDDIES BY 17

 

#3 Sausage McMuffins (5-3) vs #6 Blitzkrieg (3-5)

Points For: SM 27.14 (5th), BK 25.75 (6th) 

Points Against: SM 25.71 (3rd), BK 27.00 (4th)

TSL Rank: SM 14th, BK 35th 

Past Games: 23 - 15 SM

Line: Sausage McMuffins (-2)

The Sausage McMuffins have awesome reversible jerseys and were the talk of the TSL when they were undefeated and taking the league by storm. Since then, they’ve seemed to come back down to Earth a bit. Alex Hill’s team still has a ton of potential being led by Eric Pochylski, but there’s something missing right now that I’m not sure what it is. Speaking of not living up to their potential, they play a Blitzkrieg team that’s having its worst regular season in what feels like forever. Sometimes the bounces don’t go your way, and I think that’s what they’re experiencing at this point. This game is going to be very close. Get Light Red Hoodie Guy out there and make him do what he does best, make plays. All too often, BK has been on the opposite end of a matchup like this and lost. Now it's their turn. BLITZKRIEG BY 7

 

#4 Grass Eaters (5-3) vs #5 Balls Deep (5-3)

Points For: GE 33.50 (2nd), BD 29.00 (4th) 

Points Against: GE 27.00 (4th), BD 30.13 (6th)

TSL Rank: GE 15th, BD 19th

Past Games: 39 - 22 GE

Line: Grass Eaters (-6)

 

The Grass Eaters are underrated as a 4 seed, and it took a dumb suspension for them to be ranked this low. As you can see, the Moser clan has the 2nd best offense in D6, and they should. They run the Itches and ohs offense (throw to Rylee) with a different supporting cast. That isn’t to say Eric, Matt, Mike, Hailey, and Ryan aren’t capable. They are. But as long as Rylee is out there dusting D6 dudes as she’s been doing, it’ll be hard to stop them. Balls Deep feels like a team that’s CLOSE but not quite there. Yes, they beat Southside. But they also barely beat the Drunks, and they allowed 45 points to BTPU. They’re talented, with Baby Gronk rushing, and Payton and Ryan Rusin rocking on offense, so they’re capable, but I dont think their ladies can keep up. GRASS EATERS BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY: 

 

 

• Who are your championship picks going into Saturday? Now that we know the bracket, it's easier to envision. Right now I’d say: Legends, The Untouchaballs, Itches and Ohs, Buffalo Vice, Come From Behind, and Southside. 

 

 

 

• Which #1 seeds have the best chance to win, and which have the hardest path to victory? I’ll just list them all from best chance to worst: Southside, The Untouchaballs, GUCCI, Sticky Bandits, Buffalo Vice, Jabronies. 

 

 

 

• What’s your most likely upset pick? Most likely? Blitzkrieg over Sausage McMuffins. We’ll probably get two upsets in D3, but they probably don’t count as upsets given the closeness of the division. Don’t count out Practice Squad over Freeballers either.

 

 

 

• What’s your favorite long shot upset pick? The Mighty Drunks to upset Southside. I don’t think it’ll happen, but if we had a TSL betting app, that would be a GREAT one to take. They only lost by 9 points last time they played and they’ve gotten better. 

 

 

 

• Who’s the one upset you didn’t predict in the article that you really wanted to put? I wanted to put Frodo over Losing Streak so badly. Frodo just beat them by 15 and they’re playing really, really well. But my head wouldn’t let me. Losing Streak is good. Really good. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• I’ve seen that Buffalo has gotten a decent amount of rain this week. Hopefully the fields are a little less “concrete like” as I’ve been hearing. 

 

 

 

• YOUR GAMES WILL START ON TIME SO DON’T BE LATE. The league doesn’t want games starting super late, so we will NOT be waiting for players to show up. Get your team there early. If there’s some sort of overtime, we don’t want to push games too late. 

 

 

 

• Speaking of, go to the rulebook and brush up on the overtime rules just in case. We had a couple of ties and a good amount of 1-2 point games this year. I feel like OT is in our future. 

 

 

 

• Breakfast Club predictions: 

• BDSM 46, The ASS 28

• Steph Infection 37, Komosexuals 30

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Losing Streak vs Frodo Swaggins

• 11:00 - Wanderers vs Itches and Ohs

• 12:00 - PWI vs BAADies

• 1:00 - Tater Tots vs Long Balls

• 2:00 - Freeballers vs Practice Squad

• 3:00 - Sausage McMuffins vs Blitzkrieg

 

 

 

• The refs have been told to kick you out if you’re screaming at them. They aren’t going to go “easier” on you being a jerk because it’s the playoffs. Do NOT hurt your team by getting kicked out of the game. You’ve been warned. 

 

 

 

• In a perfect world, D4 has the top 3 seeds win, and the BAADies, so we can potentially have the Cunning Stunts vs BAADies championship we all want. 

 

 

 

• Do NOT message Jeff Krol, Travis, Joe K, Topper, B’s Brother, Elmo, Cookie Monster, Joey Batts, Girl On Crack, DJ Jimmy, or anyone else you think you might be able to sway: You get ZERO say in next week’s schedule, and it’ll be done in a way to minimize player conflicts, but nothing is guaranteed. Tell your team to clear their schedule now. 

 

 

 

• I heard that Lenny and Rameer Day was a very good success! Thank you to everyone that jumped into the dunk tank and participated in the fun! 

 

 

 

• If you have ANYTHING you want to talk about for next week’s playoff article, send it to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I want to know as much as I can from this week. Thank you in advance! 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL, The Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality begins NOW. Make it count.

-GF OUT

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