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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, welcome to Week 3 of the Spring 2024 season! Week 3 is important for a few reasons. First off, if you’re reading this and you DIDN’T sign a waiver, go do that right now or else you’re getting banned from the league for this season. And if you’re a team captain with an empty roster spot or two? Now’s the time to fill it. So what are you waiting for? (This opening paragraph of The Godfather may or may not have been sponsored by Jeff Krol, who kindly sent a bottle of my favorite scotch to me here in Des Moines, Iowa as a thank you for doing the article.) GO SIGN THE WAIVER. 

 

But league business aside, Week 3 is important because it's the first week of the season that we really get to see the beginnings of who’s a contender and who’s a pretender. At this point, teams have had two weeks to work out the early season kinks and shake off any rust that may have accumulated over the winter (unless of course you either played in the winter session, played in the minor leagues for winter, were still doing “two-a-days” with Bobby to stay in top shape, or a mix of some/all of the above) and they don’t have as many “outside” factors to use as excuses like “the weather” or “we didn’t have our full team yet!”. 

 

Of course, these guidelines still only apply to MOST of the TSL. There are always teams that after this week will look like absolute superstars where the road to the division championship is DEFINITELY going through them. And what happens? They lose a game here or there, end up a 3 seed in the playoffs, and get bounced by the 6 seed, who are better known right now as the “what is UP with that team and why are they 0-3??” who figures it out, gets hot, and makes noise in the playoffs. 

 

And that’s always been the beauty of this league. Your season is never really over. I point to the Practice Squad in D3 a few seasons ago: 0-8, 8th seed going into the playoffs. BOOM. Champions. And I’ll rip off an interesting stat I read in the TSL Power Rankings this week: last year Can’t Touch This was 6-0 and looking unstoppable. They’ve since been stopped, and are now 0-6 since then in TSL play. The biggest of yikes. 

 

While most of the veteran TSL players know all about this, we have so many new teams out there that I don’t want them to get frustrated as things don’t QUITE go their way throughout the season. The TSL 6 on 6 game is unique, and it takes a minute or two to really understand the ins and outs of strategy (and the rulebook). It’s just part of the process. 

GOOD NOT BAD

 

 

• Teams with “B” as their QB - Remember when Mayhem split up and B was just the ref on the sidelines who used to tell anyone who would listen that he used to be a good QB and someone just needed to give him a chance? And teams just wouldn’t? Then Practice Squad did, and they rattled off a bunch of championships? Now the Tater Tots have followed suit this season and are the toast of D4. B’s teams this season are a combined 4-1 already this season and he averages 32.8 points per game. He’s on a pace that, if we ever had a Summer Banquet, he’d be in line to win D3 and D4 QB of the year. He’d still finish about 5th in Ref of the Year votes though. Added bonus: He comes with league legend and one of the FOUR TSL Hall of Famers we have, B’s Brother. (The other 3, of course, are Lenny, Rameer, and Cookie Monster). 

 

 

 

• Mavericks - Don’t care. They’re scoring TONS of points, they have the look of a team that’s just on their way to a D2 title, provided that defense doesn’t do them in again. They’re scoring 46 points a game, but still allowing 27.3, which isn’t exactly the best. Can Mike Burke write an article for the website? Something like “Nice Guy’s Notes”? The vibes off this team are so good I can feel them in Iowa. 

 

 

 

• The Bird is the Word - Easily the MVP of Week 2, the super aggressive ‘get away from my eggs’ bird weaseled its way into the hearts of TSLers everywhere. 

 

 

 

• Ben Stack - “HOW COULD HE BE GOOD WHEN HE WAS BAD?!?” and “Isn’t he suspended?” are the most common internal responses TSLers will get when they read this. But, when your team supports you enough to make “Free Ben” shirts (which I got many pictures and emails about), that has to improve your stock a bit. Unlike. . . .

 

BAD NOT GOOD

 

 

• Blase - Intentional or not, there weren’t any “Free Blase” shirts being trotted out onto the fields last week. If I’m Blase, I’m a bit bitter about it internally. Rushers have feelings too! Did he ever pay Jeff for that cut out he destroyed at the banquet? 

 

 

 

• Can’t Touch This - 0-6 in their last 6. Not really sure what’s going on with them lately, but it seems like they need to figure things out, and soon. 

 

 

 

• Let’s Get Reccked - They’re 1-2, but the roster looks like it could compete in D1, according to their opponents. If that’s the case, they should probably be 3-0, but maybe that’s just me? Do better. I can only assume Dave Baker is letting them down somehow, but he’s also 62 years old. 

 

 

 

• Parking - I’ve been told it’s been pretty rough over there with the construction beginning on the Topperdome, so please, make sure you don’t take up 2-3 spots when you park and try to conserve space where you can. And be careful pulling out of the lot. 

 

 

GREAT

 

 

• Renee Lantz - Special category goes out to Renee who, from what Jeff has told me, took it upon herself to show up to the fields during the week last week and shoveled dirt into the holes in the fields, and planted grass too. Obviously her title as “TSL Lead Groundskeeper” was well earned. Bravo Renee!

 

 

D1

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits 35, Eyes Downtown 32

 

Now the suspensions make sense as the evil Jeff Krol puts Sticky in the best position to win and beat Eyes Downtown. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Eyes Uptown vs Sticky Bandits (EVEN) - Hard to give either team points in this head to head matchup as the Legends will be missing a couple of key players like Sean and Mr. Ground and Pound himself, Mike Boccio. That’s not to say Sticky wouldn’t have competed anyway, as these two teams usually find themselves in one score games. It’ll be another close one, but it’s a way better storyline if the Krol Krew (I hate that) keeps winning over the teams he made shorthanded. STICKY BANDITS BY 7

 

Eyes Uptown vs Frodo Swaggins (+6) - There’s still a clear divide between Frodo and the rest of D1, but again, it’s MUCH smaller than before. I expect a tight game here as well, but I can’t see the Uptown Girls going 0-2 on any day. EYES UPTOWN BY 4

 

Eyes Downtown vs Frodo Swaggins (+6) - Same thing for Eyes Downtown here. They’ll play a tight game with Frodo, but at the end of the day, ED will be too much for a Frodo team that just played a game. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 10

D2

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Freeballers 43, Can’t Touch This 20

Mavericks 62, The Untouchaballs 30

Scared Hitless 30, Puckett All-Stars 28

The Untouchaballs 33, Puckett All-Stars 20

 

The Freeballers look better than ever as they continue to get used to their new QB, beating CTT, but that’s nothing compared to what’s going on with the Cotton Candy Squad that is the Mavericks. They look good and they’re playing even better right now as they dismantled The Untouchaballs. UT would go on to end up 1-1 on the day with a two score win over Puckett, who had lost a nail biter to Scared Hitless earlier. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Freeballers vs Puckett All-Stars (+3) - Freeballers are slight favorites in this one, as these two teams are still settling in. Dave Eickhoff is doing his best Peyton Manning impression, going from a squad he was the face of for so long (Grey Hair Don’t Care/Colts) and now he’s trying to get a team with past glory over the hump (Freeballers/Broncos). So far so okay. Speaking of So far so okay, PAS is getting a LOT of fanfare and love despite being 0-3. They’re passing the eye test for lots of TSL onlookers. This one should be fun. Every time I pick the Freeballers they let me down, so PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 2

 

The Untouchaballs vs Can’t Touch This (+7) - It’s not too long ago that CTT was upsetting UT in the regular season that made CTT look like D2 contenders and that it was over for UT. Since then, CTT can’t win and UT are defending D2 champions. Burr, Helm, and company had a slow start last week, but found their groove in game two. CTT is all over the place right now. It doesn’t make sense, I know, but maybe I’m just a sucker for the Ryan/Ryhan couple with the same name power move. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 3

 

Scared Hitless vs Freeballers (EVEN) - This matchup seems delightful. Scared Hitless are sitting at 2-0, with two two point wins this season. SH has always been up and down, but everything lately has been feeling “up”. They might not be getting enough publicity, and should MAYBE be considered ‘dark horse’ D2 title favorites. A win over the Freeballers would go a long way. SCARED HITLESS BY 2

 

Mavericks vs The Untouchaballs (+10) - I don’t know what is bothering Burr more right now. That the Mavericks smoked them last week, or that he’s a double digit underdog. Every now and then the schedule makers for the TSL do something right, and we get a highly anticipated rematch where both teams have now shaken off the rust. I don’t expect the Mavericks to score 62 again, and I think the UT will get more than 30 from last week. But it won’t be enough. MAVERICKS BY 8

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

The Malones 48, Bullet Club 39

Practice Squad 33, Jabronies 31

Buffalo Vice 34, Topper’s All-Stars (and Todd!) 25

Keller Whales 33, Let’s Get Reccked 28

 

The Malones returned to the TSL after losing the D3 title game (some thought they’d move to D2 even!) and picked up mostly where they left off, pulling out a win over Bullet Club. The Jabronies returned to the TSL after a session off (Klecklers only come out in the spring it seems), and they picked up right where they left off, losing to Practice Squad. Buffalo Vice continues to show moving up won’t be an issue for them as they fended off Topper for a win, and then finally the Kellers just keep winning, this time at the expense of LGR. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Let’s Get Reccked vs Jabronies (+8) - A fun little mini-rivalry game as the players on these two teams have battled back and forth for decades, probably. Both teams want to win this one badly, which can only mean one thing: They’ll tie 28-28. But that’s boring so I’m going to pick a winner and at this point you can’t ignore the talent on LGR’s side of things, so let’s roll with that. LET’S GET RECCKED BY 12

 

Wanderers vs Topper’s All Stars and Todd (+7) - The Wanderers vs Topper, just one of the best long term storytelling narratives Social Co-Ed football could come up with. However, if you listened to the TSL Podcast, it appears Topper isn’t going to be throwing and will be heading to Florida after the game for what I can only assume will be stem cell therapy to get his body back on track. TASTY hasn’t been bad at all in their return, and it’s a long season, as the bulk of this article made pretty clear earlier. But right now the Wanderers have got things cooking. WANDERERS BY 7

 

Practice Squad vs Bullet Club (EVEN) - You know how we like talking about Practice Squad’s run from 0-8 to the D3 title? The #1 seed in D3 that season that they upset? Bullet Club. BC is a partially different team from that time (and they’re on their 3rd QB since), and some rough starts to games have put them in a 0-2 hole to start the year. If they can start out how they’ve finished games, they can take this one. BULLET CLUB BY 3

 

The Malones vs Buffalo Vice (EVEN) - The Malones are essentially an updated version of Buffalo Vice. Throw it deep, throw it far, and let your WRs go get it. This could be a 60-57 final, as both teams have fantastic females as well. This feels like a ‘who blinks first’ type of game. THE MALONES BY 5

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Passing While Intoxicated 24, Cobblestone 14

Creekers 47, ILF 31

Tater Tots 57, The Roaring 20s 16

Reset Warriors 41, Vaspian 34

 

PWI returned to the fields this week, and they played a typical PWI game. Use up the clock, play smart, and outscore whoever is across from them. The Creekers figured out how to play football again after a week off, roasting the Lighting Falcons for their first D4 win of the season. The Tots continue to punish whoever lines up against them, nearly putting up 60 on TR20, to move to 2-0. And the Reset Warriors get their first win, beating Vaspian. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tater Tots vs Cobblestone (+14) - The “blowout alert” of the week comes at 10am this week as the Hot Tots look to beat up on Cobblestone, who have had a slow start to the season. Darryl Carr QB Superstar , is still looking for his first win of the season, as his teammates continue to let him down, as is usually the case (We know it’s not you Darryl!). I find it hard to believe that win will come against the league’s hottest team. TATER TOTS BY 10

 

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons vs Passing While Intoxicated (+6) - ILF vs PWI, a game with sneaky underlying “championship preview?” vibes, should be a good one. These teams have put on good games before, and I expect nothing less from them this time out. I’d like to see a little more from PWI this season, and it feels like RIGHT NOW ILF is the better team. That may be different come Week 6 or so, but for now. INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 7

 

Cunning Stunts vs ILF (EVEN) - I’m not writing it all out twice Andrew. The Stunts are back after a week off, and they get a pretty good challenge in ILF, but they’re lucking out since ILF will have just played a game. Everyone and their sister knows what the Stunts are all about, it’ll just come down to if ILF can stop them or not. Despite ILF thinking they’re able to hang with the Stunts, their chickens will be coming home to roost. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12

 

Cunning Stunts vs PWI (+6) - I’m not writing it all out twice Colorado Mike. Both teams will be playing their second game of the day after playing the same opponent (ILF) earlier in the day. PWI and their defense always gives the ladies fits, it’ll just come down to whether or not PWI can get enough gender TDs to keep up. They can’t. CUNNING STUNTS BY 15

 

Creekers vs Reset Warriors (+7) - The Creekers snapped out of whatever the issue was for them in Week 1 in a big way, tossing up 47 points on ILF and reassuring Creeker fans everywhere that they’re going to be just fine in D4. The Reset Warriors got their first win ever over Vaspian last week, one week after hanging with the Stunts as well. The Warriors might be the real thing, and a win here for them would truly put them on the map. But, not just yet. CREEKERS BY 4

 

Vaspian vs The Roaring 20s (+7) - TR20 continues to go through the growing pains that brand new teams experience, but the schedule makers didn’t do them any favors either, giving them ILF and the Tater Tots the first two weeks of the season. Those two teams are arguably the smartest in the division (with the Stunts) so it makes sense why they picked TR20 apart. Vaspian is rolling out a slightly different roster than we’re used to seeing (BRING BACK BRIAN O!) and while they’re gelling, TR20 may be able to sneak one out here. THE ROARING 20s BY 1

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

TMA 38, Two Tuddies 33

Power Puff Girls 42, Not So Sticky 34

Travis Henry’s Kids 49, Come From Behind 14

GUCCI 35, Come From Behind 14

 

TMA gets their first win in a while, beating the D6 champion Tuddies and keeping them winless in D5 so far. The PPGs had a breakout game of sorts, running all over the NSS crew to get their first win of the season. In the other games, Come From Behind was shorthanded, playing 3 females, AND missing rocket armed handsome QB Paul Lovullo, which means they went 0-2 in their doubleheader against THK and GUCCI. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind vs TMA (+8) - TMA is back on track as they jumped into the win column already this season. That shouldn’t come as a surprise, as long time TMA QB Ryan is still there, and as long as he has the sure handed catch machine that is Ron Webber to go along with the rest of the talented guys there, (and Brent too!) they’ll be just fine. Not to mention they have some talented females who are definitely better than they think they are, and we’ve seen how good TMA can be when they all have confidence. With that said, they get CFB who is stinging from the rough doubleheader from last week, and they’re all going to be focused on righting the ship (provided people show up for them). COME FROM BEHIND BY 2

 

Stir The Sauce vs Not So Sticky (EVEN) - STS looked every bit the part of a D5 contender in Week 1, but then had Week 2 off so we couldn’t tell if it was a fluke or not. They get Not So Sticky, who might be the toughest team to ever get a read on. A 1pm game could mean they’re more focused on huggie bombs and fun, but they also just might want to win the game too. Naturally they’re 1-1 with a 0 Point differential, so I don’t know what we’re getting from them just yet this season. I’ll assume the huggie bombs and fun. STIR THE SAUCE BY 8

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Balls Deep 18, Blitzkrieg 16

Back That Pass Up 50, Mighty Drunks 41

Pit Harade 15, Just Joshing 6

Sausage McMuffins 48, Dogg Pound 8

 

Balls Deep snuck out a win over Blitzkrieg in a hell of a game, one that we could see again in the playoffs. Back That Pass Up had an offensive explosion against the Mighty Drunks, and it’s starting to seem more and more like last year’s playoff run wasn’t a fluke at all. The other D6 teams need to start taking notice. Pit Harade moved to 2-0 with a 15-6 win over Just Joshing where they won only having 5 players. Lastly, the McMuffins gave a rough welcome to the Dogg Pound, beating them by 40. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Balls Deep vs Pit Harade (EVEN) - D6s two 2-0 teams battle it out for the early season D6 lead. PH beat Balls Deep last season in a very close game, but right now I think BD is the better team. BD is 2-0 beating a much improved BTPU and then getting by “always a bridesmaid but never a bride” in the mix always Blitzkrieg. PH got the two brand new teams in the Dogg Pound and Just Joshing, which hasn’t been the toughest road. Both teams are very good, but Balls Deep is a little more battle tested currently. BALLS DEEP BY 10

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) - The McMuffins looked GOOD in Week 2, even though they allowed more points compared to Week 1. Blitzkrieg had a BATTLE with Balls Deep, a week after beating the Sticky Laces. This should be a good game for both sides, and with these teams being in the mix for the #1 seed, this tiebreaker is important. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 8

 

Blitzkrieg vs Mighty Drunks (EVEN) - The Drunks always continue to confuse me. I never know what to expect from them. A week after a 25-6 win over JJ, they proceeded to throw up 41 points and still lose 50-41 to BTPU. The Drunks may have the widest range of potential outcomes for any game out of all the teams in the TSL. It’s hard to believe in them. It’s not hard to believe in Light Red Hoodie Guy. BLITZKRIEG BY 10

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Sticky Laces (+7) - Sticky Laces is a “new to the TSL team” but not really a “new team”, so they know what they’re doing. Or at least I think they do. I fully expect them to compete in most games, even if there’s still an adjustment or two to the “TSL” game to be made. I believe the McMuffins are the better team right now, but give the Laces a few more weeks and that could change. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 6

 

Dogg Pound vs Just Joshing (+6) - Two brand new D6 teams facing off in Week 3? Sounds like an NFL midseason Thursday night football game to me! Wild things are going to happen here. Just Joshing threw approximately 10 interceptions last week despite the other team only having 5 players. Dogg Pound might not be able to throw the ball further than 15 yards. Defense is still being figured out! ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! Jokes aside, both teams have athletes and this is the game where BOTH sides can really figure things out. Perhaps the TSL should start assigning mentors to help new teams? Could that be a thing? Someone get B’s Brother on the phone! As for the game, the DP feels a little more “on the right track” than JJ, but barely. DOGG POUND BY 1. 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• How important is seeding for the playoffs anyway? Considering the amount of upsets the TSL has in the playoffs, if you have a shot at a bye week (like in D2 this season) you should work for it. But even in D3, D4, and D6, getting the #1 seed means you’ll be playing the winners of the #8-#9 seed ‘play in’ game, and that’s an advantage of course to play a team that JUST played when you’re fully rested.  

 

 

 

• What current first place team and current last place team won’t be there when the playoffs come? The Tater Tots are hot right now, but there’s a lot of talent in that division, and they could dip around the #3 seed come playoff time in D4. I think it goes without saying that Come From Behind won’t end up as the #8 seed in D5. 

 

 

 

• What’s one of the most interesting subplots of Week 3? I actually think it has to be the D4 Triple Threat match that’s happening between ILF, PWI, and the Stunts. All three of these teams have title aspirations, and they’re all legit. Any team that can come out 2-0 (and maybe even look dominant in doing so) establishes themselves as the team to beat in D4. 

 

 

 

• Any other teams that can benefit from a big Week 3? Blitzkrieg may have lost to Balls Deep, but going 2-0 against the Drunks and the McMuffins rocket them right back up the standings. The Untouchaballs getting their win back in a big way over the Mavericks would establish them as still the team to beat. 

 

 

 

• What happens if the bird attacks us this week? Don’t attack the bird! Let it be, and just avoid the nest area so you don’t have to fight it. You won’t win. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• Breakfast Club seems to be highly competitive which is always good for everyone. Nothing is worse than when BC has a team that is too good or too bad. 

 

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions: 

• Dri’s Company 40, Jeneva Conventions 30

• Steph Infection 37, Breakfast Club (Trish’s Version) 34

• Mistymeanors 34, D’s Nutz 30

 

 

 

• Games of the Week: 

• 10:00 - Balls Deep vs Pit Harade

• 11:00 - Bullet Club vs Practice Squad

• 12:00 - ILF vs PWI

• 1:00 - The Untouchaballs vs Can’t Touch This

• 2:00 - Freeballers vs Scared Hitless

• 3:00 - Creekers vs Reset Warriors

 

 

 

• We have a full slate of games this week, so do your best to get to the fields early so that we don’t let any field get too far behind in terms of time. 

 

 

 

• It seems that rain is in the forecast for more of the afternoon games, but it’ll be about 63 degrees, which is perfect football weather. 

 

 

 

• Three teams that need a win this week: Bullet Club, Toppers All-Stars and Todd, Come From Behind

 

 

 

• For the last time, make sure everyone on your team has signed a waiver. Don’t get mad when the Krol Patrol kicks people who didn’t do it off your field. 

 

 

 

• I wonder if the TSL is going to have the Animal Shelter bring some dogs again, I heard that was a big hit. 

 

 

 

• Remember that there are a lot of new teams, refs, and players out there, so try not to freak out on them for making mistakes or anything like that. The best part of the TSL Family is the ‘family’ portion, so make them feel welcome. 

 

 

 

• If you want to shout out and get some sweet publicity for your team, or spotlight a player on your team that’s doing amazing, OR if you want to argue with me about whatever I said here, continue to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. , I’d love to hear from you. 

 

Week 3 is upon us, it's time to start finding out who you really are. 

-GF OUT

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