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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I come bearing fantastic news! In less than 24 hours, we will once again ascend upon the hallowed grounds of the Leonard Alba Fields at the Rose Garden sponsored by Topper’s Tim Horton’s Empire for the beginning of the greatest Social Co-Ed sports experience the world could ever produce: The Race For Social Co-Ed Immortality! 

 

That’s right! The TSL’s #Spring2025 Season is finally underway! What does that mean? Well for one, it means that the largest, 10 week long family reunion will begin. It means fun, it means friendship, it means rolling your eyes at the referee for a call you don’t agree with but you don’t want to yell at B because you like him, it means meeting new people to the league and discovering what new characters await us, it means doing a few more shots at the bar than you planned on and suddenly it’s 4 hours later than you wanted to stay, it means scrambling on a Friday for girls to play for your team knowing it’ll end up being Steph anyway, it means scrambling on Friday for a QB after yours just bailed on you and realizing you’ll have to settle for John Langley, it means bothering Jeff Krol about the dumbest stuff (and if you’ve been here longer than 5 seasons, you’ll get to tell him about how “Topper/Lenny/Rameer wouldn’t have let it happen”), it means new romances will start anew whether for a night, a week, or for a while, it means “oh wow that new girl in D5/D6 is really, really good” and the vultures will begin to circle by Week 3 in an effort to get her to jump ship from her friends and family to play in D1 (3-1 odds it’s Bobby McConnell first), it means laughter, it means hugs, it means…everything. 

 

It’s been said many times, but I’ll repeat it for the new people who are just discovering that this place is so much more than a touch football league: the TSL is an experience that can change your life, if you let it. Yes, you can easily play your game and then go home. That’s frowned upon, but understood. However, if you let the league work its magic on you, and you stick around before/after your games, you’ll soon find what every TSLer before you has at some point: what you get out of the TSL is what you put into it. If you hang out at the fields or the bar after the games, and strike up a random conversation with some people, before you know it you’ll be yearning for Saturdays. You’ll be listening to the podcast each week, you’ll be awaiting each article (such as this masterpiece you’re feasting your eyes upon right now!) to be posted, and you’ll find yourself making new friends, and quickly. Chances are you’ll get sunburned too. But it’ll be worth it when you’re randomly on a limo bus for someone’s birthday on Week 7. Single? You could very easily find Mr. or Mrs. Right (or Mr. or Mrs. Right Now) amongst the crowd. The TSL has produced many, many couples who have fallen deep in love and gotten married and had babies. Don’t believe me? The TSL Draft Class of 2040 looks STACKED already.  It’s also produced many, many couples who have fallen off and caused a fun amount of spicy drama that helps the league run. 

 

The people who have been in this league for a while look forward to this day every year. They plan their life schedules around game times, and have more often than not told the people outside of the football family (the ones that just “don’t get it”) “No, sorry Julie, I can’t come to your (insert cat’s birthday/grandmother’s funeral/julie’s wedding here) on that day, I have football.” and then to ease the blow you’ll add the ever popular “but I’ll make an appearance after my game ends!”. 

 

Fun fact: You’ll never make the appearance. 

 

No, you’ll find yourself planning your family vacations in July/August in between seasons, but you’ll have to find out what day the Summer Wine Tournament is first so you don’t miss that. You’ll find yourself wanting to play in Breakfast Club to meet more people and have more fun (and then regret it if you’re not a morning person). You’ll consider refereeing and helping out the league, especially since you can make $30 to hang out at the fields like you were going to do anyway. You’ll find yourself looking online for new cleats, or receiver gloves, or start designing some sort of T-shirt for your team to wear as a jersey. You’ll find yourself being decently mad when you actually have to miss a game, having extreme FOMO that distracts you from whatever else you’re doing. Basically, you’ll just find yourself All In, and that’s okay. Some may call it a cult, and maybe they’re right. I’m not an expert on cults, but I could see the similarities. 

 

To the returning TSLers, welcome back. I know you know what I’m talking about above and you’re just nodding your heads along as you read. For the new people who are reading this, welcome home. I’m The Godfather, a former TSLer who played in the league when it first began who had to move away to Des Moines, Iowa for work. I have a really cool log cabin that I reside in. And I still write about my favorite league from back home because, well, I always figured that if I can’t play in the league, I may as well be a part of it somehow. That, and I lost a bet to Lenny a long time ago that I had to do this for life. And I can’t back out of that bet now. 

 

“But Godfather, aren’t you supposed to talk about the games and stuff? I heard that’s the best part!”. You’re right. That’s what’s most important now. There’s a brand new season upon us, there’s a brand new race for Social Co-Ed Immortality, and there’s a lot of new faces who are going to dictate who wins this installment of the Greatest Show On Kind Of Level Grass. 

 

Here’s how this is going to work. I’ll go into each division, starting at the top. You’re going to see the current Vegas odds for those teams to win the championship. I’ll write a little ditty about the teams, make a perfect prediction that will no doubt be accurate and ruin the mystery of the season, and then we’ll get into this week’s games. And here. We. Go. 

D1: 

 

Championship Odds

 

Legends 2-1

Sticky Bandits 4-1

Eyes Downtown 6-1

What A Dump 6-1

Frodo Swaggins 10-1

Freeballers 11-1

The TSL’s marquee division has a whopping SIX teams this time around, and I remember when that used to actually be sarcasm when I’d say it. Now, it’s nice to see more teams stepping up, and perhaps smelling blood. I want to be clear, I think that when the smoke clears on June 28th, no matter who is left standing, I don’t think it’ll be that much of a surprise. Yes, even if it’s YOU, Freeballers. The D1 teams are all very talented, but they’re starting to feel closer in talent from top to bottom than ever. Of course, the Legends still stand out, but they’re getting old. Let’s not forget that last season we saw an aging Joey Batts benched for the championship game because the rest of the team deemed him a liability. The Sticky Bandits are always a cohesive, hyper talented bunch, but despite getting favoritism from the refs because Jeff Krol signs their paychecks, they’ve found a way to fall short more times than not. Eyes Downtown isn’t even Eyes Downtown anymore. Arguably, What A Dump is more “Eyes Downtown-y” than Eyes Downtown is. It’s true, in a classic heel (face?) turn, most of ED turned on Bobby McConnell and left to go play with themselves. Yes, I hear how that sounds and no, I’m not changing it. Bobby scrambled to make a new roster for this season, and with a bunch of new faces, I’m only assuming this team has been doing three-a-days since March. Meanwhile, WAD looks very formidable on paper, even with Ben Stack on the roster. Frodo continues to stay in D1 despite mixed results since moving up, but the team soldiers on. And according to the rosters, it seems as though Garrett has dusted off the old carcass of former TSL Superstar Shari, which if she’s going to play weekly, AND if time treated her kindly, could be a difference maker. The Freeballers roll in with Jordan Lawson at QB and while they have talent, putting it together has always been an issue. I expect this team to compete and give headaches to other squads along the way. 

 

Prediction: Legends beat What A Dump in the finals. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits vs Freeballers (+10) - The Bandits come roaring into the season looking to take care of business and get started on the right foot. The Freeballers look to show they belong. STICKY BANDITS BY 13

 

What A Dump vs Frodo Swaggins (+3) - On paper, WAD should take this one easily, but there should be some growing pains for this team to start. Even if they have rapport with each other, there’s still rough edges to smooth out. Frodo knows each other and that will give them the advantage. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 8

 

Eyes Downtown vs Freeballers (+3) - Eyes Downtown will have the “rest advantage” going into this one as the Freeballers are playing their second game. Assuming the Freeballers learned from their first game, they may get the early jump in this one. FREEBALLERS BY 7

D2

 

Championship Odds

 

Mavericks 4-1

The Malones 4-1

Can’t Touch This 4-1

Jabronies 6-1

Scared Hitless 7-1

Show Me Your TD’s 100-1

D2 continues to be one of the TSL’s most even divisions, even if the teams change a little bit each season. The Mavericks didn’t make the jump to D1 after winning the title, but D2 is better off for it. They come into the season as the defending champs, but that doesn’t matter anymore. The Malones have been waiting all winter to get back on the field to claim the D2 title that they feel they lost more than the Mavs won last year. Can’t Touch This, no longer distracted by wedding bells, can refocus properly to win the D2 title themselves. They’re right there too. The Jabronies play smart football, and they’re very capable of winning games in D2 after taking the D3 title last season. Scared Hitless returns as D2’s very “tough out” who also leaves wins on the field in the regular season before stepping up in a big way in the playoffs. Show Me Your TD’s is a new team who, as we’ve seen many times in the past in the TSL, might be starting up in a higher division than they should be. Hopefully this isn’t a “The Replacements” scenario from a few seasons ago where the new team got beat up on so badly they got relegated to D8 and haven’t been seen since. But hey, maybe there’s some superstars who are going to rock it and they’ll win the title out of nowhere. However, teams with generic team names always tend to struggle. Look it up. 

 

Prediction: The Malones beat Mavericks in the final, getting revenge.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Can’t Touch This vs Show Me Your TD’s (+13) - I don’t want SMYTDs to get discouraged, they’re just an unknown entity in the league and if there’s one thing you have to do in this league, it’s prove it. CTT gives them their first chance to do so. The problem is this: Ryan Dougherty. The TSL’s perfect example of a QB (tall, handsome, strong arm, multiple ACL injuries) can launch the ball into space, and historically CTT plays VERY well early in seasons and in the spring. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 20

 

The Malones vs Scared Hitless (+8) - I really think we’re going to see The Malones in midseason form. They always tend to be better when they’re the losers with something to prove, as nobody plays better with a chip on their shoulder. That, combined with SH’s penchant for regular season “meh-ness” makes this easy. THE MALONES BY 10

 

D3:

 

Championship Odds

 

Wanderers 3-1

Cunning Stunts 4-1

Degeneration X, Y, and Z 6-1

Becca Gets Reccked 7-1

Practice Squad 8-1

Bullet Club 10-1

Buffalo Vice 12-1

716 12-1

Passing While Intoxicated 15-1

GirthQuakes 15-1

New year, same D3. Sort of anyway. The TSL’s most competitive division top to bottom runs it back with a lot of the same familiar faces. The Wanderers come into the season as the slight championship favorites, as they tend to do. They’re joined up there by the usual suspects: the Keller clan (this time DXYZ), Someone getting Reccked, Practice Squad and Bullet Club too. However, the D4 champion Cunning Stunts are right there in the mix as the extremely talented gender team has moved up a division to wreak havoc on some new teams (and Buffalo Vice again). 716 returns with a couple of Ridgeways and Derek Pew throwing, but if he falters it looks like Terrell Bolden is there to take over (or maybe start outright?). PWI looks to build on last season’s “decent but not great” D3 debut and the GirthQuakes just decided to jump up a division for some reason, so that should be very interesting, especially after Bobby did to them what WAD did to him in D1. Always a villain, that one. 

 

Prediction: Wanderers beat the Cunning Stunts in a barnburner.

 

This Week’s Games

 

Wanderers vs Buffalo Vice (+6) - Don’t sleep on Buffalo Vice. They’ve been very competitive in most of their D3 games so far, and they seem to have adjusted very well to the move up. However, the Wanderers have the pedigree and the continuity teams dream of. They have to think this is their year. Is this the longest they’ve gone without a championship? (AFL titles count now, the NFL said so. Not sure if we should follow suit.). WANDERERS BY 10

 

Practice Squad vs Bullet Club (EVEN) - The one thing that happens when divisions and teams don’t change too often are the fun “rivalry” games that start to appear each season. While I don’t think these teams are ‘rivals’ in the way that they don’t like each other, it seems that they always play close, entertaining games. I don’t think this should be any different. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 2

 

D-generation X, Y, and Z vs GirthQuakes (+10) - I can already tell that I won’t like typing out DXYZ’s full name all season. The Kellers all seem to be here this season: Scott Keller Sr., Katie Keller, Scott Keller Jr., Kevin Keller?, Stegs Keller, Nicole Keller, Val Bernal-Cleavenger-Keller, Damien Keller, and there's a McGregor Keller in there too. They’re always good, they’re always fun, and they’re going to be in the mix all season. The GQs jumped up and they switched the roster a bit due to some nefarious tactics by a former player, so I have no idea what they’re going to be. I guess we’ll find out. D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z BY 16

 

Wanderers vs Becca Gets Reccked (+7) - The Wanderers start off with a customary Week 1 doubleheader, and they get to take on BGR, who are the world champions of “I bet this team will be in finals” but then they end up 3-6, only to pull a first round upset, and then get beaten before the finals. But, this game will be a classic, as they tend to be. BECCA GETS RECCKED BY 4

Becca Gets Reccked vs 716 (+7) - 716 returns to D3 again, but it tends to go poorly for them. Will this season be any different? I’m not entirely sure. They have the talent, for sure. Donte Ridgeway is one of the TSL’s most underrated players. They’ll be hungry, and BGR is due to be .500 anyway. 716 BY 3

 

D4

 

Championship Odds

 

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 2-1

Puckett 4-1

Bird Watching In My Birkenstocks 4-1

Tater Tots 6-1

Come From Behind 6-1

Mike’s Detailing 8-1

Vaspian 10-1

Cobblestone 30-1

 

D4 has the potential to be simply electric this season based not just on the teams involved here, but on the team that isn’t here anymore. After years of being put into a corner by the Stunts, they’ve moved on, so the division is wide open, Becca style. (Am I doing the Becca jokes correctly, Andrew?). ILF comes in as the favorites, despite their ability to choke in that scenario. Puckett is back in D4, but apparently they don’t have any of their former All-Stars, and they’ve rebranded to just “Puckett”. Okay. We know they’re good, and they’re at home in D4. And if you want a fun little wrinkle? Mike Hull was cut by ILF who nearly instantly signed with Puckett. I smell a budding rivalry! Anyway, I’ll say it again, prepare for them to be the 7 seed that makes the title game. BWIMB is another team name I very much hate, and they’re a version of Grey Hair Don’t Care, just modified to be a D4 team that should be competitive. THE TOTS ARE BACK BABY! And they once again have B throwing for them, which means they’re going to be right there at the end. Come From Behind moves up to D4 after an eternity in D5 (seriously, they were in D5 before the Big Bang) and I have no doubts in my head that they’ll be able to rock and roll with the best of D4. Mike’s Detailing is “The Herd”, but they’re making Mike sponsor them so they don’t have to pay team fees, I assume. So go get detailed by Mike! (The Godfather may or may not be a paid endorser of Mike’s Detailing.) Herd Detailing was pretty damn good last season, and I expect them to take another step forward this year. Vaspian is back, which is whatever. BRIAN IS BACK AT QB AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS! After a small sabbatical, the first ballot Vaspian Hall of Famer has returned, which always makes Vaspian more of a threat. Darryl Carr QB Superstar is back to chase that elusive championship and put D4 on notice with his golden arm and glorious hair. As long as the rest of his team doesn’t let him down anyway. 

 

Prediction: Puckett beats the Tater Tots in the finals

 

This Week’s Games

 

Come From Behind vs Vaspian (+6) - The schedule makers made CFB’s life easy by giving them a perfect “first D4 opponent”. Not to say that Vaspian is the “Glass Joe” of D4, but I think it’s fair to say they aren’t the most difficult first draw. Brian’s return is fantastic, but I worry about Week 1 rust. CFB has done the same thing for 3,205 years so I’m not worried about that nearly as much as I am about Paul being in Florida or something. Assuming he isn’t. COME FROM BEHIND BY 12

 

Puckett vs Cobblestone (+10) - The only issue with this game is that I’m not entirely sure who’s playing for Cobblestone yet, so I can’t accurately predict how well they’ll be doing. However, I know about Puckett a bit, so this isn’t too hard. PUCKETT BY 15

 

ILF vs Tater Tots (+6) - This is a very good “welcome back to the TSL” game here. Maybe even the Game of the Day, honestly. The Tots showed how good they can be with B, and we know that ILF is very good too. Expect a close one. TATER TOTS BY 1

D5

 

Championship Odds

 

Not So Sticky 4-1

PowerPuff Girls 4-1

Two Tuddies 4-1

Blitzkrieg 6-1

Sausage McMuffins 6-1

Pit Harade 8-1

Stir The Sauce 8-1

Jake From State Farm 10-1

Mo’ Chicken 15-1

 

D5 is looking like a three way dance between NSS, PPG, and the Tud Buds. All of these teams are back, with only slight adjustments on the rosters from what I can tell. And added to the mix are not only D6 champs Blitzkrieg, but the Sausage McMuffins have moved up as well, making D5 a bit more talented for sure. They join past D6 rival Pit Harade who looks to have a few roster changes, most notably an absence of Rayanna at QB, but adding John Langley apparently. Slight downgrade for sure. Stir The Sauce is back, sort of. I guess there was some sort of split in the offseason, and half of the team left to become Jake From State Farm. It’ll be interesting to see how badly it affects both sides. Mo’ Chicken is a new team that stems from some Dogg Pound roots, so we’ll need to see more from them to really know what, or who, they are. 

 

Prediction: Blitzkrieg beats Not So Sticky in the finals. (Old habits die hard, sorry BK)

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Jake From State Farm (EVEN) - It’s hard to really choose a winner, but of course I still will. Alex always has the McMuffins ready for battle, and they play the right brand of smart football that wins games. That should translate to D5 easily. JFSF is a complete unknown, but they’re not the ‘half’ of Stir The Sauce that has Wrestler Dan. That’s all I needed to know. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 1

 

Stir The Sauce vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) - Same idea as the previous game. Top D6 team that is talented and plays the game the right way going against a team that just split down the middle. I think Blitzkreig should’ve been in D5 a long time ago, so I think they’ll be A-OK here. BLITZKRIEG BY 4

 

Powerpuff Girls vs Mo’ Chicken (+10) - The Girls are back, and they’re very good. Mo’ Chicken gets to end up having their first game against a good gender team. It’s just simply not ideal. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 14

 

Not So Sticky vs Pit Harade (+10) - NSS has the right roster for this division to win the title. They’re going to be a favorite for sure. A Jeff Krol vs Joe K matchup to kick off the season just feels right as well. Did Topper make the schedule? I think we’ll see a close game early on with NSS pulling away later. NOT SO STICKY BY 14

 

Two Tuddies vs Stir The Sauce (+3) - The Tud Buds gets STS on the backend of a double header and they’ll be looking to start the season off the right way. The Tuddies still feel a bit overlooked in this division, but this game should change that right away. TWO TUDDIES BY 10

 

D6

 

Irish Giants 4-1

Balls Deep 4-1

Sticky Laces 4-1

Select 6-1

TMA 8-1

Blue Ballers 10-1

Dogg Pound 12-1

Raw Milkers 15-1

Intentional Clowning 15-1

 

Ah yes, D6. Our final division gives us a very nice mix of veteran TSL teams and some brand new ones as well! The Irish Giants have been around Social Co-Ed Football circles for quite some time, and they serve as a “GUCCI-lite” currently. They join both Balls Deep and Sticky Laces at the top of the favorites for the title, but that could change. Select and TMA represent veteran squads that know exactly what they need to do to win in this league. The Blue Ballers are just a more sober version of the ‘Mightey’ Drunks, and they’ve shown in the past that they can do some damage as well. Dogg Pound had a tough start in the beginning of their existence but they’ve shown steady improvement game by game, and are a dark horse candidate for a break out season. As for the Raw Milkers and Intentional Clowning? No idea. Brand new teams with some brand new people make them complete wild cards, which we love. 

 

Prediction: Sticky Laces over the Irish Giants on Championship Saturday. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Dogg Pound vs Raw Milkers (+7) - The DPs get a brand new squad to kick off the season, which could bode well for them to start off right. We’ll have to see what the Milkers bring to the table, but for now, we’ll go with the known team. DOGG POUND BY 6

 

Sticky Laces vs Balls Deep (+3) - D6’s entrant into the potential Game Of The Day, two top teams battle it out for what could be an important tie breaker in June. Both have shown growth of the last few years, but I think the Laces have done a little bit more growing. STICKY LACES BY 7

 

Irish Giants vs Intentional Clowning (+10) - Two brand new TSL teams this season square off, but we already know the Giants can play. Feels like a mismatch out of the gate. IRISH GIANTS BY 12

 

Blue Ballers vs Select (EVEN) - A battle between two teams that switched up their rosters a little bit. We know how well these teams have played in the past, but will that transfer over to this season? We’re going to find out. SELECT BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• What team should be playing in a higher division? Other than the champions that didn’t move up you mean? (I know The Malones would’ve moved up). We actually have a lot of the usual answers here moving up a division, so this is harder than I’d like it to be. Is the answer the Wanderers? Consistent winners year in and year out, despite not winning lots of titles. 

 

 

 

• What team would the TSL Universe be most happy for if they won a championship this season? TMA winning D6 came instantly to mind. I know they’ve done it before but that was forever ago and they’ve lost so many great players along the way, they’re not the same. A bonus answer: The Kellers. 

 

 

 

• Which player has the most stress on them this season? Bobby McConnell. I know that sounds weird since he’s a third ballot hall of famer, and just won D1 not too long ago, but he had his team walk out on him, so he’s out to prove that he didn’t need them in the first place. 

 

 

 

• Who will be the best team at the bar this season? I don’t have an answer, because I think a new team will emerge and take the crown. But which one?

 

 

 

• Which divisions are closest in talent and which have the widest talent gap? A sneaky two part question here. The closest in talent where anyone can win would’ve been D2, but SMTTDS might be overmatched. If they can hold their own? Then okay. I think the answer is D4, especially if Darryl cobbles together a good roster. As for the talent gap, I think there’s a clear line of haves and have nots in D6 right now. 

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Buffalo was 80 degrees on Thursday. Of course it’ll be 53 degrees and rainy Saturday. 
2. Three teams with the potential to surprise their division: Select, Freeballers, Stir The Sauce
3. LENNY AND RAMEER DAY, OUR TSL NATIONAL HOLIDAY, IS JUNE 7TH. PLAN ACCORDINGLY TO CELEBRATE.
4. Breakfast Club is featuring a lot of new players, which usually means it’ll become must watch TV.
5. Is this it for Joey Batts?
6. Make sure everyone signs a waiver!!
7. If you’d like to get your team featured in this article more, I need info on your games and who your team is! Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. asap. 
8. Don’t forget, the TSL Podcast will record weekly, and if you want to be a guest, tell Jeff Krol, Dorene, or Joe K right away!
9. Yes, Topper is a bum and is in Florida so we won’t see him for a bit. It isn’t your fault. I promise.
10. The team with the worst odds to realistically win the title? 716. 

 

And there you have it folks! The start of the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality is less than 24 hours away. History will be made. Which side of it will you end up on?

-GF OUT

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