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- Written by Patrick McGovern
- Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
- Published: 27 September 2019
- Created: 27 September 2019
- Hits: 5566
TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 5
“This is easily the worst written article the league has to offer. It may be best to just shut it down”
“I thought the Joey Batts podcast was the worst thing on this site but this article just topped that”
“This article is an absolute outrage… blasphemy”
“It’s just baffling, this article couldn’t be more off”
“Top Ten is Blasphemy”
It’s glowing reviews like these that make it all worthwhile, folks…
Welcome back to another “critically acclaimed” edition of your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! Your headline for this week: there’s a new king of the mountain. Chris Cole held our top spot for ten weeks, including all of last season and the first two weeks of Fall 2019. Mark Dalfonso, defending D1 champion, then took over the top spot for two weeks. And now we have our third #1 Quarterback in the season-and-a-half history of the TSL QB Power Rankings: Bobby McConnell. Long may he reign.
Truth be told, it was an easy decision to shoot Bobby McConnell #1 up to the top of the Power Rankings this week. His resume:
· Best record in the highest division at 6-1.
· Highest points per game in the highest division (33.7 ppg)
· Longest active winning streak in the League
· 35-0 win in this week’s game against Gryffindor
There’s really no argument against that, so congrats Bobby. Your prize? A date with Mark Dalfonso #2, the only D1 quarterback you haven’t beaten yet this season. Marketing Mayors of course beat Eyes Downtown 42-16 in their first matchup way back in Week One. If Bobby wins this week, Eyes Downtown will open up a two game lead over the rest of D1, virtually assuring him a decent stay at the #1 ranking. If Marketing Mayors wins, both teams will be tied for first place in the standings, with Mark holding a 2-0 head-to-head against Bobby this season… and if Mark wins by 12 or more, he’ll even steal the “highest points per game in D1” title from Bobby. HUGE Power Rankings ramifications… can’t wait to see what happens here. [Irrelevant side note: in writing that last paragraph, we realized that you can’t spell “Marketing Mayors” without “Mark”]
Two of our glowing reviews above referenced the “blasphemy” of this article, and we’re starting to think they’re right. Chris Cole #3??? The certifiable TSL legend hits an all-time low this week with a loss in his third week in a row. This from a guy who once won twenty games in a row! Public Enemy is also only 4th in their 5 team division in points per game… How the mighty have fallen indeed. Of course it’s not fair just to mention his 35-28 loss to Marketing Mayors, as Public Enemy also picked up a 31-22 win over Tight Ends in Motion. It was a strange week for parity in D1, as Public Enemy, Marketing Mayors and TEIM all went 1-1 against each other in double headers. This only hurt Chris and Mark, but it actually helped propel Mike McKenrick #10 to his first appearance in our Top Ten. Tight Ends in Motion didn’t put up a lot of points this week, beating Marketing Mayors 14-13 and losing the aforementioned game to Public Enemy, but they’re now 3-3 in D1 and Mike deserves some recognition for their start… even if two of those wins did come against Gryffindor.
No games for A&A this week, but Matty Ice #4 had an up and down week on Matty’s Angels. Let’s start with the good: the Angels avenged their Spring Championship game loss against Cunning Stunts with a convincing 35-17 win, re-asserting their claim as the most dominant gender team in the TSL. Unfortunately for fans of girl power everywhere, there’s also the bad: Matty’s Angels lost a 46-43 game against Buffalo Solar Solutions in their first loss to a non-gender team since… wow, we don’t even know. The Angels went undefeated last year until the Championship game against the Stunts, and they’d won their first three games this session. Our records only go back so far – have Matty’s Angels EVER lost to a standard co-ed team before? Write us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you know if and when this last happened! Your season to date Matty stats: 9-1 record and 43.8 ppg, leading the 2nd and 7th best offenses in the League.
Three of our next four ranked Quarterbacks had byes this week so not much to say there – Vince Taverna #6 played in a 44-18 annihilation of Vaspian (don’t worry Lucas #18; everyone loses to these guys) but Dean Thompson #5, Topper #7 and Matt Newman #8 all had the week off and got to keep their spots. Newman actually went UP in the rankings in his week off – a rare achievement made possible only by the continued fall of Joey Batts #9. A 35-0 Gryffindor shutout at the hands of Eyes Downtown AND a failed effort in the Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels grudge match? Really? 17 points across two games does not feel the like Joey Batts we know and love tolerate. Maybe his podcasting ambitions are interfering with his performance on the field… or maybe he’s just digging himself a bigger hole to make his second straight double championship season all the more dramatic. Classic Batts. Either way, one streak continues (Gryffindor STILL has not beaten a D1 team this session) and another comes screeching to a halt (Cunning Stunts HAD the longest active win streak in the League).
We warned you, Larry Chruscial #12. Playing in D5 you were always at risk of falling out of the Top Ten if a higher division quarterback had a big week, and unfortunately Mike from TEIM and Joe Miano #11 of Jabronies got some big wins while you were on a bye. We’ve talked about Mike already, but how about Joe Miano with the double win this week? The Godfather had ranked Sticky Bandits and Frodo Swaggins as having the second and third best odds to win D3, and Joe beat them both in back to back games. The Jabronies are now second place in D3 with their only loss to first place All We Do Is Quinn, and Joe Miano is proving that he’s more than talented enough to justify the jump up from D6.
Speaking of talent, there’s maybe nobody more talented in D3 right now than Scott Drosendahl #13 of Frodo Swaggins, but something’s not quite coming together for their team this session. Frodo has a 3-2 record, but they’re 7th in the division in points per game and frankly we’re surprised they’re not doing better with all the weapons they have (Garrett Beesing: “best hands in the G-D League, hands down”). This is a smart team full of great athletes and we’re betting that Scotty’s still the man no one wants to line up against come playoff time. He falls one spot in the Rankings this week, and debate raged on the Power Rankings Committee as to whether he should be demoted even more for his off-field failings (we won’t recap it here, but read this week’s Rant if you want to hear about our next great TSL tragic romance). Ultimately we decided Scotty’s game was more important than his “game”, so no Power Rankings punishment was needed.
Joe Miano wasn’t the only D3 quarterback winning doubleheaders this week, as Kyle Conniff #14 and No Punt Intended take down End Game 44-30 and Puckett All-Stars 33-21. Not exactly the hottest opponents in the division right now (Dave Eickhoff #19 was once a Top Ten QB, and is now on the verge of falling out of the Top Twenty), but a 4-2 record puts NPI in third place in D3 this week, and it all starts with Kyle.
They may not be leading the division (or even in the top half of their division) but 3rd & Schlong won AGAIN this week, beating Ultimate Warriors 41-32. Two weeks ago 3&S had the longest losing streak in the League, and now they’re riding a two game winning streak. Good for Scott Keller #15 rebounding from a tough start. Yeah, Ultimate Warriors are still struggling in the standings (1-3-1) but don’t blame Scott Pinto #16 and Sam Lattuca #20 – the Warriors are currently second in D3 in points per game. If these guys ever learned how to play defense, they’d be real contenders…
We mentioned the big Buffalo Solar Solutions win over Matty’s Angels earlier, but these guys ALSO beat Mountain Dew Me 29-23 this week to bring their record up to 3-2. Andy Clark #17 started the season slowly (can it REALLY be true that he threw picks on his first three passes of the season???) but he’s upped his game lately and has BSS poised to contend in what was once thought to be a two-gender-team race for the D4 title.
***
Does it ever feel like it’s the same people in the Top Ten almost every week? We get that, and understand that people would love to see more movement in the Rankings to give newer players their opportunity to shine. Only problem is, these people are the best for a REASON, and until someone else comes along to knock them from their pedestal, we’re going to continue to showcase the BEST of the BEST each week. What good is a Power Rankings if it features only the “flavor of the week” instead of the most dominant Quarterbacks in the League?
We did think it would be interesting to look at player movement in the Top Ten though, so we did what we always do when we’re curious – made a graph:
Looks like we’ve had four tiers this season:
· Tier 1 - Bobby/Mark/Chris/Matty swapping places in the Top 4
· Tier 2 - Dean and Vince, who have literally not moved once all season and sit at 5 and 6 respectively (Dean’s probably wondering why he doesn’t get to be in a Tier of his own over Vince, but screw it, we’re lumping you guys in together here)
· Tier 3 - The Topper/Newman/Batts tier, who have owned the 7-8-9 rankings all season
· Tier 4 - The best of the rest, with Joe, Larry and Mike taking turns with the 10th spot
We REALLY wanted to make a line graph going back to Week One of LAST season, but that got ugly pretty fast so we abandoned it. Instead, here’s a simple chart of how many times each quarterback in our League has ranked in the Top Ten through the past thirteen weeks (all of Spring Session and all of Fall Session through five weeks):
19 different Quarterbacks have cracked our Top Ten so far through a season and a half, with only Cole, Dalfonso, Matty Ice and Joey Batts making it in EVERY week. Some day, Blase, some day.
***
Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after five weeks:
· Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 308
· Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 49.5
· Worst Offensive Team (total points) – We Back, 48
· Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – We Back, 8
· Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 40
· Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 10
· Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 304
· Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 47.8
· Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +166
· Best Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +32.8
· Worst Point Differential (total points) – We Back, -217
· Worst Point Differential (points per game) – We Back, -36.2
· Longest Current Win Streak – TIE: Eyes Downtown, Over Compensators, 6
· Longest Current Losing Streak – We Back, 6
· Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Over Compensators
· Remaining Winless Teams: We Back, Pink Pteratacos, Shattered Dreams
We Back is “winning” a number of the undesirable statistical categories above, some of which were hurt by a 21-0 forfeit this week, while ironically others were helped by it (a 21 point loss was actually GOOD for their average point differential, since they usually lose by way more).
Both the longest active win streak in the League (Cunning Stunts) and longest active losing streak (Hope N Ruin) were snapped this week, so we have new leaders at both categories.
There were six undefeated teams coming into this week, and now with losses by all three gender teams, there are only three. There were seven winless teams coming into this week, and now with wins by Energy Buff (forfeit wins still count!), Puckett All-Stars, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, and Hope N Ruin, there are only three.
***
In the past two weeks we’ve shared some charts with the top offenses and top defenses in the League – this week we’re going to take a look at average point differentials (+/-) to see who are the most dominant (and most dominated) teams in the League:
Only four teams are winning by an average of more than twenty points per game and only four teams are losing by an average of more than twenty points a game. Both the good and bad categories above have almost a full touchdown drop-off between the 4th and 5th teams, strangely.
And the same as above, but for each division:
***
That’s it for this week! If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (not enough Scotty/LRG coverage? line graphs give you a headache? quality of writing is SIGNIFICANTLY worse than the Sentinel?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
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